Archive of Our Own

it was almost as if everyone just knew jeongguk would present as an alpha.

from a tender age, despite initially being scrawny and lanky, jeongguk showed precocious signs of a hunter. he was always finely attuned with his hearing, possessing keen instincts and fine motor skills. he’d always been really active and good at sports. everyone loved a good underdog story, and jeongguk checked all the boxes- youngest of the pack, small and shy to cute and confident. from one that hid in the shadows to the one in the spotlight. a perfect alpha.

in fact, jeongguk presented even before puberty came. 

out of all the sons that the pack had, jeongguk was the youngest, and there were times and gaps where he thought he didn’t fit in with the rest. when the rest of them hit double digit ages, jeongguk was eight. when they proceeded to middle school, he was still stuck in elementary school. soon, he’d catch up, but that was after that bridge of a year or so had closed.

their pack comprised of seven families that roamed together, somewhat all close family friends through the lineages. through business ventures and old brotherhood ties, these seven families were closely knit, with all their sole sons growing up as childhood friends. they lived close to each other, the parents often meeting at least once a week, while the children were left to their own devices and played together. the oldest son, kim seokjin, would eventually take over as pack leader in the future. it was no surprise that he presented as an alpha, and would make a fine leader one day with his gentle assertiveness. the pack could, of course, expand or merge with others to become more powerful, but all they wanted was an intimate pack of trust and of similar visions for the future.

jimin weighed in at the middle of the pack.

the fifth out of seven, what jimin would present as was always a toss-up. jimin was always on the cusp, perfectly balanced. he was both sporty and graceful, could socialise with ease while conserving some time for introverted hobbies. he had qualities that could traditionally be associated with both an alpha or an omega, but everyone agreed that he was too exceptional a character to end up as a beta. just an inkling, but it resonated. 

jimin was hardworking. diligent. what he was a slow starter in, he made up for with his cleverness, his quick wit. jimin was modest, humble even if he had a flair for things. he didn't stand out much in the form of looks or height, but he shone when he was on stage, when he handed in his tests.

it never helped that he's always had a crush on jeongguk, who was two years younger than him. it's a phase, jimin always told himself, it's just the familiarity that you prefer.

it didn't help that jeongguk got a lot of attention, especially from the girls, because he was good looking and shined the brightest in sports. and he had a beautiful voice. and he had such beautiful bambi eyes. jimin always preferred to be a bit more lowkey, which was ironic when he danced with everything he had on stage; so he harboured those feelings and swallowed them down, together with the warm gukbap the pack would have, the soju, the words that were always on the tip of his tongue.

and it never helped that jimin was a late bloomer.

it never helped that his scent took a long, long time to transit out of puberty, to his mature, personal scent.

the way that baby teeth would fall out to make way for permanent teeth, the same applied for smells. there were so many factors to this- genetics, diet, class, environment and so on. some would unearth their 'matured scent' immediately after reaching puberty, some only when they hit a mid-life crisis. sometimes it would unlock on its own, due to unforeseen circumstances, when in fear or extreme situations. sometimes it would just take a little more time to unravel on its own. there was no cure or way to accelerate it, as much as science was progressing, or there were all sorts of gummies and pills that were 'guaranteed' to slow down or accelerate the process. even the best of doctors could not come up with a prescription, and one just had to let nature take its course.

the part that hurt the most, was that it was jeongguk who made fun of his scent.

a friend that turned into a foe.

jimin either smelled very baby-like, like powder and jasmine. or he would smell like citrus peel, something sour or bitter with a slight tinge of fresh and sweet.

perhaps it was just a joke, boys being boys and growing up, everyone wanted a taste of power. to be like the cool kids, to feel like the 'it boy', to be fawned over and marked as the leader of something. but it became more and more frequent. jimin never saw the malice in jeongguk's eyes, as much as he would jeer at jimin, going eww, hyung, your scent it just yucky. it's smelly! and then those juniors of his that jeongguk hung out with, in jeongguk's year, would laugh along and point fingers. maybe jimin was just an easy target, someone familiar, someone he knew would forgive him for doing something so foolish.

but the words stung all the same. 

jimin always felt like jeongguk needed to find a big personality in order to match with his bigger physique- to jimin, the sweet dongsaeng he always played with and ate with looked awkward and trying too hard to be a 'bad boy', the way someone was playing dress up with their parents' clothes. but fake it till you make it was a mantra, and maybe jeongguk had just grown into it, with the peer pressure and the need to be cool. he always looked so carefree and suave, excelling at whatever he put his heart into doing. jimin had somehow always wished he could muster some sort of that finesse.

because of this, jimin became self-conscious and started to become hyper aware of his smell. thus, he spent copious amounts of time trying out different perfumes, consulting experts to find the best scent blockers tailor made for him. scent blockers came in many forms. alphas, betas and omegas all had various needs for it, be it to focus, to stop overpowering scents during fertile weeks, to use a scent that they liked instead. powerful people couldn't be smelled having 'gentler' scents like burnt sugar or vanilla, they had to smell 'strong'. athletes had to mask all scents during events to avoid any form of cheating or distraction. common place individuals just wanted to have a say in their scent- my body's smell, my choice- and thus changing up a scent was useful for different occasions, just like wearing something more fancy for an event or something more muted for school.

due to this demand, scent blockers could come as patches, as types of control pills, as bracelets or even just a sachet to carry around, like an air freshener. luckily, it was a blessing in disguise that jimin was always known for wearing accessories, so getting scent blockers that came as a pendant was easy. finding a perfume that he liked and according to the internet, suited male omegas was easy too. the problem was just facing any alpha- and an even bigger problem, was alpha jeon jeongguk.

the first time jeongguk had mocked his smell for being stinky, jimin had cried. he was so heartbroken- and then the sadness turned into numbness because jeongguk always brought it up at every occasion, that ugh, jimin hyung smells so gross! that he started to hate how he smelt. he started to get very nervous around the jeons. they’ve been family friends, roaming as a pack of seven families, so it was highly unlikely that jimin could ever get away from his presence, unless he cut off ties with his family- but that was just something impossible. it was painful, because the jeons and parks were the closest amongst all seven families.

the only way, jimin theorised, was to suppress it and block it for as long as he could. he summoned all the impassiveness he had, tried to avoid all contact. he hated how jeongguk's words had such an effect on him. hated his heart for feeling a way it shouldn't. hated jeongguk for being everything he's wanted in a mate.

fake it till you make it, right?

jeongguk is eighteen now, him twenty. if he doesn't fix this, it's only going to burn a permanent hole in his heart, eat him up alive.

because of this ‘smell’ discourse, jimin started to become more insecure. he knew he wasn’t good looking- he still had lots of baby fat, had cheeks instead of a sharp jawline, was shorter compared to males his age, and wasn't able to gain muscles as easily as others. he's been there, yes, but it wasn't sustainable. seokjin had always joked that people like jeongguk could gain muscle like lifting a spoon.

what jimin couldn’t make up for physically, he tried to do so academically- so he buried his nose in a book all the time, and achieved stellar grades. it was already difficult for omegas, and he had to stand out, or at least be on par with alphas in order to get a good job in the future. omegas were at the bottom of society, and already their society was one that relied heavily on physical appearances. jimin struggled with how he looked, but at least with pen and paper, jimin didn’t have to prove himself as much. studying came naturally, and he was always eager to learn.

but jimin could pour his heart and soul into dancing- once he was on stage and the music played, it was just him and the song, his body moving to the rhythm and performing as one with the music. he was in his own little world.

but thankfully, jimin has his own jimin.

he had a solid foundation and support system in his parents, his home. he can safely go to them for advice, for wisdom and counsel- and so he does.

“it’s so common in korea- one of my friends had an appointment to do double eyelid surgery and get her nose corrected as a sweet sixteenth present,” jimin slowly probes the topic, "even though, she was already pretty. her nose was very cute to begin with,"

“jimin-ah, i know it’s really common here, and a lot of teenagers get plastic surgery without anyone batting an eye,” his mother says, worried but still gentle, “but you were already born so pretty. there’s absolutely nothing i would change about you, jimin-ah. i don’t care what heeseol’s eomma says. or what yebin from art class says. or whatever that kang pack from down the street is yapping about.” she tenderly cradles his face, “to me, our jimin is perfect. i wouldn’t change a thing.”

“but i… people only recognise me when i dance. and that’s when i wear fancy clothes, and put on lots of makeup.”

“our son- i won’t stop you if you want to get anything corrected surgically for aesthetic purposes. it is your decision, and i will always support you- but i would like to say something as well.” jimin’s father gently says, “you know it’s always your mother that’s more particular, but this time, i do agree with her. you are already as beautiful as you are, and you have such a beautiful heart too. i’m not saying this biasedly as your father, but jimin-ah, when you dance, we see your movements, how you become one with the music. you’re a performer, a star- our jimin dances from the tips of his fingers, the roots of his hair, to the toes on his feet; i don’t think any form of procedure can give you any of that.”

“aigoo, our jimin,” his mother quickly wipes away his tears, “if anyone says otherwise, tell them to see me. jimin’s eomma will come and tell them that they should mind their own business! i’ll never ever give them my special radish kimchi ever again,” she laughs when jimin cracks a smile, “if anyone says anything, come talk to me or your dad. we’ll make things work, okay?”

“but i must add,” both his parents hands are warmly holding his, just like it were reassurance and comfort, “if you still wish to go ahead with it, just inform us. we’ll always be supporting you, jimin. even if our pack disagrees, or even the whole of korea is against it- eomma and appa will always be here for you. because we love you.”

“i love you too,” jimin tearfully says, and he never gives plastic surgery a second thought ever again, engulfed in the warmth and tenderness of a family hug of three.

jimin has become a little more confident with his parents' guidance and nurturing, and due to their encouragement, he starts to dress the way he wants to, continues to dance with his heart and soul. who’s there to say that omegas cannot be the prima ballerina? who can say that his efforts and capabilities will be dulled just because he’s an omega? jimin still remains quiet and shy in general, but his friends and social circle have started to grow beyond just his pack. he moves in silence, and lets his effort do the talking instead.

slowly, things start to change.

jimin doesn't know it yet, but with everyday he inches closer to his scent blossoming at its peak, a butterfly effect is set in motion.

he usually goes to the woods to read, which is slightly different from the park- there’s no lakes or ponds there, which ensures that jimin won’t need to see his reflection and sometimes have negative thoughts about it. it’s a place where he can completely unwind and spend some time alone in nature, reading a novel and fully immersing himself in it. as of late, there's been warnings of wild animals on the prowl, so he opts for the grassy side of the park instead. mother nature is healing, in all her vast forms.

engrossed in his book, he doesn't see someone else occupy the other side of the bench. then, his peripheral vision makes him turn, only to see his number one nemesis who's paying him a visit, unannounced. alarmed, he immediately holds out his hands, greeting jeongguk with both his palms. it’s autumn, so the leaves around them are all shades of yellows and oranges and reds, and jimin buries his pink cheeks into his burgundy scarf, plaid with dark green. it's a scarf that jeongguk once told him he looked cute in, back when he had orange hair. jimin also loves the scarf for its functionality, of course.

“please! don’t come closer!” jimin squeezes his eyes shut, it’s not funny at all when jeongguk knows jimin’s had this one arm’s length apart going on ever since both of them became teenagers. when both of them started to drift apart. when jeongguk started to make not-so-nice comments about his smell. “one metre radius, remember?” jimin softly says, gazing from behind his glasses, jeongguk only seeing his pretty lashes. “one arm’s length.”

“right. um, nice weather today?”

“yeah.”

it’s not like jeongguk doesn’t know this is his quiet place, where he comes to read and drink a warm cup of coffee while he’s at it. jimin scoots over to the extreme end of the bench, and jeongguk asks, “is it okay if i take the other end..?”

“yeah, sure.” as if jeongguk isn't already sitting, not that jimin minds. but there's always that hurt that he's been trying to bury. and now that he's almost achieved it, jeongguk just swings around and throws a wrench into his grand scheme of things. effortless as always.

it’s been a while since jimin’s felt the butterflies again. jeongguk’s always been handsome, and it’s no joke how much he’s grown after he hit puberty and became an adult. he’s tried. tried so hard to forget about jeongguk, to forget his silly little crush- jeongguk’s so mean to you, jimin-ah, he’d try to tell himself, write it in his diary, he always makes fun of you and says you smell bad. who even does that, especially when scents are such a big deal? and there’s a chance of you smelling different to everyone? jeon jeongguk is the enemy, you should hate him, jimin-ah. he’s always pulling pranks on you and saying not-so-nice things about you. 

