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Chapter Text

Magi were well known in fiction.

They were the people who could bend and shape the world around then with just a twitch of their fingers.

They were the people that would either solve all your problems or cause all of your problems.

They had abilities beyond your wildest dreams.

They were the witches that flew on broom sticks.

They were the wizards that are surrounded by their tomes.

They were the sorcerers with servants made from bewitched household objects.

Everyone had read about them growing up.

The knowledge of the existence of magic civilizations was limited only to the People at the top of the ruling hierarchy.

The Shodaime Hokage, Senju Hashirama had known. He had met a traveling Wizard and he had bought a remembrall.

The Nidaime Hokage Senju Tobirama had known from his brother.He had bought a a set of two way mirrors from the same traveling Wizard. One of the mirrors was smashed when he died and the remaining one was kept in the homage office as a means of seeing around corners. It never fogged or got dirty over the years and its magical origins had been all but forgotten.

The Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, had unfortunately missed the memo. He was aware that his predecessors had both met a strange traveling salesman and both had bought things that had been extremely useful in their lives. Both of them had mentioned strange abilities that could neither be explained nor learned. They had also mentioned the salesman having extremely odd values.

That was the only reason he had not thrown the girl out of the village when she suddenly appeared in the office.

A teenage girl appears in his office with a bang and she is promptly pinned by ANBU. To everyone's surprise they all end up suspended by their ankle in the air while she looks around in confusion. She sees the character on his hat. "Where I am?" She slurs in a strange foreign accent. First in Chinese, then in Japanese.

...

She is a young thing. Clearly civilian. Her searches for the exit and attempts to memorize the lay out of the intelligence division were all too transparent.

At the same time, she doesn't have the innocence that civilians tend to have. Her Black hair was badly singed and had to be cut at the shoulders. Her eyes were interesting, somewhere between navy and violet, there were shadows lurking in those depths. They weren't dark like the eyes of shinobi gone mad, but they were shadowed, as though she had been tortured in mind and body. The sadness and despair when her things were taken from her was easy to see despite her attempts to hide it.

Though she seemed weak there had definitely been something radiating from her when she watched Morino Ibiki pace about the interrogation room.

"What is your name?"

"I am Mina, Mina Ollivander. Or maybe Ollivander Mina?" She thinks to herself.

"Mina Oribanda?"

...

"Magical Britain in chaos. My entire family, clan, dead, or lost." Yamanaka Inoichi pulls himself out of the girl's head. His mind whirling with images of a gruesome war of another world, changing staircases, moving paintings, bubbling potions, careful last minute packing, and the pain of leaving behind patches of skin in a rush to escape a mad woman.

...

"Why you display two way mirror? Where other one?"

Shiranui Genma raises an eyebrow at the statement. He could understand her reasonably well despite her heavily butchered japanese.

"The other half was broken and lost."

"Too bad."

"Can you make another one?" He asks. He has to ask, because if they could make use of even a fraction of skills he had seen her use in the Hokage's office, Konoha would prosper.

"Not done studying. Not old enough. Have books though." Shrugs the woman. "Need wand back."

...

"What are these?" Somebody asks. She doesn't know who and she has long since stopped caring. She has watched as they almost damaged a wand beyond repair. She snatches it from them and begins to repair it before it explodes.

The shinobi watch her hands move with a great deal of interest.

"Wands." she replies shortly. " Magic stick." She adds when they ask for an explanation.

"Why so many?"

"Dead family members. Dead friends. Grandfather's store."

...

She watches as a curious Ibiki pick up a wand and wave it.

Several others do the same.

She looks like she is cringing away.

The Ninja in the room initially believe her reaction is due to them touching a memento.

Then sticky sweet incense smoke billows out the end of one and almost fills the room before she snatches it back.

"Grand mother Sayuri's wand not for you." She scolds as she banishes the smoke with her own stick.

Then she turns to rest of the people waving wands about. "You no have magic. Put wand down."

...

She is once again in the Hokage's office. This time they are on better terms.

Neither of them mention the mess in the intelligence department although she looks exceedingly smug.

She was one of the few to leave torture and interrogation in a better mood then she went in.

Three ninjas were confirmed to be able to use magic. The wands they tested were so wrong for them that they had almost torn down the building.

She had spent a good ten minutes laughing before fixing the mess and demanding to be let out in her broken japanese.

He wanted her to teach them the magical arts, almost demanded her, until she pulled all forty of her text books out from her magic bag. "I too young to be teacher. Not finish school yet."

The old man's eyes nearly popped out of his head. 16 years old and she STILL wasn't finished with her schooling? Even with six years of 15 hour work days?

The work load for bringing them to the level of the average magus was far too much for the shinobi to handle. Not when they were still rebuilding from the Kyuubi attack.

"So what will you do now Oribanda -san?" He asks.

She becomes quiet. She couldn't get a job since she did not speak their language fluently. She is fairly certain that she had butchered a number of grammatical rules and insulted several people unintentionally. She has no physical skills to make up for her lack of language skills. She was too old to take up ninja training plus she wouldn't have had the time or mindset for it. The only skills she had involved her magic. Her friends had all been killed by the followers of He-who-must-not-be-named. She had intended to apparate to another magical community and start a shop there.

Her uncle Tom and grandfather Garrick had believed she could work as a wand maker both of them having trained her over the course of her childhood. Her had scored O's on almost all of her classes but only some of them would apply here. Charms could definitely be put to use. Transfiguration might not be so useful since something in the air kept interfering with the flow of magic. History would only be useful if she decided to be an author (certainly not. That is much too boring). Herbology would only be useful if she could find someway to get owl post to order plants with. Potions was heavily tied to Herbology since the majority of the plants she had studied were also ingredients for potions. She only knew the runes for guarding and warding perhaps security- No. It was labor intensive and the effects are not visible to the eye until they are set up.

There was no point in making wands as she had no intention of teaching people how to use magic. She had a feeling that any magical disasters would be pinned on her and she had no intention of spending her life dealing with lawsuits.

She also had a stack of text books that she had grabbed from her friends when she fled that she might be able to learn from later.

She straightened her back and replied. "I find unused and broken shop and live in it."

The old man chuckled and nodded. "Very well. If you can repair a building or two as you have with the interrogation rooms. You can live in one of these shops."

Three days later the paper work is finally processed.

A new shop has opened in the Shinobi shopping district.

It was a two story building that was mostly white with a bright indigo roof, accents and awnings.

It had two bed rooms, two and a half bathrooms, a large kitchen, a den, a dining room, a show room, a work shop, a quiet room, and another work room in the basement for explosive potions that she eventually intended to make in addition to the store front.

It also had a fireplace in the back.

Say what you will about magic Britain but She did eventually hope to set up a floo network and reconnect with her teachers.

As for how a cheap two story building had space for all those rooms? Well, the undetectable extension charm certainly had its uses, father and grandfather had shown her how to use it to work around the pipes and wires. Though this was usually a poor idea when working with magical wood. Crafting wands were best done outside at specific times of the day for maximum effect.

Shinobi didn't like small spaces. It made them twitchy.

Civilians found large spaces aesthetically appealing.

So large spaces it was.

All of the rooms were a nice warm cream with mahogany floors. She left the basement with stone floors since she didn't want any spilled potions to cause a disaster. Not to mention the possibility of the floors warping if something spilled in-between the cracks.

Various ninja had helped her move the furniture into its proper place in exchange for a small sample of what she had intended to sell. She knew Her Aunt Bea would've have rolled in her grave at the thought of her niece selling things to muggles, even if the ninja didn't really count. Seriously, they could walks on walls and in the middle of lakes. No wizard can do that unless they carefully charmed their shoes!

The store front had been cleaned and polished and polished. 20 wands were carefully displayed with the names of their previous owner under the counter as tribute. Shelves of potions had been carefully measured and tagged with very detailed instructions. Morino had shown interest in veritaserum (Add as last ingredient. Adding before last ingredient would change the nature of the potion) Though she would probably have to raise the price due to the lack of certain ingredients. She should eventually be able to experiment with some of the things in the elemental nations to find decent substitutes.

Some of the medical ninjas have shown interest in her all purpose antidotes so she stocked those too (Drink in one large gulp. Do not eat or drink anything until one hour has past). The prices were much higher due to the lack of bezoars in the area.

She also put out several small tubs of bruise paste (Wash area clean then wipe on just enough until bruise fades). She had seen people spar and some of those punches looked like they would hurt.

It was summer here and she was debating whether or not the should sell cough potions or sneeze brews for allergies but decided against it.

The developing solution ought to be a hit though (replace regular developing solution with magic developing solution and half the time). Several people had already gawked at the moving paintings she had used to decorate the store (She made sure to use her more friendly and business oriented Uncles as well as the portrait of her grandmother who had numerous portraits at various locations in london.) Whats more the ingredients were abundant and the only thing the locals needed to make the solution was just a touch of magic.

On the other side of the shop she had some magical sweets. Mina knows that there will be naysayers. People who think that her powers come from the cultists and other evil sources. She has read about the witch hunts and the red scare from her muggleborn friends. She knows that hysteria is always a possibility and it only takes one person in the village to destroy her chances in Konoha. But the other sources of strange powers in this place always come from questionable sources and are used for questionable things.

So she sells trivial things. Little bits of magic so frivolous that no one would think that it came from demons or evil gods. Chocolate frogs. Canary cremes. Bertie and Botts every flavor beans (she includes a guide.) Ice mice. Pepper Imps. The classic charmed candies from honey dukes.

She puts a few pieces of charmed paper inside the shop so that she could keep potential thieves at bay until she could set up a rune ward. It would record the people that enter the store and show where they go on the premises. It wasn't very detailed but it was still useful. She would have to find someway to thank Mister Black for showing her how to make the map. Hopefully she could do that when she figures out how the floo works.

Mina adds one final detail outside and the store is in business.

In front of the purple shop hung a sign in golden letters.

Oribanda Mina

Proprietress of

The Flying Blackbird

Add a little magic to your life

Chapter Text

The shop is, of course a hit amongst the ninja (Civilians being much more supersticious, avoided her shop as much as possible).

Especially the ones that were boggled by her arrival.

In a way, the scuffle that broke out in the Hokage office was excellent advertising. It didn't even cos her any magic or money to do.

The popularity was something of a learning experience for everyone involved.

Mina had always taken her magic for granted. She had grown up with it and all of her skills utilized it. She had only intended to open a potions and candy shop. The former being amongst her best subjects (Good thing the seeds she bought are growing well. It's slow going but damn it she has no intentions of losing a skill her mother had taught to her. Or any thing she has learned from her friends and family. It's the only way she can think of to honor her loved ones.)

When people started coming to her for various charms it took her by surprise. She never expected to use her charms for more then repairs and cleaning (And perhaps making candy).

But after some time she could see the use of her charms in the world of muggles (She isn't quite sure if she should really call them that. They could clearly use magic, even if their magic is different from her own. She chooses to believe that their magic is like that of house elves, goblins and other magical creatures, familiar but foreign at the same time and unreachable for her.)

The undetectable extension charms were the most popular even when she told them that the charm wore off after a few years. She had a feeling they didn't believe her, but if they suddenly discovered that their belongings were suddenly spilling out of her bag when they shouldn't fit it would not be her fault. She made them sign a contract for that. She didn't have the power to make the charm permanent just yet and she made sure that they knew it. She also made them sign a contract so she wouldn't get accused of fraud.

Hiruzen is grateful that the witch doesn't seem to notice her apparent power. Despite the strange and uncertain situation the girl (She was a civilian. Even if she has seen war she is still civilian and thus still a child in their eyes.) has found herself in, she has held her own and planted herself amongst them like a weed.

He hopes she doesn't realize her own potential for destruction until they find a way to tie her to the village. He tells his ninja to humor the witch regarding her requests as long as they weren't harmful. If she wanted to make more paperwork for herself that was her prerogative. Their looks of dismay when they see the work load for becoming a magus broke up the monotony of beauocracy quite nicely. He now understands why she laughed when he did it.

He knows that his council will no doubt try to pressure her to train other shinobi in the ways of magic. They will push for her to start a family once they find out that it is partially genetic. The allure of magic was even more powerful in real life then in children's stories and he knows that nothing good will come of it if the girl were to break.)

The second most popular happened to be Impervious.

The blond one who legilimensed her had asked how she managed to stay clean in her many scuffles with death eaters and treks through the wilds. She had explained that she simply impervioused her things.

Evidently that was not the right thing to say as she was promptly given a pile of clothes to charm. There was a mild disagreement regarding her payment (What? She was proud of the skills her family had taught her and she wasn't going to work for free, even under duress! One of her uncles taught her that before he was killed by that Damned Rodolphus Lestrange.) before she charmed them to be dirt proof, weather proof (Why anyone would wear a dress in the rain was beyond her.) and blood proof (Ugh. Perhaps these were closer to goblins then she initially thought. They were clearly warriors if they requested something to be blood proof.)

She made them knife proof too since doubted that they were the only mercenaries in this world. But that was more trouble then it was worth since it repelled their own weapons too.

She did however decide to ward the inside of her store to repel throwing kunai once she figured out what they did.

Since then she was visited regularly by people who wanted their clothes charmed. Especially by the people with white eyes.

She wonders if they had some sort of color blindness since they all wore rather light colored clothes. Perhaps that was a familial preference like the Houses back in Britain.

It would be rude to ask, so she didn't.

Then again perhaps she should since they all stared at her like she was some sort of ghost. None of them would answer her greetings nor would they approach her.

(Because how can something be alive with out chakra? How can a teenage girl do the things she can with out chakra? The Hokage had deemed her safe but the presence of the store would give the older Hyuuga many nightmares until she saves one of them entirely by accident. The youngest generation oddly enough didn't have a problem with the witch's strange ways.)

Mina's first customer came in about two hours after she opens.

It's a teenage girl with purple hair. Purple hair! Now she knew that Chakra was the dominant force in this region so the girl's hair must've been natural.

The teenager walks around the store looking in wonder until she sees her watching. "What are you staring at!" She grits.

Mina blinked and blushed. She hadn't to stare like that. How rude of her to make such a poor first impression. "Ah. Sorry. I not from here." She waves nervously. "Where I from there no Purple hair."

The two girls stare awkwardly for a few moments before Mina bows. "I Mina Ollivander... er.. I mean I Orimanda Mina. Welcome to Flying Blackbird. Need help?"

The girl seemed relieved that something she had said because she nods back. "I'm Mitarashi Anko. I saw this place on the way home. Seems pretty cool." Then she points to the shelf of Chocolate frogs looking a little grossed out. "Are those real frogs?"

"No. They chocolate charmed to move like frog."

Anko nodded skeptically and went back to browsing the candy rack. "Hey what flavors do these jelly beans come in?"

Mina craned her neck to see what she was pointing at. " Ah. Those not jam beans. They every flavor beans. They come in every flavor. Few flavors are coffee, cherry, orange, apple, beef, garlic, pineapple, dango, grass, soap, boot, and strawberry."

Anko stared at the awkwardly shifting shopkeeper as she tried to process the list in her head. "Beef flavored?"

"Yes. I wrote guide for beginners." Perhaps the every flavor beans were a bit much for a town first being exposed to magic. "But if too much for you. You can try pepper imp. I have sample here." She gestures to a tray with little black candies in it.

"So you bought this from a shop that mysteriously appeared?" Asked a certain senbon chewing ninja as he inspected a purple jelly bean.

"Yep. The one I ate was bacon flavored." Replied Anko. She was still trying to get the awful taste of candy textured meat out of her mouth with copious amounts of sake. "Apparently they come in every flavor imaginable. Now eat it. I wanna know what you got."

Genma glanced at the others who were also inspecting the beans. There's only one person who could set up a shop in under three days and the hokage had confirmed her to be mostly harmless. She certainly had the power to do much harm but she sometimes seemed to have her head in the clouds. Oh well, no sense in delaying.

He popped the jelly bean in his mouth. "Huh, grapes."

They weren't bad actually. So he takes another bean from the candy dish, green this time, and eats it.

He spits it back out almost instantly. "Sprouts" He coughs. "Why the hell would anyone want to eat sprout flavored beans?! That's nasty."

"You got sprouts? I got mint." Called Aoba "Man, these jelly beans are nuts. Hey Kurenai, what did you get?"

"I got cherry the first time. Strawberry the second. Looks like the red ones are safe." She absentmindedly chewed a third red jelly bean for a few moments before she stilled. Her face slowly began turning redder and redder until she spat out the candy in a napkin. "Nevermind! That was Pepper!" She coughed and wiped her tearing eyes. "Where did you get these?"

"That New purple shop. The Flying Blackbird. I bought some stuff that lets ya smoke from the ears too. I'm gonna prank Ibiki with them." Replied Anko who was cautiously looking at a brown colored bean and ignoring the stares from the other ninja. "Owner looks like she's either a foreigner or has a really bad speech impediment."

Genma nodded in understanding. "Ah You must be talking about Mina. Boy, she works fast. I'll have to pay her a visit sometime."

"First name basis already? She ain't the only one who works fast." Sniggered the snake woman. "Seriously. What is up with that shop. The construction of that shop should have taken at least a year. There is no way something like that could've appeared when i was out on a mission not with out magic or something."

"That's the thing. Mina actually IS a witch. I was part of the Hokage's guard when she showed up. I watched her wave her stick and the whole store just built itself." He rubbed his head at the memory. "Said it was a basic spell too. As for the name thing, she just got sick of listening to people butcher it. Seriously, if you address her by her family name she'll slap you." The woman's slaps didn't much force behind them but they hurt none the less. Especially when her hands met his ears. He winces at the memory and rubs his ear. It reminded him of the times his father would box his ears for stupidity.

"Wasn't there some incident a few days ago in T&I?"

"Yeah, that would the Mina-san. She didn't like us going through her things and strung us all up by our ankles."

"So we have a witch in Konoha. Lemon." Someone else asked

"Yep."

"A witch from those old stories?"

"Yep"

"The hokage knows this?"

"Yep"

"Huh. Cool. We have a witch." Shrugged Anko as she popped the brown bean in her mouth. "Chocolate."

"Did she have any of those freaky paintings in her shop?" Asked Aoba. "From what I heard only one of them spoke our language and cussed out the people handling it. First for harrassing the daughter, then for dropping the frame. Total head trip there."

"She only had a duffelbag and a back pack? How much stuff could she possibly have?" Questioned Genma. He takes his senbon and pulls a white jelly bean from his mouth (It was soap flavored.)

Aoba gives him a deadpan stare and begins counting off his fingers. "I pulled out half a dozen talking paintings (Judging from their expressions, Aoba was fairly certain they were berating him in their language. Except for the one of an elderly lady in an expensive looking Kimono. That one cussed him out in their own language and accused them of being grave robbers.), a radio (What the hell was it playing? How did it run with out batteries?), a clump of metal that opened up into a giant pot (It weighed a ton and had some sort of residue that made their fingers swell to unbelievable sizes.), a set of scales, a bundle of wands (He isn't ashamed to admit that he wanted to wave one around to see if anything would happen), an expensive looking broomstick that would float away when left unattended for too long (He suspected that it was for flying.)"

At this point he stops and takes a long drink of sake before continuing his overly long list. "A telescope which gave someone a black eye (Uchiha Satoshi plays off his black eye as a result from a spar. The story of a punching teloscope being too ludicrous to be believed), Six different pairs of shoes, scaled gloves, what looked like a huge stack of textbooks(He couldn't read it but he knows that the contents would be interesting.), and a box packed with strange clothes. Oh, and a wallet with teeth that bit me when I tried to take a look at what was inside it."

He waves his heavily bandaged hand for emphasis.

"I didn't get to see what was inside the other bag but it looked like a bunch of food and drinks tossed with various kinds of crafting material. Everything was a jumbled mess and it took forever to sort everything out." The implication being that the witch had carefully packed the first bag for a long journey and the second one was filled with what ever she could get her hands on, an after thought.

All of them wondered what would come from the shop aside from strange candies.

In time the Flying Blackbird would become famous

They would be renowned for their products.

The shop would eventually be known for their mind boggling wares. Objects that everyone, from the daimyo to the farmers could use and find appealing.

In the shinobi world, the shop would also become famous for crazy missions. Especially the ones involving the strange plants in the back of the store (Because loose bouncing bulbs were a head ache and a half for everyone involved).

Since the store was so popular politics got dragged into it, reaffirming that politics were a pain in the arse for everyone involved.

And also reminding them that the shop keeper wasn't too bad at politics herself. (Politics were a part of life for buisnessman. Her entire family was very influential in the ministry of magic even if they didn't like to show it. There was a reason that nobody gave them trouble when they married muggles or squibs.)

Chapter Text

Contrary to what the civilians of Konoha say, Mina Olivander is neither retarded nor illiterate. She knew how to speak a variety of languages and customs since the family connections are world wide. But since only Grandma Sayuri sold things in japan (Candies and fashionable clothing.) she was the only person who could could've taught her japanese.

It's how she knows how to mentally convert galleons to yen to ryo.

The problem is that she died when Mina was 7. Right around the time when Mina had mastered hiragana and katakana and beginning kanji. Her portrait had not been completed until she was in Hogwarts.

Her DADA teachers had taught her that the mind is an interesting thing. It is much better at recognition then it is at recalling. Both of which are needed if anyone wanted to function in society for long.

Hearing and understanding foreign languages would fall under the category of recognition.

Speaking on the other hand requires recall.

Mina Olivander understood what everyone was saying, and while she had some trouble reading Kanji she could still write out contracts in reasonably clear handwriting.

Once a week she would have to visit the Hokage (She has learned that he is the person in charge. While she doesn't agree with military dictatorship she has to admit that the government of Konoha does a better job of keeping things in order then the ministry of magic.)

There she would sit along side one other boy and learn how to read and write kanji as well as proper grammar.

Why did she have to go the the Hokage of all people?

She scared the civilians. Most of them seemed to regard her the same way they regarded ninja. They appreciated their services but would prefer if they kept the buisness as far from them as possible.

The boy, Naruto Uzumaki (Uzumaki Naruto, she repeats in her head, because she is a citizen of the village now. She'll be living here for the future. She should get used to the culture.), apparently was the same though she couldn't really fathom the reason.

Perhaps she should invite him into the shop one day for tea. They could bond over their weirdness.

She'd better get better at speaking the native language first though.

She knew that she sometimes had an off smell due to the plants she worked with. (Thank god her at least some of her plant stocks survived the trip. It was the only one she had and while she had seeds they took years to grow and many of the ingredients in her potions required parts from aged plants.) Her venomous tentacula had reestablished itself in the backyard of her shop and occasionally shot those awful spiked spores.

She would have to grow another snargaluff though which is going to be a pain. The bubotuber was currently not in good health due to being deprived of sunlight for too long. She would have to grow plant dittany when the weather cooled.

(Years later Genin would curse her name as they found themselves getting torn up and bitten by the plants they had to uproot. She would have the dubious honor to be the only client of C ranked weeding missions.)

"BU' ITS BORING" Whined the boy.

Then again his voice was rather grating and he didn't seem to understand the concept indoor voice. So perhaps that was it.

In exchange for the language lessons Mina would bring in a vial of fire protection potion.(She isn't entirely sure why he needs since walking into fire is obviously a piss poor idea but who was she to judge. She raided several stores before setting the Lestranges on fire and running away.)

Several unsavory characters had entered the store with the malicious intentions. Most of them were obviously looking for someway to stick their grubby fingers into her cauldron on success. The most common method seemed to be contracts written in highly advanced and archaic Kanji despite her repeated requests for everything to be printed in kana.

One such contract was actually an agreement for her first born.

Good god, she thought those things only happened in fairy tales and archaic wizard societies.

She resolved to send such contracts to the Hokage for him to deal with, complete with the names of the individuals who gave them to her (A charmed piece of paper that identified visitors of the shop was a very handy tool to have. Once she figured out how Sirius Black had done it she would make a map that would track the people on her property and record what they bought. But for now an identifier was good enough).

She knew that an arranged marriage would eventually be advantageous to her shop though but she had to be of age to set herself up with one.

Though marrying for love was a romantic, though highly unrealistic dream (As preached by her aunts, uncles and grandparents.) She would at least like to get along with her partner. Plus it would be nice to have someone to pass the store to (and she would pass on the store, because even if her plant stock was eating most of her profits, she had faith that the Flying Blackbird would one day be famous just like her grandfather Garrick's wand shop in Diagon Alley).

Most wizards looked to marry up in high society. Pure blood to pure blood. Daughters to the heirs. Seconds to exclusive and high class buisness families (Pure blood obviously). The more pragmatic members of the noble houses (and the average magus) however, were a little less picky. But still few were interested in the Olivander family for anything other then discounts and connections (they tended to be pricks too).

Sarutobi Hiruzen was beginning to think that the gods were making Konoha the epicenter of a colossal joke.

He already knew that the presence of a witch would throw things off. It had only been six months and his village was already reaping the benefits of her presence (Veritaserum was prized in T&I though the unfortunate ninja who had to test the potion had been so embarrassed with his hobbies coming to light that he refused to show up for work the next day. The antidote to common poisions had been added to standard mission kits.) but she was already generating more paperwork then the upcoming peace conference.

He kept getting complaints about her dangerous shrubbery.(Plants that snapped and bit and spewed sludge were one thing. But he drew the line at flaming bushes. Garbage disposal and potion ingredient or not he refused to let her keep such a fire hazard in the middle of the village made out of WOOD.) He ordered some of the more hazardous plants to be planted close to the prison and for an instruction manual written for their care and harvest.

Prison escapes had dropped due to the presence of the biting flowers and some sort of spike shooting plant. The fire seed bushes had been taken out and replanted in the garbage sector to burn up the methane caused by garbage decomposing.

He was certain that the exotic plant life was probably giving the R&D a head ache (He guiltily hopes that its as bad as the ones he's been getting recently from all the paperwork.)

The council was demanding that something be done to curtail her destructive powers. Which he couldn't do with out resorting to extreme measures (He was not going to lobotomize a shop keeper, nor was he going to cut off her hands, or ruin her vocal cords). Plus he wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to do so either. Oribanda's powers certainly made up a good portion of who she was. They were tightly tied to her emotions and intents (Confirmed by Yamanaka Inoichi who noticed that many of the duels and battles boiled down to force of will.), making her a very poor fit for ROOT.

The methods that Danzo would use to train her would very likely sap her of her power. Not to mention the no chakra issue. He doubts that will stop ROOT from trying to recruit her.

Which means that she must be kept in the spotlight despite her wishes (She still hasn't realized how extraordinary she was in the village, much like his young surrogate grandson).

She kept forwarding letters and contracts to him to transcribe into kana. Most of them were fraudulent or coercive in one was or another from certain civilians trying to cash in on her success (They didn't like the idea of an outsider rising through their ranks and resented her apparent success.) The letters were always jinxed so that only he could open it (Why him? A desk chunin would have worked just as well).

Though it was interesting to note that she had included a note explaining that if she MUST marry to remain a citizen (That was a lie perpetuated by unscrupulous citizens.), she would prefer to do it when she did not have to worry about falling into financial ruin. A situation that was unlikely given the popularity of her undetectable extension charms.

But an arranged marriage was certainly a possibility of keeping his council quiet.

Mina is in the shower when the commotion outside starts (It starts with a yell of alarm, followed by swearing).

The first thing she does is fling open her window and point her wand and bellow. "IMMOBULUS!" because the noise was coming from her garden and since her plant stocks were low to begin with and were in the midst of establishing themselves, she couldn't afford to lose any of them (Especially not her bubotuber.)

Because nobody was supposed to be back there.

Once she was certain all movement outside has ceased she steps out of her shower, wraps a towel around herself and goes outside to investigate.

"Lumos"

What she stumbles on to enrages her to no end. She had fled to the middle of nowhere specifically to escape persecution and these ninja had the gall to try and uproot her plant stock?! All the eyes widen with shock as they watch her take in the damage done to her back yard (Though later on she realizes that part of it had to do with her state of dress.)

The ground is tremendously uneven in some parts (it was not like that in the afternoon), half of her precious plants have been upset as evidenced by the indignant noises coming from some of them.

A tied burlap sack lies limply inside a furrow on the ground.

She would look back on this day later and laugh about the ridiculousness of the situation.

It was a rather comical sight to see several ninja being chewed on by her venomous tentacula (also immobilized but the threat of being bitten and invenomated was still there).

All of them frozen in various poses. (The white eyed ones better not be trying to rob her or she will ban them from the premises. It might be a light punishment for attempted robbery but she has no other choice. She has yet to climb out of the red and can't really afford to do much else.)

It occurs that she is standing outside in the november evening, wearing nothing but a towel with shampoo and soap dripping from her hair, and that handling it herself may not be the best of ideas. She shivers slightly before calling into the darkness. "Police?"

There is no response.

"P-POLICE? I R-REQUIRE ASSISTANCE!" Perhaps she is mispronouncing the word. Better try something easier.

"AUROR? ANBU?! HELP?!" What in the name of Merlin's thumbs are they doing? Did she immobilize them too? Don't they have some sort of patrol for something like this? Her teeth were begining to chatter making it even harder for her to speak clearly.

She was not in the right state to juggle three charms simultaneously on her wand. Her arms were already shaking though she couldn't tell if it was from fatigue or from the cold.

Either way her wand was too unsteady for anything, so wandless magic will have to do (Wandless magic was much more tiring then wand magic. But everyone in her family knew at least the summoning charm with just their hands. After all, no one has their wand with them all the time and they should have a way to fetch it in a hurry. It was also handy for fetching toilet paper when they were stuck in the loo).

"Accio howler!" She hoped there was one already prepped amidst her yet-to-be-sorted stationery.

A red sheet of paper neatly fluttered down in front of her. It was slightly wet so it must've come through the bathroom window (Damn, she forgot to turn off her shower. Hopefully the water bill isn't too much.) It would dampen the volume a bit but it should still be loud enough to work. "Dictate." She signaled for it to begin recording and spoke her request to it before kicking the smoking paper as far away as she could (Not very).

A few minutes later the paper burst into flames and her voice was broadcasted in earsplitting volume into the night. "I REQUEST CLEAN UP OF SIX B-B-BURGLARS IN MY G-GARDEN. HURRY UP. M-MY ARM TIRED AND I W-W-WET WITH SHAMP-P-POO IN HAIR."

She cringed, and not just from the volume. Her voice sounds so silly when it's broadcasted like that plus her lack of skill with the language is clearly audible with all the stutters.

Her ears are ringing but it works like a charm. No sooner then ten seconds pass before several masked figures show up.

"Thank You. We'll take care of this mess." Says the one with what looks like a dog mask with two marks on each side. He squirms as he takes in the ridiculousness of the scene. He sounds so embarrassed when he croaks out the next line "You can go back inside and er.. finish washing up."

She eyes him carefully to see if he could actually do it before nodding and going back inside. "Very well. Have good night."

Chapter Text

The proprietor the Flying Blackbird, Oribanda Mina was as strange as her name. She wore what seemed to be a formalized night gown (The kind that grandmothers wear, complete with the frilly cuffs) under a short black cloak with a yellow badger pin. Her hair was usually wrapped up in a towel or stuffed into a hat. Sometimes she when she was in the middle of brewing volatile potions, she could be seen in rather ridiculous goggles.

She spent her days in the shop greeting customers in broken japanese (it had improved quite a bit though she still occasionally misspoke.) and if nobody was in the shop, studying her arse off.

She spent her nights practicing her spells, brewing potions, and managing her death garden.

She had no knowledge about the noble clans and thought of them as she would an old civilian clan. (In her defense, there is very little difference between the noble wizard houses and the regular folk aside from a prestigious name. Magical prowess was only partially hereditary.)

When it was explained to her what the ninja clans were she shrugged and asked if they would be preordering essence of dittany if they fought so much.

Then she went right back to studying the process of animal transfiguration.

Civilians have gone from regarding her with fear and suspicion to unease.

Not with out reason, they were much more susceptible to the problems the magic posed. But as they did with the jinchuriki, they would change their attitude.

It seemed that with the ninja clans adapting and accepting the witch the civilians were following.

Oribanda Mina seemed to constantly shift in and out of favor with the pale eyed clan.

When the shop opened they were unnerved with her lack of chakra.

Then they were glad for her speedy repair charms. (The reparo charm was a god send amongst the parents)

The Hyuuga twins had had a very strange relationship with her every since the peace conference.

Hiashi was more than a little irritated at the woman and with good reason. He had, after all, been accused of robbery, chewed up by a semi sentient plant, covered in foul smelling goo that gave him a number of extremely painful boils (In very uncomfortable places.), and had his daughter mistaken for a pile of hostile bouncing plants in a sack (He refused to admit that the bouncing bulbs in a sack would certainly look like someone was struggling inside).

Hizashi on the other hand, had his nose broken by said bouncing bulbs, his eardrums popped by the shouting letter (The letter landed in his direction and he had been pinned to the ground by a Kumo nin.) and about a dozen spikes lodged in his rump (it meant hours on his stomach while the clan medic removed the spikes with a tweezer).

But while the twins had merely underestimated the growth of the witch's garden (They knew to avoid the tentacula), the Kumo nin were completely caught off guard.

Hiashi Hyuuga had watched the plants tear into the Kumo nin with savage satisfaction (He was only slightly disappointed that none of the kidnappers had died. Honestly, if they couldn't die by his hand they should've died at the hands of a plant).

He would continue to grin like that whenever the day is brought up.

If pressed a great deal, they would say that she is worth associating with for her power if not her common sense.

Still the accusation of trespass and robbery ruffled their feathers a good deal and caused some friction.

When she arrived at the office for her statement (Properly dressed and dry this time) she was barely recognizable as the girl in the bath towel from the week before.

Then she gave the Hyuuga princess a drought to calm her down (Hinata had remained a nervous wreck long after the paralysis tag was removed.) and gave her another one for later so she wouldn't get nightmares, with out realizing who she was or what she was doing there.

An act that once again put her back in their good graces.

If pressed the twins would agree that she had good character and her power was to be respected. They would also profess that she seemed to be rather oblivious at times.

Then they would begin bickering in dignified tones about her mental capacities.

