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Usually at night when Ruby couldn’t sleep, she would sneak out onto the roof of wherever she was and stare up at the stars, losing herself in the pools of light, giving herself over to the calmness that always washed over her in the quiet. As she breathed, the world would breathe with her and whatever was causing her stomach to twist or her heart to cry, would settle with each passing moment. And as Ruby got lost counting the stars, her mind would follow and the soft calls of sleep would lull her away into peace.
This time though, Ruby has no such calls coming to her, no gentle waves of peace washing over her heart, no stars to count. The fire crackles and flickers, embers swirling around before losing their light by the time they hit the ground. Ruby watches, tense as the echoes of light dance over Blake and Yang’s sleeping forms. Blake is wrapped around Yang like a vice and even in her sleep, Ruby can see her fingers clutched tightly into Yang’s jacket. A pang strikes at her heart as she remembers Yang’s fall, how Weiss had to heave Blake back onto the platform, drag her away from the edge of what she thought at the time, was death.
At least they’re together now.
Ruby hugs her knees a little closer to her chest. Her eyes glide to Little as they grumble and stretch in their sleep before curling back up, huddled comfortably in Ruby’s cloak as it lay on the floor. For once not resting on her shoulders, unlike other things. Ruby presses her cheek against her knees as she follows her gaze to Weiss and despite the growing unease within her, despite the jaws of doubt snapping at her in the back of her mind, she blushes when she sees that Weiss is staring directly at her. Feels the flush creep up her neck, burns the tips of her ears.
“What are you still doing up?” Ruby’s voice is soft, the words almost half mumbled to herself as she tries not to disturb the others, but Weiss hears her and sits upright, never tearing her eyes from Ruby.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“It’s the same answer as last night,” a weighted sigh leaves her lips, “and the night before.”
“You can’t sleep.”
Ruby smiles sadly, “I can’t sleep.”
A quiet comforting lull comes between them, or maybe , Ruby thinks, there’s just not much else to say . But that’s not true either. There are a plethora of words to be said between them, here in the bubble of night, with a strange dizzying cosmos above them hidden away by dark swirling clouds, and a wind, one that longs to be heard, flowing between the trees. They’re staring at each other and while Ruby is drinking in every detail, committing the way the glow of the flames bounces off of Weiss’s skin, the way her hair, messy and untamed, falls in waves across her forehead, cascades down her back to her memory; Weiss looks like she’s trying to see right into Ruby’s soul, past her aura and into her .
Wordlessly Weiss shifts and Ruby struggles to breathe for a moment as she watches, feels her throat close, her heart sinking low into her ribcage as Weiss comes and settles next to her. Ruby shuffles as Weiss leans in, rests her head on tight, tired shoulders.
It’s a long while before Weiss speaks, the both of them seemingly content to watch the flames, listening to the Ever After breathe and shift around them. Ruby feels her blush deepen despite herself and her heart quickens as she inhales, fills her lungs with Weiss and slowly, Ruby feels herself begin to relax. The tension gripping her body loosens and on a particularly deep exhale, she leans back into Weiss, rests her jaw on white hair and finally stills her racing mind.
Her peace never lasts.
“It wasn’t your fault Ruby.”
There’s that pang again.
“Weiss.” It comes out in a long sigh, laced with exhaustion. Ruby pulls back as Weiss lifts her head, fixes her with a look that begs for her to stop, for Weiss to drop her thoughts, to not bring light to Ruby’s failures.
“No listen.” The words are rushed, desperate, like if she doesn’t tell Ruby now the world will swallow her whole. “I know why you can’t sleep and I need you to know that this isn’t your fault. We all made our choices, we all knew the risks and we still all followed.”
“I know that Atlas is,” Weiss struggles and Ruby counts the seconds before she finishes, can feel her heart bleed at the hitch in her voice, the blood slick and clogging her arteries. “Atlas is gone, but we will get back. I don’t know what we’ll get back to, but when we do, we’ll all fight with you.”
A warm hand comes up to rest against Ruby’s cheek and Ruby can’t help the shaky husk of a breath that comes out, unsure and afraid. “I’ll fight with you. You’re not alone in this Ruby, you never were.”
“I don’t know what to do anymore,” it’s out of her mouth before she can stop it, before she can think and it sounds like a confession. “We’re fighting a losing war and I-” Ruby chokes. She’s trying so hard to stay calm, keep her mouth shut, but she’s slipping and somewhere far off into the distance, the wind wails. A sharp aching cry as wood splinters and cracks as lightning strikes. In the back of her throat, Ruby can taste ash.
