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I woke up from yet another strange dream. I breathed quickly, scared. The familiar sight of my room slowly calmed me down. But something inside me told me that my nightmares had some sense of truth.
I had coffee and put on a light armor. I put my sword in its sheath. The day was spreading its light across the sky, and I needed to be at the castle as soon as possible. As the son of Alcaster, the captain of the guard, my duty and obligation was to be at least twice what my father was to the kingdom. I sighed feeling the weight of responsibility once again on my shoulders. It was greater than the weight of the sword, greater than the weight of the heaviest armor.
Arriving close to the grand palace gates, I could see the princess. She dressed simply, as a commoner, because thanks to her curse, no one in the kingdom remembered her. No one but me, the witches, the fairies and the others who were also cursed. I could only wonder why I was the only normal person to remember her...
I ran closer, relieved to see her again, but when her eyes looked at me, I felt something strange. As if... she looked at a traitor.
— What is wrong? I asked. — Was it something I said?
— No... you didn't do anything. — she replied, looking at the floor. - It was *him*.
— Who? — I frowned, confused.
From inside the castle Sir Mythros came. His dark eyes and elegant posture remained impassive, and he had a mischievous smile on his face. The king's advisor looked at me with a certain pride, although I didn't understand why. Was he the one she was talking about? But then why did she look at *me* like that?
— Welcome again, princess. — he greeted her with a bow. — Preparations have been completed. You are free to return home again.
Without looking at me, the princess walked inside, following Sir Mythros, who also entered. Something was bothering me. I ran to her and grabbed her wrist: — What's going on?
She looked at me coldly: — I'm coming home, Fritz. — And she let go of my hand easily.
I could only wonder what had happened. Days ago, I was the only one who could protect her. And suddenly... I was nothing anymore.
...
The night is my mother.
Under a black mask, I rise from unconsciousness to dwell among the conscious world.
While that foolish, fragile part of me succumbs to my awakening...
...
Sir Mythros and Alcaster were talking in one of the castle's corridors, whispering their conspiracies. Mythros was thoughtful, focused in his plan to take over the kingdom through his subtle spells. Alcaster, however, debated his methods and was suspicious of his tranquility. He was impatient to lay his hands upon the arms of the throne. He had barely noticed my presence until the witch noticed my silhouette in the darkness: — Alcaster, you should learn some patience with your son.
The two turned to me as I stepped out of the shadow of a column, walking closer to them.
— Varg. — Alcaster said, almost aggressively.
— Sir Alcaster. — I looked at him, containing my disgust with his existence.
— What a pleasant surprise. — Mythros smiled. — I believe he has already tamed Fritz.
Before I could respond, that fool in armor cuts me off: — What are you talking about?
The witch continued to smile, mocking my father's stupidity: — Well, Alcaster. Don't you even realize that your son is missing? Varg is taking control. Slowly but surely.
The captain looked at me, not very surprised. I wouldn't be either, if I were him. Fritzgerald did not have the strongest of spirits. Mythros continued: — He no longer needs to wait for Fritz to sleep to take control. In a few weeks, no, maybe even in a few days, he will be able to help us during the day.
Alcaster crossed his arms, still looking at me: — I hope your presence here isn't because of that girl.
I stared at him in silence. Who did he think I was? Some masked copy of your son? I didn't depend on him, just as he didn't depend on me. We might have the same body, but we were completely different. I didn't have any "knight in shining armor syndrome", and my actions made that clear.
My silence, however, was interpreted jokingly by Mythros: — Hmm, interesting. It seems that Fritz's influence is stronger than I thought.
I couldn't contain a disdainful smile: — That weakling? Don't make me laugh. — I shrugged — I just find this all very boring.
Tired of that conversation, I hid in the shadows again. I could hear their voices going away, especially Alcaster's, disappointed: -... He got soft...
Hearing that got on my nerves. Why the hell were they still comparing me to that boy? Hadn't I proven so many times that I was superior? Having to hear that Fritzgerald's name all the time being compared to me made me hold tight to the handle of my magic cane, the weapon that had been given to me on the day of my first awakening.
I was better than him. All of Fritzgerald's weakness came from ignoring me. Every time he pretended everything was fine, I fed off his frustration. Of his contained hatred. Of his inability to fight back. And that was why it was ME who remembered him, and not the opposite. And that was why in our curse, I was in control. I was the one who forced him to sit in unconsciousness, giving the place to me. I was the strongest. I was the most powerful. How was no one able to see this?
I didn't have much time to keep thinking. I looked down the castle's empty hallway, recognizing the doors to the children's bedrooms of the other queen. I gave a brief smile. My assassination mission was about to begin.
...
Adiuva!
...
My head hurt. I looked around me. I was inside one of the castle's secret tunnels. How... how did I get here?
