Work Text:
In a world that has fed you broken promises and shattered future plans, would you still give love a chance?
Kim Dokja, 28, was raised in a quite complicated household– His dad beating the shit out of him and his mom, his mom being prisoned for killing her husband, his relatives promising to take care of him, only to be left at home with nothing to eat. His childhood was full of promises that were never fulfilled by adults who were supposed to take care of him. He grew up relying on himself.
That didn’t stop him from believing and hoping that someone would come and fulfill their promises though. That’s why when he got into a relationship, the idea of someone promising him and them fulfilling those promises blinded him.
“Let’s go to Paris on our third anniversary!”
“Adopting a dog sounds nice. How about getting one next year?”
“We can rent out a unit together in 3 months so it’s easier for us to see each other.”
“Isn’t this the group you’ve been telling me since we started dating? Let’s watch their concert, hmm?”
“I plan to get a car loan next year so I can send you to and from work.”
Anyone who is in a loving relationship would obviously be enchanted by these promises and simple gestures of love. Especially Kim Dokja – a hopeless romantic through and through. He too once believed in love, believed in his previous partners and their words. But these promises were soon replaced by:
“I can’t do this anymore.”
“I too really wanted to take care of a dog with you. I really did. But we just can’t work. I’m sorry.”
“I met someone.”
“Sorry I know you’re excited about the concert but I don’t think I can still go with you. I can still give you the tickets though, you don’t have to pay me.”
“I’m tired. I don’t think I will have time for you and our relationship. Let’s just end this.”
Endless future plans and empty promises – these what were left of Kim Dokja’s previous relationships. He eventually reached his tipping point and told himself if he ever gets into another relationship, he’ll warn his partner about future plans and promises not only because it makes him look forward to something that’s completely out of his control, but because he thinks it’ll jinx the trajectory of the relationship. He didn’t want to have his hopes up only for it to be shattered again.
Fast forward to the present with Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk in a happy and stable relationship.
They met through Han Sooyoung. She’s Kim Dokja’s bestfriend since highschool and Yoo Joonghyuk’s colleague in his previous work. He already resigned though. One day she thought of introducing the two because she figured they both have niche interests and they would get along– a pair of a hopeless romantic idiot and a handsome but emotionally constipated guy. She was having a bizarre image in her head, only for these two to break that same image. Because she was right and wrong – right when she said they would get along; wrong because they get along too well together. More than she can imagine.
When Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk hit it off, Kim Dokja was the first one to establish some kind of boundary between them.
“Please don’t tell me about future and cohabitation plans. Please don’t tell me you want to go on a trip with me, that you want to get a dog and have it as our child, or get a car because you want to send me to work, or that you want to live in a condo unit in a high rise building in the city. Don’t make any promises and future plans with me. I want to focus on what we are now rather than look forward to future plans that we aren’t even sure if they’re possible. People change. You and I will. Our relationship will also change. I hope you understand that. If not, we can’t be together.” Kim Dokja declares, as if reciting an invisible relationship contract in front of Yoo Joonghyuk.
Kim Dokja was so sure Yoo Joonghyuk will end it off right there, but was taken aback when the latter only replied with “Okay.” after he recited those conditions as if he’s getting a professional deal.
Kim Dokja expected him to leave the moment he hears his one and only condition in the relationship because who would even want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t look forward to spending the future with you? Anyway the relationship was going smoothly until one day Yoo Joonghyuk says,
“ Kim Dokja, I’m planning to buy a house. I’ve seen some decent offers on the internet and have contacted some brokers. Can you come with me to check them out?”
“Joonghyuk-ah.”
“Hmm?”
“What did I say about future plans?”
“You said not to make those promises and plans.”
“So what’s with this getting a new house, hmm?”
“What? I’m just asking you to come with me. I’m not asking you we’ll buy it together.”
Kim Dokja was once again taken aback by Yoo Joonghyuk – now his boyfriend. Because when your partner asks you to come with them to check out their prospect units, doesn’t that mean they plan to live and spend the rest of their life with you?
“Well I could come with you. But why?”
“Because you used to work with brokers and housing developers before. I figured it'd be better to be accompanied by someone who has knowledge in those things. I don’t want to be scammed. Those scammers have been getting a big sum with those tactics recently. ” Yoo Joonghyuk answers clearly, with a firm tone evident in his voice.
Right. He did work in such companies before.
“Well, aren’t you using your boyfriend card really well for a free housing consultation?”
Hearing this just made Yoo Joonghyuk chuckle, “Well, yes you can say that. Or I can pay you if you want?”
“No need Hyuk-ah, I was just teasing you!”
