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“Please Phil… we need to… baby Peter can’t come home to NOTHING!” Clint begs dramatically. Phil pinches the bridge of his nose, a habit that has come from 10 years of dealing with Clint, both as his handler and his boyfriend.
“Fine. Let’s go. Don’t make me regret this though.” As Clint happily skips out to the car, all Phil can think is, “Really, this is what we rely on to save Manhattan?” Phil follows him out to the car, and attempts the fruitless endeavor of getting Clint to stop jumping up and down in his seat on the way to the mall.
“This is going to be so great! They have a special going on right now, and baby Peter is so going to love this!” Clint squeals. Yes. He squeals. Phil just shakes his head and wonders how and why he deals with this insanity in his life.
After they manage to park the car without doing any harm to anyone else’s vehicle, barely, they start walking towards the mall entrance. “Walk” is secret S.H.I.E.L.D. code for an extremely bouncy Hawkeye drags Phil forcibly to the mall entrance.
“Finally we’re here!” Clint exclaims, as the stop in front of Build-A-Bear Workshop. Before Phil can even make a snarky remark, a young woman in the store’s uniform walks up and gives Clint a hug “Oh! Clint, we’re so glad you’re back, where are the kids? We didn’t know you were coming today.” Clint gives her a big grin “No kids today, my new nephew is coming home, and we need to make him some bears!”
As Clint picks through the baskets of different bears, trying to decide which is best for Peter, Phil whispers to the woman next to him, “What do you mean the kids?” She smiles and explains that Clint is always bringing kids from local orphanages in to make a furry friend.
Clint is holding up three different bears, one that’s blue with white stars, one that is red with gold stars, and one that is a plain brown bear. “Hey Phil, come over here, we have to decide which two we like best.” Phil just sighs and knows the quicker he makes a decision, the quicker this will be over. “Um, I like the blue one” he says. Clint smirks and mumbles something about his unrequited love for Captain America.
“Great! We’ll do the two pretty ones, this is going to match the outfits I have picked out already so well!” Clint says. “Outfits? We have to dress them up? Isn’t that a little….” Phil doesn’t finish his sentence when he sees the look on Clint’s face, knowing its better to just indulge the archer. “Okay. Let’s get these things stuffed, I guess so you can show me the outfits you picked out agent.” Really they have to think of better pet names then “Agent” and “Sir”.
Clint grins, and hands Coulson the shapeless unstuffed bear. “First we have to pick a heart,
do you think we should make it say something?” Phil looks at the sound recording options, and shakes his head. “No sound recordings… it might scare the baby.” He reaches into the tub of red and red and plaid hearts and randomly plucks a plain red one out. Clint bats at his hand “NO! You’re doing it all wrong. The plaid hearts are the best.” Phil finds himself sighing and shaking his head for the umpteenth time since he agreed to this outing. “Okay, I’m sorry. Will you please help me pick out the right heart?”
Clint knows that he’s pushing Phil a little, but he just wants everything to be perfect for baby Peter. Clint reaches in and pulls out a plaid heart for him, and one for Phil “Here, this one is perfect.” Phil just takes the heart and follows a still skipping Clint to the big machines that appear to be how they stuff the bears.
An energetic girl, who’s name tag says “Susie” on it greets them as they approach, “Well I know Clint has been here plenty, but has your friend ever made a bear before?” Phil adjusts the tie on his suit and before he can say no Clint bursts out “This is my Phil, and he hasn’t made one before, so this is going to be extra special.”
Susie grins at Clint’s enthusiasm, and because they force her to always smile at this job, “Well then, why doesn’t Phil go first. Hand me your bear please.” Phil hands her the bear and tries to hand her the heart. “Oh no, you keep the heart, I’m not ready for it yet!” Susie says as she starts to fill the bear with fluff. “Why don’t you give it a hug and let me know if it’s the right fluffy-ness for you.” She holds up the bear for Phil to squeeze
Phil adjusts his tie, and doesn’t accept the bear immediately. “I’m sure its perfect, I don’t really need to hug the bear.” He feels Clint tug on his sleeve, and looks up at him with those big puppy dog eyes and a pout. “You need to hug the bear, it needs to be perfect for baby Peter…” Phil can’t say no when Clint is looking at him like that and grabs the bear and gives it a very quick hug. “Seems perfect to me.”
Susie lets out a laugh, “Okay now time for the fun part! Do you have your heart picked out?” Phil nods his head and holds it open on his palm. “Great! Now time for the Heart Ceremony. Are you ready?” A glance at Clint’s still pouting face is all it takes for Phil to agree, even though he’s a senior S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and will not be able to return to work if this ends up on YouTube or worse, Stark sees it.
“All you have to do is what I say, okay?” Phil just nods his head. “Spin around in a circle three times.” “Really?” Phil asks. “Please Phil, just do it?” Clint begs. Phil sighs and spins in a circle three times, with each new direction given following them with a small frown. “Now, rub it on your funny bone so it can be silly. Rub it against your head so its smart. Rub it against your ears so it can hear all your secrets, against your hair so it never has a bad fur day. Circle it around your feet so it can keep up with you. Rub it against your muscles so its big and strong! Now rub it against your heart for lots of love.” As Phil finishes rubbing it against his chest he is glad that its over, but then she starts talking again. “Last one, kiss it and make a wish.” All he can do is comply or be faced with more pouting. “All done, now just put it in the bear!” Susie does some magic and the bear is all sown up.
Clint goes through the whole routine with enthusiasm that cannot and should not be matched for someone his age. Hugging his bear and doing the Heart Ceremony with gusto. “Okay Phil, time to wash them off!” grabbing Phil’s hand he drags him to what look like little water spurts, but actually just have air. “We have to get all the extra fluff off so Peter doesn’t choke on it or something!” At this point, it can’t get any worse for Phil, and he watches and copies what Clint is doing till he is given the seal of approval.
“Omg! Phil you are going to love the costumes so much! I can’t wait to show them to you!” Clint cries as he drags Phil to the clothing racks. That’s when Phil sees it. There’s the Hulk, Spiderman, Iron Man, and Captain America costumes made just for the bears. “Isn’t that like copyright, or trademark infringement?” Clint just laughs, “No, Tony owns all that and he gave them the license. I’m just sad there’s not a Hawkeye bear to give to baby Peter”
He grabs on of the Captain America costumes and one of the Iron Man costumes down from the rack. “Here, put the Captain America one on your bear.” Phil just tries to to get the little onesie onto his bear as Clint skips off to get something else, which end up being silver sparkly shoes. “These too!” Clint finishes dressing the bear, complete with mini-Captain America Shield and cowl, and holds it up for Clint, “Is this good, or am I missing something?”
“There’s only one thing left to do,” he says as he holds up his Iron Man bear with sparkly gold shoes, “Birth Certificates!!!” Phil follows Clint to the computers and makes up pretend information until he gets to the bear’s name “Um, am I supposed to pick a name for it Clint?” “No, I already did, his name is Captain Ameribear, mine is Iron Paw!”
“Of course it is. Are we done now? Let’s go pay.” Clint and Phil walk up to the counter, pay, and collect the birth certificates for their new bear friends. Walking out of the store each holding a little cardboard house box. Phil wraps his arm around Clint’s waist as they walk out and says, “Why don’t I treat you to some French Fries, and then we can go home and you can thank me for not shooting anyone on this endeavor.”
Clint just smiles up at him, and says, “Well as long as I get French Fries, I guess the latter can be arranged.”