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The Doctor groaned in frustration as he marched out of the TARDIS. He hadn’t meant for her to move. She wasn’t supposed to go anywhere; he didn’t want to go anywhere.
He was done with this life. He was done saving the precious universe if the universe wasn’t willing to save what was precious to him. He’d always tried to hold out hope. No matter what he lost, no matter who he lost.
Losing Amy and Rory was the last straw.
He kicked the outside of the TARDIS.
“Take me back!” He shouted angrily, glaring daggers at the Blue Box. He tried to push open the door but it wouldn’t budge. When he attempted to twist his key, the lock closed over. “What’re you doing that for?”
The Doctor groaned, resting his head against the door in defeat. “Please, old girl. I can’t. Not right now.”
Turn around. A voice echoed from deep inside his mind.
He lifted his head off the wooden door. “What?”
Turn around!
He did as told, spinning on his heels to see a familiar blue door. Although, it wasn’t the one to the TARDIS.
It was Amy and Rory’s front door.
Rory groaned as he walked over to the front door. Amy was taking a nap, and he had just sat down for an evening cup of tea when someone began pounding rapidly on the door. He had a good feeling of who it was. If he was right, he’d smack the Doctor so hard he would turn around and fly back away in the TARDIS.
He would never actually do that. He’d be a bit irritated, sure. But every time the Doctor showed up on his and Amy’s doorstep was automatically a good time. Rory hated to admit it, but he missed the overexcited alien when he wasn’t around to bother him.
Sure enough, when he opened the door he was met with his best friend. Although, the look that flashed across the Time Lord's face was not one of joy. No, it was one of complete and utter grief.
“Rory?” The Doctor breathed out, as though his name was more of a question than a greeting. His eyes widened comically. As if Rory was the last thing he would have ever imagined he’d see. Which, Rory found odd. As the alien had visited a little over a week ago.
However, he did remember him mentioning that the TARDIS wasn’t working properly, meaning he wasn’t visiting them in the same order they were seeing him. Maybe that’s what was happening?
The Doctor stared at him for a moment, looking him up and down. Rory opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the Doctor surging towards him, wrapping his arms tightly around the blonde’s shoulders.
Rory’s hands hovered in the air. He was more than taken aback by his friend’s strange behavior—strange, even for him. He patted him on the back awkwardly.
When it became apparent the Doctor wasn’t ready to pull away yet—god knows why—he let his hands rest on the man's back.
“Okay,” He mumbled, more to himself than the Doctor. He rubbed a hand awkwardly up and down the unfamiliar, dark overcoat the Doctor had draped around his shoulders. He hoped the gesture was at least a bit comforting. “Are you alright? What’s going on?”
The Doctor finally pulled away. He placed his palms on Rory’s cheeks, cradling his face gently. “Oh, Rory the Roman, I am fantastic .”
Rory sucked in a chuckle, raising an eyebrow. “What? I’m supposed to believe you just missed me?”
The Doctor’s grin faltered slightly. “I always miss you. Both of you. Always.” He cocked his head to the side. “How long since I was last here?”
Rory shrugged. “Uh, ‘bout a week? You stayed the night, three of us watched…”
“American Psycho.” They finished together.
The Doctor grinned wildly. “Ah, that was a good day. Brilliant. Amy kept getting scared, hiding her face in your shoulder.”
Rory laughed. “So did you .” He reminded.
“Ey! You said you wouldn’t mention it!”
They both looked at each other for a minute before bursting into childish laughter. Rory took the opportunity to look at his friend. Truly, look at him.
His hair was greyer, which was odd, other than the odd line on his face, loss of eyebrows, or wrinkle under his eye, the Doctor hadn’t shown any visible signs of aging in all the time Rory had known him. His outfit was completely different as well. Rather than being dressed in childish suspenders, tweed, and bow tie, he was instead, wearing a dark button-up accompanied by a purple vest—a gold pocket watch strung between the buttons. A long, slick, dark violet overcoat replaced the old brown tweed.
“What’s with the new outfit?” Rory wondered aloud. He was positive his confusion showed as clear as daylight on his face.
The Doctor’s face fell immediately.
There it was again, that look in his eyes Rory had noticed when he first walked in. That… grief. He knew the Doctor was no stranger to loss, but it looked fresh. He looked as though he’d just lost something so important it was killing him.
The dark outfit suddenly made sense.
He was mourning.
“Doctor?” Rory asked. “How long have you been away?”
“I shouldn’t even be here…”
“How long?” The blonde’s voice hardened, yet his eyes were filled with nothing but concern.