“but i like him,” jimin would whisper to himself, “i know i shouldn’t, but i just really like him… what should i do?”

usually, after a night of tossing and turning, sleep and some school and dancing would help him to forget- but not now. not when jeongguk was sitting just less than a bench away from him, smelling so heavenly and looking so handsome. in just a simple black turtleneck and slacks, and that was all it took for jimin to fall in love again. not to mention, his own sense of style expressed by his sleeve full of tattoos and face full of piercings. jimin just wishes he were a tad bit more attractive, more eloquent in times like this. maybe if he were taller, or just a little prettier, he might stand a chance.

or maybe, if he just smelled good, without the help of any other perfumes or scent blockers.

“sorry, i didn’t wear my lenses today,” jimin quietly says, hands tightly gripping the hard cover of the notebook, “i didn’t… wear much perfume today. sorry. i hope i don’t smell bad.”

“hey, why would you say that,” jeongguk replies in a soft tone, and jimin keeps silent. “why do you always say that?”

it’s not jeongguk’s fault entirely, that’s he’s become so insecure about himself. of course, he’s gotten better over the years, but it’s always easy to relapse and wallow in self-pity all over again. perhaps he’s always had doubts about himself, and jeongguk and his insensitivity were merely the catalyst to his low self-esteem. thanks to his parents and the right friends, jimin was back on the right track. but now that jeongguk tried to re-enter his life as a constant, that alone made jimin internally struggle. the romantic feelings of yearning and pining he’s had towards jeongguk were now resurfacing; it’s not that he’s never addressed them, it’s just that he just threw them into a box, but now the lid had fallen off- the lid labelled as stupid teenage puppy love crush. and he’s always fancied jeongguk, since they were a bit younger. he’s always liked jeongguk, even when jeongguk started to say mean things and made him doubt himself a lot. he knows that jeongguk’s just got a sensitive nose, and that kids often have no filter, but small things, when accumulated, became a lot. maybe a society that encouraged toxic masculinity could also be held to some faults- but eventually a whole mountain of insults, when accumulated and replayed in your mind on a bleak and dark night, was not the most enjoyable thing to fall asleep to. a wet pillow with absorbed tears was also not the nicest memory or feeling.

“you smell… nice, actually,” now, it’s jeongguk’s turn to get shy. jimin turns to his side, pushing up his glasses and staring at jeongguk like he’s said the sky was yellow instead of blue. “you’re talking nonsense again, alpha.” jimin quietly says, opening up his book. he doesn’t want to think, doesn’t want to get his hopes up all over again, only for it to crumble into nothing. “now, if you don’t really have anything else to say, i would prefer to read in silence-”

“i heard you rejected a few alphas’ courtings. i heard eunwoo was about to propose to you, or something. and there’s the sungwoon guy. the taemin person from the lee pack. they’re all pretty good alphas. so why?” jeongguk interjects, going straight to the point.

why? jimin blinks at him, had jeongguk seriously just asked why? was he really that dense? what the hell?

“because i’m not good enough. as an omega, and as a human being.” jimin honestly says back, without missing a beat. “i’m lacking in many ways, so i turned them all down.” jeongguk looks a little shocked at jimin’s direct answer. “and why do you even care? it’s not like… for the past few years, you’ve been here to listen to me and keep up with what has happened, like taehyungie has.”

“i-” jeongguk’s throat goes dry. he can’t find the words, doesn’t have any basis or substance to defend himself. he's been caught off guard. there’s nothing else to say. it’s true. he’s never found it in him to confront the matter head on, so why now? why? why only after jimin’s scent had hit its peak in ripeness? why?

“because i think i like someone now- yes, i think there’s an omega that i think i might’ve fallen in love with. and he always says that we should all strive to be a good person. so… so that’s why, i think.” jeongguk softly trails off, glancing to the side as he steadies his breath. he hopes he didn’t stutter too much, or sound too nervous. or let the nerves seep into his voice. 

so i want to be good to him, from now on. even if he likes someone else.

“oh.” is all jimin is able to muster. “i’m happy for you, then.” it’s not good. the butterflies have transformed into those twisty things in his stomach, and it’s not as if jimin hasn’t anticipated this day to come. it would be good for the pack as a collective, should jeongguk wed a pretty omega from another pack. they would merge and their current pack of seven families could even merge, and become stronger. it's a good thing, jimin tries to convince himself. he'd be able to give up and move on too, by force.

“...is that all you have to say?” jeongguk murmurs, looking at jimin with his doe eyes, “yes. and i would love to go back to reading.”

“but you haven’t even started the book, jimin.” jeongguk frowns, “and it’s not as if you haven’t read this damn book at least thirteen times-!”

“so?” jimin glares back. “you’ve clearly never cared enough for me to read it thirteen times, so what does it have to do with you now? whether or not you marry an alpha or omega, whether they’re pretty or sexy or powerful and whatnot has nothing to do with me!” he says in exasperation, standing up from the bench, “you can have the bench all you want. i’m heading back to the cottage-”

“wait! wait, hyung-” jeongguk grabs his wrist, and jimin rolls his eyes. it’s only in situations like this that jeongguk calls him hyung. just moments ago, had jeongguk not flippantly called him without honorifics? since when did jeongguk ever care about the rules of society?

amber pheromones, like an amber alert.

“don’t come so close to me! i know i don’t smell good, so stop trying to make me feel even worse- i didn’t spray or block anything today, so don’t come any closer!”

what? don’t smell good?

“you smell fucking delicious,” jeongguk growls, and jimin recognises that to be the alpha voice jeongguk has. as an omega, it was only second nature that he would feel goosebumps. 

“delicious!” jimin echoes to himself, more of a pipsqueak to jeongguk’s ears, “what in the world-”

“your scent drives me crazy.” jeongguk exhales. oh fuck, he just said that out loud.

not knowing how to react, and gauging jeongguk’s expression morphing from feral to surprise, jimin scurries home.

smells were a very special thing to each and every being. regardless of alpha, beta and omega, smells worked differently for each individual. each scent was unique, and sometimes they got stronger as one grew older. for some, they remained scentless for their whole life. there were even cases of scents completely changing at a random point in time, with no scientific reason behind it- a case study the schools always taught was a beta, who was born with no scent, started to smell strongly of rain on dry soil, petrichor, during puberty. and that smell changed when they were in their forties, where the smell became of mangoes and cloves, which had no apparent correlation to rain. when they became a grandparent, the smell once again morphed into the pungent scent of chlorine. unverified sources had even cited rumours of their burial smelling like fresh cookies out of the oven. it was very bizarre, but cases like this did exist.

for jimin, as he grew up, his scent started to change too. what jeongguk had detected when they were younger, was the sourness of citrus pulp like lemons, and the bitterness of their skins. jimin was just like the pretty pink of a grapefruit, and had a resemblance to the zesty aroma it gave off. as he matured, his smell started to ripen as well; jimin started to smell sweet like little tangerines, and started to blossom into a graceful young adult alongside his scent, that now had the budding of jasmine and magnolia added to the mix. there was always this very soft fragrance of peaches that jimin had when he was younger, but the sourness from the citrus always overpowered it. and there was the hints of freesia and bergamot too, to enhance his now sweet yet tart scent. it made jimin a little spicier, and it added a hint of sex appeal to his scent as an omega as well- or at least, that’s what jeongguk now thought.

jimin smelled so fucking good.

there was now a floral, spicy edge to jimin’s once acidic appealing scent, and it drove jeongguk over the edge and he went absolutely crazy. whenever jimin’s scent reached his nose, it made him feel all hot and bothered and it was just so rich and overwhelming to him; it was rarer, in the form of scents, that alphas could imprint on omegas in the form of smells. biologically, it meant the chemicals that exuded the smells were compatible. assuming that both individuals liked each other, this was a sign that the universe gave its blessing. 

it was such a shame that jeongguk only figured it out a little later than he should, when the seeds of diffidence had been sown. what exacerbated their drifting apart was also the gradual build of additional classes, clubs and activities, interests and hobbies. and with the two year age gap, things started to hasten pace. he'd pondered and thought about how it all went sour, before he remembered something jimin liked to say- when in doubt, go as close as you can to source.

it was only after some prompting from taehyung and seeking additional clarification from jimin’s parents that jeongguk realised he was the one who set everything spiralling and going south. and now that he desperately wanted to make amends, he didn’t quite know how. how to start, how to even begin with this herculean task. he certainly hoped it wasn't too late. jimin was just so conscious of his presence at all times- he looked so tense and nervous that jeongguk felt so fucking awful for even just wanting to walk up and say hello. to say good morning or good night, like jimin always did. jimin would quickly find a way to escape, and jeongguk felt so terribly guilty for seemingly not giving jimin any room to breathe at all.

funny how this all started with his making fun of jimin's unripe scent, when the very scent was the one sending him on the trail like a bloodhound. almost like a fool's errand, how's he's back to square one. he should've known- he should've held the mirror up to himself, rather than to jimin.

i don’t want you to wear any perfume anymore, was what jeongguk wanted to say, but he somehow couldn’t get the words out of his mouth after seeing how distressed and glassy eyed jimin was. he couldn’t bring himself to try and break down jimin’s walls again, especially when he was the one who had innocently yet brutally forced jimin to build them up at such an alarmingly fast pace.

i like your scent now, jeongguk had wanted to say, you smell perfect, as park jimin, not just as an omega. i really love your smell-

you smell like home.

jeongguk’s scent had matured into a more woody, musky scent- but the notes of clean linen were still strong. it was just the perfect smell for jeongguk, his strong, muscular body represented by the spicier, darker tones. the smell of linen and fresh laundry with a hint of pear and rose accentuated his child-like wonder and pure heart. when jeongguk hit puberty, his scent started to change a little. at one point, for a very short while, he smelt of sugar and cinnamon- a scent that jimin thought was absolutely lovely.

jeongguk smelt a little like the tinge of salt in the ocean breeze, the in-between of rain incoming and a downpour and the aftermath of it.

perhaps his body matured faster than his emotions, and jeongguk now had to put in triple the effort. he had to pick up his own mess, make sure to give the wounds tender loving care.

maybe to kiss it better, was a dream.

he saw this trick on the internet, and he somehow thought that hey, this might work. he'd worked up the confidence to look effortless, slide up to jimin and say, would you like to see a picture? of the omega i like? and true enough, jimin had risen to the bait.

all he sees is his guarded, confused nose scrunch.

“if this is a practical joke, it’s not funny, alpha.” jimin says coldly, handing him back the thin mirror, “i just wish you’d stop fooling around and playing with my heart like that-”

“no i’m not playing around, i’m serious!” jeongguk grabs his hands, firm but gentle, “i know i was really a piece of shit in the past, and i really was one of those terrible, stupid alphas that acted all high and mighty and poked fun at you- but i swear, i was just really stupid and wanted your attention and i thought that was the only way, after a while, because it seemed to have worked, and i know it’s had a terrible impact on both your mental and physical health and i’m really sorry about it but i don’t know what else i can do-” jeongguk pauses to catch his breath, “you don’t need to allow me to court you, i… i completely understand. i’d be super repulsed if someone who picked on me for years started to act so nice in front of me- i know. it’s weird, right? ah, but i really don’t know- it’s so- it’s really sudden, isn’t it..? god, i rehearsed this a million times and i’ve just said the stupidest fucking things when it’s my only chance to get it right and- i’m just really sorry about everything, jimin. i’ve been such a horrible person, and this can’t even be excusable for an alpha. i’m so sorry. truly,” jeongguk hangs his head with such remorse, he can’t even find the courage to look jimin in the eye.

jimin only remains silent, an unreadable expression that clouds his face.

“i don’t think i even have the right to ask for your forgiveness. or even earn it,” jeongguk softly adds, “all i can say is that i’m truly sorry- and i would love to make amends, under your direction, of course.”

jimin would be lying if he said he could forgive jeongguk immediately, for the damage has long been done; but he would also be lying if he said he’d never ever forgive jeongguk. bygones are bygones, and the wounds on his heart of gold had already started to heal. “hurt people hurt people, jeongguk.” jimin softly says, “i won’t condemn your actions anymore, but neither can i excuse them, even though it’s been so long.”

jimin’s words have always been so pretty, even at times like this.

“i know i’m asking a lot, but- would you… by any chance, be alright with friends?”

he hears jimin let out a small giggle, but his smile is still forlorn, bittersweet. and it hurts. his heart aches seeing such an expression on jimin. so delicate, yet so broken in the most perfect of ways. “of course i’m okay with friends. thank you, jeongguk. you’ve helped me to heal a little more today.”

jimin’s simple words alone make tears spring to his eyes. many times, people said or made the slightest remarks in passing, without understanding how much of an impact it would make on another person’s life. it makes jeongguk recall the time someone had called him the runt of the pack at school, and since then, jeongguk had at some point had an unhealthy obsession with working out to become buffer, bigger, stronger- maybe jimin was right. hurt people hurt people. and maybe at the back of his mind, this niggling mantra somewhere in him had told him to get fitter and make sure he grew into a bigger physique. that he wouldn’t cry even when he was hurt. that he had to look manly. that he had to act like an alpha. had to prove he wasn’t as scraggly and sickly like he was as a scrawny pup. 

to prove what, and to who? and whatever for?

