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It was quiet in the house of Wind, once Nesta had shown her guests their room. She debated going to train by herself– anything to release the tension that had been building the minute Rhysand had shown up to scream at her.
She still couldn’t decide if she thought she deserved it or not.
The thought of it alone made her throat close, before she did a few mind stilling exercises and regained her composure. The house sent a soft breeze, nudging her into her bedroom, where she knew Cassian awaited, no doubt expecting an explanation she couldn’t give.
After a moment with her hand on the doorknob, she twisted and pushed in, spotting Cassian sitting at the foot of their bed, elbows on his knees. At her entrance, he stood and looked over her, his eyes hard to read. Without a word, he extended his arms, and she didn’t argue as she stepped into his embrace and melted into it. She buried her face into his chest, and let him hold her up.
When she pulled away, his eyes hardened a bit. “Nesta”
She couldn't bite back her defense. “Oh are you going to scream at me too now? Rhysand didn’t do a good enough job for you?”
“You may be shocked to discover I have my own opinions about you and your actions and they don’t always have to do with Rhysand’s”
“Well I’m glad to hear that considering you’re my mate .”
“And Rhysand is my High Lord .” He snarled. “We have a court to protect, our lives to protect, so I’m sorry for questioning the reckless decisions you make that constantly undermine the delicate nature of our safety–”
Nesta couldn’t hold back the cool laugh that escaped her lips. “Reckless.” She savored the word. “Well, I never thought that you all would still be using that word considering the ridiculous bargain Feyre and Rhysand made. You aren’t without your faults either…”
Cassian's eyes burned with a fire that rivaled her own, the red light from his siphons reflecting unnervingly, and he spoke with a chilling quiet, “Don’t.” Her breath caught, as guilt crushed her lungs.
She merely held his gaze, lifting her chin, jaw tight, daring him to say more. Daring him to support Rhysand, which she knew he would always do. She just thought that maybe…
Cassian continued, “Nes, I don’t want you to think I agree with the way Rhys treated you today. Fuck, I wanted to strike him for how he spoke to you, but I it’s best to show a united front with these visitors present.” She hadn’t realized how much she had wanted Cassian to support her until he gave her this kernel of defense. He gripped her hands. Tightly. “You’re one of us. We all love you– even Rhysand in his own way– loves you, Nesta. Thats why it fucking hurts when you dismiss us and our opinions. You’re not alone anymore. Stop fucking acting like it.” His voice dripped with desperation. She had no snarky comeback. No venomous attack. She only had the tears that burned in the back of her eyes, at the raw exasperation radiating off of Cassian.
He finally broke her gaze and looked down. “I don’t want to be upset with you but I need some time.” Nesta nodded slowly, and began turning to the door, not wanting to say more for fear her voice might break. She hadn’t meant to hurt Cassian, yet she seemed to always end up here. Bryce had just seemed so desperate and she knew what it was like to–
“Where are you going?” Cassian looked at her in confusion, already starting to undress for bed. She blinked at him.
“I thought you said you wanted time.”
“Come here,” he said softly. In seconds, she had crossed the room and had her fingers entwined in his hair, his face buried in her neck, breathing in slowly. He mumbled onto her skin, “I never want to be apart from you, Nes. I promise you that much.” She rested her cheek on his head and prayed to the mother he wouldn’t notice the tear that fell down her cheek, before quickly swiping it away.
“I’m sorry, Cass.” She whispered. “I can’t explain it but I just knew it was the right thing to do, but I knew everyone would disagree with me. And no one ever gives a shit about my opinion.”
“I do.” He muttered. “I’ve always cared.”
She waited a moment, savoring the feel of his chest rising and falling with his breaths. Finally she whispered, “I don’t know if… I don’t know if I made the right decision.” Her voice vaught and she took a steadying breath. His answering sigh only made her insides twist more.
He was, no doubt, still angry with her. Rightfully so. “I don’t know either.” He responded flatly. “What if Bryce never comes back for her parents? What if we spend the rest of our lives in fear that the Daglan will return for us? Nes, I value your opinion more than anyone else's, but why don’t you value mine?”
She pulled back and cupped his face in her hands, tracing its planes with her fingertips. His furrowed brow. Cringing at the tensed jaw, she placed her forehead on his, hoping he would understand. Feel what she felt for him. Of him.
For all their sakes, she would hold her breath until Bryce stepped back through that portal.