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Regulus didn’t have time for this. He hardly had any time left at all. The plan was set for tonight. All he had was today. That was all that life was willing to give him. Once it was gone, so was he.
And this is how he spent his last day. In a cramped and smelly shack in the middle of Merlin knows where, with werewolves and idiots. Keeping up appearances until the last minute. It was abhorrent.
“Look alive, Black.” Travers muttered while daring to nudge him. “Won't be too long now.”
Regulus glared. He hated waiting at the best of times and Greyback had already made him spend over half an hour of his precious time trapped in this hell.
“Won't be too long.” Travers said again, more to himself this time. His leg was twitching and he kept looking at the door. It was pathetic. Just because he was scared of being near these creatures, that was no reason to show discomfort. Especially not in front of them.
Mother was right, purebloods really weren’t what they used to be.
And that was exactly the problem. Wasn’t it?
Even in settings like this, surrounded by those who were so clearly below them, someone from good stock like Travers still couldn’t seem to control themselves. He wasn't able to command that respect and superiority that Mother assured Regulus that purebloods deserved.
No. Travers was making it very clear that he was just a wizard. Quite an ordinary one at that. There was nothing about him that was special. Nothing to be lauded. If anything, he was to be pitied. Because, honestly, look at him.
So if superiority didn’t automatically come to Travers through his blood, blood that belonged to the sacred 28, what made any of them special?
It was a thought that plagued Regulus for longer than he cared to admit.
He knew he was privileged. And with that privilege came responsibility and a certain amount of decorum. He had to behave in a certain way. Hold himself properly. Strive to show his superiority through action and skill. It demanded a lot of finesse and attention. It was a burden he was happy to carry. Because it showed that he was better.
Yet, other purebloods didn’t seem to embody that. They had all of the entitlement and none of the responsibility. Ladies who flitted from flirtation to flirtation with no intention to marry. Men who drank and squandered away their family’s assets. They were, at best, incompetent. At worst, out of control.
What was more, the people who seemed most in control, most deserving of respect through their actions and powers were some of the biggest blood traitors. He had first noticed it when he was at school. The shocking difference between Professor McGonagal and Professor Slughorn for example, well… Regulus knows which of his teachers had the superior skill and authoritative demand for respect. It was perplexing to witness as a child in Hogwarts. And the matter hadn’t gotten any clearer as he had grown.
As he grew older and stepped into his role as the Black heir things had become more confused. Especially considering the change in expectations and responsibilities that had sprung out of nowhere. No longer was he supposed to be a master of his own family. The strong figure his father and grandfather had been before him. Now he was supposed to defer to another.
It rankled.
Regulus was now the heir to one of the oldest bloodlines in the country, in Europe. Regulus could recite centuries worth of ancestors without a second thought. He was as close to royalty as one could be (without bothering to sully themselves with something as muggle and antiquated as thrones and crowns). He was it. The best of the best.
Yet this man had taken Regulus and his peers and made them kneel. A man who never bothered to explain his own right to be there. Never elaborated on his own heritage other than an unsubstantiated claim of descent from Salazar Slytherin.
It didn’t make sense to Regulus. It didn’t fit into the world structure that his mother had drilled into him. Yet she was the one pushing him forward. Telling him to do what he must to ‘help the pureblood cause’.
Regulus had always been a dutiful son, out of both fear and respect. He had always been as much in awe of his mother’s intellect as he had been scared of her wand. He was sure that she must know something that would explain what he was missing. That there must be a secret somewhere that would explain the discrepancies that he had witnessed in his short life.
So he searched for the secrets that could explain it all. He searched deeper than he should have.
Regulus had researched the family histories thoroughly and there had been no notable births that could be connected to the Dark Lord. There was nothing that tied him back to any worthy bloodlines. It was possible, probable even, that he was somehow related to the now extinct Gaunt line. The line that was loudest about its connection to Slytherin. But even then, there had been no marriages, no birth announcements. At best, this dark lord was a shamefaced bastard, given to some lesser family to cover an indiscretion.