“i’m sorry,” he chokes out, jimin holding his wrists gently this time, “oh jeongguk,” jimin wipes away his tears, “what would i do without you?”

jeongguk starts to bring him flowers. starts to ask him to come over for lunch, with him doing the cooking.

all these were done sparsely, as he didn't want jimin to feel overwhelmed or to make him think that it was love bombing. he just wanted to go back to what they used to be, inseparable childhood friends that did stuff together- mundane or exciting, through thick or thin. neither did he want to talk a big game and let jimin down again. none of that was going to happen.

it's still been awkward, nonetheless, but at least jimin doesn't try to run away when they meet eyes in the hallways. jeongguk can see jimin thinking, calculating his options of fight or flight, and feels relief when jimin hesitates but stays.

taehyung goes for different classes now that he decided to major in theatre and acting, a starkly different building from jimin’s science block. as such, jimin only gets to meet his best friend on the weekend if their schedules match. this also meant that they no longer were bus seat buddies this semester. as soon as jeongguk found out, he knew he had to act fast. he managed to trade his highly sought after afternoon and evening classes for morning classes, so he could go to campus and take the same bus as jimin.

jimin usually reads on the way to school now, rather than talk with taehyung, and he grows more reserved. though taehyung’s family lives just next door, small things like that were just different and very special. time on the bus was now quieter, and it gave him more alone time to think and reflect. check off the to-do lists in his head. plan his day based on the mood, the weather. 

“hi, is this seat taken?” jeongguk motions to the empty seat beside jimin, “taehyung hyung goes for night classes now, right?”

“that’s right,” jimin nods, putting his book back into his bag in politeness, “you should take a seat before the bus moves again.”

it’s awkward as the bus jerks back to life, both of them start stealing glances at each other without knowing what to say. jimin fiddles with the pendant around his neck, a daintier scent blocker today, which means it’s not as strong. jimin thinks it would be so odd to ask if jeongguk smells anything funny, so he keeps silent. but it would be rude to start reading- and he can see jeongguk’s phone screen showing something like a playlist, and his earphones are getting twiddled in his hands, as if he’s unsure if it would be impolite as well to just plug in and listen.

you can just listen to your music, jimin thinks, and i’ll read. that way we can just do our own things and not feel bad- to each their own, right?

“um,” jeongguk breaks the silence first, licking his lips, “there’s actually this song that, uh, it reminds me of you. do you um. want to hear? it’s not a korean or english song, but it’s kind of a classic song with different variations? um, if not it’s fine too-”

it’s only when jimin looks at him and has context for his gaze to linger, that he realises jeongguk’s wearing black again. and himself in white. they’ve always been opposites, right? jeongguk’s always been the sun, and he the moon. a white swan and a black swan. do opposites attract? or were people like wires, where like currents in the same direction attract?

“i’ll listen,” jimin holds out his hand, and jeongguk hands him the left earbud. “it’s called the moon represents my heart,” jeongguk softly says before starting the song by teresa teng, “if you look them up you might like the lyrics. i dunno.”

jimin had always thought jeongguk was the sun- radiant and a bright, gorgeous yellow. so very exuberant and fiery and passionate about whatever he did. explosive, even, when angry. you always knew the sun was there or not, whether you loved it or hate it. he thought himself to be the moon, especially since he was always one to enjoy quiet gazing at the sky at night, even if it was a starless one. the presence of the moon and sometimes visible clouds just seemed really calming, even if it was more passive. he even had a telescope and yellow blanket somewhere in his room that he used a lot when he was younger.

jeongguk thought the opposite. jimin was as brilliant and as magnificent as the sun; and he himself was quiet and incapable of expressing things until it was too late, way too late at night when everyone was asleep. yet when the sun rose again the next day, he wouldn’t meet to form an eclipse, but instead shy away and wait for another dusk to perfect his words. it would take time, just as the moon waxed and waned.

he just hoped there would be enough time before the sun had set for good.

out of curiosity, jimin searched up the lyrics. he softly whined into his sweaterpaws, for jeongguk was still that silly romantic boy he's always been.

you ask me how deep my love for you is,

how much i really love you…

ny affection does not waver,

my love will not change-

the moon represents my heart.

just one soft kiss,

is enough to move my heart.

a period of time when our affection was deep,

has made me miss you until now.

jimin had planned on confessing on valentine’s, that 14th of february back then.

ironically, that was the first day that jeongguk said it to his face- that he smelled gross. 

the rose hidden behind his back felt like it had withered in that moment, and the chocolates and letter jimin had prepared were at once going into the trash; the letter was torn up into tiny pieces and discarded in the end, but jimin thought it would be such a waste of food and money to throw away the box of chocolates, do he shared the melted heart pieces with taehyung after sleeping over at the kim’s for the night.

“the first day you made a comment about my scent- it was valentine’s day,” jimin softly says, on one bus ride home, “i was so stupid to have prepared you a rose and everything,” he laughs, now able to talk about it as a silly little memory rather than feeling sad, “i should’ve just tossed you the rose and let you catch it and figure it out yourself.”

“jimin, i-”

“i was… so stupid to even think i stood a chance back then,” jimin softly adds, a bittersweet smile on his face, “i always knew you’d be an alpha, jeongguk. i just knew. and what kind of alpha… would settle for someone… that smelled like me..?” 

jeongguk hates the fact that jimin sounds so small and vulnerable as he says this; hates how genuine his words are, in spite of how defeated they were. hates how he started all of this, or at least triggered and set some impetus to it. they're taking the last bus home today, for there were a couple of projects due, along with practice for the upcoming sports heats. the emptiness of the bus, the darkness of the night just made things more vulnerable, intimate.

“omega,” jeongguk softly says back, “i think you’re wonderful the way you are,” jimin only looks at him with an unreadable expression, “that’s what people say, don’t they? when there’s nothing else to say and they settle for ‘oh, this person has a nice personality’- when everyone else gets praised for their abilities, complimented on their features or accomplishments.” jimin’s eyes are immensely softened now, gazing at him forlornly, “jimin’s always very nice and very kind. that’s all there ever is. jeongguk is handsome and good with his hands, jeongguk has sharp reflexes and is good at sports; jeongguk is tall and has a great voice. jeongguk is-”

“omega.” jeongguk’s using his deep, growly alpha voice on him, and the omega within him whines, with no choice except to listen. that was just how nature worked somehow, with its random assignment of classes to each individual. alpha, beta and omega, and you forge your path from there with either intrinsic advantages from the genes, or a slight handicap in society due to status. you just had to keep fighting, or die trying.

“i don’t ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth ever again.” jeongguk says sternly, cradling his face so very gently, “you are so much more than you make yourself out to be. you’re so gorgeous, jimin- the prettiest of our pack, and any pack in the vicinity. you’re the hardest worker in the whole village, i swear on it. and you’re always there for anyone that needs someone- you’re like an angel with broken wings, that would still take in someone even if you’re hurting alone.”

“y-you’re lying,” jimin quietly says back, but his heart thumps and thumps at the electric warmth jeongguk’s touch gives, his stomach flips and does somersaults as jeongguk gazes at him, intensely tender. “i’m not an angel… don’t say such things if you don’t want me to- to feel-” he feels his chest constrict, his heart pang. it aches so bad. “if you start saying things like that, jeongguk- i’ll misunderstand and i’ll- i’ll just-”

“just what?” jeongguk tenderly strokes jimin’s cheeks with his thumbs, taking his time and making sure to be gentle with him. “you know very well what i’m referring to, alpha.” jimin blushes, unable to stop his rosy cheeks, “i’ll start to fall for you and-”

“-and what if i want you to? what if this is all part of the plan to make you fall in love with me?”

“quit teasing me, alpha,” jimin’s voice is flat, hollow. his expression looks so crestfallen that jeongguk badly wants to fix whatever’s going on inside. jimin’s probably all battered and bruised on the inside, if not for the gorgeous shell of his human form protecting it. “don’t make me go through this again- i know how this story ends, so don’t.” jimin looks at him, eyes pleading, almost. “i don’t want to go through this again.”

“again?” jeongguk repeats, with such honest surprise in his eyes that jimin doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. there’s always been something about jeongguk- and he can’t stop himself from being attracted, from looking his way and just staring at him even from afar. even if he knows he’ll get his heart broken. “what do you mean again-”

“i’ve always liked you when we were younger,” jimin says, prying jeongguk’s hands away from any part of him, “and i don’t want to like you anymore.”

the bus finally halts at their stop, and jimin quickly takes his leave with a small bow. he needs to leave before he starts breaking down in front of jeongguk himself. of course, there’s nothing wrong or bad or shameful about crying and getting heartbroken, but it just wasn’t a nice feeling to open up to the person you wished you would hate, but ended up falling for. even after all these years.

“jimin…” jeongguk says to himself, nobody next to him anymore, “what have i done?”

he didn't manage to walk jimin home, like he intended to.

like he used to.

once the dreaded midterms were over, there was a party held downtown, organised by the student council. it seemed to be all the buzz, finally some freedom after weeks of cramming for exams. plus, there was talk on campus that they were given a bigger budget with the promise of good music, more alcohol, and other incentives like free photobooths and personalised school memorabilia for those that attended.

jimin dyed his hair a honey blonde for this, and he heard jeongguk was coming, so that was a bonus.

apparently, jeongguk going just to ‘take a look’, since he didn't have much interest in clubbing or partying unless it’s with people he’s close to- but deep down, he knew there was another reason. jimin was going. and he wanted to see jimin. just curious, you know, not because he wanted to affirm if he felt a certain way for him or anything. most definitely not because he heard and knows jimin dresses to the nines and always understands the assignment when going for events. it’s not because he gave in to temptation to get a glimpse of what jimin would look like in his element. he's seen jimin dress up, he knows how this hyung dresses affects his mannerisms ever so subtly.

with lives of the party taehyung and hoseok there, and a whole ton of other people there too hyping the dance floor, way too many drinks are handed out amidst the pulsing music and screaming and flashing lights. thankfully, jeongguk arrived late, so he blended in smoothly with the throngs of people. by scent alone, the pack could sniff him out. they were so used to each other's presence, they could've heart a sigh or footsteps and recognise each other at once.

"jeongguk-ah!" he hears yoongi and namjoon yelling at him, seokjin in the back chilling as their designated driver. the three of them are part of the council committee, so they're there to stay and ensure safety of all other students, as well as see to the event's flow. "jeongguk, we're going to need you to take jimin home!"

within their pack, unbeknownst to jimin, jeongguk had apparently started to act weirdly during pack nights and pack dinners, scooping extra portions for jimin, reserving the best parts of meat for him to eat. they'd shoot him many glares and side-eye him a whole ton, to jimin as well, but jimin only thought it was jeongguk trying to make friends with him, the persistent, gradual removal of his 'enemy number one' title. little did he know, to five other people they both grew up with, jeongguk was stepping up and trying to act like a protective alpha.

to a bystander, jeongguk looked like he was quietly trying to court him. shy, even.

"you'd better protect my best friend," taehyung had shouted at him, over the loud bass, "if anything happens to jiminie-!" he drew a slit around his neck, and jeongguk nodded sombrely. 

he reasons it's not safe to put jimin on a motorbike, since he's a little drunk and he might get motion sickness. therefore, he ends up carrying jimin home. it's not too bad if you know all the shortcuts, and they did this all the time as kids. the night is cool, and the music and lights fade as jeongguk trudges through the lanes and patches of grassy land nimbly.

jimin’s parents are out of town, and as he inches closer to their street, he struggles between looking for the house key underneath the potted plant by the park’s front door (yes, they're that sweet, simple family on the street) or taking jimin back to his house. he knows that there’s already been some tension between them, despite the gradual warming up- but now they're just about project mates that do their fair share on the assignment. they're nowhere near falling in love and getting engaged. what if jimin feels uncomfortable? what if he deems jeongguk as an unsafe person all over again?

on the other hand, it feels a bit like trespassing to enter jimin’s home like that, even if they're family friends, when he has no permission whatsoever. so, he makes the decision to take jimin back to his place instead. it reminds him of the times where some of his sunbaes had snuck cans of beer to school and everyone got tipsy even though they weren’t supposed to be drinking. jimin was so sweet about it and managed to haul his scrawny self back on his little bicycle, and managed to somehow clean him up, change his clothes, and make sure he landed safely on the mattress. now that jeongguk’s having his first hands-on experience, it’s tough. it’s really hard, because you can’t communicate properly and get consent for certain things. and throwing alcohol into the mix, everything becomes a grey area.

on the tranquil walk home, everything sounds quiet and jeongguk can smell the soft waft of jimin’s natural scent, his shampoo and body soap and the lingers of his perfume. hell, jimin even smells pretty. how did he only notice it now?