—-------
After successfully convincing Kim Dokja to go with him to check units, Yoo Joonghyuk texted Han Sooyoung immediately.
7:08pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: I did it.
7:08pm
Han Sooyoung: did what
7:09pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Ask him to check out houses with me.
7:10pm
Hsy: KIM DOKJA? THE SAME KIM DOKJA WHO’S BITTER ABOUT COHABITATION PLANS?
7:10pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: …
7:10pm
Han Sooyoung: what did you say to make him agree with you?
7:11pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: I told him we won’t buy it together, just that I want to buy a new house and I need someone knowledgeable in such things to accompany me.
7:12pm
Han Sooyoung: BITCH YOU DIDN’T TELL HIM THE TRUTH
7:12pm
Han Sooyoung: THAT YOU WANT TO LIVE IN THAT SAME HOUSE WITH HIM
7:13pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: It’s the truth.
I want to buy a new house
As for Kim Dokja
I don't really want to force him or put him on a pedestal.
I don't want to have his hopes up and make him think that I'm planning for our future together.
7:15pm
Han Sooyoung: why? aren't you sure of him? like? do you not see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?
7:16pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Han Sooyoung.
7:16pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: I’ve never been so sure in my entire life until I met Kim Dokja.
7:17pm
Hsy: down bad huh
7:19pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: I just don't want him to be tied down to the idea that he has to spend his life with me. I will never do anything that will break us apart. But, that’s not for me to decide.
—-
Today is marked on Yoo Joonghyuk’s calendar as ‘check out units with Kim Dokja’. They started their little housing adventure in the nearest townhouse.
“ Whoah this has a loft! That’s cute. ” Kim Dokja says as he stares at the somewhat Scandinavian looking unit.
“That saves a lot of space and it fits for one person.” , he added,
“I think I need two bedrooms for two people.” Yoo Joonghyuk chimes in, as if emphasizing the need for a bigger unit.
“Hyuk-ah.”
“I need two bedrooms or more in case Mia lives with me.”
Right. Kim Dokja assumed his boyfriend was talking about the two of them when Yoo Joonghyuk said two bedrooms for two people. Right, Yoo Joonghyuk did say he won’t make future plans with him. Because that’s what they agreed to.
“This one has a mini garden. Maybe you can put plants there!” , Kim Dokja says as his eyes shine brightly while looking at the bare front porch of the unit.
“But you know I don’t grow plants.” , Yoo Joonghyuk answers right away.
“Oh right. But I can give you some of my plants?” , Kim Dokja insists, as if utilizing the unit’s full capacity.
“I wouldn’t be able to take care of them.” , Yoo Joonghyuk exclaims.
“I can come and take care of them if you can’t?”
“You’d have to travel back and forth everyday. Are you gonna be okay about that?”
Asks Yoo Joonghyuk as if not wanting to bother Kim Dokja with other things involving his so-called new unit.
“Easy peasy! Maybe I can stay a night?”
“Hmm”
“Wow this is big.”
“Right. They even have a big kitchen and bar counter.”
“Yeah you’d need that so you can cook a lot!”
“WOW they have a big oven!”
“Hmm”
“Can I come here sometimes to bake some cookies?”
“You didn’t even need to ask.”
—-
10:20pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: We’re done checking out units.
10:22pm
Han Sooyoung: How was it?
10:25pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Well,
—-
After hearing how it went, Han Sooyoung texted her bestfriend:
10:50pm
Han Sooyoung: you bitch just say you wanna marry your boyfriend
10:51pm
Kim Dokja: wtf????
what’s wrong with you
—-----
10:55pm
Han Sooyoung: “dont include me in your future plans” my ass but then comments and suggests a lot based on his preferences
10:57pm
Yoo Joonghuk: It was cute.
—-
Moving day. After considering a lot of factors and suggestions by his boyfriend, Yoo Joongyuk was able to pick and buy the unit that perfectly fits /his/ lifestyle.
Kim Dokja said it would be fine to have a mini garden at home. Kim Dokja said the oven in the kitchen would be a big plus if Yoo Joonghyuk wants to bake for his sister. Kim Dokja said it’d be nice to have both of the bedrooms having enough sunlight near the work desk as psychological findings say natural light contributes a lot to one's productivity.
Kim Dokja suggested a lot of things to Yoo Joonyghyuk, things that would be good for his boyfriend. But looking back at it, is it really for Yoo Joonghyuk?
He stares at his boyfriend carrying some boxes inside his new home, thinking to himself ‘If my boyfriend suggests it, then it’s okay. Considering he knows better when it comes to these things.’
