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A small smile spreads on Kim’s face as he sees his boyfriend scribbling away in a notebook. He looks relaxed and comfortable, something he rarely does. Kenta is usually tense and serious which makes Kim treasure the rare moments like this even more. He has half a mind to leave Kenta to it, but in the end, curiosity gets the best of him.
He quietly walks up to Kenta, careful not to startle him. Kim knows if Kenta feels caught all his calmness will immediately disappear and that is the last thing he wants. Sooner or later, Kenta’s training will kick in and he will notice Kim, but he still has a few seconds to let his eyes wander over the page Kenta writes on.
It takes Kim a few seconds to understand what’s happening. The lines and dots in front of him are not Thai, but they are also not English or Korean. Kim can read all of those. He can’t read what Kenta is writing, though. Finally, it registers. The language Kenta uses is Japanese.
Kenta notices him the same second Kim has his realization and quickly shuts his notebook. He looks caught and slightly scared which breaks Kim’s heart. It is not the first time since Kenta moved in and since they got together that Kim has accidentally startled Kenta. He is getting a lot better at avoiding his triggers and they are slowly but steadily working through Kenta’s traumas, however it is close to impossible for Kim to predict everything. No matter how hard he tries and no matter how much he beats himself up over it, Kim may very well be never able to provide Kenta with the safety he requires. Chances are, he will always end up hurting Kenta by accident.
“Is right now a hug moment?” Kim asks in a desperate attempt to take Kenta’s focus off the book in front of him. It’s a new system they’re working on establishing. Kenta does not always feel comfortable with physical touch, too often it brings back memories of the pain inflicted from Tony’s hands. Other times, he craves Kim’s touch as a reminder that he is no longer alone and doesn’t live in that mansion anymore. There’s no rule behind it, no guidelines they can follow or any implications. So, they’ve started to classify Kenta’s moods in moments. Despite Kim having no issues with physical touch, Kenta still insists the system goes both ways and meticulously asks for Kim’s moments. Kim thinks it’s absolutely adorable.
Kenta nods and leans in the touch as Kim wraps his arm around Kenta’s neck. Neither of them says anything, they are simply enjoying the warmth the other provides. Kim can almost feel the tenseness ease out of Kenta’s shoulders the longer he holds him.
Eventually, Kenta turns his head slightly so that they are facing each other. “Kiss?” Kenta’s voice sounds small and unsure, something that doesn’t really fit Kenta’s sturdy frame and sharp face but Kim thinks it makes him even cuter. Kim just smiles and kisses Kenta gently as asked. As if he’d ever pass up a chance to kiss his boyfriend, especially when said boyfriend asks for it.
It’s a big step. Kim remembers when Kenta first came to live with him. He barely dared to breathe Kim’s air, let alone ask anything of Kim. More than once Kim caught him freezing and shivering because he didn’t dare ask Kim to turn the ac down. And now, Kenta asks him for kisses. Kim is so proud he kisses Kenta again one, two, three times, just for good measure. If anyone asked, he’d cite positive reinforcement as reason but truly, he just really likes kissing Kenta.
When they part, Kenta smiles brightly at Kim. It’s Kim’s favourite smile. Kenta doesn’t smile often, and this big, free smile is even rarer. First, the only people who could get a smile out of Kenta were the kids they rescued. Then, he started to smile at Kim once in a while. Later, he allowed himself to crack a smile at North and Sonic’s jokes. However, no matter how comfortable he got with the other racers, this big smile is still for Kim and Kim alone.
“Cute”, Kim mutters under his breath, just to see the expression on Kenta’s face. It’s always the same and it’s one of Kim’s favourite things about his boyfriend. First, Kenta’s eyes widen slightly, caught off guard. Then, his eyeballs wander quickly from left to right and back while a small smile tugs on the corner of his lips. Then, he bites the inside of his lower lips to force the smile to go away and his face morphs into a little frown. “‘Am not.” Kim just kisses him again to prove a point.
“Are you ready to talk about why it triggered a fear response earlier when I saw you working?” Kim asks eventually when they are both sitting on the couch and watching a documentary about wildlife together. It’s one of the few things they found they can safely watch without triggering Kenta and Kim has to admit he quite enjoys learning about all the different animals the planet has to offer.
After a few moments of silence, Kenta nods. “I think so”, he confirms when Kim just looks at him patiently. It’s another thing they agreed upon. When they are discussing something heavy, they both need to verbally confirm they are open for it. Kenta has first argued that it’s unnecessary, he’ll always be willing to talk to Kim about anything but Kim shut him down immediately. “It’s for the sake of both of our mental health, you know? You may not be ready to talk about something or I may not be emotionally available to listen at that moment. Or the other way around. It’s important we agree on such things beforehand.”
