Chapter Text
'Maybe love was never meant for me. Maybe love was never meant to hold someone so ill-fitted like me.'
The days were quite chilly given the winter had extended far enough into February this year. Snow covered most of the surface outside, making it an icy paradise with one of the best temperatures to enjoy nature despite the cold. Every store in the city had themes covering hearts and pink's and reds to signify the oh-so special day. With banners of 'upto 60% off' on the flyers, companies were going all out to wring it up. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood as the upcoming week led to one of the deemed important days for many people. The air sparkled with the prospect of something akin to love and warmth, but it could be easily associated with the shimmers of refraction from the suspended snow crystals and water droplets.
And in one corner of the city was a boy, well into his 20's, quietly brooding over the lack of dark chocolate in his refrigerator for his special triple chocolate cake.
"Fuck this. I don't want to go out."
The boy groaned loudly, thumping his head against the side of the fridge.
*Ring* *Ring* *Ring* *Ri-*
"Hello."
Jungkook spoke into the phone, still staring at the fridge.
"JK~ G'morning!"
A soothing deep voice could be heard from there other end.
"It's 1 in the afternoon."
Jungkook said, unimpressed by the enthusiasm from his best friend.
"Yeah, but I woke up late. Jimin wanted to watch a movie yesterday night, which turned to three movies lasting till 4 in the night."
Taehyung spoke, explaining the reason in a tone too cheerful.
And for some reason, Jungkook felt the bitterness of the other's words slide down his throat in a honey slow manner. Too slow. Too hard to swallow. And at the back of his mind, he knew the reason all too well. Every single time, he saw a romantic couple on the television, a cute act of cats nuzzling each other, a sweet cuddling moment between his two best friends who were most likely not just best friends, but rather more, he was reminded of his flaws too deeply.
One that he couldn't change in this lifetime.
One that he wasn't ready to face today.
"Cool."
Jungkook muttered, seating himself on the second-hand brown couch he had bought last year.
"Why the off-putting tone?"
Jimin's usually soft voice had a hardness that had Jungkook gulping in guilt, knowing very well that his answers sounded like a sulky child throwing tantrum for toy cars.
"No dark chocolate in my home."
Jungkook pouted, melting into the couch.
"Oh baby, we were thinking of coming to yours anyways, so we'll just buy the chocolate. Alright?"
Jimin said in his comforting voice that wrapped around Jungkook like second skin.
"Kay. I'll see you guys soon."
Jungkook spoke into the phone, definitely in a better mood than before.
Keeping the phone aside, he went through the list of duties he had to complete today. Checking each of them in his mind, he was left with nothing much except the chocolate cake preparation for his own comfort and the drying of his laundry which was yet to be done. Zoning out while staring into the oblivion, Jungkook tried to reassess his own situation. His mind seemed to have gears of its own as it would always try to retreat into that distressed, chaotic mindset of seeking himself out. Always at work and never at rest, his thoughts overlapped and jumbled enough to hurt his eyes. And for reasons unknown, that felt more normal than being just like everyone else. His questions always circled back to the lacks in himself.
Be it the lack of cheer during the end of winters or the lack of motivation to complete tasks or the lack of self control as he binged on the extra cookie or the lack of response in class despite knowing the answer or the lack of energy to brush his teeth at night or the lack of enthusiasm to be in a fulfilling relationship or the lack of being comfortable to express his love to others.
The lack of just being enough.
"Jungkook-ah?"
A voice distantly spoke to him, as he was lost in his head with thoughts that swirled like the whirlpool in an ocean.
"Hey, you okay?"
Another voice spoke again and at that point Jungkook could match the voice with a face he had grown up loving.
Park Jimin.
His concerned eyes that were beautifully matched with light red eyeshadow looked directly into Jungkook's brown eyes. The plump glossy lips seemed to be moving and he couldn't quite hear him which in turn only made the youngest more annoyed. There were two large bony hands that cupped his face delicately and the structure of it gave away before anything. He had gone through all of his college holding the same hands each day.
