Chapter Text
San was starting to grow frustrated as the time on his phone kept marching forward, like a depressing countdown that was slowly reducing the hours of actual sleep he’d been getting that night once again.
Insomnia wasn’t new to him, but it didn’t make the fact that he couldn’t get to sleep even with his body worn out from another day full of schedules any less frustrating.
It also didn’t help that none of the strategies he had gotten from therapy had been effective. He realized it was overly simplistic to see these tools like a checklist where if you followed it correctly you’d be asleep by the end of it every time, but as he finished his mediation practice and still felt wide awake he really wished that was how those things worked.
He sighed as he pushed himself out of bed. If all else failed, you just had to stop forcing it and stop attempting to sleep. At least that was what his therapist had said. This seemed a little counter intuitive to San, especially as the clock accusingly read 2:36AM, but nothing else worked so far and his therapist was usually pretty good at giving advice.
He briefly considered popping a sleeping pill, but he wanted to avoid a repeat of the situation that had happened last time he had taken some before an early schedule when Seonghwa had to physically haul him out of bed. The cold water Seonghwa had dumped on San to wake him that morning had been less icy than the atmosphere during the car ride that followed it.
He could do some work outs. Being able to do some whenever without having to go out was the convenience of the home gym he had gotten installed recently after all. But his body was actually truly exhausted and his muscles still ached from learning a complicated new choreography the day before.
He tossed that idea aside as well and got up to get himself a glass of water from the kitchen.
Byeol immediately came running, to rub against her daddy’s legs and get his attention. He kneeled down to pet her and she pressed her head into his palm.
“Hi, baby!” He sighed. She was so cute and her purring actually helped make him feel a bit better. “Would you like a treat?”
Byeol obviously didn’t respond, but he still pushed himself back up to get one of her treats from the pantry.
“You know sometimes I wonder, if I was meant to be a cat.” He kept talking to her.
“I mean I certainly could keep up with your sleep schedule.” San knew he must look like a complete crazy cat dad having a one sided conversation with his cat, while he was feeding her a packet of liquid tuna. Luckily no one was watching.
As Byeol finished her treat, San realized he was finally starting to get sleepy.
“Daddy’s going back to bed, Byeol. Do you wanna come with me?” He yawned and stretched on the way back to his room.
Byeol did follow him there, but turned back to the living room when she saw San getting into bed.
He plopped down on his bed and opened Spotify. Music was another thing that sometimes helped him fall asleep and he had recently discovered the Up-and-Coming Mix on there.
He liked that it helped him discover completely new artists and he also tended to have a pretty eclectic music taste which was also reflected in the list. Because he usually didn’t know any of the songs, it helped him focus on something other than his thoughts.
But what he liked most about the playlist, was how many small artists he could find on there. People that were very talented, but who hadn’t found their audience.
Sometimes, he wondered why it was different for him.
How he had earned himself millions of listeners around the world. Millions of people who heard him, his music, his message, when so many people were lost in the abyss. Singing with nobody to receive their song.
Even other idols, others that trained just as hard, maybe more for longer than San, and had more talent than him, could get lost in an oversaturated industry. They quietly debuted in groups from small companies and disappeared even more quietly some months, sometimes years later, wishing for just a crumb of San's success to keep them going.
What had San done that set him apart? Had a supportive dad? Lucky timing? A company that held a majority of the market share?
Did he even deserve it? Maybe this was not the train of thoughts to follow at night if he wanted to fall asleep, not stay awake plagued by guilt.
Stop. He told himself and took some deep breaths. He turned on his playlist and closed his eyes.
…
What had he just been thinking about? He had forgotten his last thought and he slowly realized he must have drifted off for a couple of minutes at least because he didn't recognize the song that was just ending.
A new song started. This one was more rocky than the last few. It started with a pretty long instrumental which sounded like it consisted of just guitar and drums. It wasn't a particularly complicated beat, but San liked it. It felt like music, the way he imagined music must’ve been invented. People repeating rhythms because it was fun and because it sounded cool.
Then someone started singing. And San held his breath. The voice scratched at San's heart in his head, asking to be let in, while already settling down in there.
The singer’s voice wasn't perfect. He could hit his notes and hold a tone, but it was clear he wasn’t trained and if he had San's vocal coach he would pick apart his technique.
But San didn’t mind it. In fact he thought he probably preferred it that way.