Regulus should have stopped there. Just accepted that the Dark Lord was a liar.
But he didn’t. The fool that he was.
Even when his arm was branded and demands made of him that should never have been demanded. He still kept searching for something else. For proof that he had made the right choice. Proof that it was all worth it.
Of course it wasn’t worth it.
It had come as a horrible crashing shock to find out that he had suffered humiliation and deformation only to enable a madman to make himself immortal.
An eternal leader, ruling over all other wizards. And purebloods and mudbloods alike were to sit under this megalomaniac, to thank him for the crumbs he dropped. It made Regulus sick. It was wrong. So wrong. It went against his beliefs. Against all of their beliefs. And yet - the others still followed obediently. And Regulus couldn’t understand why.
A part of him wanted to scream and shout at his peers. Yell at them to wake up. To understand the peril they were so faithfully marching towards. But of course he would never do that. He wasn’t stupid. Or loud. Or brash. Or any of those other traits that Si- that blood traitors seemed to give in to. He was the PaterFamilias of the Blacks. And he would operate his schemes successfully, with discretion and cunning. Just as his father taught him.
This wasn't just a matter of breaking a deal with an obstinate partner, though. This was a matter of life or death. Or really, just a matter of death. Life wasn’t necessary for his plan to be counted as a success.
The door to the shack swung open a few moments later, pulling Regulus from his thoughts, as a large figure stepped into the stifling enclosed space. This was clearly Greyback. He was older than the others, face lined with a mixture of age and scars. He was just as dirty and disgusting to look at as Regulus had imagined and Regulus didn’t begrudge the wrinkling of Traver’s nose as Greyback entered.
It couldn’t be denied though, that power emanated off of him. Raw strength and … something else. It was vile. But it commanded respect. Yet another conundrum that would plague Regulus later, if he ever had time to consider it.
“You’ll be them death eaters then.” Greyback said, turning to look at Regulus and Travers in turn.
His look was animalistic and terrifying and caused a shiver to run down Regulus’s spine. He held his posture and controlled his expression, unwilling to let the creature know that he had affected him. But when Greyback’s smile widened, Regulus knew that he had sensed his fear.
“We are here on behalf of the Dark Lord.” Regulus acknowledged, his voice thankfully steady.
Greyback eyed him, considering him in a way that made Regulus want to cringe away. He didn’t of course, but it was a surprisingly hard battle.
“Alright,” Greyback said, dropping heavily into the dirty chair that Regulus had refused to sit on when they first entered the shack. Greyback lifted his feet onto the table in front of him and looked as uncouth as anything Regulus had ever witnessed in his life “What does this dark lord want then? And what does he want to give me in return?”
Getting straight to the point, then, no point playing at any niceties. But then, Regulus couldn’t really expect him to, could he. He was just an animal. He shouldn’t be expected to respect the civilised way of doing things.
“He wants you to hunt.” Travers said, bolstering himself a little, though his voice had a waiver to it that wasn’t normally there.
Greyback grinned, his yellow teeth gleaming in the dim light of the shack. “Is that right?”
“Yes.” Travers said, his voice weakening under Greyback's stare. The werewolf leaned in, drinking up the fear and hesitation.
“You know I hunt wizards?” He teased, somehow moving in on Travers without moving from his seat, an animal playing with its prey. “I catch them at night and bite them. I make them scream, and then I keep biting until the screaming stops.”
Travers was already pale, but he was now turning green. His mouth moved without making a sound.
“We know exactly what you do.” Regulus spoke, trying to regain some authority. Yellow eyes turned on him and instantly regretted his moment of bravery. “The Dark Lord appreciates your skill in your craft.” He lied, trying to placate the beast. “He doesn’t want to stop you. He doesn’t want to stop any of your kind. He appreciates magic and power.” Another lie.
