Work Text:
❝Poscritto: Ti Amo.❞
Distance makes you realize the things that matter to you, including the presence of people in your life. We take for granted what we have, what “belongs” to us, what has always been orbiting around us and has never disappeared. Only, when it disappears... What do we do when it disappears?
Théo didn't know what he had until he lost it.
Until Brahim left.
(Not of his own free will entirely, of course.)
┌─────────────── ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ───────────────┐
Caro Brahim, come vanno le cose?
I know we see each other every day and it's stupid to send you mail, but I want to practice my Italian even more and this might help. You still owe me that outing to the Poke House in Fiamma. Although I still think the Poke House in Parco Ravizza is closer. Still not that I mind sharing more time by your side.
There's something that-
︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿
└─────────────── ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ───────────────┘
Let's rewind this movie for a moment and travel to that point where everything broke down. What had started as loose words that went from mouth to mouth to become a big rumor became a painful reality.
Brahim Díaz would conclude his stay at Associazione Calcio Milan to continue his career at Real Madrid.
At first, he thought it was a joke. It was such a spontaneous, volatile punch that his primary response was to think it was a damn joke. Brahim was comfortable here, with them, with him. In all honesty, in a star-studded squad, he would hardly find a spot to call his own. Fighting for a starting place, why leave here?
However, the days passed and the news grew. The media took for granted the return of the Spanish-Moroccan to the Merengues' ranks. It was only a matter of time. But nobody gave a final answer. The back and forth between the two clubs and the failure to finalize a transfer agreement as soon as possible gave him the vague hope that the Rossoneri would win this duel. How wrong he was.
He stopped Brahim one day to ask him about it after finishing his training. The need to be informed about his movements scratched at his sanity, drowning him in uncertainty. Brahim did not affirm, but neither did he deny anything. A closed book reluctant to be opened. All he said was that they would talk about it later at a more leisurely pace, that he didn't need to worry about people's chatter.
Liar.
┌─────────────── ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ───────────────┐
Caro Brahim, come vanno le cose?
I know I don't have to meddle in your affairs. These are things that an amigo should respect. Amico. Maledizione, why do words sound so much alike? That thing about knowing a lot of languages will someday destroy my head.
I can't help but feel something akin to sadness at the thought of you leaving of losing my comrade-in-arms on the court.
I can't help but feel lost without you.
Maledizione, maledizione, maledizione, maledizione, maledizione.
And you don't offer a damn answer-
︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿
└─────────────── ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ───────────────┘
He does not know when Brahim began to orbit around him.
His presence became a constant from the first minute he set foot on Milanese lands. Coming from the same nucleus in Chamartín, the connection was almost immediate. Brahim didn't feel so dumb for not being able to speak Italian and Théo felt he could finally rant in Spanish and someone would laugh at the inside joke. So, rapprochement was inevitable. The extra time they spent joking about their life in Madrid after a training session was inevitable. The debate about whether authentic Italian pizza is the best they've ever tasted in their lives was inevitable. The clothes of their own left in the other's apartment after some action movie marathon was inevitable. The shared glances, the light brushes of their pinkies on the back of their hands as they were lined up, the hints that only they understood, the unconscious smiles were inevitable.
Everything was inevitable.
Théo's heart on fire thanks to Brahim's existence threatened to burn everything to the ground if they dared to take him away from him.
At other times it was a naive coward who would rather bleed himself into oblivion than expose itself and the deep feeling it has for the young man.
A walking paradox, some would say. An idiot, his brother Lucas would say.
Brahim sought affinity. Théo was looking for a fratello and found something more than that.
Love. How frightening it is to fall in love.
So, he knows it's a lie that Brahim has fallen into his nets because it's the opposite.
He doesn't know when his life began to orbit around Brahim.
┌─────────────── ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ───────────────┐
Caro Brahim, come vanno le cose?
It's official. You're leaving in June. It's funny because I thought those cotton heads would give up. They have incredible mettle of steel and I envy them for that.
