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Levi was waiting for the mess hall to open so he could get himself breakfast. It was early, the sun was just barely rising. He usually was the first to arrive and the first to leave. He would come early so he could grab Erwin’s portion without calling too much attention to it. He used to keep a constant eye on the door to see if Erwin would join them all, but he rarely came, so now it was a part of Levi’s daily routine to grab some extra food for Erwin since he had a bad habit of not eating. Levi didn’t understand it. Why would you go hungry when you had food provided for you? Erwin insisted he would forget or was simply too busy, but Levi knew how it felt to be hungry. He didn’t want Erwin to feel like that.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Captain!” Petra chirped from behind him. Maybe he hadn’t gotten there as early as he had thought.
He turned to look at her, she had a bright smile on her face. Petra was a good kid. Optimistic, maybe even happy. The things they’d all seen hadn’t ruined her yet.
“What?”
“Happy Valentine’s Day.” She repeated.
Levi wasn’t sure if he had heard of it before. Surfacers had too many holidays, and all of them were pointless. How was he expected to keep up with all of them? He decided to skip the look of pity that people would tend to give him when they found out he didn’t know of a popular tradition and just accepted the sentiment.
“Oh. You too.”
“Do you have any plans?”
“No.”
Was he supposed to have plans? Maybe not, because she nodded as if that was the expected answer.
Unsurprisingly, Erwin didn’t show up to get breakfast by the time Levi finished, so he grabbed a portion for Erwin and silently left the mess hall. He dropped Erwin’s food off, waved off Erwin’s thanks, and left. Usually he would have stayed, helped Erwin with paperwork or whatever else Erwin might need of him, but he had early training that morning. An expedition was slowly approaching and he wanted to make sure his squad was as ready as they could be.
He was on his way to the training fields when he saw Eld walk past him, carrying a rather large bundle of flowers.
“Why the fuck did you bring all these inside?” Levi asked.
Eld raised an eyebrow, as if it was an odd thing to ask, but then quickly reined in his expression.
“It’s Valentine’s Day, Captain.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“People give flowers on Valentine’s Day.” His tone suggested that Levi should have definitely known that.
It was quiet between the two, the atmosphere bordering on awkward. He felt a spark of anger that he knew wasn’t completely justified.
“We’re training soon. Get out to the field.” His voice was unnecessarily sharp.
“Yes, Captain.” Eld said with a salute, the flowers hitting against his chest before his fist.
As Levi made his way to the training grounds he pictured Erwin giving him flowers. He wasn’t sure why.
Training went smoothly, aside from Oluo pestering Petra more than usual. He heard the mention of Valentine’s Day a few times throughout the hour until he snapped at them and told them to focus. He’d be damned if his squad wasn’t prepared because they spent their time slacking off. Their training had kept them alive this far, and Levi planned on keeping it that way. He knew it was foolish to think he could protect them from titans, everything changed beyond the walls. Tomorrow was not guaranteed.
The next few hours he spent barking orders, getting the best from his squad. He both demonstrated and drilled them on maneuvers they all knew forwards and backwards by that point. He worked them until the only thing that could make them feel human again was a shower.
Right after leaving the bath, he saw Hange in the hallway.
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” They greeted him.
It kept coming up, so Levi finally asked.
“What the fuck is Valentine’s Day?”
“It’s the day of love!”
Love? What a stupid thing to celebrate.
“You guys celebrate the dumbest things up here.”
“You’re no fun.” Hange said with a quick roll of their eyes. “It’s just a fun little way to let someone know you care about them.”
“You don’t need a holiday for that.”
“Yeah? You’re telling me you let people know you care about them?” They teased.
Levi didn’t reply, slightly annoyed that they were correct. That sort of thing was hard for him. Everyone he'd ever cared about had ended up dying, so it felt like letting people in was just asking to get hurt. It felt like he was cursed and anyone unlucky enough to get into his heart was damned.
“It gives people like you an excuse to let others know how you feel.” Hange continued. “It’s the only way scared little kids can face their feelings.”
“Oh, shut up.”
Hange cackled and Levi smacked the back of their head, cringing when he felt their dirty hair.
A holiday to let people know how you feel… What a gentle, sensitive thing. No wonder he wasn’t familiar with it. In the underground people didn't necessarily go around talking about love or caring for others. It was survival of the fittest, and love tended to push you down the food chain. But on the surface, they celebrated it. How peculiar.
“So, I just give someone a gift? And they’ll know?”
