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English
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Published:
2024-02-02
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1,560
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1/1
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Communicating

Summary:

Aziraphale and Crowley try to communicate when Azi returns to Heaven. It works, but they discover that Jesus and God are missing!

Work Text:

Angel.

Angel.

Angel.

Hello, my dear.

Ok, it works.

Were you concerned?

Of course not.

This was a marvelous idea.
I’m very glad you found a way
for us to communicate safely.

….

Now, I need a bit of time to figure out
what they’re trying to do here. One
thing I do know is that She is not
here. There’s no hint of Her presence.

What about Jesus?

He’s being held “in a secure location
in preparation for the Second Coming.”

That’s bull - are you saying
he’s a captive?

I believe so.

Angel, be careful.

I love you too, dear boy.

**********

Crowley, I have a Clue!
About Jesus.
I was doing some research about
the requirements for the Second
Coming. I was in the library and
I found a diary that had been
left. In it they write that “the Son
left today to revisit Earth and comfort
His forgotten children.” I think Muriel
might know where He is!

Crowley?

Angel, yeah, I’m here.

I’m at the bookshop - let me ask
Muriel what they know.

…

…

ANGEL!
You’re right! He’s down here!

Does Muriel know more?

They won’t say.

Are they frightened of repercussions?

I don’t think so.
They seem determined.

?

It’s almost as if they expected
us to figure this out.

Can you find out anything?

I’ll work on it.

I wonder why the others didn’t
tell me the truth.

**********

Angel, I’ve got something.

Angel?

Angel.

Ok, you’re busy. Here it is:
Muriel thinks that Jesus snuck
out before the Archangels knew
what He was doing. They’re a bit
worried about what will happen
if you start asking questions.

They don’t like questions Up There,
remember?

Angel, where are you?

Sorry, dear.
I’m here now. I just slipped
back into my office.

Do they know you know
something? If they do, you’re
probably in danger.

I don’t believe that they
have a very high opinion of
my intellectual ability.

More idiots, them.

To our advantage, really.

Can you find Him?

Do we need to?

What if He doesn’t know about
these others starting their own version
of the Second Coming?

Especially if She’s not there.

You spent more time with Him
than I did. Do you think you could
sense Him if you tried?

Not sure.
I’ll let you know.

I will poke about to see what
anyone is saying about Her.
I’m sure Metatron will have
some sort of feeble explanation.

 

**********

Crowley!

Angel, what is it?

Be VERY CAREFUL.
The others are getting suspicious
about all the research I’m doing. They
don’t conduct research themselves.
(I don’t think they understand what
the point is.)

Anyway, if you’re discovered in your
search for Jesus I am sure they will try
to either smite you or worse.

I think you had better be
careful, too.

I’m in America at present. I’m fairly
sure I know what He is doing.

Keep alert!
Be vigilant!

I am going to begin attempts to
contact Her. I’ve been refreshing
my memory about how we communicated
in the earliest days.

I think that I may visit our
friends in Alpha Centauri - the
location may help.

Aziraphale?

Yes, my dear?

Remember that I love you.

And I love you.

**********

Angel.

Angel.

Angel.

I found Him! He is working
at a homeless shelter in Boston.

(Awful place - it’s snowing right
now.)

I have to be quick.
They know what I’m going to try.
They’re going to try to stop me.
Gabriel and Beelzebub are
making a lot of distracting “noise”,
so hopefully I will have the time I need.

Bless it, Angel! Be careful!
I’ve got Him located - if you get yourself
discorporated we’ll have a
problem.

Besides, I need you.

Come to me if you can, and
bring Him. It’s going to take both
of us to get Her.

As soon as I can!

❤️

**********

Angel.

Angel.

Angel.

I’m here, Crowley.
I’m afraid I haven’t been able
to reach Her yet.

Um, I have something to tell
you about that.

?

I’m pretty sure She’s with Him.

What? How?

Well, I didn’t want to make a move
until you said you needed me there.
I have been watching from a coffee shop
across the street from the shelter. I
was about to go over when I saw a woman
in there and I’m pretty sure He called
Her “Mom”.

I’m on my way.

**********

“It’s very good to see you, my dear.”

“Angel! Since when do you kiss me in public?”

“Are you complaining?”

“Did it feel like I was complaining?”

“Not a bit.”

