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"You flunked ?"
Chanhee reached over to quickly slap a palm over Changmin's mouth. "Hey, any louder and my parents in Jeonju will hear you!" He then slowly settled back down on his seat, nervously looking around to make sure no one heard. "Well, I haven't failed yet . Professor Kim just emailed me a warning."
"That's what you get for taking an elective in humanities when you're a chemistry major." Changmin quipped, unrelenting and brutally honest.
"Everyone is taking it, though! Younghoon-hyung also took it last year." Chanhee tried to defend himself. "He passed, didn't he?"
Changmin stopped sucking on his iced macchiato and fixed his bestie a blank look over the thick rims of his glasses. "Hoon-hyung barely passed. He was breaking down in my dorm room after his classes ended. I don't know what he told you, but learning Japanese wasn't a breeze for him. He can't even say a full sentence in Japanese anymore."
Chanhee slumped on the table, staring at the condensation forming on the outside of his iced strawberry-coffee drink.
"You need a tutor."
"Well, Younghoon-hyung can't tutor me if he's also shit at Japanese." Chanhee blinked up at Changmin, who was already scrolling through his phone. "And I don't have any other friends. I highly doubt Sunwoo and Jacob-hyung know anything about it either."
"Yes, well…" Changmin tutted. " You don't have other friends, but I do. There's a dude in my Biochemistry 101 class, and he just got a hideous 30% on our exam yesterday. He's fluent in Japanese, though."
"Thirty percent! Jesus, what did he do?"
Changmin shrugged. "I'm pretty sure Juyeon's just unprepared for the exam. He's a really smart Sociology major and just took biochem for fun." He glanced at Chanhee disapprovingly. "Like you, taking Japanese classes. Because you thought it would be easy ."
Juyeon . The name sounded familiar. "Do I know him?" Chanhee asked.
"Do you know anyone in this university other than me, Younghoonie-hyung, Jacob-hyung, and Sunwoo?" The silence answered Changmin. "Exactly! Don't ask me stupid questions. Do you want his number or not?"
"Why would he agree to tutor me? I'm broke so I can't pay him."
Changmin raised an eyebrow, looking at the Chanel bag and jewelry Chanhee wore, then at the strawberry-coffee drink that Changmin knew cost ₩31,000. He wanted to say something about it, but refrained from doing so since Chanhee looked so distraught already.
"You can tutor him in biochemistry as payment. God knows that idiot thinks the Krebs cycle is a bunch of crustaceans forming a bicycle."
Chanhee pursed his lips, hesitant.
"And you aced Biochem 101 last semester! I've been using your color-coded notes religiously and my scores are always at the top." Changmin added, just to further encourage Chanhee. "Okay, listen. You're both my friends and I hate seeing you guys down because of your shit life choices, okay? You can help each other. Juyeon's a cool, nice guy."
"Is he." It was Chanhee's turn to cock a questioning eyebrow, fully aware of his best friend's predisposition to accidentally adopt any loser within a 5-kilometer radius. That is, after all, how they became friends.
"Okay, you got me. Juyeon's head is in the clouds half of the time and he trips over his own feet when he's not dancing, but I swear he's a great guy. Hoon-hyung has met him before too and agrees with me. Juyeon is also one of Jacob-hyungie's basketball buddies."
After a long moment of silence, Chanhee finally sighed and held his phone up.
"Send me his socials."
📚⚗️
Chanhee should have stalked Juyeon before sending any messages, but he trusted Changmin's judgment too much. Chanhee was also ridden with anxiety at having to talk to someone-- nay , beg someone to help him keep his academic record on track.
Juyeon's profile picture on Facebook was just a basketball on a white background. His account was private, but Chanhee was sure that if he lurked around just a little bit more, he was sure to find a face to match the name with. But Chanhee just sent him a message, not really expecting a reply.
Choi Chanhee: Hi! I'm Changmin's friend. He said you can help me catch up on my Japanese lessons and I can help your with your biochemistry?
Surprisingly, Juyeon responds not even five minutes later.
Juyeon Lee: Oh yeah. He mentioned you earlier today.
Juyeon Lee: Please do help me 🥺 I'm barely surviving this course.
Choi Chanhee: Then why did you take biochem as an elective? Changmin said you're a sociology major?
Juyeon Lee: It looked cool… 🥺
Chanhee stifled a laugh at the response. He began to believe Changmin that this Juyeon dude wasn't a total, complete weirdo and instead a cool guy who just so happened to have horrible choices in life.
He and Juyeon kept messaging each other throughout the day. Juyeon suggested they meet up at the university's main library the next day at 3 PM, because he was held up that afternoon by a basketball tournament. Chanhee readily agreed, needing some time to prep himself for meeting a complete stranger.