“are you taking me home, alpha?” jimin would murmur into his ear, jeongguk easily piggybacking him despite the dead weight. jimin was very light for his size, and it was not much of a deal for jeongguk, a frequent visitor to the gym.

“yeah, you’re drunk, hyung.” jeongguk mumbles back, although he’s pretty sure jimin can’t hear him coherently to form a conversation. “i need to get you home safe.”

“you really look like him…” jimin mumbles, hands around jeongguk’s neck squeezing a little tighter, “you’re so handsome, stranger nim.”

jeongguk wonders how jimin can still be so polite even when he’s fighting sleep, fatigue, post-adrenaline rush and a whole load of alcohol he downed like water. it’s strange that he wants to continue talking to jimin, so he decides to humour him anyway. “who’s ‘him’ ?”

“don’t y’know… everyone on campus… they call him mature hunk oppa…” jimin nuzzles his face into jeongguk’s neck, like a tiny kitten, “‘nd it’s true, he’s sooooo good looking,” jimin pauses before saying, “said he would come but… di’nt see him…”

“i see,” jeongguk says back, taking a shortcut into the woods, “so you think he’s handsome?”

“hmph, he’s the most good looking person ever and- ‘nd i could never…” jimin’s voice is trailing off, and jeongguk’s heart is just thudding like crazy. he doesn’t really know what to do, and starts to pick up his pace. the faster they get home, the better. jimin needs to rest as soon as he can. it’s not very helpful that he can feel jimin’s heartbeat pressing against his back. “you look like my jeonggukie- are you taking me home? d’you think i’m pretty?”

“of course you are,” jeongguk softly says, “you’ve always been the prettiest, jimin.”

“but he- jeonggukie-” jimin hiccups, and jeongguk is flooded with relief at the turn of the bend, where his cottage is in sight. 

“shh, we’re almost home, baby. hang in there, okay?”

the next conundrum he faces, is that he needs to take off jimin’s makeup.

they’re both particular about sleeping with a bare face- going to bed with makeup on was a big no go. he cradles jimin’s face gently, using cotton pads to dab at his soft skin, before using toner and moisturiser. to think it was jimin who taught him this when they were growing up- jimin was the one who didn’t call him mean things for embracing his feminine side, instead encouraging him to collect pretty makeup products if they made him happy. hyung won’t laugh, he had said so kindly, if you like pretty things and want to collect them, go ahead. anyone can use makeup, you know. and we live in korea, where beauty standards apply for all genders- so do whatever makes you happy.

and yet jeongguk was the one who took all his happiness away.

rousing mid-dab, jimin is still being a good boy and sitting still while jeongguk removes his makeup, and then for a moment, he seems to sober up. jeongguk’s heart almost jumps out of his chest. really, was a glass of water that effective?

“you really- you look like jeonggukie,” jimin continues saying, a sleepy, shy yet pained smile on his lips as he squishes jeongguk’s cheeks in both his hands. then he abruptly leans in and presses their lips together.

“jimin, what-”

“i just gave you my first kiss, stranger nim,” jimin giggles, but it’s clear that he’s still a little tipsy. jeongguk makes a mental note to get some medicine later. jimin usually has unbelievable restraint of a saint- the only time he saw jimin get really drunk was when he thought his results weren’t going to make it for a really important class, and that class was a graduation requirement. other than that, he’d only get a little tipsy and cute in his speech. he’s never seen jimin do anything like this before. “see, it’s no big deal, ‘s just a kiss-”

“what are you doing?” jeongguk whispers, hands clutching jimin’s to stop him from doing anything further, “jimin, you’re drunk- please-”

“i’m so sorry, jeonggukie,” jimin’s eyes are all glassy and sparkly and his lips are jutted out in apology, “‘m sorry… i jus’ couldn’t wait for you any longer.”

“what?” now jeongguk’s all confused. “jimin, what the hell are you talking about?”

“i tried to, i wanted to keep everything for you, but i…” the tears start to roll down jimin’s face, and he looks so beautiful yet broken that jeongguk’s at a loss. his heart aches, looking at jimin like that. it aches and yearns and wants. “dressed up all nice for him, he said… said he would come,” jimin softly says, and jeongguk remembers jimin peering at him when mingyu asked if he was going for the party. he’d shrugged and said, sure, why not, or something to that extent- but he had no actual intention of doing so until tonight. come to think of it, jimin dyed his hair blonde just a day after. and he looked extra pretty, but jeongguk just couldn’t get the words out. so he kept that to himself. he didn't want to seem insincere, or stress jimin out with too many compliments.

“so… for me..?” jeongguk’s flattered, but also confused. he might be getting ahead of himself. jimin probably likes someone more emotionally intelligent, someone smarter too. not just some beefy guy with a sulky stare. jimin’s probably just getting the names mixed up because the alcohol’s effect is weaning. maybe jimin's thinking of mingyu? eunwoo? or maybe even taehyung? namjoon?

“stranger nim,” jimin continues, slumping into jeongguk’s arms, hugging him for support, “you look the same, but don’t tell him, okay? promise…”

“tell him what?” jeongguk eggs, not even sure what he wants to hear, expects to hear. “what… what do you want jeongguk to do?” his mind is running wild- if he wasn’t there at the party, what if the person that volunteered to take jimin home got all handsy with him? there was a whole ton of terrible things people could’ve done. just look at that face! with such a gorgeous face like that, jeongguk didn't even want to imagine what people would want to do with him. even worse, what if they took advantage of him, of his kindness and innocence? what if they made use of him or took compromising pictures? or-

“i want him,” jimin softly says into jeongguk’s neck, “i want him… and i want him to… to like me,”

“what if he likes you already?” it’s barely a whisper, but with just the sound of their heartbeats in the middle of the night, every word is as loud as the silence.

he feels jimin rustle against his chest, probably shaking his head to say no. “he likes… someone else,” jimin’s voice is faint, like he’s about to drift into slumber. “‘s not me… it’s never me- he always says… i smell bad… that i’m short… ‘m not good enough…”

“but you smell so-” jeongguk halts when he hears the soft snores of jimin, slowly lying down on the bed so that jimin won’t be stuck in an awkward sleeping position. jimin’s not letting go of him, arms wrapped around his waist from after their kiss.

“what was that…” jeongguk mumbles to himself, face flushed. he looks at jimin’s peaceful expression, finally giving in to fatigue. he looked so lovely and relaxed, as if feeling safe in the arms of a stranger. he reminders how jimin always says good night and good morning, how he always had a pretty smile to show even when he was tired or feeling crabby.

“mature hunk oppa, huh?” he softly says while playing with jimin’s silky hair, making sure his blanket was covered and his head was on the pillow. he felt like sneaking off to give jimin some space, but jimin literally wouldn’t let him, holding him hostage as his newfound pillow.

the first thing that greets jimin the next morning, is the smell.

it’s not the smell of his room or his bedsheets or his perfume. muscle memory tries to guide him to reach for his phone or alarm clock on the vanity without opening his eyes, but it doesn’t seem to be working. 

instead of mahogany, he seems to be touching hair, or a face. confused, jimin cracks open his bleary eyes and almost jolts wide awake at once. the thing he’s been hugging all night… has been jeon jeongguk?!

he’s frightened out of his wits and feels his heart fall out of his chest at the sight that greets him a sunny good morning. this is jeongguk’s room. then comes the throbbing headache, and he lies down to calm his nerves. fuck, what have i been doing all night? he does a quick scan of both of them and is more than relieved to see they’re both still clothed. okay, jimin, he thinks to himself, you didn’t do anything silly like ask jeongguk to have sex with you. or to ask him to date you. or something.

he’s seen videos of him tipsy where he just talks in third person, like calling himself diminie and whining a little more than usual. he guesses it shouldn’t be that bad, since everyone always teases him for being a cute and honest drunk. not always a wreck, but always cute.

last night was a total blur and jimin could hardly remember what happened, apart from being handed way too many drinks and dancing for a bit. 

“jeongguk?” he softly says, poking at jeongguk’s arm, “jeonggukie? are you awake?” jeongguk doesn’t budge, so jimin leaves it. he remembered making eye contact with jeongguk while on the dance floor, and he thought he must’ve been lost in the lights and out of his mind- there was just no way jeongguk would be watching his every move and that intensely.

he remembers to breathe and take in the morning calm of gentle sunlight, before he yelps when something on the bed vibrates and sounds an atrociously loud siren. he scrambles for the source, which happens to be jeongguk’s phone nestled somewhere in between them, and can’t help but hear his own heart ba-dump when he turns the alarm off. buy jimin hangover medicine. jimin swoons as he holds jeongguk’s phone so gently, as if it were something precious.

“oh, you’re up.” it seems the blaring alarm is the only sound that would wake jeongguk up, and jimin naturally hands it back to jeongguk. it somehow felt so natural yet foreign, for two of them to share a bed. they used to do that, when they had sleepovers as children, but now it just felt so intimate and intrusive; especially when they couldn’t properly set an official status quo for themselves.

“good morning,” jimin gently greets, the sheets rustling as jeongguk gets up too. he’s always had such a cute morning face and that sweet post-awake sleepy expression that jimin can’t help but smile. “i presume you brought me home. thank you, jeongguk.”

“you don’t remember what happened last night?” jeongguk ruffles his own hair, stretching. his voice is deeper in the morning, jimin knows, but now with the whole sleeve of tattoos and the long tousled hair, it hits very differently. he’s going to have not so innocent thoughts if he stays any longer.

“um, did i do anything stupid?” jimin looks and sounds mortified. he’s sure jeongguk wouldn’t have worded the statement like that unless he truly did something astonishing. “oh god. please tell me i didn’t-”

“you said you wanted me to rail you, hard and fast,” jeongguk stares at him, deadpan, reaching for his glasses, and hears jimin gasp and have both his hands cover his entire face in shame. oh? jeongguk’s a little surprised that jimin didn’t deny it at all. usually, he’d be so adamant about something that was untrue- the nerd in jimin always wanted the facts to be laid out on the table, with no misinformation. could it be that he’s actually thought about-

“fuck. i’m so sorry- i didn’t- oh my god. i don’t know what i was thinking, jeongguk. i most certainly didn’t- um-”

“just kidding,” jeongguk laughs, a deep, rumbly laugh that made jimin think of the lovely times they had when they were younger. jeongguk has always been known to tease him, and jimin has missed it so much, despite whining about always being the butt of jeongguk’s jokes and pranks. “sorry. you didn’t say that. don’t worry.”

“now i’m worried,” jimin’s still so flustered and all pink in the face, and it makes jeongguk think if there was some truth to his little lie. “be honest with me, did i really do something stupid? please, jeongguk. i would feel so awful if i…” jimin’s trying to find the words, “if i took advantage of you or something. i’m sorry, hyung should’ve known better.”

you kissed me, jimin. you gave me your first kiss, you idiot. if whatever you were saying was true. you said you wanted me, jimin. and i- maybe i also- 

so many words lay on the tip of his tongue, but jeongguk decides to be more cautious. jimin’s probably going to be so embarrassed if he knew. and besides, he’s actually so cute. he decides to play it cool and only reveal the known facts for now. 

“you told me i was really handsome,” jeongguk starts, noticing that jimin’s relieved to hear that as well as find out his scent blocker necklace is still intact. “and you said i was a mature hunk oppa. i never knew you were into that type..?”

“oh! i- um, that’s just… that’s your nickname on campus, if you didn’t know. it’s always been that or big buff alpha. something like that.” he doesn’t tell jeongguk the personal nicknames he’s coined over the years, like baby star candy or giant puppy prince. noting his leather jacket neatly folded by the side, jimin blinks and realises he’s slept with his contacts in too. his makeup’s been removed, but that’s not what he notices yet. he’s fiddling with his necklace and he realises it’s wearing off. jeongguk’s going to be able to smell his natural scent if he doesn’t move, and quickly.

“i really- i think i should go. thank you for taking me home safely, jeongguk. sorry for intruding and uh, allow me to make a late disclaimer that i probably didn’t know what i was doing yesterday… i gotta wash up and everything, i’ll get back to you soon, okay?” he’s so afraid his smell would emanate soon, or he would start blushing or he’d say something stupid. he has a hunch he said more than that- but now only jeongguk knows what he did last night, and he’s too afraid to know what it was.

it's yoongi that brings it to his attention first.

"the kid's been staring at you all the time, like a lovesick fool," he grins, resembling a devilish kitty, "really jimin, have you never noticed it? apart from puberty, well, where everyone wants to be cool, the brat's always clung to you."