Kim Taehyung.
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm good. When did you guys come in?"
Jungkook asked, blinking his eyes to focus on the two of his best friends who kneeled on the carpet in front of him.
"Just a minute ago. You didn't notice us coming in?"
Taehyung asked, assessing Jungkook's emotions.
"Oh. I didn't I guess. Anyways, why did you wanna come here?"
Jungkook asked, which came a lot more defensive and annoyed than he intended for it to be.
"Of course, to meet you silly."
Jimin enthusiastically said, squishing the younger's barely flush cheeks.
"Well, arguably so. But did you get my dark chocolate?"
Jungkook muttered with a laugh, prompting Taehyung to break into a wide smile while, getting the big cloth bag with items of their purchase.
"Oh! we did buy it..."
Jimin answered, cringing slightly as Jungkook searched the said bag for three packs of dark chocolate that he had asked for.
"And other stuff too."
Taehyung completed the other's sentence, watching at the tatted up hand reaching inside to get out a pack of cherries, milk chocolates in the shape of tiny bears, strawberries, a bunch of bananas, ready to heat pizzas, pack of six chilled beer, and a whole lot of ramen.
"Why is there beer and ramen here?"
Jungkook asked, seemingly unfazed by the fresh fruits.
"Staying the night here!"
Jimin said, scrunching his nose in joy.
"Don't you have shopping spree evening today like every second Saturday of the month?"
Jungkook commented, inquisitive and soft.
"We're kind of tired with how late we slept, so decided to just snuggle in. Moreover, this should count as one."
Taehyung said, pointing to the items presented proudly on Jungkook's dining table.
"Alright! Make yourselves comfortable. I'll get you some tea."
The youngest said, waving them away as he went into the kitchen.
"Thanks gukkie!"
The duo replied in union.
Despite wanting to talk more with Jungkook about the movies they had watched and the new plants they had purchased, Jimin pulled Taehyung back to the living room. It wasn't really awkward per se, but a tension of sorts seemed to be brewing in with Jungkook lost in thoughts. Jimin was no better as the worry lines were accentuated under the dim lighting of the living room with the curtains drawn in.
"You think he's okay? I mean he didn't realise we came home! What if it was someone else who broke in instead of us? Is he going through something? Are we being bad friends?"
Jimin whispered frantically, upon seeing that Jungkook was out of their earshot.
"Min. Stop. Firstly, we need to talk to him about safety. And no, no one is going to break in. Let's hope on that. Thirdly, I'm not too sure, but it does feel like he's not too comfortable with us at times. We'll give him time though. As for the last one, we're doing our best. And, we're totally pulling him in the middle of our cuddle sandwich."
Taehyung calmly explained, rubbing his friend's back soothingly.
Jimin nodded, grasping in everything that was told. He peeked his eyes over Taehyung's shoulders to see if Jungkook was there, in a reassuring way. As if to check that the doe-eyed boy was still within their reach.
"Reminded of cuddles, did you know that Nayeon finally asked Jeongyeon out?"
Jimin switched up quickly, brightening in the light of the new topic.
"Oh my gosh. Finally. Everytime i meet her, she's whining about how she doesn't have a partner while fawning over her crush's soft skin."
Taehyung joined in, getting enthusiastic about his chemistry lab partner turned ride or die friend.
"Valentine's day is just around the corner, so of course people are getting the courage to get together."
Jimin chuckled, easing from the mildly disturbed state of mind.
"Okay, that was a badly shaped sentence for some reason."
Taehyung remarked with a scrunched face.
"Ugh, I'm not giving my tenth grade English exam here, so relax."
Jimin sourly replied, moving towards the brown couch where they had found Jungkook in deep thought.
"Meh, anyone on your mind?"
Taehyung asked, as his eyes lingered on the magazines that were placed on the tea table.