There was a quality to this voice that San couldn't pin down. He wanted to know the person this voice belonged to. Wanted to know what his voice sounded like when he wasn't singing. When he was talking, whispering, joking.
It was an odd sensation, this yearning for someone he didn't know.
On the one hand, San had always had an admiration for musicians, people who were masters in their craft. They were the reason he had dreamed of becoming an idol in the first place. To him it was clear that this person was exactly such a person. It took talent to reach out to people through nothing, but your voice. To come alive through the speaker and convince the listener that you were real. Such a thing was harder than just having a good voice and making a catchy song.
On the other hand, that was where San's reaction differed from his usual response to an artist's artistic talent. While usually he might be inspired by someone, it didn’t feel like this. Not like a flutter of hope and nerves. Not like the feeling of having met someone who would change your life.
This… This felt a lot more like a crush.
Another, slightly deeper voice joined in. The two voices worked well together. The new voice naturally harmonizing and backing up the first one. Both voices seemed stronger together while the background vocals neither overpowered nor got drowned out by the lead singer.
If anything the first voice seemed even more strong and playful now that the second singer joined. And… Another feeling touched San’s heart. It wasn’t jealousy exactly, but determination to experience this in person. He wanted to meet the people who made this music. Wanted to know what they looked like, if this chemistry they had while playing existed in the real world.
And he knew he would do whatever it took for a chance to sing with this guy, To see if they too could form a bond through a song. He wanted to look into his eyes as they sang to see if maybe there was a chance he wasn’t alone with this. This. Whatever it was.
The group’s name was Halazia. He opened the bands Spotify page and was disappointed to see that they had only a couple hundred monthly listeners. The album he was listening to was from two years ago and it was self-titled and the only album listed.
He scoured the internet for any more information on Halazia. But it was like the group didn't exist.
San briefly thought he made a breakthrough when he found a YouTube channel by someone called Yeonjun Choi which seemed to have uploaded all the audios of the songs he also found on Spotify, but quickly realized there was nothing else there.
Yeonjun. He wondered if that was his mystery singer.
It didn’t matter. He would find out. He would search for him until he did
San was determined. And there was no bigger force than San’s determination.
When San finally feel asleep that night, he dreamt he found him.
*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'♪'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*
November 17th, the day of Wooyoung's brother's wedding, happened to coincide with the first day of snow that year. While likely nothing else could've been more romantic, it also meant that Seoul's traffic, which tended to be bad on an average day, got significantly worse as everyone collectively seemed to forget how to drive as soon as the first speck of white appeared in the sky.
While this lead to some chaos with late arrivals, a few outright last minute cancellations, and the best man getting into a slight accident on the way to the wedding, the newlyweds seemed to be glowing throughout the entire day.
Wooyoung couldn't be happier for his brother, who was in as many ways like him as they were different. But one thing they both had in common was that they tended to love hard. They wanted to be liked, but the didn’t know how to be loved and Wooyoung had seen his brother’s previous relationships fail, when he was too scared to open his heart fully to let in someone else.
But not with his wife, Mijoo. Mijoo was insistent with her love and tricked Wooyoung’s older brother into accepting it so easily that one could forget he ever struggled with it.
Their love was balanced and mature in its reciprocal nature.
When Wooyoung looked at them it made him wonder if such a love was reserved for him somewhere too. If someone would ever look at him like they would bring him the stars if he asked. He hoped there was.
Well today was the day was to celebrate their love and Wooyoung didn't know why, but his brother had asked Halazia to be the band at their wedding.
Wooyoung had explained that that wasn't really the type of music Halazia made and that they should hire someone who knew what they were doing instead of his little brother's amateur band that he made in high school when most of them barely knew how to play an instrument and their voices had just overcome the highs and lows of their voices breaking.
But his hyung had insisted and Halazia had accordingly spent the next few months studying songs other people wrote and that were suited to a traditional wedding. Wooyoung was surprised how willingly all of his members had accepted this, given that most of the songs weren’t really the genre they preferred and they weren't exactly being paid for the gig (except for in excellent catering), but he suspected that it had to do with the fact, that like him, they were honored to be considered good enough for such an event.
And now it was the day and they had spent the last 45 minutes trying to get the energy up and to get people out on the dance floor.
So far the performance had gone well, and Wooyoung had to admit that even though they were playing other people's music, there was something exciting about standing on an actual stage for once. The mood today felt different from their rehearsals and in fact it felt like the group was playing better than when they practiced. It was like having an audience made them more confident when they were playing.