“I’m honestly not sure why”, Kenta begins and Kim nods encouragingly. They found it’s best to let Kenta get everything out of his system before they unpack the issues at hand. “I don’t remember much about my parents, you know? I just know that they were Japanese. However, I was too young to learn it from them, I mean I’m pretty sure I picked some of it up before I started to live with Tony, but I forgot all about it. Tony didn’t really want us to learn our native languages if we weren’t Thai. I didn’t ask why but I think it was so we wouldn’t be able to keep secrets in other languages.” Kenta goes quiet for a few seconds and intently watches his hands.
“When I was older he sent me on a mission outside and I came across a book teaching Japanese. I don’t know what possessed me but I took it with me. I hid it in my room and never told anyone about it, but I tried to learn Japanese with it. The only thing I remembered was my mother’s voice saying a single word in Japanese and I hated not knowing what it was. At first, I just wanted to find out what it was - good night. Then I just kept going.”
Upon hearing Kenta’s story, anger fills Kim’s chest. It’s always the same when Kenta tells him about his time growing up with that monster. How could anyone do any of those things to a child? How could he, among many other terrible things, deprive a lonely little child of their native language? But Kenta doesn’t need his anger, so Kim grabs his hands and intertwines their fingers.
“I’m really proud of you, you know?” Kim says and watches Kenta’s frown turn into a smile. “What for?” Now it’s Kim who smiles. “For defying Tony. For fighting for yourself. Hell, for learning another language all by yourself. I don’t even want to know what it would’ve been like to learn Thai without help. You’re incredible, Kenny.” Kenta buries his head in Kim’s shoulder. “I don’t know how to speak though, just read and write. I didn’t dare to say anything out loud.”
“Would you like to try?” Kim wraps his hand around Kenta’s shoulder and begins to play with his hair. “I’m not sure. I don’t even know if I could”, Kenta admits tentatively. “Regardless, would you like to try?” Kenta seems lost in thought for a while before he nods eventually. “I’d like to try.”
“Go ahead, whenever you’re ready, love. There’s no one here to judge.” Kim smiles sheepishly and Kenta chuckles lightly. “We should make it a trade though. I want to hear you speak Korean.” At that, Kim laughs brightly and nods happily. “Sure. I need to practice anyway, it’s been so long since I used Korean.”
That evening, before going to bed, Kenta pulls out his notebook. “I know what all of those mean and I have an idea of how they’re supposed to sound. In my head at least. I’m not sure how to do it right.” Kim nods and looks over the notes. Kenta’s handwriting is just as neat as it is in Thai. “Wanna hear a secret? Me neither.” Kenta breaks into a laugh and Kim joins in seconds later.
When they finally calm down, Kenta stares at Kim who nods encouragingly. Kenta’s eyes drift from Kim to his book and back but eventually, he nods and opens his mouth. Kim can’t tell whether or not the sounds are right, he doesn’t know what Kenta is saying, but he does know that it’s a beautiful sound. He sees the awe in Kenta’s face when the words he only ever read dance on his tongue. First shyly and then growing more and more confident Kenta reads line for line, page for page.
After three pages he stops and looks at Kim, still in a haze. “I’m proud of you”, Kim claims confidently and he is. He is so incredibly proud of Kenta. Not just for acquiring the language, but also finding the strength in him to use it like that.
“Your turn”, Kenta mutters and cuddles into the pillows. “You’re the best thing in my life”, Kim whispers in Korean. “Your smile is brighter than the sun and you’re prettier than the moon.” Kenta’s eyes never stray from his lips, obviously amazed by the sounds his boyfriend is making. “What does that mean?” He asks curiously but Kim just shakes his head. “Not telling.”
Following Kenta’s requests, Kim ends up telling him an entire story in Korean. Whenever Kim stops to ask if Kenta’s still alright hearing a language he doesn’t understand, Kenta simply encourages him to keep going until he eventually falls asleep to his story.
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“Tell me again what to do”, Kenta pleads as he carefully watches the bowl of flour on the table. Kim just chuckles as he sees the distraught on his boyfriend’s face and decides to show mercy. “You need to measure 150g sugar and combine it with the flour. You can use a spoon for that.” Kenta frowns adorably as he follows the instructions and measures the sugar to the exact right milligram. As instructed, he carefully mixes both ingredients until neither can tell where the sugar ends and the flour begins.
“Very good. Now add a teaspoon of baking soda, that’s approximately one packet. After that, add a little bit of salt and combine.” Kenta halts his action and looks doubtfully up at Kim. “Salt? Isn’t that supposed to be sweet?” Kim chuckles and nods. “You’re right. However, a bit of salt won’t make it salty. It’s just a bit to bring out the other flavours more.” Kenta still doesn’t look convinced but complies anyway.
