Chapter Text
♪ It's been a while I've been out on my own
I'm in denial about living life alone
I said I don't like change but I'm not afraid
I can't keep it together ever anyway
When every page is in disarray
I think we'll be okay ♪
They sat in their special spot. Him and Edgeworth and Larry. They laid down in the grass and looked up at the sky. The sun was setting and left a gentle pink undertone on the sky.
Powerlines framed their view, light streaks of cloud accenting the pinkish blue colour the sky adopted. The boys looked up at it.
Phoenix held his hand up, holding the red Signal Samurai charm in his hand. He breaks the calm silence between them.
“What’s your biggest dream.”
There’s a pause.
“I don’t know.”
It was Larry. He said it quietly but certainly. Phoenix sits up, looking at the boy.
“What do you mean?”
Larry sits up and shrugs, looking down at his own yellow keychain.
“I don’t really see myself any where, you know? I didn’t make dreams for myself.”
Phoenix takes that in, looking down too, then glancing at Edgeworth, who is still lying down, listening to the conversation. He felt awkward as he contemplated what it meant. Larry would put anyone before himself. Any time. He was one of the most generous people Phoenix knew.
And he didn’t make dreams for himself.
Not that.
He didn’t like himself.
Not as much as Phoenix and Edgeworth did at least. Edgeworth at least had self respect and was brimming with pride, while Phoenix was sweet and optimistic bordering naive.
Maybe that’s why Larry was like this. He was realistic. He didn’t want to change the world or be the best. He didn’t set inevitably too high expectations on himself, he didn’t set anything for himself.
Phoenix fidgeted with the tiny chain of the keyring, fingers running along each of the little loops that made it up. He then speaks up.
“What about you, Edgeworth? What’s your dream?”
He seemed to not need a second to think, he stands up, eyes full of determination.
“I’m going to be a lawyer,” He says to them, “Just like my father.”
His friends smiled at him. They knew, Edgeworth was going to be a great lawyer someday. Maybe one of the best. He was ambitious, intelligent. He had confidence and charisma. And pride.
He had pride.
He was proud. He had nothing to lose, something to prove. He was willing to bet everything he had. He was willing to give it all for a gamble.
He was unlike Phoenix and Larry in that sense. Sure, Phoenix was a dreamer, but he didn’t know where he was heading yet. He just wanted to make the world better.
But Edgeworth? Edgeworth knew. He knew exactly who he was and who he wanted to be. That’s what set him apart. He knew how to get there, he had a motivation, some burning drive that pushed him on. A passion. A spark. A flame. He could push anything he wanted into this burning fire of determination, convert it to ambition, let it fuel his desires.
Edgeworth made everything a competition. He needed to be the best. He needed to win.
Phoenix smiles at him, “You’ll get there one day.”
Larry smiles and nods too.
They knew Edgeworth’s big thing was his future. What he built for himself. It wasn’t where he came from, it was what he could do.
The boy in the blue bow tie smiled slightly back at his friends. Larry held out his Signal Samurai keychain, so did Phoenix and Edgeworth. They grinned at each other. They’d never be alone, they’d never stray so far from each other. They had built their companionship on trust and reason. It was all they had.
It was all these kids had.
Their friendship for each other, their pains, their passions. Everything they could confidently call their own.
They weren’t alone though. They were okay.
They had each other, they could give themselves that.
Nostalgia is the only emotion that feels as good as it does hurt. It is such a strong feeling. Nostalgia is what you yearn for, what you hate. It’s what you love, it’s the people you love. It’s about the experiences. It’s about the feeling. It’s about feeling at home.
Feeling welcomed.
Feeling loved.
The three of them did feel loved. Maybe not conventionally. But they had developed their friendship fast. They had gone from strangers to friends in such a quick elapse of time. It’s those kind of friendships. You don’t have to nurture or develop, or take time to grow on you. That’s what they had.
“So what do you want to do, Phoenix?”
That day in the classroom, when Miles and Larry had stuck up for Phoenix. Maybe for different reasons, but with the same result. That was where it came from. The only reason they sat in the field that day, telling each other their dreams, was because Miles had believed so fully in his own.
“You know, as your dream?”
Life can be hard. It can be boring. You can struggle. But that’s fine. It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to not know where you’re going in life. It’s okay to not be okay. When there are possibilities and you limit yourself to one dream, one ultimate expectation, you close off so many others.