Don't go, per favore. Stay. There's so much I have yet to tell you. There's a secret I've jealously guarded for fear of what might happen, what might change between us, but I'm afraid if I don't say it now then I never can. I want to get it out, I want to scream it out. I want to-
I don't know what else to say.
︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿
└─────────────── ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ───────────────┘
On June 10, 2023, Brahim Diaz's return to Real Madrid became official.
Have you ever been told not to watch x or y movie without having your tissues ready because you will be a sea of tears at the end? However, you as a stubborn person decide to ignore such advice and go ahead with the film, claiming that you are made of stone and the plot is not something that can affect you. Either way, at the end of the movie you end up disconsolate on your bed, crying like Magdalene in times of crisis, broken to the core and with no damn tissue within reach.
Brahim's transfer is Théo's sad movie. And what a bad plot, he might tell you.
Zlatan Ibrahimović's farewell overshadowed Brahim's own. Why was no one bawling for Brahim like they were for Zlatan? Brahim was also important to the team, why did only he appreciate that?
Did lack of appreciation make Brahim leave?
Did keeping quiet make Brahim keep quiet too?
And that put him in perspective. The world is going to go on as normal. It's just him crumbling to the ground. It had nothing to do with Díaz's decision. It was hard for him to understand that. He's not guilty of anything and definitely expressing his feelings isn't going to stop the Málaga boy from pursuing his dreams. It wouldn't have to stop him.
Love. How hard it is to fall in love.
Théo had never cried as much as he did that day. Instead of being the one to offer Brahim comfort, it was he who received it from him. Brahim, in tears too, soothed him by saying that nothing would change between them, but they both knew it was a vile lie. Nothing would ever be the same again.
The night was coming. The youngest had to pack his things. There were things they still had to say to each other, so many untied ends, but they kept silent. Cowardly they kept silent. The two of them kept hugging each other until their muscles felt tense.
And Théo tried to hold on to his moon so that it would never escape him.
On June 10, 2023, Théo Hernandez lost half of his heart.
┌─────────────── ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ───────────────┐
Ti amo. Ti amo. Ti amo. Ti amo. Ti amo. Ti amo. Ti amo. Ti amo. Ti amo. Ti amo. Ti amo.
Perché è così doloroso amarti?
P̸e̸r̸c̸h̸é̸ ̸n̸o̸n̸ ̸p̸o̸s̸s̸o̸ ̸l̸a̸s̸c̸i̸a̸r̸t̸i̸ ̸a̸n̸d̸a̸-̸
︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿
└─────────────── ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ───────────────┘
A friendly match was to take place in Los Angeles, California, between A.C. Milan and Real Madrid as part of their preseason.
A little over a month had passed since he said goodbye to Brahim and his universe was still ablaze with flames. Flames full of fear. Flames full of cowardice.
The urge to let the Málaga boy know about his feelings kept scratching the surface, but the frightening possibility that it might sever the last shred of connection between them kept him from any plan of conquest.
To his regret, Théo is tough on the field. A defensive machine when it comes to play. However, off the field, in the realm of interpersonal relationships and where feelings rule over reason, he is just like a skittish rabbit. He never spoke out of fear of rejection. The “what if?” gnawed at his insides with each passing miserable day.
He wondered if he would have had a yes or no answer if only he had spoken up sooner. How much would have changed between them.
Now, to his surprise, everything will be different. He will take the bullet and risk it all or nothing. What good will it do him to hide if it won't make anything change? What good will it do him to keep quiet if he has every right to speak? What good will it do him to have so much love for Brahim if he is going to hide it for the rest of his days?
If there's one thing that doesn't deserve to be hidden, it's the great love he has for Brahim.
‘You have to lose sometimes to know what it's like to win’, a person very close to him told him. And this time he would put it into practice.
No more fear. No more cowardice. It was all or nothing.
Then, on July 23, 2023, he saw him again. Small, in a dark shirt and that beautiful, radiant smile that tinkled across his face.
The long-awaited reunion finally happened.