Hizashi would insist that she possessed sharp wit and good instincts. She caught the fight and stopped it in a timely manner. She even froze the entire scene and summoned ANBU to investigate the mess. It was better for the Hyuuga clan to take a hit in the financial department (to repair the damaged section of her garden and pay for the medical bills) then for them to cause an international incident (Clan heads attacking foreign ninja is not a good thing), lose their heiress, or their clan head. Even if the two of them ended up in great pain after wards (She had refused to treat the magical injuries until the Hokage clarified that they were not trying to rob her garden). She also gave Hinata-hime several potions to help her calm herself and not have nightmares later with out knowing who she was.

Hiashi would say that she was rude, dense, and clearly mad. What kind of idiot would investigate violence with nothing but a towel and a stick(Granted it was a magic stick but it was the principle)? She had the gall to accuse them of grand larceny. The Hyuuga clan would never stoop to petty crimes like unsanctioned theft plant life (Missions were another story). He was obviously trying to stop his daughter from being taken and made into a brood mare that much was obvious. Also, why does she grow those god awful plants outside?! Why can't she grow them in a green house like a normal person?

The two of them would go at it for hours until they were redirected by what ever duties they had to finish.

Orimanda Mina was one of the few people in Konoha who did not find the Aburame clan unsettling.

She even shared their fashion sense.

She was also amongst the population who did not fear the Yamanakas reading their thoughts (She practiced occlumency religiously) or manipulating her in someway (Alley politics are much tougher).

Both parties shared an interest in her plant stocks after looking at her encyclopedia of magical plants and fungi (she had to do some translating).

The Aburame were mostly interested in the umbrella plants. Why? Because they were both visually appealing and effective at keeping kikaichu hives in shade. They sought to make themselves less intimidating by making their clan grounds look less like something out of a horror movie. How? Because according to what could be translated from the book, the flowers contain large amounts of sweet smelling nectar which was apparently good for the health. They desired the insect attracting variety.

They also noted that the devil's snare would made excellent guards and assassination weapons if the chance of friendly fire wasn't so high.

Contrary to popular belief, the process of having kikaichu nest in the bodies of their young was neither painful, nor cruel. They had no intention of cultivating a plant that could strangle unwitting visitors and children with out warning.

After the Hyuuga affair, they struck up a bargain. She would give them the seeds and the care instructions. In return, when they are able to harvest the plants she would get a percentage (Or further in the future, a heavy discount) for her shop.

Aburame Shibi and his elders watch R&D and the Yamanaka clan struggle with they're new aquisitions, and agree that they seemed to have gotten the better end of the deal regarding the oversized nonsentient blooms.

The Yamanakas, on the other hand were more interested in the semi sentient varieties of everyday plants. Especially after the semipermanent nature of the plant related injuries got back to them (Hiashi becomes insufferable for several months when it became clear that the medic-nin could not remove the boils and was too embarrassed to ask the witch for a cure).

After the Hyuuga incident they spent a substancial amount on packages of fanged geranium seeds and oriental chomping cabbage.

Yamanaka Ino grew to have a love hate relationship with them. She loved how her geraniums guarded her windows but they looked a little bit disturbing (Flowers with mouths!). She didn't like how the chomping cabbages tasted (Like soap and plastic) or how they kept ruining her shoes. But she read that cabbages were healthy and good for weight loss, so she ate them anyway (They also gave her a cute set of super sharp fangs).

Inoichi had inquired about the tentacula and if he could get a cutting of it for his own home. Partly because it could guard the most important green houses and partly because they also wanted to look at the properties (One of the Kumo nin had to retire from the infiltration division due to every part of him, chakra included, turning into a most vivid shade of purple.)

He was politely but firmly declined.

Apparently she only had One tentacula and they took a long time to grow. He managed to extract a few spores and the promise of a sucker when it finally appeared (He would have to send someone else over with protective gear and a hazmat suit to retrieve it. The witch had refused to deal with it. Said she wasn't a professional herbologist.)

Inoichi firmly felt that the witch was an impressive example of her kind, regardless of her penchant for making erroneous though logical judgements (Ignorance could be cured if it was not willfull). From what he had seen in her head most of them lack common sense, or worse, logic. He cringes and hopes that magic was not the cause of the idiocy in that other society.

The trial of the dog man was clearly a farce. They had spells for pain, mind penetration, and truth serums and their method of interrogation was shouting at him? Even rookie ninjas knew better then that and they were teenagers.

He had been the one to extract the memory of the Hyuuga-Kumo altercation from her mind and got a rather nasty headache from the whole thing. Watching the scene was mortifying (Not just from embarrassment). Especially because he knew there were definitely more effective ways to summon help then deafening them. There are also better ways of dealing high profile figures on one's property then to allow them to become victims of deadly plants and filing a report with the police (He hopes that the absturdity of the attack will help get the stick out of the collective Uchiha clan's ass.)

(It was almost a right of passage to deal with absurd cases in the Military police.)

The vast majority of the cases involve the witch somehow.

Usually over property damage or noise control.

Of course the clan elders took offense at their military force handling what they thought to be trivial problems.

They weren't.

Uchiha Fugaku could attest to that since he had dealt with the plants himself (They belonged in the forest of death not in a back yard.) Seeing an opportunity he immediately sought to find out if magic was teachable (It was.) and if any of his clan were capable of it (They had Uchiha Shisui take a wand to repeat what happened in the intelligence department.)

Only young Sasuke got sparks to fly out of it and only a few at that.

It was hard to tell if the sparks were made by him or if they were a signal that the wand was about to electrify him.

When they realized that sasuke was Not merely knocked out and would not wake to standard medical ninjutsu, Fugaku had had enough and sent for assistance.

While the Uchiha clan elders were wise individually, their collective intelligence and maturity was about the same as that of children. They would complain that the noble Uchiha clan should not bow to commoners. But the witch was not exactly common now was she?

Fugaku and Mikoto both explained this to the witch when she was summoned to the hospital. They hoped that she could understand their clan's tenuous position in Konoha and over look the slight.

She did.

She nodded and woke the boy with a wave of her wand and a word in her language.

Then she turned to his parents and demanded that the either the one who stole the wand be punished or the ones who ordered the thief to be punished. If they were unable to do so due to filial piety then they were to send someone to her shop so that she may use them as a test subject.

Seeing that the alternative would include being brought before the Hokage to settle charges of robbery and humiliated (They were guilty. No questioning it and he had no illusions that there wouldn't be and eavesdroppers.) he agreed.

Shisui would be sent over shortly once everything got sorted out.

Of course the incident wouldn't be kept under wraps.

Though the circumstances remained secret, the fact that Uchiha Shisui was being ordered to go to the Flying Blackbird, was not.

Plenty of rumors came from that one.

The rest of the clans don't have much to do with the witch beyond actual merchandise.

The Naras were smart enough to save themselves the head ache. She showed no interest in gaining power politically had no ulterior motives for moving into Konoha. Her success was from the novelty and usefulness of her spells. There were a few of them who would hang around her and discreetly gather information on how magic worked (IE, philosophical discussions over games of shogi, wizard's chess, and tea time), but other then that their interactions mostly involved some kind of transaction occurring between them.

The Inuzuka clan avoided her like the plague and ordered products from the Blackbird via a mail catologue. The smell of the shop being a very powerful repellant. To be precise it was more the smell of the plants she grew then the actual shop itself (Though an improperly brewed potion would ruin just about anyone's day). On the days where she has not tended to them she was often approached for various reasons, usually to chatter about various creatures from her home. They were curious about the werewolves and the cerberus as well as the group of people who could change into animals at will. And of course the occasional protective charm for the children who fear the monsters under the bed.

The only thing the Akimichi had to say about the witch was that she had extremely strange taste in food and drink. Black pudding for breakfast, bubble and squeak for dinner, and bread pudding for dessert. Each meal accompanied by pumpkin juice of all things.

Kumo had little to say regarding the woman who ruined their plans.

They did how ever have something to write in the pages of a bingo book.

Konoha Witch

B-rank

Motion controlling Kekkei genkai

Possible support nin

Approach with extreme caution

Chapter Text

Uchiha Shisui stood nervously out side the famous Flying Blackbird for what felt like hours waiting for the owner to let him inside. He had been sent by the elders of his clan to "Encourage beneficial bonds between fellow extrodinaires to bring about prosperity." Ie. bond with the woman and learn her secrets so that she doesn't turn into an enemy.

He knows that he was offered up as a guinea pig and he wanted to scream.

He loved his life in Konoha. He loved his clan. He would gladly walk through heaven and hell for them both. He promised his father he would do his duty as an Uchiha and as a Konoha nin to the best of his abilities.

Unfortunately this also included in stepping in when they have done something stupid.

So here he stands awaiting his punishment (He would honestly prefer a suicide mission then be experimented on by the lady who grew plant monsters.)

He really just wants to get this over with because the waiting was torture and the civilians kept staring and whispering.

"Oh, good. You are here." Calls the woman from the floor above the shop. "The door is unlocked. Go inside and put on the goggles on the counter."

Mina was well aware that the boy sent to her was meant to be a sacrifice.

No doubt his hou- clan sent him to placate her. The anti theft charms on her wand had harmed someone important.

Wand theft was generally a common part of the lives of wizard celebrities and parents.

Little children want to imitate their parents and so they take the wand and wave it about. Toy wands existed for a reason.

Quidditch fans either want to keep the wand of their idol to themselves or be the hero that returns the wand in hopes of sparking a special relationship.

She knows of at least a few Slytherin students who would playfully steal wands to flirt with people (House culture and all that).

Using a stolen wand was typically a poor idea. As said by her Grandfather Garrick, the wand chooses their wizard. Using a wand that has not been conquered (And thus earning their respect) typically yields subpar results or nasty surprises.

It's why the wand shops are always set up very simply. Less to break, less to repair after all.

She had no intentions of harming the boy but she will certainly show him the hazards using a stolen wand.

Scaring him would also be fun.

After explaining the rules of the shop to the boy, she set about putting him to work.

She had him clean the unused cauldrons with a wire scrub brush (cauldrons had to be cleaned by hand since magic reacts to the residue and causes nasty mutations.) and showed him what happened if magic was used to clean it by blowing up the pot.

Then the boy's fell off the shelf he was cleaning Morino Ibiki walks in along with two other ninja who had gotten reactions from her wands.

It seemed that the Hokage had given them all time off after a particularly tough interrogation and they had decided to spend more time fiddling with her wares.

The timing is rather suspicious, but she lets them try her wand selection as she always did (for a small fee each.)

The trio would fiddle around until the bars opened. Then they would put the wands back (Or in Ebisu's case, spell book) and march back out.

If it wasn't for his clan (He occasionally sees them watching from the shop windows), Shisui thought that he might've actually enjoyed his time working here. The store had the same number of health hazards as shinobi life and he didn't even have to leave the village. There were plenty of adrenaline involved the the number of explosions the shop went through each day. Tending the plant monsters (Or maybe they were monster Plants?), was more exausting then going to the front lines of war.

Shisui's reports added very little to the clan's store of useful knowledge (though some ravenclaws may disagree). His time was spent mostly as an indentured servant and guinea pig in the basement. It was like being a genin doing D-ranks all over again, only worse.

He didn't get paid as this was meant to be a punishment. In fact, right before she had him work, she threatened to jinx off his fingers (on top of what ever anti-theft charms on her products) with the same happy smile she used to greet her customers. Then she directed him into her basement had had him scrub her cauldrons.

Most of them had some sort of strange residue in them that caused funny effects (He accidentally got one of them in his eye and it swelled until it was bigger then his head.)

When he brought his eyeball to Mina she poured another potion onto it so that it shrunk back to normal, then inspected his eye.

Somedays he would work outside with her monster plants. He was more fond of those days as dealing with them was a lot like taijutsu training. He would use his sharingan to anticipate the movements of the bouncing bulbs and avoid being crushed by something the size of a crate. The venomous tencatula was like some of the Kiri nin he had fought in the war, aggressive and tenacious and very very toxic.

Ironically, the worst days were the ones where he had no work at all.

Those days, Mina would test her potions or do quality control.

He would have to drink a variety of potions that do a variety of things like causing him to breathe fire when ever he spoke, turning him into a member of the opposite sex for an hour, and shrinking him to the size of a mouse (Some guy dropped a porn book on him and put him in the hospital. He'd prank him but he had no clue who the guy was.)

Once such potion was a solution for regrowing bones.

He horrified the clan when he showed up one evening missing the bones in his arm.

That day was the first time the Uchiha clan elders realized that they were poking a sleeping dragon.

The bone removal was a complete accident too. She had stayed up for several nights brewing a very sensitive potion of some sort which left her in an extremely sleep deprived state.

He had just finished extracting ooze from a slug like plant when he walked too close to a bouncing bulb was the size of a crate and it barreled into him and crushed his right arm. Having heard the noise, Mina came outside and saw him lying on the ground, covered in freshly harvested bubotuber pus. She tried to cleaned him up by vanishing the mess only to accidentally shatter all the windows in her shop instead.

She was using the same wand that had landed him in this mess, the wand that nearly electrocuted Itachi's little brother(It sent a lightning bolt right up to the clouds and lit the poor boy up like a torch). Then with another wave of her wand she tried again and this time she successfully managed to vanish the mess only for the bones in his arm to disappear as well.

Two reparo charms (small fires, accidental colour changes, and one near explosion) later, she produced a strange concotion that not only tasted like something scraped off of somebody's shoe, but caused excruciating pain in his arm and sent him home. She called it skelegrow as it was meant to regrow bones.

It shocked the clan to the core to realize that a wooden stick was capable of such feats.

Much to shisui's despair, he was ordered to learn how to make one himself.

Interestingly enough, while he was not amongst the number of shinobi who could use a wand (Most of them were civilian born or children) he had some skill in potions which was something noone else could do if they didn't have magic.

He could mix low level magical balms. They were usually hit or miss in their effectiveness (the burn salve would either heal the burn, or give them boils), but it meant something all the same.

So he asked Mina to teach him how to make a proper wand.

She declined.

"Not many good wand cores here. Or wand wood for that matter."

Which explained why she occasionally rented out wands for shinobi to fiddle around with but never actually sold any. She did show him how to make a rudimentary wand with oak and dittany stalks (The leaves were useful, stalk were usually thrown out) though.

When she tested it out, the wand shattered the windows.

He had to explain to the ANBU that showed up what he was doing.

She commented that Hashirama wood was very powerful but was more likely to cause violent and excessive plant growth or hurt the one using it by fusing with them.

Fugaku wondered if this is what his life's purpose was to mediate between the clan elders and the rest of the village.

He had been sent to the store for the third time that week to check up on how Shisui was doing (He was apparently scrubbing cauldrons in the basement again). When he heard an interesting conversation.

"Hey Mina-san. You lived here for what. Two years now? How are you liking Konoha?"

"It's nice here Inoichi-san. I feeling like there is something below the surface."

"Well, there are plenty of rumors as to why you have an Uchiha prodigy working for you. Care to share?"

"Oh. He vandalized the shop and caused serious damage to the clan heir's youngest son."

"You mean the clan head's son. Itachi-sama isn't of age to actually have a child. That actually makes more sense then the rumor that they sold him to indentured servitude like Ebisu did. Or the other one where you two are dating."

"I do not know what to make of that." Fugaku could practically hear her expression.

"I heard some civilians talking about some Kyuubi attack. What happened to it? No one would tell me."

"Officially. The fourth Hokage killed it."

"They didn't put it back?"

"... What do you mean?" Funny, he was wondering the same thing.

"Ninetaled foxes are very secretive. They rarely leave their domain willingly. They should've put it back where it came from. I doubt it would've gotten so volatile if it was told that."

"Wizards have those?" "They're sentient?" Both men ask at the same time.

"Yes. There was a white one that lived in the forbidden forest at Hogwarts. My wand core was made from a hair on the center tail. That kyuubi helped me and some of my friends prank the teachers and the wizard ministry by proxy."

"You are going to have to tell me that story sometime. Do you have a picture?" Inquires another a voice, Shikaku Nara probably.

"Yes." A rustle of papers. "She is sleeping right now. Perhaps I can introduce you in a few years when she wakes. I'd tell you her name but that would be rude."

"It's much smaller then the one that ravaged the village. It's only the size of a building, how did it hide in the forest?"

"Well she can shapeshift into a human. The first Hokage should've put it back when he no longer needed it."

"Well, I wasn't alive around that time, but to my knowledge it was a hostile creature intent on destroying everything and could not be removed from his wife without killing her. I'll let the hokage know." Explained Inoichi.

"Good heavens, Ninjas don't have much logic do they?"

"Mina-san. I don't want to hear that from a magus. You're just as bad" Groaned the blond.

"Now, Shikaku-san. I believe it was your move?"

"Hn. Troublesome. Knight to G4" Followed by a smashing sound.

He left after that.

"I believe out eavesdropper has left" Chirped Mina.

"Thats a really handy spell." Replied Inoichi. "What was it? Homunkurusu Reberio."

"You are speaking it wrong but yes."

"I take it the sign above the door is a derivative of that spell." Asked Shikaku while pointing to a wooden sign that read 'Enter Yamanaka Inoichi, Nara Shikaku'.

"Yes. An upperclassmen from Gryffindor showed me how to do it. He and his friends actually made a map of Hogwarts that could track the locations of people in the building. Please don't ask me to do that. I would need an extensive knowledge of every part of Konoha and I suspect that people would kill me for it." She replied.

"You're not wrong." Shrugged the Nara clan head as he hunched over the chess board. "I wanted ask you if your servant has done anything suspicious? Aside from stealing your wand."

"Ah. You know about that?"

"Both of our clans have people who work at the hospital. Plus there was a huge lightning bolt several months ago. With Sasuke ending up in a coma and needing you to wake him, it wasn't hard to draw conclussions."

The witch sighed heavily. "Please do not drag me into you blood feuds. The lightning rune I placed on to my wand was to make sure people didn't steal it and try to use it."

The two clan heads shrugged. They knew that she was involved no matter what she wanted.

"What's so special about your wand anyway?"

The witch plucks her wand from beneath her cloak and carefully places it on the table. "Beech, 13 inches, Kyuubi tail core. Good for multitasking. Yes, my wand is unique."

"Kyuubi tail is rare since the foxes do not shed. The only way to get it is to bribe, bluster, trick, and haggle for it. Or in my case, Impress it with a suitably large prank. Apparently helping a squib graduate from hogwarts qualifies."

"Did you're grandfather actually make it for you?"

"Yes. It's a family tradition to use the wand of a deceased family member until you procure your own core and wood. Then the head of the house would make it with the wood best suited for you. You get some strange cores from time to time. One of my cousins used a wand with a harpy feather core."

"You always say the wand chooses the wizard, thats why you sold a wand to Ebisu." Prompted Inoichi.

"The wand often is a reflection of the magus that uses it. Large wands tend to end up with people who have large personalities. Small wands with people who are lacking in character. Degrees of flexibility indicating their mental thought process. Theres more to it but that would fall under trade secrets."

"And what would we have" Questioned Shikaku

"Blackthorn, 12 inches, phoenix feather. Surprisingly grounded." Answered Mina while she pointed at the Nara "Willow, 10 inches, Unicorn hair. Whippy." Then she cocked her head and smiled slightly. "I presume your third would have a dragon heartstring. but I have yet to meet him."

The two of them glanced at each other and nodded to the woman. "Thank You for having us Mina-san. We must be going."

"So what do you think?" Asked Inoichi. "Should we involve her?"

"It would make things easier if we had access to her resources. Danzo isn't the type to let g of things easily no matter what Hokage-sama wants to believe."

"If i recall, Shisui has a mangekyo sharingan. Him working in her shop is probably not a good thing if it does what I think it does. A witch is dangerous enough. A witch with her thoughts addled would be much worse."

"Troublesome" He sighed. "Looks like I'd better start bringing food here too."

Chapter Text

People call Hatake Kakashi a genius.

Geniuses succeed at everything they do.

He failed Obito. (The rocks continued to fall)

He failed Rin. (Sometimes he could still feel her blood on his hands.)

He failed Sensei. (He should've been there. It should've been him.)

As he watches the civilians of the village his mentor had died to save try to break the last bit of the fourth, he realizes that he has failed Naruto too.

Hatake Kakashi was a failure regardless of what people said.

He couldn't bring himself to look after Naruto (He couldn't even bring himself to look AT Naruto).

But ANBU Dog could.

ANBU Dog could watch over the boy and take care of those who mean to do him harm (An unfortunately large number). The boy would never be alone, even if he never knew it.

Naruto shifts nervously on the bench. People kept shooting him these awful glares as they pass by. That or they would ignore him, which was just as bad. That always hurt. He didn't know why they did that. Nobody would tell him and he didn't know how to make those glares stop.

He noticed that people never stared at Hokage jiji though.

He was all done with his reading lesson for the week. Jiji had told him a really cool story about how one of his team mates did something awesome to save the day. Then the lady that sometimes joined him for lessons, invited him over to her shop for tea.

He didn't like tea much 'cuz the stuff was expensive and didn't fill up his belly very much.

Maybe this was going to be one of those things that really mean people do. They give you something nice, then do something really mean and say its ok because of the nice thing they did.

He asked jiji if thats what the lady was planning but he said it wasn't.

The lady talks kinda bad and has to have a lot more lessons he does. So now he has to wait.

"Ah. Finished" Chirped the lady. "Were you waiting long?"

He shrugged then pointed at her very rudely. "Kinda. So who're you?"

"It's rude to point." She replied. But then she added. "I tell you my name if you say yours."

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I'm gonna be the Hokage one day." He shouts rather cheerfully. If he was hokage then everyone would have to look at him and be nice to him right?

He watches the lady with apprehension. People always went away from him once he told them his name. The kids at the playground never played with him once he told them his name.

"Why you want to be Hokage? It's too much paperwork." She replied. "Then again. Maybe you like paperwork. Anyway, I'm Oribanda Mina. Lets go and have tea."

"If I was Hokage people would be nice to me." He announces. Then he realizes something, she wasn't moving away from him. "Lets? Like you an' me?"

"Well I did ask you to come to my shop for tea." Shrugged Mina. "You don't really have to join me."

He quickly agreed. "Bu' why tea? Thats gross! Only old people drink that stuff! Why can't we get ramen instead? Ramen tastes much better. I know! We can go to Ichiraku's!"

Mina stopped and stared at him when he finished talking and he squirms inside again. Maybe he shouldn't have said that tea was gross. Maybe he should've said that he liked tea. What if she thought he was calling her old. Jiji said that ladies didn't like to be called old.

"Naruto. I do not think we are talking about the same thing? I was referring to tea time."

What? She must've seen the look on his face because she kept talking. "You know. Tea time. Sandwiches, cake, a light meal? With tea? And no ramen. I don't have enough money to buy any of it."

"Oh." He replies, feeling silly. "Well I guess tha's fine then."

The look on the boy's face reminded her of why she loved working in wizard shops.

The first time a child steps into a wizard shop their eyes always light up with wonder. Naruto was no different. "WHOA! THIS PLACE IS AWESOME!" Shouted Naruto as he watched the cleaning implements hurry about doing their duty. "How'd you get the brooms to sweep by itself? Can you teach me?"

"Well having magic helps a lot." She shrugs. "You're a bit too young for me to actually teach you anything right now."

Of course small children were also good at making her feel extremely guilty. His face crumpled immediately and he hung his head in disappointment.

"But if you help me prep for tea time. I could show you a few muggle magic tricks." She offered.

He heartily agreed and the two of them spent the next hour throwing together sandwiches and baking their own tea cakes.

She in turn taught him a number of fun sleight of hand magic tricks (This would eventually allow him to handle multiple kunai at the same time giving him the illusion that he had more then two hands.) and told him a few of the pranks her schoolmates the Marauders had played. (They turned an entire tower red? Awesome!)

He ended up staying past tea time.

Now she was under no illusions that his presence would cost her business. She really couldn't afford to do so. While she no longer had to worry about whether she would be able to afford food and other amenities, it wouldn't take much to put her back into that state between the strange tax hikes she'd been getting. (Apparently clans paid a tax and her magic qualified her as a clan.)

Witch or not, a homeless woman was pretty much asking to get raped.

So when Shisui shows up for the afternoon, she sends the two of them out back to harvest the dittany.

Mina watches the two boys get on like a house on fire before turning back to her shop. "So what brings you back Hatake-san?"

He had come into the shop once before, he cleared out her entire stock of dreamless sleep potions.

She was sure he would have done it again if she hadn't told him that it would make him prone to hallucinations if he did took too much in a short time. "Hatake please do not stand on the ceiling. I have no desire to pull my broom of the closet to clean dirt off of there."

"Please do not call me by my name when I am on duty." Came the reply.

She merely raised an eyebrow. "You saw me in a towel with soap in my hair. I think that gives me the right to address you by name. It's not exactly a crime to know the Identities of ANBU."

He choked audibly and croaked out "It is if you get kidnapped."

The attempted burglary was a year ago, why did he still get all tied up with it. "I can apparate. But thank you for the concern." Then she went about her business, studying and selling charms.

The man was good at hiding, she had to give him that. If it wasn't for her sign, she would've never known he was there at all. Honestly, why did he have hide in the corner, it's not like anyone cared if he was here or not. His porcelain mask also brought up some rather bad memories. (Red lights flashed, then pain. So much pain.) She shook the memories out f her head.

Well, if he wasn't going to leave maybe she could get some entertainment. (And maybe put some old night mares to rest.)

"So what was the book you dropped the other day? Shisui was complaining about never living it down."

Another uncomfortable noise from the corner. "A good piece of literature?" He stumbled. "Why are you asking?"

Oh this was going to be fun. Kind of like teasing the slytherin boys who had yet to come to terms with the existence of sexuality. Their stoic expressions always failed when they realized that their speech had been interrupted by a passing girl (Or boy. She didn't judge.) their attempts to recover from it were particularly funny.

Though she had to wonder what consisted of good literature in a world of mercenaries. Perhaps it was something like the muggle literature her friend had given her. Lolita and the Hannibal Lecter series were very interesting as well as tremendously disturbing.

She leaned toward him from across the counter. "I still have problems reading kanji. What's the book called?"

Another awkward response with a noticibly lower volume.

"That sounds like a cheesy romance novel or porn." she quipped "If that's the book you dropped on Shisui I can understand his reaction."

She could feel him staring at her.

"I looked through it actually." She shrugged "I didn't really understand a lot of the characters. But the fact that it has no pictures automatically makes it classier then wizard porn."

She mentally sniggered when the man actually lost his grip on the ceiling and crashed into a shelf of charmed shirt prints (The Uchiha's will occasionally commission their clan symbol and have the image charmed to burst into flame at random intervals.)

When he doesn't move, she leaves her spot a the counter to help him up.

"Wizards have porn?" He cheeps as the woman pats the (nonexistant) dust off of him. "I thought-"

"Yes wizards have porn. Quite a good deal of it actually." She snorts at the incredulous look he gives her. Honestly, why was that so surprising. If there is a medium, it will eventually have porn, be it music, pictures, or clothes. There was a private section in the hufflepuff library filled with things like this. "The society as a whole is rather prudish regarding the subject. Naturally the forbidden nature makes it more appealing which makes more porn produced. The more porn present, the more prudish society gets. It's a cycle really."

She eyed him as she repaired the shelf in an instant. Then she gestured for him to start folding the shirts he knocked over (If he was going to loiter he had better be productive. ANBU looked creepy and it was bad for buisness).

"I'd give you examples except it wasn't a priority for packing at the time." She shrugs, completely ignoring his reactions. Good god, This village was just as filled with prudes as London wasn't it.

"Do we have to talk about this?" Asked the man.

"Well yes we do. You aren't contributing anything but you're embarrassment. Otherwise you're masked face will bring back some very nasty memories." She replied in a clipped tone. "I look silly enough as is. What do you think would happen if I snapped and transfigured you into a dog?"

The dog man folded another shirt before carefully answering her query. "Aside from being arrested? Probably excecution. So don't do that."

"Of course." She agreed. "I did say if I snapped. Seeing as you are not, in fact, a dog obviously I haven't. Now do tell me why you are here. I have a sign that says no loitering and you are breaking that rule. Either buy something, talk, or start working."

The man sighed realizing that this was going nowhere and conceded defeat. He would rather not get dragged into a discussion about porn or what ever memories his mask triggered. He dutifully began sorting all of the candies and putting them into the correct bins.

He had known about the witch shop.

He could see the shop from his apartment.

In fact, he fell out of the window when he watched it build itself (An embarrassing but common reaction to the witch's antics.) in less than an hour. The colors of the roof and awnings seemed to cycle through various colors until it settled for that rich blue-purple color.

Then he got diverted on his way home by an ear splitting summons to the demented pungent smelling shop where he and the other ANBU were greeted to the funniest altercation they had ever seen.

A girl had been standing outside with he tip of her wand lighting the area shuffling about impatiently.

She wore only a towel in the November evening with her hair dripping. He couldn't really help but stare. While he was aware that the rumor mill wasn't always accurate, they definitely got the witch wrong. She was not a grandmother with a youthful face (She looked about his age actually.) She was not hideous (Understatement of the century.) She was also not unintelligent (scatterbrained yes, but in the long run, using a shouting letter had worked out for the best.)

As far as first impressions go, standing almost naked in the cold November breeze isn't how one typically greets ANBU.

With her wand waving she had beckoned him over and demanded that he arrest everyone for attempted robbery.

The Hyuuga twin heads were in the middle pf attempting to kill some Kumo ninja. Apparently they had kidnapped the heiress in the middle of her birthday celebration. The only thing stopping them was the witches spell.

It was a tag primed to explode. The only thing that stopped it from becoming an international issue was the murderous plants.

There was a first time for everything he supposed.

Whether it be a kidnapping mistaken for a robbery or violent plants, a naked woman (do not think about it like that.), and a shouting letter stopping it.

Perhaps being browbeaten into working as a sales associate was better than discussing various kinds of porn. Anything but the porn discussion (That stuff is private. Come to think of it, his identity should be private too. How did she even know he was here?)

She was no help.

Then standard ANBU genjutsu hadn't worked at all.

It was around closing time when the boys finished harvesting the dittany.

"Remember Naruto-chan. Never ever prank this store." Insisted Shisui.

"'Cuz things'll blow up if I do. And then Mina-nee would get upset." Nodded Naruto. "We're done cleaning picking leaves Mina-nee-chan"

Blinking at the odd addition to her name she replied. "Great. I just closed the shop for the day. Ha-" The ANBU turned to stare at her. "Ok. Ok. Fine. You're stalker is here so you won't get into too much trouble if you go back to the orphanage late. Want to stay for dinner? Invitation includes the rest of you too."

Shisui regretfully had to decline and report back home.

Naruto on the other hand looked at her like she was a gift from the gods herself and tackle-hugged her to the ground.

Chapter Text

The Flying Blackbird had been closed that afternoon.

It looked like it would be closed for the rest of the week if Mina didn't figure out a solution quick.

After studying out of several thick textbooks she had decided to try her hand at ancient rune wards. She she thought she might be able to set up a one-way, floo if she could figure it out.

Somehow, in an attempt to sound proof her staircase with runes, she had managed to turn her stairway back on itself so that she, Hatake, and Shisui were now staring at themselves.

Normally in Hogwarts, this wouldn't be a problem. She would call for the professor or go to the library and find another thick textbook on disabling runes.

However, the stairs that got twisted also lead up to her room and study.

The room and study where she kept the textbooks.

She looked at herself through the door. It was such a strange thing. She waves her left hand. The person through the door way would do the same. The same synchronization, only not in reverse like a mirror. She reached through the doorway and prodded the Dogface on the other side.

She notes that her Dogface got prodded while she was doing this.

Shisui stared at the whole process with a blank expression that suggested that his brain had metaphorically turned to mush and was currently in the process of leaking out of his ears.

His counterpart had the same expression. Apparently the synchronized expressions combined with the reaction time proved to be so amusing (or mind breaking) that he soon burst into hysterical laughter.

"Shisui. Hatake. How good are you with ancient runes?" She asked, not taking her eyes away from the doorway.

"I don't know what they are." Replied the man in a slightly miffed tone. "And stop calling me by name while I'm working."

"Same here. Was anything important up the staircase?" Asked Shisui. He looked like he already knew the answer but hadn't made up his mind on what to feel about it.

"My bedroom, study, and my workshop." She replied "All of which I need to support myself." She slowly sank into a seat and began to work through her current issues. She, ignoring the presence of the other two people, began ticking off her fingers. "I can't sell the shop in good conscience. I can probably brew potions outside but someone is bound to fine me for the smell and noise. I don't have access to a good portion of my clothes of my clothes or my goggles. Until I figure out how to undo the dimensional knot, I might actually have to look into prostitution or drug running until can get back on my feet."

"Please do not do that." Inserted the ANBU. "I do not know what magi consider to be drugs but we have enough problems with out you adding to it." Then in a lower voice he added "I highly doubt you would work out in prostitution."

Mina started as if she had forgotten that she was not by herself. "I supposed you have a point. I'm not exactly the most attractive option. Hmmm.."

"That isn't what I meant." Griped Hatake. He glanced warily at the wand before changing the subject. "I'm reporting this to Hokage-sama. He might have someone who can inspect you're seal- er. Runes." Then he flickered away.

Shisui, who was glad for the change in subject (He really didn't want to think about it.) quickly added "You can stay with me and work out of my flat while this gets fixed."

"I suppose I'll have to take you up on that." She agreed after a few moments of thought. "How much should I pay you?"

Shisui waved off her question. "Nah. You don't need to pay anything. Working with you is interesting and your pretty cool. Ummm..." Then he scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He seemed to be on the verge of saying something but couldn't quite bring himself to say anything. "Could we uh... maybe go on a date sometime?" He blushed and sort of flailed as he stammered an explanation. "After the rune seal thing is uh... fixed and you move back into place."

Mina blinked in surprise then blushed.

Out of all the things she was expecting, being asked out was not one of them. "Of course." She replied. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and straightened and leaned forward slightly. "As soon as I get everything sorted out we can do something. You'd best get planning then ne?" She laughed.