“Good. Now, that’s the shelter over there. And see the guy at the desk by the window? That’s Jesus.”

“Have you seen Her again?”

“Nope. What do you want to do?”

“Shall we just try going over? They are probably aware of us. Gabriel and Beelzebub say we’re ‘noisy’ when we’re together.”

“I’ll give them noise.”

“Now, now, let’s just see what They are doing, and what They know. Let me take your arm, dear boy. My shoes aren’t very suitable for the snow.”

“Anytime, Angel.”

Ding.

“Well, if it isn’t my old friend Crowley! I haven’t seen you since the desert!”

“Yeah, hi. Um, do you know Aziraphale? He’s my, uh,….”

“Partner. And I don’t think we’ve ever been properly introduced. It’s a pleasure to meet you after all this time, Jesus.”

“Hey, nice to meet you. And I’m super glad you guys are together. Mom and I have been waiting for that. Once you finalize things we’ll be all set.”

“Uh, what do you mean, finalize?”

“Oh, come on Crowley! You haven’t done anything but kiss him. I don’t have to spell it out, do I?”

“Ngk…..”

“Honey, stop teasing them - they’re just lovely.”

“Oh! Oh - it’s so very, very good to hear You again. I had almost forgotten…”

“My sweet Aziraphale. You have been so faithful under such difficult conditions. And Crowley - I do wish things had been able to proceed differently. You have always been so much better than everyone gave you credit for. Except your partner, here.”

“Um, yeah, thanks. Are we doing things right?”

“Shall we find a better place to talk?”

“Want a coffee?”

Ding

“Aziraphale, tell them about Heaven.”

“Well, I don’t think they are following Your plan. Do You know about Gabriel?”

“Yes, we do. I must say, I was surprised that he actually let himself exercise his free will and opened his heart.”

“Well, Metatron came and asked me to be Supreme Archangel and get the Second Coming started.”

“The Metatron is - pardon the expression - a real asshole. He wants nothing to do with the whole point of humanity. He just wants his war.”

“Sorry - the whole point of humanity? Dude, what are you talking about?”

“Look Crowley, why do you like hanging out on Earth? What’s the pull? You could be a Duke of Hell, we all know that. So, why?”

“Well, you know, uh, we - that is, me and Aziraphale - we like the humans. They’re so much more interesting than angels and demons.”

“Did you ever notice how inventive, how ingenious, how creative they are? And when they are passionate about something, how they invest themselves into it wholeheartedly?”

“They can be the best and the worst, but you never know, do you? It’s always a surprise with them.”

“Unfortunately, so often, angels and demons are predictably, hmm, shall we say, unkind?”

“Angel, they can all be downright evil. Sorry, you two, but it’s true.”

“That is why I left so long ago. I made a mistake with Metatron, and I promised I wouldn’t destroy everything again. There was so much superficiality Up There. It made me very upset.”

“And Mom upset is not a good thing!”

“But they’re going ahead without either of You! Can’t either of You make them stop?”

“Wait. The Second Coming, that is, the Last Judgement, is supposed to take place when You, Jesus, open the Book of Life and separate those who are worthy of Heaven from those who are not worthy, correct? What would happen if You simply don’t show up?”

“To what end, Aziraphale? Won’t the residents of Heaven and Hell try to make it happen without Me?”

“Not if Your Mother sent them to Earth to perform small blessings! Then Hell would have to counter by sending more demons up. Restrict the angels by not allowing them to smite demons. They could observe and then respond with appropriate actions toward the humans to offset the actions of the demons.”

“And I would start by sending the archangels down to do close reconnaissance on all the major continents without using anything more than a point-zero-one lazari miracle. Metatron will be personally responsible for cataloging all linguistic changes since the Beginning. That ought to keep him out of trouble.”

“What can we do to help?”

“I have a very important question for both of you. Crowley, you are no longer employed by Hell, correct?”

“Uh, that’s, yup, that’s right. But, um, sorry, but I don’t really want to work for Heaven, either.”

“Oh, no, you would not work for Heaven! No, I wonder if you and Aziraphale would like to retire together? Perhaps do some very occasional consulting for young angels and demons when they first start on Earth?”

“Oh, oh, yes, please! That would be lovely! Don’t you think, Crowley?”

”I’d like nothing better, Angel.”