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Cha Hakyeon, aged 25, a man whose names are as varied as the hats he wears. To the members of his group, he is Leader-hyung on broadcasts, Hakyeon-hyung when they want something and Heukyeon-hyung when they’re talking about him behind their backs after a grueling training session made longer by his perfectionist tendencies. To the Starlights that brighten the path of his chosen calling, he’s also known as N, the single letter that speaks of him being えんen “eternally fated” with each of them. But other than his mother, there’s only one person who dares call him—
“CHA HAKYEON-AH!”
And that’s Jung Eun-ji, aged 22, three entire years younger than him and the antithesis of the respectful image-conscious Korean society he was brought up to believe in.
In a cruel mockery of his chosen name, it seems that somehow their えんen, their fate, had been entwined since their first meeting. Now, as he cringes internally in his makeup chair on the Sassy Go Go set, he thinks he would not have it any other way.
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The low buzz of excited voices rouses Hakyeon from his slumber in his stylist’s chair. His eyes blink open, hands straightening his clothes, not wanting to be caught at anything less than his best by whoever had just entered the M Countdown waiting room that they shared with JJ Project and BtoB. With a start, he realises that the long-haired brunette chattering excitedly to Wonshik -- No, his name is Ravi -- at the entrance was Eunji-sunbaenim: member of the previous year’s Rookie Of The Year and the envy of all who aspire to the same dreams in the cramped waiting room.
How did Wonshik even...But there was no time for questions as Ravi’s gaze scans the room, lighting up once their eyes meet.
“N hyung, N hyung! Come here!”
At least he remembers my stage name, Hakyeon thinks wryly.
Hakyeon had a face reserved for moments like this, one of the few that he practiced the moment he took over the reins as leader of VIXX. Hwang-sajangnim’s voice echoes in his head. The cameras are everywhere. There is no such thing as a private moment. Never let down your guard.
As he walks over, not too quickly so that he doesn’t look overly excited yet not so slowly that he looks disrespectful, he eases his features into channeling the right amount of friendly vibes and wide-eyed sincerity. He is, after all, the leader of VIXX. Greatest idol band to ever debut in the Korean Peninsula, even if the rest of the world did not know it yet. And he’d be damned if he gave anyone reason to think that they were anything less than friendly, approachable and professional.
His hand is outstretched, tilted to the perfect angle, ready to give a firm handshake as he had been taught, but the warmth of another hand does not envelop his.
Is the angle wrong? Too high? Too low? Maybe she thinks that handshakes are too informal?
Instead, Eunji inclines her head to the left, staring at him unblinking. He is slightly unnerved, what is she looking at, what does she see? Almost as if he passed some kind of test, Eunji breaks out into a grin and pulls him close by his palm to bump his shoulder instead. As their shoulders bump against each other, she whispers,
“Hey leader, loosen up a bit. You won’t die.”
She winks at him, and fluttering her fingers to the rest of the waiting room, takes her leave to a collective sigh. Thrown off-guard, he allows himself to be pulled to the rest of the members by an overly excited Wonshik. He feels the envious gazes burning holes in his back, but can’t bring himself to feel anything other than complete bewilderment.
Was my tie too tight?
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If you limited Cha Hakyeon to just the one thing that defines him, it would be his dancing. That was the birth of his stage, borne through countless years in various practice rooms; a craft honed through sheer hard work and relentlessness. Which is why he feels his exasperation building as his positions himself in front of the school’s dance studio mirror as Eunji slouches impassively in the corner, more intent on eating her ice-cream than helping him.
“Is this how I should place my hands? Or is this better? Do you think I’d look cuter with one ponytail? Or would two look more balanced? Come on. It’s a punishment, yes, but all the students are going to be seeing this later, I’m not going to go up there with anything less than perfect!”
He is this close to throwing a tantrum, which he knows is highly unprofessional of him. What would the fans say if they knew that he, Cha Hakyeon, winner of 15 medals for dance even before he debuted, was struggling to perfect a girl group dance?
“What kind of expression should I be wearing at the 22nd count of the song? And when will you finally be done with that ice cream?”
“Hakyeon-ah.”
“Eunji-yah.”
“HAKYEON-AH.”
“EUNJI-YAH.”
“YOU WOKE ME UP AT 3 AM. It is now 10. They’re only going to play 1:30 of LUV. I know you said you were bad at math, but I’m sure even you can tell that the numbers don’t add up?”
They were almost shoulder-to-shoulder, both wearing similarly exasperated expressions. Hakyeon looks down, eyes widening at how close they had suddenly become. He blinks a few times trying to process the appropriateness of a leader of an idol group standing this close to a member of a girl group and are there any cameras hidden behind the mirrors? when he feels Eunji relaxing her stance. Bewildered and still trying to sort out his thoughts, he was completely unprepared for the resounding slap that landed across his back.
“What was that for!”
“You wanted to know what kind of expression you should be wearing, right?”
Hakyeon nods eagerly, feeling like he would finally be able to learn the secret of a girl group’s perfect poise.
“Keep that face on. That’s probably where you should head.” Patting his cheek, she takes a step back and motions towards the door. “If you’d excuse me, I’m going to meet Seungyeon to fix Kangnam’s avatar makeup.”
As she leaves, he thinks he hears her mutter, “If I have to stay here for one second more, I’m going to kill that oppa and bury him where no one can find him.”