Juyeon Lee: By the way, have we met before? Your name is awfully familiar.
Choi Chanhee: I don't think so, no.
Juyeon Lee: Sorry, must have mistaken you for someone else 😅
Juyeon Lee: Gtg now, Jacob-hyung's already calling for me across the court. See you tomorrow 😁
Chanhee reacted to the last message with a simple thumbs-up, trying to not overthink and worry that his response probably seemed rude. See, Changmin? I'm learning . He then put his phone away and laid back on his bed amidst the mess of papers scribbled with barely coherent Kanji characters.
He still couldn't scratch the itch in his brain that Juyeon was familiar. And Juyeon said it as well-- maybe they have met? Maybe Chanhee's brain just mistakenly repressed the memory as a trauma response to something? His brain seemed to love doing that, so it was a real possibility.
Before he could drown himself more in his thoughts, Chanhee's dorm room swung open to show Sunwoo struggling with a huge takeout bag in his arms.
"What are you doing here? Don't you have other friends to bother?" Chanhee asked, trying to clear some space on the table for Sunwoo to set the food down. "I thought it was game night for you?"
"Hyunjae-hyung cancelled. He said he was tired of carrying my deadbeat ass every game." Sunwoo pouted. "I suspect he's actually going on a date tonight and that's why he bailed. Anyway, I heard you're meeting up with Juyeon-hyung tomorrow?"
"Jesus, did Changmin tell the whole world?" Chanhee grumbled, picking up glasses and a pitcher of water for them to share.
Sunwoo grinned. "Hyung, the world extends to more than just me and Hoon-hyung and Changmin-hyung and Jacob-hyung." His face then turns serious. "But seriously? You're meeting with Juyeon-hyung and you didn't tell me ?"
"... And why should I have told you?"
"He's my man crush!"
"Aren't you bi? Stop hyper-masculinating and call it crush ."
"Juyeon-hyung is seriously the coolest guy ever!" Sunwoo ignored Chanhee's grumbling, eyes turning bright and starry. "Eric, my roommate, is his best friend, you know? Eric says Juyeon-hyung treats him like a little brother and spoils him and plays all games with him! He also is a very good dancer and debater-- did you know he's the youngest member of the university's debate club?"
Chanhee's head spun. "But he failed his biochemistry exam?"
Sunwoo continued to prattle on about his little crush, and by the end of their meal, Chanhee knew so much about a guy he never met. The thing that stuck with him the most though, annoyingly so, was Sunwoo mentioning that Juyeon constantly had a flock of admirers.
But Juyeon never seemed interested. Apparently, Juyeon had one person he's been liking for a while now, but whoever that person is, Juyeon's been ghosted. And the guy just didn't-- couldn't move on.
"So what I'm saying is," Sunwoo drops his chopsticks on the plate. "Hyung, you're very attractive. Not for me , don't give me that look. Can you pretty please try to… You know, seduce Juyeon-hyung?"
Chanhee almost spat out the rice he was chewing on.
"Get out of my room."
"Hyung, hear me out! Eric and I agree that you are exactly Juyeon-hyung's type--"
"Since when were you a part of the 'get Chanhee a boyfriend' conspiracy? I trusted you!"
Sunwoo scowled. "No, you don't."
"You're right, I don't." Chanhee paused. "Besides, you said so yourself! Juyeon's still not over the person who ghosted him, so what right do I have to squeeze my way into his line of sight. Also, your chopsticks rolled onto the floor. Pick them up."
Though grumbling, Sunwoo did pick up his fallen utensils and said no more of the matter. He entertained Chanhee's questions about his studies (Sunwoo's about to jump off the building if he has to solve one more structural analysis exam) and soundcloud.
"When will you finally duet with me?" Sunwoo demanded.
"Kim Sunwoo, it's rude to point at someone using chopsticks!" Chanhee reprimanded, then sighed. "I don't know. I'm sorry, Sunwoo. I know you guys think my voice is nice but…"
"We don't think your voice is good. We know ." The younger one corrected. “Not gonna force you, though. I’ll just be here whenever you want to break free of that shell of yours. I guarantee you, though– hyung, if you just let yourself shine, you’ll find the spotlight isn’t a death sentence but a ray of warm sunshine.”
Chanhee finally kicked Sunwoo out after a while, insisting Sunwoo should study for the night instead of wasting away in an internet cafe. Once left alone, Chanhee checked his phone to see a bunch of messages from Juyeon.
Juyeon Lee: Hey!