Months passed by. It’s 5 in the afternoon, Kim Dokja decided to stay for the night since he had free time tomorrow. He’s seen staring at his own reflection in the window when Yoo Joonghyuk suddenly says,
“Kim Dokja, I want a new bed.”
From then on, Yoo Joonghyuk has started telling his boyfriend of his personal plans.
“Kim Dokja. I want a full body mirror so I can see my improvement after working out in the gym.”
Kim Dokja has always wanted a full body mirror. He wants to take those full body selfies he’s seen in social media.
“Let me take a pic when you install it!”
“Of course, you can anytime.”
“Kim Dokja. I want a studio setup so my audio streams are clear.”
Kim Dokja has always wanted to have a studio setup on his own, as he likes recording himself singing.
“Can I record some songs when you’re not using it?”
“Sure.”
“Kim Dokja. When will you send me some plants that you have? My garden looks dull.”
Kim Dokja has always wanted to have a mini garden on his own, but couldn’t since he’s just renting out a unit. He does have a collection of plants inside his unit though, and they have been eating up some of his space so it’s not a bad idea to give some to his boyfriend.
“They’re still my babies even if they're in a different home, okay! Let me see them sometimes.”
“You can visit and take care of them anytime you want.”
“Kim Dokja, I want some gym equipment. I feel like I haven’t been exercising a lot.”
Kim Dokja wanted a gym room on his own. But the little unit he has rented out can barely fit his things.
“Do you mind me going here just to workout?”
“That would be $20 per hour.”
“Wow aren't you a businessman?
“I’m just kidding. You can come anytime.”
“Kim Dokja. I want a cat.”
“Hyuk-ah, wouldn't we have a hard time taking care of a cat?”
“It’s for me. Don’t worry, I won’t neglect it so you won't have to take care of it. I know better than one when it comes to raising a stubborn kid.”
Right. All those things Yoo Joonghyuk tells Kim Dokja is for himself. He never once told his boyfriend that he wants to do and get something for them two together.
The thing is, Kim Dokja wanted a cat. ‘Having a hard time taking care of a cat’ my ass. Kim Dokja badly wanted a cat too for so long but he couldn’t get himself to tell Yoo Joonghyuk that because it’s unfair to request something from his boyfriend when he warned him about making plans that involved both of them.
“I’ll help you pick a cat.”
“Hmm.”
“Do you have a preferred breed?”
“Nothing, just want a cat.”
“You’re so boring! I’ll find the cutest cat. You’ll thank me for it.”
“Okay. I trust your taste.”
Then Yoo Joonghyuk got a cat. A white fluffy one at that. When his boyfriend asked him what he would name the cat, he just said ‘Kitty’.
“Wow Hyuk-ah, can’t you be creative at least once?”
“You go name the cat.
Oh. Sorry. Sorry I didn’t mean to. Sorry. No, let me just name the cat. How about whitey? Or fluffy? Or just kitty so it’s not compl—
“Biyoo.”
“Hm?”
“Biyoo. Are you fine with that name?”
“I am, but are you okay with it?”
“Well, I’d regret not meddling with your boring names than naming the cat myself.”
“Okay.”
“Welcome home, Biyoo. ” Kim Dokja says as he hugs their now newest member of the household.
They are both happy. Yoo Joonghyuk is at peace with his boyfriend. Kim Dokja is also at peace to be with someone who never promises anything, nor puts him on pedestal by making future plans with him. It was going so well until one night when Kim Dokja had to carry his drunk boyfriend to the bed.
“You’re so heavy but I think the gym sessions paid off!
Joonghyuk-ah, you need to change clothes.”
After helping Yoo Joonghyuk change his clothes, Kim Dokja was about to get up but was suddenly stopped by his boyfriend’s murmur.
“Kim Dokja. I want to get married.”
—------
11:15pm
Kim Dokja: Sooyoung-ah.
11:16pm
Han Sooyoung: yo bitch
11:17pm
Kdj: SOS
11:17pm
Han Sooyoung: shit. where are you?
idiotja sent their location
____
11:20pm
Han Sooyoung: bub
im gonna go out and rescue this idiot for a bit
11:21pm
Yoo Sangah: oh my what happened?
11:22pm
Han Sooyoung: i dont know. he hasnt used this signal for so long
11:23pm
Yoo Sangah: i hope it’s not that bad
11:23pm
Han Sooyoung: i rly hope so
11:24pm
Yoo Sangah: go ahead, bub.
text me if you need help with anything, ok?
11:25pm
Han Sooyoung: k. love u
11:26pm
Yoo Sangah: love you too :) pls hug dokja for me
Han Sooyoung went to the location Kim Dokja sent to her. It was a park near Yoo Joongyuk’s unit.
“Hey”
How are—. Of course you're not fine.
