Work Text:
The mood at Shuttle Bay One was surprisingly somber, at least to Eli’s eyes. For him, the anticipation of Thrawn’s arrival, already high, had been steadily ramping up ever since the rumors had been confirmed that the missing man had been found and his impending return to the Ascendancy had been announced. Perhaps it was the Chiss’ natural tendency towards stoicism that had them so reserved, though Eli suspected it was more likely that their lack of enthusiasm stemmed from caution; some of them had not seen Thrawn in decades, and more had never even met the man, but they’d all heard the stories. Almost everyone was aware of his exploits in the Empire, which didn’t help his already tarnished image all that much.
There was one other exception, however. Ar’alani mirrored Eli’s eagerness almost beat for beat, her normally taciturn manner giving way to small smiles and faraway looks that grew more frequent each day. Now they stood together behind the caution line at the landing zone, waiting on the shuttle that would bring Thrawn back into their lives. Ar’alani gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and smiled down at him, her eyes glittering with excitement. Eli grinned back at her before glancing back at those assembled.
Mak’ro stood stiffly near the entrance to the bay, with Thalias at his side; she was twisting and fidgeting her fingers as she waited, clearly anxious, though Eli couldn’t begin to guess why. The crew of the Steadfast was there, as were some of the older crew who’d served with Thrawn aboard the Springhawk. And off to one side, with her arms folded across her chest and her eyes fixed firmly on him, was Vahn’ya. If looks could kill, he’d be stone cold dead. He cleared his throat, and turned away, cheeks reddening from shame. Their argument had been fierce, as was to be expected when a relationship of many years broke apart, but she had known when they first met who his heart truly belonged to. Now that Thrawn was returning - now that Eli knew he was alive - what was he supposed to do? He’d weathered the barbs she’d flung at him with calm, though the accusation that he was ‘heartless’ had stung more than he’d thought it would.
All thoughts of Vah’nya and their squabbling ceased the moment he saw the lights of the landing gear from the shuttle flicker on, and heard the whir of the repulsor engines. He straightened, and glanced back up at Ar’Alani, but she was paying no mind. Her eyes were locked on the shuttle, watching each moment of its approach with rapt attention.
And suddenly the moment they were waiting for arrived; the moment that they feared would never come, through wars and exile in far-flung galaxies, was here. The shuttle landed and the door opened, revealing Thrawn himself. He looked a little exhausted, perhaps a little haggard, even, but alive. Eli’s breath caught in his throat - he’d imagined how this moment would go down for days. Thrawn would drop his bags and run to him, and they’d embrace with no care to the world around them, and no thought for anything but each other. Time would stop, just for them, just so they could catch up on all the time lost, the years kept apart. So when Eli heard Thrawn’s bags hit the ground, he closed his eyes and grinned, waiting for the feel of strong arms wrapping around him.
Except… the feeling never came. Eli opened his eyes, confused to find that rather than running to him, it was Ar’alani that Thrawn held in a tight embrace, their arms twined around one another, their foreheads pressed together and eyes closed… as though they were the only two people in the galaxy, and nothing and no one else existed for them but each other.
Eli took a step back, his chest constricting and tears welling up in his eyes. This couldn’t be! After all this time, after everything they had shared, everything they had been through together, everything they meant to one another, and he went to her first? He clenched his fists at his side, and stared at the obvious couple, his lips trembling as he struggled to calm himself.
“You lied to me!” he bellowed, and leveled a finger at Thrawn. The platform went deadly silent as dozens of pairs of red eyes fixed on him - some aghast at his outburst, some embarrassed for him, some pitying. Ar’alani and Thrawn draw back from each other just enough to look at Eli with stunned expressions. “You said.. You said you loved me, Thrawn!”
The silence persisted, punctuated only by Eli’s stertorous breaths, until Thrawn finally disentangled himself from Ar’alani’s embrace and turned to face him. “I never said that, Eli,” he said calmly, his brows meeting.
“But… you… I… I thought…” Eli reached up, grabbing a fistful of wavy hair. He knew that Thrawn had said.. He could have sworn that Thrawn had said it, that he’d responded in kind when Eli’d told him he loved him after the infiltration of the smuggler’s ship. They’d both been in high spirits, and when Eli had leaned in and kissed him, Thrawn hadn’t pulled away. Had he misinterpreted the whole thing..?
“I thought I made the nature of our relationship clear when I sent you here,” Thrawn continued, his voice soft, almost like he was placating a child. “I thought it was quite obvious that I didn't feel the same as you.”
“No! You kissed me that night. We-”
“It was a mistake.” Thrawn cut him off sharply, a rare slip of his patience putting an edge to his tone. “I shouldn’t have done it. I was your superior officer, and that is my fault.” He let go of Ar’alani, who silently gazed at Eli with an expression tinged with sympathy…or pity. “You were - you are - my friend. Perhaps the closest one I’ve ever had. But it was never anything beyond that,” he added, reaching to place his hand on Eli’s shoulder.
Eli shrank back from the touch, and looked out at the crowd, all of whom were still staring at the spectacle before them; he felt his cheeks growing hot even as he refused to accept what Thrawn was saying. “I can’t believe that…”
Thrawn sighed, and turned back to pick up his bags. “We will talk again, Eli, but later, when things have settled.” When you have calmed down, was the unspoken implication; even after all this time, Eli still knew how to hear what Thrawn was saying, even when he didn’t explicitly say it.
At least, he thought he had known how. Even that was subject to doubt now; if he had been so wrong about Thrawn’s feelings when he had been so sure… then everything he thought he knew about the man was called into question. Maybe he had never really known Thrawn at all.
And that was it. Just like that, Eli’s world shattered around him. Everyone began to shuffle out of the bay amidst the shards of his heart, none of them meeting his eyes. All except for Vahn’ya, who still stood staring at him, her eyes still hard and unyielding. Eli could see a small pair of familiar red eyes peering at him from between her legs, and he let out a ragged sob.
“You deserve this,” she said before stooping to pick up the brown-haired little boy. “You gave up everything you had, and for what?” She gazed at him for a few seconds more, as though giving him the opportunity to say something - anything - but he couldn’t form the words. He wanted to say he was sorry, that he wished he could take it all back, but nothing came out.
She huffed softly, and turned towards the bay door. “You can pick up your things tomorrow.”
Eli could do nothing but stand there and watch the tiny set of eyes that stared back at him over Vahn’ya’s shoulder, a chubby little hand reaching out as they left him behind; a broken man, victim of the consequences of his own wishful thinking.