Juyeon Lee: Jacob-hyung beat my ass in basketball 🥲 I’ll never be as good as him omg
Juyeon Lee: He mentioned that you’re an early bird so you’re probs asleep? Just wanna say see you tomorrow! 😁
Juyeon Lee: I’ll bring my notes from biochem 101 and a Japanese dictionary for you.
Juyeon Lee: Good night, Chani 😸
Chanhee bit back an endeared smile at the grinning cat emoji from Juyeon’s last message. The typo on Chanhee’s name was an added cutiepie bonus. Apparently, Juyeon’s a double-text kind of person. Usually that would annoy the fuck out of Chanhee, but this time…
Choi Chanhee: Yep, about to go to bed. I have classes until noon tomorrow, so I’ll see you at the library at 2 PM.
And after a moment of hesitation, Chanhee added:
Choi Chanhee: Good night to you too, Juyeon.
📚⚗️
Chanhee was so ready to end the day and himself. His last laboratory class extended by 30 minutes, forcing Chanhee to join the hell on Earth that is rush hour during lunch. Students endlessly poured out of the university’s buildings and into the tiny restaurants and shops.
He did manage to get the last slice of pizza from a street stall, so at least Chanhee wasn't gonna go hungry before meeting Juyeon.
It was incredibly tempting to cancel, but Chanhee felt too shy. So he sucked it up, swept his frustration and impending heat stroke under the proverbial rug, and marched his way uphill towards the main library.
By the time he reached the building and plopped down on an available table, Chanhee was drenched in sweat. He dropped his bag on the floor and shuffled around in it for his trusty mini fan.
As he let the cool breeze calm him down, Chanhee heard some muffled music coming from somewhere to his right, probably music leaking out of someone’s earphones. It was a familiar tune, and Chanhee couldn't help but hum along.
He was so engrossed with the song that he didn't even realize someone had sat in front of him until said person cleared his throat.
Chanhee froze, and if he were a cat, his tail would be fluffed and his hunches rising like a perfect hyperbolic curve.
The man in front of him didn't seem to be fazed, instead offering a cute, teeth-baring grin as a greeting. “Hi, I didn't want to disturb you but I figured I should make my presence known before you snapped out of your trance and think I’m a creepy dude.”
“Oh.” Chanhee felt blood rush to his cheeks. He then blinked at the man. Once. Twice.
Uh-oh.
Holy fucking shit.
Juyeon. No wonder the name was so familiar. The man in front of Chanhee was the most gorgeous of God’s creations in all of history– and Chanhee had the miraculous fate of matching with him two years ago on a dating app.
Truthfully, Changmin was the one who made the account to force Chanhee into socializing and the dating scene. It was Younghoon’s idea too. Chanhee screeched at them in horror as notifications of interested likes flooded his phone.
He never actually opened the app until one night when he got so bored memorizing carbon groups for an exam. Chanhee thought he was gonna open it once, find the delete function, and it will be done.
The app loaded and the first thing Chanhee saw was this gorgeous, gorgeous man with a toothy smile and eyes like crescent moons on perfect, tanned skin. Chanhee’s thumb quickly made the choice and he ‘accidentally’ swiped.
It’s a match!
Chanhee had panicked, throwing his phone away and screaming. His roommate back then, Kevin, an architecture major, had been napping over some plates on his desk and was woken up by Chanhee’s unholy noises.
“Why don't you try just saying hi?” Kevin had asked after calming Chanhee down and getting information out of him. “Most dudes don’t reply anyway, they’re just there for the ego boost from likes and matches. You don't have to respond if you don't want to.”
And he did. He located his thrown phone– cracked tempered glass and all, from under a chair and opened it. The guy– LJ , as his profile indicated – actually had already messaged him first.
LJ: Hi, I’m Juyeon. I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.
LJ: Sorry 🥲 that’s probs too forward 😭
LJ: But you’re really pretty.
Somehow, Chanhee actually managed a conversation with Juyeon. The conversations made Chanhee feel… secure . Like he didn't have to be so scared all the goddamn time. Juyeon had been very patient and nice and funny and Chanhee had found himself feeling something another kind of fear.
If he continued to chat with LJ, with Juyeon , Chanhee was sure to fall into this deep, dark pit. He wasn't just afraid of falling; Chanhee was scared absolutely shitless of the impact. Still, he couldn't find a way to just stop talking to Juyeon.
Until Juyeon asked if Chanhee would like to join him in checking out a new karaoke place near the university. Chanhee had been sending short random clips of himself singing during their chats, and Juyeon seemed really keen on the idea of finally hearing such an angelic voice live.
Chanhee, upon reading the invite, suffered a panic attack. In his breakdown, he deleted the app and locked himself in his dorm room for hours until Kevin came home with his spare key. Kevin quickly pieced together what happened and helped Chanhee calm down enough to redownload the app and decline the invitation for a later time.