“Know what?”
“All that stuff you said. They’ll know I care or whatever.”
“Yup!”
Levi nodded to himself. Maybe he could do that… it might even be nice to do that.
“You should shower.” Levi said before turning to leave. He heard Hange spew out the start of some sort of argument, but Levi didn’t bother to listen.
He spent the next half an hour wondering what exactly he should do. He immediately knew that if he was going to give someone something, it was going to be Erwin. Levi had never celebrated holidays, not really, but something about the idea of letting Erwin know he cared about him made Levi feel an unfamiliar lightness in his chest that he didn’t necessarily hate. Eld had given someone flowers, so he assumed that was probably a safe option. He didn’t truly see the appeal of giving someone something that would die. He’d picked flowers before and they would wilt before he returned to his room. Some things were better left untouched.
It was an unusually sunny day for February, so Levi took advantage of that fact and made his way up to the stables, hoping what he was looking for would be there. He was pleased when he found them. Small blue flowers. He didn’t know the name of them. Erwin did, he had told Levi about them once. Though the name escaped him, he always associated them with Erwin. He’d always thought they were pretty. He carefully placed them in his front pocket, hoping the delicate petals wouldn’t get crushed.
Levi knocked sharply twice before opening Erwin’s office door. He was met with the sight of Erwin sitting behind his desk, doing paperwork that Levi assumed had no real value but needed to be done regardless.
“Hello, Levi.” Erwin greeted without looking up, he never did anymore. He always seemed to know it was him.
Levi closed the door behind him and walked over to Erwin’s desk. He was nervous to give the flowers to him. It suddenly felt childish and ridiculous. He tried to calm himself by remembering that Hange said it was normal to give someone you care about a gift up here, especially on Valentine’s Day.
“I got these for you.” Levi said as he placed the small flowers down.
He had made sure to not get something big, unlike the few people he’d seen walking around. It was too extravagant. Why would someone want that many flowers? But now that he was looking at the measly pathetic things, he doubted his decision.
Erwin looked up to Levi, then down to where he had placed the flowers. He had only plucked three, thinking any less might look odd since the flowers were so small.
“What’s this?” Erwin asked, looking back up at Levi.
“Flowers.”
“I can see that, but why are you giving them to me?”
“It’s Valentine’s Day.”
Erwin didn’t say anything, he just stared at Levi as if waiting for a better explanation. Embarrassment crashed over him and he quickly snatched the three small flowers back. This had been a mistake. He knew this was ridiculous. He knew that Erwin wouldn’t want them. Why would he? He essentially brought him weeds and placed them on his desk.
“These are stupid, nevermind.” Levi said, quickly moving over to the waste bin and tossing them inside. He hesitated, before deciding to leave. Erwin was still looking at him without saying a word and the silence felt too loud.
Some things were better left untouched.
It didn’t take Levi long to find Hange. They were in their small makeshift lab, studying notes about god knows what. Even if Levi could see the notes properly, he wouldn’t be able to decipher Hange’s chicken scratch.
“Hey, fuck you. What’s the joke?” They appeared taken aback when they looked at him.
“Hello to you too.”
Levi stepped inside the room fully and crossed his arms.
“I gave Erwin flowers like you said and he acted like I was fucking mental.”
“Aw, you got Erwin flowers?” Hange said, their voice rising in pitch. He didn’t like that.
“Eld said that’s what you give. Was he wrong?”
“No, no. He’s right.”
“Well one of you is fucking lying to me.”
Hange started to speak but Levi wasn’t in the mood. He felt acidic, like burning anything that tried to touch him. He hated to admit that his ego had taken a hit, but it had. He couldn’t get the image of Erwin’s face out of his head, his less than impressed tone. Maybe if he had given him a proper bouquet like everyone else was giving, it would have gone over more smoothly. But that wasn’t it. He seemed confused that Levi had given him anything at all, like he wouldn't expect Levi to care about him, like he wouldn’t consider giving Levi something. What a pathetic thing, caring whether or not someone wants to give you a present. Since when had Levi become so spoiled?
“I have to go.” He interrupted whatever Hange had been saying.
The day was busy, or at least that’s what Levi pretended, as he avoided Erwin as much as he could. It was an easy task, easier than he thought it would be considering he usually spent a large portion of his day with him. He wondered idly if he sought out excuses to do so but dismissed it as soon as he realized the answer was likely yes.