But he must have misheard. After all, if anyone was the crazy one, it had to be her right? He was just doing his part as a member of this show, as an idol in this industry. And what on earth could she possibly mean by that face? He collapses to the floor, thoughts racing. Idly, he picks up his phone, fingers beginning to dial the number of the only person he could think of now.
“Oh hyung, what’s up? Aren’t you filming at the school now?”
“I’ve never done anything bad to you, right? Wonshik-ah, I’ve always been nice, and responsible and such a good leader. I’ve always led the team well, haven’t I?”
“Uhh..,I guess so?”
“Then why, when you introduced me to that woman, did you not warn me about how difficult she is! You know she refuses to help me practice for my performance later? Does she think the 뱁새 image came without any practice?”
“Ahh, you’re talking about Eunji--”
“AND she picked on my dance! She says, okay she didn’t say it but I just know she was thinking that my dance isn’t good enough.”
“I’m sure she didn’t --”
“THEN when we were arguing, and you know the way she goes Hakyeon-ah even though she’s like younger, and she was like this close to my face and like we don’t even know if they thought to hide cameras in this studio and all of a sudden she tells me that I’ve got the right face. And then she leaves me saying something about killing someone and burying someone. And I still have NO. IDEA. WHAT. FACE. SHE’S. TALKING. ABOUT.”
“...done?”
Hakyeon lets out the breath he’s been holding and nods, before realising that Wonshik can’t see him.
“Weren’t you the one who asked her to drop the formalities since you guys are classmates on the show?”
“But I didn’t mean for her to use my name like that.”
“Like what?” A distinctly female voices materializes next to him.
Hakyeon whirls around so fast he drops the phone that was in his hand, switching the call to speaker mode by accident.
“Oh my gosh. How- What- When did you..Weren’t you doing Kangnam’s makeup?!”
“Hyung…? Hello…?”
“Oh is that you Ravi? I don’t think Hakyeon heard me coming in. What were you guys talking about?”
“Oh Eunji-yah. Nothing much, Hyung was just complain--”
“--Talk to you another time, Wonshik-ah!” Hakyeon scoops his phone off the floor and frantically ends the call.
“Hakyeon-ah.”
“Eunji-yah.”
“HAKYEON-AH.”
“EUNJI-YAH WON’T YOU STOP CALLING MY NAME LIKE THAT?”
“Why?” Eunji crosses her arms with an infuriating grin across her face. She has never seen Hakyeon lose control before and it was more satisfactory than she could imagine.
“Why? WHY?” Hakyeon starts pacing and gesticulating wildly. “Because there are cameras everywhere! We need to be on our best behavior, all the time. Because we’re idols! It’s our duty to the public to to to…”
“To what? What is it that you owe the public?”
Momentarily stumped, he quickly rallies himself “We’re idols, Eunji-yah. The public, our fans, it’s because of them that we’re even here together in this same room.”
“And what is it then, that the fans want?”
“You know how our VIXX fans are called Starlights?”
Eunji tilts her head to the side, indicating that she had.
“The only reason they can shine for us is because we first shined for them. Just the slightest hint of imperfection, Eunji-yah, and we lose our lustre.” Because a flawed superman is just a guy wearing his underwear on the outside.
“Tell me honestly. Do you really think that anyone sincerely believes that we’re perfect?”
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“And for the final performance before we hand you back to the math teachers, let me introduce the seventh member of APINK!”
As the strains of LUV begin playing in the background, Hakyeon starts to dance to thunderous applause and cheers from the student audience.
He’s pretty sure that he hasn’t gotten the movements down pat, and the angle of his hip swing could have been better, but he doesn’t think he’s had that much fun performing on stage in a while. Stealing a glance at Eunji, he notes her proud smile and hears the words that have been floating in his head ever since their discussion (idols don’t have arguments Eunji-yah) yesterday.
We’re not perfect people, Hakyeon-ah. Why drive yourself crazy trying to maintain this impossible image, when your fans, those who truly are your fans and want the best for you, already appreciate you for who you are, not in spite of but because of your flaws?
And while he may not fully agree with Eunji, he does concede that perhaps there is a limit to how much perfection the world can handle.
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“CHA HAKYEON-AH.”
Hakyeon braces himself for the hurricane that Eunji brings with her wherever she lands, unable to stop himself from furtively glancing around the Sassy Go Go makeup room to see if she’s offended anybody else in the process.
(She doesn’t.)
Squeezing her way to nestle herself between the chairs of her male costars, she lets out an unrestrained bark of laughter at the curler that is firmly lodged in Hakyeon’s hair. Feigning irritation he makes a swipe at her as Wongeun looks on with bemusement.
Long days of filming on-set have taken its toll on all three of them, but they’ve managed to maintain a buoyant atmosphere on set, thanks in large part to Eunji and her penchant for jokes and straight-talking. For that, Hakyeon is eternally grateful, even if he does growl a bit when she turns to Jisoo and starts to tell them stories from when they had first met.
“Aww, won’t you look at our Hakyeon. He’s such a changed person now.”
“Oh? Do tell. What was Hakyeon-hyung like?”
“Jung Eunji. I swear. Can’t you let me enjoy having just one dongsaeng who still worships the ground I walk on?"
“Could he possibly be any worse?”
“Hah. If you think this is bad, imagine that when we first met, he wouldn’t even smile without having practiced for it.”
Sinking into his chair and muttering some choice words for irreverent dongsaengs, he allows a tiny smile to curl up the corner of his mouth.
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