Wanna talk about it?”
“Are you okay with that?”
“Yes I’m all ears.
“Joonghyukie. He--”
“He what?”
“He said he wants to get married.”
“What?”
“I know.”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing. I just left.”
“YOU JUST LEFT. BITCH GO BACK!” Han Sooyoung yells as she pulls up her friend.
“No, he’s asleep and drunk. He said it while being drunk. I don't think he even knows he said it. God. Han Sooyoung. I feel so scared right now.”
“Why are you scared?”
“He said he wants to get married.”
“Yes, I know you're scared about those kinds of declarations they will jinx the trajectory of your relationship.”
“No, no. I’m scared. I’m scared not because I'm afraid of jinxing it. I’m scared because I actually want to get married. After years and countless relationships full of getting my hopes up, canceled future plans and jinxing the relationship, it’s the first time that I want someone to promise me and declare their future plans with me.
I want Yoo Joongyuk to tell me he wants to marry me.
I want Yoo Joonghuk to tell me he wants to live in the house with me.
I want Yoo Joonghyuk to tell me he wants to take care of Biyoo with me.
I want Yoo Joonghyuk to tell me he wants to grow plants with me.
I want him to tell me of his future plans with me.
I’ve never wanted someone to include me in their plans as much as I want Yoo Joonghyuk to do it ever since those douchebags I dated before. I’m scared that I love him so much that I'm willing to tear down the walls I've been building around me just to let him in.
I’m scared what if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if I want to include him in my future plans, but he doesn't feel the same way about me? What if he wants to get married but not with me? What if—”
“You idiot.”, Han Sooyoung cuts off Kim Dokja’s blabbering.
“He said he wanted a house, right?”
“Yes.”
“And he asked you to help him get one.”
“Yes."
“And you suggested things to him?”
“Yes.”
“Among those things, who benefited the most?
Gym equipment because he hasn’t been exercising a lot? That guy can maintain his fit without those equipment.”
—-----
An exchange between Han Sooyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk a few months ago.
1:31pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Kim Dokja is complaining about his belly fats now.
1:33pm
Han Sooyoung: and how is that my problem?
1:35pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Would buying gym equipment help?
1:40pm
Han Sooyoung: dude you even came up with ur own routine just so you won’t need to buy those expensive gym equipment and now u want to buy one just because he’s complaining about this belly fat?
1:43pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Yes.
1:44pm
Han Sooyoung: whatever
—-----
“Full body mirror, my ass. Since when did he worry about how he looks?”
10:38am
Yoo Joonghyuk:: Are those full body mirrors that great?
10:45am
Han Sooyoung: huh?
10:47am
Yoo Joonghyuk: I saw kim Dokja getting as far away as he can from the bathroom mirror just so he can get those mirror selfies.
10:48am
Han Sooyoung: and?
dont tell me youre gonna buy him that?
10:50am
Yoo Joonghyuk: Yes.
—--
“He wanted a bed because his bed smells? That guy is one of the most meticulous people I’ve met in my entire life. You even stink more than he does. There's no way his bed smells.”
3:02pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: What’s a good excuse to buy a big bed?
3:04pm
Han Sooyoung: idk tell him you move a lot when you sleep?
3:05pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: I don’t.
3:10pm
Han Sooyoung: then just tell him you want a bed big enough for the two of you.
3:12pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: You know how’s it for us.
3:15pm
Han Sooyoung: okay how about tell him your old bed smells and you just happen to like the design of a bigger bed?
3:20pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: …
—-
“His garden looks dull? I mean, yes but since when did he care about how his surroundings look?”
1:21pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: He’s mourning.
1:22pm
Han Sooyoung: which character died this time?
1:25pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: One of his babies.
1:25pm
Han Sooyoung: babies?
1:27pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Plants.
I mean plants.
Because they’re not getting enough sunlight in his apartment.
1:35pm
Han Sooyoung: i took a screenshot already
filed under “rare times yoo joonghyuk calls something baby (other than his boyfriend)”
1:38pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: …
If I said he can put some of his plants in his garden, how do you think he will take it?
1:40pm
Han Sooyoung: well he didn’t he suggest bringing some of his plants when you guys first checked units?
1:42pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: At this point all of his plants will die.
1:45pm
Han Sooyoung: just tell him your garden looks boring and demand to give him your plants
1:50pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Sounds good.
—--
“He wants a studio setup so his streams have clearer audio? That bastard even has his mic muted all the time.”
9:30pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: I love him.
9:32pm
Han Sooyoung: dude im not a diary
please get your simping out of my inbox
9:40pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: I heard him recording a cover of a song.