“That only leaves the chocolate powder and the wet ingredients”, Kim explains as he points at the small bag of chocolate powder. “Try two big tablespoons.” Kenta growls in frustration as the two spoonfuls end up being different sizes as one has a large clump in it. “It’s okay, just stab i- KENTA! With the spoon”, Kim scolds as Kenta pulls out his knife. “Here, let me show you.”
Kim takes the spoon and pokes the clump with it a few times until it breaks down into smaller parts. “Like this”, he explains and passes the spoon back to Kenta. “It’s fine if there are smaller clumps but it’s better if it’s a powder.” Kenta nods and dutifully breaks down clump after clump.
They end up combining the wet ingredients without further incidents and the mixing of both goes smoothly as well. However, when Kim explains that the next step is to chop the chocolate bar into small pieces and add it to the dough, Kenta takes a step back.
“Are you sure you want to trust me with that?” Kenta asks, carefully petting on the knife in his pocket. His relationship with knives is quite complicated. His first instinct is still to grab his knife as it has been his closest companion for years, however the knowledge of everything he did with it still chips away at him. Kim just smiles and nods as he hands him a kitchen knife.
“Use this”, he presses a quick kiss on Kenta’s cheek, “you’re the person I trust most with knives.” Kenta does have to admit that it is quite cathartic to use a knife again for other reasons than inflicting pain on people. The chocolate is quickly chopped up and Kenta seems almost sad when Kim informs him that there’s no more chocolate that requires chopping. He does, however, make a mental note to get Kenta to chop the vegetables and other ingredients when he cooks the next time.
Kim takes over to grease the pan while Kenta combines his chocolate chips with the dough. A few minutes later, the cake is baking in the oven while the two men watch its progress. “Did you have fun baking your first cake?” Kim asks and Kenta nods. “Surprisingly, yes. Although”, he pauses for a second, “I’m not sure it’s because of the baking itself or you.” A faint blush spreads on his cheeks. Kim grins brightly upon seeing it and kisses him deeply.
“All that’s left to do is decorating”, Kim says as they pull the cake out of the oven. Kenta nods but eyes the ingredients for the decoration warily. “How?” Kenta asks and carefully grabs the sprinkles and food dye. “That’s the beauty of it. We can do whatever we want.” Kenta grimaces but nods once more.
“We’re gonna put the cake in the fridge to let it chill. Then we can make the buttercream. It’s best to do a base colour and then maybe one or two more for the decorations.” They do as Kim directs and soon after have a lot of light blue and less green and yellow buttercream. Under Kim’s instructions, Kenta smoothes the blue cream over the cake until they are both satisfied.
“Here, practice on that first”, Kim tells him as he pulls up a sheet of baking paper. Kenta nods, it’s probably for the best to not write immediately on the cake as this is his first ever attempt. Eventually, he gets the hang of it and moves on to the cake. After a few minutes of precise strokes, the cake finally reads ‘Happy Birthday Andy’.
“He’s gonna love it”, Kim comments and pats Kenta’s shoulder. “I hope so.” They end up drawing more little symbols and decorations on the cake using the left-over buttercream and decorate the cake with sprinkles. It’s the boy’s first birthday since moving in with Babe and Charlie and Kim decided it’s the perfect occasion for Kenta to learn how to bake a cake. And Kenta? Well, it’s not like Kenta can deny Kim a simple wish like that.
Andy does end up loving the cake. His friends, Zone and Tay, end up helping the kid to devour the cake and Kim can’t help but notice the small frown on Kenta’s face. Is his boyfriend upset that he didn’t get to try the cake? Kim makes a mental note of the potential sweet tooth his boyfriend is hiding.
They end up joining the other adults in the kitchen while the birthday boy and his friends play a fierce game of twister. They are chatting amongst themselves while observing the kids, until Andy runs over to them. “P’Kenta, can you please spin the board for us? I’m so sure Tay is cheating but I have no proof”, he whines and tugs on Kenta’s arm. The man seems a bit surprised but follows along nonetheless.
Kim keeps a careful eye on them, but it seems to be going pretty well. “What do I do?” Kenta asks upon being handed a board. “Here, you spin the finger and then call out what it lands on”, Andy explains and spins the finger once. “Like this. Now it says right hand on red. Tay! Right hand on red!” Andy’s friend dutifully follows the order and Andy grins before shoving the board back to Kenta. “Make sure no one cheats!” Enamoured, Kim watches as his boyfriend carefully spins the finger and calls out positions with increasing confidence.
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Kim doesn’t listen to Kenta’s protests as he drags him to the bar with him. The team is celebrating yet another win and Pete volunteered to watch over the kids so the group decided to go out together, much to the dismay of Kenta. Kim knows too well that Kenta would go anywhere for him so he agreed for both of them when North asked. Kenta can’t exactly say he’s been to many bars before but the concept of it doesn't seem too appealing.
