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✨
✨
✨
Jimin was grainy the first time Jungkook saw him, just a few pixels on a screen waving hello with the sort of tight-lipped smile that Jungkook will come to learn sprouts itself on Jimin’s face whenever he’s uncomfortable.
Jungkook learns a lot about Jimin after that, though not straight from the source because the source is thousands of miles away.
Until it’s not.
The first time he meets Jimin is in his dorm’s common area. It’s the first day of a new semester and Jungkook’s friend group is buzzing with excitement, because Jimin is back from London! And truth is, Jungkook is excited too.
He knows Jimin, even met him a few more times via video call, remembers the way Jimin smiled at him all friendly, stating how excited he was to meet him in person, how excited he was to come home.
Perhaps that last comment should have been his clue, but he was too excited. And the cloud in his mind only grew when he finally did lay eyes on him.
When Jimin smiled, his eyes reflected the light.
And Jungkook was gone, just like that.
✨
“What was it like abroad?” Jungkook asks, swirling his drink back and forth.
They’re at a house party just off campus, a sort of celebration for the semester to come. Right now, Jungkook has the privilege of Jimin’s attention. It’s their first one on one without a screen, and he’s not about to let it go to waste.
“Oh, lots of fun! Definitely a different experience,” Jimin says.
“How so?”
“Hm… Everyone speaks English.”
Jungkook laughs because Jimin smiles like he’s said something funny. “Right. That must’ve been hard.”
“Nah, it was okay. I got a lot better at it out there.”
“Say something now,” Jungkook says, curious.
Jimin’s smile falters. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. Anything? Translate what I say. How about… I like you.” Jungkook must be a little drunk because he’s definitely being too forward. He thinks he sees the moment Jimin thinks so too, his eyes shifting to the side. “Or something else! Sorry, I just meant— To translate. Not because—”
Jimin takes a step back, and Jungkook thinks he really blew it with him, until someone else enters their space and Jungkook realises the odd behaviour is to do with the stranger. Jungkook remembers him from last semester. He’s this guy named Doyun, taller than him, though lankier. He has this perm that goes almost to his shoulders.
And when Jimin sees him, his eyes harden.
“Jiminie, I thought it was you,” Doyun says, wearing this smile that might be charming if Jungkook wasn’t seeing the way it makes Jimin flinch.
“What do you want?” Jimin asks.
“I just came to say hi.” Doyun’s eyes rake up and down Jimin’s figure. “You look good, babe.”
Jimin scoffs audibly, loud even over the music playing through some speakers. “Don’t call me that.”
“Sorry! Sorry.” Doyun laughs, not sounding sorry at all. “Force of habit. How have you been?”
“Fine.” The terse answer says it all, yet Doyun doesn’t take the hint. He goes on to pester Jimin some more, drawing closer, even reaching out to rub Jimin’s shoulder. Jimin goes tense, body turning away, which at least causes Doyun to snatch his hand back sheepishly.
Jungkook tries not to watch the exchange, letting someone he doesn’t really know sweep him into their conversation, but he keeps an eye out for Jimin, watching for signs that he wants someone to step in.
It comes relatively soon. He hears Jimin snap the words, “I’d really rather you leave me alone,” to which Doyun makes some quip about Jimin being dramatic, and Jungkook steps in. He shields Jimin with a shoulder, saying to Doyun, “I think you should leave.”
The guy looks at him in disbelief. “Who the hell are you?”
“You’re making him uncomfortable,” Jungkook says. “Go. Get out of here.”
Doyun looks from Jungkook to Jimin, then rolls his eyes and steps away. Jungkook hears him mutter, “What a bunch of losers.”
Jungkook turns around, about to ask Jimin if he’s okay when suddenly a hand slips around his neck. A second later, Jimin’s lips are on his. He doesn’t kiss deep but he kisses hard, presses their lips together so they’re squished. It sends Jungkook’s heart into a frenzy.