“My dream?”
When you have friends you’d give anything for. Friends who share your dreams and compliment your weaknesses, that is the best kind of friend. One who shares your highest highs, your lowest lows.
“I want to change the world.”
Phoenix grinned at Edgeworth, a playful tug at his lips. Larry watched the exchange between the two, believing that Phoenix and Edgeworth had so much more potential than he ever did.
“Hey, come with me-“ Larry said, leading Phoenix and Edgeworth through the grass. They run, racing through the fields under the subtle sunset. Phoenix grabs Edgeworth’s hand, running with him as they follow Larry.
Phoenix laughs, but Edgeworth looks uncomfortable. He pulls his sleeve down his wrist, glancing up at Phoenix as they run. When Phoenix looks back, his face drops.
“Everything okay?”
Edgeworth nods.
He was okay.
Everything was okay.
It was just…weird? When Phoenix held his hand.
He was overthinking things surely and he felt his stupid blush subtly spread across his cheeks.
“I’m fine.”
In a way, Edgeworth was somewhat ashamed. He’s made Phoenix worried…But then again the look on his friend’s face? That had made him so happy. Knowing his friend cared enough to be concerned.
When Phoenix held his hand, Edgeworth felt certain shocks of electricity that were a one way sensation. When he looked at Phoenix, he saw someone so pure and in all generosity. Someone who had painted that picture for themselves. When Edgeworth removed his rose coloured glasses, he would still see a masterpiece.
When they ran together through the field to follow Larry, Edgeworth felt so free. He felt every single thing the world had to offer in the few minutes it took them to get to where Larry lead them.
Climbing up on the window sill of an old building, Edgeworth looked up at the initial hints of stars in the sky, constellations and planets. They sat down on the edge of the roof, stone gabled roof tiles to grip onto as the boys laughed and looked up at the sky.
On went friendly banter, debates and jokes. They sat on the edge of the roof. It felt like them against the world. When they sat out there, looking up at the sky, there was an unknown sense of serenity for them.
They felt safe. The secure embrace of the universe wrapped around them, everything seemed to intertwine. It all felt so small, and simple.
“Sorry, I’ve got to go.”
Larry stood up, waving goodbye to his friends. He climbs down the same way they came up, Edgeworth continuing to sit closely to Phoenix on the roof.
He hears his phone make a brief beep. He takes it out, flipping the top up and glancing at the tiny screen. He smashes the according buttons. It was from Larry.
[hey just wondering cause it seems like you like nick? giving 2 of you some time together]
Edgeworth paused, glancing the message over a few times. He wanted to delete it and pretend he hadn’t seen it. Pretend it wasn’t true.
…
[No, I do not like Phoenix]
He stuffed his phone in his pocket, glancing at the boy beside him. Phoenix was looking starry eyed at the sky.
Edgeworth shakes his head. If Larry knew, would Phoenix too?
Edgeworth shuffles a little closer to Phoenix, looking up at the sky with him. Their breath makes small amounts of fog in the air, the coolness of a dawning night pressing onto his cheeks. They sit in the valley of the stone tiles, Phoenix hums a song, that Edgeworth taps out on the pipe. They enjoy the solitude. The quiet.
Phoenix holds up his keychain to the light of the moon, so Edgeworth does too. As he does so, his jacket sleeve slips down. Miles instinctively pulls his arm towards himself, praying Phoenix didn’t notice.
Phoenix looks at Edgeworth, trying to grab his hand.
“Hey what was that?”
Edgeworth holds his arms protectively close to himself.
“Nothing, Phoenix. It was nothing-“
Phoenix keeps trying to get ahold of Edgeworth’s arm and see if what he had seen there was right.
“Really?”
He finally, after some mild fighting, gets a firm grip on Edgeworth’s arm, pulling the sleeve down to reveal his forearm and the neat little cuts that line up it. Scars that Edgeworth would have given himself. Temporary moments of hurt etched into his skin forever.
The starry eyed Phoenix is gone, replaced with a blank staring one, as if he doesn’t know how to react. He sits there for a little while, looking at his own hands, before pulling Miles into a hug.
“I love you…Miles-“
He seems taken aback by the physical touch at first, but leans into it a little. His lack of social awareness seems to slip away, for the most split second.
“I-I love you…Nick.”