Chapter Text
Isabelle Grace Benson may only be ten years old, but she isn’t stupid.
Maybe stupid isn’t the word she’s looking for, but clueless.
While her mother never really talks about her father, she knows he exists. She’s learned about how babies are made so she knows she has one.
It wasn’t until last year when she’d learned who that was, and that had been by accident.
She’d been making her way to her mom’s office when she heard her voice raise out into the bullpen.
“I’m not inviting him, Fin.”
Izzy had tucked herself next to the open door and turned her ear closer.
“Liv, it’s been over a decade. I think it’s time to try again.” Isabelle hears her mother huff and she crouches further to the ground as she hears her step closer to the door.
“Why Fin,” the door closes more, but doesn’t click into the frame. “So he can take one look at Isabelle and know that she’s his? Absolutely not.”
It feels like the floor falls out from underneath her and Isabelle falls to her butt, her backpack being crushed between the wall and her back.
“You ever think he should know about her? I know you tried right after he left, but it’s been ten years.” Isabelle’s fingers dig into the ground and she takes a deep breath.
“Elliot made his own choices, Fin.”
Elliot, Isabelle commits to memory. Why does she know that name? She’s never heard her mother talk about her father with this much detail in her entire life, but she has definitely heard the name Elliot before.
“And I get that Liv, but isn’t it only fair to Isabelle to get to know her dad?”
She hears her mother’s footsteps boom across the floor and her voice is dangerously low as she says, “Odafin, you’re pushing it. I can’t do this to him, do this to her. And I tried, I tried, Fin.”
Her steps continue, softer now and they come near the door again. “I called him for months after I found out I was pregnant. Nothing. I called him after Lewis, the number was disconnected.”
The squeak of the sofa that Isabelle typically sits in after school echoes out into the squad room and Isabelle closes her eyes, imagining herself sitting next to her mother.
“I know how much Isabelle wants to know him. I wanted her to know him. Before. Now? Fin, I don’t know him anymore. What if he hurts her?”
The sofa creaks again and Isabelle smiles.
“As much as I want to hit ‘im sometimes, I don’t think that man could ever mean to hurt his child.”
Isabelle decides then that it’s time to move and crawls away, heading for her Uncle Fin’s desk. She pulls herself into the chair and watches her mother’s office door.
A few minutes later the door swings open and Uncle Fin walks out and spies her at his desk.
“There’s my favorite girl,” he booms as he walks towards her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and giving her a hug.
“No, that’s mom,” she reminds him and Fin presses a kiss to the back of her head.
“How about both of you are my favorite?”
Isabelle shrugs and talks with him for a minute more before heading for her mom’s office. She finds her sitting behind her desk, her head buried in her hands and Isabelle slowly closes the door behind her.
Olivia looks up when she hears the door click into the frame and smiles when she sees her daughter in front of her.
She reaches for Izzy and Isabelle drops her bag onto the sofa before stepping into her mother’s arms.
“Hi baby,” Olivia coos and Isabelle smiles.
“Hi mommy,” Olivia presses a kiss to the side of her head.
“How was school today?” Isabelle steps away and begins to tell her about school while her eyes search all the pictures on her mother’s desk.
She finds pictures of Aunt Amanda, Pop Cragen, Uncle John, and Uncle Fin. It isn’t until Isabelle notices the picture of Uncle Nick that it finally occurs to her, who was her mom’s partner before Uncle Nick?
She knows that there was one, another partner. And Isabelle knows she knows the name. It’s just that she can’t think of it right now.
Eyes flit over the various news clippings and finally one catches her eye. A picture of her mother and Pop Cragen and the rest of her makeshift family looking significantly younger. She recognizes all but one of the men immediately and then she realizes, that is Elliot.
Elliot had been her mother's partner.
The partner before Uncle Nick. She’d never learned why he had left. Honestly, she didn’t know much about him. She had only learned his name after finding a picture similar to this news clipping and asking her mother about him, this mystery man.
“That’s Elliot,” was all she’d provided, her voice low and sharp.