9:42pm
Han Sooyoung: i didnt say you should flex your boyfriend
9:45pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Do you think if I said I want a studio setup for my streams, he would believe it?
9:50pm
Han Sooyoung: i dont think so
After a few minutes:
10:01pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: He believed it.
I mean it’s true I would use it for my stream.
10:05pm
Han Sooyoung: you dont even talk in your streams, ur fans are literally starving and begging you to talk
—-
“He wants a cat for his sister? Mia isn’t even a cat person, that stubborn girl prefers dogs that’s why I can’t get along with that kid!”
8:12pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Where did you get your cat?
8:15pm
Han Sooyoung: that ugly cat? idk sangbub got it
8:16pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Sangbub?
8:18pm
Han Sooyoung: yea? my bub sangah
but why are you asking
8:20pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: He won't stop staring at your cat’s photos from the last time we visited.
8:23pm
Han Sooyoung: oh yea he said he wanted to have one but couldn't since his apartment is too cramped the little bean might just die
he said he wants to have one if he had a bigger house and have someone to take care of it together with him
8:30pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: Do you think I look like someone who likes cats?
8:32pm
Han Sooyoung: honestly? NO.
8:34pm
Yoo Joonghyuk: What’s a good excuse for getting a cat?
8:36pm
Han Sooyoung: idk dude… ive run out of excuses you’re on your own kid
—
Looking back at it, Yoo Joonghyuk isn’t a greedy person. He is someone who’s always content with whatever he has. He isn’t someone who always wants to have things unless it’s necessary. The signs have been there all along. Was Kim Dokja too naive to not notice anything, or he already knew it but refused to notice it?
All those things Yoo Joonghyuk had acquired and done, were the same things Kim Dokja hoped to have.
He was reminded of that time when they suddenly went on a trip and both of them were sitting by the deck on the shore. He was so at peace by then he started saying things such as,
“It would have been nice if I could just live like this, in a place big enough to hold all the things precious to me. But instead I have that cramped apartment.”
It was just random rambling by him. Now that he thought about it, it was right after then when his boyfriend started talking about getting a big house.
His thoughts was cut off when Han Sooyoung spoke,
“You know I understand the fear of thinking about a future with someone, only for them to shatter those dreams. And I know how hard it is to believe in those promises when the world itself gives you every reason not to.”
Han Sooyoung sighs as she tries to choose the right words to say.
“I know promises are reassurances that make you hope and look forward to things blindly. But you know what? Those reassurances aren’t only told in words.
The same way love is evident in every gesture and action without the need to say them.”
“I promise to live a healthy life with you” in the form of weekly gym sessions.
"I'll support you in everything you do” hidden in setting up a studio even when he himself barely uses it.
"I want to grow a little garden with you because you love to be surrounded by plants” masked in a dull garden waiting to bloom.
"I want you to be the first person I wake up to and the last person I see before I fall asleep” excused by wanting to buy a new bed because his old bed smells.
"I’m willing to adopt a cat because it makes you happy and I don’t mind taking care of it with you” disguised as his sister wanting to have a cat when Mia herself prefers dogs than cats.””
Kim Dokja didn’t want his partner to make promises and future plans with him on it. He didn’t want to think of a future with someone, only for the other person to realize that they didn’t want Kim Dokja in it.
But what about Yoo Joonghyuk? How can he think of a future without the reassurance that Kim Dokja himself would want to be in it?
How can he love Kim Dokja without expecting anything in return?
How can he love Kim Dokja at present with no regards to his own future?
How can someone like Yoo Joonghyuk love Kim Dokja unconditionally?
Kim Dokja, who was just at lost a few minutes ago, stared at Han Sooyoung as if he had an epiphany.
“Kim Dokja.” , Han Sooyoung calls out as she notices his friend staring at her.
“You know what I’m saying, right?”
“Hmmm.”
“Don’t hmmm me. You’re picking up your boyfriend’s habits!”
“Sorry.”
And thank you.”
“Don’t sweat it. Besides, I enjoyed watching your boyfriend panic whenever he tries to come up with excuses just so he can treat you well.”
“Ugh I’m so blind. And naive. And stupid.”
“Don’t worry, at some point we get stupid in love. But don’t lump me in the likes of you.”
“As if you didn’t cry to me while explaining how Sangah talks while sleeping.”
“Shhhhhh we’re not talking about your business not mine. Have you come up with what you want to do?”
“Yes.”
“Do you need help?”
“Hmm.
Han Sooyoung.
Help me propose to Yoo Joonghyuk.”
Sunlight hitting his face caused by the slightly opened curtain by the window and the tail of his cat causing a tickling sensation on his skin — this is what Yoo Joonghyuk usually wakes up to every morning. But today is quite different.
