Work Text:
“Sup bro,” Zayn says, dropping into the unoccupied chair next to Liam. It's two pm on a Monday, and Zayn is dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, not to mention wearing sunglasses. Indoors. He’s pretty much the physical embodiment of every douche-baggey frat boy stereotype that exists, but Liam is still half in love with him anyway.
Not that Liam would ever tell anyone in the house about that. Although there is a lot of homoerotic touching constantly going on, what with the slapping butts and hitting everyone in the junk and drunkenly passing out all over each other, but Liam knows how weird things would get if they found out he’s gay.
“Hungover again?” Liam asks, even though he already knows that Zayn was up all night drinking and getting laid. The sock on the door that kept him from entering their shared room and instead end up sleeping on the couch made that perfectly obvious.
Zayn reaches over to snag Liam’s homework and begins copying him. “You know it, dude. I was fuckin’ waaasted. Finally nailed that chick Lisa that I’ve been trying to get with, sorry for the sexile. Liam, man, you gotta start partying with us or the guys are going to start thinking something’s wrong with you. Plus you have to punch that v-card sometime during college.”
Zayn’s hobbies include chugging Natty Lite, impressing girls with his fake ID, hanging out with their fraternity brothers, eating pussy, ranking his hookups from a scale of 1 to 10, and teasing Liam about being a virgin.
They haven’t known each other for that long, but Zayn is the kind of person who can easily get comfortable around just about anyone. They’re nothing alike, but somehow they became friends when Liam was just a pledge. That’s how they ended up sharing a room in the frat house, where Liam began to fall for possibly the straightest guy he’s ever known. If it wasn't glaringly obvious already from how many girls Zayn brings home, then it would be clear from the way he burps without covering his mouth, leaves dirty towels and socks all over the place, and how beer makes up around half of his diet.
Not only are they roommates, but they’re also in Music Theory class together. Business is Zayn’s major, so Liam was pretty surprised to see him there on the first day. At the time, he told Liam it was because he had a free elective and his advisor recommended it, but later admitted that one of his friends had to take the course and told him it was full of hot chicks.
There are a lot of pretty girls in the class, but Liam and Zayn always end up next to each other. Liam suspects that Zayn only sits with him because he gives him homework answers and lets him cheat off of his tests. They’re friends and all, but they don’t actually hang out that much unless they’re home at the same time or attending meetings at the house together.
It’s just that Liam doesn’t always feel like he fits in at the fraternity. He doesn’t really drink and had never been to an actual party with alcohol before college. He always does his homework and actually cares about his grades. Not to mention the dreaded gay virgin status, and the guys don’t even know about the gay half of it.
He’s really not ashamed of being gay either. He’s been mostly out since high school, but then he never actually had to tell anyone. Most people just assumed, due to his straightened hair and nice clothes and love of chapstick.
Very few straight guys have lips as soft and shiny as Liam’s.
But Zayn had started talking about girls, and at that point Liam hadn’t made any friends in the house yet and he wanted Zayn to like him. So he played along and talked about tits and it was okay. He was going to say something about it, but then it got to the point where it was too late to randomly throw it into a conversation. And now it's been so long that it would be weird that he never mentioned it.
“Come get coffee with me,” Zayn says, when class is over. “Fucking Jagermeister, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m gonna barf if I don’t have caffeine in the next five minutes.”
“You said that last week,” Liam smirks, attempting to hide his grin. Hypothetically he knows that hangovers suck, but it never fails to amuse him when Zayn dramatically states that he’s never drinking again.
“I see you enjoying my pain over there, Chuckles McGee. Just wait til this weekend when I get you drunk off cheap beer and watch you make an ass of yourself. We’ll see who’s laughing then.”
“Not happening,” says Liam. “I only have one kidney. I’d die if I boozed like you do.”
“Whatever dude, I googled it. You just have to drink a fuck ton of water to keep yourself hydrated and shit.”
“Wow, you actually did research on my behalf,” Liam says dryly. “I wasn’t sure you even knew how to turn on your computer.”