But that had all happened a year ago, Izzy learning who her father was, and the fact that her mother still had no idea that she knew. After some long investigations, she’d learned that her mother and father had been partnered together for longer than Izzy had been alive. That was why Uncle Fin had wanted to invite him to the award ceremony her mom had had last year, so that he could speak about her. Instead, Uncle Nick had flown in from California to do it.
She’d tried her best to get information from her aunts and uncles but so far, none of them were very helpful. Aunt Alex had caught on immediately to what she was doing so she’d abandoned ship quickly and everyone else didn’t know her dad.
Which had left her with Uncle John.
It’s not that she didn’t like Uncle John, it’s just that he was always a little weird.
But she knew one way to get him on board.
“It’s a conspiracy Uncle John,” she whispers to him from her mom’s office phone. “She’s hiding me from my dad.”
John grows quiet then and Isabelle almost hangs up the phone until John resignedly says, “Alright kid, tell me everything you know.”
So she did.
She told him about the conversation she’d overheard. How she knew who Elliot was now after looking through the old pictures her mom had shown her a few years prior.
She tells him how she found a picture of him with a group of kids and her mom with really short hair.
“Are those kids my sisters and brother?”
John had made her send the picture to him and confirmed it was a picture from the year Elliot had been separated from Kathy and all the kids had come to the precinct for his birthday.
Sighing, John leans back in his chair and closed his eyes. He knows that if she’s given any longer, Isabelle could damn well find an address for Elliot, even though it might not be correct.
“How about this kid, what if I bring you to Elliot?”
Immediately she says, “No, you’ll tell Mom on me.”
“Isabelle,” John gently reminds her. “I’ve known you for all your life and I know that once you’ve got your mind set to something, you’re gonna make it happen. I’d rather bring you to Elliot and know where you are than have you sneak off and end up somewhere you’re not supposed to be.”
It’s quiet while Isabelle thinks over the offer and John starts searching through his desk for the card he knows has Elliot’s cell phone number on it.
“You know where he is?” Izzy asks quietly, her voice barely coming across the line and John smiles.
“Yeah kid, I do.”
Izzy nods. “Alright. Can you bring me to him this weekend?”
John blanches and his hands freeze. “Isabelle...”
“Mom has a really big case right now and she said that if it doesn’t get better I’m stayin’ with Hannah for the weekend. And if she thinks I’m stayin’ with Hannah, I’ll be able to go with you to see my dad.”
Shaking his head, John pulls the card with Elliot’s phone number on it and he leans back in the chair. “Alright kid. I’ll pick you up on Friday.”
“I’ll call you later Uncle John. Love you.”
Isabelle hangs up the phone then and John closes his eyes, his fingers clutching onto the card with Elliot’s new cell phone number and he shakes his head as he wonders what he’s gotten himself into.
Isabelle calls him Friday morning before she heads to school, confirming that she’s heading home with her friend Hannah and that she expects him at her house at four o’clock.
He can only bring himself to chuckle, thinking only how much like her mother she is at this moment. He packs a bag and shows up at the front of the apartment right before four.
And just like clockwork, Isabelle comes out the front door, bag slung over her shoulder as she searches for his car.
Rolling down the window, he yells, “Isabelle!” and Izzy smiles as she heads for the car.
“Hi Uncle John,” she says as she gets into the front seat and John eyes her carefully as they pull away.
“Hey kid.”
It’s quiet for most of the drive out of the city, John putting in the address right as they cross over the Willis Avenue Bridge.
197 Orange Road, Canaan, New Hampshire.
Isabelle files away the knowledge and leans her head against the window, as she pulls at her jeans while a knot grows in her stomach.
As they get onto the Interstate, John looks at her and sighs.
“Are you sure you still wanna go Isabelle? I’ll take you back home and tell your mother I was just spending time with you.”
Isabelle picks her head up and looks over at him, staring for a moment before shaking her head.
“No,” she says quietly before looking back outside. “No Uncle John, I wanna meet him. And if I don’t do it now, when will I ever?”