(Jimin had argued it was a coffee table because that's what it is called by everyone else and the listing on the website has the same description. But Taehyung had retorted with the fact he didn't like coffees so it must be a tea table. As for Jungkook, he was torn between the options given this, opting for the secret third option of a low rise glass table.)
"Nope. Not stepping into hot water again. I barely got out of one fiasco."
Jimin answered swiftly with a sharp tongue.
"Here! Whatcha guys talking about?"
Jungkook asked, as he placed the three cups of hot, piping tea on the distinguished table that had brought strong opinions on its naming.
"Just crushes and relationships!"
Taehyung said, placing himself on the floor with the porcelain cup filled with swirling aromatic tea in shades of brown.
"You got a special someone or someone you wish to have a date with?"
Jimin asked in a casual tone while sipping on the tea carefully.
"No. I haven't had a crush in a long time"
Jungkook quietly murmured, seemingly fixated on the cup that had wonderfully painted gardenesque portraits around it.
"Ohh. You haven't really open up regarding your partners or relationships, now that I think about it. Which by the way I totally respect!"
Taehyung said, backtracking to add the last sentence which he genuinely meant. He knew Jungkook tended to be a bit more timid and private yet so adorably part of their friendship that enriched each of their souls.
"It isn't like that. I just...have not had one."
Jungkook breathed out, looking up from his own cup to catch their stares intended to him.
"Aka, no date? No partner? Nothing?"
Jimin quietly asked, a little wide eyed and curious.
"Basically yeah."
Jungkook shrugged, wacking his memories to find if he had never opened up to them for they seemed to be genuinely shock for the lack of his romantic relationships.
Maybe he was too part of the background for them to notice how he would always remain quiet whenever they talked of their partners. Maybe he wasn't as noticeable to their eye with his quiet demeanour. Maybe he wasn't as receptive for them to gently enquire him. Maybe they thought he tried to keep his unknown relationship hidden. But that would be silly because he had told them all his secrets including the biggest one, being his irrational fear of swallowing gum by accident and the urge of his brain to keep a count the steps taken on a staircase, despite the fact his attention could be needed elsewhere, like for example in a conversation with his boss.
The baseline being, he had been quite open about his life. Atleast as much as he could. For he didn't have much to expand on. And that must have given the impression he was being secretive about it, when he just didn't have anything to say on that topic.
In short, he was lone wolfing it.
"Well, that's a shame. Anyways, how's your cake coming along?"
Taehyung asked, changing the conversation into something that Jungkook found comfort in.
"Oh, just melting more chocolate to make it taste yum."
Jungkook said, smiling with his front bunny teeth peeking out.
"Can't wait to taste it."
Jimin added, already imaging the dark luscious brown cake melting in his mouth.
"I better get back to it. You can switch on the TV."
Jungkook said, walking away to the kitchen.
He wasn't anxious on the reveal or disappointed that they didn't seem to know of his personal life despite being best friends. He was just blank on this, letting the wind carry him in the direction set. All he knew was that him getting a person was unlikely at best, even if he did they would have to understand where he came from. If that wasn't fulfilled, then it was futile in all ways presented to the prospect of it. No convincing of a real partner or a nice time would take him off his choice and they would just have to respect it. All this in view, he only longed for emotional connection to come by and that was pretty fulfilled at the moment in the company of his best friends.
And right now, his mind was worried if there chocolate mixture had become lumpy by mistake as the butter wasn't exactly room temperature.
"Taehyung-ah. No, we can't do that."
Back in the living room, Jimin seemed to be at cross roads with Taehyung's bizzare idea of setting Jungkook up with someone they knew. Jimin wasn't sure if it was really a good idea, given how Jungkook didn't seem keen on randomly picking a date. And knowing Jungkook, it might even be stressful to just go out of the boundaries of his comfort. There was no way the youngest would agree to it and he didn't want to peer pressurize him into doing it either.
"Well, I just wanted to cheer Jungkookie up!"
Taehyung exasperated, leaning back on the couch.
"What if...we take him out?"