"he simply does not care about the oldest hyungs," seokjin beams, mildly threatening, but mostly smug, "not anymore! where has our good, respectful jeongguk gone? to think he barges in and steals my premium grade hanwoo beef... to cook it for a special someone that comes for lunch?"

here it is again, the mystery omega.

"oh, does that person come over to jeongguk's often?" jimin picking at his own food, "we live pretty close. how come i've never met them before?" he hears yoongi grumble under his breath, seokjin making a dramatic gasp. "really, jimin-"

"you're telling me he still doesn't get it?" namjoon sighs, back from the washroom, "i never knew you'd be the one to break hobi's density record, jimin-ah."

"wait, why is everyone being so mean! why aren't you guys telling me who it is? jeongguk said he's interested in an omega, but how come i don't know who-"

maybe they should tell jeongguk to drop bigger, more obvious hints.

(as if jeongguk doesn't already stare at jimin so blatantly in public, and get so flustered right after he gets caught.)

"aha!" jimin comes dashing out from the bushes, "it was you!"

jeongguk looks a bit startled when jimin emerges, random leaves in his hair, hobbling a little from probably crouching down for too long. "oh. hey, hyung, what are you doing-"

"i've been waiting to catch you in the act!" jimin triumphantly puts his hands on his hips, jeongguk caught red-handed with the envelope. "someone's been sending me gift cards for the bookstore, but i couldn't figure out who... of course it was you, jeonggukie- joonie hyung would've just paid at the cashier."

jimin watches as jeongguk visibly deflates, heart warmed by the effort jeongguk has been putting in. it's sweet, for it reminds him of the jeongguk that used to get them dandelions from the sidewalks to make wishes on. jeongguk mumbles out a string of words, flushed and mildly incoherent, but jimin manages to decipher it. so um. i wanted to buy some of your time but i didn't want it to seem like you're easy to buy over or anything- and i know you like to read, you're in the library while i'm on the track or something. so i thought, how about paying for your time with books? but i didn't know what you liked, so...

"then i'll need to say thank you," jimin offers a shy smile, as jeongguk plucks the leaves from his fluffy hair, "is there anything i could offer in return, you think? in equal or greater value?"

now that the ball's thrown back into his court, jeongguk's faced with another dilemma. should he go big, or literally walk back and go home? they've finally made some baby steps as progress. the audacity he would need to have to say something like let's date, hyung. maybe in another life, where they were already flirting or shipped by their friends or calling and texting all the time. but not now, with whatever this was.

“actually, i- i guess i got everything wrong. you know, i’ve always been a bit shy and somehow thought that i would have to be loud or big enough to mask it, to blend in- and i don’t know why… why i thought saying mean things would get your attention,” jeongguk licks his lips, eyes darting about, “and now that i know that i’ve hurt you- again and again, it hurts me and haunts me. it’s so hard to even put it into words- i really don’t know why i thought ‘enemies to lovers’ would work in real life, i just-” he takes a loud exhale, and manages to meet eyes with jimin. jimin’s sweet, brown eyes that he’s always found so pretty.

“it’s probably going to sound weird, but i really feel glad that you can voice your feelings and thoughts to me,” jimin softly tells him, holding his hands, ever so gentle. the envelope with the gift card has been safely dropped into jimin's mailbox. “the past has already been done, it’s over- but i’m glad, i’m so glad, jeongguk. it’s good to speak to you like this again.”

jeongguk feels his eyes grow wet, his vision blur; jimin’s always had this heart of gold. a heart that he’s always wanted to hold, to chase and cherish- a heart that he’s always yearned for, in his heart of hearts. his voice is going to betray him, he knows. but he has to say it now.

“i guess i’ve- i’ve always wanted to orbit around you, like a satellite. i really loved being in your presence. i just didn’t know how to- what i could give or say-” he hiccups, and jimin’s eyes are all glassy, hearing his voice crack, “anything to make you look at me-”

“there’s something i could give you for free,” jimin smiles, a tear rolling down his face in spite of his smile, and he puts his arms around jeongguk, to find two arms tightly reciprocating, holding him near and dear.

he buries his face into jimin’s neck, as jimin does to his chest; they feel a singular heartbeat, erratic, tumultuous- feel the blooming of hope, of love, of warmth. of kindness and second chances. of yearning, of pining. hunger and want, dulled and decompartmentalized because it seemed like a dream, too out of reach.

when jimin pulls apart, jeongguk’s voice tinges with longing. “please- could i- five minutes more? no, just a minute-” his arms squeeze, a little sadness, a lot more of fear. fear that if he lets go, he might just open his eyes and figure this was all a dream. wishful thinking. a fanciful, hidden desire.

he picks jimin up, holding him so safely, snugly that jimin has to suppress a little laugh of surprise. “you can hold me for as long as you want,” it’s that cute little tinkle of jimin’s voice he loves, “as long as you promise to never let go again.”

“mom… could i talk to you for a bit?”

then he softly told his mother, in tiny whispers, well, what happens- what if i, you know- maybe i feel like i like someone but-

this was all the rose’s fault. after catching sight of jimin hiding behind the wall, jeongguk had made some kind of snarky remark, or whatever came to his mind first. i should get a reaction out of him, jeongguk had thought, and then jimin ran away after god knows what he blurted out. and then he tried to catch jimin but he lost him past the bend of the corridor, only to be met with a beautiful red rose sticking out at the top of the bin. jeongguk had picked it up, and brought it home.

for some reason, he had the thought of giving it to jimin.

hey, hyung. i don’t mean to be weird, but let’s go out together. on valentine’s.

“ah,” he remembers her saying so fondly, “has our son fallen in love with someone?”

“no, no- eomma, it’s not like that- i’m not- it’s just-!”

she’d laughed and then given him a hug, “if you like him you should tell him, you know?”

“uh, how do you- nobody said it was a ‘him’, you know,” he’d mumbled, “isn’t it kinda weird? if i don’t marry a female omega?”

“jeongguk-ah, you know i courted your dad, right? when i’m not ‘supposed’ to?” she inserts air quotations as jeongguk nods, recalling his parents’ meet-cute story, “so what makes you think you’re ‘supposed’ to marry a female omega? why can’t you marry a male alpha, or whichever combination is considered unconventional?”

“...” 

his mother had made perfect sense, and yet jeongguk didn’t know what to say. how should he get this person’s attention? how could he get an omega to look at him? the girls looked at him, that he knew, but jimin wasn't looking at him all slack jawed or googly eyed. 

“it’s your appa that noticed it first,” she’d smiled lovingly, as jeongguk looked back, confused, “your appa brought it to my attention, then i saw the signs too.”

“huh. what signs?”

“you like that cute boy from our pack- it’s jiminie that always comes by to give us extra fruits and flowers.” jeongguk goes absolutely red when his mother hits the nail on the head, saying it so casually as if he didn’t feel like he was about to combust. “he hasn’t presented yet, has he?”

“um, no…”

“alright. i know that all indicators seem to point to him presenting as an omega, but even if he isn’t, and you like him, you must court him properly, you hear me?” jeongguk nods, chewing on his lip, and his mother pulls him in for another hug. “jiminie is a very good kid, jeongguk-ah. i won’t forgive you if you break his heart, even if you’re my son,” she teases, and jeongguk manages a sound of acknowledgement. all the parents he knew were so fond of jimin, he was just so respectful and sweet. “make sure to take care of jimin, okay? i won’t even need to worry because my precious son will be in good hands.”

but how did appa know? what do you mean you saw the signs? what signs?

“you’re my child, eomma would know,” she grins at him, as if reading his mind, “if you really love him, make sure you let him know.”

jeongguk eventually asks him if he’s saved up all his firsts. that damn incident's been gnawing at him, but he wasn't sure if it was appropriate to unpack it, or how to broach it. it seemed like a sensitive topic, and jimin was after all, an omega. alphas could say all sorts of things and get free passes since 'they were an alpha', but with omegas, they conventionally and stereotypically had to flit around such topics. when dealing with obstinate, bigoted individual (which is more common than you think), everything could just boil down to 'oh, you feel and think this way because you're an omega'.

"have you kissed someone before?"

jimin goes bright red at once.

“i, uh. i’m not really the biggest expert when it comes to stuff like that. i’m usually studying or dancing or helping out my father with volunteer work, so…” he tries to play it off as being busy, hoping jeongguk won’t probe any further. it would be embarrassing if jeongguk found out why he’s still single and uninterested in any other alpha out there, even if they were also good looking and had a nice personality. he’s gotten along with many of them, in fact- but for some reason, nobody came close to jeongguk in his heart.

“so you’ve really never kissed anyone before?”

“no..?” jimin frowns, cheeks still rosy, “i don’t understand why you’re so obsessed with this question-”

“because you kissed me that night-!” jeongguk blurts, not being able to hold it in anymore, “you kissed me the night you got drunk, and i didn’t want to bring it up in case you’d feel uncomfortable or embarrassed,” he sees jimin’s eyes widen in shock, his face turn pale. 

“jeongguk, i did what? and you never told me? for so long? oh my gosh, i can’t believe i- where did i get the nerve to-”

“liquid courage?” jeongguk tries, trying to calm jimin down with his pheromones, “and you kept apologising after you kissed me and i didn’t really know what to do.”

jimin looks like a train wreck and his eyes are laden with hurt. he looks so upset with himself and on the verge of tears.

“i didn’t hurt you, did i?” jimin softly whispers, “i’m sorry, jeongguk. i didn’t mean to force anything on you- why didn’t you tell me? hyung needs to apologise properly and make amends for this. oh my god. i never thought i would-” jimin looks so distraught, so disappointed in himself.

“hey, it’s okay.” jeongguk lifts up jimin’s chin, only to catch him sniffling and looking like a wounded puppy-kitty.

“if it helps, i’ve never kissed anyone before either.”

“oh no. fuck. that’s- what have i done?”

jeongguk thought it would make jimin feel better or less guilty, but now all he gets is an omega crying. wet, big drops of tears start falling from jimin’s eyes, and jeongguk feels the need to comfort and soothe. his heart is aching from seeing jimin like that.

“oh i didn’t mind that.” jeongguk wipes at his cheeks gently to rid his tears, “i didn’t mind if it was you, jimin hyung. it’s probably not as big of a deal to me as it is to you, so you don’t have to beat yourself up.”

“no, jeongguk- i think you don’t understand- i- i’ve always liked you and i did all that and now- i can’t believe i-” jimin stops to blow his nose, “i’m so sorry i acted on my own accord, without consent, and i’ve… i’ve taken your first kiss from you,” jimin looks so crestfallen, like he’s accidentally killed his pet fish or toppled a potted plant or something. “jeongguk, i don’t know how i could ever make it up to you-”

“you could start by stopping your tears,” jeongguk offers a small smile, “it’s not as bad as you make it out to be, you know. it was just a tiny peck.”

“b-but still-!” he hurriedly wipes away the tear stains with the heels of his palms, eyes red and raw, and he’s starting to register what jeongguk had said. i didn’t mind if it was you, jimin hyung. wait, what?

“like i said-”

“-you said you didn’t mind..?” jimin starts blinking at him, confusion taking over, “do you not understand the severity of the situation? you just… you lost your first kiss to… to someone you detest,”

jimin goes really quiet after that, and initially, jeongguk had wanted to laugh at him and lighten the mood, tell him that hyung, the severity of the situation? it’s not that serious for you to word it like that! but judging by jimin’s uneasy expression, his worried face, jeongguk seems to grasp the entirety of it. a first kiss must mean so much to jimin for him to react this way. and to think… he’d just wanted to throw it away like that, all because he thought it was never going to happen and jeongguk would never like him.

“jimin hyung,” jeongguk softly says, trying his best to send out calming pheromones, “please, could i say something?” he delicately cups jimin’s cheeks to get him to look at him, “firstly, it’s your first kiss too. i don’t see why you’re fussing about me and not yourself, when you didn’t even know what happened. and also, it’s not that bad of a thing, giving my first kiss to you? why do you make it seem like the world is ending or something?” curiosity genuinely coats his words, as does concern. jimin’s expression shifts, but jeongguk can’t quite pinpoint it.

“because you… you’ve always disliked my scent, and you’ve always laughed at my height, how gross i smell. how can you possibly be fine with giving your first kiss to someone you hate?” jimin’s brows are knitted, his lips bitten between his teeth. “i was wrong to have forced myself on you, i’m sorry. thank you for walking me home. i… i should go,” he quickly swipes at his sweater that jeongguk's helping to carry, his book of the day.

“hyung, please-” jeongguk grabs at his wrist, and jimin has to fight the fresh wave of tears springing to his eyes, “jeongguk, please let go.”