She puts her head back against the window and John shakes his head as they move into Connecticut.
They won’t get to New Hampshire until about 8:30 at night, and while he’d prepared Elliot for his visit, he’s realizing now that he’s going to want to head back to the city not long after getting there. He and Isabelle hadn’t worked out the finer details, but he’d decided after hanging up with Elliot a couple days ago that he would leave Isabelle with her father, leaving Elliot to figure out just how he would get his daughter home and deal with the reckoning waiting for them.
For him as well; Olivia would be angry, rightfully so, for a couple days after finding out what John had helped facilitate.
But he decided that he would look for hotels once they’d cross into New Hampshire, making it so he wouldn’t have long to travel after dropping Isabelle off.
It’s quiet until they reach Massachusetts, where Isabelle asks for the bathroom and John pulls onto a rest stop off the interstate. While Isabelle goes to the bathroom, he pulls out his phone and calls Fin.
“And what do I have to thank for this pleasure?” Fin greets him.
John dryly chuckles and shakes his head. “I have important information, but I need you to keep it a secret until the time is right.”
Fin clicks his tongue before humming “Damn it John, what did you do now?”
“I’m taking Isabelle to Elliot. We’re in Massachusetts and Olivia thinks that she’s with her friend Hannah for the weekend.”
It’s silent for a moment as Fin plays over the words in his mind, disbelief settling in.
Fin briefly thinks about how he wishes he had the balls to meddle as much as John has in this moment, he also recognizes that he can’t confidently say he wouldn’t punch Elliot in front of Isabelle, which would be a whole other mess than the one they’re already in.
“She’s gonna kill you man,” Fin eventually says and John nods, crossing his arms.
“Oh I’m well aware of that fact. But Isabelle reached out to me with information and… well Fin, all I’ll say is that she knew enough and you and I both know damn well that once that girl gets something in her head, she’s gonna do it.
“And I wasn’t gonna let her travel all the way out to the middle of nowhere New Hampshire by herself, and that’s if she would’ve managed to find the correct address for him herself.” The silence hangs between them for a moment until Fin finally grunts in agreement, well aware of the stubborn streak Isabelle Benson possessed.
“Like her damn mother,” he thought.
“You need anything from me?” Fin eventually asks and John nods.
“When Liv inevitably finds out Isabelle’s not at Hannah’s, let her know that Isabelle’s safe and send her my way. I’ll take care of it from there.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing man,” Fin says quietly, his voice rough.
John watches as Isabelle makes her way out of the rest area and nods.
“I think I do. I’ll talk to you later,” he says before hanging up, watching as Isabelle slowly makes her way towards him.
Isabelle walks with her head hung and her arms wrapped around her, leaving John’s chest aching as he opens the passenger door for her. She settles into the front seat and curls into herself, staring out the window as John starts the car.
For all the bravado she’d shown in the days leading up to the trip, it’s all gone now. Isabelle remains curled into herself as John pulls back onto the interstate. It isn’t until they’re halfway through Massachusetts, the radio a low hum, that John hears Isabelle finally whisper, “What if he doesn’t like me?”
The hesitation in her voice makes him want to pull over and take her into his arms, regret for not having her mother here to help assuage, he’s sure, the many emotions she has rushing through her.
“Isabelle,” he starts gently and she shakes her head.
“The only thing mom has ever told me about my dad was that she loved him. That he’d given her me and that was all she could’ve wanted. But how do I know that he’ll love me?”
He hears the tears swelling in her throat and all it does is increase the urge to pull her into his arms, but the next exit isn’t for ten miles. Instead, he keeps trying to catch glances of her as he watches a tear slide down her cheek.
“Izzy,” he says gently and the use of her nickname has her glancing at him. “I know you don’t know your dad, but once this man finds out about you it’ll be like he’s known and loved you since the day you were born.”
She sniffles, a hand sneaking up to wipe away a tear as she shakes her head. “How would you know that? You can’t say that he’ll feel that way when he hasn’t known me for my whole life.”