“Does he now?” Greyback asked, his tongue running along the pointed edges of his teeth as his pale eyes stared.
“He does. And he wants to work in collaboration with you.”
“Collaboration.” Greyback repeated slowly. Regulus hoped he understood the word.
“Yes. He would appreciate it if you were to focus your skills on certain targets. Nothing that would be too strenuous for you. You might even enjoy it.”
Greyback laughed. “Oh, don’t you worry, little wizard. I always enjoy the hunt.”
Regulus’s stomach churned.“Then we are in agreement.” He said, pleased to hear that the disgust had come out sounding like disdain rather than showing the rolling bile that was circling inside of him.
He reached into his robes, hands barely shaking, and pulled out a wad of parchment. “Here is the list the Dark Lord wants you to target. He has provided map coordinates and dates. As well as anticipated obstacles.”
He dropped the thick parchment on the table and it landed with a light thud.
Greyback didn’t reach for it.
“And what do me and mine get in return?” He asked, leaning suddenly forward, a threatening glint in his eye.
Regulus couldn’t help the slight step back his body took in response to Greyback’s proximity. A stab of shame went through him for showing weakness, but that was quickly swallowed by fear as Greyback continued to leer at him. Regulus was very aware of how close those powerful arms and claw-like fingers were to his throat. He let his fingers reach out for the reassuring feel of his wand in his pocket.
He almost took it in hand as Greyback continued to watch him. Until Greyback suddenly let out a loud rattling laugh “I can smell your fear, boy,” Greyback grinned. “I like that.”
Determined to keep his composure, Regulus pursed his lips, keeping in any of the whimpers that were climbing up his throat.
Greyback laughed. “Shame you are mostly grown. I bet you would’ve tasted delightful when you were younger.”
Regulus forced himself not to respond. Forced his hands to stead and not to raise the wand clenched tightly in his hand. Greyback wanted that. He wanted a fight. And Regulus needed to get out of there. He had a plan. And it did not include getting mauled by a dark creature.
Greyback laughed again, making the air feel thick. He was enjoying himself and Regulus was losing control. It took everything in him to keep his breathing even until Greyback had finished laughing at him.
“You haven't answered my question, boy.” Greyback said eventually “What do me and mine get?”
Regulus took a deep breath, willing himself to stand up tall. He thought of his father. Orion wouldn’t be afraid of this beast. He would show it who was in charge. He would be strong enough to control the situation. Regulus closed his eyes and imagined he was Orion. Imagined he was strong enough. Hoping someone in that shack would believe it.
“We have already provided you with a copious amount of hunting targets, many of which have children that you can do with as you will.” Regulus said evenly, though without any of the gravitas that his father would have managed. The words were too vile to really deliver them with any confidence.
He didn’t want Greyback near any of those targets. He didn’t want the children to be hurt. Magical children. Innocents. Attacked and turned into animals, taken away from their birth rights as wizards. Thinning the future wizarding community even further, despite the already dwindling numbers. The thought was almost enough to make him stop. But it was necessary that he played his part for another few hours. Just another few hours. He had to do his part in making the madness stop.
He could only hope that others managed to finish the job quickly so that these children were never harmed.
“In addition to that,” Regulus went on, swallowing the bile rising in his throat, “Once the Dark Lord holds his rightful place, your efforts will be rewarded. Your pack will be given the land and respect it has earned.” Yet another lie.
Greyback considered both of them for a few more moments and Regulus forced himself to breathe again.
He couldn’t help the slight flinch and instinctive grip of his wand as Greyback suddenly got to his feet and swung open the door.
“Get the hogwarts pet.” He called out to the loitering pack animals waiting outside.
Regulus and Travers shared a look.
There was a rumbling of voices and movement outside while Greyback came back in, satisfied that his order was being obeyed. He didn’t talk as he settled back into his seat. He just watched them. This time, taking pleasure in watching Travers. Revelling in each flinch and squirm he inspired in the wizard.