“Harry helped me. He wants to watch you embarrass yourself almost as much as I do. So put on your party pants cause we’re throwing a kegger this weekend!” Zayn says, throwing a fist in the air.
“I guess one drink won’t hurt,” Liam says. His high school friends weren’t the underage alcohol consuming types, but Liam has to admit that it might be fun to let loose. He’s always been responsible, reasonable, reliable Liam, and what better time to have a little fun than college?
“The classic ‘one drink’ line, “Zayn says knowingly. “Used that one before, and it usually ends in puking on some rando’s lawn.”
“Unlike you, I don’t need alcohol to have a good time,” Liam sniffs.
“You said that about sex too, but once you try ‘em you’ll wonder how you went so long without ‘em. I have a feeling you’re getting drunk and lucky this weekend, my man. Yolo, dude."
Because he’s actually kind of a giant nerd, Liam goes to his parents’ house for dinner on Friday night and ends up staying for a several hours, telling them all about school and sharing the few funny yet also appropriate stories he has from the frat house.
By the time he gets back to the house, the party is already in full swing. He doesn’t actually recognize anybody he knows, so he wanders around looking helplessly lost until Niall rescues him. Niall’s wearing a shirt that says “PARTY WITH SLUTS” and has a beer can in each hand.
“Double fistin’, dude,” Niall says. He chugs one of the beers then throws the empty can on the ground before dragging Liam in the direction of the kitchen.
Niall pours two shots of tequila and hands one over to Liam, who hesitantly clinks his glass against Naill’s then downs the shot. He splutters at the way it burns but immediately takes another shot straight from the bottle. Someone offers Liam a beer and he accepts it gratefully, swishing the taste of straight alcohol from his mouth.
Moving through the packed house proves to be difficult, but Liam finally finds Zayn standing with Harry and Louis on the large upstairs balcony. Zayn’s in his typical fratboy uniform— mint green polo with a popped collar, distressed jeans, and sandals. His hair is spiked up and he’s wearing a diamond earring. He also looks like he’s been to a tanning salon recently.
Liam can’t even control the giddy smile that’s threatening to take over his face.
“Vas happeninnn brosef,” Zayn says, giving him the standard fist bump they all greet each other with. He tips his red plastic cup against Liam’s and exclaims, “You’re actually drinking!”
“Said I would, didn’t I?” Liam responds. The alcohol is loosening him up already, but Liam still feels like someone’s kid brother, tagging along with the cool older kids.
“Let me inspect that,” Harry says, snagging the cup from Liam’s hands. He takes a whiff of the drink and grins, “Mostly whiskey and a little bit of Coke? A lethal combination. I approve.”
Suddenly Niall appears out of nowhere, launching himself at Harry and clinging to his back like a monkey. He yells “I’m drunk as shit!” right into Harry's ear before he jumps down and runs away, patting a few girls on the butt as he goes.
“Fuckin’ lightweight,” Harry says, but there’s a touch of fondness in his tone.
Zayn slings an arm around Liam’s back and says, “Okay boys, listen up cause I got a plan. Harry, get the whiskey, and Tommo, sign us up for beer pong. Tonight we’re getting schwasted!”
Liam takes a deep breath and chugs his drink in one big gulp.
“So what kinda chicks do you dig?” Zayn asks, after the other guys have left. He points to a blonde girl standing a few feet away. She has large breasts and a small skirt, and Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Yo, she’s stacked. You into that?”
“I’m not… I don’t…” Liam says helplessly. Fuck. He’s got to tell Zayn he’s gay, and Liam must be drunk to even consider that. But he has to before he ends up in the bathroom with some girl on her knees in front of him. He just needs to drink another beer first.
“Check out that girl over there. I fucked her sister, she was pretty good. Wonder if it runs in the family.”
Zayn is directing his attention to a petite brunette in a denim miniskirt and Ugg boots, and Liam interrupts firmly with, “I need more alcohol.”
Liam is wasted and he likes it. No, scratch that. He loves it. His body feels pleasantly relaxed and all of his insecurities have steadily drifted into the background. He has been introduced to countless people and even danced for a few minutes. Zayn’s been by his side all night, offering him drinks and becoming more and more touchy-feely as the evening progressed.
