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"Lady Furina, you called for me?"
He had decided to stay late to complete his work before the next morning trial, when Sedene suddenly entered his office, telling him Furina requested his presence.
He was now standing outside her chamber, waiting for an answer that never came. He noticed the door was slightly opened, so he knocked once again to make sure she heard him, and walked in.
Everything was dark except the bed, illuminated by the moon rays shining through the open curtains. He could see Furina’s figure completely under the covers, only her white hair sticking out.
He slowly got closer to her and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Lady Furina, may I ask if something happened? It is unusual for you to request my assistance at this hour. I have no intention to violate your privacy. If you changed your mind or if it was a miscommunication, I will simply take my le-”
“No.”
“No?”
“Don't go, please”.
“If that's what you wish, I won't, but I'd be pleased to at least see your face”.
Furina reluctantly resurfaced from under the covers. He could see she had been crying, but considering her lack of answer earlier, he decided not to pry any further.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
He was aware he lacked experience regarding emotions, so he needed to understand what he could do for her first. Furina’s behaviour through the centuries had always left him confused and uncertain, but they still managed to reach a tacit understanding on certain things, to naturally know when it was better to say little or nothing at all. At times a simple glance would have sufficed.
“Just stay here, next to me”.
As simple of a request as it seemed, his mind began to wonder on what could've been the best course of action. Should he keep staying seated on the edge of the bed? Should he remove his shoes and lie next to her? Perhaps that would've been too much, too intimate, too unbecoming of the unfeeling Chief Justice. As if she had heard all the debate going on inside his mind, Furina spoke again.
“Neuvillette, you can come here,” she touched the pillow next to hers.
He removed his shoes, gloves and jacket and went under the covers next to her, trying not to make the bed shake too much, though it was difficult considering his size.
He was on his side, staring at Furina. She was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, hands intertwined on her stomach.
“Thank you” she whispered, still avoiding his gaze.
He wasn't sure what she was thanking him for, so he decided to stay silent. He saw a tear rolling down her cheek, and felt the urge to kiss it away. Instead, he used his finger. He suddenly got overwhelmed by her pain, a stab in the heart he didn't even have. He had no idea what happened to Furina, but it must've been something terrible, because he had never felt a pain so strong in the waters in all his time spent in Fontaine.
“You- touched my cheek” she seemed embarrassed.
“My apologies Lady Furina, it… came natural to me. I won't do anything like this again”.
“I wasn't reprimanding you, I am simply surprised. I have only seen you acting this soft with the Melusines you hold dear”.
“That is indeed true. I usually do not allow myself the luxury of vulnerability in front of our people, lest they think the Iudex isn't capable of being objective due to his emotions. But there's no one except us now, perhaps that's the reason I did not manage to hold myself back”.
Furina shifted to her side and got closer to him, head leaning in his chest, her eyes closed.
She was still crying, but with a faint smile blooming in the corner of her lips. That made him feel a warmth inside he did not know how to define. He was about to touch her hair, but stopped himself in the middle of it.
“May I… caress your hair to give you some comfort?”
She chuckled. “You can be pretty amusing, you know? Of course you can, sir Chief Justice”.
Her voice lingered on his title a little too long. He wasn't sure what she found entertaining, but it amazed him how she could be light-hearted even with that unbearable ache he felt earlier holding her down. Perhaps she was simply stronger than him, yes, that must be it.
“Did someone try to attack you again today?”
“Nothing happened, do not worry. It's just… hard at times, to go on.”
He couldn't fully grasp the meaning of those words, but figured she was referring to being the Archon. He might have had the responsibility of carrying out trials, but she was the one interacting with citizens, making sure their faith in her never faltered, appearing as a safe haven despite the prophecy. There was a sentence she used to say often, believe in me and everything will be fine. It might have sounded reassuring to the average Fontaine citizen, a god to believe in times of fear and uncertainty. They couldn't see the insecurity in her eyes, eyes that seemed so empty despite her outlandish personality. He could always tell there was something hidden, endless doubts plaguing her mind when she thought no one was looking, fear taking over whenever the prophecy was mentioned. And he knew through those subtle moments of vulnerability, she wasn't as superficial as she presented herself to be, which is probably what led to her being in this state. A sensitive heart will always crumble under the heaviness of other people's expectations, even without being human. He knew that too well.
“Furina, you can talk to me.”
She gasped, suddenly raising her head from his chest and slightly pushing him away, staring at him with tears in her eyes, as if she had just committed a terrible mistake. He stared back, confused, trying to understand whatever could be going through her mind.
She seemed devastated, he was sure if he had touched another tear he would've started crying too, and he did not want to ruin the moonlit night, nor be another burden for Furina.
After what seemed to Neuvillette an endless time of listening to their own breathing, she finally spoke again.
“Please, don't say that,” she tried to wipe her own tears away “you don't understand. I can't explain anything and it hurts. It's so interminably lonely, I can't take it anymore. You're here, but you still don't see me!”. She started softly hitting his chest out of frustration, Neuvillette’s confusion only growing stronger, scared of making things worse by opening his mouth.
He held her hands, noticing how small they were compared to his, which almost made him smile, but now it was not the time.
“Furina… I am here. You are not alone. You can show me everything you are, I will never grow tired or dare myself to judge it, for it is a part of you”.
Furina did not move, nor speak for quite some time. She was staring at a fixed point on his chest, her hands still held by his. After a while, she shifted on her back, once again staring at the ceiling.
“Did I say something inappr-”
“No.” her tone was resigned, almost cold. “I apologise, Monsieur Neuvillette, for wasting your time at this hour. I must ask you to leave”.
He got up from the bed, put on his clothes and shoes quietly. He stared at the moon for a moment, noticing some clouds getting near.
He felt sad, but was also used to this behaviour. She always pulled him to her, and when she was almost about to reveal whatever it was that weighed on her heart, it was as if something possessed her, switching back to that public persona she always used. He could tell she must have been protecting something extremely precious for her to resist despite all the loneliness contained in her tears.
“Lady Furina, forgive me, one last thing before I go” she did not move from her position, staring at the mysterious ceiling as if it held the answers to this conundrum “I don't know what is keeping you from opening your heart, but I can see you are more than what you present yourself to be. If there will ever be a day when you’ll be free from this burden you keep secret for reasons unknown to me, I will wait for it. I have all the time in the world.”
He waited, but she didn't reply. He took it as his cue to leave, looking at her moonlit figure one last time before closing the door.
Leaving, he heard a small, bitter laugh followed by a whisper.
“And I don't, you fool”.