Is Jimin really…
Are they really…
Jimin pulls back, and Jungkook is so shocked, he can’t say anything. But it turns out Jimin isn’t even paying attention to him. His eyes are over Jungkook’s shoulder, watching with a narrowed glare. Jungkook turns to find Doyun watching them with a scowl.
Oh.
That was just—
Oh.
Jungkook’s heart whittles, his earlier shock and excitement shattering.
“That guy is such a prick,” Jimin says. He gives Jungkook an apologetic smile. “Sorry about him. Don’t think he’ll bother us anymore though.”
He pats Jungkook’s shoulder a little awkwardly, then slips away to the drinks table. Jungkook doesn’t see him again that night.
✨
Before Jungkook transferred universities, his brother used to tell him he had dead eyes, as in, he looked dead inside, as in, he looked so unhappy, it was a wonder he could put on a false smile whenever his parents asked how he was doing, as in, he looked absolutely ghastly and when was the last time he showered and—
“Alright, alright, I get it, hyung.”
It took him months to convince himself he needed a change, and more months still to do what he needed to do to attain it. Moving to Seoul is the best thing he’s done for himself, and though he left his dad’s alma mater to do it, he doesn’t regret the decision one bit.
But the dead eyes thing—it sticks with him. He never wants to reach that place again.
It’s why, the next time he sees Jimin, he tells him no hard feelings about what happened that night. Maybe they can move on from it and towards being actual friends. After all—
“I heard so much about you while you were gone. I really couldn’t wait to get to know you,” Jungkook explains. It’s just the two of them. Jungkook ran into Jimin right outside the cafeteria and asked to speak.
“Believe me, I heard a lot about you too,” Jimin says with a smile. “Thanks for understanding about the other night. I hope I didn’t ambush you.”
“Only a little,” Jungkook chuckles, “but it’s fine. Let’s just put it behind us.”
“‘Kay.”
“Okay.” Jungkook jabs a thumb at the cafeteria door. “Are you gonna join for lunch? That’s where you were headed, right?”
Jimin blinks rapidly a few times. “Oh, right, no. I’ve got some work to finish for class. I didn’t even mean to come here. Library’s the other way.” He knocks his head with a knuckle, and Jungkook feels incredibly endeared. “Being abroad really messed with my sense of direction.”
“I get it. When I first got here, Tae or Hobi had to practically hold my hand everywhere if I wanted to get to where I was going.”
“They’re nice like that,” Jimin says.
“Yeah.” Jungkook wants to keep talking. Being in Jimin’s presence is like being bathed in radiant light. He wants to keep basking in it. But he tames the feeling. Jimin has only been back a week. They’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other.
And maybe, one day, Jungkook will know what it’s like to really kiss him.
✨
The first few weeks of the semester are harder than Jungkook anticipated, and aside from a few substantial hang outs with his friends, he doesn’t have much of a social life—and thus doesn’t spend that much time with Jimin. It’s not until the second month of the semester that Seokjin puts his foot down.
“We’re all going out this weekend. I don’t care if you have a lot of course work. I won’t take no for an answer.”
That’s how Jungkook finds himself squeezed in the backseat of a cab between Jimin and Taehyung, Hoseok in the front seat. It’s a direct result of Taehyung’s meddling with the seating arrangement, since he knows all about Jungkook’s crush.
Jungkook doesn’t try to take advantage as much as just… talk to Jimin. And somehow, Jimin’s receptive to it, his smile reflecting the street lights streaming in through the car window. He looks beautiful all the time, but especially so when he’s smiling.
“You know you have a really nice smile,” Jungkook notes out loud, which wasn’t his intention but he’s loose and unfiltered right now, and he can’t take it back.
“I do not,” Jimin says, but he’s smiling, eyes all scrunched up.
Jungkook turns to Taehyung and Hoseok, flabbergasted. And though the two are talking with each other, Jungkook still interrupts, “Tell Jimin he has a great smile!”
Taehyung snorts, but Jungkook thinks that’s more for him than Jimin. “I’ve been saying this for ages.”
“Jimin has the prettiest smile in the world,” Hoseok agrees vehemently.