John is quiet for a moment before smiling, reaching for Isabelle’s knee to give it a quick squeeze.
“Do you remember the picture you sent me? The one with all your siblings?” She only hums in response, but turns her head towards him. “I watched your father talk about your siblings for over a decade. And the love he had for those kids shone bright in what he did every day.”
He lets the words settle around her before continuing. “He may not know about you yet Isabelle, but the second he finds out about you he’s going to have a spot in his heart just for you.”
A smile flits across her face before she schools it back, concern still etched in her features. “Wasn’t four kids enough? I have four siblings in that picture.”
“Five,” John adds. “You have another older brother now. He’s only a few years older than you are now.”
John pauses as she processes that she has yet another sibling.
“I’m telling you kid, it doesn’t matter how many siblings you have, your dad’s going to love you just as much as he loves his other kids.”
After a moment, John chuckles. “And I have to be honest Isabelle, even if Elliot wasn’t your dad, the second he found out who your mom was he’d love you like you were his child anyway.”
Isabelle’s quiet for a few more moments thinking about the information John has just given her until suddenly she asks. “Can you tell me why my dad hasn’t been around?”
John sighs, thinking about how to tell Isabelle the truth without the gory details and he takes a deep breath.
“Well, I can't tell you the full story but something bad happened. Something scary and sad that forced your dad to make a tough decision. And it wasn’t that it was a bad decision, just a tough one and after that happened your dad had to focus on himself.”
Isabelle slowly unfolds herself out of the seat, dropping one of her legs into the floorboard of the passenger side of the car.
“Then how did he never know about me?” She asks him.
John sighed heavily, his shoulders sagging with the memories of a devastated Olivia, unknowingly pregnant with the child in front of him.
“Your mom tried to get in contact with him right up until the day you were born,” he starts softly. “And when she couldn’t get a hold of your dad, she knew she had to go at it alone. And that was fine with her, but she missed your dad nonetheless.
“After that your mom just did it all on her own. That’s all she’s ever known with you. Your Uncle Fin and I tried to get in contact with him too, but we didn’t get a hold of him until much later. Too late. We knew we couldn’t tell him about you without your mom’s permission and at that point we just never talked with her about it.”
Isabelle’s quiet for another long moment and John wonders if he’s satiated most of her questions as they cross into New Hampshire.
However, Isabelle eventually whispers, “How did my mom and dad meet? I know they were partners but for how long?”
“For thirteen years.”
Isabelle nods and starts to play with her hair. “When did they fall in love?”
John chuckles. “That you’ll have to ask your father.”
Isabelle accepts the answer, though he sees her eyebrows furrowed together out of the corner of his eye and she looks outside once more.
“Why doesn’t Aunt Alex like dad?” She blurs out a few minutes later.
John just laughs.
“So your Aunt Alex knew your mom and dad too. I’m sure she tried to do the same thing your Uncle Fin and I did.”
Isabelle nods and leans her head on her hand, watching the forest fly by them.
“Do you think my dad will come back to New York for me?” Softly escapes her and John has to wait a second to make sure he’d understood her.
“Honestly Isabelle, I can’t say for sure. From what I know, Elliot hasn’t been to New York in a couple of years.” He sets a hand on her leg and squeezes her knee. “Just remember, even if he doesn’t come back to stay, I know he’ll stay in touch.”
Isabelle’s eyes are wide as she turns towards him. “How would you-“
She stops herself when she remembers his words from earlier and sags back into the passenger seat as John turns on his signal to take the exit.
“I guess I’ll find out soon enough,” she murmurs to herself and John sighs as he starts glancing at the GPS.
They’re quiet for the rest of the drive to Elliot’s, Isabelle slowly getting more and more antsy the closer they get.
Her heart races as the road slowly becomes less and less cared for, the double lane highway now turning into an unmarked road.
Until finally, they pull into a dirt driveway, a rusted old mailbox at the end.
The cabin comes into view a couple seconds later, and Isabelle grabs tightly onto the seat, holding her breath as the porch light flicks on.