Again, I had a strange dream. I chased the other queen's children, and I saw the princess defending them. I... I didn't understand why, but I seemed ready to threaten her. Even though it was a dream, I tried to contain all my strength. I remembered being paralyzed. I remember staring at her for long minutes until a terrifying force dragged me forward. I was going to... I was about to lunge at her, when I heard her shout: — Adiuva!
I had taught her that word. It was the Latin word for asking for help. After that, I forced myself to wake up. I couldn't let that dream go on, even if it was just a dream. I would never hurt the princess. Never.
I ran back to the castle, lost. Even though it was just a dream, I would only calm down when I see the prince and princess well and alive. But when I got to their rooms, they were gone. For a moment I almost panicked, until I decided to look for the other princess. Maybe she was with them, although I highly doubted it... They never got along very well.
I entered her room without knocking: — Princess?
She didn't look at me right away. She seemed to be more concerned about her necklace pendant.
— I'm looking for Prince Rod and Princess Emelaigne. Have you seen them?
She did not answer. Suddenly, tears began to fill her eyes, scaring me. I took a step forward: — What happened?
The princess continued to sit on her bed, enveloped in an aura of sadness and pain, of which I knew neither the origin nor the solution. My heart ached when I saw that scene, and I reached out to touch her, but she suddenly recoiled, as if she had seen a ghost.
I looked at her, frowning with concern: — Princess...? — There was something wrong. I knew there was, but no one was able to tell me what it was. This was starting to bother me greatly. - What happened? Something has been strange since we returned to the palace. Please tell me... — I clenched my fists. — Tell me how I can help you.
She hesitated for a moment, and looked at me coldly: — I doubt you can. You would never believe me.
I took that as a challenge: — Try.
— You were cursed.
I scratched the back of my head, uncomfortable: — Princess, I know you've said something like this before, but... why do you think that?
— You have been cursed with an alternate personality. A cruel one. His name is Varg, and he tried to kill Prince Rod and Princess Emelaigne. *You* tried to kill them last night.
I... I couldn't believe it. It was... that had just been a dream, hadn't it? My head was confused, my thoughts were spinning at an absurd speed. And inside me, I heard a voice that mocked my suffering. Someone asked me, "How are you going to protect someone from yourself?"
I looked down, emotions pushing me like they were going to suffocate me. I tried to say as sincerely as I could: — I'm sorry. — and I got out of there before anything bad happened.
...
How can I protect someone from myself?
...
Despite the princes escaping, Sir Mythros' plans continued unabated thanks to the princess's presence. Her sudden honor in defending them had kept her there, to his luck and my relief. He wasn't very happy with me anymore. It would have been worse if she had escaped because of a mistake of mine. But I had already left those things in the past.
After the ritual performed that night, I had to take the princess back to her room. I stood guard inside in case anyone showed up. But who would do that after everything had gone well?...
She was weak. The crystal had consumed a lot of her energy. She looked so fragile. Like one of her porcelain dolls.
I took the mask off my face. I didn't need it in there. Suddenly I felt like I didn't need to hide. But... what was I hiding from? What would I possibly need to hide from?
I left my magic cane in the corner, and stared at the princess's numb body. Something inside me echoed like sadness, a melancholy that I knew whose it was.
It was his. It was Fritz's.
He, with his fixation on protecting her, had once again broken his own heart. I could feel all the frustration and sadness that was fueling me. They fed that form, that consciousness of mine. But, beyond that, they *infected me*. I couldn't carry sadness without having some of it too, and that was bothering me.
He wasn't there. But I felt what he felt. Always that annoying presence. As if he were the strongest from the two of us. As if he were more important than me.
I clenched my fists tightly. He wasn't going to be better than me. I would destroy him. I would put him under my feet.
I approached the princess. A thought crossed my mind and made me smile mischievously. No one would notice. She wouldn't even remember it. It was the perfect time to completely destroy the strength of my alter ego.
I sat on her bed and came closer to her face, looking at her delicate face. She looked so peaceful. Youth blossoming purity. It was the opposite of me, I thought. Just like Fritzgerald was.
For a moment, I felt out of place. As if... I was the only one who didn't belong there. I tried to push the thought away from me, moving forward without thinking, but my forehead just rested on her's. I was paralyzed. And it wasn't just my alter ego that tried to contain me... it was also *me*.
I couldn't leave, but I also couldn't continue. It was the middle ground between courage and cowardice, victory and defeat. Everything I needed was everything I feared, and everything I feared, I hated.
Why?
I was stronger, wasn't I?
So why couldn't I?
Isn't this what we both wanted?
Hearing the word "we" from myself made me recoil in an instant. "We"? Since when has there been "us"?
Seeing the princess was starting to make me dizzy. I put the mask back on, picked up the cane. I couldn't stay there. Not when Fritzgerald and I wanted the same thing. Not when we were... the same person.