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Chapter Text

Hakoda was there with his wife when she gave birth to their first child. The spirits had blessed him with a son. But the boy was sickly, the healers said he wouldn't make the night, so he prayed for the child's health.

The moon was bright that night, so large in the sky that it looked like it could touch earth. It's light was bright, almost impossibly so, as is reflected of of the ocean, basking his son in it's silver light. Hakoda looked at the dying boy in his arms, and back at the moon. Then, he made a decision that would change his life, and spare his son's.

He lowered the boy into the water.

The moon's light grew, and the water around the boy rippled shallowly, in rhythm with his breathing. Silver-white - the color of the moon's light - spilled through the boy's hair like ink, and his skin turned the color of the snow. The ripples grew stronger, and the boy opened his eyes. They were red. Hakoda's son lived. His name was Tobirama.

When Tobirama was two, he got a younger brother. His name was sokka. The boy - even as an infant - had a certain charm to him. One that all of their friends, family, and even a two-year-old Tobirama fell victim to.

When Tobirama was four, he got a younger sister. Even as an infant, she was stubborn, but in the most endearing way.

Tobirama loves his siblings, their bright smiles and their sparking eyes.

When Tobirama was six, he was already able to outwit the 12-year-olds in the village. He was observant, scarily so, and he had a thirst for knowledge. One that his parents found very hard to keep up with.

When Tobirama was eight, water began to move as if it's only purpose was to serve him. Tiny dragons and butterflies would fly around as Tobirama grinned as his siblings' joy.

When Tobirama was 10, Hakoda took him hunting for the first time. The boy found where the reindeer-seals came up for air quickly enough. Before two hours has passed, the boy had set one of the best traps Hakoda had seen in anyone younger than 20. Needless to say, the tribe ate well that night. Since then, Tobirama would hunt alone.

When Tobirama was 12, the last raid in the southern water tribe hit. His mother was killed. Maybe, he could have helped, but, he was out hunting that day. When Tobirama was 12, he learned of the war.

Tobirama hates war (he did before, too. But he doesn't remember. Not yet). He hates seeing graves ( especially the small ones. Thankfully, he doesn't remember seeing any that size). He hates senseless fighting and death (he always did. Just like before, weather he means to or not, he'll do anything to protect his family).

When Tobirama was 16, his father went to war. Tobirama went with him. He stood out amongst his tribesmen, who all had dark hair and skin with bright blue eyes, but he was one of them. Every one of the tribesmen would cut down anyone who said otherwise.

Not three months later, their fleet would be ambushed by fire nation soldiers. Tobirama was singled out, three sharp plumes of fire aimed directly at his face. The water tribe wine the skirmish, but Hakoda had to rush his son to a village where there was a healer, one with capabilities beyond first-aid. Tobirama ended up on Kyoshi Island, and there he stayed for many weeks in his unconscious state.

His father and his fleet had to move on.

During his unconscious, Tobirama remembered. He was Tobirama; the second Hokage and the demon of the Senju. But he was also Tobirama; the son of chief Hakoda. They were the same person. The same person that could summon a water dragon from the air and pull blood from the bodies of his enemies. The same person that detested war and who wanted to protect his younger siblings. This time, there would be no early graves.

When Tobirama awoke, he was met with his memory, his will, and his father's letter.

Chapter Text

Son-

It pains me to leave you here, especially so soon after your injury. However, General Fong grows impatient. I know how you hate to stay in one place for too long and that you've wished to see the world since you were a boy, so we will not be returning to Kiyoshi Island for you. You're free to travel the world as you like, I don't want to hold you back - just please stay there until you're healed - and promise me that one day, you'll find your way back to your family.

I love you.

-Dad

This was the letter Tobirama woke to, and, despite being able to remember everything from his past life now, he couldn't help but think of Hakoda as his father. 

Well, he supposed it's all he can do to heed his father's words. For the meantime, he'll stay on Kyoshi Island, maybe conduct an experiment or two on chi and bending abilities.

As it turns out, chi is quite similar to chakra. It flows through everything as the source of all life. Chi pathways were even the same as chakra pathways, though the former is a good deal easier to block. Unfortunately though, a person's chi is limited to one element. Good news though, when combining his own chi with natural chi, Tobirama could walk on walls and water - though the latter could likely be achieved via water bending - and he even retained his natural sensing ability.