Unbeknownst to the witch there was politicking going on in the Hokage tower.

It was the monthly town meeting, where chunin and jonin representatives meet with the clan heads and civilian politicians to iron out any village wide messes. Typical issues reserved for such meetings revolved around taxes, Uzumaki Naruto, and salaries, though with recent years, Oribanda Mina was also added into the mix.

Hiruzen was already grumbling about Mina in his head. She just had to go and befriend Naruto and now there is an uneven balance of power in the town.

Half the civilians in the meeting were now demanding her blood (Something ridiculous about being an infiltrator sent to destroy them). The other half were demanding she be exiled from the village.

Ibiki snickered at the suggestions. He was one of the few people who knew the origin on such rumors (The others being Genma, and Anko.)

"You should keep away from that demon *. It's bad for business."

Mina only cocks her head at the statement, puzzled over why she was getting such a warning. "Monster cat? I've never seen one of those before. Though, my transfiguration teacher could turn into a cat."

"The little demon is dangerous!"

The shinobi in the store then watched as she pulled out a large furry tome (Was it growling?) and began flipping throw the pages. "Naruto, what ever he is, can't be anything dangerous. See? He can't kill people by looking at them like this one can, or by screaming like this one."

She then proceeded to go through a number of creatures with names no one could pronounce. Several other people leaned over curiously to take a gander at the book she was holding. Many of them winced as she translated the descriptions.

Ibiki made a note to tell Sandaime-sama that Mina's power came from living in a world full of creatures that were just as deadly as biju. He figured that her quirks and obliviousness were probably an adaptation to avoid being driven mad by the dangerous creatures in their society.

Though in the Jinchuriki's case it was probably a good thing the witch was such a ditz. If she had any idea what he was, she might let the fox loose to study it. That would be a disaster of epic proportions and it would not be an exaggeration that a second Kyuubi rampage might turn konoha from a major hidden village, to a minor one.

What a strange woman she was.

Anko very much wanted to try and hatch a basilisk when she learned the process but was shut down by both the hokage and Ibiki. Neither of which wanted to know what she would do with a toxic snake.

It was very unlikely that she would actually be run out of town.

Shinobi work was hard and people never left the profession unscarred. Her dreamless sleep agents were amongst her best sellers. She also had some sort of developing solution that allowed the pictures to move like they were a frozen moment rather then just an image (Very popular for weddings and other ceremonies). Ibiki could think of several ninja families who used those mage beans to get their children in the habit of checking their food before they ate (Idate got a vomit flavored one when he forgot to check. Serves him right.)

She also provided knowledge of places beyond the elemental nations. Every single one of her books was worth more than their weight in gold. They were the only semisentient books in the elemental nation.

It was interesting how Mina had surrounded herself with very powerful allies despite rarely leaving her shop. First, Inoichi and the Yamanaka clan by extension. Then Ibiki (Veritaserum caused too much general mayhem. But it was invaluable to interrogations.) then the Hyuuga clan, now Uzumaki Naruto. If both his interrogation specialists hadn't confirmed her to be scatterbrained he would be feeling rather threatened by her growing support base. (Both however confirmed that she had personal demons that she had guarded fiercely in her mind.)

Civilian nobles seemed to realize this too and began inquiring whether or not the shinobi in the room had been brain washed.

If it's one thing most ninja will take offense to it's their mental functions being called into question.

Hiruzen promptly put an end to that conversation, saying that he had something in mind regarding the subject, and ended the meeting before some ninja took offense (Too late.) and things became uncivilized.

Inoichi was the last to leave the room. As he passed Hiruzen he muttered. "I hope you know what you are doing. Once word of what you are planning gets out, people from every clan, civilian and shinobi will be pushing forward candidates."

"I take it you will be one of them?"

The blonde merely grinned as a response.

It was official.

Naruto was in heaven.

Mina-nee and Shisui-nii were the best people ever. The dog face guy that sometimes followed him around was alright too. Nee-chan keeps trying to embarrass him when ever he comes into the black bird. He never says anything unless it was to Shisui-nii or Mina-nee. He hopes that Dogface isn't like the others.

(Because while it hurts, Nee-chan and Nii-chan are there and it doesn't matter anymore.)

Naruto figures its because he's not really supposed to let people see him but he doesn't want to get hexed by nee-chan. She hates when people hang around the shop and don't buy things (except she calls it loitering). The other creepy masked guys are like that too but it doesn't stop nee-chan from embarassing them when ever they follow him into the shop. So now they all sit and watch him from outside which is even creepier.

Except for Dogface. He always comes in and mops the floor (Or what ever else needs doing.)

They showed him how to do all sorts of cool things like pulling coins out of people's ears (Nee-chan couldn't teach him the magic she used but she knew muggle magic.), making pop tags (Maybe Dogface wasn't so bad after all.), and trapping his own food (Shisui-nii said to practice traps by pranking people).

Naruto couldn't wait to get started.

He didn't have to go digging through the dumpster for food anymore (Mostly) since he always went there for tea. He'd stay for dinner, but the food always smelled weird (cabbages are gross!). Plus he liked ramen more then they did.

He can't stay in the cool magic store the whole day because Mina-nee is really poor and can't afford for people to not come in.

He didn't normally eat vegetables (They tasted funny and made his mouth itch), but they were okay for tea time. Plus, tea time just wasn't the same with out those little sandwiches.

No one else really knows what tea time was though, they kept telling him that it was stupid.

Except for this really quiet girl he met the other day when he was trying to use Nee-chan's flying broom.

He had gotten bored of using his toy broom (That dog face and Shisui-nii had bought for him. ) It was fun, but it only went a few feet off the ground. He knew that Konoha looked really cool from really high up so he figured that the one Mina-nee used would be able to go really really high.

Well it certainly did.

He shot up so high and fast that he left a hole in the shop wall.

He was going to be in so much trouble when he got back but first he had to figure out how to get down (Was that a cloud?)

He saw her pitch forward once to dive so he tried that.

He guessed she must've booby trapped the broom because he went from flying up to diving down faster then he could say ramen.

On the way down (Way way too fast. His face hurts and his ears felt like they were being ripped off.) he saw a bunch of kids beating up someone.

He figured that if he was going to crash and get hurt he might as well a bunch of meanies with him. ('Cuz nee-chan says stuff like that a lot.)

So he crashed into the bullies and broke his legs (He didn't know about the boys, but he'd had worse when Nee-chan's bouncing plants tried to squash him.)

He was about to ask the girl is she was alright when Dogface showed up, yelled at him for leaving a hole in the shop ("What were you thinking?! You could've died! You could've killed someone! You could've broken Mina's Favorite broom!"), and dragged him (and the boys) away to the hospital before he could say anything else.

He found her again in the same park months later. The girl took one look at him and turned beet red and stuttering her thanks and apologizing for getting him into trouble.

"Oh. You're welcome. Don't worry about me getting into trouble. Nii-chan and Nee-chan get in trouble all the time." He shuffled awkwardly. Not knowing what else to say "Uhhh. I got some cake and sandwiches. Wanna have tea together?"

Hinata sort of blinked in surprise and agreed.

Normally he would've taken the girl (She said her name was Hinata.) for tea time at the shop.

He couldn't do it today though, Dogface said that Nee-chan did something really dumb and kicked him out.

AN:/

HOLY CRAP 2000 VIEWS! I DID NOT EXPECT THAT AT ALL! I THANK THEE ALL FOR THY PATRONAGE!

* Mina misheard Bakemono for Bakeneko. The former is monster, the latter is demon cat.

I got inspired when I read the HP fic The Family Clock by Jan. McNeville. Mina isn't necessarily based off of Jessie Tickes but She is what inspired me to make this fic. Mina's propensity for causing changes and havoc was inspired by Yukimura Hisana from Walk Two Lives by coolio101

There is no quicker way to lose your home then through debt, fines, and taxes. Take a guess where the funds were going.

Reviews are love and they give me direction. Please continue posting them.

Chapter Text

Mina had seen plenty of things.

She was a witch. She worked with odd things all the time.

She had plants that killed when they screamed, cabbages that were the bane of shoes everywhere, and a stairway that led back into the room it left.

Ignoring the man that had spied on her when she went to the public baths (Her washroom also on the other side of the stairs and she was too embarrrassed to ask to use Shisui's even after a month of living with him.) she stared at the toad on his shoulder laughing at his misfortune as the man clutched his eyes. The conjunctivitis curse was a marvelous spell. "HAHAHAHA! That was an excellent shot!"

She had never seen a talking toad before.

She waved her wand for the animagus revealing charm, only for nothing to happen. How odd, she had never gotten THAT spell wrong before (she practiced on the Marauders once she discovered their secret.) One of her friends (possible fiance actually, his family owned Quality Quidditch Supplies), Riddley Wolfe, used to play a great many practical jokes by disguising himself as a large piece of furniture and jumping out at people.

"Now Now. No need for that." chuckled the toad. It was an abnormally large thing, with great, bulging, yellow eyes and black sclerae. He had eyebrows and a goatee, something Mina was sure toads weren't supposed to have. "Good heavens it's been a while since I've seen a magus."

Her confusion must've shown on her face because the toad keeps talking. "Not from here I take it?"

"No?" She replies curiously.

"Which school then? You don't sound like you went to Mahoutokoro."

"Hogwarts sir." She replied, defaulting to the much more polite tone of a student addressing a professor.

"Hmmm. Good school that one. Tough to get to." The toad murmured as he motioned for her to fix the man's eyes. "Jiraiya-chan here is a bit stupid, you'll have to forgive him for that."

"Really?" Mina raised her eyebrow at what he said. "I do not know the customs here, but where I come from the female is allowed to retaliate against sexual harassment providing it is proportionate to the action."

"Really now. Here it is usually a man who fights for his lady's honor." Croaked the frog. "Though your idea may be better for keeping fights of honor down."

Mina stares at the toad suspiciously. Perhaps it was part goblin? There were plenty of odd mixes.

She sank back into the hot water. Public baths were rather frowned upon in wizard society mostly for being unhygienic. She read in a book once about how the high bathing temperatures weren't hot enough to kill most of the germs. If Mina had a cauldron large enough to sit in she would've used that.

Plus it was really weird being the public baths alone after the pervert had scared away.

"Now Young lady, are you the one that has a torqued dimension in your stairway?" Inquired the toad.

"I am."

"When you are done bathing, I can inspect your stairs." Chuckled the old toad. "But only if you lift the curse on my summoner's eyes."

"Agreed Mr. Toad"

"Fukasaku."

"Agreed. Fukasaku-san"

Later as she watch the toad inspect her doorway she wondered if this was what she was expecting when she told her grandfather that she wanted to expand the market and start a shop somewhere else. She still wasn't sure what kind of people lived in this town, only that their magic was different and she couldn't decipher any of the spells or jutsus as they called it.

Mina liked her job at her grandfather's shop. She wasn't on the same level as her older sister (Deep breaths, don't think about it.) who would've taken the shop from grandfather had she lived (Red lights. Flames. Tears.), but she could fashion a workable wand. She made a number of sickles in school by offering to embellish wand handles (She didn't trust herself to alter the shaft.) with various jewels and metals or adding security runes like the one on her own wand.

She knew how to work one rune into a charm or a ward. Anything longer then that failed to do anything and anything other then a security ward left her brains leaking out of her ears. The stairway was probably the first instance of her folding the dimensions in on itself.

"What exactly were you trying to do with these runes?" Asked Fukasaku after spending an hour inspecting the runes.

"Sound proof my stairs. I read that it would last longer then a silencing charm."

"I see. How do you fix it?"

Jiraiya watched the proceedings with a great deal of interest.

He was a seal master.

His protegee crafted the seal that contained the kyuubi within his godson.

He had never seen anything like the stairway in his life. Which was probably a good thing as it gave him a huge headache trying to comprehend how the doorway could possibly lead back into itself. It was almost as disturbing as the time some Iwa nin stripped Orochimaru buck naked in the middle of the battle field.

It was disturbing then and it was disturbing now, in a laugh until you choke kind of manner.

He didn't even know that sealing via carving was possible outside of the Uzumaki clan.

Then again, it was clearly from a different source. There were no kanji lining the doorway. Instead there were a great many shapes, not carved out of lines either but whole flat shapes were scraped out of the wood and linked together with a single groove.

A different method of sealing then what he was taught.

It seemed that Pa Toad knew about those seals too and was giving the girl a quick lesson on the proper grammar and useage.

This must be the girl from the rumors he was hearing about. He had been in Water country when word of a motion controlling kekkei genkai appeared in Konoha. Then the word of a store runned by demons popped up he had to come and take a look.

It would've been nice if Sensei just told him who she was instead of slamming his head into the desk but this worked too.

Even if it did end with his eyes getting cursed by the witch.

Witch.

Witches were only supposed to exist in stories. Why was there one here? Sensei would've known about

How did Pa Toad know about them?

He can't help but feel as if this was the beginning of something big, something bigger then Konoha.

There was no surprise in the toads face when the girl used her magic (Witches called their powers magic right?) which means he either knew about this or was expecting it.

The Uchiha in the room was also listening to the seal lecture with interest, though he took a great deal of care to not look at the stairway. From the way he stood in proximity to the witch he could assume that they had known each other for a good deal of time. Sensei had mentioned that his godson came to the store very often (which is probably where the demon rumor came from) and that the Uchiha worked there as punishment for robbery.

Of course the Uchiha would be interested in the power that no one else could use. He doubted they could copy with spells with the sharingan but it wouldn't stop them from trying.

Wait.

Robbery?

Didn't sensei also mention something like that during the Konoha-Kumo conference? What the hell?

The recent edition of several bingo books mentioned Konoha's Puppeteer Witch.

They were linked weren't they. Along with the lightning incident that caused Uchiha Shisui to become her part time worker.

Oh God.

Sensei must've encouraged the spread of the more outrageous rumors to make leaf both powerful and mad at the same time. You can't make up stuff like that. Anyone who dismisses the outlandish rumors from leaf will get a nasty shock if Kumo's Purple Monstrosity is any indication.

He couldn't help it. He began laughing (Partly out of mirth and partly out of shock).

Dear god, a half grown witch (Still young and innocent. Mostly.) has managed to thwart a plot to kidnap the Hyuuga princess (Konoha made a pretty penny pressing charges on her behalf), befriended his godson (he should check up on him), Given Inoichi a headache, and tweaked the nose of the old warhawk. This girl was going places.

It took them well into the night to undo the mess of the stairway.

Turns out that she used the wrong runes and the array she had used was more suited for things like anchoring a floo

By then a thunderstorm had blown in and water was coming down as if it was being poured from buckets.

Mina spent a good bit of time flittering about making sure that her plants wouldn't drown, that she had enough food to feed her guests,

Fukasaku had long been dismissed after an very interesting discussion regarding runes and seals and the differences between them.

While they were both power manipulated by words there were some very obvious differences between them.

For one thing the medium for seals was a brush, ink, and paper. It drew its power from a person's chakra which was affected by their mental state, their physical state and how they thought. It was also finite. It would run out and the person would die when that happened. This was rather difficult for Mina to wrap her head around the idea that someone could die if they did too much spell casting. That never happened with wizards.

The main boon of sealing was its versatility. It could be used for a variety of things as there was no required order for the kanji to be written except that they had to all be spaced equally apart. Otherwise the unfortunate seal master may end up a few fingers short. The art required many many years of study in order for someone to be able to pull it off correctly and even longer for them to be able to omit parts of their stationary. Once the seal was set it had to be picked apart by erasing or altering the kanji in strategic places so that nothing exploded and released the stored power within.

For Runes the medium was what ever surface was available with whatever carving implement was available. The arrays were limited to wards (amulets that repel creatures), various barriers (the hogwarts express gateway), and effects (old swords have runes to keep them from dulling). It drew its power from the world around the area and as such, did not need to be tended to once it was set up. Runes also had many different rules for each of the different purposes and thus were only suited for magi of high intelligence. The level of calculations that went into setting up simple rune wards with mutiple sygils made seal type barriers look like children's exercises. Many runes had similar appearances and pronunciations (Mina continuously snickered at the failed attempts to pronounce the runes.) similar to horse vocalizations (To the elemental natives anyway).

While not as volatile as chakra seals, rune wards and spells were just as disastrous when mistakes were involved. Rather then blowing up the carver it would result in space dimention shifts, accidental summonings of dangerous creatures (The kyuubi in the forbidden forest was likely a result of such), permenantly scrambled minds, and inconsistent time flow. The reason for the lack of explosive power is that the runes, once linked by a series of strategically placed lines charged by the wizard, drew magic from the area around them. If necessary (when the area is unstable) some of the lines could be replaced with wizards, witches, or magical artifacts.

Jiraiya nearly fell out of his seat when Mina explained that magi were born with the ability to manipulate the forces beyond normal perception rather then with excess energy from within. She described it as similar to smoke in a room that could be directed with a fan.

"Nature chakra? You manipulate nature chakra?"

Her eyebrow quirked in confusion. "No? I do not know what that is."

"It's basically what you are describing." Then he elaborated on how it was all around them and caused strange things when it was not properly controlled, like turning the poor person into a statue.

Mina shook her head and denied the similarity. "Can't be right. Chakra is painful for me. Just like Magic is painful or unpleasant for the majority of ninja." Then she explained that the only person in the village who currently had a wand was Ebisu.

"Yeesh talk about a mind screw." Lamented Jiraiya with false agitation. It was more out of joking curiosity then anything else.

"Pah. Chakra is a bigger head ache then magic. How can you run out of something and die? Why would you use something like that? It's like fighting with blood. You moronic or something?"

"You mentioned that the witches only limit is their focus right? The more complex the more mentally taxing?"

"I suppose so. It's hard to explain." She shrugged.

It was then the door bell sounded.

The sign above the shop entrance read '(Entrance) Uzumaki Naruto'. He must've just arrived outside.

"It's very late at night." Clucked Mina as she went to let him in. "He should be in bed at the orphanage. Not out in the rain"

Jiraiya nodded and made himself scarce as he watched his godson. The boy looked so much like his father it hurt to look at him. Besides, he can come back later to pick at the witche's brain for information on runes and his godson. It looked like she would be a more reliable source of information then Sensei. Since Pa Toad knew a thing or two about runes. Perhaps she could consent to getting lessons in exchange for delivering progress reports?

"Naruto is something the matter? Your supposed to be asleep." She asked.

The boy merely shuffled looking both relieved and uncomfortable at the same time. He looked as if he had been crying for some time. "Can I stay the night nee-chan?"

"Ah... sure. Give me sometime to conjure a bed in my room and rearrange a few things. I don't want you to go to the bathroom and get thrown out the window by a charmed towel or something." She hurried off to clean up her living space after drying him and giving him a cup of warm apple cider.

Naruto simply stared into his mug as tears slowly slid down his cheeks. He quickly wiped the away before anyone else could see them.

Crying was for wimps but sniffling as alright.

He might not have a home anymore, but at least he had Mina-nee.

AN:/

Ancient runes is to sealing what cuneiform and latin are to the english language.

She still isn't perfect at speaking japanese and tends of omit words when she is agitated.

Eeirany: I don't feel like disclosing the answer to your first question right now. You will get your answers though. As for the second set of questions. It's neither actually. She has never taken an ancient runes class in her life and she never knew how bad a mistake could get until she was staring at herself in the stairway. At which point she knew she was out of her league and needed outside help. Plus sealing and runes were so different that it was a head ache for jsut about everyone involved.

Raven Blanchard: I live to surprise. Hopefully in a good way.

PappyOldGuy: I'm glad I have lived up to your expectations.

Lurking Pheonix: The thing regarding the ages is meant to be a joke in the future. But suffice to say that there is an age gap that is a potential show stopper.

I sincerely thank thee for thy patronage. ^_^

Reviews are love and questions help me think. *Hint* *Hint* X3

Chapter Text

"Sensei I want an explanation!" Jiraiya slammed his hands on the desk, killing intent radiating from him like heat from a fire. He had returned to the Flying Blackbird the next evening and to find the the standard shopping smile replaced by a much more creepy one. "Tell me why my godson has spent the last month living in the RED LIGHT DISTRICT!"

Hiruzen who had been stoic up until that moment widened his eyes in shock. "Jiraiya. I was not aware of this until you told me. What happened to the orphanage he was staying in?!"

"NOT AWARE?! HOW COULD YOU NOT BE AWARE OF NARUTO'S LIVING CONDITIONS!" Seethed the sanin. The he forced himself to calm down before speaking again. "Minato's son was kicked out a while ago. From what I can gather his guard was reduced when Uchiha Shisui and ANBU Dog began teaching him some basic Ninja skills. After he was kicked out he lived in the red light district for a while until some drunks found where he was sleeping and tried to kill him!"

The office became completely silent save for the sound of a tobacco pipe cracking under the Professor's grip. Hatake Kakashi would've never allowed such a thing but he was out on a mission. No doubt he would be in the office shouting at him when he returned from Kiri." I'll take care of it Jiraiya. Where is he now?"

"He's living with the witch in her shop." He relaxes a little as he remembers watching the witch comfort Naruto. At least he had a place to go to, even if it was temporary. Then he frowns again as he remembers the all the red marks in her bills and forms. "Thats another thing actually. Did you know how poor she was? Half the food she had was from jars and trades with the other clans. The other half was cheap dog food!"

The hokage blinked in shock. That was another surprise. Her store was very popular amongst the shinobi even if the prices were higher then they used to be. "I am aware that her products are very costly to produce in large amounts. She should not be poor enough to resort to eating dog food." He frowned. "I know you. Do you have any of her bills?"

Jiraiya huffs as if slightly put out. "Who do you think I am Sensei. I'll do you one better." He pulled out a file out of his robes. "I got three months of financial reports, handwritten by the lady herself." Witch or not, Jiraiya was a spymaster and acquiring information was his forte. Even if the wards that guarded it made his head spin.

The contents of those files would've been funny if the situation wasn't so dire. The Flying Blackbird and its proprietress had been tacked with a jinchuuriki tax as of several months ago, a clan tax several years ago, several noise pollution fines, a 30% property tax as of one year ago, and fined with revealing ANBU Identities.

After running through the section regarding her tax returns and conferring with the notes in the archives Jiraiya turns to his superior. "I'll start with the big one first. What's with all the taxes?"

Hiruzen frowns as he continues to sift through documents. He wouldn't normally set aside his standard pile of paperwork to deal with the financial problems of a civilian, but some of the problems that his student had pointed out could prove disastrous.

When did a jinchuuriki tax exist? To his knowledge none of Naruto's predecessors had any sort of tax.

Why wasn't he aware of Naruto's standard of life? Hatake handed in very detailed reports about the boy (and the shop keeper though he didn't seem to notice it.) but he had been sent on a string of missions outside Konoha. Who was sending him Uzumaki's reports?

There was no crime in discovering the identity behind ANBU masks only a hazard. (He wanted to commission her for a version of that identifying spell. It was a good last ditch defense against spies.)

Money was lost during transit between the administrative building and Oribanda Mina. The people who were victims of the tax fraud from several months ago still hadn't received their return.

Oribanda may be a clan from beyond the elemental countries but that means very little in the village. She should only be taxed once she is married.

He will concede that the noise pollution was a crock of shit. He had watched the witch set up the sound muffling charms herself and the shop was always quiet until you went into the back yard. Even then, the plants only grumbled, not screamed and roared like the fines dictated.

How many other families were like this?

He was fairly certain that the witch would sooner leave Konoha and set up her own village before she allowed herself to be taken as a ward. If she realizes that she was getting cheated (judging by the marks in the more recent pages she probably is.) she may leave and take Naruto with him.

He is the god of Shinobi.

He has a whole force of ninjas at his command. His ANBU jonin are some of the best in the elemental nations. Three of the clans in the village specialized in tracking. He was fairly certain that if he were to meet the witch in combat he could best her even if she used her magic. No one would be able to come out of that unscathed if Inoichi's report was accurate.

But if the Witch decided to leave He doubted any of them had the means to track someone who could teleport. It was that same skill that made his successor so feared.

Naruto would be safe from those that would do them harm. He was sure of that. Oribanda Mina was a civilian true, but she had killed before and she had good reflexes that the Jonin commander had vouched for.

He would prefer if his surrogate grandson were to stay in the village though. Plus Danzo was heavily invested in that witch (even when he had told him to back off) So the question was where was all of her money going?

Nee-chan's room was kind of a mess.

Well not really. It was just small and full of stuff. It turns out that the entire living space is above the store rather then just behind the store front like he had thought. While the rooms were big there was so much stuff packed into each room that there wasn't much free space at all. The bed was actually part of a series of shelves which were loaded with books. Her desk was covered with various papers and potions recipes (Shisui-nii showed him how to make a boil remover so he knows a potions recipe when he sees one).

The carpet on the floor was floating a few inches off the ground and had a pillow and blanket piled on top of it. He figured that he would be sleeping on a flying carpet which would be pretty cool.

The walls were all full of various portraits. Each of them were chattering and arguing with each other or drinking out of things in the background. One of them was a small painting of an austere elderly woman who was peering at him curiously through a pair of cat's eye glasses.

Moving portraits.

Wow. Nee-chan was awesome. She could make moving drawings!

"Naruto these are portraits of some of my dead family members." Her voiced sounded different when she said that. He's not sure why and he wants to know but Shisui-nii said that Nee-chan didn't like to talk about her past. It made her homesick.

Wait.

She said dead family members.

Did that mean that all these paintings had ghosts in them? THAT'S CREEPY-TTEBAYO!

He must've said it out loud because Mina-nee added "They are not ghosts. Just magical paintings. Grandma Sayuri is probably the only one you will understand unless you learn english." She points to the painting of the elderly woman who was reading a book.

The woman waves slightly to him before returning to the pages.

The room also smelled a little like old books and dog food. Maybe thats what she feeds Dogface.

The smell of everything makes him sneeze which Nee-chan takes to mean that he has caught a cold. "Naruto go take a bath! A hot one! You can take the bed and I'll take the carpet."

Thats kind of dumb since he's never been sick in his life but she doesn't believe him. He doesn't want a bath either because hot water is kind of expensive and Nee-chan is kind of poor, which is also why she should take the bed. But when he tries to protest she flicks her magic wand and forcibly throws him into the bath tub.

The water is ice cold one moment and then almost hot the next and Naruto is reminded that his Nee-chan was special.

Like really really special.

She was nice to him and always gave him food (it makes him feel guilty that he's eating fresh food when she's eating canned cat food. but she continues to insist that he needed it more), and told cool stories, and yelled at him when he was bad (Dogface too but he's been showing up less and less often in the shop.)

It's kind of like the family stories that he always heard about, where they would scold you if you were naughty.

The days were hard when people either ignored him or kicked him out of places but he had a family who would teach him stuff and acknowledged him.

Even if it was kind of weird.

Life was good.

So he sinks into the water and smiles.

'Twas the night before december, when all through the town

No civillians were stirring, a man sits with a frown

How did this happen?

He was ANBU. He didn't have emotions.

He wasn't supposed to HAVE emotions.

The string of long missions was supposed to help with that. He had been in and out of the village for weeks at a time. The time outside the Konoha was supposed to clear his head.

Yet indigo eyes and flutelike voices continue to echo in his dreams regardless of what he did.

It was one thing to get a hard on for a fictional character but it's completely inappropriate when its an actual person! Especially when its someone you interact with on a daily basis.

It would be easier deal with this if it had something to do with a mission. This sort of thing is natural right?

The memorial stone offered no answers. Not that he would've talked to them about it.

If the witch did something to him there will be hell to pay. That's something his fangirls would do and the implications of that are really disturbing.

That doesn't seem likely seeing as she didn't really care if he was in the shop or not as long as he didn't scare people away.

He groaned and flopped back onto the bed. It's not like he could really ask people about it as there wasn't anyone he trusted enough to do so. Minato-sensei was long dead and he would sooner wear a poofy pink dress before asking anyone else.

Correction.

He would sooner wear a pink poofy dress WITHOUT his mask, before talking. The bird like shopkeeper had forced him into a dress several times before when she felt his presence was scaring business away. Fortunately this was usually when Naruto and Shisui were working in the basement. He probably would've snapped and murdered the shopkeeper if he had to put up with their laughter in addition to the snickers of ninja patrons.

At least they didn't know it was him.

Plus he was kind of curious to see how Mina would feel in his arms as he-

OK, NOW THATS JUST DISTURBING!

He violently shook the thoughts from his head and resolved to purchase a horror novel the next time he visited the book store. It was late and he must've been tired to have this much trouble shutting things out of his head.

...

His next shift as Naruto's guard led him to an interesting scene.

Guard shift wasn't really the right term for it as the boy was slippery enough to escape from any unwanted pursuers. It was more like damage control for him and any shenanigans that involved the boy. Like the orphanage expelling him and the drunk that tried to kill him.

Sadly he could not deal with the angry drunk as it was too dark for Naruto to see anything that could be used to identify him.

The orphanage on the other hand had been shut down for negligence and abuse.

Since the boy lived at the shop until arrangements could be worked out Kakashi really had no reason to visit the shop anymore. But alas, old habits are rather difficult to break. Plus the casual air of the store reminded him of Sensei's home.

Naruto was in the show room sweeping the floor so he helped himself to some cleaning supplies and a silly looking apron (it had a smiley face.)

"Hey Dogface!" Greeted Naruto. "Your back! Didja beat the bad guys?"

He shrugged and smirked slightly behind his mask.

"Heh. Awesome! You should totally teach me a cool jutsu-ttebayo!"

Kakashi chuckled quietly, Naruto constantly peppered him for "cool Jutsus" although the verbal tic was new. He hopes that the boy didn't get in the habit of saying that as it would become annoying very very quickly.

It would also be a punch in the gut.

He was just like his mother from the attitude, right down to the verbal tic.

He was going to be sick.

Before he could make his escape, Mina appeared.

What he saw left him speechless (and slightly pink in the face.)

Typically Mina was reminiscent of a giant bat with her baggy robes, her cloak, and her giant goggles. It would be intimidating if the robes beneath the cloak were plain black rather than purple polka dots (Something about potion safety.)

That was not what she was wearing today.

Her jet black hair had been let down and fell to just past her shoulders with long bangs framing her face. It had smoothed it self out since her arrival to Konoha and looked less like a scrub brush.

She wore a simple white sundress with ruffles on the end that came just past her knees. It showed off her svelte figure perfectly. She had definitely filled out from the last time he saw her without a cloak (Dammit stop thinking about that.)

"Oh hello Ha-"

He cut her off with a glare. Addressing him by name when no one was around was one thing but Naruto was here too.

"Oh fine. Welcome back Dogface." She greeted him. Then she turned to Naruto "You ate right?"

Naruto who had also been rendered speechless. "Whoa! Nee-chan you're actually really pretty-ttebayo!"

"That doesn't answer my question." Mina paused at the implications of what he said and demanded. "Why are you so surprised? Did you think I was ugly?"

"NO! No! Not at all it's just shocking thats all!" The boy flailed about for a few moments before changing the subject "Uhhh... Why are you dressed up? Isn't it time to open the shop?"

"Eh? No. I take saturdays off to clean and sort everything." She adjusted her clothes one more time. "Can you two take over for the day? I have a date."

Just like that the people with the Y chromosome had the rug pulled out from under them.

"D-Date?" Choked Kakashi before he could stop himself. "Who would want to go on a date with you? " The witch who enjoyed needling her customers, who frequently threatened and warned her patrons, who liked discussing uncomfortable topics, had someone ask her out for a date? Who asked her? When did THAT happen?

Why did she say yes?

Of course right after he spoke he realized his mistake.

Mina glared at him with the force of twenty owls. "Oy Dogface. I know I'm not much of a lady." She gave her wand a quick flick and he felt something growing from the top of his head. "For that you are definitely going to scrub the cauldrons. I want them all clean when I get back. Got it ?" Then she left and slammed the door on her way out.

The boys shared a moment of silence before Naruto sulked into the floor. "I can't believe she went out on a date and left us with all the work."

Kakashi shifted awkwardly but said nothing. He took a few moments to collect himself before speaking. "Want to spy on her date?" It wasn't something he would normally do as it seemed kind of disrespectful.

It was something Obito would do in conjunction with running his mouth like he did moments ago.

He would probably think that he deserved having antlers sprouting from his forehead.

Naruto began looking really excited before slumping again. "Nah. Got to clean everything-ttebayo." He grumbled.

Kakashi shrugged and ran through a series of hand signs.

Two more copies of him, silly apron and antlers included, burst into existence and began cleaning. Naruto stared at the shadow clones in wonder before giggling at how silly they looked.

"OKAY! Now lets go see who Nee-chan's date is-ttebayo!" The boy shouted as he bolted out the door.

Kakashi hurried after him before Mina noticed her follower. Five year old boys are hardly subtle and he didn't want to know what would happen if they got caught.

AN:  Still have trouble writing dialogue. Still have problems writing Kakashi's pov though its getting better.

In my experience, it's a lot harder to control your flow of thoughts late at night. Something about your inhibitors being down. Under his stoic anbu mask i can definitely see him flipping out when he isn't being numb about everything. Nobody can be really numb about everything all of the time. At least I don't think so.

It's getting easier writing Naruto since i just have to think of a puppy from an abused home.

Mina is wearing the same dress as Meiko Honma from Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day.

Multipule-Characters1-Acct: I'm still trying to figure that out myself.

To the ever mysterious guest: I'm in the midst of planning of Shisui's interactions. I must admit that I did put Kakashi on the back burner since i wasn't quite sure how to go about it. Hopefully this makes up for it.

Raven Blanchard: Fukasaku was a victim of accidental rune summoning. When he was a polywog a student in mahoutokoro experimented with some runes and summoned him on a beach. He spent a few years in japan before the same student got enough experience to properly send him back to Mt. Myoboku

Ultimate Alternate Universe: Danzo is very possessive. He wants the rarest treasure as close to him as possible. Even if he can't quite get it yet.

HOLY COW 4400 VIEWS! I THANK THEE FOR THY PATRONAGE!