He woke up to the smell of pastries being baked downstairs.
“What’s the occasion?”, he asks his boyfriend as he goes behind Kim Dokja and almost hugs him from behind, but stops himself from doing so.
“What? I just wanna bake for my boyfriend. That’s all.”
Yoo Joonghyuk thought,
“Isn’t it like those scenes in dramas where the man wakes up to his partner cooking breakfast for two of them?” Except his boyfriend can’t cook but bakes pastries. Not bad. Sounds really nice and domestic. But Yoo Jonghyuk can’t afford to drown himself in such thoughts knowing Kim Dokja doesn’t like being told such things.
His thoughts were cut off when his boyfriend asks him,
“Coffee? Tea?”
Yup. Not bad. Still better than not having a glimpse of a future where two of them are living together.
“Coffee.”
“Wait, I remember something. Here, for your hangover.”
He did quite had a lot of drink last night, thus the throbbing headache that won’t leave his head. Now that he thought of it, his vague memory is telling him that he might have said a thing or two while being drunk.
“Kim Dokja. Where did you sleep last night?”
“Beside you. Oh I changed your clothes because you were sweating a lot! And no we didn’t do /that/. I was so tired last night I didn’t have energy to do anything! You’ve been lifting weights, don’t you? Even without me? You’re so heavy, Hyuk-ah. Be thankful I’ve been using your gym and exercising a lot lately. Having muscles come handy at times!”
Yoo Joonghyuk doesn’t even remember the last time he went to the gym alone. But now’s not the right time to think of that. He had other things to confirm.
“Did I say something last night?”
“Hmmm let me think . Right! You said “tell me you fo—“
“So I didn’t say anything, huh.”
“Yup.”
He still couldn’t shake off this feeling that he said something weird last night. Recollection of him declaring his love for his boyfriend by wanting to marry him is flooding his head. Did he really say it? Or was it just a dream? But if Kim Dokja really heard him say that, he wouldn't even bother to be here in the first place. He would've ran away. He would've left and ended things between them because he’s sure that wanting to marry his boyfriend is the last thing that Kim Dokja wants to hear right now.
One lazy Sunday morning being spent in the sofa bed Yoo Joonghyuk bought a month ago in the pretense of making the living room look big when in fact his boyfriend mentioned about sofa beds being convenient when you want to sleep but not in your bedroom.
Yoo Joonghyuk just playing with Biyoo’s fur and Kim Dokja reading a webnovel on his phone – that’s how they spent the day. This silence was interrupted by Kim Dokja after saying this:
“Hyuk-ah. What if we buy a couple mug, a new set of silverware and kitchen utensils?”
Did Yoo Joonghyuk hear that right?
Didn’t his boyfriend hate those couple items because one of his ex bought a lot of couple-y items but he decided to donate them to a charity org when they broke up because he can’t look at those things anymore?
“I’m fine with it. I mean, I’ve been planning to buy new kitchen utensils since I’m trying to learn new recipes.”
“Oh for the mug! Can we go for something cute like with an animal print on it? As for the silverware, we shall go with the minimalist design!”
So he really heard that right, huh?
“I’m fine with anything.”
With you. Yoo Joonghyuk thought.
It first started as wanting to have a couple mug.
Then followed by moving most of Kim Dokja’s plants to Yoo Joonghyuk’s garden.
“Are you sure of this? You barely left anything to your unit.”
“It’s okay! I can just visit my babies! Unless you don’t want me to?”
“No, no. It’s fine.”
Kim Dokja started staying at Yoo Joonghyuk’s more often too. He started moving in some of his clothes.
“Hyuk-ah, can I put a small chest of drawers in the corner?” Kim Dokja says while pointing to the empty corner of YJH’s bedroom.
“I thought maybe it’d be better to leave some of my clothes here since I’m staying here more than my own unit. At this point I’ll end up wearing all of your clothes.”
“I don’t mind you wearing my clothes though.”
Because you look good with them, Yoo Joonghyuk thought.
“Hey young man you’re not thinking of something lewd there, are you?”
“I’m not.”
Kim Dokja started taking his work at Yoo Joonghyuk’s unit too. He’s often seen working on his laptop at the dining table. Yoo Joonghyuk thought it might be uncomfortable for his boyfriend because there’s no sense of division between Kim Dokja’’s personal and work life. He was about to say he wants a new desk saying maybe he can start his streams in his own bedroom until his boyfriend says,
“Hyuk-ah, is it okay for me to buy a new desk and bring it here?”
“I was about to suggest that.”
“Oh then can you check this desk I found online? It doesn’t cost much but looks sturdy!”