Levi didn’t bring Erwin his meals, though he did make sure Hange did, and he claimed he had to help Gunter with a problem when Erwin suggested a walk when they saw each other in passing. He had no doubt that Erwin knew what he was doing. Erwin always knew what Levi was doing. It came as a comfort as well as an annoyance.
Levi forced himself to do his usual routine of bringing tea for him and Erwin to drink in his office at the end of the day. How could he expect things to go back to normal if he didn’t behave as he normally did? He was going to pretend nothing had happened; because nothing did happen. It was an insignificant event, a small thing that would be forgotten in a day or two.
“Levi,” Erwin said when he walked in. He was sitting at his desk, like he usually was. Levi avoided making eye contact of any kind.
“How much paperwork is left?” He immediately took control of the conversation, not wanting it to stray to earlier that day.
“An hour or so maybe.”
“Still?”
Levi placed the platter that held their tea cups and teapot on the small table where they usually sat every night. He sat down and began to pour their tea.
“Well, I took a small break to go to the market.”
“Why?”
Erwin stood up and walked over to Levi. He was holding something small that was wrapped in parchment paper.
“I got this for you.”
Levi raised an eyebrow and took the offered gift.
“What is it?”
“Chocolate.”
Levi pulled down the wrapping to reveal the smooth candy. Chocolate was expensive and something usually for special occasions.
“Why?”
“It’s Valentine’s Day, as you earlier mentioned.”
Just the mention of the holiday made Levi’s insides crawl. A stupid fucking holiday.
“Did Hange put you up to this bullshit?”
Erwin’s eyebrows furrowed slightly.
“No. Why would I talk to Hange about Valentine’s Day?”
“They’re the ones who told me about the stupid holiday.” Levi crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.
“You don’t have it in the underground?” Erwin asked. Levi thought it was an inane question.
“No. Hange said it’s for the people you care about.”
“They’re right.”
“So I got you stupid flowers because Eld was giving someone flowers.”
“I didn’t think they were stupid.”
“You did, and that’s fine. They were.” Levi didn’t necessarily want to be having this conversation.
“I just didn’t know how to react, I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that I didn’t appreciate them. I was taken off guard. Valentine’s Day is usually for sweethearts.”
“What?”
“Couples.”
Levi blinked. Huffed out a breath. He was hoping it would relieve some of the tension in his chest that had been building, but it did nothing at all. Erwin’s hesitation made more sense now, and it only made Levi’s humiliation grow.
“Oh.”
“But I do appreciate them.”
“Sorry I threw them away, then.” Levi was partly kidding. He knew they were a shitty gift. Now Erwin went and spent a pretty penny on him just because he gave him some pathetic flowers.
“I retrieved them from the bin.”
“Oh.” He repeated, this time more from surprise than embarrassment. He wasn’t sure why the thought made his stomach flip, or why it made him want to smile. He didn’t, though. “That’s gross.”
Erwin looked down and chuckled lightly. The sound warmed Levi’s insides. He liked when Erwin laughed. Lately, the sound had been few and far between. He found himself wishing they lived in a world where Erwin would always be smiling and laughing.
Levi broke off a piece of chocolate and handed it out for Erwin. He paused before smiling and taking it from him. Levi snapped off another bit of chocolate for himself and took a bite.
“You didn’t have to get me something.” Levi said.
“I wanted to.”
“You didn’t.” He scoffed. “I made you feel bad.”
Erwin popped the small piece of chocolate into his mouth before finally sitting down.
“That’s not entirely true. There were multiple reasons.”
Levi huffed out an amused laugh and rolled his eyes.
The conversation was light as they drank their tea and shared the chocolate Erwin had given him. Levi felt content, maybe even happy. He knew the taste of chocolate would now always remind him of Erwin.
They did eventually have to start working again, though. It was never too bad, if anything just a bit repetitive. The silence that fell in the room as they began was comfortable and familiar. Erwin was familiar. If there was a day for celebrating people you care about, he decided this was a fine way to spend it.
“I’d been wondering if I should get you a gift.” Erwin said after a while of silence.
“Why? It’s for couples.” He said as he finished up his signature.
Erwin was quiet for just a moment too long before replying, “Yes.”
Levi looked up to find that Erwin was already looking at him. He waited for Erwin to expand on what he had just said, but he left it at that, starting on his paperwork once more. Ignoring the way his stomach felt light and the way his lips curled up just the slightest, Levi got back to his work too.
When Levi settled down for the night, he decided maybe Valentine’s Day wasn’t so bad.