The island is nice enough, and the people are friendly. They've even got a land-based military unit, called the Kyoshi Warriors, who are a lot of fun to spar with. Tobirama's personal favorite is one of the younger girls still in training, a gifted child named Suki. She's 13 years old, and a true prodigy in combat. Tobirama - thank his love for children - decided to take the hardheaded little girl under his wing. On an unrelated note, apparently even non-benders can access natural chi to do the more simple things like walk on trees or water.

"Here, Suki, try to focus on that energy. Bring it to the soles of your feet,"

"Like this?" 

"That feels about right. Now try to walk up that tree,"

"I don't think I have the core strength to keep me perpendicular to the tree, even if this does work,"

Tobirama paused, he hadn't considered how that worked before. This was something anyone in his old world could learn, regardless of strength. Maybe it was closer to something that altered ones relative gravity instead of simply adhering them to the surface? It'll require some more experimentation. But for now....

"It should be fine, just try,"

"Like this...?"

"Yeah,"

"Wholly shit,"

"Yeah, language,"

"I'm standing if the side of a fucking tree,"

"Language, and just don't-"

"Ow,"

".....slip....."

"That hurt like a bitch,"

"Language,"

"That's what you're worried about? Not the bruise the size of Ba-Sing-Se on my a-"

"Ahem,"

"....my butt,"

Tobirama didn't know how he ended up here. Sure, he's worn the uniform of the Kyoshi Warriors more times than he could count, with no particular reservation, but how - excuse his language - the fuck did he end up in a spirit forsaken corset? 

The cause of his plight was currently rolling on the floor in laughter, "Tobi- oh Tui and La, you look lovely! You could pass for a noblewomen at this rate!"

Tobirama, who was currently dressed in many layers of insufferable silk and hair ornaments, did not look amused, "Suki, I swear, once I can bloody breathe again, I'm going to feed you to the unagi,"

It was at this moment that Hua decided to step in. The esteemed leader of the Kyoshi Warriors had an unreadable expression on her face, "Suki, Tobirama, what the fuck?"

That seemed to sober the 13-year-old menace up, "He- hello ma'am. Tobi was just..... Teaching be about disguise and infiltration! Yeah, that!"

Hua arched a brow, turning to Tobirama, who then replied, "Miss Hua, I request that you save me. For the past three hours, this diabolical underling of yours had been torturing me ruthlessly,"

Hua proceeded to leave.

The evil child looked back at her mentor, a concerning grin on her face.

Tobirama cursed.

Once more, Tobirama was in a situation he doesn't know how he found himself in. At this point, he considering saying "Fuck you" to his moral code.

What, you may ask, is going on? Well, Tobirama had lost a bet to Suki - she mastered the new kata three weeks before he thought she would - who demanded he spar with the unagi for a full hour for losing said bet. 

With a flick of his wrist, a water dragon only a little smaller than the unagi itself rose from the water as he tried to get behind the massive serpent all while avoiding it's thrashing tail. The two large water serpents collided - it way totally on accident that Suki got drenched on the sidelines - and Tobirama used the spray as cover to perch on the unagi's head.

His being relatively drained from the past half hour of whatever he had just endured, Tobirama delivered a swift kick to the massive creature's spinal cord - only enough to knock it out, not kill it - as his own water dragon melted back into the ocean.

Tobirama jumped down from the collapsing creature and marched past Suki, bending all of the water off of him and onto her. 

He smirked.

She screeched. 

Chapter Text

The first time Firelord Ozai saw his oldest child, the boy had just turned three. Ursa had named the child Madara or something, not that Ozai particularly cared. The boy looked every ounce fire nation as an heir should, except for those damned eyes of his. The wretched child's eyes were black as night, none of the gold or even bronze or copper that should be there. No, none of that. Just an all-consumimg black.

It was then that Ozai decided to kill the child, despite Ursa's disgusting screams. The moment he brought a flaming hand towards the boy, however, the cursed thing's eyes changed. Deep, rich red spilled into his irises, and three black tomoe spun eeriely as the child glared into his soul. A sign from agni himself.

Ozai froze, flames flickering in the wretched child's eyes before extinguishing entirely. He turned on his heel and left. The child may be useless as an heir, but surely he'll be of some use to his next child.

Ursa loved Madara, she really did, but ever since that day he seemed different. Like he knew more than he should. Then there were those eyes. Normally, they're a deep black, the kind of black that seems to hold the universe - maybe it did - but then they would turn red. The red of rubies, of the fire nation, of blood. Then, like swirls of spilled ink, three black tomoe would spin lazily. 