It wasn’t more than a minute before there was a soft knock on the door and a figure entered.
Regulus’s breath faltered. It was a figure he was horribly familiar with.
Lupin.
Regulus would know that lanky form anywhere, because it had always been in the vicinity of Si- his bro- Him.
Regulus hadn’t been watching all those years. Not really. He just happened to be everywhere. Regulus couldn't help but be aware of his presence when he so loudly demanded attention. Lupin wasn’t the loud one. Not like him. He was just a follower. But he was always present.
And now he was here.
Something had happened. Something awful. Because to be here… he must have been bitten. Lost to any decent form of society. He must be devastated. He must be mourning him. He must be…
Unless.
Greyback had called him the ‘hogwarts pet.’ He wouldn’t have pick up that name unless…
Suddenly a lot of what he had seen in school clicked into place. Their stupid code names. The sicknesses that had made the others so protective.
No.
He knew..
He knew exactly what his friend was. Had apparently always been. And he was stupid enough to keep him around.
Stupid enough to be betrayed by him.
For Salazars sake Sirius! You never had an ounce of self preservation in your body. Never knew your limits. And it’s going to get you killed.
Lupin had paused in the doorway and was looking at him. His eyes wide and hesitant, almost fearful of Regulus. Greyback had noticed. He was looking shrewdly at Regulus and Lupin, his sharp eyes flicking between them.
“Know each other?” He growled, his eyebrow raised, pulling at the thick scar by his eye.
Lupin flinched.
Regulus couldn’t afford to be so careless. “Hardly.” He sniffed, pulling his cloak tight around himself. “We run in very different circles.”
“I don’t know him.” Lupin muttered awkwardly . “I’ve seen him before, when I was at school. But we never spoke.”
“Hmmm.” Greyback mused, giving them another moment's consideration before apparently seeming satisfied.
“I got a job for you.” Greyback pointed to the parchment that Regulus had dropped. “Check that out. It should be names and places. Make sure there are no tricks and that you understand it enough to tell the pack where to go and when.”
Lupin hesitated again, looking nervously at the parchment and then at Regulus. “I…” He didn’t move.
“Read it, then get out.” Greyback huffed.
Pushing past whatever was racing in that brain of his, Lupin stepped forward and picked up the instructions. His hands were shaking badly and he cleared his throat as he read. His eyes darted across the page, picking up as much information as possible.
For a moment, Regulus almost hoped that Lupin was going to do something brave and idiotic, just like he would have done. But of course he didn’t. He was just like all the other animals out there. Dark and self serving.
“It all seems to be in order.” Lupin muttered. “Easy enough to find the families with these instructions.” He put the parchment back down on the table and stepped back, looking to his pack leader for further instruction.
“Good. You can bugger off.” Greyback nodded to the door and Lupin practically flew out of the room. Regulus watched as the door closed behind him.
He shouldn’t really judge Lupin. He was just being true to his nature. Following his pack as his base instinct told him to. But for some reason it still stung. Still burned at the idea of how betrayed he would be if he ever found out. Still ached at the idea of his brother being brought down by those he trusted.
He had left Regulus to ‘be with his people’. Left Regulus alone in that house to go be with them. And now they had betrayed him. It was enough to make Regulus want to scream at the injustice of it all. At the futility of trying to escape the curse of the Blacks. If he thought he would have to live longer than today it may just have been enough to drive him mad. But he didn’t have more than today. And today was almost over.
“So. Are we in agreement?” Regulus asked as his brain reminded him just how little time he had left.
Greyback grinned that horrible grin that made Regulus’s stomach recoil, no matter how many times it was turned on him. “We agree.” He said standing and licking his lips. “How do you want to seal the deal.” He stepped forward, making Regulus take another step back.
