Work Text:
‘I said, “We’ll last till the world ends.”,
Whilst you were holding for heartbreak,
Longing for a forever’s tale…’’
“Jungsoo-ah. We need to talk.”
Jungsoo looked up from the book he was reading as he glanced at Heechul, who was leaning against the doorframe of the bedroom in the shared apartment they had. He put down the book, taking note of the seriousness in Heechul’s voice.
“What’s wrong? You sound off.”
“Please don’t get mad or anything at me, though I know you will,” Heechul began, the tone of his voice making Jungsoo tense up slightly. Did he do something wrong? Surely, if it was something minor, he wouldn’t be this serious, he knew that because at this rate, he knew Heechul like the back of his hand.
“You can tell me anything. I promise I won’t get mad,” Jungsoo reassured Heechul with a shaky smile, though he could see Heechul stiffen at the sentence.
There was a long silence between them, before it was finally broken.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
Jungsoo felt something in him shatter.
“What do you mean?” His voice slightly trembled as he asked.
“I mean I can’t do whatever this is anymore.” Heechul ran a hand through his hair, sighing deeply. He didn’t want to do this, but this was for their own good. For both him and Jungsoo.
“What even are we anymore? We barely talk to each other anymore because of how busy we are with work, let alone even see each other at the same time in this apartment,” he continued, gesturing to Jungsoo and back to himself. “Nothing in this relationship feels genuine anymore. Don’t you feel that?”
Jungsoo only blinked back in response. If Heechul only told him his now, how long had been feeling like this? Why didn’t he tell him in the first place? He needed to know why.
“What do you mean nothing feels genuine anymore? Heechul, what’s going on?”
Heechul took another deep breath, trying to find the right words, thought it didn’t matter if he could find the right words. He knew he would still end up hurting Jungsoo anyway.
“I mean, when was the last time we actually sat down to have dinner together? When was the last time we had a real conversation that didn’t have to do with our schedules? Yes, we still have time together as Super Junior, but what about us behind the scenes? Everything’s been so routine and mundane for so long, it feels like we’re just two strangers living under one roof.”
Jungsoo felt his heart sink as he processed those words. Sure, he couldn’t deny the fact that theirs schedules had become more busy, what more with the bad management that SM had, and he was aware that they had been absorbed in their work, but he didn’t think it would lead to this. Did he take his leadership duties too far to the point of neglecting his relationship?
“I didn’t know you felt this way,” Jungsoo’s voice was quiet, taking in whatever had been said. “I know we’ve both been busy, I’ve noticed it, but please, we can work this out.”
Heechul’s expression was pained as he looked away from Jungsoo’s gaze, unable to meet the older man’s pleading eyes. No, I’m doing this for the both of us, he reminded himself.
“I know we can, but it feels different now. I hate to say it, but it feels like we’re completely different people,” he said. “We aren’t how we used to be. We’ve grown apart, and I don’t know if I can handle that anymore.”
“I just need a break, Jungsoo. I need some time for myself to think.”
The room was quiet, the silence loud as the two of them stood there, processing everything that had been happening.
“But you promised.”
Heechul glanced at Jungsoo, his heart aching for the man standing in front of him. His expression was equally as pained, save for a few tears that he refused to let fall.
“What do you mean?”
“You promised me, Heechul. You promised that we’d be together, no matter what happens,” Jungsoo uttered, his voice cracking with emotion even as he tried to suppress them. He shouldn’t be acting this way — it was like if he was a five year old displeased with their parents breaking their own promises — but Jungsoo couldn’t help it. He couldn’t believe this was happening, and he oh so desperately wanted to save this relationship.
Heechul looked away, once again unable to meet Jungsoo’s gaze. “I know I did, and I never wanted to break that promise, but people change. We’ve changed. I’ve changed, and if we stay it’ll hurt us even more.”
Jungsoo desperately wanted to see this situation in Heechul’s perspective, but the pain he felt felt too raw. He felt a lump form in his throat, and he hadn’t noticed the few tears he had let slip out from his eyes.
“Please, I really really want to fix this. Whatever you need me to do, I will do it,” he found himself pleading again, a futile attempt at salvaging what he had left in him to fight back. “I want you with me. I want us.”
Heechul’s expression softened, and he reached out to gently cup Jungsoo’s face, using his thumb to gently wipe away a stray tear. “It’s not that I don’t love you anymore, I truly still do. I know it’s hard, but sometimes we just have accept that this is how life really is.”
“Then why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to us?” Jungsoo managed to choke out that question, letting himself cry. He couldn’t hold it back anymore.
Heechul winced seeing the expression on Jungsoo’s face. “I’m truly sorry Jungsoo, but it’s for the best. Not just for me, but for the both of us.”
The weight of those words settled in the room, a room was what once was a room they had felt happiness that had become a room where the reality of a situation they could not control had hit them hard.
“I just never thought it would come to this,” Jungsoo admitted, wiping a stray tear away with his sleeve.
“I didn’t either,” Heechul’s voice was barely above a whisper, the tone in his voice laced with sadness and longing. “I still care about you, but right now I think we both need time to think.”
As they pulled away, Heechul let out a shaky breath. “I hope you understand, and I hope you’ll be okay.”
“Yeah, I hope so too,” Jungsoo managed to say, though he knew that was a lie. He didn’t think he would recover from this at all. “Please, take all the time you need. We’ll come back from this stronger.”
Heechul couldn’t help but smile, a shaky one, but a smile nonetheless. He brushed a stray hair from Jungsoo’s face. “Thank you for understanding, hyung.”
Hyung. Heechul hadn’t called him that in a long, long time. That word itself made Jungsoo’s chest tighten.
As Heechul left the room, leaving Jungsoo alone with his thoughts, the apartment felt emptier than ever, the silence louder, leaving behind a shattered relationship and the echoes of broken promises.
‘Why can’t we last till the world ends?
Gotta take you out of my head,
Knowing that it will never fade…
It’s for the better, we are fornever.’