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Sir, please tell your wife to calm down.

Summary:

"Sir, please tell your wife to relax. Everything's going to be okay." Alice reassured on the other line, her voice accompanied by the clacking of computer keys.

"That's my husband." Steve corrected as Tony ran around in circles like a mad person.

"Really?" Alice sounded surprised and slightly suspicious as if Steve would lie about this sort of thing. Also, when his probably-ungrateful-and-ignoring his parents'-existence-baby was trapped inside a car.

Notes:

This is some little fic that was swimming inside my head. Its finally out now.

It's inspired from my favorite show Modern Family (Season 1 Episode 6).

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Tony was a ball of nervous energy as they left the pediatrician. He couldn't believe it that he had hurt his baby. Well, it wasn't intentional. But it didn't matter. 

Steve had dressed their one year old son, Peter, into this ridiculously hilarious outfit. Peter was dressed as a tiny sailor when Tony had returned home from work. One look at his precious baby, and he had absolutely lost it. He had scooped Peter in his arms from the photo shoot that Steve had set up for him in their living room.

Peter had looked so adorable that Tony hadn't been able to resist covering his chubby little cheeks with kisses. He was so lost in the moment, carrying Peter in his arms and dancing around to Wellerman playing in the background. Steve was laughing and snapping their photos. 

And then it had happened. 

Tony had bounced Peter, forgetting that their living room entrance was a bit on the shorter side. Peter had bumped his head on the wooden lining of the door to the living room. Thankfully, the sailor cap he was wearing took most of the hit. But, the shrill cry he let out was enough to panick both Steve and him.

They were new parents, and they panicked about everything. From their kid getting a new tooth to him bumping his head. 

Peter had cried for only five seconds at most. And he didn't have so much as a scratch on him. Thank lord for that! But they had panicked about an internal injury and then about his not crying, which led to an impromptu visit to the pediatrician. 

The pediatrician who then assured them that these little accidents happen all the time with kids. Peter was fine, and there was no need to worry.

She also may have had to talk down Tony from getting Peter an MRI scan. And then may be she also had to threaten to get both of their heads checked if they didn't stop panicking. 

Peter was just startled when he had bumped his head, which explained him crying. Thanks to the ridiculous sailor cap that he was wearing at the time, he didn't get hurt, which explained his not crying. 

All that led to them being currently in the clinic's parking lot and on the way to where their car was parked. 

Steve was carrying the car seat, which contained a happy Peter sitting inside it. He was contentedly chewing on his tiny fists and was completely oblivious to the turmoil and the guilt Tony still carried from the accident. He even let out an occasional babble as they made their way to their car, just to show how unaffected by all of it he was.

Tony didn't find it amusing. They had gotten a lot of smiles, and people had been cooing over how adorable and precious Peter looked in his little sailor uniform when they had burst into the clinic shouting 'EMERGENCY'. And well, that had helped. 

Peter had been smiling then also. When he was passed by his hysterical parents into the doctor's arms. He had even let out his endearing baby laugh. Steve had been afraid that their boy had lost his tiny one year old brain.

But all was fine now. Peter wasn't hurt. He hadn't lost his toddler brain. But what wasn't fine, though, was Tony looking crushed.

Steve sighed, but he bravely stepped into the role of a loving and supporting husband. He buckled Peter's car seat carefully in the back of their SUV and shut the door. He faced Tony and placed his hands on his husband's shoulders.

"I am sorry for almost killing our son." Tony muttered but leaned into his touch nonetheless. 

Steve snorted and rubbed his husband's neck. "He's fine, and that's all that matters."

"I am always afraid that I am doing something wrong with him, Steve." 

"Welcome to the club then."

Steve snorted at the look of disbelief on Tony's face. "You don't think that I am afraid at this parenting thing too?"

Tony shook his head. He was still looking shocked at the fact that Steve could also be afraid. 

"Well, I am too. Afraid that is. That I am going to end up messing him somehow."

Tony immediately shook his head. "You won't, Steve. I know it. You are an awesome father." His voice was full of conviction, which he lacked when he talked about himself. 

"You are too. I know it, Tony. You love him and care about him. That's all he needs."

Tony didn't look all that convinced, but he eagerly accepted the hug that Steve offered him.

"The doctor was right. We were being overprotective idiots. These things happen all the time." 

Steve said when they parted. Tony snorted in response. He was starting to relax, and Steve was glad for it.

"I was hysterical. My voice even raised a few pitches. You were more calm and sensible looking."

Steve just shook his head. "You were just worried."

Tony smiled softly and didn't say anything. The tender moment ended with Tony pressing a soft kiss on Steve's lips.

They turned in tandem toward the car. Peter was waving happily from his carseat. Steve and Tony waved in response. Steve even took out his phone to snap a few more pictures of Peter.