Now that is was time to announce the last song however, Wooyoung was nervous.
This song was special. It was the only song that evening that was original.
He had written it about the married couple for the married couple and it had to be perfect.
When he announced that the next song was self-composed and who it was meant for the crowd who had been chattering turned their attention to the stage.
Wooyoung saw his brother who looked surprised, but excited. Then Mingi gave them four and Wooyoung focused on the song alone.
As soon as they were done and started packing up their instruments, Mijoo came up the stairs to the stage, looking like an angel in her white gown.
“That was beautiful, Wooyoung-ah”, she told him. She was beaming.
“Thank you.” Wooyoung inclined his head. He rarely got shy, but hearing that compliment from his sister in law was such a moment.
“It was so sweet. I teared up. My friends said they were jealous they didn’t have a wedding song and I told them I just got a uniquely amazing brother in law.” Mijoo grinned.
“Be careful, my brother might get jealous if you compliment me much more.” Wooyoung joked. It really was easy to like her.
“No, I think he agrees with me.” Then turning to the rest of the members as well she said: “My husband”, Wooyoung didn’t miss the pride in her voice, “is locked into a conversation with my uncles, but I wanted to thank you for doing this for us.”
“It was our pleasure.” Yunho said formally and the other two agreed with equal formality.
“I should get going now. But maybe we’ll see each other again sometime this evening” She pat Wooyoung on the shoulder and nodded to the others, before she left.
Yeosang sidled up to Wooyoung. “See, I told you they’d love it.”
“I wasn’t nervous.”
“Sure, I must’ve imagined you seeing you sweating from stress then.” Yeosang teased.
"Did you see that handsome man in the back who was watching the entire time we were playing?" Mingi called as he caught up to them while they were climbing off the stage.
"What if he was a CEO of some record label and he wants to sign us?" Wooyoung had barely had time to take a sip of his water, but Mingi made him choke on it.
"What guy? Are you so desperate to be famous that you're hallucinating now?" He laughed.
“Of course you would have issues with wanting to be famous, Wooyoung-ah” Yunho teasingly came to the defense of his best friend. “With your hipster tendencies.”
Yeosang giggled. “Yeah, Wooyoung wants us to stay underground, but he doesn’t understand that to stay underground you at least need to be underground.”
Wooyoung shot his best friend a glare. Traitor.
"Anyway, I'm not desperate, the guy is real. A tall guy, longish black hair, kind of angry eyebrows. Kinda looks like he'd be your type actually." Mingi came close and wiggled his eyebrows at Wooyoung.
"I'm not going to pick someone up at my brother's wedding."
"Cool! So can I have him then?" Mingi grinned.
"You can't have a person." Yeosang replied at the same time as Wooyoung said "Fine, as long as he's not one of my brother's guests. I don't want you to get involved with anyone I might potentially related to."
“Why not? That would be so fun. Don’t you want to be in the same family as your best friend?”
“Yeosang is my best friend.” Wooyoung retorted and Mingi pouted.
Yunho punched Mingi’s arm. “You have me.”
Yeosang rolled his eyes at his friends’ antics. “You guys can’t even behave at a wedding.”
Wooyoung decided to get back on topic. “Where is that guy? I want to see how bad Mingi’s taste is.”
Mingi poked out his tongue at him, but answered. “He’s close to the exit. Next to the fairy light tree.”
Wooyoung turned to look and caught the guy looking in their direction, before less than smoothly pretending that he hadn’t been watching them. Huh, maybe Mingi had been right. Not about the CEO stuff, but maybe he really had been watching their set.
Mingi was also right about his looks. He was very attractive. His face could have seemed severe with intense eyebrows and eyes, but he was too pretty to be truly intimidating. He looked like model. Although, Wooyoung thought with his all black outfit he looked a bit like a waiter.
“Do you see him?” Mingi whispered.
“Yeah. He’s pretty.” Wooyoung agreed.
Yunho checked as well. “Hm. But I still think Yeosang is prettier.”
Mingi shook his head. “Yeah, but Yeosang’s Yeosang.” Yeosang made an indignant noise or maybe it was shock about Yunho’s comment.
Then Mingi turned to Wooyoung. “Could you please get me his number… You owe me for that time I pretended to be your boyfriend to get that guy to back off.”
“That was just basic human decency and now you want something in return? Typical.” Wooyoung laughed.