Reviews are love and they help me think.

Chapter Text

Shisui shifted nervously as he waited by the Hokage tower.

Mina didn't leave her home often except to buy groceries. Something that was happening less and less with the recent tax hike. She didn't actually know much about the village despite living here for years.

Shisui didn't have to be ANBU to know that someone was planning something. He immediately discounted the civilians because they were kind of idiots. Jinchuriki or not, if they would knowingly mistreat someone bearing the last name of the Shodaime's wife then they obviously couldn't be trusted to be professional about it.

Plus Oribanda was the only known witch in the elemental nations. Driving her out of the village with hostilities would be stupidity worthy of execution.

She was the only witch known in the elemental countries so it was unlikely they were trying to kick her out.

Which meant that someone wanted her to be in debt.

The date had multiple purposes. The first was to try and get to know his employer on a more personal level. He had been working for the girl for a year and a half now. Despite that he still didn't know much about her. The only non-store related things that came out of her mouth were wood jokes to fluster people with and made up stories to comfort Naruto. Shisui knew that Mina was a nice person. She was cheerful and eccentric and got along with a lot of ninja clans. The pranks she talked about made his head spin and the two of them had even plotted one out when they were scrubbing the cauldrons.

He ended up giving the plans to Naruto to pull off.

The second was to narrow down the list of possible suspects. He knew that the best way to control someone was to isolate them or use blackmail. Mina seemed to know this too so there was nothing to use as blackmail. He also remembers the ROOT nin that showed up in her private chambers.

Mina was perfectly fine with people using ninja methods to enter her shop. However, they were all warned that the consequences of invading her privacy were unpleasant and without mercy. Despite that someone had decided to make a grab for her wand crafting notes.

Her WAND crafting notes! Her family craft!

Mina had always been immensely protective of her secrets but to try and steal a part of her heritage?

What. An. Idiot.

The poor sap had his arm jinxed off before she dragged him to the Military Police. She wouldn't give it back until the Hokage demanded it either. He actually had to take a moving arm down the street to the Hokage tower since Dogface wouldn't go anywhere near it. It kept trying to strangle him!

Shisui bet the medics had a field day with that one.

The third was to hopefully get the elders off his back. There had been more and more pressure for him to use his mangekyo on Mina. He really didn't want to do that. She was his friend and while he wouldn't mind being closer it wouldn't mean anything if it was because of his eye. Plus he wasn't sure if it would actually work on her since he heard that she doesn't have chakra.

Mina was slow to anger but no one wanted to be around when she lost it. He had been around her long enough to know that she could break someone faster then Anko and Ibiki combined.

"Hello Shisui. Sorry I'm late" Chirped his date as she came up to him. "I had to teach a dog some manners."

His eyes widened when he took in what she was wearing. He had gotten used to seeing her in giant baggy robes and thick goggles that the sight of her in regular clothing completely threw him for a loop. He already knew that she had a pretty face but this was nuts!

"A-Ah don't worry about it." he waved off. "You look really nice out of the potion robes."

"Thank you." She curtsied. "What are we doing today?"

"Well. I thought you might want to eat something that was more local." Asked Shisui. "How do you feel about sushi?"

It seemed that the date was meant to go wrong from the get go.

The two Blackbird staff were about half way through lunch when one of the waitresses tripped and covered them in food.

It was a good thing that Mina had brought her wand with her. She pulled it out of a purse and vanished the mess. Unfortunately the soy sauce would probably leave a stain and she would have to dye the dress black later. Still the food and conversation was good, even if political philosophy wasn't her usually choice of debate.

"I am still considered an outsider in these parts so take what i say with a grain of salt. I do not believe that prejudice could be solved by changing the ruling party. If anything, a hostile takeover would inspire fear, which is not the same as respect." Mina insisted. Her employee seemed to be under the impression that she was not well informed. She had no intentions of correcting this mistake as it gave her a more unbiased information. "Depending on the nature of the take over it would just result in copious amounts of bloodshed and bitterness. Like what happened with the kyuubi."

It's very easy for people to forget that she is rarely the only one working in the store since she has her indentured servants working out of sight weeding or cleaning. This was mostly to protect the privacy but it also meant that people in her shop were often happy to gossip about everything.

She suspects things would be very different if Shisui worked where her customers could actually see him. The Uchihas were some sort royalty here and it would be scandalous to see a prodigy scrubbing dangerous cauldrons.

"I don't really think the situation is the same."

"Maybe not but the result probably will be. It's been the result of more then one war in the history of magic." At least this was something both wizard wars shared. Prejudice, followed by violence, followed by more prejudice and suspicion, followed by a strange decision that makes everything alright or just more violence.

Wizards are idiots.

Apparently Ninja are too.

Mina was fairly certain that if witches ran everything then- CRASH!

Her thoughts were interrupted by the realization that she had ice running down the back of her dress. This was the second accident, from the same waitress no less. "Oh My Gosh! I am SOOO sorry for interrupting your date Shisui-kun." Gasped the waitress.

It seems someone had a fan club.

Well, either that or political philosophy was pissing people off. In retrospect, she probably should've casted Muffliato before speaking but that might've made the problem worse as it highlights that there was something worth hiding. Shinobi were more curious then cats on a sunny day.

Then it happened again when their dessert ended up having so much salt it was nearly inedible. Her date had been the first to bite into the cake. "Shisui. I really hope that you didn't do that on purpose." She sighed as she pulled out a napkin to wipe the spit up food from the table and his own clothes. "I'm not entirely sure what this is but is it supposed to be this salty?"

"Ah! My greatest apologies Majo-san. Someone has mislabeled the sugar and the salt!" Apologized a waiter. "Here. Let me get you another one you can take to go." Then the man dashed off leaving a very embarrassed shinobi and a bemused witch.

"I am so sorry! The service here isn't usually this bad." Coughed Shisui as he ignored everyone else and helped her clean herself up for the third time. "Are you alright?"

"No need to worry. It's not your fault." She assures him.

Mina was aware that the Uchiha are considered highly attractive. Hence the fan club.

Well, Mina did spend a good chunk of her time surrounded by teenagers. She could recognize date sabotages when she saw them. She wonders if her potions tutor ever had to deal with this sort of thing. He had been competing with the marauders for a girl after all.

"Hey Shisui. I think our waitress is having a bad day. Maybe we should go somewhere else?" She asked while gesturing to the other girls.

"Yeah."

...

The two of them strolled leisurely through a forest. It was early afternoon now and neither one of them had any doubts that people were watching them. It was the witch and an Uchiha after all.

Mina decided that if people didn't have the presence of mind to ignore a date then they should make their observations as difficult as possible. Shisui had agreed heartily and in the spirit of the prank suggested an out of the way training grounds which had a rather nice view and was very difficult to navigate if one wasn't using the path.

The conversation wasn't quite so heavy as the one in restaurant.

Shisui had been completely red regarding his fan club but had been highly horrified with some of the more outlandish fan clubs from Hogwarts. "Love potions? Wand theft? Mistletoe? This was allowed?"

Likewise he began talking about some of the pranks he had pulled on his family. "This is the cousin that breathed fire when he was four right? How did he look with pink hair?"

Of course this turned into a debate regarding what defines a prodigy

" No. I don't think its a good thing. That much pressure could drive someone mad. "

a genius

" A genius stands out amongst their peers. Not much room for making mistakes you know. "

and a savant

" The world definitely needs more bookworms like my Ravenclaw friends. "

The conversation then turned to various mascots and color schemes.

"The Ravenclaws have a terrible color combination. Blue and Bronze? Really?"

"A paper fan as a symbol? It looks like a target. Why would you want to wear something that bright? Why is your clan named after an object?"

"Didn't you say that your name meant he who uses an olive stick? You can't exactly talk."

"That isn't really worth discussing." Shrugged Mina who pointedly ignored the indignant huff from trees. "Both of us are from upperclass families with house names that have poor meanings."

"I'll have you know the uchiwa fan is excellent for fanning flames." Pointed Shisui. "Olive oil is a very popular product in many different things."

"Point to you. But paper fans are fragile. The act of fanning flames could also be interpreted as fanning the flames of conflict. The broken pieces can't be used as anything other then fuel either." Then the witch began picking apart her own name. "Olive wood isn't good for anything that isn't used to render judgement as it other wise lacks the initiative to do much. Which to my house renders it pretty much useless."

"Careful boss. Them's fighting words. People will kill you for things like that." They were in public, outside of the shop silencing wards, people will hear.

"Ah really?. I apologize for the insult then." Mina raised an eye brow at that. "Also kill? Over an insult? Really? That's something straight out of the wizarding war."

"We are shinobi. Not wizards. We have different values. It's kind of hard to explain." Then the boy began explaining the will of the fire as best as he could. The belief that had been passed down from the Shodaime to each succeeding generation. It was the philosophy that defined Konoha and made it strong.

"Hmm. I think I get it. The burning passion to protect your loved ones with all of your strength with others who feel the same." She clarified. "Including kiling?"

"Yeah. Killing is a duty. Not a pleasure." He noticed the unimpressed look on her face. "Ok. What is it? You always get that look when you don't like the implications of something."

"Well, Fire is a force of destruction, it needs fuel to keep burning. Especially large blazes. It stands to reason that people who do not carry the will of fire would be fed to it right? Thats what happened to the White Fang isn't it? Those that are not fit to be the carrier are turned into the fuel?" She highly doubted that the flame analogy was chosen by accident seeing as the first Hokage had been lauded as something of a genius. Then again Shinobi thought differently then wizards.

Fire was warmth and light. It was also pain and destruction. What it burns will affect the fire itself. Somethings will flare in the flames while others will pop. If the history books were accurate The White Fang was considered a hero until he failed a mission and chose to save his team rather then finish the job. There was no other explanation for the start of a war being blamed on someone acting along the lines of Konoha's preachings other then the failure taking him out of the carrier and into the fuel category.

"Yeesh. So cynical." Shisui shook his head but did not disagree with her. "One of these days, you are going to be accused of treason for saying stuff like that."

"I still don't understand what you are talking about." Chirped Mina "I'm just playing the part of loyal opposition."

"Nevermind Mina-san." He groaned but subtly pointed out a few eavesdroppers. "So You mentioned that you were in a bunch of different clubs right? At your school?"

Mina raised an eyebrow at the change in subject but complied. She figured that he knew who was listening in on them, something her magic couldn't qiuite do when there was more then one person in the vicinity. "Yep. I was a part of the Dueling club, The quidditch team and, the muggle association."

"Maguru association?"

"Basically we'd take trips out of the wizard world to watch movies, study gadgets, and eat new food."

"Ah ok. Is the dueling club military training?"

"Not really." She thinks for several moments. "It's more of a combat club since dueling is a way to settle debts and insults. We get taught much more then offensive spells and ways to counter them. Like minor mediwizardry. I don't mean to blow my own horn, but I was one of the best." Then she gazes far into the distance with a wistful smile. "I miss duelling with my friends."

Shisui became quiet as he began to think of something. "Hey Mina-san. Wanna spar? This is a training ground after all."

It turned out that Dogface and Naruto were not the only spying on the date.

To Naruto's dismay, he and Dogface were joined by two more Uchiha who were curious about the girl Shisui-nii had asked out. The older one looked like he hadn't slept for several days judging by the bags under his eyes and the wrinkles on his face. The younger one looked like it was his age with really stupid hair. He wanted to ask if his hair was supposed to look like a pheseant's butt but then the memory of Nee-chan's wooden spoon came to mind and he kept quiet.

He knew Mina-nee was happy to go on a date but it was just weird that it was with Shisui-nii.

He watched as the food people started spoiling the date and it made him mad. He was used to people sabotaging him in civilian school (He hopes Jiji will let him go to the Academy when he sees him again.) but no one should mess with Nee-chan. Dogface had to muffle him several times when he started to shout at the people in the restaurant.

"Maa. Naruto calm down. They'll know we're watching if they hear you."

Dogface promised to help him prank the restaurant though, so that will be fun. He could help him read Shisui-nii's plans.

Then they followed them into this really cool looking training grounds. The ground was really soft and Dogface had to carry him on his shoulders to keep from sinking into the mud.

Wow, Dogface was really tall-ttebayo.

Thats not important right now.

He watched wide eyed as Mina agreed to a spar and drew her wand. Nee-chan always did cool things with her wand even if they made his head spin.

Shisui threw a kunai into the air and the sound of it hitting the ground marked the beginning of something that he will remember for the rest of his life.

" Tarantellegra! "

Shisui-nii's legs promptly started jerking like something he saw in one of the photos. Shisui looked alarmed from a moment before running through a series of hand signs. "Katon: Gokakyuu no Jutsu."

And then there was fire everywhere.

Both of his precious people moved from the spot they were standing and maneuvered themselves around the sink holes and the tree roots. Shisui couldn't control his legs enough to stand on a tree properly and Mina was in dress shoes so must of the spar took place on the ground.

Naruto knows that it would look so much cooler if Mina-nee had her broom.

" Aguamenti " Almost scalding water flows from the end of the wand and puts out the flames. It also hits the blank faced ANBU that was hiding in that area and floods the area with steam. " Serpensortia! "

Also, WAS THAT A SNAKE-TTEBAYO?!

Dogface made a funny noise when the snake started moving.

"HOLY CRAP!" Shisui, who seemed to have regained control of his legs dodged the spray of water only to get hit by a large python. It was poorly thrown but it was definitely a python of some sort. Before the snake could wrap itself around his legs he tossed the snake into the bushes where it wrapped itself around another ninja that had been snooping. "WHAT KIND OF DUELS DID YOU HAVE!"

"Normal ones!" Mina cackled in response. She looked like she was having the time of her life jumping from mud puddle to mud puddle while repelling kunai (" Repello ").

"Doton: teppodama!" He spat several mud balls which were dodged and mostly hit the trees. It would've hit Naruto too if Dogface hadn't shunshined them away.

" Avis !" A cloud of black birds puff into existence and begin flying through the area. Dogface had to draw a kunai when he got too close to one of them and it tries to rip off his ear.

"You have a summoning contract?" Asked Shisui as he began knocked away the birds with the flat side of his sword. When that didn't work he started slicing through them. The birds didn't die like the ones Naruto caught either, with a rain of blood and bones. Instead they crumbled into dust which made their noses itch.

"Don't what that means!" She panted. She was unused to this much moving around outside of her garden. Her wheezing was audible and her face had become red. " Fumos. "

A thick smoke began to fill the area. It was completely different from the smoke in Nee-chan's basement, which was funny smelling but other wise fairly light. This smoke smelled disgusting and it clung to his skin. It almost felt like the time he fell into the river when he was younger and it hurt his lungs.

He nearly falls off of Dogface when the man leans over to vomit.

Dog face moves to deposit him behind a giant stump under the smoke and he sees a familiar pair of feet. Nee-chan's shoes were kinda flimsy compared to the ones Naruto had seen on shinobi. The soles were attached to her feet by several bands rather then a whole piece. The smoke was too gross to see much more but Naruto knows that Dogface was probably sitting too.

He hears Mina-nee murmur revelio over and over again as she looks to see where Shisui-nii might be.

"Found you!" Chirped the woman as she directed several fallen branches to attack the boy.

A loud yelp confirmed that the branches hit their target. But then Naruto noticed another pair of sandaled feet pass them.

Ninja sandaled feet.

The feet jump into the smoke and- " Stupefy! Evanes-" *CRACK!* " BUGGER! " Then a torrent of very angry sounding gibberish.

Naruto couldn't understand what Nee-chan was saying but it sounded like the rude words that he always heard at construction sites and in bars. Usually they were directed at him.

He'd never heard Nee-chan say stuff like that before so it must be serious.

Usually it's Shisui-nii and himself saying things like that and Nee-chan would hit them with her spoon.

Anyways the smoke clears once a huge gust of wind blows the whole thing away, revealing another Shisui running towards Mina-nee.

The one next to Mina-nee promptly turned into a puff of smoke when the real one got close. "Shit Mina. I am so sorry. I didn't mean for my clone to break your arm like that." He stammered nervously as he inspected the damage.

"Tch. I shouldn't have blocked that kick with my wand arm." Grumbled Mina. "Perhaps you could take me to the hospital then? I can't really do anything with a broken arm. Plus it really hurts."

Shisui nodded eagerly and carried her off to the hospital as fast as he could manage.

There was a moment of silence and then Naruto started hearing rude swears in the background. It was probably from someone getting clawed at by one of the birds that are still hanging around. "Hey Dogface. What now?"

"Maa. I'll leave it up to you. But we'd better get away from these birds." Said the man as if he hadn't thrown up a few moments ago. "They're still attacking people here."

AN:/ Two papers, A civil service exam, and one birthday later, this chapter finally shows its face.

Careful mimikins. Your wizard rudeness is showing.

Poor Shisui. Talk about a bad first date.

The date was surprisingly difficult to write. Mostly because I don't have much experience in that department. Also because I wanted certain events to happen but couldn't make it work. Like Mina shaking hands with gai and having her hand crushed by his monstrous strength.

Or having the two of them confronting their eavesdroppers.

The spar was just as difficult since magical duels are pretty much flying lights. Ninja spars tend to be upclose and personal.

And also It was originally going to be much longer but I figured since this part was already kind of long I may as well cut it into two parts and post this section.

I've also written out possible wands for various characters even if they can't use them. I can post them as an extra if enough people ask for it.

Could anyone guess what the weakness of magic in combat is?

Comments on the fight scene?

Comments on the fallout of the whole thing?

Guesses as to what the eavesdroppers were thinking? Because I assure you. There was more then one faction watching.

Crystal M. Key: I didn't think of that. Thanks for the idea!

Ultimate Alternate Universe: Magic is to Oil as Chakra is to sugar water. The body is the container. They can exist side by side. Using them means applying heat. Make of that what you will.

Vatsyayana96: I think Hiruzen's policies would work if Konoha wasn't so big. It takes too long for paperwork and information to be processed and its enough to miss large and crucial information before someone with enough knowledge to tamper with it.

Stranger: Wish granted.

Maxxus Herald: Thank you for the advice. As soon as I can figure out how to weave exposition with dialogue I'll drop the parentheses.

OMG! 6000 VIEWS! 75 FAVS AND 2 COMMUNITIES! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! I'M SO HAPPY!

Maybe I should do something special?

Reviews are Love~~

Chapter Text

It turned out that magi had interesting reactions from chakra.

" SIRIUS OH SIRIUS HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING! "

By interesting he meant horrible. It was worse than the tantrums from his two year old grandson. His papers kept flying out of their files and attacking his guards, there was a pile of vomit somewhere in the room, and his robes had been set on fire for the second time in the last 15 minutes.

" Trusting Pettigrew of all people! "

Hiruzen rubbed his temples as he watched the mildly amused Inuzuka alpha try to pry the babbling witch away from her partner. The village witch had shrieked at the top of her lungs when she caught sight of the black dog and flung herself creature. Normally Kuromaru would’ve been able to dodge it, however he had been trying to recover his hearing and did not notice the witch’s approach. The girl then wrapped her arms around the dog and gave a hug similar to the ones Uzumaki Kushina used to give, painful and suffocating.

“Majo get yer paws off of my partner!” Barked Tsume as she attempted to remove the girl’s vice like grip. “You’re suffocating him!”

A hand waved the fanged woman away. " Nooo... Stupid Ministry. No touchy my bro. " Moaned the witch. She screwed up her face in a way that resembled a constipated pug, snorts and sniffles included, and resumed her wailing. Kuromaru at this point seemed resigned to his fate of losing his hearing and spending the rest of the day having a witch wrapped around his stomach.  

“ We really ought to get some rat traps. They look like giant clipboards! For clipping heads! ” Giggled the witch. “ RAT HEADS! Or dickheads? What do you think padfoot? ” She pulled away slightly to get a look at the dog’s face.

Kuromaru just faced blankly forward, a numb panic slowly filling his eyes as the air was pushed from his lungs.

Of course, nobody could understand what the woman was raving about. Only a handful of them recognised it as the same language she spoke when she arrived two and a half years ago. Aoba recognised some of the sounds being identical to the ones that came from the moving paintings.

Judging from her behavior she was also hallucinating a great deal. There was no other explanation for the rapid mood swings and odd behaviors. At least, No other explanation that he wanted to think about. Hiruzen decided to carefully back away and summon Inoichi. Perhaps he could have some insight on dealing with the witch. The head of intelligence had already been in her mind once. Surely he could disable her.

"Riddley? Cass? Claudia? Nikita? Lucien's stuck in detention again. Sirius was too but he snuck out." Burbled Mina. Then she blew her nose in the fur beneath her with a loud honk.

Tsume found the whole thing to be enormously funny, now that her partner was no longer being strangled, even if it was an inconvenience. She had a mission to complete after all. Her partner, Kuromaru didn't seem to agree. He was steadily doing his best to escape from mina’s clutches. Then again, the dog was the one being cried on and things like that were always uncomfortable.

" Fucking self righteous bastards. Can’t say nothing but crucio. Like a parrot. " Mina then let go of Kuromaru leaving her  arms free to flap about as if she was imitating a chicken. The dog and ninja took the opportunity to disappear from the room.

Earlier that day, word of the witch’s date had spread through the village and out of morbid curiosity he had taken a look through his crystal ball.

Correction, Hiruzen had watched Shisui and Naruto through the crystal, giving him a look at the witch by proxy.

His crystal ball had been one of Uzumaki Minato's contribution to the office. It would take a small chakra sample from anyone who visited his office. With it, he could track their locations within the village. Generally, the larger the sample taken, the clearer the image from within. The crystal could only hold the samples for about a year before it had to be renewed. This wasn’t usually a problem since every shinobi in the village had to go to his office at least a few times a year. It was no help in detecting infiltrators though. Hiruzen intended to ask the witch for a larger version of her door sign to help with that.

His surrogate grandson had the clearest image. Civilians, as they didn't typically end up in the Hokage's office regularly, and the few that did had too little chakra to leave behind a clear sample. Consequently anytime he tried to view them through the crystal the image was  extremely blurry. Hiruzen had recalled the Hyuuga have commenting on the girl’s apparent corpse-like state he had assumed that Oribanda had no chakra.

However when he tuned in the crystal the images with in shifted but did no more then that. This suggested that the witch did indeed have chakra but it was so little that it may as well be nothing.

Interesting.

So he sent orders to the hospital to do a full medical exam if she ever appeared, to gather more information.

While the Witch's tax returns were being processed he looked through the medical file. He resolved to give the money to the witch himself since it seemed that her mail was being tampered with.

There is no reliable way to measure chakra in people. There are many differences in the size of coils and chakra density between individuals. The only way they currently test for chakra exhaustion is with a machine that spits out numerical digits for the total capacity of the coils, and that was still in development.

According to the scanner, kage level nin and Jinchuuriki read in the upper thousands to ten thousands. Jonin, with the exception of Maito Gai, Hatake Kakashi, and Hatake Sakumo, tend to hover around the lower thousands. Chunin and genin landed in the mid to upper hundreds and Academy students even lower on the scale. Chakra exhaustion being defined as numbers that fall below 40. His eyes returned to the form in front of him. Oribanda Mina had a five for a chakra value.

Clinically dead according to the medics.

For a moment Hiruzen had been inclined to believe her an edo tensei resurrection. He quickly dismissed the thought. The fact that she needed medical attention at times, proved that it was not the case.

Her broken right arm, the root of the current problem, had been incredibly difficult to heal. He suspected she may have injured herself again when she did her chicken impression. Her hand wasn’t lined up properly anymore.

According to reports from the hospital, it had taken quite a bit of effort to infuse her arm with chakra. The medics recorded that it was a lot like trying to wash something covered in petroleum jelly. It refused to settle properly due to the lack of chakra pathways in the patient, which meant that an extremely large amount of chakra was needed to get even a small change in the injury let alone get it into functioning order. Unlike the rest of the people in the elemental nations. The chakra in Mina’s body was stagnant and absolutely no help to the medics attempts at healing her. If anything it hindered them more then the lack of pathways since they actually had to remove it first.

(The head nurse promptly sent it to R&D. Chakra like that was unnatural. It was supposed to circulate the body, like blood. Not sit atop of the bones like a tumor.)

Once the chakra was applied to the injury, Oribanda instantly became delirious and had to be restrained.

It started as comments about creatures floating beyond the walls. Then it turned into mad rambling, half in japanese, half in something else. It got even worse as they gave her transfusions to fix the bone. She started pointing at the moon outside the window in alarm and attempted to stand and leave. It all came to a point when the windows shattered by themselves. The medic nin jumped back expecting an attack while the witch disappeared down the hall.

Her date had to chase after her to make sure she didn't hurt herself, anyone else, or do irreparable damage to the village infrastructure in her attempts to create a furu back to magical London. The task was made much more difficult than it should've been given that the witch didn't have enough chakra to set off security systems and she had enough wits to summon whatever she thought she might need.

Mina ended up staggering into the classified archives in the Hokage tower while shouting something that Shisui, who had picked up a bit of english from his secondary job at the Flying Blackbird, had translated as insults to her government and an overall distaste for rats. She then proceeded to summon a quill that apparently wrote everything she was thinking, and wrote a list of demands which included calling on a number of friends, one teacher, and storming a telephone booth with a barrel of fried tofu and a giant flaming fox.

Hiruzen made a note to request a pen charmed like that to write in kanji so as to save time on paperwork after this mess has been sorted out.

Things got worse when a team of ANBU showed up to guide her out.

Mina stared at them for a few moments before lunging at them. The witch made to draw the wand from her purse but grabbed a stick of dango instead. She waved the dango stick in two arcs in front of her mumbling something even the shinobi, with their enhanced hearing, couldn’t make out. Suddenly the chairs lining the hallway for visitors jumped to life, and began to circle around the wary shinobi. It was one of the strangest things he had seen in his long career. The furniture continued to dance, spiralling and pirouetting around the room.

An unfamiliar energy began filling the room.

" HOW DARE YOU DEATH EATER FUCKS SHOW YOUR FACE!" Roared the witch. She hurled picked up a drawer from the ground and threw it at the closest ANBU. The operative dodged to the left and glanced warily at the hole the drawer left in the wall.

“Mina. Please calm down.” Shisui begged. It was no use. It seemed that the white ANBU masks had triggered something from the past.

Inoichi had warned Hiruzen about this but he had dismissed it after she didn’t react to Kakashi constantly showing up in her store.

Mina jabbed her finger at the rest of the ANBU and opened her mouth to speak.

Shisui recognized the motion from the spar drew his sword.

“ OPPUGNO! ”

The shinobi, seeing Shisui’s reaction drew their weapons just in time for the seats to start attacking their feet. The chairs went only for the ANBU squad and completely ignored the rest of the company. No harm was done to the present company since the they had all worn shin guards.  

The shinobi did the wise thing and pretended to struggle with them while the witch continued to scream gibberish at them.

" I'VE BURNED THE LESTRANGES FOR WHAT THEY DID TO GENEVIEVE! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WON'T DO THE SAME TO YOU! BELUO IGNIS! "

Followed by more funny stick movements. Fortunately this spell seemed to be beyond her mental capabilities at that point since the only thing that happened was the dango flying off the end of it.

“What a waste of perfectly good dango!” Lamented Anko as she snuck around behind the witch and tossed her out the window into a garbage dump outside.

It was at this point that Tsume and Kuromaru made their appearance and got the surprise of their life when the woman popped out of dumpster. " Moony! You have to go to the whacking tree! "

Kakashi probably shouldn't be doing this. 

He hated hospitals with a passion. They held nothing but bad memories for him and most other shinobi. Probably for all shinobi except medics, and even then only a rare few. So why was he here sitting just out of sight of Mina's room?

"What happened?,” the airy voice of the young girl made it’s way to his ears “,I don't remember much after the owls started appearing." the sounds of sluggish movement against dry sheets following close behind the witch’s voice.

"Ah. You didn't react well to the chakra used on your injury and became delirious." Replied Shisui. "You also caused a mess in the archives"

"ARGH! I'm going to be fined again aren't I?" she groused

"No actually. Hokage-sama gave me this to pass on." The sound of shifting paper passed through the window. "It's your tax return. Hokage-sama deeply apologizes for the delay in processing as several issues have been found in the system."

"...Great!" It sounds like she had intended to say more but changed her mind at the last second.

"Er... You went off on some ANBU too. And a clan head. Inoichi had to be brought in to uh calm you down."

Mina makes a loud strangled sound "I have to schedule an appointment don't I?"

"Actually, he's been hospitalized too. He's been out of it since he dove into your mind. The medics want to know what happened in there?"

There was a pause as the cogs turned inside Mina's head. "Ah. I think I know what the problem is."

"Do tell."

"I am rather accomplished at occlumency. If I don't want someone in my head, it would be very unpleasant for someone poking around in there." She shrugged. "For him it was probably like repeatedly slamming into a wall at high speeds. Then again, I don’t really know how my mental defenses are perceived by invaders aside from involving blast ended skrewts and acromantulas. You’ve seen them in my books"

“You are one scary lady.”

Well that explained why the Ino-Shika-Cho trio were so persistent in keeping good relations. Shikaku had visited the shop many times to poke at her mind for ideas. Kakashi knows that Mina saw Inoichi as a therapist once a month.

Something about the casual way she said that made him extremely uneasy. Like having you mind invaded was akin to finding raccoons in the garbage, a recurring nuisance that couldn’t be helped.

Mina talked as if she had experience keeping other people out of her mind. Experience keeping her secrets to herself no matter what torture or loss that caused. She sounded like a shinobi. More specifically, she sounded like Ibiki after he got his scars.

Kakashi wonders if the raging howls he heard earlier had anything to do with it. He couldn't understand most of what she said, but he could recognize the names. They were the same ones Mina told stories about over tea and across the dinner table. The ones she had packed pictures of right next to her food and necessities. They were probably family.

He remembers the tone she used. Mostly because it came out of his mouth the day after his sensei…

Silence reigned in the short hallway, no sound coming from the small room behind him or himself. He wondered if Mina knew he was here. Somehow, she alway knew when someone had entered her shop, even when the door sign was out of sight.

(Shisui once asked how she did it and she responded in singsong tones “Magic!” Neither of them could tell if she was being honest.)

Kakashi could sympathize it. That pain of losing everything, he knew what that was like, so he wouldn't say a word. Something like that, that was personal. An oak leaf flew past him and vanished into the elongating shadows of the evening.  He would never ask. Just like how Mina would never ask anything of himself either.

It was like the time she found him at the graveyard a year ago.  He had been cleaning Rin grave again like he always did. He had been telling her about Naruto and how he had just moved into the Blackbird shop when the witch came up to him. “She cries you know. The one with purple marks on her face.” She told him as she stared hard at something beside the grave.

He raised an eyebrow and glanced warily between the witch and what she seemed to be looking at. There wasn’t anything behind the grave, or in front, or anywhere near it that could be worth staring at. Just the stone and the flowers he had just put there.

The witch noticed him looking and cocked her head curiously. “She has one of those snail headbands, A black shirt, A white apron, and black leggings.”

Kakashi stiffened at the description.

“-Brown straight hair, just past the shoulders.  She has her hands over her chest.”

His mind instantly flashed back to the day she got kidnapped. The day he ran her through with his Chidori. He still feels her blood staining his fingers no matter how much he washed them.

Of course Rin would weep. She was kind and compassionate. She was everything he wasn’t and he was her killer.

His eye widened when the implications of the statement hit him. He could feel his heart racing Not even ANBU training would have ever prepared him for this. The idea that someone like the witch could see-!

Mina could see the spirits of the dead! Rin could tell her the things he did. Mina would know how he killed his teammates, how he wasn’t there with sensei when he died, and all of his other failures.

She would keep Naruto from him because he was the teammate killer. She would take him away.

Then again, that might be for the best. Knowing him, he would kill the boy himself. But the thought leaves him feeling cold no matter how hard he tries to convince himself.

The witch surprised him when she picked up a stick and began to write in the dirt. She would scratch out something, frown, and then erase it. She even erased the whole thing at one point and started over. It was incomprehensible, like everything else she did, until he realized that she was writing the characters upside-down.

‘I’m sorry Kakashi. I never meant to hurt you when I stepped in front. -Rin’

Thunder boomed in the distance, mirroring the the pounding of his heart in his chest. Kakashi stared at the witch, silently demanding an explanation. The request would be ignored as the woman stared curiously at the words she had written. She narrowed her eyes as if she could command the words to do something.

Eventually she threw up her arms in aggravation and turned to him. “Do you know what any of that means?”

He had no words for the woman. Kanji wasn’t something you could write without knowing it. “You mean you don’t?”

“Can’t read Kanji.” Shrugged the woman. She turned back to the words on the ground and began tracing them like young toddlers learning to write. “Not enough presence for me to hear what she was saying, so I followed her hands.”

“I thought magi could talk to ghosts.” Maybe she could talk to Obito for him. Maybe she could tell him that he was sorry for leaving him behind.

“Normally I can, but she wasn’t a ghost.  She was just waiting for something.” The woman sighs heavily as if she had picked up a heavy burden. “She’s gone now. So I guess she just wanted the message to be passed on to you.”

Kakashi isn’t sure if he was supposed to be disappointed or not. He had never thought he would be absolved of anything in his life, let alone by someone he had killed.  He wished he could guess how Sensei and Obito felt about him.

“You’re pretty lucky you know. You can visit them anytime you want.” Sighed the witch. She pulled her hood over her head just as the first drops of rain began to fall from the sky. “I wish I could do that.” There was a heavy pause before she gave him a sardonic smile and walked deeper into the graveyard as the water from above washed away the words on the ground.

He wonders how Mina found the strength to keep feeling, to be herself. He couldn't do that, and he was surrounded by familiar faces, he was at home. She had no one. It made him feel slightly inadequate when ever he thought about it.

Voices drift out the window again pulling him from his thoughts. "Now that I have the money to do so. I want to open up a bank account."

"I know a good one but it’s a shinobi bank. You might have some problems registering since it asks you for your mission history and stuff."

"I have no intentions of putting my money in a civilian bank. There aren’t any goblins there. If they can break into my post I bet they can break into my vault."

