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On the third day after their banishment from Hell, Ulfgar comes to Alanis in the middle of the night.
She’s awake (of course she is) when he pushes the flap of her tent open. She doesn’t look up from the artifact she’s studying; she knows his presence well enough by now.
“Alanis?” Ulfgar asks softly. “Can I talk to you?”
It’s the softness of his voice that makes her turn. His eyes dart around the tent, not quite looking at her.
“What’s up?” she asks, storing the artifact with a flick of her wrist.
There’s a certain nervous energy that Alanis is used to from Ulfgar: the stilted words, the attempts to impress her, the way he always seems overwhelmed when she gets too close.
This isn’t that. He’s scared, in a way she’s seen only a handful of times, even across timelines.
She knows what’s coming.
“In your mansion, maybe?” Ulfgar asks. “Or. The little dome one you did back when we just started out?”
Alanis has been staying in the tent instead of her mansion to keep an eye on Thiala and the Divine Heart. She waves a hand and a dome appears around them. “What’s up, Ulfgar?” she asks gently.
“Right. Um.” He sits down on Alanis’ cot. “I’m… getting worse.”
Is this earlier than last time? She keeps her face even. “Whatever that woman did to you?”
“Yeah.”
Alanis comes to sit next to him. “Tell me.”
He rolls his sleeve up. The black scabs on his arm shift and pulse. “Thiala’s magic isn’t helping much.”
Thiala’s magic can help. But every time, Ulfgar gets worse.
It doesn’t make sense.
Maybe Ulfgar’s sickness is different from normal Crick Rot. Maybe, in order to help him, Thiala needs the Divine Heart. Or maybe she can help him already, and she isn’t, because she sees the opportunity in him being weak.
Alanis has considered this before. She’s never been able to figure it out.
“Is it just the scabs?” she asks.
Ulfgar shakes his head. “No.” He rolls his sleeve back down. “I can deal with those. But it’s fucking with my head.”
“How?”
He hesitates for a minute. Turns away so he isn’t looking at her. “You and Thiala, you keep fighting.”
“I can’t agree with what she wants—“
“I know.” Ulfgar’s hands grip the edges of the cot, so tight she hears the metal of the frame creak. “Sometimes, when you’re fighting, it’s like I stop being able to hear what you’re saying.”
“You’re blacking out?” Alanis asks.
“No, it’s… I can hear you. I just get so— so mad . ” He growls the last word, the cot creaking again. “Everything else is gone, and I’m just mad. Why are you fighting? Why can’t you figure this out. We replaced the devil, and we’re doing nothing about it. ”
“Ulfgar, I—“
It’s like he doesn’t hear her. “And I know. I know why you’re fighting. But it’d be so easy, y’know? So easy to get you to listen to me. I just need my axe. I could make you see eye to eye. You’d see eye to eye if you were on your knees. ”
She’s been on the receiving end of his axe before. Before she can really process what she’s doing, she’s moving away from him, sliding back to the end of the cot.
The movement shakes him out of it. His expression crumples. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“No, I know,” Alanis says quickly. “I know you don’t want to.”
“If this keeps going, I will.”
Alanis slides back over to him. She puts a hand on his shoulder. “I trust you.”
“I’m trying to tell you you shouldn’t .” Ulfgar grunts in frustration, getting to his feet with enough force to knock Alanis’ hand from his shoulder.
He starts pacing the tent. “That’s what this is. Today I actually reached for it , Alanis. I reached for my axe. And it wasn’t going to be Thiala, first. It was going to be you .”
He sounds angry, but when he looks back at her all she can see in his eyes is fear.
In the coming days, Thiala will finally reach her limit. She’ll call for Ulfgar, and he’ll stand at her side. Alanis knows she can’t change that.
“You didn’t follow through,” she says.
Ulfgar shakes his head. “I’m not sure how long I can keep that up.”
Alanis knew.
She knew, starting over, that she would have to let this happen to him again. That it would be a long time before Moonshine, Beverly, and Hardwon arrived to clean up their mess.
It doesn’t make it easier.
“You’ll keep it up for as long as you can, and then we’ll figure it out,” she says, trying to sound reassuring.
Ulfgar doesn’t smile back. He goes back to pacing. When he finally speaks, his voice is low and calm. “When you cast that shield spell, you’re a little slower if the attack is coming from the right. And there’s a split second when you’re casting a spell where your reaction time is even worse. You’re good at protecting your core, but you use your arms to defend yourself, even though you need them to cast.”
(In the third timeline, before Thiala put the crown on her, she had more time with him. He’d told her something similar when they’d gotten back from a battle.)
“I never told you, ‘cause I thought I was always gonna be there to watch your back,” Ulfgar says, stopping his pacing. “But I don’t… know. Anymore.”
(He’d trained her, then. Helped her get better at protecting herself. She remembers the techniques.)