Jungkook turns to Jimin pointedly. “See?”
“Okay, okay,” Jimin says, waving the words away shyly. “I’ll believe that you all think I have a nice smile. I’ll keep my own beliefs about it to myself.”
There’s something about the way Jimin says that, like maybe there’s more to it than the words on the surface, but for the life of Jungkook, he can’t put his finger on it. He’s a few drinks in and it’s messing with his ability to think. He ends up taking too long to inquire about it, and the moment passes when they arrive.
The club Seokjin chose is a couple of stories tall with a wide dance floor on the first floor. Though it’s crowded, Yoongi called ahead and got them a table, so this is where he, Namjoon and Seokjin head. The rest of them decide to get drinks for everyone, except for Jimin, who excused himself to go to the bathroom. He’s gone before anyone can say anything. Jungkook shares a look with Taehyung, a second before saying, “I have to go too.”
Taehyung shoots Jungkook a smile and a thumbs up. “Good luck.”
It’s not like Jungkook is looking to get lucky tonight. Of course it’s crossed his mind. It crossed his mind when he first saw Jimin on that small screen, greeting him with that smile Jungkook so loves. It crossed his mind again when Jimin kissed him for the first time, and left Jungkook with dreams about what it might be like to do that again.
But he doesn’t want to cross any lines. He doesn’t want to ruin things when things have barely begun. He’ll get to know Jimin first. That’s what they’ve promised each other, after all.
It’s not Jimin who Jungkook runs into in the bathroom. In fact, all the stalls are empty and there’s only one person in there, fixing his hair in the mirror. Jungkook freezes, recognising the tall man instantly. Doyun senses him there, turning towards him. He sneers when he sees him.
“It’s you again,” he says.
Jungkook hates that tone. He hates everything about him. “Are you stalking Jimin?”
Doyun barks out a laugh. “Are you kidding me? I was here hours before you got here. Besides, I’m over him again. I don’t want to be with someone who snogs the first guy he sees whenever I’m around to make me jealous. I don’t like him that much.”
“What?”
“What? You think I don’t know?” Doyun looks Jungkook up and down. “You’re not special, you know. The second Jimin saw me tonight, he went out on the dance floor to dance with a stranger. He did the same with you, didn’t he? How did that make you feel?”
Jungkook really wants to hit the guy, which is crazy because he’s never been prone to violence. But Doyun speaks about Jimin like he knows him, and it just makes him— so angry.
“Shut the fuck up,” Jungkook says.
Doyun leans in. “Or what? Are you going to tell on me? He’s just outside, you know. You can see for yourself.”
Jungkook’s breaths grow short, and he knows he should just take a minute to calm himself. But Doyun is in his face and he can’t stay in here a second longer. So Jungkook leaves, eyes gravitating to the dance floor. For months, he heard how great a dancer Jimin was, that he was a force to be reckoned with on a dance floor.
And Jungkook can’t help but agree as he watches Jimin with a stranger’s hands all over him. It knocks the breath from him, not just to see him with someone else, but because Doyun’s words ring true.
As if to taunt him, Doyun appears beside him and says, “See? I told you.”
Fury sizzles beneath Jungkook’s skin. His heartbreak is one thing; Doyun’s attitude is another entirely, and Jungkook can’t stand it. His hand comes out before he can stop it, flattening on Doyun’s chest to shove him. It’s hard enough that Doyun stumbles back, and he must be drunk because he trips over his own feet, landing on his back.
Jungkook would have left it alone after that, but suddenly a hand is clamping down around his wrist. A look of satisfaction comes over Doyun’s face. Jungkook recognises that the guy holding him is one of the club’s bouncers.
“You’re going to have to leave,” he tells him.
He’s not mean about it at all, but Jungkook can feel tears spring to his eyes. It’s like his first year at university all over again; he never found a place to fit in, constantly felt like an outsider, like people didn’t like him, and professors didn’t understand his ideas. It was supposed to be better here, but this… this is like that all over again.