"... Your vault?" Questioned Shisui. "What do you mean? Your vault?"

Kakashi was thinking of the same thing. His one visible eye wrinkling at the edges in confusion.

What came after was the strangest monetary system he had ever heard of. Goblins? Vaults? Guarded by dragons? It sounded awfully inconvenient.

"I AM NOT LETTING A BUNCH OF MUGGLES AT MY MONEY." Barked the witch. The hospital blankets rustled as she tried to get up.  she huffed "Ugh. My sister never had to deal with any of this when she was 19. Why do I have to?"

"You're 19?" Asked Shisui Surprised. "I thought you were my age."

Kakashi could almost see her raising an eyebrow at that. “Which is?”

“Erm…. I just turned 14.”  

“... I thought you were 17. You look older.” Mina grumbled as she stared at Shisui. “Now I feel like a paedophile.”

“U-Umm-”

“That does explain you relative lack of experience in the dating department though.” Suddenly the floundering he showed regarding the date sabotages make a lot more sense.

“Was I your first by chance?”

“I- what? No?” He squeaked in response. “Why’d you say it like that?!”

“Come on now. There’s no need to be embarrassed.” Teased the witch. “We’ve all been through it.”

“Er- Obviously you still need rest soooooo…” Stammered the boy as he dashed out the window, not noticing Kakashi snickering in the shadows. “...I’ll just see you at work after my next mission.”

“HEY! WAIT! YOU COULD AT LEAST GET ME OUT OF HERE!” Wailed Mina. More frantic rustling came from the room followed by a soft thud as she flopped back down. “Ugh! I give up. I need my wand.”

“Maa. Maa what’s all the noise about?” Asked Kakashi as he stuck his head through the window. “I could hear you shouting from your shop.”  That was only partially a lie. His clones had dispelled sometime earlier and they could indeed hear the angry howls from the hospital and the Hokage tower.

He had initially thought she had been tied to the bed. It’s what they did to ninja under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs combined with chakra suppressing tags. Mina however, did not have any chakra to suppress and after the incident today, really ought to be kept away from anything chakra related.

“ Hat cake . I know what you’re going to ask-” Began the witch.

Kakashi ignored the deliberate mispronunciation of his name and gleefully began needling Mina. “So how was your date?”

“Oh screw off.” She shot him a baleful glare in response and tried to give him the finger.

Tried.

Apparently the hospital staff decided that the shinobi grade bonds were overkill. Instead they opted to use the hospital blankets to swaddle the witch until she looked like a spring roll. While this wouldn’t stop any decent shinobi from using hand signs it worked to stop Mina from waving her hands and causing more physical and psychological damage.

She was sitting up and her hair had been mussed up from what must’ve been numerous attempts to free herself from her bindings. It stood up in odd angles as if pair of birds had attempted to make a nest and abandoned it halfway.

He smiled at the sight, not that anyone could tell of course. Such was the beauty of masks.

“Unwrap me please?”  Pleaded Mina.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “Not going to demand it like you usually do?”

“Not the boss here.” She shrugged and as if reminded of her current lack of mobility, began wriggling again in an attempt to either roll off the bed, or slip her arms free. “Now could you please release me?”

“Aww. But you look so cute like that.” He teased. “Like a slug.” She really did look like a slug with that many blankets wrapped around her or like one of those long body pillows that people liked to hug in their sleep. No don’t think about it. She’ll hex you.

“This is for the wood jokes isn’t it?” Sighed the witch.

Kakashi simply grinned at her from behind his mask. The outline of his outrageously large grin visible against the cloth. Because Yes, yes it was.

Kakashi had no intention of letting her live down her horrendous first date. That isn’t to say he was going to ignore Uchiha Shisui, but since Naruto lived with Mina she was more accessible. Plus he didn’t have to worry about being hexed since her wand and purse were on the stand, out of her nonexistent reach.

“Say my name first.”

“Hm? It’s Hatake right?” Mina cocked her head in confusion.

“My given name.”

She narrowed her eyes for a moment before complying. “Fine. Please get me out of here Kakashi. I’m kind of hot in all these blankets.”. After a few moments pause she added. “I still think that’s a silly name.”

He chuckled lightly before making his way to her and untying the knot that kept the sheets wrapped and bound to the bed. Mina then took advantage of the sudden lack of resistance and wriggled out of her wrappings.

The medics had taken the garbage and mud covered dress off of Mina and replaced with a thin, short hospital gown. It’s rude to stare. Stop that.

“At least I didn’t jinx my name.” He chirped as he turned to look out the window. It wasn’t really the first time he got that comment. The Hatake clan began as farmers, then they became samurai, and finally ninja. But the names were always a homage to their agricultural roots.

“I knew I was going to regret telling you that story.”

Apparently the Noble clans of Magi also had such naming traditions. The Oribanda clan all had names beginning with the same character. Mina mentioned that her great grandmother had named her something very old fashioned and that she grew up being teased about it until she threw a tantrum and jinxed it in a fit of accidental magic.

“Anyway, Thanks for that. I kind of just want to go home and go to bed.” Mina stepped off the heap of hospital blankets and began rummaging through her pocketbook. After a few moments she pulled out her wand and changed her gown into something more like what the typically wore. “I think I’ll refrain from dating in the future. It’s too much of a hassle with all the sabotage and the date peepers.”

Kakashi carefully refrained from pouting. He had been looking forward to watching more chaos and teasing her about it. Plus it was fun to spy on her date. He had thoroughly enjoyed it even if he spent a good chunk of the time shushing Naruto. It would’ve been one of the few times he saw her without one of her cloaks.

It was oddly disappointing to know it wouldn’t happen again.

Chapter Text

A week into december mind boggling changes started showing in the Flying blackbird.

The first was the appearance of twinkling lights and a bunch of decorations lining the roof, windows, and displays. They shone in every color and twinkled like stars. The roof and awnings would alternate between red and green with striped canes, blue and white with colored balls.

The outside of the shop was crisscrossed by strings garnished with multicolored orbs of glowing light. More lights could be seen hanging haphazardly throughout the shop, zigzagging between shelves and the strange lamps turning the interior into a maze of twine. Probably a good thing since it kinda hurt his eyes.

The second was the reappearance of the radio within the shop. It was the size of Kiba’s dog and looked like a giant toaster with an antler sticking out of it and it played all sorts of weird music-ttebayo.

Mina-nee said she didn’t usually have it out cos’ the music might freak out the customers. Which was weirdly normal for Mina-nee, but he guessed she had to be careful after The Date. besides when he had played with it in the back room it never worked anyway.

Loud static was really annoying and it gave him a headache-ttebayo.

It gave Dogface a headache too. Then again that might be because nee-chan grew a pine tree in the corner and it was his turn to sweep the floor. He didn’t complain out loud, but it was pretty easy to see that he was upset. Even if his face was hidden by the shiny mask.

This happened last year too, but since he hadn’t been living here, Naruto never noticed the tinier details. Like Mina-nee decorating the tree with sparkly glass balls and pictures like the ones in her room, or how the shop would start to smell like cinnamon and something kinda like mint but with a sharper bite. like it was crunchier than normal mint. Then again, last year Nee-chan didn’t hang the talking portrait things up either.

Then again last year Nee-chan was eating dogfood and weeds so maybe she couldn’t have this much stuff. It still makes him feel bad when she gives him the best bits of food. Unless it was fried potatoes, she eats those faster than he eats ramen. He tries to give them back but then she gives him this really intense stare and he eats it anyway. Sometimes he’ll stare back but then Dogface starts snickering. It’s not funny-ttebayo!

Naruto would stare back like Hinata sometimes stared at her elders. That kind of scary look

Naruto asked her where the money came from. They were kind of swimming in it now-ttebayo.

“I had some things sorted out.” He tried to make her say something more but she always changed the subject.  

Oddly enough not much changed despite all the money

Nee-chan still lived in the small shop. She still ate mostly vegetables, yuck.

She still made potions and magic candy.

The only major change was that she was now hiring genin teams to weed around the scary plants in the back. Well that and she wasn’t buying dog food anymore.

Currently the shop was closed and Mina-nee was making a roasted goose, the big one he caught all by himself with some shoelaces, a coat hanger, and a used bedsheet. The smell filled the whole building and he started drooling whenever he thought about it for too long.

Nee-chan said that a big and important holiday was coming up and the store would be closing for a while because of it.

Naruto wasn’t sure what holiday she was talking about. He figured that New Year’s was coming up so it was probably that, but those celebrations never involved trees and presents.

The biggest Holiday he could think of was the kyuubi festival, which was on his birthday, October tenth. It was always the hardest day of the year, everyone would give him those awful looks and some people would throw things at him. It was also the day he got he got kicked out of the orphanage, but with Mina-nee here maybe this year would be different?

Maybe it was another witch holiday. Nee-chan spent the last day of october singing and dancing over a pot, giving out candy, and tricking people.

Why couldn’t Konoha celebrate ha-ro-wiin ?It was so much fun. Even Jiji and the daimyo’s wife got in on it when they found out what Mina-nee’s little potion did-ttebayo.

“Eye of newt and toe of frog,

Wool of bat and tongue of dog

Adder’s fork and Blind-worm’s sting

Lizard’s leg and owlet’s wing”

The witch danced around her abnormally large cauldron as Naruto, Hinata-chan, Jiji and Dogface watched. The potion started bubbling a scary green color that changed with each stanza of the song. Naruto recognized some of the words referring to parts of animals he knew. Cut up parts of dogs, owls, frogs, and snakes went into the cauldron. Even dragons bits! He had never seen a dragon before. Mina-nee said he was lucky but he thought it would be cool to see one.

“ Double, double, toil and trouble;

Fire burn and cauldron bubble. ”

The entire shop had been redecorated with bats and skulls. The roof and awnings had been recolored to black and orange stripes. Even Mina-nee had changed out of her pink grandma dress and black cloak into black pumpkin patterned dress with an awesome orange cloak.

“Something wicked this way comes!”

At the end of the little jig the potion had turned a cheerful pink and she poured it into a bunch of small cups and put them out front. It smelled kind of like roasted pumpkins and people started coming in to find the source of the smell. Most people were curious as to what the potion did but didn’t have enough courage to actually take the ‘trick’

It was kinda funny to watch the shinobi chitter and squeak like mice though-ttebayo.

Even Shisui-nii’s cousins came in. They hadn’t spoken much since Nee-chan broke her arm.

“Hi Goosebutt! Hi Goosehead-ttebayo!”

The younger one opened her mouth to tell him off but nee-chan beat him to it.

“Naruto that’s not how you greet people at the counter.” reprimanded Mina as she smacked him with a newspaper. “Hello boys. Would you like a trick or a treat?”

Goosebutt sort of just stared at Mina-nee. Naruto wasn’t sure if he liked the look in his eye. He better not call Mina-nee a creep like some of the other civilians do. Uchiha or not, anyone who insults Nee-chan is gonna get a punch to the face. He gets a lot of practice punching away the smaller bouncing bulbs-ttebayo.

His brother ended up answering for him. “A treat for my brother and a trick for me please Majo-san.”

Nee-chan nodded and gave goosebutt a candy mouse and goose head a cup of the potion.

Dogface leaned forward curiously. No one was allowed to drink the pink pumpkin smelling liquid until someone came into the store and the goose brothers had just given them the chance to see what happened.

Sasuke just wrapped the wriggling mouse candy in a napkin and stuffed it into his pocket.

Itachi took note of everyone’s reactions and downed the bubbling drink in one gulp.

The result was horrifying. He collapsed to the floor as his legs began to change.

 They were suddenly way longer then they were supposed to be-ttebayo.

Goosebutt teetered for a moment before crashing to the ground.

His skin darkened and spines began to sprout from it until they were the length of a finger and turned to feathers.

Arms became long and skinny like uncooked ramen noodles.

His eyes grew to the size of apples and his lips seemed to sprout from his face and morph into a black beak.

Naruto would have nightmares about it for for weeks afterward. He really wished he had looked away and judging from Goosebutt and Hinata-chan’s expressions, they felt the same way.

And then it was over.

Goosehead had become a bird boy. He looked just like the crow tengu in the story books, only less scary and more funny. He staggered to feet and after a few tries, managed to stand almost like he had before he drank the trick drink, though his legs stuck out a little too far on both sides to be comfortable. “Majo-san. A warning would’ve been appreciated.” Cawed the bird boy in a rougher but no less even voice. Then he started shuffling around so that he could get used to his weird bird legs without falling on his face.

“You did ask for a trick Itachi. Though perhaps I should call you Karasu?” Chirped Mina-nee with a little too much glee on her face. Seriously, it was kinda scary-ttebayo. Even Dogface was backing away a bit.

Then Shisui-owlface popped his head into the shop. “Heya ‘Tachi! She got you too huh. You look great by the way, better then me.” He hooted as he gestured to his mail owl transformation. It was the silliest thing he had ever seen with its great yellow eyes and funny face ruffles. Nee-chan had really weird looking birds where she came from-ttebayo!  “Don’t worry, I’m on my second batch. It’ll wear off in a few hours. In the meantime, you should try gliding! The wings aren’t strong enough to fly directly. WHICH SUCKS BY THE WAY! MINA YOU SHOULD FIX THAT.” He screeched the last part at Nee-chan who was already popping out more pink drinks.

“It’s supposed to be a partial shift! Plus, I DON’T CONTROL WHICH ANIMAL YOU TURN INTO!” She shouted back. She turned to the rest of the people who were staring curiously into the contents of the cups. “Go on. Give it a sip. It’s perfectly safe and you can pretend to be monsters for a few hours.”

In the end the entire village had been filled with animal hybrids for a few hours.

So yeah, Ha-ro-wiin was loads of fun.

Many shinobi discovered that they had bizarre reactions to ingesting mainstream transformation potions. Most of them ended up going to the hospital later that day with tinnitus, nausea, dizziness, and other symptoms in line with motion sickness after the potion wore off.

Even if the potion turned him half toad and gave him this really annoying ringing in his ears. It took Dogface a whole lot of fast taking to keep Hinata-chan’s dad from killing them when she was brought back as a seagull girl. What is it with his friends having scary families-ttebayo?!

Choji’s dad was bloody HUGE! and Kiba’s mom always looked like she was real hungry! A boastful smile bloomed on his face. Mina-nee said that bloody was a bad word where she was from, and not just because it meant blood which was gross, because it was like the F-word. His smile spread.

Then again, he’d never been invited to anyone else’s house before. Maybe it was a private thing, like birthdays or anniversaries. He’d never had one of those so he couldn’t really tell. His smile, which was so big moments before, seemed to implode on itself, folding into an impressive frown. Mina-nee was family right? He’d been living there for ever.

That made them family right?

He had hoped this ku-ri-su-masu would be a fun and happy holiday like the end of october, but Nee-chan keeps looking sad even when she’s smiling.

At first it wasn’t so bad, he had barely even noticed, but as the month continued just got worse.

Mina had begun to throw herself into the holiday preparations. Stealing moments in between to stock to store in typical Mina fashion. She barely made enough time to talk with him. She didn’t even make fun of Dogface anymore.

The food grew more and more elaborate each day. A few days ago it was Su-fu-rei, last night it was, twice baked potatoes. Tonight it she made a whole lot of Ra-sa-nya.

Then the snow started. Right over the shop, which was kind of cool but sometimes these kinda scary masks would appear in the corners, they were creepy cos’ they’re names never showed up on nee-san’s magic door sign, just funny looking numbers. He wasn’t sure what scared him more. The way Dogface always tenses when they’re around, or the lack of a name.

(For some reason Dogface always covered nee-san’s door sign when he comes in. Nee-san  starting laughing when she told him.)

Dogface said to stay away from them.

Naruto had taken to asking Nee-chan about the people in the pictures to take her mind off of it. Mina-nee liked to tell stories about her friends. Especially stories about her nakama.

He would ask about her friends, and her teachers, and her sort-of siblings. He’d never had any, not really, so he was always hungry for them.

He liked to hear the pranks of the marauders. Three boys who turned themselves into animals once a month just to their fourth friend wouldn’t be lonely when he took his cursed form.

The Patchwork Crew, seven friends breaking dozens of school rules, government laws and risking their livelihood to make sure one of them wasn’t excluded. Ridori would steal things right from under the teachers by turning into a foot stool. Nee-chan and   Kasu were lucky to have them.

Naruto hopes he would have nakama like that one day too. Well, he had Hinata-chan, she was awesome. But he’d like to have more than one-ttebayo.

Still, the stories Nee-chan told gave him hope that someday, it might happen.

It kept her distracted for a little while, but it all came to a head on the twenty fifth.

The three of them had spent the morning making cookies, opening presents (mostly for him and dog face from Nee-chan and Shisui-nii), and sliding off the snowy rooftops with tea trays. Then they danced around to witch show tunes. Nee-chan got sick of dogface standing around awkwardly after a few minutes and dragged him on to the dance floor.

It was kinda weird seeing him dance like that. He looked so awkward that even the portraits were giggling about it. Jijii said that the ANBU were professional ninja. But ninja didn’t dance, did they?

Shisui-nii was on another mission, which made him feel bad ‘cos ku-ri-su-masu  was supposed to be for family.

But then during dinner time Nee-chan set the table for way too many people. There were twenty places set and some of them were highchairs.

He asked who else was coming ‘cos he really wanted to meet them.

But then she got all quiet. “That’s right. It’s just me now…. They’ve all been killed. They’ve all been k-killed by….”

To Naruto and Dogface’s dismay she started crying her eyes out.

Dogface reached over to comfort her only to be shot in the gut with a stinging hex.

“GET AWAY FROM ME MONSTER!” She screeched with her wand still out and glowing.

Naruto flinched and tried to ignore the tears forming. She thought he was a monster too?

He opened his mouth to ask when he noticed that she hadn’t been speaking to him at all, but at Dogface.

“IT’S BAD ENOUGH I’M STUCK IN SOME BACKWATER NATION OFF THE MAP! I have spent years living in fear that one of your minister’s mooks would kill me for making the wrong move or torture me if I didn’t do something! I’ve been forced to support mindless MURDER and TORTURE!” She screamed in anger. “DON’T YOU DARE COME ANY CLOSER!”

Dogface simply bowed his head and took the stream of abuse without any comment. The moment seemed to last forever but the light soon faded from the wand and the witch dropped her hand as she realized what she had just said.

“I miss my home...” Sobbed Mina as she sank to the floor. “I’m sorry… ”

“Don’t be...” Murmured Dogface as he stared at nothing in particular. “I deserve it...”

Hyuuga Hinata liked a lot of things, but there were some things she didn’t like.

She didn’t like how Neji-niisan looked at her. It was a glare filled with anger and resentment and it never failed to make her feel lower than dirt.

He was the genius of the Hyuuga clan, but he was from the branch family and so he was barred from learning certain techniques. He had been glaring at her ever since Hizashi-Jisama returned from her kidnapping injured and scarred.

It got worse once Ji-sama told him the limits of what he could be taught. Hinata wouldn’t complain though, Naruto-kun got worse then that all the time and he still smiled through the day. He still walked with his head high.

She offered to teach some to Neji but he rejected it.

“I don’t need pity from the Main branch. Especially not from someone like You. ” He spat.

She figured he just hadn’t believed her.

She really could help him too, even if she had trouble with the techniques when her elders were watching. It was hard not to shake with all those eyes glaring at you. The hyuuga elders were once proud warriors of the clan and while their bodies may have atrophied, their fierce stare did not.

Hinata had trained on her own ever since that awful day. She could even do the vacuum palm technique.

Nobody aside from Naruto believed her when she said that though.

She didn’t want to worry about being grabbed from her engawa again. Once her sister was old enough, Hinata resolved to train with her as well.

The porch that once held the beauty of the night had been ruined when she was drugged and shoved into a sack. Try as she might, she could not shake the feeling that she would suddenly blink and find herself in darkness each time she looked out into the night

Even with her Byakugan, Hinata couldn’t help but wonder if there were any more nasty surprises hiding in the dark that would spring out and try to grab her. She could still hear the terrifying roar of the unseen monster through her drug induced haze.

Even if Father said differently, she knew there was a monster in the village.

She knows that this disappoints the elders and her father, and that makes it worse.

She didn’t like bullies either but then she probably wouldn’t have met Naruto-kun, who fell out of the sky and broke his leg when he saw some making fun of her. Hinata still felt bad about them getting hurt but at least it wasn’t serious.

Hinata noticed how people were mean to Naruto-kun but shied away from his sister and the Dog masked man that followed them about. She asked her father about it, but didn’t get anything other than to be careful around “that boy” as he was referred to by the household, especially if he got enraged because he might destroy everything around him.

She thought that was kind of silly, and had to carefully make sure her father couldn’t read such thoughts from her expression.

Naruto-kun wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Actually that wasn’t right. He hunted in the woods for food sometimes, but that didn’t count. Plus, the only way to make him really really mad was to insult Mina-Oneesan. Even then all he would do was punch them if they were kids, or prank them if they were adults.

Hinata didn’t like being inside Mina-oneesan’s shop either. She wasn’t sure why, but something inside just felt funny. Like something very important was missing and hiding just beyond her field of site. A very uncomfortable feeling for someone used to seeing everything around her. It was highly confusing and it made her itch. She was glad her store was there though. Father and mother had told her that if it wasn’t for the witch and her store, either she would’ve been kidnapped, or her father would’ve caused a serious incident by accidentally killing the kumo ambassador.  

She wasn’t sure she believed that but she would be sure to avoid Kumo’s Purple Monstrosity in the future.

The Flying Blackbird was the source of many of her happy memories despite the strangeness coming from the store. Mina-oneesan was always patient with her questions and she always answered them, even if it wasn’t something that adults normally told kids. Like the best way to blow up a building, or how to build a potato cannon, or where babies came from. The woman even encouraged sassy responses, citing that it showed a clever mind if an insult can be worded in a way that was polite and humorous at the same time.

She looked forward to the witch holidays since the celebrations were always interesting. The looks on the faces of the elders when they saw her in her half seagull state was almost worth the scolding she got. The strange egg drink that Oneesan offered earlier in the month was rather enjoyable too. Even Hanabi liked it.

When Naruto-kun showed up in front of the Hyuuga estate in tears about Mina-oneesan having a meltdown, she intended to do something about it. So she ignored the gate guard and pulled him into her training grounds and sat through his blubbering recount of the events that had transpired in the store.

Hinata was bad at many things, but understanding people, was not one of them.

Naruto didn’t seem to understand that Oneesan was essentially living Hinata’s worst nightmare. Then again, maybe he didn’t notice. He was kind of dumb like that sometimes.

If she had escaped the Kumo nin and ended up being forced to live in a red light district, she would’ve gone crazy a long time ago. Stuff like that sort of flew in the face of everything she had been taught. It was a perversion of everything she considered sacred and a violation of her core values.

Hinata had also heard about the date farce. In fact, she had been following them herself to see what all the fuss was about.

“N-Naruto-kun. I think Oneesan’s precious people were k-killed by someone wearing a mask. Maybe that’s why she attacks ANBU sometimes.” She began “I-I think she knows that what she did to D-Dogface was terrible. B-but she couldn’t stop herself which made her even m-more upset and angry.”

“Thanks for explaining. You’re good at this stuff ya know-ttebayo.” Naruto dragged his fingers up his inner wrist catching his sleeve and wiped his nose. “We should do something to cheer her up!” His usual grin bloomed across his face in dynamic proportions. Quickly refolding his legs into a neater position Naruto hunched over crossed arms, his eyes scrunched in deep thought.

“I Know! I could pull a huge prank with the Hokage mountain! Or cover jiji’s desk in post-its! Or maybe-”

“Naruto-kun.” Hinata knew better than to let him ramble. Oneesan told her to keep him from doing something drastically stupid, or stupidly drastic.  She had no doubt that he would do as he says and get in trouble for it. “M-maybe we should get her a gift of her own? U-um. It would show that we care.”

Naruto perked up instantly. “Hey! Yeah Tha’s a great idea! Let’s go buy her somethin’ awesome-ttebayo!” Then he dashed off to the shopping district where people would throw him out because of his birthday. Or he would pick up something he couldn’t actually afford and cause a scene leading to the same action. Or buy copious amounts of ramen and spill it everywhere.

“W-wait for me Naruto-kun!” Called Hinata as she ran after him.

The witch had proved to be a valuable asset to Konoha.

Many of her products had made interrogations a good deal easier. But she had also been hired to ward the Hokage’s files, which meant that he was rather short on information at the moment. Her personal items in her home were similarly warded. The few pages that he had been able to get his hands on had nothing written on them. Which should be impossible since his agents had observed her writing a formula of some sort. There wasn’t any signs of chakra on them either so no genjutsu was used.

Danzo cursed under his breath as he watched another one of his agents get caught and sent to Torture and interrogation.

He had been relying on visual observation for the most part to get details on her techniques.

He originally considered using his agents to experiment and test the witch but that idea was quickly cast aside.

He could only imagine the possibilities if he had reliable access to her kekkei genkai.

However, she was civilian, and a civilian in mourning at that. She had shown absolutely no interest in the Shinobi system. If anything, she had been appalled at the suggestion and politely dismissed the agent who had recommended the option. The exact words, as quoted by the agent in question were “I respect the culture of the land even if I do not understand it. You will have to excuse my ignorance if I won’t find fulfillment in being used by someone else. The pay just isn’t worth it.”

There was also that treasonous debate she had with the Uchiha on their date he had to worry about as well as the disaster that followed. She also kept interfering with The Weapon by telling children’s stories about silly things like teamwork and a casual disregard for rules.

To think Sarutobi would actually believe that she was a good influence on The Weapon. Too bad he couldn’t cut the ties since she’s all it talked about.

But she was also woman. They were often a slave to their emotions and it couldn’t be helped.

Ducking out of the way from a flock of highly aggressive blackbirds he got up and pulled the files of several younger agents and spread them across the desk in an attempt to find a path forward. She seemed to have a soft spot for children as well as an inclination to distrust shinobi. That was something he could use at least. Perhaps he could send operative Kabuto to her under the guise of needing a job to support himself. If the Uchiha was any indication, Kabuto would likely be taught several useful potions during his time working there as well as given access to highly valuable plants.

Since Hiruzen’s idiot student had dropped in a few months ago he had lost a good chunk of his monetary assets as well as the chance to pressure the witch into joining ROOT.

That was probably for the best since, according to the hospital file he acquired, she had proved to be rather fragile despite her apparent strength as well as having an extreme chakra allergy. She wouldn’t last long on a mission at all and training her would be a waste of time.

Her offspring on the other hand, there was a good deal of promise there. Danzo knew that Hiruzen would eventually pair her off with someone for that purpose. She had even allowed that act and copies of that particular letter had been copied and stored in a variety of places in case she should attempt to deny it. His operatives would run interference if he decided the candidate was not suitable for ROOT purposes.

Still, that woman’s monetary support would have made his operations a great deal easier. It was much easier to operate over great distances when corrupt officials could be bribed into leaving something alone. Not to mention keeping her products out of the national economy.

Danzo rubbed his forehead with his unbound arm before setting aside the paperwork and leaning back in his seat.

He had no intention of letting any other village have access to the potions. It was one less item that couldn’t be turned against Konoha agents.

He had to be careful from this point forward.

Fortunately the witch seemed to be more emotionally vulnerable during the end of the year when she seemed to become more aware of her situation and position in the village. She was likely more paranoid but more open to suggestion from one of his civilian operatives.

Make no mistake, once she proved to be too much of a liability he would have her taken care of by Orochimaru. A seduction operation was viable as whether or not the witch kept the child was inconsequential. The snake man could be quite charming when he wanted to be.

He had contacts in the hospital as well as the means to induce an early labor or force an abortion and grow the fetus in a lab.

If that doesn’t work he could just have her sedated and taken to Sound and extract a child there.

An official announcement of her death should also make the Weapon as well as Hatake susceptible to influence.

Danzo fully intended to keep the witch books regardless of happened. With the witch’s death all of the security wards should fail in theory since none of them had been anchored by a seal or a mage equivalent.

The witch had many reliable patrons and someone was bound to notice if anything happened quickly, especially Hatake who seemed to have bonded with the asset. Over pornographic novels no less.

He grimaced at the thought.

Yes, In the long run this was surely the best option.

If he went this route he would have to time this perfectly.

If he waited too long the Weapon would be out of his hands. If he rushed the Weapon would be destabilized and the Kyuubi may once again be unleashed and Konoha would be lost.

Not to mention the Uchiha might use the Mangekyo on her. It was only a stroke of luck that kept him out of the village during her weakest moments. That situation has to be dealt with, quickly at that.

The risks of this option were enormous but the payoff, equally so.

Kabuto might get airs if he learns any of the witch’s abilities which would make him harder to control.

He wouldn’t have to worry about the witch teaching Orochimaru anything. Apparently whatever energy she uses tends to displace chakra and despite Orochimaru’s delusions about immortality, even he would not be so stupid as to cast aside something he spent his entire life building up in exchange for a skill he barely understood.

He would however have to worry about Orochimaru deciding not to give up the Asset. Orochimaru had an advantage as he resembled one of her old friends right down to the snake association. If the witch truly got seduced she could certainly be turned against the village, and with her the Weapon.

Again, a mangekyo from a specific Uchiha would be very useful in insuring that this doesn’t happen, but the boy was also within the woman’s grasp. Somehow the uppity bastards had grievously offended the witch and Uchiha Shisui had been given to her in recompense. Of course the only information available on this was the involvement of a giant strike of lightning which he assumed was a display of anger from the witch rather than a jutsu gone wrong like the official explanation states.

He highly doubted that she would allow the boy to get away with shirking his duty at the shop for anything short of a Hokage notice signed, stamped and handed to her by the man himself.

He didn’t have access to the boy’s ANBU files either and so could not send anyone to intercept him on a mission. Add the raised security on the ANBU entrance and Hiruzen monitoring it with his crystal and camping outside became impractical.

It left him in a dilemma.

Perhaps an opportunity will present itself.

Avoiding more conjured birds that had been released into the ROOT headquarters, Danzo began making his way outside and back to the public eye of Konoha.

Chapter Text

The silence in the shop echoed as Mina continued to weep.

She didn’t like to dwell on the past and that was terrible. It was cowardly. It was pathetic.

But the choking sobs wouldn’t stop. She curled up tighter into herself as self loathing flooded her mind.

(“ Minnikins, you’re such a cry baby. Need a hug?” )

She was a terrible person who did terrible things. She was heartless.

(One by one they fall. But she keeps moving forward with that terrible serene expression on her face. “Sis?”)

Why else would it take years for her to grieve for her lost family?

A normal person wouldn’t have forgotten to bury the dead. A normal person would’ve set up a memorial. A normal person wouldn’t scream obscenities at her friends. A normal person would’ve protested at being stuck in a village of mercenaries.

(“It’s alright to grieve for what you have lost. You can trust me. Konoha is a good place to start over.”)

A normal person wouldn’t be crying on christmas day. It was an important holiday, Everything should be set aside to celebrate the blessings.  It was a good day. Definitely a good day.

But it wasn’t.

But what was there to celebrate when there was no one to be with?

(Naruto and Kakashi stand there staring back at her.)

It was unproductive, it was bitchy, and it had no point. What good were tears anyway?

Mina stands up and wipes off her face.

She had to empty her mind of emotions.

Empty it as she had done for the years before.

She had work to do.

She had- She had to clean to shop.

She had to reset the table with…. less places.

( “FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN! GET THE TRIPLETS SETTLED OR THEY’LL TEAR UP THE DEN!” “Bloody hell Mina. You have a lot of cousin’s.” “Yes I do Riddley, yes I do.” )

Her mind had to be devoid of emotions. She needed to think clearly.  Occlumency had become easier with time. But sometimes she would slip.

Konoha was not the place to slip. It wasn’t a good place to slip.

It was dangerous.

She had to grow a mandrake. She needed it.

She had to move on. Because it was pathetic that she hadn’t. It was pathetic to wear one’s heart on their sleeve.

Devoid of emotions .

It was pathetic and it was terrible.

Mina was a terrible person.

She has done terrible things.

(“ Witches like you should not reproduce. ” She hissed. The woman sneered from the end of her wand. Yet, there was a spark terror in her eyes. )

But that didn’t mean that others should suffer for it.

Grief had no place in her life.

What is lost is lost.

What is done is done.

She had no right to grieve over her sister when they weren’t close to begin with.

( “Why now? Just when we were starting to be friends” )

Devoid of emotions… Relax the hands.

She should apologize to Kakashi and maybe get him another present. He definitely deserves it for putting up with her shit.

Naruto too, the boy certainly deserved to be happy. She should get him something he can share with Hinata. Things were always better when you could share it with a friend.

Maybe she’ll buy them a quidditch set once she figures out how to make a reliable portkey. Then she could go to Quality Quidditch Supplies and finally make use of that discount Riddley offered her.

She slowly pushes herself off of the floor.

Come to think of it, once she got the portkey functional she could probably go shopping at diagon alley again. That would be a relief.

If only she could figure out why nothing stayed alive once the portkey activated.

Calm. Deep breaths. Trees in the forest. Wind in the clouds.

The sun was about to set. The shadows stretched higher on the walls for each second she spent waiting. Hopefully the other’s would be back soon so she could apologize. There was still food in the oven, otherwise she would go after them herself.

Stand up. Smile. The world is watching.

( “Dear, You are now the face of Ollivander’s so smile. Your sister might be more beautiful but that’s no excuse for you to mope.” “Yes Mother.” )

Smile.

The sun had set hours ago. Naruto hadn’t come back. That was fine. Dogface was with him. They should both be fine.

( “MINA! RIDDLEY! CLAUDIA! GET IN HERE BEFORE THE BLIZZARD HITS! THERE’S HOT COCOA BY THE CHRISTMAS TREE!” )

She should probably put the food away. Yet she couldn’t really find the strength to pull herself together for it.  It would be a waste for it to all go bad.

The food would last for weeks.

Unless Naruto came back. With him around it would be gone in a day. The same went for Kakashi. Though, the man rarely ever ate when she was looking. She would turn away for a second, and his plate would be empty.  Perhaps he ate like a puffskein, everything in one clean gulp.