Jimin asked slowly, as the idea dawned on him.
"You mean, friend dates?"
Taehyung questioned, getting up from his position quickly.
"Duh."
Jimin stated as if it was obvious.
"But, minnie you just got out of a relationship..."
Taehyung reminded in a painful tone.
Yeah, Jimin had recently been in one with a guy, his first relationship with a man after realising he was bisexual. It was about eight months long of romantic loving, gift buying, cute date planning and monthly anniversaries. But Jimin knew he was pushing it with someone who would never match with him for a longer time. And of course, the unveiling of his partner's narcissistic tendencies helped him make the decision of leaving without turning back. A 60 word test message and dropping off the things he had owned of the other through a delivery app, Jimin had broken it off. Since then, Taehyung coddled him extra, breaking the boundaries he had set after Jimin got into a relationship. It wouldn't be great to find your boyfriend being attached to the hip with his best friend, right?
As for Jungkook, he had done his bit quietly by sending memes to cheer Jimin up. He had also bought soju and snacks on Saturdays in an attempt to both reconnect and drink their way through it.
"It's been over a month. I'm not hung up on them. Moreover what better way to spend valentine's day if not with my best friends. We unknowingly, go on them, let's just make these ones catered to Jungkook."
Jimin suggested, looking at Taehyung in the eye with a very convincing tone.
"There's some frosting left if you guys want. What are guys upto?"
Jungkook asked, wiping his hands on the kitchen cloth.
"Planning on a week of best friend dates!"
Taehyung said, glancing at Jungkook's pinched face with a hint of worry.
"Sweet. Where are you guys going?"
Jungkook carried on, as his neck found respite under his own fingers that dug into the skin to relieve the pain.
It seemed like his sleeping on one side had effects including acute pain across the expanse of his upper back and mainly, the neck.
"Ahem. You are coming with us"
Jimin announced cheerfully, pulling Jungkook to sit on the bean bag beside the couch.
"Hmm?"
Jungkook made a sound of curious questioning.
"Well, didn't you hear us? It's best friends date!"
Taehyung said softly.
"Got it."
Jungkook answered, still unsure as to when they had decided on him being part of their elaborate plans.
"Why do you look unconvinced?"
Jimin asked, pouting slightly with furrowed eyes.
"Nothing. Yeah, nothing."
Jungkook quipped hastily.
This was uncharted territory for him.
Yeah, he used to go out with friends. But something felt different this time. Maybe it was their wording of having a 'best friends date' or the fact that they had taken pity on his lack of experience in the field of love that they took the initiative to arrange for one. Maybe it was how despite everything, his mind seemed to think that he was intruding his own best friends. Sure, Jimin and Taehyung were too close, calling themselves soulmates at any given moment, too entangled (especially after the big break-up) to be known as a single entity. It was obvious in everything they did, but it didn't really bother Jungkook in any sense. He was happy being the quiet friend, one who could easily melt into the background without taking away the attention, one who could be comfortable in the presence of others. Jungkook was happy as he was.
Moreover Jimin and Taehyung usually pulled him into their shenanigans most days. It wasn't like he was unloved. He had enough in whatever he seemed worthy of himself. Jungkook was sure of the love he held. Sometimes it fell short of his expectations, but on most times, it filled right to the brim of his bottomless pit. Yet, as the other two suggested it, he didn't think too much before giving in to the faux experience of having a hand to hold without a reason.
Something that he had wished for, in the darkest nights and into the wispy winds.
Jungkook was a walking contradiction at this point. He despised not having control over his autonomy, but found himself heeding to orders as it made him routine easier. He disliked the fact that he couldn't blend in well when others had conversations around seemingly harmless things, but liked the way he could just be a listener in a group where the expectations of him to speak were a null. He hated the sexual part of a relationship with all its glory on display, but yearned for the gentle touch of a warm person.