Unfortunately, Chanhee lost the password for his account. Kevin called Changmin to ask if he remembered, but Changmin also just scratched his head in confusion.
The account was gone.
Chanhee ghosted LJ.
And two years later, the very same man was sitting in front of him in the library. Still the same, toothy smile and crescent moon eyes. Chanhee felt the ground spin beneath him and his breath quicken until they became pained puffs and gasps.
Juyeon’s gentle mirth was immediately replaced with concern, then panic as he realized what was going on. Chanhee made vague, wild gestures in front of him, and Juyeon got up to go by his side. He checked Chanhee’s bag, digging around slightly for what he thought Chanhee needed.
Moments later, Juyeon fished out an inhaler. He helped Chanhee use it at first; large, firm but soft hands making sure the inhaler didn't fall out of Chanhee’s grasp and the other rubbing soothing circles on his back.
Chanhee felt his eyes burn with unshed, hot tears. His brain and lungs screamed at him in unison that he couldn't concentrate on anything.
“Sorry, I shouldn't have approached you like that.” The worry was evident in Juyeon’s soft voice. “Do you need anything? How can I help you, Chani?”
So it wasn't a typo. Juyeon knew Chanhee was Chani. It was the username Changmin had used for the dating app account. The realization almost sent Chanhee spiraling again, and he grasped onto the hand propping his inhaler up.
Chanhee gasped, leaning back into Juyeon’s warm, solid body. He felt Juyeon tense at first and considered correcting himself, but Juyeon then unfroze and even moved his body closer to provide a semblance of comfort.
“This is a…” Chanhee finally managed to squeak out, still breathing heavily. “Awkward… way to meet. Sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay. Stuff happens, you know?” Juyeon smiled warmly, relieved. “Do you want me to call Changmin?”
“Did… you… did you know?”
Juyeon’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion for a moment before realization set in. He chuckled, shrugging. “Sort of? There’s a lot of people named Chanhee, so I wasn't really hoping high. Changmin did mention he has a friend named Chanhee before the tutoring stuff too, I just… it doesn’t matter.”
“It.” Chanhee exhaled, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “It does. I didn’t mean to ghost you, I… I swear. I un… I uninstalled the app and f-forgot the password.”
Oh god . He was stuttering. Chanhee wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole.
Juyeon’s head tilted to the side, a small smile playing on his lips. “If I had to guess, you had an attack too when I asked you? Maybe I’m a bad influence on you if I keep causing you to lose control of your breathing, Chani.”
Despite the still painful after effects of his panic attack, Chanhee managed a small laugh. He reached for his notes on the table, about to ask Juyeon what part of biochemistry 101 he was having trouble with.
“We don't have to study now, Chani.” Juyeon suddenly said, the hand on Chanhee’s back leaving to place over Chanhee’s on his notes. “You should go home and rest, don't over exert yourself.”
After what happened that day, Chanhee was indeed more than happy to agree. He let Juyeon place his scattered belongings back into his bag and help Chanhee up on his still shaky legs.
“Are you sure you don't want me to call Changmin?”
“You can walk me to… my apartment. Jesus …” Chanhee cursed his breathing lowly, causing Juyeon to laugh. “I’ll just… take a short nap.”
“Alright, then–”
“And we can go… karaoke.”
Juyeon stopped. He looked at Chanhee, who he was leaning on his side and arm.
“I want to sing… for you.” Screw Sunwoo, Chanhee thought to himself. He knew he was as red as a disgusting tomato, but Chanhee didn't want to let his second chance go. Besides, Juyeon had already seen him struggling, so there wasn't much to lose if he was going to have another attack again.
“You can sing for me another time, Chani.” Juyeon hummed, leading their way down the path from the main library. “If you have the energy to want to sing at a karaoke, you have the energy to study, right? Changmin did say you have an exam on Monday. Maybe we should prioritize that.”
Chanhee groaned.
“Maybe we should start now?”
“Please… don’t.”
“これから先、ずっと一緒にいたい.”
“What?”
Juyeon let out a hearty laugh at the clear confusion and exasperation in Chanhee’s expression.
“Well, I guess you’ll have to learn Japanese to find out.”
“I hope you fail your next… biochemistry exam.” Chanhee muttered under his breath. Juyeon kept laughing, a soothing sound and rumbling that made Chanhee all warm and fuzzy on the inside.
And Chanhee is still scared of falling.
He gripped Juyeon’s arm tighter, but the taller man didn't seem to mind.
But , Chanhee thought to himself, I have someone to fall with me.