When his eyes turned like this, he never seemed to miss anything. He seemed to know things before they would happen. It scared her. She knew she shouldn't fear her own son, but at times she couldn't help it. The boys eyes, they were like a demon's, and his affinity for fire was truly terrifying. Not that she ever let Ozai learn about it, not with what he would do to her beautiful son.

There wasn't anyone in the world that Zuko loved more than his big brother. He was soooooo smart, he knew everything! He taught Zuko how to be really quiet and sneak around without anyone noticing, and how to swordfight too! He would sit down and teach him how to make tea and play pai-sho with Uncle - but big brother was always more interesting than Uncle. He gave better gifts too.

Zuko wasn't a stupid kid, he knew how they were in a war, and how that war had lasted almost 100 years. He also knew how Madara hated the war. One day, Zuko worked up the courage to ask Madara why. He sat Zuko down next to him and said, "Do you know why we fight, little brother?"

Zuko recited what all of his tutors had told him, "We're fighting because we want to share the glory of the fire nation with everyone else, but the water tribes are savages who don't like our civilized ways, the earth kingdom is just a bunch of barbarians who look for any excuse to fight, and the air nomads wanted us dead,"

Madara smiled sadly, "No, Zuko. You can't repeat anything I tell you, but I want you to know. Nothing you know about the other three nations is true. We only say that to justify killing them. All war is, is a bunch of meaningless death to fuel someone's selfish desires. Tell me Zuko, if a spirit came to us one day and told us that we were pitiful and weak, that we must serve it and obey it's every command if we wished to live, what would you do?"

Zuko thought for a long time. When he didn't answer, Madara ruffled his hair and walked away.

Azula was never really sure what to think of her oldest brother. He was strong and smart enough, sure, but he was just..... odd. She supposed she tolerated him because he taught her quite a few fire bending forms that not even father knew. On the condition the she never told, of course. 

The more time she spent with her big brother, the more she began to actually care for him. It was odd. He didn't hold her to impossible standards, yet he never underestimated her. He didn't tolerate needless violence, but never treated her any different when she had an outburst. At one point, he had gotten her a birthday gift - not that it was unusual for him, no he never forgot her birthday, but this gift in particular stuck with her for many many years - it was a hair pin, fit for someone if her status. It was beautiful, spun glass that looked like fire and fine gold. The best part was that it housed a three inch long blade.

That was the thing about Madara, he thought about her. Not as a little girl or as a princess, but as Azula. She thinks that's why it hurt so much when he faked his death.

At least, it had to be faked.

There's no way he could've died.

Never.

Madara hated Ozai with a passion that only an Uchiha could possess. Yes, he realized that the whole Zetsu bullshit ordeal was a pretty jerk move, but in his defense, he wasn't in control. Ozai, however, is just an asshole. Like, hell, he thought the Senju-Uchiha war was bad. This was in a whole different level.

Fucking genocide!?

Unfortunately, kin-slaying is one of the worst crimes an Uchiha could commit. Besides, he's not the frosty bastard, he does have that damn mad scientist knack for experimentation, so he's pretty much limited to fire, his three-tomoe sharingan and nothing else. Could be worse.

Although, if he ever did see that stupid snowflake again, Madara supposes he'd owe him an apology before begging for his stupidly clever brain to come up with a way to fix everything. But seriously, what are the chances that the Senju was reincarnated as well? If he were, he'd probably be water tribe. Actually, Madara did hear a rumor that the northern tribe had a white-haired princess. Wouldn't that be ironic.

He'll deal with that later though. As of right now, Madara could only think of one way to resolve this without resorting to kin-slaying. Unfortunately, it involves faking his death and leaving his siblings behind.

Leaving those two felt like tearing his heart from his chest. He loves them, so much. He'd already lost Izuna - yes, he understands now that the Senju Demon wasn't given a choice, it was war - and he couldn't bear to lose those two as well. They may hate him for it, but if it ment they got to see peace, he'd do anything.

The night he left, he left a pair of dao swords in Zuko's room, and a couple of hand-drawn fire bending scrolls in Azula's.

He's going to miss them. One day, he'll find them again, though.

But for now, it's time to fuck up a shitty fire army.

Chapter Text

It was about 10 in the morning, and Suki was currently panting with sweat dripping down her face. Tobirama - how was he not sweaty? They've been sparring for hours - adjusted her stance, bringing her center of gravity a bit higher and had her relax a few muscles while bracing others. 