Zayn’s not the only one who’s been close by. Every time Liam turns around, there’s Louis, smiling in Liam’s direction or brushing past him to place a hand on the inside of his elbow. Liam is starting to feel like he has a shadow.
The three of them are back in the kitchen, but this time Zayn has one hand on Liam’s waist while the other holds a drink to his lips. He insists on teaching Liam to shotgun a beer, and when that fails he decides that Liam needs to work on his chugging abilities.
Liam must be hammered, because he almost blurts out I can think of something else I’d like to swallow.
“The trick is, you just open your throat,” Zayn opens his mouth to demonstrate then gets a cross eyed look on his face, realizing what he’s said. “No homo!”
“Just gotta open your mouth and take it, right bro?” Louis says, nudging Zayn and shooting Liam a flirty wink.
Not only has Zayn had his hands all over Liam all night, he’s also said “no homo” no less than ten times. Liam is torn between wanting to cry and wishing he could kiss Zayn all over. But while he’s been busy lusting after Zayn, Louis has been looking at Liam like he’s a tasty gay lollipop that he wants to lick everywhere, and Liam can’t help but wondering if his secret is out.
Just as Liam is about to lean over and finally confess, Niall appears from another room with three girls. They’re all wearing tiny shorts and bikini tops, and Niall wraps an arm around one of them and proclaims, “I am so fuuuckin druuunk.”
“Hello, ladies,” says Zayn. He’s so smooth that Liam wants to swoon. “Welcome to our house.”
“I’m about to get my dick sucked!” Niall yells, grabbing the girl he’s been holding onto and pulling her away. He throws two fists in the air and stumbles into a trash can.
“Get it bro!” Zayn says. Louis reluctantly detaches himself from their group to help Niall up off the sticky floor.
Zayn pushes Liam forward towards the two remaining girls. They smile at him, sweet and coy and obviously eager. They’re both very pretty, but Liam is gayer than Christmas and he’s actually a little bit afraid of vaginas. Still, if Niall can get their attention, surely it must not be too difficult. Niall is definitely cute and clearly a good time, but he’s also possibly about to succumb to alcohol poisoning.
“Let me get you girls some shots,” Liam says anyway, lining up four shot glasses in a row and filling them with some pink lemonade vodka he finds on the counter. They all cheers and toss them back, both girls gasping at the burn until Zayn hands them an energy drink to chase the taste.
“Another!” one of the girls exclaims, leaning heavily against Zayn. He’s got a hand on her ass and when she’s not looking, Zayn catches Liam's eye nods towards her and flicks his tongue suggestively.
Liam takes another shot, and then one more.
Eventually Liam realizes they’ve been paired off, and he’s got one girl and Zayn’s got the other. Zayn’s girl is kissing the side of his neck and he’s stroking a hand up and down her bare torso, fingers slipping under the band of her bikini top.
Liam’s girl puts a hand on his shoulder and looks at him expectantly. He glances at Zayn who nods at him like go on, so Liam leans in and kisses her. She tastes like lipgloss and sugary vodka and wow, it’s surprisingly not too bad. Maybe Liam does like girls after all.
He deepens the kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist until their tongues touch and— nope, he can’t do it. He’s definitely gay.
Zayn must notice the confused expression on Liam’s face, because he interrupts the kiss by asking, “You girls smoke weed?”
“Duhhh,” Zayn’s girl says, shamelessly adjusting her breasts in her bathing suit.
“Wanna come blaze in my room with us?” Zayn asks, and the girls look at each other then giggle and nod.
“We just have to tell our friends where we’re going so those drunk bitches don’t leave without us,” the girl who has been talking to Liam explains. Zayn tells them his room is the third floor, first door to the left and to come meet them there in a few minutes.
“Oh, and ladies?” Zayn says over his shoulder, “Don’t bring your friends. We don’t like to share.”
“Burn it uuupp dude,” Zayn says lazily, handing Liam the bong. Liam hasn’t smoked pot before, and while he’s curious, he’s way too embarrassed to admit to Zayn that he has no idea how to light the freaking thing.
