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“Isn’t it spectacular? What a universe. What a planet!” The Doctor gazed in wonder at the murky beauty around them. “Just when you think you’ve seen the lot, something like this.”
“Stunning,” agreed Yaz.
“Yes, it is!” the Doctor turned to her, “Not a bad date, am I?”
Yaz froze, staring out across the ocean floor, her eyes widening slightly as her mind raced, trying to work out if the Doctor meant what she hoped she meant. She could feel her heart racing, it was as if she’d been awoken suddenly and violently from a deep sleep.
“No.”
Yaz was suddenly too aware of herself, her voice, her body. Aware of the tonnes of water stretching miles above them. She’d had to say something, but as she looked back at the Doctor and saw the remains of a hopeful expression fade from her face, realised that in her shock she had been a little short with her.
“Not bad at all,” she added with a reassuring smile, and saw the Doctor’s expression melt into relief mixed with shyness.
The Doctor was usually so guarded, so reluctant to open up, but Yaz could almost sense in the space between them that the Doctor was struggling with the same fears and questions as her. She felt a pang of affection at seeing the Doctor so bashful, and there was no mistaking the love in her eyes as she gazed at Yaz. The Doctor looked self-consciously away from Yaz to gaze at a school of fish gliding lazily past, and Yaz joined her in watching them, even without looking at each other, Yaz could feel the agonising yet hopeful tension between them.
Yaz had asked her to open up, to let her in – could it finally be happening?
“Yaz I”– the Doctor paused, nervously trying to find the right words, “I’m sorry I’ve been so closed off. I want to do better. The truth is that I’ve lost so many people over the years. Over and over again, it never stops. I know that if I let myself love someone, sooner or later” – her voice hardened as she felt the years burn her – “It’ll hurt.”
“My Nani says courage is knowing something will hurt, and doing it anyway. Mind you she also said it’s the definition of stupidity.”
The Doctor laughed, and paused. Yaz was still panicking inside, trying to keep it together when it felt like her life depended on what the Doctor said next.
“Maybe she’s right,” she whispered in response, turning to face her companion. “I love you, Yaz.”
Yaz’s heart felt like it was going to explode, she turned to the Doctor, a smile growing on her face; reassured to see the Doctor smiling lovingly, utterly disarmingly, back at her.
The Doctor looked as though a huge weight had been lifted, her hearts singing in harmony with joy at Yaz’s delighted reaction, and the excitement of something new beginning, at all the new possibilities opening up to them.
“Doctor,” said Yaz, “of course I love you too.” As she said it she leaned towards the Timelord, slowly, trying to figure out if the Doctor was on the same page as her. The Doctor looked back at her with those warm, trusting eyes, and smiled as she closed the gap between their lips.
The Doctor’s lips were warm and soft, and her head pounded as she grasped the reality that everything she had wanted for the last few years of her life came true. The Doctor loves her back.
They pulled away and gazed into each other’s eyes, beaming.
“Thank you for telling me, Doctor.”
The Doctor smiled, embarrassed and unsure how to reply.
“Well I’m glad I did! You were right, it’s about time I let someone in, time I was honest with you.”
“Yeah.” Yaz smiled and paused, “Can I be honest with you too Doctor?”
“Of course,” the Doctor’s brow furrowed as she listened.
“I really struggled being without you. When you were in space jail. It just… hurt so much. I watched the hologram you left me, like, constantly. Like it was all I had left of you. It was the only thing that could make me smile in that time. Thank you for leaving it for me.”
The Doctor smiled sadly. “Of course. I missed you too Yaz, more than I can say. Trapped in that cell with so much to think about… but I mostly just worried about you. How you were doing, wondering if you missed me or not.”
“Of course I did”
“Of course! And now to know that you feel the same way for me…” she paused, and smiled.
They embraced again, kissing as if to make up for all the time they had spent shrinking away from each other in denial, and holding each other hoping never to have to let go.