“We will inform the Dark Lord immediately.” He said, losing some of his composure as his eyes darted to the door. “Travers, lets go.” He didn’t care if he looked weak. He needed to get out of there. His companion was eager to leave as well and they quickly exited the shack, ignoring the chuckles coming from the beast that remained inside.
As they walked through the pack, Regulus’s eyes tried to pick out that familiar figure again. They had almost reached the apparition point before Regulus finally found him.
He was standing alone to the side and watching Regulus intently. He met Lupin’s stare and saw him flinch away again. He was scared. Scared of Regulus. As he should be. A voice in his head growled. You betray a Black, and the wrath of hell will come down on you.
Only, Sirius wasn’t a Black anymore. Regulus had no business handing out retribution on his behalf anymore.
Anyway, Regulus only had one matter of business left to attend to. An engagement that he couldn't be late for. He was due to meet Kreacher in Diagon Alley at precisely 5pm. Kreacher hated it when anyone was late.
Rushing through his final duties, Regulus managed to make it to the jewellers to pick up the specially commissioned locket before it closed. He held it in his pocket and was about to turn the corner to meet the elf when another familiar figure caught his attention.
It was like fate was mocking him. It had been years since he had seen him.
Not since his brother had got off the train in his final year and gone running to Potter’s parents with a whoop of joy. Regulus had watched as Sirius barked out a laugh and was patted on the back by Mr Potter. It seemed disgustingly wholesome and uncouth for a public display. It had made something in Regulus’s chest burn with hate and confusion and want.
And here he was again.
It was like the world was giving Regulus one last gift. One last glimpse to spur him on. To ensure that he would do the right thing. Possibly the only thing he had ever done Sirius would be proud of. And Sirius wouldn’t know. Couldn’t know. He was bound to try and muscle his way in and do something stupid. But at least Regulus could have one last look. Know that he was following this plan for a reason, and hope that it would help Sirius. Help his friends in their mission to take down the Dark Lord.
Not all his friends.
Fuck.
Before he could stop himself, he had changed direction and was following his brother. It was stupid. He hadn’t planned what he was doing, and there was a good chance it would end up with him being hexed on the street. He should stop. Turn around. Go back to his plan. His very important plan.
He didn’t. Sirius would have been proud if he understood. It was a brave and stupid thing to do.
Sirius didn’t understand though. And, quite sensibly, had his wand in his hand the moment he had heard Regulus approach. His face twisted into a scowl as he saw who it was who was walking towards him.
“Come to attack me, little brother?” Sirius sneered in a voice that was so cold that Regulus almost didn’t recognise it.
“Not today.” He looked around. There were too many people around them. Too many eyes and ears for their conversation. “Can we go somewhere? To talk?” He sounded small. Sirius had always made him seem smaller than he was. Younger. More inept.
Sirius barked out a laugh. “You think I will really go anywhere with you?” His wand was still pointing at Regulus.
“Please.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. They didn’t beg. Blacks never begged. Regulus was so tired of being a Black.
“What do you want, Reggie?” Sirius asked, still a harsh tone to his voice. But Regulus could see the question in his eyes. It almost looked like concern. It almost seemed like Sirius still cared.
Of course he didn’t still care. Couldn’t have cared. He couldn’t have left Regulus there and still cared.
“Please. I just want to talk.” He looked around again, and he could see Sirius doing the same. Judging the risk of staying there any longer than they had to be.
Sirius hesitated for a moment before nodding to the small alley way down the street. He turned and strode towards it without waiting to see if Regulus would follow.
It took him a moment to gather the courage. This was stupid. He should just go and find Kreacher. He should stick to the plan. But Sirius was waiting for him, so he had to go.
The moment he turned the corner into the alley way he felt Sirius grab his collar and throw him against the wall. It knocked the breath out of him before and pain sprang up in his head as it hit the hard brick behind him.
Before he could react, he felt Sirius’s arm pin him to the wall as his other hand held his wand at Regulus’s throat.
“What do you want, Reggie.” Sirius asked, a forced coldness to his voice.