“I can’t lose you. Not again, I’ve lost you too many times.” Ruby twists her fingers into Weiss’s skirt, the bruises painted along her skin contrasting deeply as her knuckles turn white. She’s beginning to tremble and she can’t stop. Weiss prodded too hard against her barely there flood gates, pushed just enough with her kindness that she’s now drowning. The words are stumbling out of her lips, every fear, every doubt she’s ever had all the while Weiss’s hands are cradling her face and she just can’t fucking stop.
“Ruby.” Weiss whispers her name so softly, like any other version would be unforgivable.
There’s a burning in her eyes and Ruby squeezes them shut, refuses to open them even as galaxies burst behind her lids and her retinas ache. She can tell there’s a sob forming in her chest, forcing its way into her throat in an uncomfortable lump. She ducks her head down, tries to hide from Weiss, doesn’t want her to see the shame that’s now scorching across the bridge of her nose. She wants so desperately to disappear, to curl up into Weiss’s lap and fade away from the world. To go back to a time before war. Before relics and Gods. When fairytales were just found in books and she didn’t have the blood of loved ones staining her hands.
Ruby folds instantly when she feels fingers curl in her hair, feels Weiss pull her just the smallest amount forward and the sob that she’s been fighting to smother this whole time breaks free. Echos loudly in her ears as she buries her face deep into Weiss’s chest and finally shatters.
And Weiss lets her. She can absently feel fingers rub at taught knots in her shoulder blades, press against the divots of her spine as she heaves, feels nails scratch at her nape as Weiss begins to rock them ever so slightly. Soft hushes cover Ruby and she latches onto the sound of Weiss’s voice, gentle and laced with affection.
“You don’t have to know what to do, none of us expect you to.”
Ruby can feel the thump of Weiss’s heart against her ear and it’s enough to bring her back, the warmth radiating from her body, the smell of earth and salt and the sweet, faint lingering of her shampoo. There’s a heartbroken tilt to Weiss’s voice and Ruby grips Weiss that little bit tighter, digs her fingers into her back and settles.
She’s here.
“But I know we’ll figure it out together, as a team. I’m with you Ruby, here and now. I’ll always be with you.” She’s so tired, but it’s enough. It’s enough for Ruby to forget about the now dull pain in her chest, the worn ache in her bones, the weight of the world on her shoulders. If only for tonight.
Weiss gently pushes Ruby back, just enough to tilt her chin with her thumb and forefinger, coaxes her to meet her eyes, “I thought I lost you when you and Blake fell.” She starts and Ruby listens, eyes scanning Weiss’s. Spies the deep lines under her eyes, the dark rings that have laid claim along porcelain skin.
“Everyone was gone and I didn’t know what to do. When I fell, my last thought was of you, of your smile, your hope, your brightness.” A stray hair drifts into Weiss’s eyeline and Ruby reaches up without thinking, sniffles as her knuckles brush it aside, ghost along Weiss’s cheekbone, palms the curve of her jaw.
“Don’t let what’s happened take that away from you.”
Their foreheads come together and this time when Ruby breathes, she doesn’t rattle. The fear is still there, deep in the far reaches of her mind, but for once, it stays there. Allows her this one brief reprieve, this one night before it chokes her again, clouds her vision with monsters and death and chaos.
Above them the dark rolling clouds part, revealing an infinite sea of colours and a brand new cosmos. Ruby pulls away and looks up as her aura tingles, feels her heart thump strongly in her chest for the first time in a long time. They stay like that, wrapped in each other as the strange wildlife around them hums and Ruby pretends that the flush on her face is from the tears staining her cheeks and not because she can still feel Weiss’s fingers in her hair, spreading and twirling the locks. She’s about to start counting the stars when she remembers what caused this conversation to begin in the first place.
“You never answered my question.”
She says it to the sky, lets it hang between them for as long as Weiss wants. It’s only when she feels Weiss pull away does she turn, notices the blush that’s slowly crawling up Weiss’s throat as she swallows. And even though she’s tired, completely drained in fact, Ruby still finds it difficult to not stare, to not sharply inhale at their close proximity. To not want to lean in and kiss Weiss’s lips. Some feelings never go away, no matter how hard she tries.