What had happened to the Doctor? How long had it been for him? What had he lost? Who had he lost?
“Spoilers.” The Doctor finally answered, a sad smile on his lips.
Rory frowned at him. His gaze drifted to the Doctor’s neck. His brow furrowed as he realized there was no bow tie. He looked back up at the alien. “Wait here.”
The Doctor raised an eyebrow at him but before he could say anything, Rory had already rushed off to his and Amy’s bedroom.
Amy stirred when he entered. Rory had a feeling she must already be half awake—he and the Doctor weren’t exactly being quiet and the walls were thin.
“The Doctor’s here,” Rory announced as he wandered over to the brown dresser. He opened up his top drawer, pulling out a piece of purple cloth.
“M’kay…” Amy mumbled, clearly sleepy. “What’re you doin’?”
“Remember that gift we got for him a couple of months back?”
Amy propped herself up on her elbows, her cloudly gaze falling on the piece of clothing in Rory’s hands. “Thought we were waiting for Christmas to give him that?”
Rory paused, unsure how to phrase his explanation. He lowered his voice, wanting to be sure the Doctor couldn’t overhear him. “I know, it’s just…Amy, I don’t think this is our Doctor.”
Amy furrowed her brow at him in that adorable way Rory loved. Her sleepy brain was unable to follow what he was saying. “Huh? What’d you mean?”
“He’s so different. He looks older. He’s dressed completely wrong. ” He bit his tongue, sighing slightly. “I’ve got a feeling it’s him, just…not anytime soon.”
“So, we’ve got a future version of the Doctor in our living room?”
“I think so.”
Amy pondered this. “You seem too sure of yourself for this to just be about clothes.”
Rory lowered his head. “He hugged me when he saw me. Ames, I don’t think he’s ever greeted me like that.”
“He hugs you all the time!”
“Not in the way he did,” Rory explained. “He hugged me like it’s been forever since he last had. Like he didn’t think he’d be able to again.”
Amy frowned. She thought about this for a moment before she crawled out of the bed. Her hair was a frizzy, red, mess. Rory still thought she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid his eyes on.
“Well then,” Amy said, a smile on her lips. “Let’s go see our Raggedy man.”
Rory grinned back.
It was strange, being back inside these walls. The Doctor hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this place. He hadn’t known the last time he was here that it would be the last time.
His eyes welled up as he noticed a photograph hanging off the wall. It was one of him and the Ponds.
Amy was the one holding the camera, she had a gorgeous grin on her face as she looked up at him and Rory. The Doctor was in the middle, his arms slung around both pairs of shoulders. He had his lips pressed against Rory’s cheek—who had an equally wide grin as his wife. The man was in the middle of attempting to push the Doctor away when Amy snapped the photo.
“My Ponds.” He whispered under his breath, smiling sadly at the memory.
He hadn’t allowed himself to say their names after losing them. It hurt too much. He rarely even let his mind drift off to them. He still loved them, he knew he always would. Yet he wished he could forget them long enough for the hurt to disappear from his hearts.
“Whoa, Rory wasn’t kidding.”
The Doctor was startled at the sudden voice from behind him. He spun around quickly, exhaling shakily as his gaze met Amy’s. She was dressed in her nightgown, hair frizzled as though she had just woken up.
He tried to compose himself; he truly did. He put on the largest grin he could fake, his hands clapping together excitedly in front of him.
“Amelia Pond!” He greeted.
She approached him in 3 steps, entering his space. She smiled softly at him. Her eyes soaked in every detail. After a moment, she reached up a hand, resting it gently on his cheek.
The Doctor always liked to believe he was an expert at remaining in control of his emotions. Yet, as he stared into the eyes of one of his best friends in the entire universe—the very same eyes he thought he’d never look into again—he couldn’t help it as a tear trailed down his cheek.
That tear said all the words he couldn’t.
Amy brushed it away soothingly with her thumb before she all but yanked him forward into her arms. She trailed her fingers through his brown hair which had grown considerably since last he’d seen her.
His arms wrapped around her tightly, pulling her in close against him. He breathed in her scent, burying his nose against her shoulder.
“I know you can’t tell me about whatever’s going on right now, paradoxes and such,” She started. His incredible, smart Amy Pond. “But answer me this,” She pulled away from him enough to look him in the eye, her hands remaining on his shoulders, grounding him. “Will you be okay?”
His gaze flickered between her eyes. He managed a small nod.
“Eventually.” He answered honestly.
Amy smiled up at him. She stood on her tippy toes, placing one of her hands on the back of his neck to force his head down as she pressed her lips against his forehead. When she pulled away, she didn’t lean back. Instead, she kept his forehead pressed against his. She watched as his eyes shut hard enough to emphasize the wrinkles he’d gained.
