Work Text:
Siyang loves Zhuo Zhi painfully.
He’s constantly putting his dreams of nationals with Yu Qing at a crossroads with his love of Zhuo Zhi, how Zhuo Zhi wants him to be safe and take care of himself so it doesn’t cost him his entire professional future. It constantly, repeatedly fights against Siyang's selfish desires for nationals and the pressure of being both the captain and Yu Qing's pillar.
So, he hurts.
He aches and destroys himself emotionally saying it's for the best, he convinces himself that it's not as if Zhuo Zhi wouldn’t give everything up just for a single second more in the court alongside his captain. He's doing this for the both of them, he thinks, for the team, for tennis.
Zhuo Zhi hurts because he thinks Siyang ignores him, his pleads and his existence, like his support never mattered.
Siyang hurts because he knows more than anyone else that if he lets himself rely on Zhuo Zhi, he will feel like he's doing a disservice to the shorter man. Like Siyang is holding him back.
And no matter how much he promises Zhuo Zhi that he's not in pain, Zhuo Zhi notices.
Of course he notices.
When does he not notice when there's a change in Siyang? Nobody knows and understands him better than Zhuo Zhi does, after all.
But Siyang is terrified that he's not the one who understands Zhuo Zhi the best, when it's Jiale who he always turns to, who he confides in and cryptically talks of his troubles, who he spends time on the bench with at breaks between practice and training sets.
Siyang is terrified that he'll never be the one to truly understand Zhuo Zhi like no other.
Terrified that his love will not be enough to make him understand why he does the things he does.
Why he can’t seem to hold a promise to someone he loves like no other.
He's terrified that Zhuo Zhi will get tired of hurting and aching for him and leave
Leave him.
Stop loving him.
So he does what he knows to do best; he practices, and he trains and plays like he has everything to lose. Because he does. He fights and he plays like his life depends on it, like he could lose it all, as long as he doesn’t lose Zhuo Zhi.