“Can’t, too much alcohol,” Liam slurs a little bit. “And shouldn’t we wait for your girls, anyway?”
“Come on, Li,” Zayn scoffs, and Liam’s heart flips over at Zayn giving him a nickname. “It’s been twenty minutes. They’re not coming.”
“They’re not?”
“No way, man. Their friends probably dragged them home. Fucking sucks, I know those chicks were DTF.”
“Oh,” Liam says quietly. He feels like he just narrowly avoided getting himself involved in a four way with two girls and Zayn, and he’s mostly relieved but is drunk enough to admit to himself that he’d really be okay with seeing Zayn naked.
“Are you just that fucking hammered, or have you never hit a bong before?” Zayn takes the lighter from Liam and grabs the bong with his other hand and shows Liam what to do. “Put your mouth there. …that’s what she said! Okay, now breathe in.”
Liam inhales the smoke and begins coughing right away. His chest is burning and his eyes are watering and he gulps out, “Oh fuck, oh fuck!”
Zayn tosses him a half empty bottle of Gatorade, and it’s not until Liam’s lungs have stopped trying to explode that he realizes Zayn is rolling around on his bed laughing his ass off. Liam flops down on the bed next to Zayn and asks him what’s so hilarious.
“You had the most panicked look on your face, and I’ve never heard you swear before,” Zayn says, holding his side like it hurts to laugh. “Funny shit, Li.”
“Glad my pain amuses you so,” Liam mutters.
“I did warn you about the one drink only nights being the craziest,” Zayn says, although nothing really wild has actually happened. Liam is just— well, he’s pretty drunk and the weed is starting to affect him too, making everything feel slow and dizzy in the best possible way.
“It was awesome though, right?” Zayn continues.
“Yeah, it was really fun. Thanks for convincing me,” Liam smiles.
“This is gay as shit,” Zayn says, and Liam’s not sure if he’s talking about them laying on the bed together, or the conversation, but yeah, Liam’s feeling pretty gay right about now.
He’s so lost in the haze of weed and alcohol that Liam doesn’t even see the tackle coming until Zayn is halfway on top of him, pressing Liam down into the bed. He fights back against Zayn, struggling to get out from under him by kicking his legs and flailing his unpinned arm. Their breathing soon becomes ragged as they wrestle, then Zayn’s hip accidentally rubs against Liam’s crotch and and he can't stop a gasp from escaping his mouth. Liam hadn't even realized he was getting hard until then.
Zayn’s eyes widen a little bit and he pulls away, quickly moving back to his own side of the bed.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Liam says, and hides his face in his hands. Liam has never been so embarrassed in his entire life, and he just wants to go to sleep and forget this ever happened but he can’t because he shares a room with Zayn and there’s nowhere to run. He just wishes his stupid boner would go away at least.
“Hey dude, no worries. Pot makes me horny too,” Zayn says casually, interrupting Liam’s thoughts. “Want me to give you a handie? I’ll do you if you do me.”
“W-what? You can’t just— Zayn. No,” Liam splutters.
“Come on man. What’s a HJ between friends?” Zayn shrugs. “Louis and I do it sometimes.”
“But. But you guys aren’t gay!” Liam says.
“I’m not, Lou is,” Zayn explains. “And you are too, right? Louis said you were, but I didn't believe him til I watched you kiss that chick earlier. No offense, man, but you kinda looked like you were going to cry.”
“Gay! Me, gay? Of course not. No! I don’t know why you would— where you would get such a— Well okay fine. Yeah, I’m gay.”
“It’s cool homie. I already knew,” Zayn says. “So do you want me to put my hand on your dick or what?”
“Yes please.”
When Liam wakes up, he’s confused for all of five seconds before remembering what happened last night. He’s still in Zayn’s bed, wearing Zayn’s basketball shorts, and Zayn is laying next to him and it’s probably going to be so awkward because Zayn is— Oh, he’s awake.
Zayn slowly cracks one eye open, “Suuup.”
“I was just… leaving,” Liam says.