“Please~” Mingi gave him his best puppy expression, even though he should know by now that all of his band mates were immune to it. If anyone asked Wooyoung he would say that his puppy look had probably never worked on anyone, but Mingi still kept trying.
Wooyoung looked across the room. The guy was still standing there, but this time he seemed focused on the crowd of guests.
“Fine. I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything.”
“Yes!” Mingi held out his fist for a fist bump, which Wooyoung deliberately ignored.
Crossing the dance floor was easier said than done and even though Wooyoung tried to stay on the outside of it he still had to push past some people. It was only a matter of time until he ran into somebody. Which of course he promptly did.
“Sorry,” Wooyoung and the person he had walked into exclaimed at once. Wooyoung bowed and he was going to duck past the man, but then he looked up and froze.
The guy was about his age, and when Wooyoung made eye contact he smiled. His smile confirmed what Wooyoung already expected. He had just run into his dream guy at his brother’s wedding.
Wooyoung didn’t even know he had a dream guy before this. A type, maybe. But this guy was more than just his type.
He was slightly taller, but a lot broader than Wooyoung. Meanwhile his face was what five year old Wooyoung would’ve drawn, if he had to draw Prince Charming.
A smile with dimples, the kindest eyes, a perfect nose.
And then that same man grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the people. Which sounded a lot more romantic than it was.
Wooyoung was so utterly surprised that he didn't really struggle, while he was essentially being kidnapped.
Dream guy, who he might've given that title prematurely, only let go once they reached the restroom and he had locked the door.
Not just a stall door. The door to the entire restroom.
Fuck anyone who had to use the bathroom, Wooyoung thought. Then again that might be to considerate to expect from someone who had essentially kidnapped him.
"What the fuck?" Wooyoung cursed as he pulled away and he saw the guy cringe out of the corner of his eye.
At least Wooyoung was being held hostage in a nice place.
The restroom had marble floors and walls and the decorators had continued the flower decor from the outside in here as well. There were some nice big mirrors over the multiple sinks and the light was bright but not blinding.
It was also significantly more quiet in here.
"Does this usually work for you?" He challenged.
It wasn't that he minded being dragged off to the bathroom by this handsome stranger, but in his opinion banter was just as important in foreplay as kissing and so he couldn't let this man get away with this particular behavior without some teasing.
"Dragging people into bathrooms without proper introduction?" Maybe he could get a name out of it too.
"I'm really sorry..." The guy seemed genuine enough and his shy expression was a stark contrast to his build. "Crowds can be a bit difficult for me sometimes."
A socially awkward himbo? This was really going to awaken something in Wooyoung.
"My name is San. Choi San" San smiled, even though it seemed like he wasn't quite sure how to behave in the situation he himself had created.
So maybe it really wasn't a regular thing for him to do. Maybe Wooyoung was special. Wooyoung almost blushed at the thought.
"There we go~ Next time start with your name. I'm Wooyoung by the way." He felt his heart flutter, but it probably had nothing to do with the way the guy's, San's, smile deepened when he introduced himself.
"Nice to meet you!" San exclaimed. So he did have some manners at least.
To distract himself from the odd feeling and to keep the conversation going as it seemed that San wasn't going to keep talking by himself Wooyoung continued. "Maybe we just start over. So San-ah! Who invited you here?"
San who had started too slowly look less on edge since they had entered the bathroom immediately looked guilty again. "Well... I wasn't really on the guest list."
Wooyoung blinked. This guy kept throwing him curve balls. He considered whether he was in danger, but figured if he did have bad intentions he would've kept the fact that he was uninvited secret. "Huh what are you doing here then?"
"This is going to sound weird, but I'm here to find you..." Huh?
"You're right it does sound weird."
Either San had already grown accustomed to Wooyoung's constant comments or he simply wanted to get through this quickly, but he kept going like there hadn't been an interruption.
"I found your band online, but you didn't have an email listed. Not even an Instagram account, but I really wanted to talk to you about something so when I found out you were going to be playing here, I had to come."
"So you're a groupie? Not gonna lie, you'd be our first one too, congrats."
San looked halfway between laughing and crying. "No, no! I'm not- Well not really. I'm also a musician and I was hoping we could collab or something, but I didn't fully think this through."
Wooyoung couldn't help but laugh. This guy was so cute. It was a miracle to him how someone that handsome could exude so much nerdy-shy-boy-asking-his-crush-to-the-dance energy. No way this guy didn't have people chasing after him all the time.