( “I look like a Chipmunk!” “No you don’t Cass. You look like a rabbit when you eat carrot cake. ”)

Then again, maybe he wasn’t actually eating but stuffing it into his pocket instead. He has to take off his mask to eat right?

Did he have an eating disorder?

Mina knew people like that. Usually they would stuff themselves at the table, vomit, and do it again with the food in their pocket later. That can’t be good for his teeth. Maybe she should give him a toothbrush.

Didn’t toothbrushes cause stomach ulcers?

No. That was something else.

But what if it was a magic toothbrush-?

Or maybe a mirror that whispered compliments? She had read something about eating disorders stemmed from self esteem issues.

Her mind was racing a million miles an hour. Too fast to get anything done.

Best to wait until it settles.

Take a deep breath. Smile

No need for a repeat of the her first set of exams. She’d been so nervous that instead of levitating the cushion to just above her head like she was supposed to, she launched it through the ceiling and caused a fire in the N.E.W.T potions exam room.

Severus never forgave her for that one. Especially since he had just handed in his potion sample when the fire started.

Then again, the dishes have to be done along with a bunch of other mindless chores.

She was in the middle of studying about self transfigurations and charms.

The world is watching

So smile

It turns out that Mina had dozed off while studying from Levitation and You by Matilda Honey.

She realized this when the dragons she had been levitating vanished with the sound of a door slamming. It was still dark out so it was probably very early in the morning. The boy should’ve been asleep in bed and she had scared him out of the shop. “Naruto? That you?”

The boy froze, looking like a gnome caught in the garden. “M-Mina-nee?” He squeaked.

“...Your back late.”

He only cringed, as if he expected her to strike him.  She felt her chest tighten a little at the sight as the air left her lungs. Her outburst must’ve scared him more than she thought to make him act like this in her presence.

Such a terrible person.

“I was out of line earlier. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“..’ts okay” He spoke down  to his feet.

The two of them stared in silence for several moments before Mina spoke up again.

“Do…. Will you bake a cake with me? You don’t need to if you don’t want to.”

Naruto brightened immediately and dashed into the kitchen.

After spending a few moments looking for Kakashi, she took a deep breath and followed him inside.

Naruto had already emptied the shelves of all the necessary ingredients. “Nee-chan? Can we make a really giant chocolate cake-ttebayo?”

She wasn’t sure why he liked the chocolate cake so much. But if he wanted it… “Sure. Do we have coffee?”

“Yep.”

“Okay then. Let’s get baking.”

Naruto didn’t know why Nee-chan was sleeping on a book downstairs in the middle of the night.

He wasn’t entirely sure why Nee-chan wanted to bake a cake either. The ones she made were always huge and they had to eat it quick or it would start tasting like old socks-ttebayo. It’s not that they were bad or anything, they weren’t. They were some of the tastiest things he’d ever eaten, but Nee-chan always made so much of it that there were leftovers, even when she offered it to her customers for free.

and then Dogface, Shisui-nii, and himself had to stuff their faces before it went bad.

He’d always felt a little sick afterward.

Dogface didn’t even like sweets. He said so when he pulled the cake slices from a scroll. Which is kinda dumb, ‘cos Nee-chan’s cakes are awesome and deserve to be eaten,

Naruto wasn’t sure why Dogface would eat the cake if he didn’t like sweets, he should’ve said so. Mina-nee wouldn’t mind it. She’d just make him something else.

But if it made Mina-nee feel better, he’d make a giant cake with her. With chocolate, because she said that Chocolate makes everything better-ttebayo.

He’d just do what Dogface did with his other food, shove it in his pocket and sell it to his classmates. Choji said that good chocolate stuff was really expensive and that he was perfectly willing to buy cake from Mina-nee even if it was a magical knock off. Shino sometimes traded food with him too, something about his bugs liking the sugar in it.

“How much flour nee-chan? Three cups right?” He asked. Different cakes needed different amounts of flour. It was really confusing. There was one time when he didn’t add enough and the yellow cake goo stayed yellow cake goo.

“No. Two, make sure you tap the cup to get all the air out.” came the response.

The pair worked in silence, measuring and mixing for several minutes before Naruto broke the silence. “Nee-chan? Why do you like making cake so much? I know you can make lots of stuff, but we’re always baking cake.”

“... I suppose I’m a bit cruel in that regard. Trying to do what I’ve been doing” Nee-chan sighed heavily as she took her hands off the whisk. “It’s a tradition of the Patchwork crew. ”

“Really? Your Nakama?”

“Yeah. The story of how it started is kinda funny actually.” Drifted Mina.

Naruto set the can of coffee powder on the counter and crossed his arms as a pillow. Nee-chan’s stories were always really good, but sometimes they got really long.

“When I was about six I met Riddley. See, I had just become an apprentice wandmaker under my grandfather Garrick I wasn’t really allowed to work with wands yet. I had to learn how to take care of our trees and gather the wood. Seriously, picking out magical trees from boring ones isn’t really easy. I don’t mean to blow my horn but I was a natural at picking them apart.

Anyway, I met Riddley when I had to deliver the wood to his family shop, Quality Quidditch supplies -”

“Thats where you buy brooms right-ttebayo?”

“Yep. And other quidditch equipment. It’s a pretty big company. Quidditch is an international sport you know. The quaffle, bludgers, and snitches are nearly universal. Some regions don’t play on brooms though. Anyways, so I’m this little girl dragging a huge package of wood to the store and I bang on the door. The door flies open and guess what flies out of it?  A bludger.”

Naruto has never seen a bludger outside of Nee-chan’s quidditch photos but they looked really nasty. Nee-chan kept her’s locked up tight. But some nights he can hear them growling and straining to break free from their case.

“- After his mom yelled at him for letting it loose and breaking my arm he tried to make it up to me by giving me some cake. Except his mom accidentally used salt to make the cake instead of sugar.” She gagged slightly at the memory. “So imagine the prettiest strawberry shortcake you’d ever seen, being made from a can of salt.”

His mouth and nose scrunched together while his eyes bugged out of his head at the thought, then imagined their faces as they ate it. “THAT’S GROSS-TTEBAYO!”

“So his mum decided to make another one and we helped that’s how it began. We’d make cakes together every year on that day after that. Then we got better and made casseroles and any other dish that can be made from an oven. ”

“Was Riddley your boyfriend?”

She paused and looked at him strangely. “Where did that come from?”

“Uhhhh. Well some of the girls in class want Goosebutt to be their boyfriend. They’re really annoying about it. They keep giving him fancy stuff like that from kunoichi classes.”

“Oh. Well, no. He was my best friend, but he didn’t like girls.”

“Why not?” He asked. His brow furrowed in confusion.

Naruto liked girls.

Girls were pretty and they smelled nice, even if they were kind of annoying. They also wore lots of nice colors.

So what’s not to like-ttebayo?

“Beets me.” Shrugged the witch. ”Anyways, after we met the others at Hogwarts, Baking day got moved to the weekend. Then it went from his kitchen to mine since mine had room for the entire patchwork crew.”

“That’s a lot of cake-ttebayo.”

“Yeah. Baking days were a blast. We’d always eat it with ice cream from Fortescues’, sugar from Honeydukes and cookies.” She sighs and turns to look wistfully at the photo of seven friends hanging by the window.

Naruto reaches up on his tippy toes to pour what’s left of the batter into the pans before putting them all in the oven and slowly walking to join her.

It was a photo of the Patchwork crew the last time they were all alive. All seven of them were happy and smiling and waving at the camera.

Naruto kind of wants to meet Claudia. She looked just like him. Blond hair and bright blue eyes.

He kind of wants to meet Ridori too. He was Nee-chan’s best friend.

Nee-chan said that Nikita died soon after that.

Followed by Lily and Lucien.

She hadn’t heard from anyone else when her own home was attacked. Nee-chan always got real quiet after that.

Naruto’s kind of bummed that he won’t be able to meet them-ttebayo.

But at the same time he’s really glad.

He kind of hates that he feels like that but he can’t quite stop himself because he’s pretty sure that if they were around, Nee-chan wouldn’t look at him anymore.

Naruto might’ve been dead last, but he wasn’t stupid. The homework was just boring is all. The teachers also sucked and they always put him in time out the stupidest reasons. Stupid Katsumi-sensei.

Nee-chan didn’t like ninja. She was being polite about it because jiji was a ninja, and Dogface was a ninja.

Actually, a whole lot of people who came to the store were ninja. It wouldn’t be good to hate customers, that was bad for business.

He’d been so excited when Hokage-jiji let him enter the academy and Nee-chan had been happy too. She even bought him ramen to celebrate.

Of course, she didn’t know that the academy was for ninjas. Jiji said that he wouldn’t tell her but that one day he himself would have to.

She didn’t know that Hinata-chan was gonna be a ninja either.

But Naruto didn’t want to tell her.

He couldn’t tell her that he was going to school for ninjas. She’d leave him and then he’d be alone again. He didn’t want to be alone again. He didn’t want to lose his bed at the Flying Blackbird, even if it was inside a closet. It was better than his ratty futon at the orphanage and it was definitely better than the trash heap in the red light district.

Nee-chan acknowledged him and made him feel warm. She even taught him things the jiji and academy teachers couldn’t. Things like how to fix his own clothes, and make socks, and cook, and fly.

A deep gong resonates through the air from a small owl shaped clock on the wall and Nee-chan begins to take the cakes out of the oven.

Naruto begins to mash and pound the butter for the frosting so that they would decorate the cakes with the stuff. It’s almost as good as ramen but it takes so much work-ttebayo.

The continuous whipping gives him time to think of what to say. Because he has to say something-ttebayo.  The butter changes from a solid block to a smooth and fluffy consistency.

He didn’t want to.

So he won’t.

“Nee-chan? I have something important to ask you...” He takes a deep breath in preparation. He really wants to run away now-ttebayo. Like, really really wants to, but that would just be the same as Nee-chan leaving. Well, not really, but it would hurt just as much-ttebayo.

“Yes naruto?” She answers her back to him as she sorts through her drawer of decorating supplies.

“Why do you hate ninja?”

She looked startled for a moment nearly dropping the piping bag in her hand before recovering. “Where did that come from?”

“Uhhh.” He twiddled his fingers. ”Well, it’s the way you sometimes look whenever some of the customers talk about missions. You get real tense like a rabbit, and also the thing with Dogface.”

“Pulling a wand on Dogface was a terrible thing for me to do. It’s like me saying that his friendship was worth nothing to me.” She sighed heavily pausing from laying out the decorating tips to tug at her fingers. “But I don’t hate ninja. Not the people anyway. I just hate what they stand for.”  Her hands resume their previous task.

“What’s the difference?”

“The assassins from home were not separate beings. They were extensions of their master. Animals on a leash. From what I gather, it’s not too different here. Everything goes to your master. Your Hokage.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I’ll use Dogface as an example since he’s here so often. If he were, say, a merchant like me.” Mina gestures to herself. “I’m fairly certain we’d be best friends. We’d have nothing to hide save for our family secrets. But since he’s a ninja. I can’t help but wonder if know him as he is, or if the Hokage told him to act like that and become my friend.”

“Oh.”

“Also, would you honestly trust someone who’s collective lives work is to ruin other people’s lives? I’m a reasonably wealthy merchant with a lot of friends in a lot of different places. People like me tend to be the ones assassinated.”

“But Dogface wouldn’t do that!” Protested Naruto. He wouldn’t! ..... Would he? “That’s not what the academy teaches at all!”

Nee-chan smiles at him. He knows that smile. It’s the smile that she gives when she doesn’t really believe something but won’t really say anything about it. “I want to believe that. I really do. His reactions to me poking at him are definitely genuine. But… It’s hard.”

“Konoha nin are different.” He insists. Because he doesn’t know much else to say. He’s seen the blank masked ones though, and they fit Mina-nee’s description exactly.

He doesn’t want to turn into one of them. He’ll be better than just a pet. He’ll be hokage. Then he can make it so that Ninja are his friends and not like those creepy blank ones.

Maybe like dog face, but his mask isn’t really blank.

Mina shrugs and lets the topic go. She seemed worn out from everything.

“I think the cake is ready to be frosted.”

“Can we eat it when we’re done?-ttebayo?”

“Naruto, I think it’s almost morning.” There was a short pause and then she shrugged. “Why not? We should at least enjoy the chocolate cake before it turns into mocha.”

The Night sky flashed as lightning jumped down from the clouds.

Rain poured from the sky.

Two people stand in the graveyard.

One by the grave and the other in shadow.

“Rin… Sorry it’s a long time since I last came.”

He then proceeded to talk about various events that happened since the last time he visited. You could’ve mistaken him for talking to a person if not for the name on the gravestone.

“I thought I’d find you here.” Said a woman as she walked up behind him.

Upon hearing the voice from behind, Kakashi stiffens. “Yes. It’s been awhile since I’ve come to visit her.”

The two of them stand in silence and then Kakashi speaks once more. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Several things actually… to visit the restless ghosts.” She steps next to him and looks at the grave. “To repent for my sins, and-” She turns towards him. “To apologize for my comments earlier. They were cruel and unwarranted.”

“You don’t need to apologize for anything. You aren’t wrong.” He replies, opting to focus on the last part of the statement. He had no right to say anything about those other subjects. NONE. “It… is an accurate description of ANBU anyhow.”

She had nothing to say to that in response. “It was still wrong to say so out loud.” She tensed as if expecting an attack. “Running my mouth is a bad habit of mine. As is forgetting where I am.”

Indeed. Such things can and have gotten people killed over the years.

“Maa. You wouldn’t be you without your incessant, heavily accented chatter.” He chuckles. “It’s rather entertaining watching you browbeat someone into buying your goods.”

“I suppose so.” She stares at the grave stone. “I am going to walk down the main path as I always do in the rain.” Then she pulls a small savory smelling package out of her pocketbook and offers it. “For what it’s worth. Merry christmas.”

He takes the box and looks at her. “Food?”

“Well, yeah. I noticed you haven’t really been eating the cake much, So I made you something else.”

“Hmm.  This smells like it will go down much easier than those awful cakes.”

“Hey!” She protested. “My cakes are great! You’re just waiting too long to eat it. It’s not my fault this country doesn’t have coco powder, or vanilla. Transfigured stuff is nowhere near as good as the real thing. It also doesn’t last as long.”

“See Rin? ”He turns to the gravestone and gestures to the woman beside him. ”Mina still comes up with terrible excuses for her cooking. Just like Obito used to for everything else.”

“You do realize that she is not actually behind the grave right?”

“Really.” Kakashi stares at her balefully.

What would she know anyway?

“I can actually see them remember?”

OH.

“You couldn’t tell me this sooner?”

Mina shifts slightly to the side. “What could I have said to someone talking to a grave? ‘She isn’t actually there by the way, but you don’t need to be embarrassed about talking to a stone with words on it?’ Kakashi, I am english , not a boor.”

“Point to you.” Kakashi nodded. “Why did you tell me then?”

“Because you already know.” Came the reply.

The two of them stood in quiet companionship in the rain.

“I only ever see you here in the rain. Why is that?”

“They almost look alive. The ghosts I mean.” She waves at figures only she could see. “The rain sort of goes around them. I can pretend that they’re not angry at me, for not putting them to rest properly.”

“I don’t think they would hold that against you. You said that you were being attacked at the time.”

“The sweetest lies are the best poison I suppose.” Shrugged Mina. “It doesn’t change that my Grandfather would’ve come back to a broken home full of dead bodies.”

He had a look of curiosity on his face. Kakashi probably could’ve prodded and rooted about for more information, but he refrained from doing so. He was a shinobi. He would respect someone else’s secrets. God knows he has plenty of things he won’t talk about regarding his family.

“Heard anything more from Rin?” He asks in a blatant attempt to change the subject.

Mina looks at him, grateful for the subject change. She twirls her finger once, ending with the index finger pointed up at the sky. “No. The natural chakra in the area makes it hard for me to hear them. She looks happy though, watching you and someone else.”

Kakashi seems to pause while digesting the comment “Aa. I see. Thank you.”

Her finger stays pointed in the air as she glances between a spot by a flower bush, Kakashi, and himself in the shadows.

Her gaze lingers at the shadows for a moment, her brow creasing slightly in confusion.

Could she see-?

“Hey Kakashi.”

“Hm?”

“You always ask me about her. Were you close?”

Kakashi noted that the finger was still pointing up. He raised an eyebrow.

“Somewhat. It was more of a promise...” He began. His mind drifting back to that awful day. “-that I couldn’t keep.”   

What ever Kakashi was thinking, it was interrupted by a pinch to his elbow. “What was that for?”

“I just realized something.” The witch pointed at the tree as she took in its actual height. “I just noticed how tall the tree was.”

“...Yes? What about it?”

“We are in the middle of a thunderstorm. What are the odds that lightning will strike it instead of us?”

Kakashi huffed in amusement. “Not very. Trust me on that.”

“You are a lightning elemental. Wouldn’t it be attracted to you for that?”

“Nah. It would be my electric personality. Or your finger.”

Mina blinked as if she had forgotten that she was still pointing her finger. “Oh, right. I forgot.”

Rin must be rolling in her grave watching these two.

“Well, if you’re sure.” Mina reaches into her pocket book again and pulls out a rather ornate wooden box and carefully set it down in front of Rin’s grave. She pulled a rod out from her sleeve and tapped it twice.

The water, which would’ve ruined the wood as well as the delicate mechanisms inside began to fly around it instead, surrounding the box in a rather elegant display.

A slow quiet melody began to play.

It was a slow solemn tune. It spoke of joy, and sadness, and times long past.

It called forth memories that no one wanted to remember.

Rocks falling.

Chidori.

Rin…

“An enchanted music box?” Asked Kakashi. His voice was thick with... something. His entire body taut with tension.

He wasn’t the only one being affected by the box.

“No… It’s just Canon in c. My mother played the piano growing up. We had to take lessons. This was the song that she played the most.” Sighed the witch. “I hope the ghosts like the music.”

“I think they will.”

The witch bows her head in silent prayer for a few moments before leaving the graveyard.

Kakashi stares after her for a few moments. He looks down at the box of food she has given him. She must’ve enchanted it so that it stayed warm as there was still steam coming from it. “Roasted eggplant huh.”

Then he is gone in a flutter of leaves.

And the music box continues to play.

Rin would’ve liked it. She loved beautiful things. It would’ve made her smile. He would do anything to make her smile.

A masked man phases out of the shadow like a phantom in the night, and spirits away the music box, not unlike a cat with a canary.

A witch huh.

Could be useful.

Chapter Text

"So let me get this straight? Hokage-sama wants me teach a witch."

"Yes. Well, train." Corrected Kurenai.

"And he's willing to pay for it."

"Yes."

"And you are the first candidate."

"Yes."

"WHY." she squawked.

"You are more qualified than anyone else in Fire country. Plus, You've already agreed to teach certain spells to people."

Mina's hands went to pinch the bridge of her nose while Kurenai stood awkwardly at the counter. She watched curiously as the witch walked to the window where a hideous moving plant grew and plucked off a large leaf. The witch then dipped the leaf into a shimmering grey solution and shoved it into her mouth.

They had been going around in circles for the last ten minutes with Kurenai requesting a mentorship and Oribanda denying qualifying for it. Kurenai had been to the shop numerous times and perhaps it was bias or lack of experience on her part, but the woman at the counter was definitely a capable witch.

Kurenai swirled her tea for a few moments before taking a sip.

Frankly, the idea of someone who could summon any animal, telekinetically command objects, and teleport from place to place, was terrifying for ninja.

Of course they would be interested in learning it.

If she could pick up something, anything at all, it would net her a promotion, like it did to Ebisu when he finally mastered the the light spell.

Though, hopefully she would be able to learn more than one spell, preferably without a wand. Hokage-sama seemed willing to negotiate the terms of what was taught.

"I don't recall ever letting you try out a wand. Why are you the top candidate?"

"My chakra reserves are much smaller than those of my male colleagues. It was theorized that it would be safer for me to learn magic. Also when I was 4 my eyes turned red during a riot and no explanations have been found."

"So, possible accidental magic." The witch nodded as she spoke. "Interesting."

As many accidents could tell. Magic and chakra sometimes went well, but did not mix. If anything, they displaced each other. Attempts to combine them were often met with erratic side effects ranging from something as mundane as hallucinations, pain, and nausea to the more exotic ones like, growing extra limbs, liquefying body parts, and partial transformations.

Those were just the ones that R & D thought to tell the candidates.

Kurenai shuddered to think what they weren't telling them.

"Another question. Why couldn't this wait until after my holidays?"

"It wasn't supposed to become public knowledge."

"Your out of luck on that one. I can't leave the shop alone and I am not hiring ninja for mage work. If someone is getting trained it WILL be during store hours." The witch crossed her arms. "Unless your boss is willing to pay me for all the lost profits."

Given that the Flying blackbird generates more profit than any other shop in Konoha, that's not likely to happen without a serious economical crash. "I'll let Homage-sama know." On the other hand, she was talking logistics rather than possibilities, which meant that she was more or less considering it.

"But I do think he will agree to cover any expenses and work you need while you train a witch."

"Pfah" Snorted the witch. "I doubt anyone could handle the workload without my skills. Give me a few hours to finish my arithmancy for this year's odds and I'll work something out."

It shouldn't be that hard to run a shop between half a dozen ninja.

"Very well." Agreed Kurenai.

It wasn't long before the shop had been straightened up.

It also wasn't long before someone had to go to the hospital for a concussion, much to Kurenai's dismay. "What the hell was that?" She demanded as the medics patched up the poor ninja. "She told me she disabled all of her booby traps!"

"I recall Naruto mentioning that his Nee-chan had some sport equipment that would attack people?" Shrugged Kakashi.

"Why would she keep something like that? Shouldn't she at least try to fix them?"

"Well, they're supposed to do that and she's quite good at dodging them."

"I'm starting to wonder if her ditziness is from being a witch or from continuous brain trauma."

Kakashi paused on the windowsill "I wouldn't be that surprised if the former was true," his mask twisted as his expression changed from his usual aloofness "Now that you mention it you might be onto something there."

Kurenai buried her face into her hands as she realized the insanity she had jumped into. Oh well, at least she was guaranteed a stable salary.

...

The idea of learning magic being classified as a B-rank solely for the danger seemed a little overboard. At least until Kurenai read all the accounts of grotesque transformations that couldn't be reversed. Oribanda-san had admitted first hand that she was no medical witch and had no experience undoing the security measures on her shop.

Then again, considering the number of dangerous things in the Flying Blackbird and Oribanda's blase attitude regarding them, it might actually be valid. Kurenai really didn't want to find out what being forcibly turned into an inanimate object felt like. Though something like that would be a great boon in her area of specialty.

Infiltrating enemy positions would be a breeze if she could disguise herself as a scroll or something similar.

Of course, there's the ever growing worry that taking magic lessons would turn her into a ditz. Kurenai once overheard Yamanaka Inoichi mutter something about cognitive dissonance being an adaptation to the terrors of magic. Or you know, dying in the process of learning. But the traditional way of climbing ranks wasn't as effective due to bias against kunoichi.

She wasn't too sure about what to make of it. But given the amount of times she'd been attacked by a book for reading too long without paying the fee, she would not be surprised if it turned out to be true.

At any rate, she had spent a good chunk of time in the hospital. The witch should be done with her duties by now, or at the very least, uncluttered enough to have a rudimentary curriculum worked out for her.

Kurenai checked once more to make sure that no one was seriously hurt and disappeared in a flurry of leaves back to the Flying Blackbird.

The sun had begun to set at this point and she spied the Jinchuuriki walking with the Hyuuga heiress away from the store. Once upon a time Kurenai would've been alarmed. Hinata had always been a little nervous after the kidnapping attempt. The naturally stiff nature of her clan hadn't helped. But the girl looked so happy being friends with the jinchuuriki that she really wasn't in any position to complain about it.

Uchiha Shisui was there to greet her when she walked in through the door. "Hey there Kurenai-san! Mina-san is almost finished. She'll be with you shortly. Want any tea while you wait?"

"Sure." She nodded and sat down to wait with a cup of black tea.

A few minutes later the witch made an appearance. Her fingers were stained with ink and she looked rather disheveled. She had a rather pensive look on her face.

"Hey Mina-san!" Called Shisui "How are the odds this year?"

"Very strange." Replied Oribanda. "The odds of someone getting a flying monkey one top of them are very good. So are the odds of a conspiracy forming, me getting a break through, and something about one of my friends getting in touch with their feminine side."

Kurenai couldn't showing her own confusion on her face. Flying monkeys? Conspiracies? How did she get these things from math equations?

She also saw Shisui's eyes widen at the mention of a conspiracy. Interesting.

"A flying monkey? That sounds like one of your really weird dreams." Snickered Shisui "Someone is probably going to be spending a lot of time under a henge this year."

"Indeed. Plus things are so weird here, I wouldn't be surprised if there were indeed flying monkeys that liked to land on people." Oribanda stopped pacing for a moment and stared at Shisui for a moment before smiling brightly. "Well, you do have some very girly eyelashes. Shall I buy you a dress?"

"Mina NO! I don't want a dress!" Shisui flailed in alarm. Before stopping adopting a sneaky expression "Why don't you go and dress up Dogface or something. I'm sure he'd look great in a dress."

The witch stopped and actually thought for a few moments before chuckling. Then she seemed to realize that Kurenai was in the same room and turned to face her. "I apologize. I do not believe I can truly train you. We do not think in the same language and that is a very large obstacle. If I had a way to contact home that may change."

Kurenai tried not to show her disappointment.

She'd really been hoping to get some sort of edge on the competition. Or at least get some way of proving them that she did NOT get to her position by sleeping her way to the top. Damn bas-

"But don't worry. Until then, I'll just point you the right way. I can at least try to teach you spell theory and maybe make you something to channel it with."

Well, she would take what she can get. There must be something that she could get from studying magic. At the very least she could sell her notes to Research and development for a large sum of money. "That's fine Oribanda-san. Where should I start?"

The witch smiled brightly at her before magically tossing a stack of heavy books at her. "I've rewritten what I can remember from my first year magical theory notes as well as translated some metaphysics."

Kurenai stared at the books in dismay. How on earth was she going to find the time to go through all the notes? She had bills she needed to pay and that meant missions on the side. One B-ranked mission would normally over everything she needed for a while but that was because she hadn't needed to pay her rent. Also, what on earth did metaphysics have to do with magic?

She thumbed through some of the pages and to her relief, it was mostly in kana with relatively few kanji. Made sense seeing as Oribanda wasn't from the elemental nations originally. Many of the terms were unfamiliar to her but that the witch had been willing to translate and rewrite things into japanese was still worthy of gratitude. "Thank you very much Oribanda-san" She bowed in response.

"It's not a big deal. Just let me know when you get through with everything." Chirped the witch.

Naturally as with just about every other thing in her career it went belly up just as she was getting accustomed to it.

It was the dead of night when the more unpleasant thoughts always rose.

Sadness, regret, rage. All of them were laid bare in the light of the moon.

Amidst the light shining from her cauldron and the mage circle on the ground, a witch pondered her current place in life.

Naruto still hadn't found a permanent place to live. It's not a problem right now but once he outgrows the space in the closet he'll have to sleep in the bathtub. She hadn't tried to give him her room ever since the first night, where he became violently ill after the security charms and barriers surrounding her space mysteriously failed several hours after they both fell asleep.

Kakashi still kept coming by and it was always a delight to poke at him. His dogs were also a delight to pet and talk to. Though she did jump at seeing a pack of dogs in vests scattered throughout the store first thing in the morning. She'll have to get him back for that one.

Shisui was showing up less and less often. He seemed to be under a lot of stress. She tried to ask him several times but he wouldn't talk about it. Drastic measures may become an option in the future.

Then there were the customers.

Mina was typically neutral to all her customers.

There were some she liked.

Hinata was always welcome. She was cute as a button, even if her eyes were kind of creepy.

The Nara's were almost always here for a game of chess. They only showed up around closing time, but usually helped get the store back in order when the game was finished. Akimichi's too, but they came mostly for the food she sometimes gave out. Choza had once spent a week badgering her for a cheesecake recipe. Shibi and Inoichi occasionally came by with their children to purchase various plants she grew. Sometimes they would just trade plants. Small children often came by to have her fix broken vases and such.

The Hyuuga and the Uchiha always seemed to find her a personal affront to their existence for some odd reason. They didn't come to the store very often so it didn't really matter much.

Then there were the nobles.

Ever since she helped the Daimyo's wife repair her carriage (reparo) the woman and her friends had decided that the entire purpose of the shop was to serve their needs and entertain them. After the first 'tea party' she had taken to slowly cranking up the temperature until the interior of the shop was hotter than the desert in the middle of july. She blamed it on faulty runes.

Stupid nobles.

What's worse, she couldn't actually say anything about it.

It's bad form to let personal feelings get involved with business after all and you can't always pick your venue. Plus it would put her mysterious store persona in jeopardy.

She hadn't made up her mind about Kurenai though.

Kurenai was a regular patron of the Flying Blackbird. She often came to browse some of the translated books (50 ryo per hour of reading), drink tea (free), and eat cauldron cakes (200 ryo for a package of six).

The female ninja had an almost regal bearing that brought forth a great deal of nostalgia. She was very much like Claudia.

And like Genevieve.

Mina was a bit scatterbrained.

She had no qualms about admitting it.

She would rather bounce between working on many things at once. It worked for her, even if it raised a few eyebrows. There was a reason she was the most versatile wood crafter in the family. Magic staffs, rings, tables, even wardrobes. You name it, and she could build it.

She just alternated between crafting wands and using the scrap wood to make her little knick nacks.

But none of those things had to be strung with a magical core though. An act that needed extreme precision and allowed for no room for error.

It was why her sister, Genevieve, had been the better wand maker. She had always been better at the smaller details.

That isn't to say she couldn't make good wands, just that her sister made better ones, faster.

Genevieve had crafted wands with a singular focus that only been seen from Grandfather Garrick. Her's were almost always store worthy.

She was the heir and thus the most valued person, the priority.

The younger more annoying one naturally got shoved to the back burner. There was no point in hoping for change so she never bothered to talk about her wishes once she realized that.

Naturally, they were rather distant. Something that they were both proud of in spite of all the scoldings and comments.

Even in Hogwarts, Mina had always been compared to Genevieve everywhere she went.

Until her second year, where she'd finally been allowed to join the clubs she wanted.

Dueling club for Nikita, who had wanted to be a professional duelist. Muggle association, for Lily and Claudia so they could be home away from home.

Quidditch. Quidditch was where she came into her own. She became a hufflepuff chaser and eventually the captain in her fifth year. Playing against her childhood friend Riddley Wolfe, the slytherin keeper had gotten her noticed.

The forgotten second daughter of a wand making family, became a quidditch star with her friends by her side.

For the first time in her life, Guillermina Olivander was herself and not the replacement.

She wasn't just Genevieve's plain little sister.

After that, it didn't really matter that the Olivander sisters weren't close. Genevieve the ravenclaw was the quieter, more studious one who always got the best marks and had people asking her out. She was the elegant princess whom everyone admired.

Mina was the more upbeat and outgoing one, who did well despite her unconventional answers and surrounded by her friends. She was the odd one, the crazy one. The one who everyone was friends with.

The distance that separated the two sisters went from being a large gap to an impassable canyon with this development. It only got worse as time went on.

The two of them became virtual strangers with two completely separate lives even with the ache that the other left inside of them.

Lily, who was friends with both Genevieve and herself always seemed so sad whenever the two of them were in the same room. She had a similar relationship with her own sister, Petunia which she regretted but couldn't fix. She'd tried several times to reconcile them both, but nothing ever came of it. Neither party had been interested.

Until one day during the beginning of her sixth year when Genevieve came to her.

"Mina. It has been a while since we have last spoken."

"Yeah. During your seventh year."

The two girls stood in awkward silence.

Then Mina asked. "Do you need something from me?" Because she was the second. If the future head of House Ollivander wanted something, it was her duty to get it.

Genevieve shifted from side to side in discomfort. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" Blinked Mina.

"Be friends with everyone."

"Er…." That threw the younger girl for a loop. Her sister was asking HER advice? "Well, I just talk really."

"About what?"

"Things I like. Quidditch, dueling, oobleck, quality potion ingredients and substitutions, drawing-" Prattled Mina

The elder wand maker cocked her head in confusion. "What is oobleck?"

"OH! It's the most interesting thing in the world! See, Claudia told me that if you mixed cornstarch and water you could make this thing called a non-newtonian fluid. It's gooey if you touch it but solid if you punch it!"

Genevieve blinked and leaned forward in interest. "Truly? I thought muggles couldn't do magic."

"Well according to Claudia it works like this..."

It was the first conversation that felt natural in a long time.

Kurenai coming to her had reminded her of the day she started becoming friends again with her sister.

Then it happened and she was left with the legacy of her dead family, an imperioused sister that she had to mercy kill, and an ugly magical scar on her back.

Mina dismissed her thoughts with a shake of her head. It was dangerous to be distracted when casting. Especially for something as dangerous as this.

It had been years since she got Sirius to talk about being an animagus. Years since she studied self transfiguration under Mcgonagall.

She'd never got to finish the mentorship either.

Sirius was locked up for something Peter had done and she would probably never see him again.

Still, the potion was the right color. The magic circle she'd drawn was precise. She still had the same mandrake leaf in her mouth.

She could at least keep their memory close by joining them as an animagus.

Carpe diem.

Seize the day.

No time like the present to take the plunge.

She waved her wand and began to cast.

Kakashi had no idea what to make of the present situation.

The shop was eerily quiet after the events of this afternoon and he wasn't quite sure what to feel about it.

It had been about months after Kurenai had become a student at the shop and while he wouldn't say she became a regular visitor, she did show up once every three days rather than once a week like she used to. She would take the chair across from him at the table in the shop and drink tea while she went through the notes given to her.

Sometimes he would look at them over her shoulder, just to see if he could try and understand what went on in the little shop that had abruptly planted itself in his life.