The past few months seemed like a dream for Yoo Joonghyuk. Who would have thought that his boyfriend who warned him about future plans (and co-habitation at that), is now living under the same roof with him?
Technically, they’re not living together. But his boyfriend spends a decent amount of time in his house. It’s not bad if you consider how adamant Kim Dokja is when future plans are mentioned.
He’s content with whatever he has with Kim Dokja now. Marriage? Who would need such a thing? His boyfriend is here. His cat is here. Everything he needs in a house is here. What more can he wish for? Marriage is nice. The idea of being tied with someone you love is nice. But having the most important person in your life by your side is enough.
However, there’s no guarantee that Kim Dokja would want to stay in this house forever. But still, Yoo Joonghyuk thought it’s better than not having anything at all.
—----
10:28am
Kim Dokja: HAN SOOYOUNG.
I GOT /IT/
10:30am
Han Sooyoung: thats earlier!!! didnt they say it’ll take longer?
10:31am
Kim Dokja: IKR! But i got a text this morning that i can pick it up
10:33am
Han Sooyoung: how do you plan to do it?
10:34am
Kim Dokja: Idk
I want to do it in a fancy restaurant but thought he hates crowds and attention
10:37am
Han Sooyoung: well if it’s you i dont think he’ll mind it though
10:39am
Kim Dokja: He had done a lot of “not minding” when it really bothers him just for my sake, i dont want him to do that anymore
—---
Kim Dokja finally picked up the ring he had customized with the help of Han Sooyoung weeks ago.
“Hyukie.”
“Hmm?”
“I want to try this restaurant. You free tomorrow night?”
“You know I’’m always available. Want me to make a reservation?”
“No need to! I’m the one who wants to go there so let me reserve this one, please?”
—-
8:48pm
Kim Dokja: Booked a reservation in a restaurant
8:50pm
Han Sooyoung: i thought you didnt want attention?
8:51pm
Kim Dokja: I wont do it in the restaurant
I’ll ask him to go somewhere else with me after
8:53pm
Han Sooyoung: bitch goodluck update me okay!!!!
—---
“What are you staring at the window?” KDJ asks as he cuts the steak he ordered for the two of them.
“At you. You look pretty with those stars in the sky.”
Yoo Joonghyuk was indeed looking at Kim Dokja. At Kim Dokja’s reflection in the window blending in with visible constellations in the night sky.
“Why look at that when you can just look at your front?”
“Sorry.”
“Pfft. Just eat. Here.”
“Hyuk-ah, have you heard? Sooyoungie is planning to propose to Sangah. Properly this time.”
“It’s time for that, huh.”
“I know I always say they are cringe but I’m really happy for them.“
“Me too.”
“Just imagining Sooyoung getting on her knees to propose to Sangah.. Wow what a sight.”
Yup. What a sight indeed if Yoo Joonghyuk got on his knees and brought out a ring in a velvet box, asking for Kim Dokja’s hand in marriage. But he can’t. He can’t be greedy. Not when he has everything he wished for in front of him.
Trying so hard not to drown himself in such hopeful thoughts, Yoo Joonghyuk tried to change the subject.
“Which reminds me. If Jihye wants to attend their wedding, she has to work on her studies. She can’t afford to have failing grades and attend remedial classes on the wedding day.”
“Oh haha right!”
—-
10:32pm
Kim Dokja: Sooyoung-ah
Do you think he’ll say no to me?
10:35pm
Han Sooyoung: what?
10:36pm
Kim Dokja: He kept changing the subject! Im having second thoughts here!
10:39pm
Han Sooyoung: you reap what you sow
10:40pm
Kim Dokja: ???
10:42pm
Han Sooyoung: maybe he’s changing the subject bcos he knows you dont like talking about such things?
10:45pm
Kim Dokja: Oh.
—--
“Hyuk-ah, can we go somewhere else after this? I want some fresh air.”
“Where do you wanna go?”
“In that ocean we went last year.”
“Alright.”
Was the ride always this long? As they drove to the place he wanted to get to, Kim Dokja started feeling uneasy. Just as the box velvet box containing the ring in his pocket feels heavy.
He started fidgeting and touching all sorts of items he saw in his boyfriend’s car. He has already decided. He had already come to terms with what he wants. He wants to marry Yoo Joonghyuk. He wants to spend the rest of his life with his boyfriend (and future husband, if he doesn’t get rejected tonight). He wants nothing more than a future filled with new experiences and discoveries with the man by his side now.
But how come he’s scared?
What if this isn’t what Yoo Joonghyuk wanted? What if he’s just overreading all the things this man had done for him until now?