"The reflection from the sun is messing the photos. Let's get in the car and then take some, just something to mark this crazy memory." Tony commented, leaning on his shoulder to take a look at his phone screen.

Steve nodded and then stopped. With a horrified expression, he turned toward his husband. One look at his face, and Tony exclaimed.

"You put the keys in the backseat?!"

Steve wordlessly nodded. 

"Don't tell me you put the keys in the backseat, Steve!"

"But I did!"

"I said, don't tell me!" Tony's voice was many pitches higher than normal. He was also pulling at his hair.

Steve felt as if he was going to die. 

Peter didn't help the situation any by happily waving at them from inside his car prison. He didn't even know he was locked inside. For good measure, he even stuck his tongue out at them. It was just something he had learned this past week. Since then, he had chosen to show off this little trick of his at the worst possible times, too.

For instance, when Tony had stubbed his toe against the coffee table, or when Steve had cut his hand chopping an onion, or when Tony had dropped his phone, or when Steve had burnt his shirt, all Peter's responses to those incidents had been a cruel evil toddler version of mockery of them.

Like now.

"I told you never to put the car keys in the backseat. Oh god, we locked our baby inside." Tony had started yelling and jumping on the same spot beside the car as if it helped their situation any.

Steve was losing his mind himself. He was desperately trying to stay calm and think about the next step. So far, he was failing at both.

"I am going to break the glass!" Tony announced, practically dashing off to pick a garbage can and smash it against the car window. 

"You will get glass on him!" Steve yelled and stopped him by tugging on his shirt collar.

"Okay, okay. What do we do? Who do we call? Police? The President? Ambulance? Firefighters?"

Steve's eyes widened at that. "The car company!" He exclaimed, quickly searching for the customer service number on his phone.

In the meantime, Tony pressed his whole body against the car window. Steve was pretty sure Tony hadn't even heard him. 

"It's going to be alright, Petey! Just be strong, baby! Daddy and Papa got you!" Tony's voice wonderfully matched a teenage girl getting her first period. 

He was reassuring Peter, but he himself was freaking out more than the toddler. Peter didn't even know what was happening. To add insult to the injury, he even turned his face away from Tony and Steve.

To prove how completely fine he was in his prison, Peter even started kicking his chubby little feet happily.  

Steve felt offended as he waited for the call to connect.

"Baby Shark, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo

Baby Shark, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo

Baby Shark, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo

Baby Shark"

Tony was singing 'Baby Shark' to help calm down the absolutely not freaking kid of theirs. People were starting to notice them. A few even started recording them.

"That's what get people arrested, Tony! Stop the singing."

Steve shushed him.

"What are we gonna do?!" Tony yelled, ignoring him. At least he had stopped his chanting of the Baby Shark.

The phone connected. 

"Emergency Assistance. This is Alice. How may I help you?"

"We locked our baby in the car. By mistake! The keys are inside! People are judging and recording us! What should we do?!"

Steve yelled-explained their problem.

Meanwhile, Tony was still shouting in the background. 

"My baby! We locked our baby in the car! Peter! I am GONNA BREAK THE WINDOW!"

"DO NOT BREAK THE WINDOW! You will get glass on him!" Steve stopped Tony from going after the garbage can. Again.

"Sir, please tell your wife to relax. Everything's going to be okay." Alice reassured on the other line, her voice accompanied by the clacking of computer keys.

"That's my husband." Steve corrected as Tony ran around in circles like a mad person.

"Really?" Alice sounded surprised and slightly suspicious as if Steve would lie about this sort of thing. Also, when his probably-ungrateful-and-ignoring his parents'-existence-baby was trapped inside a car.

"Sir, we sent the signal. The door should be open now."

Steve clasped the door handle and tugged at it. It opened. He released a breath and thanked Alice before hanging up. 

Tony slumped against his side in relief. He leaned down and plucked Peter from his car seat. 

Peter had each of his cheeks kissed by his dads.

"Everything's fine! We got our baby back!"

Steve yelled around the parking lot to a few people who had gathered around to watch their family drama unfold. 

"Oh, god! Oh god!" Tony kissed Peter on his fuzzy little head of brown curls. Peter slapped a spit covered hand on his cheek in response. 

Steve smiled. He hugged both his boys closer to his chest and squeezed them tight.

"Now, who's the bad father?" He asked sheepishly. 

"No, you are not, Steve." 

It was Steve's turn to throw him an incredulous look. 

"Without you, we wouldn't even have a baby to lock inside the car! You are not bad! You took care of the whole adoption thing! You are the reason he's here!"

Steve looked at Peter, who blew him a spit covered raspberry. He laughed after a moment, holding onto his little family just a bit tighter.

"May be we are just new at this parenting thing." Tony commented, directing a smile his way.

Steve kissed that smile and nodded. What hell this day had been. 

Notes:

Do let me know in the comments of what you think about this fic.

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