Jungkook snatches his wrist back, not bothering to stay and argue. He needs to get out of here, get some fresh air, get back to his room and his bed and pretend this night never happened.
He makes it out in one piece, but he feels fragile, like the simplest nudge might break him. He’s got to get a grip, but all he can do is replay the last few minutes. He thinks he can taste bile.
“Hey, Jungkook? Jungkook!”
Jungkook keeps walking because he’s sure he’s imagining the voice. But then footsteps catch up to him, and it really is Jimin standing there.
“What happened back there? Did they make you leave?”
How can Jungkook say he shoved Jimin’s ex boyfriend and that’s why he’s out here right now, all alone? How could he tell Jimin that?
“I saw… I saw you with Doyun,” Jimin says, voice a little hesitant.
“You saw?”
“Saw all of it.”
Oh. Then it doesn’t matter. Jungkook didn’t have to say it, but he can explain, right? He should explain. “He was just saying all these things about you, Jimin. He wanted me to believe you’re this terrible person so I just— he made me so angry and—”
“What did he say?”
Jungkook tries to recall all the vile words. “That you’re doing all this to make him jealous.”
Jimin scowls, mumbling, “That manipulative piece of shit.”
“He’s wrong about you,” Jungkook says, because he wants to believe that. He knows Jimin, knows he’s a great guy, who wouldn’t use other people, that the other day when Jimin kissed him, it was to protect himself, not make his ex jealous.
Right? He has to believe that.
Doyun’s words can’t be true.
“Yeah?” Jimin asks, voice taut. “You think?”
“I know. I know you.”
Something stricken comes over Jimin’s face. He chuckles, taking a step back. “You should get home, Jungkook. I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink.”
Jungkook pouts, unsure why Jimin is making him go. “I mean it. You’re not like that. What happened with us was just… You did it to keep him away. I get it. I get all of it.”
“Do you now.”
It sounds like Jimin doesn’t believe him, like he’s creating this rift between them, and he wants to say that it’s unnecessary. Jungkook is on his side. “I do. I swear.”
Jimin sighs softly through his nose, shifting his weight from one foot to another. “Look, I don’t want to argue. Let me get you a cab back?”
“There’s nothing to argue about. I’m saying I get you.”
“And I don’t think you do, Jungkook.”
There’s a cold snap to the words that has Jungkook blinking in confusion. Jimin ignores it.
“Let me help you get a cab.”
“Why don’t you come too?” Jungkook asks, because maybe Jimin’s right and he doesn’t know him. “If Doyun is there, why would you stay?”
“Doyun doesn’t control me. He can’t control me anymore so just…” Jimin shakes himself and raises a hand to hail a cab. “I don’t want to get into it, okay? Just go home. I’ll let the others know what happened.”
Jungkook can’t believe he’s being sent to go home right now for shoving Doyun. How did the guy fall anyway? It wasn’t that hard a shove. It’s not fair. Jungkook still has so many things he wants to say to Jimin. Things that only occur to him after Jimin rattles their dorm’s address and shuts the door.
Things like, You can cry on my shoulder.
And, He didn’t deserve you.
And, I can treat you right.
I deserve you.
Don’t you think so too?
It’s only when he’s falling asleep later that it hits him he’s no better than that other guy, trying to claim what isn’t his.
✨
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says the next day to Jimin.
Jimin’s eyes catch the light and he offers Jungkook a tight-lipped smile and Jungkook figures all is forgiven. They’re on the road to becoming better friends, because friends have to fight to strengthen their bonds… right?
Right.
So things should get better—but they only get worse.
✨
The first crack starts with Hoseok. It’s surprising to Jungkook because he always thought he and Jimin were the closest of friends. Not that Jimin isn’t close to everyone, but he and Hoseok have a special bond. They dance together. They wingman each other on nights out. They do everything together.
And then Jungkook catches them arguing in the hallway of their dorm. He’s on the way out and has to pass Jimin’s room on the way, and it’s there that he sees it, Hoseok in the hallway and Jimin swaying at the door, hands clutched tight around the doorframe as if it’s the only thing holding him up.