Silver eyes dart down to look at Weiss’s hands, which are now resting neatly in her lap and Ruby admires the structure of her fingers while she waits for an answer. Long and lithe, Ruby imagines her playing the piano, caressing each key with a softness that she longs for. She moves before worrying about it, before she can talk herself out of it, traces the outline of blue veins and dips into the crevices before drawing patterns up to her wrist, only to glide back down and repeat the action.
The airy gasp that falls involuntarily from Weiss doesn’t escape her notice.
Something between them changes, the energy shifting the longer Ruby commits Weiss’s hands to memory. Weiss rotates her hand palm up and Ruby swears she can feel electricity flow through them. She dares a glance at Weiss’s face and feels her breath catch at the intensity of her stare, blue eyes fixated on her fingers as they dance, goosebumps blossoming along the way. Like the flowers that Weiss loves so much in the spring, coming to life as the sun kisses them on a warm day. Beautiful.
A different kind of pang hits Ruby then, more subtle. A deep seated longing that makes her ache and shift. Weiss’s voice is a whisper when she finally answers, suddenly shy. It’s like a kiss along her skin as she shivers. The fire as long since died, dimly glowing embers the only evidence it was ever alive.
“I was worried about you.”
“Why?”
The question hangs in the air for a split second before Weiss processes it, hears the word fall from Ruby’s tongue and float in between them and then she splutters, trips on her breathing and snaps her gaze to Ruby, intense and disbelieving. “What do you mean ‘why’?”
Ruby’s fingers halt their caressing and her mouth falls open a little as their eyes meet. At a loss for words she takes in the furrow in her brow, the irritated, almost hurt expression spread across Weiss’s face.
It doesn’t take Ruby long to realise that she’s said the wrong thing.
“I-”
“I care about you, you goddamn idiot . What kind of a question is that? Of course I’m worried about you!” The words are hurtling out of Weiss in a harsh whisper and her voice cracks a little too loudly at the end and Ruby watches her chance a glance over to where Yang and Blake are. They both hold their breath as Yang stirs, a drawn out sleepy mumble before she nudges in closer to Blake, buries her nose into her hair and sighs deeply.
Ruby and Weiss’s shoulders collectively sag in relief, but Ruby doesn’t get a chance to settle her racing heart before Weiss cups her jaw, thumbs the dark rings under her eyes. She’s less annoyed now and more unsure, her voice heartbroken. Ruby can see tears hiding behind her eyes.
“You’ve been leading someone else’s war and I can see the weight crushing you. You haven’t slept in, I don’t even know how long and you don’t know why I’m worried about you?”
“Of course I know- that’s not why I-”
“Then why? Have I not made it obvious? After all this time? I thought you- The way you look at me, the touches…Do you really not understand how deeply I care for you?”
The air hangs charged between them as Ruby's eyes dart to Weiss's mouth and back, her face taught, eyes pleading and it’s happening before she can think to stop it, it’s all too much all at once, they’re so close, too close. Weiss is all encompassing and she’s moving before she can even blink. She feels Weiss’s fingers grip her jaw tighter as she crashes their lips together in a brutal kiss, the impact almost bruising. She breaks away just as quickly, before either of them can take it in, scared and quivering.
She stares hard at Weiss's throat, watching in rapt attention the pulse that throbs and jumps against the skin and she notices the blush from before come back in full force, deep and rapid as it spreads. She tries not to think about the way Weiss is digging her nails into her skin, tries not to think about how the wind is blowing her fringe, about how Weiss’s mouth is open and slack. How she’s just ruined yet another thing.
"I do know.” She croaks out, mouth dry and voice suddenly nowhere to be found. “I've known from the start. But this war? With everything I've done… You deserve bet-" Ruby jolts as she’s pulled forward, loses her balance and falls into Weiss as she feels lips against her own for the second time that night. Their kiss this time is so much softer than before and Ruby’s eyes flutter shut as Weiss guides her closer, tender and warm. Her lips are soft, delicate like snowflakes and Ruby melts. Forgets what she was just saying, forgets war and blood and impossible odds.
Weiss is the first to pull away, barely, she’s still so close that Ruby can taste the words on her tongue.
“Don’t try and tell me what I do or don’t deserve Ruby. I’ve had people deciding for me my whole life, don’t you think it’s my turn to choose?”
“But I’m-”
“Nothing short of incredible Ruby Rose.”
Her breath hitches and Ruby pulls away sharply, eyes wide and full of disbelief. With the taste of Weiss still lingering on her lips.
