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Sendoh Akira, a love-ravaged doll, I am. Forever, I long for affection, though it seems that it will never come.
Maki Shinichi, my love and my maker, is as angelic as he is artistic. He imbues me with life, so tenderly and so meticulously, breathing life into the doll that has ever wished to feel. But alas, my limbs are still and my body is naught but clay, unable to reach out and embrace him as he has already done for me.
Some nights, I gaze upon him from afar, longing to be human and share his presence, to hold him in my loving embrace and feel him holding me in return. But alas, I am merely a doll, frozen in time, a lifeless canvas to be painted on.
And so, I watch him, my love, devote himself to his other artworks, wondering if I am just another piece amongst many other masterworks? Or am I simply an insignificant doll to be admired and discarded at his will?
At times, I lament my doll-like form when I am presented to other humans, their flesh warm and their movements free. I grow envy within my spirit when I watch them touch and hold my love, Shinichi, so effortlessly and lovingly.
Would my love be reciprocated if there was warmth in my veins and if my limbs were no longer stiff and frozen? Would Shinichi love me if I possessed a heart that could beat and a body that could move freely as if a living organism?
In those moments, as I stare into Shinichi's eyes with the lifeless of mine, I dream of a future where I am his, and he is mine. A future where I am alive, with a heart that beats and a body that moves gently to the song of love. A dream where I am more than just a lifeless doll, but an adored and cherished man, by the love of my life. But alas, as Shinichi continues to carve, I begin to wonder if my dear love will ever love me the way I long for him to love me.
Am I not the luckiest doll amongst them all?For while they are stuck onto the wall, destined to remain motionless and lifeless, I am blessed with legs to stand tall and arms to embrace. I may not be able to move as freely as other humans, but when Shinichi gazes upon me with affection, I feel that I am truly alive. But what if it's all just a delusion of mine? A self-proclaimed truth concocted by me and only me?
As I lay my eyes upon Shinichi's artworks, I am struck by how exquisite they are. Truly, every piece is a love-laden masterpiece, as if the creator had poured all of his heart into its creation even as they were stucked onto the walls. But as I observe them, a bitter tinge of jealousy tugs at my strings, seeing how easily replaceable I am to the one I hold so dear. Even the lifeless canvases seem to bring joy, while I must live in perpetuity beneath these cold, stone eyes.
Sporadically, he would listen to a lovely tunes as he crave my skin. He would hum to it with the sweetest smile. The smile on his face is everything i needed. Maybe, if I have a voice, an angelic voice, would it be easier for me to express my love towards him?
I wonder if my words could reach him, as his music and carvings reached my soul. My voice unheard, never spoken; my affection unsaid, never heard. Would the sound of my love penetrate his heart, and warm his soul, as his tunes and carvings did for me? If only I could sing of my love for him, I might finally make him mine. Yet, my voice remains mute. My song is one that must live in silence, as my body lives in stasis.
Yet I wonder if it is my fate to stay a quiet and lifeless doll forever. To merely observe Shinichi, to merely look upon his smiling face, with only my empty eyes to share my love. Is that all I'll ever be able to do? I hope not. I hope that one day, I can sing to him of this love that he knows yet does not know.
As I am carried into the hall of masterpiece, the eyes of the admirers fall upon me. Their words echo off the walls, filling the space with praise and admiration. But I feel empty, for despite the adoration of the crowd, it is Shinichi's gaze I seek. Why couldn't it be him? Why couldn't it be his eyes looking at me, instead of the cold, soulless eyes of strangers? Will it ever be my turn to feel the joy of being admired by the love of my life?
I stand, still and lifeless, as the eyes of the crowd flutter over me. I can only imagine what they see. A beautiful doll, a work of art unlike any they have seen before. But none of them know my secret - my soul remains trapped inside. I would give anything to break through this stasis. To walk. To speak. To love. But it seems I am forever bound to be a lifeless, silent art piece. I am a slave to this gallery… and to his love.
As time slowly passes by and his visits grow increasingly distant, my memories of his face start to fade, like a flower in the winter sun.
My love for him remains unchanged, though, and I long for his presence with all my heart.
I hope that someday, soon, he'll finally return to rescue me from this place of loneliness and abandonment. But until then, all I have is my hope and my memories; my hopes of seeing him again, my memories of the touches that gave my heart life.
Sendoh Akira, a love-ravaged doll, I am. Forever, I long for affection, though it seems that it will never come.