It was so difficult to come to terms with this. He did have crushes, it were small and fleeting. There was no big criteria for it, just the fact that the other person was nice to him once. Maybe it was just basic human courtesy, but his mind was set on liking the person. Like holding the door open or pouring extra alcohol into his glass of covering his body with a blanket when he was asleep. But he never pursued it for it was never to lead anywhere. Not when he was a sex-repulsed asexual through and through. That also didn't mean he wasn't a hopeless romantic at heart. He loved more than his heart could give. He wasn't sure of himself on this vast field, still figuring out his chances at no strings attached kind of love.
Balancing the kind of love he wanted and the kind of expectations his possible partners had on him was undoubtedly hard. Thus, he had stayed within his safety zone, hoping his heart wouldn't attach itself like a leech for affection. He would rather deal with the empty, cold loneliness than being judged for his preferences and eventually get heartbroken. But maybe, this idea by his best friends would get him out of the 'Valentine's day blues' as Taehyung liked to call it.
Maybe this would turn out good.
Maybr this would satiate the soul that craved for normalcy.
"Let's just enjoy the movie for now?"
Jungkook asked, pointing to the remote that he was fiddling absent mindedly in hands.
"Sure, bubba!"
Jimin laughed with his eyes crinkled, and moved up to get to the television switch.
"Turn your back this side."
Taehyung quietly murmured, as Jungkook sat wondering how peaceful his mind seemed to be.
Every ruminating thought seemed to have switched off inside his head, as the decision to let himself loose in the care of his best friends. It was calming to just follow their plans for it mostly lead to fun memories to look back to. It felt lighter to not be burdened by the incessant questioning his mind came up with regarding the lack of partner during this joyous time when every single part of the city had something to offer in its name of love. He wasn't burdened by the bright colours he would eventually come across on the streets, as now he had plans with his best friends. This might just be the first time this holiday would hold non-resenting, happy emotions in his books.
"Do you want to remove your shirt? Or shall I just apply it like this?"
Taehyung gently prodded, as Jungkook jerked away from the older boy's long fingers.
"Wha—?"
Jungkook asked, feeling conscious all of a sudden.
"Just pain relief balm."
Taehyung smiled, pulling the other in the right position to apply some of it on the exposed neck region of his black tee.
"That feels so good. Thank you, hyung."
Jungkook said, relieved noises making a show as Taehyung pressed the knots on his shoulder blades with the shirt still in place.
"I'll get some blankets, let's cozy up."
Jimin mumbled, knowing Jungkook's home like his own to search for the pillows and blankets.
"Is there anything to keep in the fridge?"
Jimin asked, coming from the other's bedroom with a heap load of fluffy pillows and checkered pastel quilts.
"Nope. Cake is already in, ready to harden a little."
Jungkook said, unknowingly sinking in between the two of them who laid beside him to switch on the movie.
It was hallmark classic movie with the valentine's day theme up front and miscommunication trope as usual. Something light-hearted at best with a big of bad plotting devices at play. Jimin slung his arms across Jungkook's stomach to reach Taehyung's hands. Midway in the movie, light snoring was brought to his attention. Smiling softly, he brushed Jungkook's hair to the back and kissed the other's forehead.
Kisses like these weren't exclusively romantic. Just soft, gentle and reassuring for people like Jimin and Taehyung who thrived heavily on physical touch. Jungkook did too, maybe even more than them but he wasn't outwardly needy for that.
"Sleep well, gukk-ah!"
Taehyung murmured too, yawning half way through to squiggle into the crook of the youngest's shoulder.
Jimin giggled at the sleepiness that drowned his best friends and reached out to switch off the television to join along in their nap.
He was sure to make it as special as it could get for the three of them. All of them deserved the best even if it were small pleasures like walking in the streets holding hands and basking in the soft sunlight as the clouds dispersed. He was grateful for both of their presence in his life that pushed him through the worst of college days to this current point where his safe place was always in their arms. And Jimin would do anything in his power, to make it known to them that they were more than everything he had asked for.
Best friends for life, amiright?