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He couldn't sleep.
Megumi started having trouble sleeping ever since Tsumiki got into a coma. It was a given since they'd always shared a room for as long as he could remember. He knew he was being unreasonable but he couldn't help feeling like an upset child whenever he thought of the fact that his sister had been cursed. The fact that he wasn't strong enough to protect her.
That he was weak.
He hated being weak. It meant he wasn't able to move past the pain that still harboured itself in his heart. The loneliness. He hated being alone no matter how cold and stoic he pretended to be.
And Tsumiki always understood that. She had once said he was very kind. That even though he could be stubborn or even brash, he had a good heart. And he never knew if she said it because she was his older sister or if it was because it was true. All he wanted was for her to come back. So he wouldn't be alone. So he wouldn't feel as lonely as he had been when he discovered his father wasn't coming back.
He felt his eyes sting.
Fuck!
He wasn't supposed to think about that. About why he was left behind. Abandoned. Forgotten. Was he not good enough that his father couldn't just stay with him?
Wasn't he a "blessing" like he was named to be?
He sometimes wondered if he truly hated his own name. Because if he truly were a blessing, he wouldn't be wondering if he was loved at all. Megumi couldn't quite remember much from his childhood before Tsumiki. He couldn't remember what his father looked like. All he could remember was that he was huge. So huge that he always had to crane his neck to speak to him.
He did have blurry memories of sitting on the said father's shoulders. He wondered if those memories were real or if he just fantasized being loved.
The room he used to share with his sister was dark. Her bed on the other side of the room was left bare. Most of her belongings were moved to the hospital so she'd be more comfortable. With hopes that she'd wake up soon.
He hoped she'd wake up soon.
He couldn't even conjure his demon dogs for comfort because he was so tired and frustrated. He ran his hands through his messy dark hair with a frustrated sigh. His dark blue eyes zeroed on the clock which rested on the bedside table and he groaned.
3 : 31 am.
He was sure he'd have dark shadows under his eyes come morning. He stiffened when he felt his foot touch something rather soft under his blanket. He clicked his tongue when he realized what it was.
The old worn cat and dog plushies on his bed stared back at him as he unraveled the blanket from his bare feet. He couldn't forget how he had gotten them in the first place.
The white cat reminded him of someone annoying too.
But that someone was all he had left.
Reluctantly, Megumi rose from his bed, still clutching the white stuffed cat in his hand while his feet padded against the wooden floorboards. He cringed when he heard his room door creak as he pushed it open. He couldn't believe he was really doing this.
Like he had programmed the path to Satoru's room, he waded through the darkness of the cozy apartment and stood before the closed door. His grip on the fluffy white cat tightened when he felt his throat close up.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
Maybe Gojo was asleep. Or tired from having to go back a forth to the hospital because of taking care of both he and his sister while working.
But Megumi couldn't help being selfish. Because he really didn't want to be alone. He wanted to believe he wasn't alone. That he wouldn't be abandoned again.
He was scared of being abandoned again.
"Aren't you a little too old for this?" Megumi jumped when he heard a voice from behind the door. Satoru was awake.
In fact, he had been awake for a while now. Looking at a few documents for his next exorcism job in a day's time. There were a few special grade curses around Yokohama that needed his attention. His eyes were hurting too from having to speak to regular people without his blindfold on for the whole day. He too was exhausted but unable to sleep. Endlessly worrying about a certain dark haired teenager that wasn't fully opening up to him about how he felt when his sister got cursed. He had heard when Megumi's light footsteps approached his room. He felt his curse energy sparking with various emotions.
Various dark emotions of anger. Regret. Sadness. So much sadness. And worst of all... Fear.
Megumi was afraid.
Before Megumi could turn back to his room and hide the embarrassment of wanting to crawl into his guardian's room like a scared child with a nightmare, he heard the door creak open. And he was met with Gojo's tired blue eyes.
Gojo was dressed in comfortable sleep wear. An old black t-shirt and sweatpants. His hair was tousled as usual whenever he was at home. His gaze softened immediately he was met with Megumi's teary blue eyes that seamed to have flecks of green whenever he was overwhelmed.
"Come here..." Satoru urged him softly. His vibrant blue eyes sparkling with warmth for the boy he had grown to care for after all these years . Just hearing his voice was enough to break Megumi's composure. He was upset. And the thoughts of whether or not he would have been okay if he didn't meet Gojo Satoru made him scared. The what ifs of whether or not he hadn't chosen to be his father ever since he was just a grade schooler.
Megumi stumbled into Satoru's chest with a weak sob. Gojo's infinity was already turned off. Something he rarely ever did although he always turned it off when he was around the boy. The stuffed cat in his hand fell to the floor with a soft thud. Megumi's hands clenched at the fabric of Satoru's shirt while he tried to hold back his tears.
"G-gojo..." He whimpered when he felt his throat close up painfully. He was trembling.
"It's okay.... I'm here..." Satoru rubbed at Megumi's back over his pale grey long sleeved t-shirt while Megumi felt hot tears soak into Satoru's own shirt.
Megumi hadn't done anything like this since he was seven. Coming to his room late at night because he couldn't sleep. Gojo usually left his room door half open because he half expected the little boy to crawl into his bed every night. As tough as Megumi always acted even as a child, he knew that he longed for a shred of comfort whenever nighttime approached. Like he hated the darkness.