“I’ve seen you do impossible things Ruby, save so many lives that I've lost count. I’ve watched you learn and adapt and I've seen what taking the burden of the world on your shoulders has done to you. Please Ruby, stop underestimating yourself. I didn’t fall in love with you because you weren’t enough. Or whatever else awful thing you think yourself to be. I fell in love with you because you amaze me, every single day. You inspire me Ruby and I can only hope that I make you feel nearly half of what you make me.”
Weiss is panting lightly by the end, face flushed with the rush of her words, her heart beating aggressively in her chest and Ruby stares hard . Mind racing with the weight of everything she’s just been told, but one thing sticks out beyond all the rest, flashes like a neon sign in her mind and it makes her dizzy.
She’s in love with me. Weiss is in love with me.
Oh.
“Oh.”
Weiss blinks and something in Ruby lurches, scrambles to clarify before she shatters Weiss completely by accident. She snatches the hand that has fallen between them, slams it harshly against her heart with an audible thud .
“I love you too. Please, I love you too.” It comes out in one breath, rushed and desperate, like Weiss earlier, she thinks if she doesn’t force herself to say what she’s been burying, what she’s been trying to smother, that it’ll swallow her whole. Consume her until nothing is left but sorrow and regret.
“I’ve been trying to ignore it I guess, how you make me feel. Everything started happening and things kept getting bigger and bigger and I was aching for you for so long and then I saw you again and it was like I came alive, like everything was going to be okay but then there was just never a right time and then we were thrown into a war and I had to be someone, for everyone and I didn’t think that you- ” Ruby catches herself, chokes down the lump in her throat and swallows thickly.
“I’ve loved you before I even knew what it was.”
There’s a moment between them before either of them move, suspended in time and for a split earth shattering second, Ruby forgets where they are and this time when she leans forward, both of them are ready.
Ruby isn’t sure who it is that moans softly, it’s possible that it was both of them, emotions too high and hearts beating too fast for them to process. Ruby’s also not sure how or when her back hits the dirt, but she’s painfully aware when Weiss glides over her, slots herself between Ruby’s legs like she was always supposed to be there. The hand at Ruby’s heart slides to her jaw and tilts her head, deepens the kiss. Ruby pours everything into Weiss then, lets her soak up every doubt and worry and want she’s ever had, lets her in completely and wholeheartedly. Feels electric pulses with every swipe of her tongue, with every gasp of her name.
Weiss is the first to pull away, a whine involuntarily leaving her lips as Ruby shifts beneath her innocently and Ruby has to stop herself from doing it again. Has to stop the rush that envelops her entire being at the sound. She greedily inhales Weiss in as their foreheads press together, relishes in the intimacy of it all. But she knows better and so does Weiss, knows that this isn’t the time or the place, no matter how much either of them wants it to be.
“We have to stop. If we keep going I’m…”
Ruby smiles, for the first time in a long time, “Not even just for tonight? Before the world takes us away and we have to be the heroes for everyone else?”
Weiss laughs, a beautiful melodic thing, sweet and free and Ruby watches bewitched. “I want to take you out first, show you how much I love you when we’re not sleeping in the dirt in a foreign world and a god isn’t trying to kill us.”
A sudden horrified look dawns on Weiss face and Ruby is about to ask her what’s wrong but Weiss beats her to it and when she speaks, she understands the panic.
“And when your sister isn’t sleeping on the other side of the campfire.”
There is a second of tense quiet as they realise how compromising their position is, but the quiet is broken abruptly when giggles start spilling out of Ruby’s mouth, breathless and infectious as she buries her face into Weiss’s neck. They roll over onto their sides, Weiss trying so hard to hush them as their legs intertwine and their arms wrap tightly around each other. Red and white merging and becoming whole.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow and I don’t know how many more deaths we’re going to create, but I do know that I never want to be without you again Ruby. And I know that as long as we’re with you, as a team, we’ll be okay. I know that one day, you and I…We’ll be happy together.”
It’s said against her hair, in the dark. The world around them is silent as they lay there wrapped in each other under a strange sky in a strange world and Ruby feels content for the first time in years. Her shoulders that little bit lighter.
She breathes in the faint smell of Dust and salt and Weiss and her head starts to spin with the rush of it all. The sudden hit of exhaustion comes all at once and she places a tired, somewhat sloppy kiss to Weiss’s pulse. She’s so lost in the fog that crawls over her mind that she deludes herself into thinking that they’ll be okay. That no matter what tomorrow brings, maybe Weiss is right. Maybe the sun will shine on them again and they’ll be happy.
She hopes she’s right.