Regulus spluttered. He had never been physically restrained before and he hated the feel of another person’s skin against his neck, choking him. Making him feel weak. “Get off”. He managed to wheeze.
“Not before you tell me what you want.” Sirius twisted the wand and Regulus felt it get warm against his throat.
“I just want to talk.” He looked at Sirius, begging with his eyes. Like he had as a child when their mother was coming. Sirius had always given in. Always helped him. It’s what he did. What he does. The grip on his throat loosened. Though the wand stayed.
“Then talk.”
It was at that point that Regulus realised that he had no idea what to say.
Goodbye? That would raise too many questions that he couldn’t answer.
You were right? No. He couldn’t raise Sirius’s hopes like that. It wouldn’t be fair.
I miss you? Too indulgent. And too true. It would hurt too much and make the next steps even harder.
“Regulus?” He had been silent too long and Sirius was looking at him curiously.
“I…” His words stuck in his throat. Nothing was coming out. He looked around to try and gather himself. But that was apparently the wrong thing to do as the wand twisted into his skin.
“I swear to god, Regulus. If this is a fucking trap…” Sirius was looking over his shoulder as his wand got hotter, burning Regulus.
“No!” He said quickly. “No. Not a trap. I promise I just…” He took in a deep breath. “I…”
Sirius raised an eyebrow in that cocky unimpressed way he always did when Regulus failed to meet his standards of bravery. Regulus always hated when he did that.
“You didn’t come to father’s funeral.” He hears himself saying. He had no idea where that thought had sprung from.
Sirius scoffed. “Enter that snakes nest. No thank you.”
Regulus nodded. It was really one of the only sensible things Sirius had ever done. There would have been at least seventeen people trying to kill him if he had turned up.
“I…” He stopped himself before saying that he missed him. He wouldn’t say it. He wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair.
Sirius seemed to hear it anyway and cocked his head like a dog. “You…?” He asked, just to be annoying.
Regulus sighed and looked away. Why was talking to Sirius always so hard? Why were there always so many blocks between them?
“Are you ok, Reg?” Sirius asked in a surprisingly soft voice.
It made Regulus snap his gaze up to meet his brother's look. And oh how he wished he hadn’t.
Because there was the look that had always comforted him as a child. There was the look that promised to save him from the monsters under the bed. The one that said I will protect you. And if I cant, I will hold you after and make it better. That look always made it better.
It made Regulus want to be a child again. To cry and grip his brother and ask him to share his burdens. To carry the weight of what has to be done. To hold his hand as he faced his monsters.
It would be so easy to tell him.
Just a few words. And Sirius would be there. By his side. Helping him.
He knew it. Knew it in the same way he knew how to breathe. Because it was just that simple.
Not simple! He chided himself. Not simple. And not Sirius’s Battle. This was something that Regulus had to do himself. To prove himself.
And maybe, if the gods shone down on him, he may even survive. He may be able to go to Sirius afterwards. Show him what he had done.
And maybe, that look would merge into pride. Into respect. Into love and acceptance.
It would be so easy to just tell him.
“I have something I need to do.” He whispered.
Sirius’s face twisted from concern to disgust. “Something for your death eater friends?” He spat.
Regulus shook his head. “No. I …” He couldn’t tell him. He couldn’t. This was wrong. He shouldn’t have come here. He shouldn’t have said anything. He should have stuck to the plan.
“I have to go.” He said, pushing Sirius away.
“I thought you wanted to talk?” Sirius jeered, letting him go all the same.
Regulus took a step away, getting out of reach.
“I have to go.” He repeated. “But I just…” He looked at his brother for what was quite likely the last time.
“Just … don’t trust Lupin”
In the second it took him to spin on the spot and disapparate; he saw the look of shock, of horror and despair on his brother’s face.
He reappeared a moment later next to Kreacher. The elf looked up nervously at him, and tentatively reached for his hand, just as they had planned.
It was time to go.