“Don’t go,” Zayn says, grabbing onto Liam’s hip to pull him back into bed. He laughs a little at Liam’s wince, mistaking his discomfort for pain. “Hangover from hell, right bro? How’s it feel?”
Until then, Liam had been too concerned with the fact that he slept in Zayn’s bed half naked and obsessively worrying about his orgasm face to consider the massive headache he is experiencing.
“Oh god, my head,” Liam groans.
Rummaging through the nightstand beside the bed, Zayn triumphantly produces a half smoked joint. He lights it then takes a huge hit before passing it to Liam.
“Smoke up, this is nature’s hangover remedy,” Zayn says.
“I think I should just drink some water,” Liam protests weakly, but he takes the joint anyway. He breathes in the smoke and hands it back over to Zayn, and they trade it back and forth for awhile.
Liam is already feeling better, his headache slowly subsides and the nausea mostly fades away. Zayn eventually stubs out the joint but Liam doesn’t leave, since he’s feeling perfectly content to stay in bed with Zayn as long as he’ll let him. He’s just about to drift back to sleep when he feels Zayn’s arm wrap around his waist to pull him closer.
“So last night was pretty tight,” Zayn says, voice deep and husky like he’s on the verge of sleep as well.
“Yes, it was… fun,” Liam says hesitantly. He has a feeling that Zayn is about to let him down easy.
“I mean, I’m not gay or anything. Well, one time Louis made me watch some gay porno and I totally popped a boner,” Zayn says thoughtfully. “But I never thought I was into dudes like that.”
“Of course not, I didn’t expect—“
“Yo, lemme finish. I never thought I was into guys. But I like you, Liam. And I totally think about you all the time when I jerk off.”
“How romantic,” Liam remarks.
“Whatever, I can be all romantic and crap. I’ll even hold your hand and get you flowers and all that gay shit if you want. Just— give me a chance, okay? I’ll even learn to suck dick for you.”
“Well, when you put it that way,” Liam says, but it’s not going to take much to convince him. At this point Zayn could probably take him to a football game or out for beer and hot wings and he’d give it up.
“Sweet, now let’s go back to sleep. This chick flick moment is becoming a buzzkill.”
Eventually they do make it out of bed and head downstairs, picking their way through plastic cups and other trash all over the place. Neat freak that Liam is, he’s about ready to get down on his hands and knees and start scrubbing the place, but Zayn talks him into waiting until they’ve at least had breakfast.
They find Harry passed out on the sofa. He’s got on a blonde wig and he’s wearing a slinky black dress and hooker stilettos. One of them is dangling off the toes of his left foot. Zayn is quick to inform Liam that this isn’t the first time this has happened.
“Vas happenin Harriet!” Zayn yells into his ear.
Harry startles so fast he rolls off the couch and lands on the floor, then remains there tangled in a pathetic heap. “Christ, my head. Fucking tequila,” he moans.
In the hallway, Niall is asleep in a metal grocery cart. Zayn shakes him awake and Niall rubs his eyes blearily for a moment then announces “Bloody Marys for everyone!”
“You want?” Zayn asks, raising an eyebrow at Liam.
He shakes his head, “I’d rather die.”
“Suit yourself. Come on, I’ll make you breakfast,” Zayn says.
“You know how to cook?” Liam asks.
“Trying to woo you, remember?” Zayn reminds him, and sets out everything they will need for breakfast— eggs, bacon, pancake mix, bread and butter, and juice.
He busies himself frying the eggs and bacon while trying to also flip the pancakes, but the romantic gesture turns out to be a total disaster. The eggs are runny and not in a good way, the bacon gets burnt to a crisp, and the fumes from the pancake griddle actually set off the smoke alarm. Niall comes running into the kitchen wearing a cape and brandishing a water gun, determined to save them all.
In the end, Liam and Zayn head to McDonalds for sausage biscuits and hashbrowns then go back to the frat house to make out for awhile in Zayn’s bed. They both declare it the best date they’ve ever been on, even if Liam is still secretly saving his virginity for a candlelit dinner and a movie.