She pats the cot next to her, inviting him to sit back down. “I’m good at taking pointers,” she says. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“And…” Ulfgar says, hesitating for a second. He doesn’t sit yet. “And when I’m swinging, there’s a certain point where I’m locked in, y’know? It’s too late for me to correct. So duck or jump back once you see my weight shift. Like this. See?” He mimes swinging his axe slowly, then goes back and does it again.
Alanis owes it to him to let him finish, if it will make this easier for him. Still, her stomach twists as she nods. She wishes she had her pipe.
“When it comes to what you can use against me, I’m hardy, but I’m not fast. I sometimes have trouble getting out of the way of your spells when I know they’re coming. And you know I’ve never been good at resisting magic that messes with your head. Use that, if you have to.”
She winces. “I don’t-- doing that to you is--” just as bad as Thiala.
“If it comes down to a fight, you can’t hold back.” He looks at her, pleading. “Please. Don’t hold back.”
“Okay,” she says, exhaling sharply. “Okay.”
“Good,” Ulfgar says. He looks relieved.
Alanis already knows how the fight will go. He’ll get at least a hit in on her before she teleports away. He always does.
She hasn’t seen him after in any of the timelines. She’s never been able to talk to him about it. But she doesn’t have to talk to him to know he’d beat himself up if he hurt her.
She pats the cot again. “Come here,” she says. “It’s my turn.”
“Your… turn?” Ulfgar asks as he sits.
“To give a ‘in the worst case scenario’ speech. You got yours, now let me have mine.”
He frowns, but nods.
“If it comes to it, and you do hurt me… you and I, we’re still fine, alright? You don’t gotta worry about that. I won’t blame you. And I might be less hardy than you, but I can take a blow or two.”
She can tell he doesn’t like it, but he nods again. “Okay.”
“Now,” she says, “let’s figure out what we can do to stop this from getting worse.”
“Huh?”
“Planning for when things go bad doesn’t mean I’m not gonna try to help.” Alanis smiles. “Isn’t that why you came to me?”
“No I… came to warn you.”
“Yeah. Right.” She raises an eyebrow his way. “Have you ever known me to ignore a problem put in front of me?”
Ulfgar smiles. “No.”
“See. So, you did come to me for help.”
“I…” Ulfgar looks away, a more familiar expression of discomfort on his face. “I don’t want to be a bother. I know you have a lot going on.”
“When don’t I?” Alanis asks. “You’re fine, Ulfgar. Let me help.”
He turns back towards her. He looks a little sheepish. “How, though? Thiala’s the healer, and she can’t.”
Alanis nods. “I know.” She closes her eyes, trying to think. Not just of him now, but across all the timelines. “You said the--” she almost says Crick Rot “-- infection is making you angry, right? What calms you down?"
The problem is that, after they leave this forest, she’s only been able to talk to him again in one timeline. And the only thing she’s seen get through to him while he’s consumed by Crick Rot is Moonshine’s unwavering trust and hospitality, something Alanis isn’t sure she can match.
And even then, it wasn’t just that. It had been a mix of the control Thiala had placed on Ulfgar, Moonshine’s actions, Ulfgar’s own will, and a bit of magic from Moonshine. And he’d still had to leave to ensure he didn’t hurt them.
There has to be something else.
It’d been hard to hear everything that was going on in the middle of a battle through a scry spell, but she does remember Moonshine asking Ulfgar to remember his happiest memories. She opens her eyes.
“Or, what makes you happy? Either works,” she says, realizing as she does that he still hasn’t answered her first question.
She’s not sure why he still looks so flustered. “I. Um. I’m happy when we’re celebrating together after a battle?”
Alanis nods. “Okay, what part? The ale?” That one’s probably a bad idea. “Us having won?”
“Y-- Yeah,” Ulfgar says, which isn’t an answer. “That.”
There’s a pause as Alanis studies Ulfgar. Something’s off. “We don’t need to do this,” she says after a minute. “I thought if we could get something associated with a positive, maybe we can start to find a way to offset it, but if you--”
“No!” Ulfgar says quickly. “No, I’ll…” He clears his throat. “You can’t think too hard about this. Or judge me.”
“We’re cool, Ulfgar. Promise.”
“We’ve done a lot together. So. I’d say-- you.”
“Me.”
Ulfgar shifts a little. “Y’know. When things have gone real bad, especially lately, you’ve been there to talk me through it. And, well, back in Violence… you saved my life. And that one time in Asmodea where I thought those orcs were going to get me and you blew them all to shreds. Or when we were trying to convince that hardass general to help us and you said I was the best warrior you knew. Or--”
“I get it, Ulfgar,” Alanis says, gentler than she expects.
“It’s like-- you have my back, y’know? And so if you’re asking me those questions, well… that’s my answer.” Ulfgar rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.
Alanis, if she’s being honest with herself, knew that that might be his answer. She also knows that if she examines it for too long, she’ll come to some conclusions she really doesn’t have the ability to deal with right now.