“then why aren’t you upset about losing your own first kiss if this is so impor-”

“because i gave it to you,” jimin swallows, looking away, “and that is more than i could ever have asked for.”

jeongguk felt jimin’s words reverberate and echo in his mind, and felt his hand go limp, allowing jimin to dash off at once.

then he found himself crying, alone.

it happened one day- it was a pack dinner, and jeongguk had scooped him a good portion of noodles, and picked out big pieces of meat for him.

this is how much i care about you, was what he thought he lip-read, but he eventually dismissed it as himself imagining things.

so that was what his father had talked about, when he said jimin’s mother made him see life in technicolour. that it was love at first sight, and the universe conspired to bring them together.

alphas natually radiated pheromones, especially in extreme situations. pheromones for courting, pheromones to ward off potential threats, pheromones to rid stress from their physical bodies.

alphas were able to give off and generally are able to have more control over pheromones as they grow up. once they presented, just like hormones during puberty, pheromones were also easy to get out of hand. it took time to fully be able to emanate and control them at will.

back in his room, recollecting his thoughts and feeling a bit ambivalent for leaving jeongguk like that, jimin recalls seeing bright blue hues.

it's the jeons that of course, have something up their sleeves.

jeongguk had very meekly asked if jimin would like to come for dinner about a week later. of course, jimin had acquiesced. 

"jimin-ah! you're early!" it's jeongguk's mom that waves so brightly and ushers him in when he rings the doorbell. "our jeonggukie's out getting ingredients. that silly boy, i told him to stop stealing the kim's and min's meat, as much as we are family friends..."

jimin can already smell the hearty aroma of a soup or stew boiling, and immediately offers his help. "eomeonim, is there anything i can help with in the kitchen?"

"aigoo, our jiminie... i guess we can make some gimbap, jeonggukie is craving some today."

"ah, okay." as he washes his hands and puts on gloves, she suddenly says, "jimin-ah, has anyone ever told you you're too polite?"

"pardon?"

"you can always call me eomeoni, especially if we become in-laws, you know?" she offers a cheeky wink that makes him blush, and he sees jeongguk in that bunny-toothed grin. 

"w-what! in-laws!" jimin sounds a bit flustered, and it makes jeongguk's mother laugh. "oh jimin, if you must know, you and jinnie are the hot favourites within our pack as a good son-in-law. the adults were talking about it one night, and it seems you're the frontrunner."

jimin opens his mouth to say something, then keeps quiet. instead, he focuses on how to julienne the carrots, helps cut up the danmuji and eomuk into strips. 

"actually, jimin-ah," she carefully puts the knife down, sets aside the spam and cucumbers, "i know it's not my place to interfere in the lives of the kids, but i fear i might've led our jeonggukie on the wrong path." she hesitates, before continuing, "i'm not trying to sell our boy as perfect and the best person ever, but he is very kind and sweet, as you know. if anything, you did not hear this from me- you see, our jeonggukie… he’s a bit stubborn and he’s always been known to get everything right on the first try. there are things he’s not good at too, but i think our boy just can’t handle reaction?” she pauses, stares away from the ingredients to look at jimin, holding his hands, “no, let me clarify that. i think he wouldn’t care if he got rejected to run another relay or rejected from a varsity course- but i think he would care a great deal if you rejected him."

"huh, eomeonim, i don't think i- it's a bit complicated, and i don't think-"

"no, no- jiminie, listen. this is the third or fourth, i think, valentines day that our jeonggukie came back with flowers… and then he holes himself up in his room, all upset. i don't know what he does in there, because that's his privacy, but all i know is that the flowers become our house decor for the week. i know, i sound like im defending him or something- but our jeongguk is a very pure boy. i haven't asked about it because i respect his personal space, but all i know is that he’s very fond of you. i'm sorry, i should've told him or guided him on how to express himself a bit better when he was younger."

"oh, eomeoni, don't say that, please." jimin softly reverts into a less formal way of addressing her, and she brightens up, "our baby presented early, but he is a slow bloomer with his emotions- it's the opposite of you, jimin-ah. please don't tell him i said any of this, it's really not my business to-"

"eomma, you didn't answer my messages! do we still have onions and cabba-" jeongguk freezes when he sees jimin in the kitchen, busy cracking eggs for the gimbap's omelette strips, "oh. hi hyung, you're early."

"indeed."

"uh, mom, you didn't say anything weird, did you?"

"of course not," hie mother laughs nervously, "just asking jiminie about school and how many gimbap rolls we should make."

namjoon had always been a bright beige, earthy, grounded, peaceful. a neutral ground that was gentle on the eyes, calming. taehyung would be a deep green, a jolly yet hearty kind of shade, a playful one but also intense. healing as well, just like mother nature. yoongi was a greyish silver that resembled the 'gloss' in his name. sharp and enduring, sophisticated in the most minimalist of ways. seokjin was of course, a vivacious pink. not part of the rainbow, but always a beloved colour and added in regardless. a bubbly and tender shade that brightened up your day. hoseok was a warm amber, affable and amiable but also a punctual warning, a perfect balance between the stop and go.

“there are so many emotions in the world, and the basic colours we can see are countable- it’s a bit more difficult to see varying shades and tell them apart, like lavender and lilac and wisteria; and many times we feel more than one emotion…”

jimin's father had told him that with time, you got better at differentiating subtle tones, or you could see the culmination point of two colours. it was never the same with any individual, and it was a fascinating realm that was still in its early stages of research.

the deeper the colour, the more intense the feeling. the brighter the colour, the more sudden it arises, like a sudden burst of emotion. for example, when someone was gifted with a surprise, they were likely to secrete a burst of bright pink pheromones. if someone felt down and angry, you could probably get a glimpse of drab blues and greys, sprinkled with white-hot zings of jarring reds. and then there were all sorts of complex emotions- loneliness, gratitude, jealousy, indignance; the list could go on forever.

jeongguk used to give off bright red pheromones around jimin in the past. red was a very delicate colour, for bright red could symbolise anger, annoyance and irritance; whereas a darker wine could mean passion, and a deeper crimson and burgundy could mean undying love.

sometimes, alphas could sense the distress of those around them, particularly omegas and potential mates. they’d try to radiate certain types of pheromones to either attract them, or even just provide comfort. after all, it was an innate primal instinct for alphas to feel protective and sometimes possessive of their mates- particularly during heat cycles or ruts. since the majority of mating bonds were alpha-omega, they had started to evolve, with alphas growing to become more sensitive and attentive to the presence and needs of omegas. although the social hierarchy of alpha, beta and omega still remained in that order of social ranks, society was now trying to progress towards a greater good, where equality was sought after. omegas now having more rights was at the very least, a good step towards egalitarianism.

right now, they were in jeongguk's bedroom after a tense but delicious dinner.

“you’re secreting calming pheromones now, alpha,” jimin notes, seeing the burst of baby blues and greys around jeongguk. his inner omega immediately softens, still on the defence but a lot less wary. the fact that jeongguk was trying to not give off bright red pheromones nowadays was telling enough. grey for serenity, and blue for a little sadness, a little melancholy. “i can see pheromones,” jimin gently breaks it to him, “and jeonggukie’s always had the prettiest colours.”

“jeonggukie?” jeongguk softly repeats the nickname jimin let slip out, in that cute lilt of his, and his heart grows so very warm. he misses it, the way jimin used to fawn over him like that when they were younger. he had found it too clingy and too cute when all he wanted to be was mature and cool. but now, that was so endearing. he wanted to be jimin’s jeonggukie all over again.

“i mean-!” jimin’s pure reactions have always been a treat, and it’s no wonder that he looks terribly endearing with rosy cheeks, the little jut of his beak-like lips when he gets shy. “you know what i mean…”

“do you like my pheromone colours, then?” now, it's all pink. a bashful, baby pink, and it seeps into jeongguk's cheeks.

“i…” jimin bites on his tongue, “your colours have always looked the most vivid to me. but that could be me being biased, i dunno.”

"that's- that makes me very happy," jeongguk says back, failing miserably to hide the smile tugging at his lips.

they've been trying to go back and forth between each other's house, despite being just a stone's throw away, and the rest of the pack were rolling their eyes. you guys make it seem like it's a KTX ride away that's two hours apart, taehyung had said, and hoseok shook his head and lamented that it was under a minute's walk to and fro.

the parks had reciprocated with inviting jeongguk to a homemade dinner, which resulted in all sorts of knitted brows and small grunts of approval. jimin's parents had softly laughed at jeongguk's overenthusiasm whenever he heard that jimin actively helped with setting the table or with cutting the watermelon prettily or with plating the dishes.

campus hours had been cut short due to a last minute cancellation of a lecture, and jimin finds himself heading to jeongguk's house.

"you can come to my room," jeongguk had blurted, and when he realised how suggestive it sounded, he added, “my parents are at home, i won’t do anything strange, i promise. you can just yell and they will be onto my ass. our pack’s cottages are all rather compact and cosy, aren’t they?”

jimin was feeling touched when he realised jeongguk had made a small nesting corner for him, including a small sofa-bed and a few scented items, in case jeongguk's own bed felt too personal. and there was a little teddy bear, and a scented hoodie. “you’re always telling everyone to keep warm and not catch a cold,” jeongguk murmured, “so now i have to keep you warm, too.”

his mother had brought the whole valentine's flowers issue up again, and that is something he probably won't tell jimin about, any time soon. he obviously bought them for jimin, but chickened out and got cold feet- so he kept one flower and pressed it into a small card. he could never get the right words out, unlike jimin.

happy valentine's day, jimin. let's go out on a date and eat tteokbokki and samgyeopsal.

roses are red, violets are blue. you're so cute jimin hyung, happy valentine's day?

ugh, he was just so crap at this that it was so uninspiring instead of impressive. searching up romantic stuff on naver just felt so inauthentic and insincere, and it was a bit embarrassing to ask the poets of the pack (namjoon, yoongi) for help. and he was going to be the butt of jokes (taehyung, seokjin, hoseok) if he ever asked how to ask jimin out. so there was that. 

"thank you," jimin looks so proud in his new hoodie, "i like the design."

"uh, i guess it can protect you as well..?" jeongguk trails off when he sees jimin pout, faux angry. "hey, jeongguk ssi! you seem to be forgetting that i have a black belt in taekwondo-"

"i do too-"

"-and i’m trained in geomdo as well!"

"oh yeah?" jeongguk challenges, grinning, "i do boxing now. give me your best shot." he holds out his hand, but jimin only sulks and gives a half-hearted kitten punch. jeonggukie's bullying me! his eyes seem to say. 

"aww, come on jimin ssi, you can do better than that…" jeongguk lifts up his hands again, resembling a boxing pad. jimin only rolls his eyes and narrows his gaze, swiftly and cleanly hitting jeongguk’s open palm in a concentrated punch.

"ow! what the heck i wasn’t expecting you to-"

"oh my g-" jimin quickly holds his hands cutely, “does it hurt, my baby?” upon realising the slip of his tongue, he follows up with, “i’m so sorry, i just got a little worked up-”

“i like it when you get feisty,” jeongguk laughs, holding jimin’s fists close to his heart, “but if you really want to make it better, you could always give me a kiss.”

he watches as jimin’s ears turn red, his pretty lips turn into a pout. “this is blackmail,” jimin whines to himself, but jeongguk catches it anyway- both his hands and his kiss.

eventually, jeongguk gets jimin a bracelet with rainbow charms on it because it might be dangerous if other people are aware jimin can see the colours of pheromones. while it wasn’t exactly unheard of, studies on pheromone seers were still in a nascent stage. jimin would probably be kind enough not to turn down any invitations for clinical research trials, but jeongguk knows better, and it’s always better to be wary. recently, there’s been a huge wave of exposés in the news, where many so-called ‘doctors’ were injecting unknowing volunteers with all sorts of test drugs, under the pretext of research studies. some even said those tablets were supposed to be a new kind of heat suppressants, only to be found as a mix of opiates and some other illegal substances.

“you can just show me the colour of the charm,” jeongguk slips on the bracelet for him, “so that if we’re in public and you think something is wrong, or i could help with any release of my pheromones, you can let me know safely.”

"oh, jeongguk..."

"i guess you know this since we were kids, but i don’t say ‘i love you’ first because i’m tend to play hard to get but… with you... i think it’s undeniable at this point. i really love you, jimin-ah. i really do."

it was when jimin's father had personally handed over the duty of delivering jimin's annual birthday bouquet to campus, an ongoing tradition that the parks had, that jeongguk knew that he had gotten jimin's parents' stamp of approval. he'd been given the green light to formally court jimin.

when he told his mother this, she was over the moon and immediately called jimin to tell him she loved him so much. jeongguk was very embarrassed but very proud all at the same time.

jeongguk realises that it wouldn't do. jimin needed a necklace to match the charm bracelet, and he found a pretty opal necklace the other day, jimin's birthstone.

