Chapter Text
Eliza sat behind the desk of her old, new office. She twirled the ring on her right ring finger, William’s words echoing so loudly in her head that it was as if he were there himself:
“If it is all worth it?”
This blasted question had plagued Eliza’s spare time and thoughts for months. She had no answer…she hated a question with no answer. Worse than that, she missed William with a dull ache that colored every interaction, every investigation, everything she set about to do.
She was writing him now, of course, and it helped, a little, with the missing. However, the sting of his departure still felt like such a betrayal. A betrayal on his part for going, and a betrayal of her own womanly heart and mind for allowing it to weigh on every area of her life.
In news that was not about William, she had put her name above her office door, a moment of honesty and pride. Funny enough, she felt no shame in the groveling and slight departure from the truth that had won back the landlord’s trust and agreement to allow her back in his building. She felt vindicated that while she hadn’t necessarily mastered the art of management at Nash and Sons, she had managed to keep her friend from committing calculated, cold-blooded murder and being hung.
Admittedly, her stint as Chief Investigator didn’t have a high case-closure rate. It did, however, undeniably save a life and Eliza was relieved to know that Patrick Nash was still her friend and ally on this earth, even if he was behind bars.
“At least he is not an ocean away” came a snarky inner monologue…always reminding Eliza that forgetting William’s absence was neither easily said nor done.
She let out a deep sigh, gave her head a slight shake, and determined to NOT think about William as she called upon a lead for a new case. Rising from her desk chair, she grabbed her valise, her hat and coat and let herself out of her office and down the stairs with an almost pep to her step.
The day was lovely for London weather and the bustle on the street gave Eliza comfort. “See, the world doesn’t stop just because HE is away.” She wanted to be her full self, not some shell of a person who felt like they were missing their other half. The problem was, she suspected on some level that she and William were just exactly that…two halves that were really at their best when together…and whole.
The move so far away was so drastic and sudden. William went from being in her home to being out of her country. Eliza did like new adventures and to some extent change…but life had certainly dealt her a series of extreme ones. At first, it had been easier for Eliza to just ignore the fact that William was even alive. “He is dead to me” she thought to herself as she woke up that first morning after he left.
But, her foolish heart wouldn’t let her stubborn mind convince her fully of that lie. Acknowledging with her letters the fact that he was indeed still out there in the world, and not really forever gone like her mother and father, coupled with the hope of his return someday in the future, really lifted the burden of doom from her shoulders. The disappointment was still festering below the surface, but Eliza felt she showed real maturity by picking up a pen and answering the man’s letters. He had written first, he clearly needed her voice in his life and she didn’t want anyone to say that she wasn’t a good friend to her good friend.
Therein lay part of the pesky problem. Was it possible that they were more than friends all along?
What had he said to her, that he “couldn’t be around her without being with her?” The statement sent shivers up her spine then, as it does now, even months later. She woke at night with the longing for his lips to be on hers again and had to start keeping a glass of red wine by her bed so that she could go to sleep again after the yearning dreams.
How dare he rob her of his important friendship in the name of love! It was absurd. They couldn’t be in love, he wants a fine lady to be his wife and cook his eggs. She is nothing more than an annoying sister to him…or so she tried to convince herself whenever things between them felt too grown up. She wasn’t ready to be a grown up, not in that area of her life. She already had to run a business and keep her household manageable, why should she also add to the list wifely duties? The very idea made her nervous. She hadn’t benefitted from seeing her parents’ loving relationship as a teenager…she knew little of what a day-to-day life with a man in her home would be.
BUT…when he had stayed with them…and sat with her and laughed with her and looked at her…she started to get an idea of just exactly how it felt to have someone around that enjoyed your company. That waited for you because they cared and responded when your hands brushed or touch.
And then…he was gone.
Eliza had been so deep in thought on this subject that she walked a block past the bank she was heading to and had to make an abrupt turnabout in her tracks. As she did, she ran right into a man who, until a moment ago, had been walking just as quickly as she was, just a few steps behind.
“umph!” They both grimaced upon impact and quickly stepped apart to avoid the awkward contact.
“Pardon me” Eliza stammered, her cheeks turning rosy at her obvious misstep.
“Not at all” came the gentleman’s kind reply. He cleaned his throat and tried, too, to seem non-bothered.
Eliza looked up and almost gasped aloud as she took in the striking man with a mustache who stood before her. “I have got to stop thinking about William” the thought raced quickly to her mind, “as I have convinced myself that this could be his twin!”