And even though this was probably the weirdest way anyone had ever tried to flirt with Wooyoung, he wanted to keep talking to San.
So he asked. "Oh you make music? What kind of stuff do you do?"
"I mainly sing... I play some piano too, but I think I'm rusty now. But I just-" San was interrupted by his phone ringing. He muttered something under his breath that sounded like a curse to Wooyoung's ears and clicked the call away, but a second later a string of texts appeared on his phone and San frowned.
"I have to leave."
Oh... "Oh." Wooyoung tried to hide the disappointment in his voice. That was too fast.
"But... I meant what I said. I would love to work with you. Because... when I listened to your music, I felt a connection. To what you were saying and..." San stopped himself. Wooyoung who had been listening with more rapture than he wanted to admit almost cursed. There was clearly something more to that sentence, why did San have to stop oversharing at that moment.
San cleared his throat. "I really like Good Lil' Boy it sounds like you're having fun there". And then he grabbed Wooyoung's arm for a second time this day. Not harshly just pulling it towards him.
Before Wooyoung had time to react or argue San had pulled out a sharpie from somewhere and started pushing Wooyoung's sleeve back.
Only then did Wooyoung manage to protest with an unconvincing. "Hey!"
Since when was he so uncool? He was the lead singer in a band, he shouldn't just let people to whatever they wanted, because they wanted to.
Despite the weakness of his protest, San stopped with the Sharpie midair, still holding Wooyoung's wrist just enough to keep it lifted.
That was the moment San's phone began ringing again. He sighed. But this time he didn't press the call away. He looked up at Wooyoung from where he was slightly bent over with the sharpie. "Let me just give you my number. That way you can text me and if you don't want to... I promise I will not attend any other weddings in search of you."
Wooyoung bit his lip to hold back a smile at the unexpected joke, but he nodded. "Go ahead then~ Seems like there's something urgent."
San didn't hesitate and started scribbling a number. Then he quickly, almost automatically signed his name underneath it and before Wooyoung knew it, he was at the door, his phone still ringing in his pocket.
He was about to slip out of the room, but turned back one more time.
"Please let me see you again." He looked right into Wooyoung's eyes as he said it and the word San had used earlier when talking about Halazia's music came back to Wooyoung. Connection.
Then San was gone and the ringing disappeared with him.
---
Wooyoung enjoyed the rest of the wedding. He danced with his little brother who also tried to get him to participate in some TikTok dance challenge which Wooyoung adamantly refused. He hung out with Halazia and listened to Mingi whining about the fact that he messed up his chances with the hot record label CEO (he had disappeared somewhere by the time Wooyoung left the restroom) until he told the story about what happened. Hearing that they had a fan cheered Mingi up and Yunho found San's approach hilarious (Wooyoung emitted some details, like the San's name and that he wanted to collaborate). He drank until he got overly affectionate and Yeosang had to ply him off people, which only worked because Wooyoung just started clinging onto Yeosang instead until it was time to go home.
But the entire time, San wouldn't leave his mind. It was like he was enchanted and all the weird contradictions of San's appearance just seemed to intrigue him more.
When he awoke late midday, yawning and stretching, his eyes were automatically drawn to where San had left his number and his pretty signature.
He would definitely text him. Not right away, that would seem desperate, but soon enough that San would not have time to forget about him yet.
But before that he could indulge in a little online stalking. Granted, he didn't have a lot of information to go on, but that had never stopped him in the past. He was amazing at finding people based on little to no information thanks to sheer boredom and his weakness when it came to ignoring what certain ex-friends were up to.
Not bothering to get out of bed first, Wooyoung opened Naver. When he typed in Choi San, he half expected to be greeted by pictures of mountains and maybe a couple linked-in profiles. What he did not expect, was for the first thing to pop up to be a wiki article. Accompanied by pictures, of exactly the same man who he had run into at his brother's wedding yesterday. Even though here, he had different colored hair in some pictures. From bright red to blonde. And he also looked younger in some. That must've been before he started working out and he was smaller still with a softer face and a head that seemed slightly to big for his shoulder. But still, it was undeniable.
Even though they had only met once, Wooyoung knew he would recognize San anywhere. And this, somehow, was him. He willed himself to read the wiki.
Choi San, better known by the mononym San, is a singer and actor under KQ Entertainment. He was born July 10,1999. He made his debut as a singer in 2014, with his first single album "Searching4U"…
Wooyoung stopped reading.
He had to call Yeosang.