Chapter Text
"Jesse, why did you bring me here?"
What do I even say? I just couldn't sleep, not with everything on my mind. I don't think I've slept well in weeks. As for why I dragged us to the old temple, I'm not sure. My head feels fuzzy. I just... I keep seeing Reuben. I keep seeing everyone I've lost and everyone who wants me dead. I can't stop feeling like something terrible is gonna happen any day now that takes Beacontown away, that takes my friends away.
We sit there on the second floor, staring out at the glowing city. When did I start feeling this way? And why?
"Jesse." Lukas calls sternly.
"I know something is wrong. I promise, you can talk to me."
His voice gets rather sweet at the end. I feel bad, but I still have no idea what to say. I know I have to spit it out eventually. Lukas isn't gonna let this go if he knows I'm not okay.
"I've been going through some stuff."
"Stuff like...?" He leans in.
"Like... when I'm alone, every decision I've ever made plays through my head and I get nightmares. It still hurts and I'm worried, like, everyday something awful is about to happen. So I can't sleep."
"How long has this been happening?"
"Uh... a week, maybe?"
"A week?! And you weren't going to tell me?" Lukas's tone puts a pit in my stomach.
"It's not a big deal."
"If it's no big deal, why have you been waking me up and bringing me here the last three nights? When was the last time you've slept?" He sounds so peeved, but concerned.
"I-uh... I don't remember...?"
"Jesse, talk to me. What are these nightmares you've been having?"
The look on his face, I didn't think he'd be THIS worried about it.
"Well, it's more like the same nightmare. Everyone I've lost or failed, they find me. They shout and scream and cry... Then I see Reuben and.... I feel like the moment I close my eyes and finally relax, something big and awful will swoop in and take everything away again."
"Oh... I kind of understand how you feel. When so much awful crap has happened to you, you start expecting it."
"I don't wanna lose anyone else."
Lukas scoots over to be right next to me.
"You won't. You won't lose me, at least. I promise."
He pats my shoulder and gives me a warm smile. I always feel so comfortable next to him, like everything is gonna work out because he's here. I can tell he really understands and why wouldn't he? He's seen it all too. Still, I know he worries a lot and now he's gonna worry too much about me over this.
Without realizing, I'm resting my head on his shoulder. Wait, what am I doing? And why didn't he stop me? Isn't this weird? Maybe he's letting me do this hoping I get some sleep?
"Hey." Lukas wraps an arm around me.
"I'll admit, I'm kind of a hypocrite. There are things I should've been telling you too. If you don't wanna deal with anything right now, I completely understand."
"Spill it." I stare out at Beacontown, but my attention is soley on him.
"Well, like I said, I understand how you feel. I sometimes feel the back of my head, where I was chipped... I guess checking? I can't stop doing it or looking at the ground, making sure it doesn't run out. I've lost my share of nights over it and I probably should've brought it up before this. But, I do kind of enjoy you bringing me out here. I mean, I like sleep but, it'salso nice to spend more time with you. Especially now that we're so busy these days."
"I enjoy spending time with you too. You... you mean a lot to me, Lukas. I love you."
I suddenly feel more awake than ever. Did I just say that? Out loud?! Oh man, I've gotta backpetal quick before-
"I love you too, Jesse."
"...Did I fall asleep?" There's no way I heard him right.
"No, you're still awake." He chuckles.
"Oh wow." I rise from his shoulder.
"Sorry I just-I didn't think you felt the same."
"Really? I was worried I was being SUPER obvious. I've actually liked you for awhile now."
"Really?"
Even in the dark, I can see his face turning pink. Mine must be too because my cheeks feel like they're burning. I was going to say more, but my mind is totally blank right now. Am I staring? I look away and laugh a bit. This is so awkward all the sudden, but I don't hate it...?
"Maybe we should head back and work on getting you some sleep." Lukas smiles.
He stands up and I follow. He offers me his hand and I grab it. We're holding hands while we walk and it's so weird but normal at the same time. I can't take my eyes off Lukas, I feel like if a look away, he'll disappear or I'll wake up. I thought I'd end up confessing in some dramatic way and it would feel life-altering. Instead, it just happened and felt totally normal, but also I feel super tense and a little sweaty.
We make it to my place and head inside. Lukas tucks me in like a child but again, I don't hate it. He's giving my advice on how to fall asleep but honestly, I'm not listening. I seriously can't stop looking at him. He really likes me? Like, LIKE likes me? How is this real?
"Well, I should get going." I hear him through my thoughts. The idea of him leaving right now puts a pit in my stomach.
"Can you stay?" I ask.
"Please?"
"Oh-uh, sure." He looks taken aback.
"Sorry, I just don't wanna be alone right now."
"Okay." He sits on the bed.
"I can spend the night if you need me to."
"I... I shouldn't ask that of you."
"Well do you WANT me to?"
"Yes, but I've already dragged you across town because of my own problems. You deserve to go home and rest too."
"I can sleep here. You don't have to worry about everyone else ALL the time."
"I don't... do that." I definitely do.
"I just don't want to overstep."
"I know you worry a lot, so do I, but I am begging you to worry about you just this once. You haven't slept in days and have been going through shit by yourself and you're concered with what I think?" Lukas is getting irritated.
"Sorry."
Lukas sighs.
"What can I do to help you? I don't want you going through all of this alone."
The first thought that comes to mind is so embarrassing I can't bring myself to say it. Unfortunately, my face feels hot and Lukas is giving me a look. My own face has given me away.
"W-Well, maybe we could... cuddle? OR not! It's totally fine if no, I was just asking because of earlier and-well I wouldn't ask just a friend!"
Lukas giggles and I feel completely red-in-the-face embarrassed.
"Sure. If that's what might help."
"Really? I mean, it won't get rid of my nightmares or make me instantly better. It might also be really awkward. My bed isn't exactly big enough for two." I try talking him out of it.
"But you'll feel better."
"Yeah..."
Lukas takes off his jacket and crawls in bed next to me. I'm shocked he's so okay with this, but maybe I shouldn't be. We're cramped under the sheets, but it's kinda nice. We shift to get more comfortable. Lukas has his arms around me and is using me as a pillow, it's so freaking cute. I have an arm around him too. I hope he doesn't hear my heart, I feel like it's beating really loud right now. I can't help it, this is amazing! I REALLY hope this isn't a dream, if I wake up tomorrow and none of this happened...
I don't feel any sleepier, I might actually be more awake now than at the temple, but I do feel better in a way. Lukas really is an incredible guy, sticking it out and keeping his head up after everything we've been through. Now he's laying here with me and he let me drag him to the temple all because he cares.... Maybe his crush WAS obvious.