And also maybe the witch who had maybe wormed her way past his walls.

As always, He had no such luck. The level of abstract thinking involved in magic was so different from what he was used to that it became a nearly insurmountable obstacle. Even the advanced principles of sealing couldn't compare to it. Though from what he could gather, magic was effectively bits and pieces of thoughts gathered from the spirit and the air, directed by the mind a manner similar to calculating a spiral.

Naruto would bring Hinata into the shop after the academy ended. The kids would greet the two of them at the table and Mina behind the counter before grabbing some snacks (magically sliced fruit and ice mice) and rushing back outside to play in the knot grass. Then they would run back inside to pester him to teach them a 'cool jutsu' or politely request advice from Mina and Kurenai.

After everything was over and done with, Mina would offer her strangely delicious english dinners which would be declined sometimes by Kurenai or often by Hinata. Then either the Kunoichi or sensei's son would walk her back to the Hyuuga estate.

It was a comforting routine that had been soothing for him when ever he came back from a difficult mission.

Nothing really unusual.

Until one day he came back from a short assassination mission to find Mina in the back yard, on the ground in a semi-conscious state, feverishly babbling away. Naruto was by her side feebly trying to get her on her feet.

Naruto was in tears because he had tried to ask someone from the hospital to help her and they only kicked him out.

He carefully checked the area but couldn't see any signs of foul play and he knew that despite what most people thought, Mina wasn't actually reckless with her potions or her health. It wasn't like her to end up in such a state.

So how did she get this way?

Sometimes the symptoms are a clue in an of itself, except Mina was alternating between hysterical crying that she'd failed and manic giggling that she'd succeeded.

"Hey Dogface! Whats wrong with Nee-chan? Why's she like that? Is she gonna die? Please don't let her die!" Naruto wailed in the background.

"Naruto. Calm down." He commanded. "Panicking won't be any help and you might miss something important." He watched as the boy attempted to calm himself. "Deep slow breaths Naruto."

Eventually the boy calmed himself to an acceptable degree.

"Now I want you to tell me something."

"'Kay."

"What was she doing last night?"

"Uhh. She was busy doin' something with a potion."

That's… Not very helpful. "Go on."

"And then she chanted something over the pot."

"Okay?"

"And then she told me to go to bed."

"That's…." He tried not to show how much the lack of detail bothered him. No sense getting upset over something that can't be helped. "Hmmm…."

"Nee-chan will be fine right?" Begged Naruto as he started to cry again. "I'm sorry I don't know more!"

Of course he'd forgotten that Naruto was much more sensitive to disappointment and would probably pick up on it. Maybe he should try and comfort the boy. Mina was probably the largest and most reliable source of warmth and love for the boy in the village after all.

"Mah. Well I know that she'd probably planned this to some extent. Which means she probably has notes somewhere." Kakashi gently picked her up, bridal style and began walking to the stairway when something occurred to him. Given her past behavior towards ANBU, ninja, and to a degree himself, it was very likely that she had some sort of barrier separating the shop from her home.

He doubted that she was telling the truth about the runes she carved into the walls.

Given what tends to happen to intruders he should probably have Naruto let him in. Being cut into pieces and kept alive in spite of that does not sound appealing in the slightest. "Naruto? Can you let me upstairs? I want to put Mina back into her bed without getting jinxed into pieces."

Mina twitched slightly, as if she was laughing in mind but not in body. Her eyes held a spark of amusement though they stared at nothing in particular.

Well, at least she wasn't totally lost in her head.

Naruto nodded and immediately went to lead him upstairs and down a hall.

As he went up the stairs he couldn't help but notice that the paintings on the walls were creepy as fuck. It was like they were all staring at them.

He could've sworn that some of them were moving from the corner of his eye, the smiles turning into glares. Probably best not to think about it.

Mina was lighter than she should be, and also a little cooler. A lack of chakra probably meant that her temperature was lower than his own but the weight was a cause for concern. He was fairly certain that a grown woman should weigh more than a mid sized dog but Mina was no heavier than Naruto.

Her skin lacked the color that it normally did. If anything it had an awful iridescent shine that was wholly unnatural on a human being.

He could feel the tension leaving her body as he moved.

Kakashi made a note to look up the symptoms once he got back.

"Nee-chan's room is right here. The others are closets so don't go in there."

"Alright. Thanks Naruto." He replied and went into the room.

The first thing he did was tuck Mina under the covers.

Once that was accomplished he decided to take a look around her bedroom.

The room itself was very tidy but extremely cluttered. Every available space had something in it. The walls were full of strange diagrams involving various trees, cauldrons, and something that looked like an ugly baby with roots for hands and leaves growing out of its head.

The shelves were loaded with books, cutting tools, and photos of her childhood. She was noticeably happier in her school photos than in her family ones. Most of the school pictures had them all flying about on broom sticks

Her bedside table held a black and yellow winged badge that read Hufflepuff Captain.

He wasn't sure what the words meant, but he suspected it had something to do with kui-dichu.

Her desk was filled with notes and Kakashi was almost certain that something nasty would happen if tried to peer at its contents. The strange energy he had come to associate with Mina and her store radiating in extremely large amounts from the desk. It prickled and buzzed like an angry Aburame unlike the slower whirring sensations from downstairs.

The room also smelled like her. Earthy. Woody. A sort of sweet spiciness, bleeding into each other like the ingredients of the potions she makes.

Yet there was something else there that wasn't quite natural yet not unnatural either.

Crisp, fresh like the sky, and indescribably female.

Intoxicating.

Whoops.

He blinked.

….

Well it's true.

As interesting the room was, he did not belong here.

This was the home of a civilian. A simple, if extraordinary shopkeeper. The amount of clutter limited movement. Plus having only one exit is a poor idea and can turn a safe haven into a death trap.

The paintings in the hallway were definitely looking at him through the door and it gave him the creeps. Honestly it was more unsettling than the time Gai switched to wearing a neon green mini dress.

He gently pressed his hand onto her forehead again to check if there was any change in her status.

But there wasn't.

Chapter Text

It was about seven in the morning when Naruto flipped the sign on the shop door from Closed to Open. The sun was rising, and Nee-chan was cooking breakfast. Oh, and goosehead came inside and started sweeping the floor.

Naruto had always been an early riser. In the orphanage, it meant that he could sneak food from the kitchen before the keeper could forget to wake him up. On the streets, it meant that he could rummage through trash for food without having sake bottles and other things thrown at him. Sometimes he would wait at the playground for someone to play with him.

It always signaled a day of hard work and loneliness for him.

But in the Flying Blackbird? Waking up early just meant that someone had to open the store while the other person made a fry. Nothing more. It was so different from before that he still had a hard time believing it.

Up until a week ago, this ritual consisted of someone frying something and throwing it over their shoulder while the other ran about the kitchen with a giant platter to catch it-ttebayo. It was like racing with the keeper to get to the food, but way way more fun!

He didn’t know how to make a fry, so whenever he cooked, it was always a bit of sliced fruit fried in butter.

Now? It didn’t even matter if he got up first. Mina-nee kept pushing him out of the kitchen blandly explaining that the kitchen was no place for children. Her movements were stiffer, like if she got ran over with a horse cart-ttebayo.

He would know. He was too stiff to move for a week and one of the painted masked guys had to feed him after the hospital kicked him out.

Her face too, had become real stiff. Like she forgot how to smile and stuff. It was a little weird to watch and he wasn’t sure what to make of it.

The witch mechanically shuffled out from the back of the shop with a large platter of fried eggs, toast, tomatoes, beans, sausages, bacon, and potatoes. She set it on the table and took her place behind the counter.

“Good morning Uchiha-san. Krrr” She said. Her pose didn’t change when she continued to speak though she eyed the shiny hitai-ate with a weird interest. “What brings you here today?”

Itachi paused in his sweeping and stared for a moment before bowing slightly. “Good morning Oribanda-san. I am here for my package.”

Mina-nee nodded and shuffled back into the kitchen, only to return, moments later with a paper bag.

Itachi took it, thanked her and walked outside before disappearing in a flash of leaves.

Nee-chan stared at the door for a few moments before turning back to the kitchen.

Maybe she would be more… normal if he told her something cool, like in the stories

“Hey nee-chan guess what?” He chirped.

“Krrr.” The woman hummed absentmindedly but otherwise didn’t respond.

“Nee-chan?”

Mina-nee turned to him with a wooden smile. “What is it Naruto?”

“I got first place in the academy obstacle course.”

“Krr that’s!......” Her expression twisted in confusion. As though she knew she was excited but completely confused as to why she should be. It looked like remembered a few moments later though. “... Great! I’ll make your favorite tonight!”

Then she sort of hopped and fluttered back into the kitchen leaving Naruto alone with his thoughts.

If this happened to Jiji, Hinata, or Kiba it would be bloody creepy-ttebayo.  But Mina-nee always acted different at the counter. She was usually calm and mysterious and happy and nothing in the world could make her mad when she was working.

Actually, that wasn’t true-ttebayo. Sometimes she would act creepy on purpose to get the not-customers to leave.

She hates it when people come into the store for the sole purpose of eating the snacks she puts out and drinking tea. She says they push out paying customers with their noise and do nothing but leave behind messes for her to clean up. Not to mention she usually loses money because no one else wants to come inside when the store is packed. That’s really bad for business-ttebayo.

A lot of them are snooty civilians that harass him when he goes out to buy ninja supplies-ttebayo. Shisui-nii says they’re hypocrites, whatever that meant, and Dogface agreed. He’d buy regular hunting stuff, but the guy the counter kept skipping him when he tried to pay so he stopped going there.

There was also a time when Mina-nee tried to set up a delivery service. People were glad for it since a lot of them didn’t like the snarling sounds that came from behind the shop -ttebayo.  Of course business dropped to the pits once they realized that it would be him and not Shisui doing the deliveries.

He still did them, but only on the weekends and for people like the Inuzukas, who want Nee-chan’s stuff but didn’t like the smells of her potion ingredients.

The mysterious shopkeeper all knowing act was really weird to watch. Kinda funny too since nee-chan isn’t actually like that.

Nee-chan always dropped the act when she wasn’t at the counter though so this was definitely not normal. The weird chirp growl in some of the sentences was new.

Still, Naruto wasn’t too worried though, Mina-nee still cries a little at night. The little things still make her happy. She’s still there. She’s just kinda stuck in her head. Inoichi-san can fix her. She’ll see him on friday to get everything straightened out. Then everything will go back to normal-ttebayo.

Nee-chan always finds a way to move past things, which is pretty awesome and he kinda wants to be like that. Maybe without the new obsession with glass figures and jewels though. That was just weird-ttebayo.

He tried to ask Dogface what happened, but the ANBU guy didn’t know any more than he did. Aside from the fact that it wasn’t sabotage. The only way into the building, was through the store entrance and trying to get in any other way would only end in tears. He broke curfew once and snuck in through the window. Half way through he felt his skin burning and tearing.

It was a bloody awful mess-ttebayo. It took forever to get all the blood off his clothes and he could still remember the lecture she gave him while she had him sit in the essence of murtlap.

Bugger! It’s almost 8! He was gonna be late for class!

Naruto quickly shoved his messy, half made lunch into a take out box and ran out of the shop at full speed.

He regretted not making his lunch last night and setting it aside. It would’ve taken less time in the morning. Mina-nee was probably going to chew him out for it later but right now he needed food to share at lunch time. Naruto shoved some of the breakfast from the tray haphazardly into a bento and ran out the door.

Now he wouldn’t be able to check his traps without being really late for the academy. He was almost certain that one of them had something big in it. He could hear it snarl as he ran past. He just hoped it would still be there by the time he got back. Sometimes his traps would be cleared away while he was at school and that was bad-ttebayo. It’s not like he could just go and buy supplies.

Naruto turned the corner and saw that the academy gates were still open but one of the teachers was moving to close it.

Good-ttebayo. That meant he still had time to get to class. With that thought in mind he sprinted as fast as he could and dashed inside before the Chuunin could lock him out. He made it to the desk just as Iruka-sensei started passing out the tests.

Today’s test was supposed to really important-ttebayo. Hinata-chan he’d be held back if he skipped it and he really didn’t want that. Iruka sensei would call Mina-nee to talk and then she would find out his secret and that would make her mad and she would leave him.

He didn’t want her to leave- ttebayo.

Iruka-sensei gave him a rude look before giving him his test and moving on to the next person.

Naruto liked Iruka-sensei more than the other teachers. Just a little bit. He was a bit mean but he was fair. He couldn’t get away with pantsing Mizuki-sensei any more than Kiba can. It was a weird feeling to suddenly be equal to someone outside of Nee-chan’s store.

At least Iruka-sensei helped him when ever he asked instead of just berating him for not knowing something stupid. Nee-chan said that being professional was the mark of a good worker.

Naruto looked down at the exam, taking a glance at the questions to see if they answered each other. Nee-chan said that it happened sometimes and it helped a bunch whenever it did.

But it looked like Iruka-sensei was aware of things like that too and there were no such  questions on the exam. That was fine, it was still Naruto’s best subject.

It was about traps and hand to hand combat and it would be really embarrassing if he didn’t do well-ttebayo.

-List the knots that can be used to make an emergency shelter in the forest.

Naruto thought back to the time when he and Hinata made their own little fort with shoelaces, reeds, and some giant sticks. They had used leafy branches and old bed sheets for the roof and walls.

Some civilian jerks came and kicked it down but it was still fun to make.-ttebayo

He quickly wrote down the knots they used before he forgot them.

• list a hunting trap and explain how it can be modified to capture an enemy nin.

Dogface and Shisui had taught him almost every thing he knew about traps and ninja tools. They even bought a ninja kit for him to practice. They understood about keeping it all a secret from Mina-nee and said they would support him. It was so much fun spending all those hours in the woods setting up snares and pitfalls and then eating his catches. They told him that just about every trap can be changed for any circumstance, even if they won’t show him the thing with tags.

He wants to catch a deer in the fall. Nee-chan said that she missed eating venison over winter and he was going to get her one even if he had to brow beat Iruka-sensei into helping him. Hinata-chan said it would be a good birthday present-ttebayo!

There were too many traps and modifications for him to choose from. He’ll just skip it and come back to it later.

• List the targets of the body in hand to hand combat.

Surprisingly, it was Mina-nee offered to teach him how to fight.

“Uhhhhhh. Nee-chan?”

“Yes?” Replies the witch as she corrected his aim. “What is it?”

“I thought you didn’t like fighting.” He held the stance for a few moments before dropping it. “So why...” He trailed off not really knowing if he should continue or if it would just make her upset like during kurisumasu. He had been pretty sure that she wouldn’t attack him but sometimes her magic would flair and it always gave this incredibly uneasy feeling in his gut.

“Just because I don’t like fighting doesn’t mean I can’t. For an underage wizard it’s pretty much a necessity since we can’t use magic to defend ourselves in public.” She patted the dust off her dress and pulled out her wand out to vanish the mud. “Most old wizard families teach their children how to fight hand to hand.”

His brow furrowed in confusion. “Tha’s a pretty dumb rule-ttebayo. How’re you supposed to practice outside of school without a wand?”

“I think it just meant that you were supposed to practice magic at home with your parents watching. But the children from old families tended to get kidnapped, like how your friend Hinata did.” She shrugged. Mina-nee then proceeded to rattle off a list of other people she knew that had been mugged, nearly abducted, beaten in alleyways, or broken into shops. “That’s another thing actually. Spells cause way more collateral damage than a good punch to the throat.”

“But can’t you just do the thing with your hand-ttebayo?”

“Not if I don’t want a record of property damage. Which I don’t” Mina crossed her arms. “Now. What are the most effective places to hit?”

Oh he knew the answer to this one. Naruto put his pencil to the paper and began to write.

The eyes ‘cos they’re squishy and people mostly depend on their eyes. The throat next because people use it to breathe and choke in blood of the soft bone breaks. A choke hold around the neck too if it’s possible. Nee-chan says the brain needs air so even if the person can still breathe if pressure is kept up they will pass out and die. Then the part between the ribs. That part is where a lot of important things cross.

Naruto isn’t sure how long he’s been writing, but Iruka-sensei comes for the tests before he knows it and Naruto leaves for the day.

Hinata had Kunoichi classes and she promised to teach him the secret flower messages-ttebayo. Those sound so cool and he almost wished he was a girl so that he could join her. Nee-chan grows some scary things but all of them are pretty obvious and that wasn’t good for a ninja-ttebayo.

He can’t wait until they start teaching chakra, then he could hide and buy his own groceries without needing to go into the training grounds!

Hinata smiles sadly at him when he tells her this. She always does, but it’s not her fault the village hates him. She doesn’t need to be sad.

Oh. Now she’s going to be sad through the Kunoichi courses. Maybe he should’ve told her that after her class. That probably would’ve been better.

In the meantime, he’ll go to check his traps and then he could tell her what he’s caught. He hopes they’re still there.

Naruto doesn’t see that Iruka had been looking at his test paper and peering at him curiously.

Iruka had always wanted to be a teacher at the academy.

Even before the Kyuubi.

He’d like to think that he had gotten pretty good at catching cheaters. Cheating was only allowed for certain kinds of questions. The kids were training to be ninja after all, it wouldn’t do to punish all types of cheating, but somethings are absolutely mandatory. Like the survival questions.

The majority of his class had given simple answers. Some of them were wrong but all of them age appropriate.

Some of the clan kids like Sasuke, Hinata, and Shino had given more details but that was to be expected.

He did NOT expect the monster of a paper that Naruto had handed in. Some of the history questions had silly doodles in them but the rest of the test had been crammed full of characters. Even the margins had been filled.

The Kyuubi brat who skipped out on classes to prank the teachers and often slept through what he hadn’t skipped, had given chuunin level answers. Many of the words had been misspelled but the information was still there.

Where did it come from? Where did he get this level of information? Iruka knew that the academy only taught the basics of trapping. There was nothing about using live vipers in any sort of trap, nor was anything taught about creating facades using the corpses of animals and occasional enemy shinobi. The second topic was rarely broached due to the time and skills needed for it.

Naruto certainly couldn’t have gotten it from the school library. No. Much too hazardous. The level of information on traps and poisons wouldn’t be there. Students would be tempted to try and replicate the descripted traps only to kill themselves horribly when it went wrong. The same went with poisons, and the aforementioned viper trap.

He must’ve gotten it from the Ninja library then. The problem with that is that it was most definitely banned to anyone under the rank of genin and even then, you needed at least a year’s worth of experience.

Iruka was embarrassed and a little ashamed to admit he was going to punish Naruto for cheating. There was nothing wrong with sneaking into classified data as shinobi are often asked to retrieve valuables and classified documents. Sneaking was good training for such missions, but some of the materials are incredibly dangerous in the wrong hands and a lack of common sense was certainly a good reason for detention.

Hearing Naruto’s conversation with Hinata stopped him in his tracks.

Naruto was hunting for his own food! That explained just about everything. His frequent absences, chronic tardiness, ownership of dangerous materials, and his habit of losing books were probably the result of him spending most of his time looking for food.

It also explained his lack of social skills, although the witch seemed to be helping with that.

Then again maybe not, she was extremely blunt, something that Naruto seemed to have picked up.

No wonder he’d been seeing an increase in trap clearing requests at the missions desk. They were Naruto’s attempts to scavenge food.

Iruka wondered what other skills Naruto had to develop to compensate for civilian bias.

Obviously he would know how to dress an animal if he had been hunting for his own food. He should also be semi-decent at tracking. Naruto’s trap setting skills pretty much spoke for themselves.

His clothes looked as if they had been made from curtains and discarded linens so he must’ve known how to sew. Or perhaps he got his… sister, the witch to magic something for him.

Perhaps it was time to have a conversation with her regarding his concerns with the boy.

Iruka finished up a quarter of his exams before excusing himself and leaving Mizuki to mark the rest. He’d have to treat him to sushi later to make up for saddling him with most of the work.

The walk to the Flying Blackbird was relatively uneventful aside from the occasional shower of sparks from the magical children’s toys that Majo-san occasionally sold. The store stood completely at odds with the rest of the shinobi district with its brightly colored awnings and strange dimensions. It was quite a difference between the ruins of the old antique shop and its current form today. The top of the building seemed to be bigger than the bottom, something that could’ve only occurred with magic.

There was a line of Akimichis trailing out the door, something that happened every so often when she made something from her homeland. Fortunately, he could still get through the doors.

The air of the store always made him feel tingly inside, not entirely pleasant but bearable. Rows of charmed magical products lined the shelves, the most common of which were t-shirts with charmed prints, followed various potions at incredibly high prices, sticks that would release a shower of sparks when waved, witch desserts both with and without magical effects, a book of spells from which one could learn for a hefty price and a stack of properly filled forms, a display case of various wands, and a number of books which could be read for a certain time for a small fee.

There was a large chocolate cake cut into cubes sitting on the countertop which would be consumed bite by bite as the Akimichi all purchased something and took a sample after payment. Iruka spied two Naras playing a game with what appeared to be an animated witch shogi board. Kurenai was studying and taking notes from a large tome of magical monsters.

Maybe Mizuki would like a box of cupcakes.

That would be after he had spoken with the shopkeeper about Naruto’s grades. ”Oribanda-san? I have some private matters I need to discuss with you. It involves Naruto.”

“Very well. Please wait a moment.” Oribanda’s face was eerily wooden and unmoving as she spoke. The witch then turned around and cawed into the back of the store. “Krrrrr SHISUI! WATCH THE COUNTER!”

The woman then led him into the kitchen and gestured for him to speak. “What did you want to speak about?”

“Err… well, My name is Umino Iruka. I’m his teacher from the Ninja academy.”

That was apparently not the right thing to say as he saw something flash across her face for a moment. Only a moment but it was enough to put him on guard. “Fair enough. What did you wish to speak about?”

Remembering the rumors of Oribanda’s distaste for the way of the ninja, Iruka carefully considered the rest of his words. “He speaks very highly of you, Dogface and Shisui. Yet he’s an orphan. I was just curious about the people in his life.”

The witch stared at him unconvinced for a few minutes. Purple eyes looking as though they could see all of his secrets. “Most people just accuse him of cheating or me of helping him cheat.”

The tingling inside gets a little bit worse.

“Erm…..” He shifted uncomfortably and began giving the most positive report he could think of.  “Well, Naruto does fairly well in class on the occasions that he shows up. He has a cheerful disposition and he handles the civilian bias against him fairly well. He gets along fairly well with the clan ninja, especially with Hinata Hyuuga. His study habits have much to be desired but he fights well during the spars and is eager to teach his skills to others. His reactions to playground scuffles and bullying lead me to believe that he would be an excellent guard or escort. His skills at hunting and trapping on the other hand point to being a good saboteur or tracker. To be honest I don’t think he would be a very bad teacher either but the rest of the village may not except him for such a position.”

Iruka took a breath before finishing. “I highly doubt that he needed you to cheat for him when he is doing just fine for himself. At the rate he’s going, He’ll certainly become the ninja he brags about becoming.”

He was surprised at how little he actually had to make up in his report. Naruto really was a good boy and Iruka was glad to be his teacher.

“I’ll be sure to tell Naruto that you think so highly of him.” The witch nodded. Then she crossed her arms and leaned on the wall. Her sly smile indicated that she already knew the answer but was asking only for the sake of it. “Did you really come here just to praise him?”

“You’re rather suspicious aren’t you?” Replied Iruka. “But no. I just thought you should know about his habit of skipping classes and snooping in the administrative offices. The other teachers don’t appreciate it and are trying to get him kicked out.”

“Krrr. Duly noted. I’ll speak to him tonight.” She nodded and the two of them walked out of the kitchen.

“Naruto. I need to speak with you. Krr.”

Naruto dropped his kendama in alarm. Nee-chan never started any conversation like that unless the subject was serious. “Uhhh.. sure. What is it Nee-chan?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yeah! ‘Course I do-ttebayo!”

The witch fiddled with the pin of her cloak. “Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to be a ninja?”

Naruto allowed himself to panic momentarily before giving her the biggest smile he could muster. “Uhhh…. I’m not going to be a ninja. I-I’m just going to the ninja academy b-because um… civilian teachers are jerks…  a-an’ I’m uh…. I’m gonna be a shopkeeper like you!”  He stuttered.

Maybe that would convince her to leave the subject alone? Dogface said he’d help him explain the ninja thing to Nee-chan, but he was out of the village on a mission. Shisui-nii wasn’t going to be much help either since he always goes home after the store closes.

A corner of her mouth lifted up, then went back to normal. “Your teacher spoke to me today. Umino Iruka.”

“H-He’s not my-”

“Naruto. Cut it out. Krr.”

The two of them fall silent.

Then the image of his sister figure blurs.

The boy quickly wipes away the tears that were now manifesting in his eyes. He meant to stay calm and collected and professional, but the tears just keep coming. Then the sniffling starts. “I’m s-sorry. Nee-chan. I-I- I promise I won’t be a ninja anymore. I’ll uhhh…. I’ll go an’ move out tom-”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Children aren’t meant to live alone.”

“... Nee- chan?”

“Yes?”

“Do you hate me now?”

“What?”

“L-like the others… Do you hate me now? Since I want to be a ninja-ttebayo?” Naruto shuffles his feet against the floor. His hands were balled up so tightly that his knuckles were white. Still, his jaw was set and his eyes were determined.

The pause before she answered felt like forever. “... You still want to be a ninja, even though you think I’ll hate you for it… That’s pretty brave. Nikita would’ve approved of that, the duelist that he was.” She chuckled a little bit. “No. I don’t hate you.”

Naruto sighs in relief.

“But I just want to know something.”  She crouched down in front of him. “What sort of ninja do you want to be?”

“Eh?”

“I summoned some books from the library to see if there are different branches or not. There are many different kinds. Guards, trackers, genjutsu specialist, saboteurs, ninjutsu specialist, taijutsu specialist, animal training, front line soldiers, scouts. Dogface’s division too, but I couldn’t find much information on them.”

“Well I wanna be the Hokage! I’ll be good at everything.”

“Why the Hokage?” She cocked her head.

“So everyone can respect you and me.” He sniffed like Nee-chan sometimes does when she’s poking at Dogface. Oh, speaking of… “Plus someone has to make sure that Dogface’s friends are getting a break.”

Naruto starts feeling fingers in his hair before it changed to arms wrapped tightly around him. “You are a good person Naruto. Stay like that.”

He chuckled in relief. “ Sure.”

Then Mina-nee pulled away and pinned him with a glare. “But I’m warning you now. If you join the masked division, especially the blank masked division. We are going to have some serious problems. I refuse to associate with an assassin. They don’t live for very long in England and they only attract trouble for the people around them. Understand?” Her purplish eyes seemed to bore into him.

“Uhh… yeah. Got it-ttebayo.” Naruto shuffles back to his toy and resumes his tricks.

Blimey, Dogface is going to be in so much trouble if Nee-chan finds out he’s an assassin. But Dogface kept Naruto’s dream a secret for him and Naruto will return the favor.

Nee-chan’s smart though.  And even if Nee-chan never saw his face, Naruto was sure she would know who he was purely from all the time they spent together-ttebayo.

But Iruka was SO going to pay for talking to Nee-chan. He had some extra rabbit guts he could use for a prank. They’re extra stinky from spending all day in the sun.

“Oh. Before I forget, Umino had some very nice things to say about you.”

“R-Really? Like what-ttebayo?”

By the end of the spiel Naruto was red as a tomato. Iruka-sensei actually liked him! That was new.  Maybe he won’t use the rabbit guts. He had some ping pong balls lying around somewhere.

“Now… I don’t care about how often you go to class, but you better pass all the exams.”

Chapter Text

A scroll sits on the table. It has been opened by the receiver, who also sits on the table.

It wasn’t a bank statement, though it looked like it initially. No, it was a message scroll from the fire Daimyo’s court. To be replied by the end of the day, and If accepted, to leave for the capital the day after tomorrow.

The Daimyo’s son was getting married and his wife wanted to hire her services.

On one hand, the woman was an incredibly unpleasant customer who habitually stayed after closing and made a mess of the shop whenever she came. Many of her noble friends were also incredibly arrogant and rude to her workers and herself. Plus she was made to do several tasks without compensation. She probably could’ve kicked them out of the shop but the shitestorm that followed certainly wouldn’t have been worth it.

On the other hand, she was being offered a great deal of money and prestige. Being in the noble courts would also give her the opportunity to wander and get revenge for the poor treatment. Of course, given how they flaunted their riches she was pretty sure they wouldn’t miss a few bits of jewelry. Surely they had something in her house colors over there. Or perhaps a nice shiny crystal pendant of some sort…

Pretty shinies.

Should she be pleased? Or irritated?

She wished Kakashi was here, if only for the company. Maybe he’d have suggestions on what to do. Even if he didn’t it would still be fun to wind him up. He always flailed a bit when ever she teased him.

Of course, he often gave as good as he got so no complaints there.

Still, the Lord Hokage and his council seemed pretty insistent on having her there so she may as well accept…

But, the shop wasn’t going to be empty for long. School was almost over for the day so there was no time for that.

She did have a stack of tarot cards on the shelf though. Perhaps she could use that? It was better than nothing.

Claudia had always said that Mina’s tarot draws were more accurate than her own. She was probably just trying to make her feel better about constantly drawing the cards for danger during the class readings. Claudia wanted to become a healer for both muggles and wizards.

Not to mention that at the time, everyone was in serious danger. They’d been in the middle of a wizarding war at the time and people were dying left and right.

Still, for some god forsaken reason, everyone had still depended on her draws to predict the future when they didn’t have the time for arithmancy.

Never mind that it was creepily accurate anyway.

Mina chalked that up to a coincidence. Divination was a load of rubbish, everyone knows that. The only reason people ever took that class was for an easy O.

She summoned one absent mindedly just to see what would come up.

The tower.

Again. The card for danger and destruction.

Mina dropped the card as if it burned.  

Then the silliness of fearing a piece of paper sank in. she threw her head back and laughed as she put the tower on the table. She must’ve put that there on top of the deck specifically so that someone else could draw it and she ended up getting it anyway. “Well, that wasn’t much help” she cackled. In a village filled to the brim with aggressive mercenaries, cunning spies, and trigger happy assassins danger was never far away. The dangers of daily living had effectively rendered the card useless.

Good riddance.

She poured herself a cup of tea from her trusty tea pot, a gift from Shisui, into her teacup. Pardon, her tea mug. Which had been a gift from Mister Hyuuga.

What is it with these heads of houses who enjoyed giving expensive things? If she were Riddley, she would’ve been insulted. The sheer difference in the value of the delicate tea set and her income was wide enough that it may as well have been useless junk not to mention the hopefully unintentional flaunting of status.

Of course, Mina’s possible appearance in the Daimyo’s court would be a blatant flaunt on their part.

Ugh, nobles are such gits.

The witch sighed into her tea and glanced at her current shop. Her current setup wasn’t too bad. She never truly expected to run a magical convenience store, but it worked. She was making a decent amount of money, and if she got tired of this, she could also change the shop into a magical bakery. Or even open an oddity shop like the ones from knockturn alley.

Her grandmother would roll in her grave if that were to happen. Grandma Sayuri hated such shops with a passion that rivals the heat of the Mojave Desert.

Not all magical rituals required the participants to be magical and sometimes, sufficiently potent ingredients would pick up the slack.  Riddley was horrid at potions and couldn’t really help Cass from across the room. She had to buy her own potions ingredients with her  allowance and while her pockets were deep she was considerably poorer by the end of her fifth year. So much so, that inspite of getting an O in potions the monetary demands of N.E.W.T. level potions proved too much for her wallet to handle.

Mina was sure that some of the ninja would be happy patrons if she were to run an occult oddity shop. Civilians even, if the number of fangirls were any indication.  

The witch poured herself a cup of tea. Two cubes of sugar floated into the tea cup.

She didn’t have to accept the offer.

But it would be wonderful advertising, and she always did like to show off her talents. Not constantly of course, that would be improper., But just enough that people knew she wasn’t to be trifled with. It’s too bad she couldn’t learn any secrets from Professor Mcgonagall. She was the master of underhanded badassery.

The rest of the tarot cards stared back at her from it’s spot on the shelf. They beckoned, whispered almost.

She probably should get ready for the afternoon rush, avoid another trip down memory lane. That would be the wisest thing to do. After all the past is the past.

Still, she drew another card, if only to keep Claude in her memory. She was also somewhat curious to see what else she would draw.

The first card, the moon. It was upside down for some odd reason. Creativity perhaps. Or danger, as always.

The second card, the sun. For light. Or perhaps Happiness. The first positive card that she had drawn in a while. Unless it meant happiness in death, which was very disturbing.

Third, a star. Renewal. Hope. Okay, that was better.

Mina paused for a few moments before pulling one more. It was a bad idea to start a reading and not following through whether she believed it or not. The last thing she needed was more bad luck.

Two of cups. Romance, friendship or prosperity.

She stared at the five cards spread out on the table. She mentally scrolled through a number of meanings the cards could represent. She almost regretted not bringing that textbook with her. Almost.

‘I’m going to suffer and I’m going to be happy about it?’ She was mostly sure she wasn’t a masochist. Some of the books at hogwarts did make it sound interesting though.

‘I’m going to cause trouble and enjoy it?’ Causing trouble was one of her only methods of entertainment. Of course she was going to enjoy it.

‘There’s problems that will pop up soon but they will blow over?’ That could mean anything.

‘Danger followed by opportunity?’ Perhaps she should look into specializing. That was always a big business risk but specialists tend to earn more money as well.

“Claudia would be so much better at me then reading this.” She sighed.

“Hey Nee-chan!” Shouted a familiar whiskered boy as he burst in through the door, almost slamming it hard enough to dent the wall. “I’m back from school!”

“Hello Mina- oneesama.”

“Hi Naruto. Hi Hinata. The snacks in the kitchen.”  She gestured with her wing- her arm. “It’s those bacon and maple syrup biscuits that you like so much. Heaven knows why Krr.” She made a face and shook her head. So much sugar and fat.

The boy gave a loud cheer and dashed to the back.