Satoru carefully maneuvered them to sit on his soft bed. The dark sheets crumpled as he carefully sat down, still holding Megumi in a gentle embrace. He could feel the agitation from Megumi's cursed energy bouncing off of the walls in his room. He could feel how upset he was even without the help of his Six-eyes.
He let him cry and sob into his chest for a few more minutes until Megumi's breathing slowed down a bit. His hand rubbed against Megumi's hair while he proceeded to ask.
"Can't sleep?" He knew the answer was obvious but he wanted to hear Megumi speak. So he'd know if he felt a bit better after bawling his eyes out. The dark haired boy nodded softly, still not meeting his eyes.
"I-i... I have a question...." Something that had been bothering Megumi for years now. Something he refused to ask Gojo Satoru even after he had come to grow fond of his presence.
"Go on, Kid... I'm listening..." Satoru urged him on and Megumi shuddered. He tried to calm his breaths so he could speak up. Clearing his clogged throat and gulping down saliva to steel himself.
"What if you hadn't found us?... What if you didn't take in Tsumiki and I ?... What if—"
"Megumi...." Satoru's voice was soft but firm. He wondered how long these questions had been bothering Megumi. He knew the boy was much kinder than he thought of himself. Someone he must always protect.
He hadn't found Megumi.... No..... He had looked for him. Searched for him. After the fight with Toji Fushiguro, he had done all he could to search for the child who would be sold to the Zen'in clan.
Out of obligation?
Was it because he didn't want the Gojo's rival clan to have anyone who possessed the Ten Shadows Technique?
Or was it because he felt pity for Megumi's father?
He didn't know....
But what he did know was that hearing what was to happen to Megumi reminded him of himself. Of how even as a child, he was treated like a powerful artefact. An object.
Truthfully, he saw the pleading look Toji had given him when he told him of his only child with his dying breath. Like he was begging him to carry out his last wish. Begging him to save Megumi.
But he didn't think Megumi was ready to hear of the circumstances of his father's death. Or what had transpired until he had taken him in. He always saw Megumi as this child he must protect. To keep safe. To love and cherish even though he knew his methods of showing he cared were... Questionable.
He wouldn't bother trying to explain that though his father was a murderer, his heart was still in the right place when he asked Satoru to save him. Instead,
"D'you know what your name means?" Satoru asked after a beat of silence.
Megumi scoffed, although it sounded more like a choked sob, then a sniffle. Of course he knew what his name meant. He'd always wondered if his parents cared enough to name him "Megumi" or if they wanted a girl instead.
"Yeah... I know... But why'd they name me a blessing if they wouldn't stay with me?..." He was angry. Angry with his own parents in which he couldn't remember. In which he had no memories of. Angry tears welled in his eyes. He felt like a mess.
"Megumi..." Satoru whispered his name with a soft sigh. "I don't know who named you.... But I do know this.... That even though things didn't turn out perfect... But I'm sure your parents had been happy when you were born... And that you truly were a blessing to them...." He lifted his chin so he could wipe his tear stained cheeks,
"And taking care of you... Raising you and Tsumiki has been the greatest blessing to me... So if anything, I'm grateful that you were born... That you exist.... Because, I don't think I would have been happier if I didn't find you..."
Megumi whimpered when he saw the truth in Satoru's clear blue eyes. Gojo was rarely ever serious but when he was sincere, he made sure to show it to those he cared for.
"And you... You are my blessing... Don't forget that... Never forget that, Son..." He didn't realize when he had slipped the word out. Son. Megumi had always been like his own child. He sometimes found himself wanting the boy to call him "Dad". If he deserved to be his father. If someone as apathetic as himself could deserve such a title.
There were rare occasions Tsumiki called him Dad... But Megumi had only ever done it once. And that was when he was still so small. On Megumi's first birthday since he'd started raising him. When he'd gifted him the stuffed cat and dog, saying the black dog was Megumi while he was the cat.
And though he truly wanted to hear him say the word, he didn't mind if he didn't. Because he wouldn't stop wanting to take care of Megumi no matter what he called him.
Because even if Megumi didn't call him father or Dad or Papa...
Even if they weren't related by blood.
He was his Son...
A Son he'd cherish...
A blessing...
Megumi rested his head on Satoru's shoulder, knowing he'd hiss at him in the morning if he chose to tease him for being a big baby tonight. Slowly he felt himself nodding off. He felt his mind grow peaceful after hearing those kind words he never believed Satoru would say. It made him feel enough. He didn't feel as lonely.
And though he sometimes secretly wished to meet his own parents,
He was very glad he had Gojo Satoru....
He was glad Gojo Satoru was his Dad....
Though an annoying, overconfident and doting parent, he was still a great dad to him. Always attending all the PTA meetings. Embarrassing him at school, and buying him extravagant gifts for no good reason. Or just simply taking care of him.
And to Megumi, that was enough
"Thanks for everything.....Dad...."
Satoru felt a tear slip from his right eye when he heard Megumi whisper in his ear. His voice laced with sleep.
He felt his lips pull in a watery smile.
He truly felt blessed to have Megumi
"No... Thank you... Megumi..."
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