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“Venti?” Xiao mumbled, standing in Venti’s bedroom doorway. Venti looked up at him with a smile, his eyes shining brightly. Xiao immediately felt guilty about what he was about to say. His lip quivered as he stared at his partner, desperately trying to find a way to express what he wanted to say without sounding rude. Venti tilted his head out of curiosity- Xiao usually didn’t take this long to say something to him. “I don’t think this is going to work out,” he said quietly. Venti’s face immediately dropped. Xiao was surprised that he even heard what he said after all.
“Oh.” was all he said. Xiao averted his eyes from Venti and instead opted to stare at the floor in embarrassment as he fidgeted with his hands and picked at skin around his nails. He could tell that Venti was still staring at him, but he didn’t want to look back. He didn’t want to see the disappointed expression on Venti’s face. “Is something wrong?” Venti asked. Xiao shook his head. “Then why?”
Xiao probably couldn’t answer that without bursting into tears at this moment. So he continued to stare at the ground. “Did I do something wrong?” Venti asked him. He immediately shook his head again. Venti’s brows furrowed. “Xiao, please speak to me. We can work this out- just please tell me what’s wrong.”
“You deserve better, Venti,” Xiao turned back up to stare at Venti. He didn’t necessarily want to see his reaction, but he felt incredibly guilty for not even looking at him. Venti didn’t deserve that.
“Don’t be ridiculous, come here,” Venti looked like he was on the verge of tears.
“I can’t.”
“ Please, Xiao. I don’t want any better. We can work this out- just please, ” Venti begged. Tears started to flow down his cheeks, and Xiao immediately felt even more guilty.
“You deserve someone else, Venti. Someone who is pretty and intelligent and kind. Someone who’s more like you,” Xiao was currently holding himself back from crying. He never liked crying in front of others- not even Venti, who was probably the person who he trusted most.
Venti got up from his bed and walked over to Xiao. He tried to pull Xiao into a hug, but Xiao flinched away from it. It had been a while since he had done that in response to Venti’s touch. “Please don't leave me Xiao,” he sobbed. And Xiao felt so, so guilty but he didn’t know what to do. He wanted Venti to forget about him, find someone new and pretend that Xiao had never existed- but the chances of that happening were very slim.
“I don’t want to leave you, Venti, I just- you need someone better,”
“I don’t want anyone better, Xiao, what part of this don’t you understand?” Xiao backed away from him slightly, startled by Venti’s sudden anger. “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to sound so angry then. I just don't understand you Xiao.”
“I think my brain does this stupid thing whenever I get too close to someone. It makes me want to run away and leave them, before they can leave me.” Xiao mumbled.
“I’m not going to leave you.”
“I know. I know that perfectly well, and yet I can’t shake the thought that you might. I don’t want to leave but I think it might be for the best.” “I know that other people have left, but I promise you that I won’t. I love you, Xiao. I love you more than anything in the world. Please stay,” Venti started to beg again.
“I’m broken, Venti. There’s not much left of me to love. You deserve someone new, who doesn’t back away from physical touch, who doesn’t break down over the stupidest things, who is able to care for you and give to you what you have given them. I can’t do that,” Xiao felt tears starting to brim at his eyes- but he blinked them away.
“You are not broken. You’ve gotten so much better over the last few months- and you can continue to do so. Please just be reasonable with me, and give it a few days before you decide to go. You’re upset right now, and you’re probably not thinking straight.” Venti pleaded with him.
“I’ve already made my decision, Venti.” Xiao left the hallway to go to his bedroom, where he locked his door and packed up his possessions. There wasn’t much to pack, since most of Xiao’s clothes were borrowed from Venti. He had never really had many possessions that were actually his own- not even as a kid, since he’d constantly be moving and changing homes. It’s not like he’d ever end up in one where he was genuinely cared for anyway.
Once Xiao had finished packing up his bags, he left his room and walked towards the living room, where he assumed Venti would be. Venti’s eyes were red and puffy from all of the crying earlier, which had now stopped. But the second that he noticed Xiao’s bags it started again.
“So this is it, huh? It’s all over now,” Venti managed to say between sobs and cries.
“I’m sorry, Ven.”
“I’m gonna miss you,” Venti sniffled. He got up from the sofa and walked over to the front door, where Xiao was also standing.
Xiao wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a hug, tears beginning to fall down his cheeks. “I’m gonna miss you too.”
“I’ll wait for you if you want me to.”
“I could never ask that from you. It would probably be better for you if you could move on and forget about me.” Xiao removed his arms from Venti’s waist, but Venti still clinged to Xiao’s body.
“I don’t think I could just forget about you. You were my everything, Xiao.”
“I’m so sorry,” Xiao mumbled as he tore himself away from Venti’s grasp. “Maybe in another life this would have worked out.”
“Maybe,” Venti tried to smile through his tears as Xiao opened the door to leave.
“I guess this is goodbye?” Xiao asked.
“I guess so. Goodbye Xiao.”
“Goodbye Ven.”
And just like that, Xiao left.