The first thing he knew was that he was holding Brahim's petit figure in his arms, pouring every ounce of his longing and love into that embrace. The second thing was that the Spanish-Moroccan whispered close to his ear: “Caro Théo, ora tutto va bene.”
Théo froze in place, breaking out in a cold sweat from the familiarity of the phrase. Brahim noticed this and took him by the hand to lead him off the court and to a more private place. They walked and walked, Théo still disconnected from reality with every step he took.
“How?”, he asked faintly.
“The real question is, why?”
“Why what?”
“Why didn't you tell me before?”, and Théo stopped in his tracks. Diaz also stopped walking and turned to look at him.
The sight of Brahim's chocolate orbs glowing with expectancy, with hope, was the necessary snap to awaken him from his anguished trance and reveal his greatest secret.
Now or never.
“Because he was afraid, but not anymore. Everything said in the letters is true. I like you Brahim, I like you very much. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before you left, but I want you to know that not even the distance has been able to change the way I feel about you.”
And if the best gift for him was to meet the love of his life again and propose to him, the answer he received was definitely better.
“Oh Théo, you don't know how much I dreamed of hearing that. I really, really, really like you too. Ti amo, Théo”, Hernández again took Díaz in his arms and lifted him off the ground as he twirled around him from the emotion that flooded him completely. Laughter full of joy floated in the ambient. Love was in the air. A first kiss was shared by two young lovers who can finally love fully without fear.
Half of his heart returned intact and he gave it back, receiving half of Brahim's heart in return.
“Ti amo di più, Brahim.”
Distance makes you realize the things that matter to you, including the presence of people in your life. We take for granted what we have, what "belongs" to us, what has always been orbiting around us and has never disappeared. Only, when it disappears... What do we do when it disappears?
Well, Théo would do anything to have Brahim back by his side, to never let him and his love go.
┌─────────────── ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ───────────────┐
Caro Brahim.
Ti amo.
└─────────────── ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ───────────────┘
Fin.
「EXTRA 」
Benjamin traveled to Italy to learn more about the city that would soon welcome him. Business with Inter Milan was going like clockwork and it would only be a matter of time before the long-awaited signing was announced. He met with his compatriots, as they offered to give him a tour of the place. Olivier, Mike and, of course, his brother-in-law, Théo Hernández.
The latter offered him asylum in his home for the duration of his stay and he accepted. He does not know if it was the kindness that surprised him and pushed him to take the proposal or because he had the same face of kicked dog that Lucas wore when something was bothering him.
Aïe Lucas. How much he missed his Lucas.
When it was time for dinner after a long journey visiting the important points of Milan and after acquiring a couple of books on Italian for beginners, the atmosphere suddenly took on a rather emotional charge, making Benjamin correct in his guess.
Théo tearfully told him all about the whole thing between Brahim and him, pouring out every drop of the anguish that had taken over his heart through his words. He couldn't help but have déjà vu regarding his own recent situation with the elder Hernández. He understood perfectly the issue of distance and the fear of confessing your feelings. He was there too.
He listened to, comforted and advised him as best he could based on his own experiences and considering how stubborn the Hernández's could be. It didn't matter, he had to be there for his extended family when he was needed.
It was past midnight and they were both exhausted. There were still plans to be made that day. They both said their goodnights and he headed to his assigned room. He arranged some of his clothes next to some unfamiliar garments that he deduced belonged to Théo's unattainable love. He sighed, understanding a little more the level of correspondence between the two of them. He left a couple of personal hygiene things on the nightstand, stumbling upon a trash can next to him with contents in it. Curious. He thought this room was in disuse until his arrival.
He picked up the papers inside and unfolded them one by one, noticing that they were discarded letters.
Letters addressed to Brahim.
Feeling like a complete busybody in a matter that was none of his business, prying into the privacy of others, the urge to do something to help was almost instantaneous. He did not like to see his brother-in-law mired in sadness. He thought and thought until he had a magnificent idea that could not fail.
Yes, being Lucas Hernández's boyfriend definitely had its consequences.
♥