“Two practices, Jimin. Two. And I let it slide because I thought you were sick, but you’ve just been drinking?”
“Oh, come on, Hobi, as if you’ve never shown up to practice drunk! I know all your dirty little secrets.”
“That was one time, and I put in the extra time. You haven’t been showing up at all. And you lied to me on top of it! What the hell is going on?”
“Nothing!” Jimin lets out a sharp breath. “Why do you suddenly care anyway? S’not like you cared at all before.”
Hoseok pauses, then asks carefully, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“If you don’t know, then I can’t help you.”
“Jimin—”
“If you want the truth, then fine. I’m quitting the team. Pretty sure you can find someone to replace me pretty quick.”
Jimin slams the door in Hoseok’s face. Jungkook isn’t really sure what he just witnessed, but he doesn’t hesitate to stride forward when Hoseok sighs heavily, looking like he wants nothing but to get that door open again.
“Hey,” Jungkook says.
Hoseok’s eyes are a little wet when he looks up. He wipes at them. “Hi, sorry. Just had a little… fight with Jimin.”
“I heard.”
“I think the whole hallway heard. God.” Hoseok stares at the closed door. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him. He’s been different ever since he got back.”
“Really?” Jungkook asks, and maybe he just hasn’t been paying attention, or has wanted Jimin to be so much like the guy he built up in his head, he made excuses for him for everything.
“Just… snappy, distant, cold. It’s like we did something to him but I have no idea what. And it’s not just with me. It’s with everyone.”
And it really is, Jungkook will soon find. With the rest of them too—Yoongi, Namjoon, Seokjin, Taehyung—there are cracks, and as the semester wears on, they only get bigger.
✨
Jungkook hears some of it from Taehyung, that Jimin said some hurtful things to Namjoon when they went to get a meal together, that he blew off Seokjin for this event they’d planned to go to together for months, that when Yoongi tried to talk to him, he shut the door in his face like he had Hoseok.
And then Taehyung— He tries a different approach, feigns an intervention as a personal hangout, just the two of them, to do whatever Jimin wants.
But what Jimin chooses to do is show up drunk, passing out before they can even leave the dorms. Jungkook can tell that everyone’s a little fed up by it, especially since Jimin won’t talk to them. There’s only so much they all can do. And they try. Jungkook watches them try.
He thinks how Jimin has the best support group, the most amazing friends, that he himself is blessed enough to get to be amongst after the hell he went through in his previous university. So why isn’t Jimin listening? What is he thinking? Why won’t he talk to them?
What’s wrong?
What is everyone doing wrong?
Is it him? he wonders.
And then it’s all be can think. That it’s him, that he’s the problem and Jimin hates him and that’s the only explanation that makes sense. If Jungkook distances himself, then maybe Jimin will come back to his friends, and everything will be as it should be.
✨
Jungkook finds Jimin one day in the library. For once, the other hasn’t been drinking, though he looks like he hasn’t had much sleep either. There are dark circles under his eyes and several cups of empty coffee beside him, one stacked over the other over the other.
It’s early in the morning so there aren’t many students around. That’s the only reason Jungkook is brave enough to approach, not saying anything as he sits across from Jimin, who’s head snaps up at his appearance.
Jimin’s expression hardens. “I’m busy.”
“Me too. I have assignments to do.”
“You can do them somewhere else.”
“Fine.”
Jimin looks surprised at that. His mouth drops open, but he can’t argue against that. Jungkook takes the silence as a chance to continue.
“I just have something quick to say, then I’ll go. I’ll be quick.”
“I really don’t—”
“I’m sorry.” The apology shuts Jimin up. “I think I get it now, and I’ll leave you alone. I’ll leave your friends alone. I’m sorry I barged into your life when you didn’t ask for any of this. I know my place. Your friends love you, so don’t push them away. You can push me away but… not them. You don’t know how lucky you are to have them.”
