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”Well!” sniffed Mrs Elton as soon as Mr Weston had left the vicarage parlour. “I certainly never heard the like! Engaged – secretly engaged – for nearly a year! I am hardly a green girl, you know, and have seen something of the world, but I own I should not have expected such a thing of Jane Fairfax. I had thought better of her than this!”
Mr Elton shook his head in equal, though less vociferous, censure. While not as personally outraged as his wife, he was quite displeased that such an affair had been going on under his nose. After all, the morals of the parishioners fell under the vicar’s purview. This sort of business might, in some eyes, reflect poorly on him. If Jane Fairfax and Frank Churchill had had a shred of decency, Mr Elton thought disapprovingly, they would have taken better care to keep the scandalous details of their engagement to themselves.
“And to think that she told no one! Not a word even to her closest friends!” continued Mrs Elton indignantly. “Sly – sly and artful in the extreme. It is one thing to be reserved, but she ought to have shown some trust in those who have done nothing but aid and assist her. Not a hint, not the smallest hint did she give me – and after all the trouble I took to secure her a situation, too! I hardly know how I shall explain it to Mrs Smallridge.”
“An awkward business,” agreed Mr Elton. “It is exactly the sort of behaviour I dislike the most – misleading others about one’s intentions, only to turn about and scorn their generosity. You have been very ill used, my dear.”
“Indeed! You know that I would spare no trouble to help a friend, but in truth I did go to some effort to find Jane Fairfax a place. And the worst of it is that she had not even the grace to tell me in person! I had to discover it all from Mr Weston. I hardly knew how to look when he told us!”
Mr Elton, having been acquainted with Mr Weston for longer than his wife, privately reflected that Miss Fairfax might very well have intended to make the communication herself. As he was not inclined to quibble over the matter, however, he merely concurred that Jane had behaved very shabbily indeed.
But another, more cheerful side to the matter had occurred to him. “There is a certain lady whose hopes may be even more severely disappointed than Mrs Smallridge’s once the news becomes public. I dare say that Frank Churchill and his bride will not be met with a cordial welcome at Hartfield.”
“Oh!” cried Mrs Elton, comprehending his meaning at once. “I wonder how Miss Woodhouse will bear the blow. The way she has been carrying on, I am certain that she expected to become the next Mrs Churchill. Do you recall how shockingly she flirted with Frank Churchill at Box Hill? I was quite mortified on her behalf!”
“No doubt Miss Woodhouse’s pride will recover,” said Mr Elton, “but we must hope that the experience will teach her some small degree of humility. She has ever thought herself superior to everybody else. I should imagine it will rankle when she finds herself below Jane Fairfax in precedence.”
“Oh yes – she is exactly the sort to make a fuss about such things. So very high and mighty! I do not know if there are five families in Highbury that she deigns to visit. But if one keeps turning one’s nose up at every offer of friendship, one may end up quite friendless.”
“And if nothing less than an estate of Enscombe’s size will satisfy her,” added Mr Elton, “she will be a spinster to boot. Where does she think to find herself a suitor half as rich as Churchill?”
“Ah, poor girl!” cried Mrs Elton, shaking her head with a rather self-satisfied smile. “I fear it will be a hard lesson for her – but pride goeth before destruction.”
Mr Elton returned her smile with equal smugness. “How fortunate we are, my dear, to have put the troubles of courtship behind us. I for one do not repine for those days!”
Mrs Elton patted his hand. “Nor do I! I would not be single again for the world. But” – she glanced coyly at her husband – “unmarried ladies are not privy to all the joys and mysteries of marriage. Miss Woodhouse, I suppose, scarcely knows what she is missing.”
“Indeed,” said Mr Elton, with some feeling. “And if she does catch a husband at last, I for one do not envy the fellow. One must hope that her fortune will warm his heart sufficiently, for his bed, I think, will be cold.”
“Oh, Mr E! How shocking!” tittered Mrs Elton. “You must not say such dreadful things! Quite horrid, I declare!”
This, of course, was all but an invitation to go on, and Mr Elton was happy to oblige. He had many clever quips and daring remarks to amuse his wife with, and she rewarded him with all due appreciation. In enumerating Miss Woodhouse’s faults and predicting her future unhappiness, they passed a very pleasant afternoon.
We may thus conclude with this moral: it is commendable to love one’s neighbours, but for the promotion of marital happiness, disliking them may serve just as well.