“oh, that’s a really lovely scent blocker,” the comment makes jeongguk furrows his brows, “it’s not a scent blocker,” jeongguk continues, “is it okay if i- if i help you put it on? even though it's a normal necklace?”

jimin sucks in a deep breath, then exhales. you're safe, jimin. it's gonna be alright. “okay.”

jeongguk feels his hands tremble as he reaches for the clasp of jimin’s necklace. in spite of his own nervousness, he senses how tense and rigid jimin is, and immediately he tries to release pheromones of warmth, to soothe.

“they’re the colour of the sunset today.” jimin sweetly says, looking at jeongguk kindly. his hands are hovering above jimin’s clavicles, and jeongguk gulps. jimin’s actually even more gorgeous up close.

“so… do you like sunsets?”

“i do.” jimin smiles at him, the overlapping crooked front tooth peeking out endearingly. he gently holds jeongguk’s wrists, guides him to the nape of his neck, “you have permission to do it, alpha. you don’t have to be scared. if anyone’s scared, it should be me,” jimin laughs, and he sees jeongguk’s ears go terribly red.

“okay. um, i’ll take off your necklace now.” he easily unclasps the necklace, and at once, the unthinkable happens. it takes a few seconds, but jimin’s scent hits him like stepping outside only to be hit by a strong gust of wind. jimin’s scent is intense, it’s rich; it’s warm and fruity, sweet and spicy- it's alluring all the same, just more intense.

“jeongguk?” jimin peers at him worriedly, even taking a hand to touch his forehead. “baby, are you running a fever? you’re really red and-” jimin gasps belatedly, “don’t tell me… are you in heat, alpha? oh wait, alphas don’t have heats! uh, rut? is this a rut?”

“fuck,” jeongguk lowly mutters, “it’s not supposed to be this strong.”

“oh. i- is there anyway i can do? to help?” jeongguk figures he must look really weird, for jimin looks a little flushed yet concerned.

“you just remember what colour you see right now,” he grits, trying his best to control himself. jimin thinks he looks like he's in pain, just that there are no external injuries. it's like he's strugging to move.

“it’s black,” jimin says quietly, not running or doing anything, for fear of triggering some kind of imbalance. he doesn’t even know if he should put the scent blocker back on, if taking it on and off so abruptly might do anything to jeongguk. “it’s like, a really dark, inky kind of black.”

“whenever you see this colour from an alpha,” jeongguk says, breathless as if gasping for air, “run.”

“why?”

“this is the colour of lust.”

"jimin, do you trust me?"

"of course i do." the lack of any hesitation, the way jimin replied so naturally, holding hands and everything when they went to campus; all of it just made jeongguk swoon and fall more in love everyday.

"okay. i'm going to do a social experiment, but it might be a bit dangerous, so i need your consent. and i need to you trust me."

"baby, you're scaring me." jimin looks so cute today in his prescription glasses and argyle vest, but jeongguk needs to prove a point. he needs to show jimin his power. "i trust you. wait, alpha- these are the segregated blocks?"

generally, as per the usual heirarchy, alphas would get their ruts at the beginning of the month, betas mid-month, and omegas their rut at the end of the month. out of which, the most common mating pairs would be alpha-omega, which was also genetically and biologically the strongest prototype. hence, over the years of evolution, cycles started to interlock and trigger the ending and beginning of the months to be the most fertile- where rut and heat cycles tended to overlap.

they were now at the segregated blocks, as per the students' nickname for it, isolated away from the main campus. these were the older blocks with older equipment and used as storage or rehearsals for its space. rumours had it that it would be demolished within the next year to make way for a new gymnasium or art gallery. therefore, the punks that wanted to cut class or lounge around tended to roam here, staying for a quick nap or to evade teachers from catching them.

"okay, so when i tell you to take it off, you do that, but right after, you put it back on, okay?"

"um... okay..."

peeking through one of the dusty, old classrooms, they spot a group of male alphas. they were openly vaping (much to class president jimin's dismay) and had their tattoos on display (against school rules). if alone, jimin would immediately skid off in the opposite direction. but with jeongguk around, he felt safe, as much as the social experiment aspect had him a little confused.

"now!"

the moment he unclasped his scent blocker, the heads of once calm and lazy alphas immediately snapped towards him, and the rays of the dark, black aura started to flood the whole room that goosebumps started to rise on both jimin and jeongguk's arms. "put it back on, oh sh-!"

everything happened so fast that jimin felt like he was in a manhwa, and the evil black auras of malicious spirits were coming to get him. without a split second of hesitance, jeongguk had picked him up in his arms, whisking him up and down flights of stairs, whizzing past corridors and blocks until they were both dizzy and panting, before arriving at the main campus building, straight to the rooftop.

“so um. yes. that’s the experiment- uh, i hope that didn’t scare you, i know i put you into a lot of danger and i’m so glad that you have faith in me but it’s just- are you… are you okay, jimin?”

“what just..?” jimin softly says, squeezing his eyes shut so he won’t have to see the objects around him spin. he’d been so astonished at how fast jeongguk could run. “just a little dizzy.”

“sorry that we’re not one arm’s length apart,” jeongguk quietly says into his hair, scooping jimin into his lap, and gently guiding jimin to rest his head on his shoulder. “take all the time you need.”

ah. it seemed that jeongguk was quite prepared to have this as the destination, and jimin finds a straw poke at his lips. silly jeongguk and his trusty banana milk. when he opens his eyes again, the afternoon sun's rays revealed itself in between the passing of fluffy clouds.

"oh my. that was... something," jimin exhales, "i most certainly was not expecting that. but i'm here in one piece, so i'm glad..?"

"so what i wanted to demonstrate was-! it’s that your scent smells so good now and it’s perfectly uh, i dunno, melded into some sort of mixture? or something? that’s fully capable of sending five alphas into rut at once. and we don’t even know if that’s your scent at its strongest, or if your wearing of scent blockers has muted your natural smell. and therefore i reach the conclusion that-"

“your heart’s beating so fast, jeongguk.” at that, jeongguk laughs and lies down, with jimin following. "okay, no need to play it cool. god, i'm tired. it's been a while, sprinting like that," they shift to release the exhilaration of the chase fizzle out, finally giving way and letting the exhaustion of the sprint get to him. jimin rests his head on jeongguk’s belly, cheesy smile on his face.

“t-then does jeonggukie..?” and he sees jeongguk squeeze his legs together and grumble under his breath, “okay, maybe six alphas, not five.”

jimin closes his eyes, curled up like it's a good napping spot. "so anyway, my point is that-"

"that those alphas were horny as hell?"

"yes, that too, but also-"

"that you love me?" jimin's eyes twinkle in the sunlight, and jeongguk just forgets everything. he was about to say something amazing, but nothing is ever quite as amazing as jimin.

"...yes, that i love you very much."

okay, so the previous incident just ended off weird, so he's going to ask jimin out, properly.

he gets a bit nervous, so he calls jimin. even though it would be great if jimin's around, he wishes jimin was out. but alas, they were both semi-homebodies on the weekend and the answer was quite straightforward.

“um. i’m at home right now, actually.”

“uh,” jeongguk dumbly replies, and jimin holds in a laugh. jeongguk’s recently been acting all funny but it’s a nice feeling; the fact that jeongguk’s now the one initiating things (even like a call to ask how’s work when he literally lives two houses away) makes jimin’s skin tingle. “you sound nervous,” jimin soothingly says into the phone, “don’t be. you know i don’t bite.”

“but you bit me before,” jeongguk blurts, “do you remember the time seokjin hyung spiked the fruity drink at some stupid town event for all the packs and i got a little tipsy and i carried you and i refused to put you down and you got dizzy and you bit me and everyone thought it was a hickey and we had to explain that-”

“jeon jeongguk!” jimin huffs, hurriedly and cutely scolding him to stop his non-stop recollection, “you know i don’t literally mean biting you,” jeongguk swoons as he hears the smile in jimin’s words, “if you’re that big of a dummy, i meant that you can come over if there’s anything you wanted to say. i guess you won’t be that nervous if we meet in person..?” jimin trails off, and jeongguk gets even more anxious.

i can’t look at you and say this, which is why i’m calling, jeongguk wants to say, how am i going to look at your angelic face and not fumble again-

“uh okay.” is what he settles with, and jimin hangs up. what jeongguk doesn’t hear, is jimin immediately going to his front door and opening it, awaiting jeongguk’s arrival. he pats his cheeks, as if to rid it of the pink hue, but he only goes redder.

“okay, let’s breathe,” jeongguk tells himself, “you’re just going to ask jimin to the movies. it’s no big deal. it’s just a movie.”

“hi,” jimin says, when he spots jeongguk by the gate, and it warms jeongguk’s heart to see that jimin’s probably been waiting by the door since their conversation ended. he felt bad that he had to make sure he looked decent, and jimin must’ve gotten antsy while waiting. “hi. did i keep you waiting..?”

“not at all!” jimin replies way too quickly, and they both ignore that, heading to his room.

“so… what was it that you were struggling on the phone with?” jimin gently says, not at all mean, but more of concern. “are you having difficulties with math again? i understand the syllabus has changed, so it is a bit harder now…”

“no! i was um, i was wondering if you’re available? to um. do something?” he almost wants to kick himself at how pathetic that sounded. on the other hand, jeongguk has officially confirmed that jimin’s presence does indeed make him extra flustered.

“now?” jimin frowns, “well, i do have some time and maybe some of my notes could help? give me a moment, i’ll need to find-”

god, jeongguk thinks, this is not going well at all. “no like this weekend!” he quickly says, just as jimin is about to get up from the bed and get his books, “i want to-! do you want to watch a movie with me!”

jimin just blinks, and that’s when jeongguk anxiously starts to pick at his peach fuzz. “um. if you’re busy, that’s fine too. i was just… asking,” as the silence drags on, jeongguk wants to punch himself for not having the guts to say it over the phone. every additional second of silence was just excruciating now, with the both of them just staring at each other. thank goodness he hadn’t bought the tickets yet. he didn't even know what was now showing or good enough for a date.

“but isn’t jeongguk the one that’s always saying going to the museums and cinemas is silly, because everything can be viewed and found online? you’re always advocating for online streaming, so i don’t see why-”

“w-well that’s true but at the cinema, uhm. popcorn?” jeongguk weakly says, but jimin seems to be oblivious, “jeongguk, you’ve always been the one making popcorn when the pack gets together for movie nights.”

jeongguk seems too stunned to speak. he’d completely forgotten that jimin was quite the attentive person, and he was not expecting such a thorough process just for a ‘date’. if only he’d reciprocated when jimin was in love with him. maybe things would’ve been so much easier then, for both of them.

oh no, jimin’s alarmed when he sees a bright orange aura coming from jeongguk, he’s very distressed. i shouldn’t have asked so many things and just-

“what movie are you planning on watching?” jimin decides to say, and finally jeongguk seems to relax a little. “um, spiderman? it's a re-run, but-”

“ah, marvel again.” jimin hums, and jeongguk once again becomes distressed. the orange looks like a flame now. “again?”  

“that’s not what i meant!” jimin quickly holds jeongguk’s hands, as if to physically show him support, and at once jeongguk’s body releases its tension. jimin’s thumbs somehow find their way to calmingly trace up and down the veins on the top of his hands. “i mean, it’s just like we used to… when we were a bit younger. we’d always watch the marvel movies together, even if we had plans to watch them with friends later on,” jimin looks at him all nostalgic, “but then we got busy and our… smells and tastes changed.” 

“jimin…” jeongguk says so very softly, “but we could always- again-”

“things just weren’t the same without you,” jimin adds, ever so quietly, “i watched endgame alone and cried and i cried even more wondering if you had cried too,” then he laughs, “although that was quite silly of me,”

“no it’s not,” jeongguk uses a hand to cup jimin’s cheek, “that’s a valid question, actually. and i cried. i watched it alone and… i wanted to see your reaction to that scene but there was nobody sitting next to me, so…”

“jeongguk-ah,” jimin tenderly looks up at him, leaning his cheek into jeongguk’s touch, “you could invite me to look at the plain walls in your room and i’d still make the time for that, you know.”

it’s that nickname that jimin uses, that makes jeongguk’s skin tingle, as if he were peter parker with the spidey-sense. but thankfully he’s not, or he’d go crazy at every thought of jimin, the sound of every word that he uttered.

it’s that look that jimin gives him, not at all seductive or sultry or anything like that- it’s just his pretty eyes so full of love, so very soft when looking at jeongguk- that makes him swoon; makes him feel all giddy and special and that he could do even the impossible in this world. 

“jimin-ah,” jeongguk echoes, sounding way sadder and more fervent than he’d imagined, “you know i-”

“you what?”

