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The only place Santana wanted to go right now was to Brittany’s house.
Before tonight, she always thought her grandmother’s house was a place where she could feel safe and be loved unconditionally, no matter any mistakes she made or what her sexual orientation was. And now, after one admission of who she really was, that was no longer the case. Her abuela had asked her to leave, making it clear that she disapproved of Santana being in love with Brittany.
It was bad enough that Finn had outed her in front of the whole school. Why did her most important family member have to reject her on top of that?
To be sure, Brittany had her quirks. She had an offbeat sense of humor and made jokes or observations no one else understood. She liked choosing outfits for Lord Tubbington. But underneath it all, even though others may have dismissed her as stupid and child-like, she had a heart and accepted Santana, and truly enjoyed being around her. That’s who Santana needed right now: the girl who loved her for who she was and never expected her to change to be in a relationship with her.
“We should go right upstairs,” Santana said when she arrived. “This has been the worst day of my life, and…this is the only place I felt like I could come.”
“You know you can always come here without asking.” Brittany assured her. She let her inside and they went upstairs to Brittany’s room, where Lord Tubbington was sitting on a pillow. She gently nudged him aside so Santana could lay next to her, and he promptly moved to the foot of the bed.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” she asked.
“I went to my abuela’s for dinner tonight, and I decided to come out to her…you know, tell her I was gay. I explained to her how amazing you make me feel and how freeing it is to be comfortable in my own skin and realize how much I love you. I have such strong feelings for you, and I don’t know…I guess I thought now that we’re in the 21st century, she would be more accepting of something like this. Or at least if she couldn’t agree, she’d be proud of me for being honest. Instead, she treated me as if I should be ashamed of who I was. She said it was making her uncomfortable; meanwhile, I’m thinking…never mind what I had to go through today, it’s all about how weird you feel? She was so selfish.”
“Does she know what Finn did?”
“No. I’m keeping that to myself. But all I wanted was for one of the people I love the most to be happy that I was happy. And I didn’t even get that. She just tossed me aside as if I’m nothing to her now. Who does that to their grandchild?”
“A lot of people, unfortunately.” Brittany answered.
Santana nodded, knowing from her research that she wasn’t the first one whose relatives reacted badly to a child, grandchild, or even niece or nephew coming out and sharing their identities. On the surface, it made her realize she wasn’t alone, but now that she was the outcast, others’ stories weren’t exactly a comforting thought.
“Well, I don’t know how much this will cheer you up, but you really light my fire too, babe.” Brittany rested her arm on the side of her head and smiled.
“You mean that?”
“Of course. I mean, yeah, I thought I loved Artie, but I realized that wasn’t that deep of a relationship and I was just having fun. I feel like everything is OK when you and I are here lying on the bed and sharing some kisses and cuddles after school. And you always leave everything on the stage when we’re performing. I can tell you’re connecting with every lyric and dance move. That means a lot to me.”
“Really? Because I love performing with you too, whether it’s in glee club or on the football field, or even at a cheer competition. I don’t know how I’d survive Coach Sylvester’s craziness with you.”
“And a big part of the reason I stay in glee is because you’re there too. When you admitted you liked being there, it made my day, even though that was long before you knew that you loved me. I guess I was insecure and just needed some validation that I wasn’t crazy for liking glee, and you indirectly made it OK for me to enjoy both the Cheerios and the glee club.
“Look, I know you don’t know if your grandmother will ever accept you, and I don’t think anyone should have to go through that. But you never have to worry about being anyone else but yourself when you’re around me. And that’s a promise.”
Santana smiled back and sighed before inching closer to Brittany, and they held each other, with Brittany wrapping her arms around Santana’s waist.
“I knew I could count on you,” Sanatana said quietly. “Look…we can just stay like this, right? I don’t really want to do anything else right now.”
“Of course. After all, when you love someone, it means you’re comfortable doing nothing else with them except existing, if that’s what the mood calls for. This couldn’t be any more perfect to me right now either. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Although Santana resented how badly she’d been treated by others who she thought cared about her, she decided that she wasn’t going to regret her choice to come out to her grandmother. That would mean, after all, that she was ashamed that she loved Brittany and found a place where she felt accepted.
She was never going to let herself feel that way.