Another crack appears, and later on Jungkook will recognise it as a crack in Jimin’s façade, but right now he’s too focused on his own cracked feelings to notice.
“Sorry again,” Jungkook says, standing. He waits for a response, for Jimin to perhaps tell him he’s wrong about all of it, that it was just a misunderstanding.
When Jimin says nothing, he knows.
He knows he’s to blame, but at least he could play a part in fixing it.
Things can go back to normal now.
And he can go back to being alone.
✨
Life without Jungkook’s new friends is bleak, but he doesn’t want to become the way he was before transferring, so bitter about everything that he couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s why he makes a point of trying to make new friends, asking to hang out with the people in his clubs and his classes.
It’s on one such outing with some students from his major at a bar that he sees Jimin in a corner booth near the bathrooms, forehead plastered to the table. There are multiple empty glasses around him, and it’s clear he’s not okay.
Instinct drives him to shake Jimin’s shoulder, and relief floods through him when he hears him hum incoherently.
“Jimin,” Jungkook calls, shaking until Jimin finally opens his eyes. “Are you okay?”
Dead eyes, he thinks, and wonders how he ever thought distancing himself might be the quick fix Jimin needed. The thought escapes him as Jimin sits up in a rush, swaying a little in the seat.
“Where m’I?”
“A bar near campus,” Jungkook says. He takes in Jimin’s state, the messy hair and stale breath. “You should get home. Can you stand? I can take you?”
Jimin makes a questioning sound, not quite meeting Jungkook’s eyes. “Mm. No. M’tired.”
“Think it’s time you went to bed then. I… I can call someone if you’d prefer. Hobi or Tae or…”
“Shungguk.”
It takes far too long for Jungkook to realise Jimin has called his name, or at least a vague version of it. “What? What is it?”
Jimin stares at him blankly for a second. And then— “M’sorry,” he whispers. “Sorry. M’so sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Jungkook says as gently as he can. “I don’t think we should wait to get you home. Can you try to get up? I’ll help, and maybe I can call Tae on the way? Is that okay?”
Jimin doesn’t seem capable of answering. At least Jungkook had the foresight not to delete anyone’s numbers.
“You’re okay,” Jungkook says, helping Jimin up. “I’ve got you.”
The whole way, Jimin mumbles how sorry he is, but he never says what for.
✨
A week later, Jungkook hears from Taehyung that Jimin has decided to go home for the rest of the semester. No one explains why, and at first Jungkook thinks it’s because they don’t want him to know after he cut things off with them.
But then Seokjin reaches out to tell him he’s being stupid and to come back, explains it all over a cup of coffee that Jimin just up and left without giving anyone an explanation, and that was that.
Jimin didn’t talk to them.
He didn’t want them to know.
He didn’t want to be here.
Jungkook wonders— is there someone taking care of Jimin? And, more selfishly— why can’t it be me?
✨
It’s a shock to Jungkook’s system when he walks into his new dorm almost six months later and sees Jimin strolling down the hallway with his suitcase rolling along behind him. So much so that Jungkook can’t make a sound, can only watch until Jimin turns a corner and disappears. His legs don’t start working again for another minute.
Later, he receives a series of texts from Jimin’s number, saved in his phone so long ago now, it’s almost like it happened in another lifetime.
Hi! I hope you didn’t block this number :P
Oh! It’s going through so I guess you didn’t. Phew!
I’m just texting to see if you have time to meet up? I’m back on campus. Surprise!
And I’d like to talk. If you’re free.
And willing.
This was Jimin btw
Probably should’ve started with that :’)
Jungkook consults Namjoon because he’s the first person he sees after the texts come in. All he learns is that Jimin sent similar texts to everyone, asking to speak one on one. So Jungkook isn’t particularly special, but he feels like it anyway because he wouldn’t have expected Jimin to contact him at all, not after everything.
But Jungkook still agrees to go.
Whether it’s because he’s curious or just likes to suffer remains to be seen.