Besides, he’d directly asked her not to read into this.
“Alright,” Alanis says. “I think I can work with that.”
Ulfgar relaxes a little, visibly relieved that she didn’t comment on it.
“For now, if you’re feeling out of whack, come talk to me. We can at least hang for a bit, yeah?”
“Okay,” Ulfgar says. “Yeah, that’d help.” He thinks for a second. “Even if you’re talking to Thiala?”
Ulfgar involving himself in their arguments might not be the best idea, considering what’s happened every time it’s come to a head thus far. Alanis doesn’t want Thiala getting any ideas. (Though, she’s not sure Thiala needs help, considering how many times she’s arrived at controlling and using them as a solution.)
“Mm, maybe use your judgement there.”
Ulfgar nods solemnly. “I can do that.”
“And for a longer term solution,” Alanis says. “I’ll do some thinking. See what I can come up with.”
“I can just stick with you,” Ulfgar offers. “I know you’ve probably got stuff to take care of but… I’m not needed in Irondeep. Or anywhere else.”
Alanis feels a tightness in her chest.
A long time ago, she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t lie to Ulfgar. That as she carried memories of all these different lives and pretended to not know what was coming, he was the one person who would get her honesty, no matter what.
She wants to tell him that he can come with her.
Instead, she shakes her head. “What happens if we get separated? Or you do end up being needed somewhere?”
Ulfgar deflates a little.
“You’re always welcome with me, Ulfgar. I like having you around. I just also like having back up plans.”
He smiles. “I know. It’s saved us a bunch.”
“Sure has,” Alanis says. “I’m not saying I won’t help you for as long as I can. Just… let me try to come up with something else, too?”
“I can’t say no to that,” Ulfgar says. He puts a hand on her shoulder. His grip is heavy and firm, but not enough to hurt her. “Thank you Alanis. Really.”
Alanis smiles. “I’m only here ‘cause of you, dude. I’m just returning the favor.”
Ulfgar laughs a little. “Sure.”
She can’t exactly say ‘I’d still be leveling cities under Thiala’s control three timelines ago without you.’
Instead, she waves a hand, the dome around them dispelling. “Now, go get some sleep so I can do some work in peace. We can’t all sleep for eight hours around here, you know.”
Her tone is light, teasing. Ulfgar grins. “You say that like you’ll get your full trance in,” he says.
She rolls her eyes. “Goodnight , Ulfgar.”
“Night, Alanis.”
--
Once Ulfgar is gone, Alanis sits down at her desk and goes over what she knows.
If she treats Moonshine’s hospitality as an exception, and not the rule, then there’s really only one thing that’s gotten through to Ulfgar when his Crick Rot gets worse.
Thiala’s domination. The amulet’s control. The Charm Person Moonshine used on the ship.
Alanis remembers what Ulfgar had said earlier, about not being too great against magic that messes with your head.
She doesn’t need to control him. She doesn’t want to control him. She just needs something like…
Calm Emotions.
She’d picked up the spell ages ago, back in university, but hadn’t had much of a reason to use it since. Once her magic had advanced enough, dispelling effects had always been better than suppressing them, and Thiala was (unfortunately) pretty good at talking them out of hostile situations without a need for Alanis’ magic. Or they just fought their way out.
But in this case, well… it could help, at least.
She just needs to find something to cast it on. Something like the berries is too short lived. An object radiating the spell is too easily found.
She searches her desk. It’s littered with various spell components and tools, notes, and supplies. There’s some of her adventuring gear. A spell scroll or two. A little bundle containing some Hill Home hash. A bottle of perfume.
Alanis pauses at that.
Ulfgar had said that being with her was what might help him.
She reaches for the bottle.
--
In the morning, Alanis finds Ulfgar by the fire in the center of their camp.
There’s no sign of Thiala yet, which she’s glad for.
Ulfgar looks up as she sits down next to him, clearing his throat. “Hi, Alanis.”
“Hey,” she says lightly. “I’ve got something for you.”
He sits a little straighter.
“Here.” She holds out the perfume. “It’s--”
He’s already smelling it. “Baby’s breath and lavender,” he says. His face twists like he’s holding back tears. “Cool.”
Alanis can’t help but smile. “It’s the ‘something else.’ For when we’re apart. To remember me by, since you said I helped.”
“Cool,” Ulfgar says again. “Cool cool cool.”
“It’s also got a bit of a calming effect. A spell.”
Ulfgar sniffs. “Thanks,” he says. His hand is clutching the vial tightly.
“I’m glad you like it?”
“I’ll protect it with my life,” Ulfgar says, dead serious.
Alanis laughs. “You don’t have to go that far.” She nods to the bottle. “I’ve got a bunch of that stuff. I’ll replace it if you ever need me to.”
Ulfgar looks at the bottle, then at her. “I’ll hold you to that.”
“I hope you will,” Alanis says, and she means it.