Amy placed her hand on his cheek, feeling the itch of his stubble beneath her fingers. “I’m here, Raggedy Man. I promise.”
They stayed in that position for a few minutes before they were interrupted by the rough noise of Rory clearing his breath. The Doctor’s gaze shot to him immediately, while Amy simply rolled her eyes.
Rory waved apologetically at the two. “Sorry, just um..” He stepped forward, looking up at the Doctor. “I have something for you, we have something for you.”
Amy smiled warmly at her husband. “Don’t go doing that, mister. You picked it out, it was your idea. Take your deserved credit, Mr. Pond.”
Rory nodded awkwardly. He stepped closer to the Doctor as Amy stepped off to the side. Rory reached into his pocket and pulled out the purple cloth he’d grabbed from his drawer.
A bow tie. The Doctor quickly realized upon seeing the shape of the fabric.
It was lovely. The color was a dark purple that almost perfectly matched his new coat. Scattered along the surface were tiny white dots.
It was perfect.
He looked back at Rory, who stared at him with unsure eyes. The Doctor broke into a grin, wiggling his hands in front of him in delight. “Oh, Rory. It’s excellent.”
Rory smiled back. His shoulders slumped slightly in relief. He took another step into the Doctor’s space. His hands landed on the barely taller man’s shirt collar. He pulled the flaps up to make space, before snaking the tie behind the Doctor’s neck.
The Time Lord watched him carefully as the blonde human concentrated on tying the tie. Where Rory had learned to tie bow ties? The Doctor hadn’t the slightest idea, but the gesture was more than appreciated.
“There you go,” Rory murmured as he finished. Tightening the fabric for good luck before he took a step back, admiring his work proudly. “Now you look like the Doctor.”
The Doctor turned around, looking at his reflection in the small mirror that hung above the pictures he’d previously focused his attention on. He had to admit, he’d missed wearing the ‘cool’ accessory.
It had simply felt wrong after losing the Ponds. They’d been there since he started wearing one, they’d been the ones to tease him for it whenever they could, they were the ones who loved him and his bow ties.
It didn’t feel right to wear something he associated so clearly with them after he failed to save them.
But now, as he stood between them in their house, while they were breathing by his side, he could look into the mirror and see himself staring back.
He turned around again, gathering them both in his arms just as he had right before he’d lost them in that graveyard. He held them tightly, resting his cheek against their shoulders. They both hugged him back, sandwiching him between them.
He let the minutes pass before he heard the distant sound of whishing from the TARDIS outside. He knew that noise.
It was the sound the TARDIS made when she could sense another version of herself was about to land. He smiled sadly at the realization.
Any minute now, his past self would come bouncing in. Demanding that the Ponds take a break from their work to take a quick trip to Manhatten with him.
This would be the last time the Doctor saw the Ponds either way.
He pulled away from them. “I have to go.”
Amy offered him a small smile. “We know.”
“You’ll see me again soon. Well, not me, I suppose. Slightly younger me.”
Rory and Amy shared a look.
“Look after yourself, Doctor,” Rory ordered. His gaze seriously. “I mean it.”
“Aye Aye, Centurion.” He replied, giving the man a mock salute.
Both of his friends laughed at that. They each leaned in, pressing light kisses to his cheeks. When they pulled away, he could see in their eyes that they knew this would be his last time seeing them. He didn’t know how they knew, but he was sure they did.
“We love you,” Amy whispered. Rory nodded in agreement to her words.
The Doctor looked between them. “I…I love you both…too.”
He couldn’t remember the last time he uttered those words to another living being, but losing them only made him see how true they were. He’d gone too long without saying them—not that they needed saying—and then he’d lost all opportunity to.
He wasn’t willing to make that mistake again.
He lingered for a minute longer than he probably should have, his green eyes scanning over every inch of his best friend’s face before he allowed himself to turn around, walking out of their lives for the last time.
He thought he would have felt sadder, knowing that he would truly never see them again. Yet, as he walked towards his TARDIS and further away from his family, he felt as though the greatest weight had been lifted off his back.
The Time Lord smiled at the TARDIS. He stroked her wood in appreciation. “Thank you.”
She’d given him the closure he needed, he couldn’t be more grateful.
He stepped on board his ship. His fingers fiddled carelessly with the new bow tie that was displayed proudly on his neck. He smiled as he flicked the controls around, knowing he would always bring a piece of his Ponds with him wherever he went next.
The universe was waiting, after all.