They meet in Jimin’s room a day later. Jimin gets the door, and there’s something in those eyes, a certain light that Jungkook isn’t sure he’s seen before. But he doesn’t want to get his hopes up, so he tamps down on his lingering feelings, telling them to go away.
“Hi,” Jimin greets.
“Hi.”
Jimin allows Jungkook further into the room, offering him a close-lipped smile that Jungkook thinks he now recognises for what it is. But Jimin pushes through it, waving at his desk chair. “Can we chat for a bit? I just have a few things to say. It won’t take long.”
“Sure, yeah.” Jungkook sits. “Welcome back, by the way.”
Jimin shoots him a smile with teeth this time, even though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Thanks.”
Jimin makes himself comfortable on the bed, fiddling with the bedsheets. Jungkook watches as he takes a deep breath in, then lets it out.
It’s a while before he finally says, “I wanted to apologise.”
Like before, Jungkook tells him, “I don’t think you have anything to apologise for.”
“No, I do. I… I wasn’t nice to you. I wasn’t myself with you. I made you feel unwelcome and I’m sorry for that.”
Jungkook shifts his feet, those old uncomfortable emotions rearing their heads. “It’s alright. Honestly, I don’t think badly of you for any of it. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
“But I want to.”
“But we’re not even—” He shuts his mouth. The words feel harsh and bitter, and he doesn’t want to feel those things right now.
“Not even,” Jimin repeats, then seems to grasp it. “Not even friends?”
“That, yeah,” Jungkook admits.
“Okay. Yeah. Maybe that’s right. But we could’ve been? I think maybe we could’ve been… if I hadn’t been such an asshole to you.”
“I didn’t think that about you,” Jungkook argues.
“Because you know me?” Jimin asks.
The question guts Jungkook, but maybe he deserves to hear it posed like that. Perhaps if he’d listened more that night instead of insisting so much, none of this would’ve happened.
Jimin’s face sours. “Sorry, I’m sorry. That was mean.”
“No, I—” Because it’s true, that Jungkook believed he knew Jimin when he only knew grainy video feeds and tight-lipped smiles and the words that came from their shared friends’ lips. Not Jimin. He never really knew Jimin. “I should’ve tried harder to know you. I'm sorry.”
Jimin shakes his head. “I think you tried, and I ignored it all because I resented you.”
It’s one thing to have a theory, another to hear it proven true. “So it was my fault that you were different when you came back.”
“Yes and no?” Jimin sighs, head sinking back against the wall. “It’s not really you, okay? Not really. I was just— God, I guess I have to say it again, don’t I? Jungkook, my time abroad was awful. I spent most of it in my room binge watching anime. I couldn’t wait to come home.”
This is news. “I thought you loved it.”
“I lied. I didn’t want everyone to feel bad for me. All my friends assumed I was having an amazing time so I just went with it. I figured once I was back, I could just forget about it, but it was all different.”
“Because I was there?”
“I don’t know.” Jimin bites his lower lip nerviusly. “I don’t think it was just that, but for a while there, when I was feeling particularly bad, it was easy to think they had replaced me with you. And you… you got along so well with everyone. I felt like I— like I could barely keep my head above water. I felt so far away from myself. I just…”
Jimin shrugs, his words failing him, but Jungkook understands without needing it to be spelled out.
“Me too,” Jungkook says. “At my old uni. I didn’t have any friends. There was this group of people that hated me and always made sure I knew. I felt so out of place. I became sort of a recluse and I hated it. That’s why I transferred.”
Jimin chuckles sadly. “Now I feel worse.”
“I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. I just think… sometimes we can’t avoid our worse selves. Maybe it’s a terrible time abroad or a strange new transfer student hanging around your friends that triggers it. You’ve already apologised. I never blamed you, even on the days it felt particularly bad. And... I think I made a lot of assumptions about you. That probably didn't help your opinion of me. This is belated, but I'm sorry too."
"It's okay. I do kind of understand it. I did the same thing, decided who you were before trying to get to know you."
"I guess we can both be better."