“i just- i wanna- you smell so sweet,” jeongguk sighs blissfully, wishing they could stay this way for a bit more. at the mention of smell, jimin’s eyes widen, and he makes sure to keep his distance, kicking his blanket to form a ridge between them. his small hands immediately fly to touch his throat, bare with not even the simplest accessory. he was planning on studying and lounging at home today, so he was just in a loose tee and sweats, just like jeongguk. he was wearing a hoodie before this, so it didn’t occur to him that he didn’t even have a necklace or scent blocker patch on.

“i’m so sorry,” jimin says, as if frightened, “why didn’t you tell me earlier? i completely forgot to- does my room smell funny? oh no, where’s the air freshener- the fabric spray-”

“jimin?” jeongguk’s startled too, at jimin’s adverse reaction, “jimin, nothing’s wrong? your room smells nice too, there’s no need to-”

“no but- my perfume- i don’t know where, um, all of them are, and-” jeongguk quickly comforts him in a back hug, entire presence engulfing jimin’s smaller physique, “stop worrying, angel. you smell just fine. your scent is lovely,” as if to prove a point, jeongguk buries his nose and nuzzles at jimin’s neck, “see. very nice.” before he knows it, jimin’s surrounded by blue and purple, a very beautiful sort of amethyst colour. jeongguk’s gotten better control over his pheromones now, and it helps a lot. it feels so nice.

“thank you,” jimin manages to squeeze out of his lungs, now not as panicky as before, “i’m relieved.” when jeongguk’s grip around his waist loosens, jimin quickly makes half a ballerina turn to bury his face into jeongguk’s chest now. he hears the hearty rumble when jeongguk laughs, and it floods his body with warmth. “so cute,” he hears jeongguk remark, “my little kitten,” and somehow jimin manages to make a little purr.

“i- hold on- jeongguk, do you know what pheromones you’re releasing right now?”

“huh? i’m not-"

“alpha- do you have good control over them, or are you unaware when your pheromones are released?”

“well i generally have a good sense of them when i’m conscious… why?”

“um, do you know- um, that- your pheromones now- you’re radiating lots of them and it might have an effect on me because-” jimin swallows, watching as jeongguk comedically grabs at his chest, as if a squeeze would work like a lever and stop pheromone release.

“what… am i releasing now? am i hurting you again?” jeongguk sounds forlorn as he tries to put more distance between them, back to an arm’s length apart, “i’m sorry, i wasn’t aware-”

“purple,” jimin suddenly blurts, cheeks so very red, “your pheromones are purple.”

“...what does that mean..?” jeongguk frowns, waiting for an answer to figure out why jimin has his face in his hands, “i’m really sorry, but i don’t think i’ve heard of emitting this colour before-”

“purple pheromones are for… courting,”

“oh. i- that’s not- i mean, that’s not exactly wrong…”

as if on cue, jeongguk tries to regain control, and jimin sees the purple become lighter- jeongguk’s trying to emit scents that will calm him down.

“alpha…” jimin softly whines, “that’s not fair,”

“what? i’m trying to love and protect you. is it working? do you feel better?”

jimin cannot help but feel so impossibly endeared. watching anything with jeongguk is far better than any movie he could imagine. maybe they'll do the ghibli film marathon that they'd been planning since they were teenagers.

jeongguk is being very squirmy today.

“uhm, jimin hyung… i actually- i have a request..?” he sounds so apprehensive about it that it makes jimin frown. whatever it is, it’s making jeongguk very uncomfortable.

“what is it, jeongguk-ah?” there. that seems to make him a little more relaxed.

“ah, well. you know how alphas usually scent things for their omegas- or whoever their partners are, right?”

“uh-huh,” jimin nods, “and you’ve given me a number of precious things to treasure.” he watches as jeongguk flushes, putting his hands out and waving frantically.

“oh no, that’s not what i meant,” he mumbles, sheepish, “i mean, i know i gave you some stuff and it’s only the right way to court you, as an alpha. but what i’m getting at is,” jeongguk starts to falter, seemingly conflicted. “uh, like- well, you see-”

“jeongguk-ah?” jimin softly nudges him, brows knitted, “is everything alright? are you hurt?”

“no, i’m good. it’s just…” he gnaws the insides of his cheek, resisting the urge to pluck at some peach fuzz, “gosh. baby, this is going to sound so weird. please don't judge me-”

“you know we’re both the type of people who are terrible at lying,” jimin laughs, “you can just say it.” then he pauses, lovingly rubbing jeongguk’s arm, “but if you don’t feel comfortable now you can always tell me later, or say it to someone else,”

“no, it has to be you!” jeongguk blurts it a little too loudly, and both of them are washed over by a coat of pink blush. “well, i mean, it’s related to you, jimin. i mean hyung. ah, i had it planned out in my head, it was supposed to sound really cool and amazing. but i don’t know why now-”

“oh dear,” jimin murmurs, “did i do something wrong?”

“shit, i knew this would happen if i didn’t do it right on the first time,” jeongguk grumbles to himself, taking a deep inhale. he holds jimin’s hands for some courage, and starts to say in one breath, “jimin hyung i know it’s really weird to ask you this but could you also scent something for me to keep as well even though you’re an omega and it’s alphas that do it because i want one and i enjoy smelling you even though this sounds so creepy-”

“oh my goodness, jeongguk-! breathe, please!” jimin’s more alarmed at the rapid pace jeongguk’s speaking in, hastily checking his forehead. nope, no sign of a fever. he replays the audio in his head, then blinks at jeongguk.

“uh, my smell..?” he can’t wrap his head around it. they’ve come so far with a 180 degree change, from jeongguk detesting his scent to… wanting his scent?

jeongguk heaves a loud sigh. “see, i knew you’d make that face,” he can’t help the corners of his lips curling into a smile.

“what face?” jimin scrunches his nose, to which jeongguk grins, tapping his little nose. “the puppy-kitty face.”

“there’s no such thing!” jimin whines, before steering the conversation back, with the same puppy-kitty expression. “although, i’m so flattered that you’re even asking,” jimin’s eyes are all sparkly, “i don’t even care what you want it for, it is unconventional, yes- but i’m so honoured,”

“if i knew you’d look and feel this way, i should’ve asked earlier,” jeongguk mumbles, “your scent is very comforting.”

“jeongguk… you really should’ve told me,” now jimin’s all pouty, and he’s making his way to the cupboard where he opens the last drawer and digs into the corner. “i mean, well, i guess we have telepathy.”

he’s kept the hoodie jeongguk lent to him once when the pack was watching a movie. he’s worn it so many damn times, that oversized, plain black hoodie, that it smells just like him instead of its original owner.

“my missing hoodie-!” jeongguk’s eyes shine as he sees how it’s gotten so worn out. to be loved is to be changed. “maybe… you can keep this one,” he tenderly says, smelling jimin on its soft material, “but it’s one of your favourites-”

“and you still kept it?” jeongguk smirks, “even knowing it’s my favourite?”

jimin’s cheeks go rose red, hugging the hoodie for comfort as he pouts, “all your hoodies are identical, your whole cupboard is black, it’s not like-”

ah, his missed having this back and forth. he’s missed teasing jimin just to see him pout. it looks like he’s going to have to give his whole cupboard to jimin now.

the days passed by even faster, with them buying each other flowers, going on cafe dates, fixing lego flowers and the lego bonsai together.

jeongguk took every opportunity he could carrying jimin and holding hands- when jimin would protest that jeongguk-ah! we're in public! he would simply retort, jimin ssi, you were the one who told me to never let you go.

lately, jeongguk's newest fascination is blowing raspberries on jimin's soft tummy. intrusive thoughts, he'd admitted while biting his tongue, as jimin's tummy had looked so soft and smooth and he just smelled so lovely. it was too inviting to resist. and it didn't help that jimin was all giggles, just like a baby.

it's a random, idyllic day in jeongguk's room, when he suddenly halts all ministrations and sits upright with a sombre expression. jimin's still talking about the funny video they watched, before realising the stark contrast in jeongguk's expression.

"baby? what's wrong?"

jeongguk's fidgeting, biting the insides of his cheek, picking at an old scab. it worries jimin, for he's never seen the alpha this serious and nervous altogether- jeongguk's pheromone colours are going haywire too.

"jeongguk, you're scaring me. what's happening? are you okay?"

"i can't do it any longer, hyung," jeongguk's looking at his glassy bambi eyes, "i have to come clean with you."

"what?" his heart drops. oh god. is jeongguk going to say this was all a social experiment? everything was a lie? that this isn’t love? his stomach sinks. his world is spinning.

"there's actually... a reason why i nitpicked a lot on your smell, and many other people's scents."

"but we've worked past that, right?" jimin's cradling his face gently, willing him to look into his eyes, "my love, you know that we can overcome anything together-"

"it's because i don't have one."

it's silence, before the words sink in.

what? jimin’s a bit too gobsmacked to comprehend the situation. he doesn't even know where to start. scentless? his musky, fresh smelling jeongguk? no way. that was absolutely baffling. and yet, jeongguk didn't look like he was pulling his leg. not even the hint of a smile. in fact, jeongguk looks so small, so vulnerable. jimin's glued to his spot on the bed that it doesn't occur to him jeongguk's made a quick exit and re-entry.

"smell it," he thrusts a pretty indigo bottle into jimin's hands, "this is 'my smell'. or rather, my curated smell."

face scrunched, jimin takes a whiff- the smell alone makes him feel less uneasy. this is his jeongguk, in bottle form.

"hey. don't look so stressed," jimin tries to poke jeongguk's cheeks into a smile, massage his wrinkles away. "i mean, it's a bit of a shock for me, but it's not like you've done anything immoral or wrong... i just need some time to wrap my head around it, i guess?"

apart from the indigo perfume glass bottle, jeongguk holds another spray- jimin recognises it as a de-scenter, something in between a cleanser and sanitizer, but for smells.

while waiting for it to take effect, jeongguk softly mumbles, "okay, perhaps i may have developed a faint scent of my own… but it’s very faint. everything you’ve always smelt… it’s not real, jimin. i'm sorry for deceiving you all along- i just never felt confident or whole as a person without a personal scent, or as an alpha without a distinct smell of my own,"

it was rare to be scentless yes, vut it wasn’t the end of the world or anything. it just meant you had more control over it in a nurture way, rather than a nature way. jimin was puzzled as to why jeongguk would go to such lengths to hide this.

"jeongguk, come here." jimin beckons him close, and he rests his head near the scent glands on jeongguk's neck and inhales.

"you actually smell sweet. it's not strong, yes, but it's there." for some reason, jimin found it attractive in its own gentle form. he smelled a bit like honeysuckle, heady and nectarous, a little like jasmine tinged with vanilla. there was no longer the concentrated masculine aura that emanated from jeongguk's personalised perfumes. then jeongguk's mother's voice pops into his head, a little something she had whispered when they were hunting for ice cream. i don't know how to explain it, jimin- but something about you made jeongguk want to grow up and mature faster. it's almost like he wants to be a man to impress you.

what the heck is 'men' anyway?

"you don't think it's weird? i presented very early too, and everyone was wondering what my scent would be and-" jeongguk's about to hiccup and blink back his tears when jimin gives his face butterfly kisses. "i don't care. you could smell like poo and i'd still love you all the same. i admit i did think that your scent would be woody and potent, but i think you smelling nice is just a bonus. i don't mind."

“you were my catalyst.” jeongguk smiles, shy, “my scent disappeared the day i realised i really wanted you to look at me.” when jimin just blinks at him, jeongguk blushes and looks away. “um, no idea if that’s a good or bad thing, but you made it happen. so yeah. you’re my catalyst.”

jimin can hear his voice shake, see his pheromones appearing in deep, violet rays. oh. jeongguk feels so strongly and deeply about him.

“oh gosh,” jimin mumbles, a little taken aback by this profound revelation, “i didn’t know that.”

“of course you didn’t,” jeongguk grins, scrunching his nose, “i’ve never told anyone.”

“it smells kind, and gentle,” is all jimin says, “i like your scent.”

"even if i don't really have one?"

"yeah. at least we don't have to be an arm's length apart for something odourless," jimin giggles, "i guess i'll just have to keep smelling you until something happens."

"but what if nothing happens?"

"then nothing happens."

jeongguk squeezes his hands, fingers intertwined, and jimin gives him a bright smile. jeongguk is emitting one of the most beautiful purples and deep reds he's ever seen in his life- two shades of tender, in a tug of war.

"i have good feelings about it, though."

"me too, but-"

"none of that, jeongguk-ah. your catalyst is going to make good things happen for you, and for both of us."

"you think we could last forever? what if everything disappears-" another reassuring squeeze, as if to say, i’ll be right here, standing next to you.

"just trust me."