“Um… Mina-san. What are you doing?”‘ Asked Hinata as she peered at the strange cards on the table. “Are you playing a card game?”

“No. Not at all. I’m looking at the future.”

“Eh? How?”

“Magic.” Chirped the shopkeeper in response.

The girl gave her a flat stare. “That’s your answer to everything Mina-san.”

“Krrhahaha.” Chuckled the witch. “Fair point. I will give you that. The future can supposedly be divined from the cards drawn from an adequately shuffled deck depending on the order and position they are sketched.”

The Hyuuga house heir nodded before correcting the witch. “The word is drawn Mina-san. Not sketched.”

“Semantics. Semantics.” She waved. “Now go eat and do your homework.”

--------

In the end, the prospect of getting a good look at the homes of the nobility proved too alluring for Mina to resist. She scribbled down her acceptance, took it to the ninja post office and watched a hawk take off in the approximate direction of the capital. The witch was mostly certain that she would regret it but hopefully the payoff would be worth it.

Unfortunately, accepting the offer meant that she now had to rewire her entire schedule. Some of the potions ran on a cycle of sorts and could only be made during certain days of the month.

The night of the new moon was the perfect time for making blood replenishing potions and she would have to figure something out. The hospital had put in a rather large order for them. Mina would have to write some very detailed instructions for Kurenai once she got it started. The girl was rather skilled at mixing delicate and distasteful poisons and potions weren’t TOO different.

Shisui’s magic was too inconsistent for making such a volatile potion and she would never hear the end of it if the mercenaries turned into blood fountains while she was out due to a magical influx. A village-hidden-in-the-blood would be a terribly cheesy name for a mercenary city. No No. The boy was much better suited to grunt work, which he seemed to enjoy more than the delicate stuff. Something about the magic making his eyes burn.

Calming draughts were better made under the fullmoon, but none of the ingredients she needed were available during this time of the year so she really didn’t need to worry about that.

Kakashi mentioned that he would be out of of the village as well which means her little ward would be left alone for a week until she got back.

Mina trusted that Naruto knew how to take care of himself but the day she leaves a child to fend for himself would be the day she married an assassin. What sort of nutter would do that anyway? Kids are dumb and cause far too much trouble when they are unsupervised. The way Naruto constantly collapsed her closet was living proof of that.

Thank heavens he wasn’t a magical child. Imagine the marauders running about.

There was also the issue of what she should take with her to the capital.

Back home, traveling meant bringing a few casual outfits, a few work outfits, a formal gown, books to read, school notes to study, food, drink, toiletries, and a gift for the host. But this was primarily for family reunions.

Travel for work meant one formal outfit, a whole bunch of work clothes, her entire tool kit, and trapping equipment.

She was certain that the latter would be inappropriate for catering nobles.

“Hey Dogface. Can you help me out here? What do you take on a trip to the capital?”

“Maa Maa.. why are you asking me?” Called the Masked Man from the ceiling. “Aren’t girls supposed to be better at that sort of thing?”

Mina gave him an unimpressed stare “Well you travel for your job don’t you?”

“With armor, weapons, and two empty storage scrolls mostly.”

Mina blinked as that statement sunk in before gaping at him. “How revolting,” She responded “I hope you at least wash your clothes.”

“I thought that stuff was self explanatory.“ Kakashi chuckled at her response. “ I’d get tracked by scent if I didn’t.”

She made a rude gesture at him. “I’m not taking anything like that when I leave.”

“I hope not. You’d have to do a lot of fast talking if the Daimyo sees knives in your bag.” He dropped down from his spot in the corner and pulled up a seat for himself. “Of course, you could just go in your underwear. No one knows anything about witch culture after all.”

“You just want to see me in my skivvies don’t you . ”

“Well, I was under the impressions that you enjoyed wandering about sans clothing.” Shrugged Kakashi. He slouched slightly, as if smirking from beneath his dog mask. “Considering that’s how you greeted me this morning. Nice towel by the way, the chickens on it were cute.”

“You know, it’s things like that make me wonder if you timed the shelf break while I was taking a shower on purpose.” She glowered at him as she shifted self consciously.

When the sounds of shattering glass passed through her shower the first thing that had come to mind was. ‘Oh god. I hope the potions don’t mix and melt the floor.’ She grabbed the closest thing she had for modesty, a large chicken towel that Claudia had bought her as a joke, and flew down the stairs.

It wasn’t until after she had cleaned up the mess that she noticed Dogface perched on the table.

There were some things- scars… that are never meant to be seen.

Ever.

Dogface watched her with a curious look on his face before stepping back cautiously with his hands in the air. “Maa… I like my limbs attached to my body so I must decline.”

She shrugged and abruptly changed the subject. “Oi. How long are you supposed to be gone?”

“About a month or so? Why?”

Bugger. There went her plans for Naruto. “Oh… I was going to ask you to watch Naruto.”

“He can take care of himself. He’s responsible and he can always ask Hinata and Shisui for Help.” Replied the man.

“Have you gone round the bend? Leaving him alone like that is like asking to be arrested!” Squawked the witch.

Now it was the ninja’s turn to gape at her. “I keep forgetting how different your world is.”

“It’s not just that either. Never underestimate the power of old, rigid, and greedy politicians in power.” She dead panned.

“Bad run in with one?”

“Shimura tried to force an exclusive contract.” She snipped. The old geezer had stayed well past his welcome trying to buy the proprietary rights of the shop with his army of creepy minions. Fortunately, after growing up in a craftsman family whose’ standard patrons included upperclass twits and rival wandmakers, she had seen every single kind of bartering tactic possible from showing up at inconvenient times, to being imperiused. The latter one brought forth dark memories.

Mina would get her pound of flesh one day. No one got away with something like that.

No one.

“Now I have to deal a mysteriously high number of public misdemeanors and fines stuffed into my mailbox every week.”

“Ah. Do you need any help with that?”

“Not really. I know just about every negotiating trick in the book.” Hell, she’d even used some of them. Minus the imperious curse. She wasn’t sure she could bring herself to complete and utterly dominate someone else. Or that she would ever stop if she started.

“Now help me get my blasted things together will you?” She commanded without any real force in her voice. “The money from this job should be enough for me to close my shop while I deal with this crock of shit.”

………………………….

While the ride to the capital wasn’t worth mentioning, it found Mina wishing that she could take the knight bus.

It had been interesting at first reading through an etiquette guide Kurenai and some of her ninja friends had given her, the strange rules and ceremonies were fascinating, but after that there really wasn’t much to do for the rest of the journey.

There wasn’t much she could say to the cart driver as that was rude and distracting. The lady sent to escort her there had proved rather intolerant of Mina’s accent so conversation was out. Plus she was a noble, they had proven to be rather stuck up.

In the end, she had opted to bring her standard work kit. That is to say, her emergency kit, a few dress robes, a number of potions ingredients pack into a tiny bundle, and a stack of business cards for her shop.

Mina might not like nobles, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to pass up the chance for advertisement.

At any rate, the looks on their faces when she began using magic were certainly entertaining, The daimyo’s son looked like he had just seen the creation of the sun. The ninjas of Konoha were nowhere near as expressive. Honestly, if running a store in Konoha didn’t work out, she could probably pack up and move to the capital. Or perhaps she could just levitate her entire house and fly it over. Flying a house can’t be that different from flying a broom after all.

The servants had taken her to what seemed to be an upscale hotel room. She assumed that these were to be her chambers for the duration of her stay.

The walls were a soothing cream color. One of them was decorated by what appeared to be extremely messy handwriting on a scroll. The window was right above the bed and if she sat on the edge she could look outside and see the magnificent landscape of the capital. A series of buildings dotted by gigantic trees and large wide courtyards. Even a small koi pond could be seen in the distance.

If she ignored the buildings, it was almost like being in Hogwarts again. Maybe she’ll go out for a nice evening flight after she figures out what the Daimyo’s son wants catered for his wedding.

Speaking of which…

“Majo-sama.” Announced a young lady, no more than twelve years old. “The Honorable daimyo-sama is is requesting your presence.”

“Very well… I will be shortly.” Replied Mina, never once taking her eyes away from the window.

Mother had always been a very… eccentric woman.

She had always been a passionate and enthusiastic woman. Even if her enthusiasm was inappropriately misplaced a good portion of the time.

From the time she decided on using cat decor to the time she took to hiring ninja to find her cat. It was always something that made her the talk of the palace. It also meant that few if any persons took her seriously.

But hiring a witch?!

For his wedding?!

That really took the cake. Kiyoshi had been hearing all sorts of rumors from his younger brother too, about the witch of Konoha. He’d heard many stories of how it’s potions transformed the drinker into demonic beasts, stories of how it would speak in its strange foreign tongue and the world would twist to match its desire, stories of creatures that would roar from deep within it’s labyrinth, and stories of its unnatural and terrifying beauty.

That last one sounded rather farfetched but given that he had seen a variety of creatures in ninja outfits the last time he went to konoha he knew some of the stories had to be true.

Given that this was his wedding he figured that he should at least get some say in the proceedings.

Perhaps he could request that the animal transformations came at the end of the celebrations? Or maybe do some tricks to keep the other nobles from staring at him too much or-

“I have been told to come here. Have you called for me KYOshi-sama? ” Asked a voice from the entrance of his chamber in an accent he could not recognize. It seems that the witch was indeed from a foreign land. The voice was smooth and it rolled strangely. The accent too, was odd. The words seeming to rise and fall like the mountains of Lightning country.

He turned around and he saw-

A perfectly ordinary woman if a little plain.

What ever Kiyoshi was expecting, the lady in front of him certainly wasn’t it. There was nothing unusual in the jet black locks which cut off just past the shoulder. Nor the indigo eyes which looked at him with the sureness of a professional confident in their skills and the pride of a noble. Even her skin, pale like the moon was an ordinary sight in the noble courts. He found himself a little disappointed in the mundanity.

Then he noticed the witch’s attire.

The woman wore a elegant blue robe which twinkled like stars. It had streaks of white running up and down and across the torso and down the flared sleeves and pooled at the bottom like a stylized image of a snowy forest. If he stared at it long enough, it even looked like there was snow falling. It was beautiful, unlike anything he had ever seen.

And also entirely inappropriate for the warm weather of fire country.

Perhaps his mother had finally come up with a decent idea for once.

The woman coughed awkwardly into her hand distracting him and reminding him of his manners. “Was I not supposed to enter? I am afraid the customs of this area are unknown to me.”

“Ah the fault is mine for I have forgotten my manners.” He acknowledged. “I merely wish to inquire the reasons you were invited to the palace. My mother is not an accurate source of information and my guards were most reticent with the details.”

The woman bowed “I was requested to come cater your wedding.”

“I see.” He pushed his glasses up for a moment. “Is that all?”

“That is all I was asked.”

“Are you against entertaining guests as well? I will pay you handsomely.” He offered. Competent ninja are never willing to use their jutsus for entertainment unless they were paid an astronomical amount. Even then it was always the same tricks. Mother’s spending habits meant that bankruptcy was almost certain unless Kiyoshi could find a way curb some of the costs.

If the witch truly changed the world as easily as she breathed then perhaps she would be willing to do so for a modest fee.

The witch cocked her head. “That would depend entirely on what you mean by entertainment, what you expect from me, and how much you pay.”

So the witch was open to the suggestion. Excellent.

“I am unfamiliar with your skills so I must leave that to your discretion. I only request that whatever you do be impressive.”

The woman pressed her fingers together and leaned forward with a small smile. “Excellent. Now let us discuss the price.”

The negotiations took many hours.

The preparations took days.

Watching the witch work was truly a spectacle.

The witch flittered back and forth between her carpet bag and the kitchen counters as she prepared a feast fit for a god.

The wedding guests oohed and ahhed as she brought twilight to the afternoon and began painting the room with sparks.

“Let me tell you a fairy tale from my home land.” She said as she waved a stick about. “I grew up listening to this as I went to sleep.”

Sunset colored sparks shot from the end of her wand and slowly, carefully rearranged themselves into words.

“This is the great tale of the Fountain of Fair Fortune.” She spoke, stumbling over one of the words. Funny, he would’ve thought that her magic would’ve allowed her to speak without an impediment.

But the images which came from the wand more than made up for her heavy accent.

Sparks formed into a hill and the groom’s own wine goblet drifted to the top of the hill acting like a fountain. It even had a small spray of liquid coming out the top.

“The Fountain of Fair Fortune sits on top of a hill, in the middle of an magical garden, and is protected by strong magic. Every year, on the longest day, between the first light and last, an unfortunate person was given a chance to bathe in the Fountain, and would receive a fair fortune forever more. On the appointed day, hundreds of people, male and female, rich and poor, young and old, would gather from all over the kingdom to reach the garden walls before dawn.”

Then the hill with the goblet fountain collapsed and reformed into the shapes of people.

“Three witches, named Asha, Altheda and Amata, each came to the garden with the same hope: that they would be chosen.”

The first witch form was bone thin, and delicate, as if a gust of wind would’ve caught it her long wispy hair and carried her up into the sky. “Asha was sick with a malady no Healer could cure-”

The second witch form was smaller it wore a white apron to differentiate it from the others. Her hair was bound tightly in a bun. “-while Altheda had been robbed by an evil sorcerer-

The final witch being the tallest with long bedraggled curls and robes that trailed behind her. "-and Amata had been deserted by a man whom she loved dearly.”

“-Pitying each other, they agreed that they would try to reach the fountain together if one of them got chosen to enter the garden.”

The witch spoke with the precision of months of practice and memorization. As magic swirled and twirled to fit the scenes of the fairytale.

Rin would’ve loved it.

She would have laughed with the nobles when the unlucky knight got dragged in by accident and gasped in shock and clutched his arm when the great worm appeared.

If she were still alive that is.

He was definitely sure that she would’ve cheered louder than everyone else in the crowd upon the conclusion of the show.

Tobi had been watching the witch for a long time now, ever since that night at the graveyard and today he had come to a decision.

Oribanda Mina was a clever witch. Strong too.

But she was naive and she was blind.

Why else would she stay close to Him?

Didn’t she know that he would kill her one day? Just like how he killed Rin!

At least she knew that Hatake was dangerous, always threatening him with her wand. He could only observe the two through a window, but Mina always had her wand hear by whenever Hatake was close.

Smart witch.

Maybe Tobi could just leave him to her. It would only be a matter of time before something happened.

No. No. Oribanda’s talents lay elsewhere. They would be wasted in Konoha where no one would appreciate them, something that multiple people had agreed. Her skills would be much better used in Akatsuki.

He stared silently at the witch, his fingers rubbing idly at the music box hidden in his robes.

It would spring open at odd hours of the night and wake him with its terribly beautiful music. The song kept drawing up painful memories of his dead past and it had nearly driven him mad. That person was dead.

Uchiha Obito was dead.

But no matter what he did, it kept opening and playing that damn song. Glue wouldn’t seal it, ropes kept snapping, and weights continuously fell off each time he tried to force it shut. Until he gave up on silencing it.

The enchanted wood, protected by what must’ve been numerous protective charms had defied all of his attempts to destroy it. Blunt force had done nothing but give him bruises, kunai bounced off the air around it, the strange energy rippling around it had caused his jutsus to go awry, and not even the zetsu was able to do anything about it.

Tobi wasn’t about to do something so stupid as appearing and forcibly shoving her the box. He’d seen some of the things that she’d done to Root nin, and regrowing cursed arms would be stupidly inconvenient.

No.

His opportunity would come tomorrow, where he would have the chance to complete multiple objectives.

Tomorrow, the woman would be leaving for Konoha on a week long ride by carriage.

Tomorrow, he will take her to Ame.

Tomorrow, she will meet Pain.

And finally, he would have peace again.

Chapter Text

Somehow, on her way back to Konoha she had been forcibly apparated to the middle of nowhere. How terribly  embarrassing.

She was going to need to brush  up on her dueling skills if some stupid git could get the drop on her. Still, maybe she could come away from thi we s whole fiasco with more than just an anecdote.

Water dripped down from the ceiling as Mina stared impassively. The air was reminiscent of the damp cold of the potions room.

There were bad days and there were bad days.

Waking up in a dark cave with a stranger in a mask definitely fell under the latter.

For one, it sounded more like one of Riddley’s sexual fantasies than an actual occurrence but here she was, in a cave, surrounded by questionably human strangers. 

She had seen a man with a disturbing resemblance to Riddley with eye shadow, a peculiar masked man, a lady that looked like she was made out of paper, a male nun, and someone in a terrible frankenstein costume.

There was also the animated corpse, which she immolated the first chance she got. This is what gets her into trouble since. Nagato doesn’t take too well to this.

So she apparates out with an injury ending up in some random location in ame. She changes into a bird for the first time and tries to make her way back to konoha through suna.

She runs into gaara when she roosts on a strange place and he tries to kill her. They bond for a little bit because she wont let him kill her. Yay transfiguration. Then she heads home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter start

None of the blood and hair samples yielded any abnormal information either aside from the severely undeveloped chakra network.

He was forbidden to do any invasive tests either, as per Leader-sama’s orders.

Pity.

The woman had been disarmed the moment she arrived at the base as many of Akatsuki’s agents had seen her perform legitimate miracles with that strange wooden dowel.

Orochimaru was currently studying it with the intent on testing and hopefully replicating its effects. The beech exterior was easily identifiable yet it contained something that repelled chakra while the interior contained something that actively consumed chakra.

Her other belongings were just as fascinating especially since they weren’t anything Danzo could’ve bought and sent him.

 Live plant samples not native to the elemental nations and what appeared to be a wallet with teeth-

GRRR!

-A semi sentient wallet with teeth was enough to convince him of the genuine existence of magic.

He should pay a visit to the little shop some time.

Leader-sama also mentioned that chakra was being displaced. Konan also seemed to be experiencing minor difficulties with her paper jutsu.

Fascinating.

Shame he couldn’t actually feel it.

Orochimaru had to wonder if the displacement came from the witch or the music box that Tobi refused to relinquish.

Or perhaps it was both.

Tobi wasn’t in the best state of mind when he used Kamui and the witch seemed to have an adverse reaction to being pulled in and out of an alternate dimension. 

Plus the wooden box clearly had some sort of seal protecting it as it resisted the mundane forms of damage and even some lesser jutsu. He would’ve gone further in his experiment had Tobi not chosen to reappear at that time and reclaim the musical instrument.

So many variables.

GRRRRR!

“What the fuck is that!” Asked Kisame as the growls radiated from the unassuming wallet on the table.

The snake sannin didn’t bother with a response. The witch’s bestiary was much more worthy of his time, for one the illustrations were moving on their own without a visible seal.

“Tobi think’s it’s the witch lady’s wallet.” Chirped the much too cheerful man. “Careful careful. The wallet has teeth! Tobi think’s she made it out of a dog.”

“Seriously?” Muttered the sharkman as he prodded it with a finger. 

To the snakeman’s amusement, and the sharkman’s alarm. The wallet unfolded itself and embedded its many sharp teeth to the man’s hand.

“See? See? The wallet has teeth!” Shouted the masked nin as Kisame flailed and tried to remove the object from his person. “Tobi warned you! Tobi warned you because Tobi is a good boy.”

Imbeciles.

Leader-sama of course did nothing about the situation.

“Hnnnng...”

The fuss at least had the benefit of waking the witch.

The woman slowly sat up on the couch and blinked at the people in the room before attempting to go back to sleep. 

She popped up a few moments later after catching sight of the snake sannin. “Oh! Riddley It’s been a long time. How have you been? How is business going? Did the Holy Head Har- You aren’t Riddley.”

“I am not.” He replies without looking up.

The woman stared uncomprehending and slowly began to gaze at the other people in the room. Her hand drifting towards where her wooden rod had been kept and tightening into a fist when nothing was there.

“Witch.” Stated the corpse man. “You are in the base of the Akatsuki.”

Her eye twitched as she stared at Nagato. Not the first time she has seen a corpse.

Interesting.

“Yes?” She inquired looking slightly strained.

“We are interested in your talents.”

“ Bugger. ” The woman squeezed her eyes shut and pinched her nose. “No. I am busy person.”

“We know of your situation. Join us and with your power, we can permanently end this world’s suffering. ” With the same stony expression. “It would be a shame if something happened to your ward wouldn’t it?”

The witch clenched her hands so hard her knuckles turned white. “Yes. Shame.” She gritted. “Beg pardon. Is there a washroom I can use?”

“Oh. Oh Tobi can show you. Tobi can show you if you fix Tobi’s music box.”

“Yes?” She twitched again when the music box was handed to her. 

The sanin spied the brief spark of recognition in her eyes as well the tightening of her grip on the box.

So the object was hers originally. Another interesting thing to note, and judging by her posture she was probably going to pull something.

“Saa. I should remind you witch-san that trying anything is an exceedingly bad idea.”

“I haven’t the mistiest idea as to what you are talking about.” She replied with forced cheerfulness and a smile that was a bit on the sharp side. Much like one of his old students used to. “But I do need my wand to fix anything.”

“Oh Tobi can’t give you that. Tobi wouldn’t be a very good boy if he did.”

“Noted.” 

Orochimaru was certain that the others had saw it, the momentary lack of movement just before a shinobi acts on an impulse. It was a crucial skill acquired from many years of dealing with spies and escapees.

Given the witch’s proximity to the idiot man-child he had thought she could be contained.

He was quickly proven wrong when the wooden stick he was studying immediately ripped from his grasp and flew back into the hands of its owner.

(Smoke spell. Mina teleports to the exit of the room. Then again and again until she's outside)

Mina transforms into magpie and tries to fly home. Success! she's officially an animagus. Blue eyed magpie. The rain sucks. No one can find her because low chakra at first. Cue snakes.

Mina picks a direction and flies. Oops its suna. Which means Gaara.

Gaara tries to kill her but cant because shes a witch. She keeps transfiguring the sand into wood shavings and Gaara is baffled and amazed. Strikes up a friendship.It involves making cake because transfiguring is wonderful. Mina can transfigure sand into salt, but not sugar because salt is a rock. Wood on the other hand is a grey area, which is why things like cinnamon and cocoa can work short term.

She tells him that his uncle trying to kill him was bullshit and reassures him that she won't do that, because she's a witch and not a ninja. She tells him all about naruto and her shop in konoha and how he should visit because he and naruto would probably get along. Sand anbu try to kill her but Gaara stops them by killing the ninja. Eventually she leaves for konoha after getting directions by a disguised sand ninja. They want her out so she can stop suborning Gaara.

Gaara begs her to stay, but she insists on leaving. She magics him a journal (Like tom riddle's minus the soul) so that he can write to naruto directly ala discord style.

end chapter

~~~

MIna makes it home and tells Kakashi, Naruto, and Shisui all about her venture. They are extremely alarmed by this. Naruto is excited at the prospect of a new friend though and immediately starts writing to him.

Sarutobi updates Mina's file to include the shapeshift and encounters. He also updates other files to note the member list of akatsuki. Jiraiya finds some of the information distressing.

Kurenai visits with renewed terms and conditions and mina accepts her as an apprentice. Is given a wand and some questionably translated books for her to peruse and study. Kurenai decides to stick to runes and wards to the best of her ability. Like the disarming charm.

The uchiha are pissed that the outsider is getting more credit and aid than a founding clan. The coup is happening.

Shisui is attacked and killed by danzo and root losing his eye in the process. But in his dying moments, manages to throw a curse/potion at Danzo/crew leaving an identifiable magical injury.

Shisui, knowing that Itachi will have to do to stop the coup freaks out in epic proportions. Now that he's dying with a mangekyo  down, theres nothing he can do to help his family or stop danzo. Not unless a miracle occurs... Wait!

----------

MIna and naruto are roused from in the dead of night by all the windows shattering and flying open. Mina assumes there's an intruder and draws her wand and then drops it.

Surprise! It's shisui all panicked and looking really messed up. All bloody and gorey with empty bleeding eye sockets.  An even bigger surprise. Naruto can see Shisui too!! Unfortunately, his voice is garbled badly. 

• He's a chakra ghost mostly.
• But he has a little magic too, and thats whats letting him interact through the shop.
• Magic and chakra dont like working together.

Results to ninja hand signs to communicate. It's bad. Really bad. Mina and Naruto can both tell, but Kakashi isn't spilling. Then itachi finds out about ghost shisui.

Itachi does not take this discovery well. His demeanor is calm but the the air of certainty and sureness is gone. He looks ill, genuinely ill now. Sasuke wont either, but he wont see ghost!shisui for quite a while.

Shisui doesnt show himself often. He doesn't know who to trust. Mina doesn't really go around mentioning that she can see ghosts. She has some brains. Plus, being privy to dangerous secrets gets you killed. Kakashi and ibiki are amongst the few who do see him. But there are rumors going around or Mina capturing some sort of yokai.

Naruto gets a crash course in secret keeping, Because hes not allowed to tell sasuke about ghost shisui no matter how sad he gets. And boy, he gets real sad when the massacre happens.

He offers to let him sleep over because magic is a good distraction right? Gets rudely rejected and goes home all mad and stuff. Gets a talk from mina about being sad that his family is gone, and then mad that theyre gone. and being too sad-mad to remember there are other kinds of feelings. She offers a cheering potion which is immediately rejected by his ninja and guardians. Citing that mind altering substances are bad for children.

Time passes and life goes on. Though Naruto and, to a way lesser extent, Hinata never stop trying to drag sasuke into magic nonsense.

~~~~~~

They eventually succeed by spilling the beans on mina's ghost.

Shisui eventually does show himself to Sasuke who REALLY doesn't take it well.

At some point, Naruto unlocks his chakra, and when he goes to show Mina, the blast of chakra causes the building to fly apart at the seams. Whoops. Luckily no one was hurt but now theyre homeless. Naruto is very upset about this.

Kakashi offers up his place. Mina declines citing that his apartment is too small for three people. Kakashi points out that hes away for weeks at a time for missions. so its more like two people and its temporary anyway. Mina relutantly concedes (She's disappointed with his lack of knick knacks and decor.)

The shop is repaired soon enough, but naruto now has to move out, because they can't have his chakra destabilizing things again. Also he feels really bad about it and dodges the subect when mina tries to bring it up. They address it in the future.

Mina and kakashi are told to marry and have children.

• They are both for all intents and purposes the last members of their clan. They both have quirks that aren't quite kekkei genkai but can be passed on.
  • Magic for mina
  • Small amounts of dense chakra for kakashi.
• theoretically, they will produce a magic using ninja.
• Kakashi is fond of Mina and naruto and they mitigate his death seeking tendancies.
• Mina is distrustful of the Konoha factions but is more open to individual relationships.
  • Since kakashi is very loyal to konoha, they can have Mina by proxy.
• Kakashi can double as a body guard for her.
• Mina's shrewed business sense combined with a cornered market is an economical boon.
• Kakashi can handle jinchuriki and naruto is one and mina may have invited another.

Its very logical and it makes sense. but now things are super awkward between them. The banter used to be fun, but now that its obligatory its lost a lot of its shine. still they give the obligatory protest before filing the paper work.

~~~~~~~~

Naruto lets mizuki goad him into failing graduation (he insults mina) so he's really bummed out about it. so he gets the kage bushin scroll for mizuki so he graduate and not disappoint Mina. Like brother like sister, he misses the point.

Mizuki is arrested as per canon.

"My first impressions... You're a head ache in the making."

"My name is sasuke Uchiha. I don't like a lot of things and I dislike magic. My drea-My ambition is to kill a certain man so my clan can rest in peace."

“I’m Naruto Uzumaki, I like ramen and noon tea! I don’t like the three minutes you have to wait after you boil the water, and. My hobbies are eating ramen and growing weird plants my dream is to become the next Hokage and prove my Nee-chan wrong”

Team seven is as canon follows. complete with the bell test. But it goes differently. Naruto takes control immediately saying they can argue over who gets the bells after they take them from kakashi. "PRIORITIES PEOPLE!"

After getting the bells:

• Naruto declares that since Sasuke needs private tutoring for his eye and that sakura sucks at fighting, they'll need all the private tutoring they can get.
  • He declares he will move up the ranks via field promotions.
• Sasuke declares that he has his clan library to study and train from, plus with the politics being the way they are, there is no way they are going to let him stay in the genin corps.
  • Naruto grew up a merchant and sakura is a noodly civilian. they both need attention from a jonin to learn ninja culture.
• Sakura in the mean time declares that she clearly didn't know as much as she thought despite graduating as top kunoichi so she ought to be the one to go back to the academy to train more and also so that she wont drag them down.

the argument goes on for a ridiculous amount of time before kakashi interrupts them to tell them that they passed and that he'd take all three of them. They ignore the statement and keep bickering until he flicks them in their foreheads.

Wave goes mostly as canon, but its not their first c rank mission. that was dividing and propagating mina's plants. Naruto was not happy getting that mission and after completing it, demands a c rank that takes place outside of Konoha.

Naruto gets trained with the kyubi chakra. Mina's inspired by his explanation of his process tries to do something similar with her wand, banking on using a sympathetic link between the wandcore and the creature it came from to trace a way back home. Sure, it's been a while but she'd still like to know what's going on... if anyone survived, her friends, her teachers, stuff like that.

It works. But mina doesn't initially realize.

The fox fae at hogwarts wakes up and smiles. "There you are..."

~~~

Chunin exams arc

Things are still super awkward between mina and kakashi. and aside from the paperwork, absolutely nothing has changed. Then Mina notices the festivities building up and asks him what its about. Kakashi tells her about the chunin exams. She in turn tells him bout the tri wizard tournaments. Things seem to flow more naturally afterwards. Both of them find the respective competitions morbidly fascinating.  Kakashi brings up the possibility of entering team 7 into the exams and mina seems excited at the prospect much to his surprise. She wants to cheer for naruto.

conversation between them flows smoother after that.

Mina is asked to log the people who visits her shop and keep and eye out for odd orders. she agrees. In the process unwittingly exposes Orochimaru. Though she misreads his name as Daikyoja (Same characters) The ninja elect to not to correct her.

Gaara pays a visit to the shop and thoroughly enjoys it. He's happy to meet his pen pal after all these years, but his casual bloodthirstiness is very unnerving to everyone involved. "Please stop acting like the Lestranges." Temari and Kakuro are shocked that the witch was actually a witch and not some crazy person Gaara met and idealized. Kankuro is instantly mesmerized by the animated chess set. Temari and Shikamaru bond over the weirdness over a game of wizard chess. (Shikamaru prefers shogi, but while mina can animate things she cannot make them move by someone else's command.)

during the month long break for training Mina successfully makes contact with magical london via a magical owl. Sent by the fox whom she got her wand core from. She hurriedly writes back with letters for every one dictating her situation. Saying that its remenescent of the beginning of the wizarding war. THe respective recipients are not happy and they come together determined to find a way to reach her.

Invasion happens and the Sandaime dies.

Gaara is also Super jealous that naruto was treated better (from his perspective) as an orphan and ponders if his life would be better if his father was dead. Mina is speechless. Naruto is Pissed. His siblings are dismayed by this.

When Gaara flips his crap Mina tries to talk some sense into him by cranking up the volume. It doesn't work and actually makes things worse so naruto has to pull on the kyuubi chakra.

The situation resolves itself when naruto takes gaara down and lets him leave, promising to mail him cake from the shop. "'Cos Nee-san taught me how to make them."

Rock Lee is inspired by how quickly and readily Mina fixed him and decides to take up some magic, citing his lack of chakra as a cause. Might Guy approves, because one should put just as much effort into honing the mind as they do the body. And also because a medic adjascent is very useful.

Sasuke ditches Konoha because he can't stand how no one looked into the horrific way shisui died. and he knows it wasn't suicide and that his brother was involved somehow but no one's saying anything. The uchiha massacre was also involved so why wont they tell him anything. There's something horrible going on and no one can convince him otherwise. He needs to seek his brother out for answers. Also the curse seal is a thing.

Konoha sends out a search party to get him because the curse seal and also because orochimaru still wants his body.

Naruto and jiraiya still head out to find Tsunade because they need a hokage. They run into sasuke along the way and convince him to stick around longer. Jiraiya tells him that itachi has been spotted with orochimaru and he might want to stick around because they used to be on the same team. And tsunade might know a thing or two as well.

In the mean time, itachi and kisame encounter kakashi, mostly to try and keep him the fuck away from orochimaru. They dont say it out loud of course, because root has ears everywhere. Kakashi and a few other jonin get mangekyo'ed to keep that cover. Mina does not get mangekyo'ed, mina gets her ribs caved in and her wand broken.

Then they find sasuke. Welp. He's out. because itachi still really wants to die at sasuke's hands. Cue clash where jiraiya deals some damage to them. Now there's even more pressure to find tsunade. Naruto eventually talks her into coming back by using a combination of his canon speach and bringing up how much bigger the world is, and how small the elemental nations are now that he's learned of them. and how very soon, their worlds will collide and he can't wait to meet his nee-chan's family.

Cut to Mina and kakashi sharing a hospital room and talking about their future prospects. And their chiildrens' since that was a clause in their marriage contract.

In the down time before the split, more magical shenanigans happen. Mina successfully finishes the harmed sign post requested by the hokage. keyed to his registry of his anbu operatives and only visible to himself.

The hogwarts fox pays her a visit, the fox (5 tails) decides to prank mina by setting her shop on fire. nearly gets skewered by kakashi and friends. "Tsk tsk. And here I was offering you a way home too."

wait really? "Of course not, That would be boring. No I come bearing gifts. Specifally the gift of communication. It's shockingly difficult to pierce the barrier that separates these lands." Gives her a magic mirror that lets her comminicate  face to face in real time to her wizard pals. This is how she finds out about her friend Lily and her husband James. and about the boy who lived and all that jazz.

also.

Barrier? There's a barrier? yes there is. Some (Magic fox) generations ago, this land was sealed off from us and we were driven from it. The world was much more wild and less noisy then.

Huh. Wonder why that was? (It's kaguya showing up.)

Team splits and goes their separate ways for the time skip.

Naruto going with jiraiya. Sasuke on out in the wild and possibly with orochimaru. And Sakura under tsunade, she picks up potion brewing to suppliment her medic nin skills.