Jimin nods in agreement, looking down. "I just wish I could've been better to you. But you were so nice and everyone loved you and it just made it harder. Then Doyun was constantly up in my space and I couldn’t take it. I blamed him for my sucky time abroad for so long. It was a bad breakup, the week before I left. I barely had time to process, and then I had to go.”
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says.
“God.” Jimin shuts his eyes for a second, obviously trying to calm himself. “I know I wasn’t in love with him, but I couldn’t live without him, not when he made me feel so guilty all the time. Meet my friends, and I was ignoring him. Go out with him and his friends, and I was being clingy. Stay at home, and I thought he was boring. It’s like I couldn’t do anything right. Sorry for ranting about it. It doesn't excuse how I acted.”
Jungkook shakes his head, more than happy that Jimin is opening up a bit. “He’s the real asshole," he says. "Wish I’d shoved him harder that night."
Jimin cracks a smile. The hint of light in his eyes sparks a streak of hope over the feelings Jungkook has tried to keep buried these last few months.
“I really am sorry about last semester,” Jimin says more easily than before, and it’s like they’ve reached a connection Jungkook never could have fathomed before. “I did a lot of things I’m not proud of and you got caught in the crosshairs. Can we please start again? For real this time?”
“I'd like that.”
“Okay. I’m going to do better. I’ve been at therapy, you know? And being at home helped me process a lot of things I’d ignored. And just— also— before I forget, I need to thank you, because you made me realise how childish I was acting towards my friends. I didn’t know how to say it at the time, but it’s what got me thinking I needed a change. So thank you.”
“I didn’t do much. I was kind of childish too. Jin-hyung called me stupid for pushing them all away instead of talking to them. Pushing you away too.”
“Guess we all do stupid things sometimes.” Jimin’s brows pull together, voice turning stern. “But don’t do that again. Don’t give up our friends for me, even if you think you’re helping. They are amazing friends, and they love you too.”
“Okay, okay, I can definitely make this promise.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
Jimin hesitates a second. “Can we hug?”
Jungkook can’t help smiling. “Yes, of course.”
Jungkook didn’t really know what it was to be gone for Jimin before. Because wrapped up in Jimin’s arms after really talking to him, his heart tumbles over itself in happiness, and he thinks to himself—
This is real.
✨
Jungkook fell in love with the idea of Jimin first, his moving pixels on the screen as beautiful as any man in the flesh.
Jimin, the real Jimin, he falls in love with slowly—and then all at once.
✨
The first time Jungkook sees a sparkle in Jimin’s eyes, he thinks he must have died and gone to heaven because that’s an actual angel he’s looking at. A beautiful angel dressed in devil’s clothes—literally, because it’s Halloween—but who wears the most angelic smile, there’s no way he didn’t once have wings.
And that smile, that sparkle, is the trigger.
Jungkook’s mood lifts and he ends the night on a whim asking Jimin if he wants to check out this hiking trail he heard about just outside the city. Jimin asks who else is going. Jungkook says he hasn’t asked anyone else yet. Jimin smiles teasingly and says—don’t.
“Let’s let it be a you and me thing. We don’t have one of those yet.”
✨
One year later, Jimin recounts the exact moment he fell in love.
“We were at karaoke. I wasn’t feeling good about my voice that day and I knew it didn’t matter because we were all just going to be shouting our lungs out anyway, but I dunno, call me a perfectionist. Then this song came on and we were the only two who knew it but I hadn’t sung yet and I guess you figured you’d have to sing it alone because I failed to say anything. Which, I guess, might have been the better choice for all of our ears—”
“You have a beautiful voice, love—”
“Anyway, you sang the first bit alone and I was sort of sweating and nervous because I knew the song, like, really well and was itching to sing and I saw the other mic sitting there untouched so I just— I grabbed it and joined you and you looked back at me with— with all this joy and I— That was it.”
“That was it?” Jungkook asks.
“That’s when I knew.”
Jungkook draws the back of Jimin’s hand to his lips. “And the rest is history.”
Jimin’s eyes sparkle when he smiles.