He’s still clueless of what’s about to happen, but Yoo Joonghyuk doesn’t fail to notice Kim dokja’s uneasiness and puts his hands on the latter’s thigh, caressing it without saying a word. His eyes are still focused on the road but his touch could convey a thousand words — ‘It’s fine. I’m here. It’s gonna be okay.’
It was right then when Kim Dokja has finally arrived with his own answer.
“Whoah my doodle is still here!” Kim Dokja says as he points out the doodle he had drawn at the deck last year — it was a doodle of a sunfish and a squid.
“Even Yoosung and Gilyoung can draw better than that.”
“Don’t make me doodle your face here.”
“If you do that you would have to share your boyfriend’s face with the tourists coming here.”
“Oh. Never mind then. I don’t like sharing.”
They sat by the deck while looking at the night stars in the sky. Kim Dokja could still feel the velvet box containing the ring in his pocket. It doesn’t feel that heavy as it did before though.
“Hyuk-ah.”
“Hmm?”
“Remember the first and last time we went here?”
“Hmm.”
“I was so overwhelmed with how vast my surrounding is, that I wished I could live here as it can hold all the things precious to me.”
“Yes.”
“I realized I was wrong.”
“Hmm?”
“I honestly don’t want a space as vast as this.
I don’t want a garden. Though it would be nice to have one.
I don't want gym equipment. I mean it could help me get back on track but I won’t mind running laps here and there.
I don’t want an oven. I can just order food, you know?
I don’t want a studio setup. Just singing in the shower is enough for me.”
I don’t want a cat. Oh wait — Biyoo is an exception.”
I don’t want a big bed. I’m used to using a single bed for the longest time, you know!”
And I don’t want a big house. Even if it’s full of things that I wish to have.”
“….”
“I do want one thing though.
Oh wait, actually, two things.”
Wanna hear the first one?”
“What is it?”
Kim Dokja pulls up Yoo Joonghyuk. Two men can be seen standing at the deck by the ocean.
“You.”
“…”
Wanna hear the second thing I want?
“Tell me.”
With this, Kim Dokja, pulls out the ring inside the velvety box in his pocket, now weighing as light as a feather.
“I want to get married.”
He kneels in front of Yoo Joonghyuk.
“Yoo Joonghyuk, will you marry me?”
Yoo Joonghyuk just stared at his boyfriend for a minute before he spoke,
“Get up.”
“Huh?”
“I said get up.”
“Huh? Wait Hyuk-ah you haven’t answered my ques— wait. Are you rejecting me?”
“Kim Dokja, get up. Now.”
Hearing this made Kim Dokja freeze. It felt like time stopped when he heard his boyfriend’s stern voice. He was so sure it’ll go smoothly. But what happened? He was about to ask Yoo Joonghyuk once more when he heard him say—
“I was supposed to propose to you first.”
It was right then when Kim Dokja managed to look up at Yoo Joonghyuk, now full of tears in his eyes.
“You idiot. I wanted to propose to you. But you did it first before I do.”
After you talked about marriage earlier, I thought that maybe we’d have a chance. Maybe I have a chance.”
Hearing this made Kim Dokja cry too. They weren’t bitter and sorrowful tears. They were tears of joy and relief. Kim Dokja stood up and hugged Yoo Joonghyuk while still holding the ring in his hand.
“You bastard! You scared me! I thought I was getting rejected!”
“I’ll never reject you.
To be honest, even though I knew you didn’t want to talk about marriage, I was planning to propose. After we get home, I was planning to pick the design of an engagement ring on the internet.
I was risking it all just to experience proposing to you. I was risking the relationship. Rejection. Everything. Just so I can experience what it's like to ask for your beloved’s hand in marriage.”
“Bastard. You haven’t even answered me”
“I’m so tempted to reject you right now just so I can propose to you instead.”
Kim Dokja let go from Yoo Joonghyuk’s embrace, eyes still full of tears but now with a fond smile on his face.
“What the hell! Yoo Joonghyuk! You know better than this! I’m gonna marry you even if you reject me a thousand times.”
Kim Dokja hugs Yoo Joonghyuk once more.
“Bastard.”
“Yes.”
“Hmm?”
“ I said yes. I will marry you.”
—-
When they got home that night, Kim Dokja posted a photo of his boyfriend’s hand wearing the engagement ring with the caption:
He said yes. (Was about to reject me but i threatened him)
Meanwhile, for the first time ever, Yoo Joonghyuk surprised his fans with a stream entitled Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you . He started the stream with a smile on his face, flexing his hand wearing the engagement ring on the screen while saying “I was threatened” with his boyfriend in the background yelling “Bastard you were about to do a reverse card to me!”