Kim sits his grumbling boyfriend down in a booth together with Jeff, Charlie and Alan before he runs off with North, Sonic and Babe to get drinks. Even at the bar, Kim’s eyes never quite leave Kenta. Sure, he wants to enjoy the night and he wants his boyfriend to have fun as well but he doesn’t want to force Kenta. As much as he thinks the night out will be good for him, there is always the chance that he miscalculated.
However, most of his worries disappear as the four return with drinks and Kenta argues with Alan about some accounting issue. After learning how messily and unwillingly Alan runs the finances of the team, Kenta has swiftly taken over and thrives now in his new role. That, however, does not stop Alan from checking in constantly and, as far as Kim knows, saying stupid things on purpose to rile Kenta up. No one says it out loud so as to not scare Kenta away but he really is part of the group now.
It takes a bit of combined effort but finally they convince Kenta to drink an alcoholic beverage. Kim carefully watches the reaction of his boyfriend so that he can redirect their friends if necessary but it mostly seems like Kenta worries and overthinks everything. Only when Babe and Alan volunteer to not drink and drive everyone home afterwards, when he calls Pete and makes sure he wouldn’t need help with the kids and when he checks a third time that everyone is safe does he agree to try drinking a bit.
Kim makes sure his drink is relatively weak as Kenta never drank alcohol before and he doesn’t want to fill his boyfriend up on his first try. Soon, the atmosphere gets more relaxed and even noisier if that’s even possible. Kenta doesn’t seem as tense anymore, he happily chats with North and Sonic. Kim allows himself to take Charlie up on his conversation starters, all while keeping a watchful eye on Kenta, even if all of their friends tease him about it. How is he supposed to not worry?
Charlie’s distractions seem to be working a bit too well as Kenta is a lot more drunk than before when he looks over again. He’s showing something to Sonic on his phone and has a dopey smile on his face. He notices North taking a bunch of pictures and a few videos of Kenta and reminds himself to ask North for them later. He does wonder what Kenta is showing to Sonic though. He seems so clearly smitten with it.
“His eyes are so pretty”, Kenta slurs and seems to zoom in, “just look! There’s no one with prettier eyes than him. Look at the shape and the colour, just! His eyes!” Kenta shoves his phone into Sonic’s face as to really drive the point home. “But that’s not all”, Kenta continues in his intoxicated state. “His hair! You can’t touch, though! Only me! But it’s so soft, like a little cloud. A cloud of hair!” Curiously, Kim looks over to Kenta’s phone, only to see a picture of himself. True to his assumption, it’s obnoxiously zoomed in, yet Kim can’t help but be endeared.
Kenta goes on to describe his face shape, his warm hugs and goes on another rant about his hair. Sonic and North clearly are having the time of their lives watching his drunk boyfriend slur on and on about Kim. “And then there’s his lips! He’s such a good ki-”
“Alright”, Kim interrupts him. He really does not need the other guys to know about their more intimate lives. “Let’s get you home.” Kenta immediately latches onto him and smiles brightly. “Kimmy! Kim Kim Kimmy!” He cuddles up to Kim and pokes his cheek lightly. “So pretty. And smart. And handsome. And talented. The best. My Kimmy.” Kim flushes bright red and Alan finally decides to take mercy on them and drive them home.
In the car, Alan plays some music to which Kenta sways along while Kim tries to fight off his attempts to smother him in a big hug. As much as he loves Kenta’s touchy side he does not need Alan to witness it first hand. “Wanna dance with you”, Kenta whispers into Kim’s ear and Kim has to admit, the idea doesn’t sound that bad. In fact, the more he thinks about it the more he likes the idea.
When they finally enter their apartment - the thought makes Kim just a tiny bit giddy - and fight off Alan who insists on mother henning them, Kim quickly moves the couch a bit to give them a larger space. Then, he turns on his speakers.
“Dance with me, Kenny.” They clumsily wrap around each other and sway too slow to the music but neither cares. It’s messy and it’s chaotic and it’s not on beat and it’s perfect. It’s just the two of them and the music flowing through their bodies.
They sway back and forth, left and right and Kim has to stop them from toppling over more than once, yet he wouldn’t change a thing. Kenta is so lively and carefree, Kim wants to never let the moment pass. He’s not big on dancing and before that day, he didn’t think Kenta was either, yet allowing the music to take control of them in that way is more than comforting. Kenta’s arms around his waist and his own arms around Kenta’s neck hold them steadily, neither of them even thinks about letting go. The song changes and so does the tempo, yet neither of them attempts to move any differently.
In the morning, Kim wakes up with a fond smile and a message from Sonic on his phone. ‘We need to get your boyfriend to drink more often, he’s fun intoxicated!’ As much as he’d like to argue that Kenta is always fun, deep down he agrees with Sonic. He wants a million more nights like this.