"Your stance seems to be based of of an earth bender's." he'd said, cooling her down with some water from a nearby stream before bending it off of her and returning it to said stream, "While that's not inherently bad, without the earth bending to augment it, someone with a more agile fighting style could easily overrun you. While being grounded is good, you need to be able to move quickly. I'm not going to ask you to change your entire style, just alter it a bit to aid with mobility,"

That was the thing with Tobirama. He could even teach people twice his age, yet he never made anyone feel lesser for it. When he taught someone, he adapted his teaching style instead of expecting his student to adapt how they learned. Suki supposes that that's why a majority of the Kiyoshi Warriors are able to fight on walls. The elder nearly had a heart attack when he found out.

Tobirama always did what he genuinely thought was best. 99% of the time, Tobirama is right. For this reason, Suki did as instructed with a nod and a determined smile, "Yes, sir!"

By lunch, she was able to last a full minute against him. Although, she's not entirely sure he's 100% human with how fast he moves. She asked about it one day, and understood maybe a tenth of what he said. Suki is pretty sure he said something about manipulating the water in his body to increase his physical ability or something like that. 

Yeah.

She'll stick to her "Tobirama is secretly a spirit" theory. It's easier.

There's only a few things Hua knows about the kid the water tribe chieftain dropped of all those months ago. Though she'll never admit it, Hua was wary of Tobirama at first. The boy just seemed to quit and aloof. It only took a week or two to realize the kid was just unbelievably awkward. Once the realization hit - for everyone, not just Hua - it was only a matter of days before Tobirama and her Kyoshi Warriors got attached to each other. The kid practically claimed Suki as his protege/little sister. 

Though Suki's case was the most extreme, Tobirama spent a lot of time with the other warriors as well. Hua had damn nearly fainted  when she saw them sparring on tree branches. Upsidedown. Suki even had a "mysterious" breakthrough with her combat forms not long ago. Not hard to guess who's behind that. She'd even walked in on the girl harassing him into a dress she'd stolen from a bitchy passing noblewomen.

Although, beyond his apparent love for teaching, Hua noticed something else about the boy. He would get these certain look whenever one of the girls would fawn over a new weapon, or beat up a sexist traveler, or wrap a friend's wounds. It was.....

Sad.

Logically, Hua knew the boy had family back in the South Pole, but the kind of longing he seemed to express didn't really feel the same. Like he missed something that didn't exist. Every time Hua saw it, it was like a punch to the gut. Because, weather she ment to or not, she found herself caring for the boy, almost like a little cousin.

Hua also knew that the kid planned to leave after he got to celebrate Suki's 14th birthday. His burns were completely healed - the three vicious red lines burned into his face sometimes seemed more like war paint than scars - but he promised Suki he'd stay until then. Hua had seen Tobirama stay up late making Suki's gift, modified versions of her fans. Modified versions that just so happened to include a borderline ridiculous amount of blades and some tiny spring-loaded mechanism that could launch said blades hard enough to piece armor. Lunatic inventor. Their lunatic inventor.

Things Hua knows about Tobirama (revised):

1. He's not cold, just awkward
2. He loves kids
3. He loves teaching said kids
4. He misses something (someone?) greatly
5. He's probably the most clever and thoughtful person there is, even without meaning to be
6. He's maybe insane 

Suki's 14th birthday is approaching. Tobirama is happy for her, he is, but he knows he's going to miss her. Stupid bets and stolen corsets included. He knows he can't take the girl with him, it'd be too dangerous for her. Or, maybe it's more selfishness than anything. Tobirama knows that she can more than handle herself, and that she'd come with him if he asked. However, he's come to think of the girl like a younger sister, and he doesn't think he could survive seeing one more undersized grave. Besides, she has bonds here, making her choose would be cruel.

Unfortunately for all parties involved, shinobi instincts don't let him stay in one place for too long. It's already to the point that he can hardly sleep at night. Though he will come back here one day, he knows that much.

On the day of Suki's birthday, he hands her the box containing those fans he spent so long making for her. He hopes they'll serve her well. They have to.

Suki lifted the lid to the pine box - one that Tobirama had carved himself - and he studied her face. She lit up - metaphorically speaking, of course, it'd be mildly concerning if she actually started glowing, you know? - and caught Tobirama in a bone-crushing hug.

"Thank you, Tobi!" The girl squealed into his ear.

Tobirama laughed, patting her on the back, "You're welcome. Just... don't stab anyone who doesn't deserve it, got it?"

She squinted, looking up at him, "What counts as 'deserving it'?"

He shrugged, "You can figure that out. I trust your moral compass more than my own anyway,"

Suki promptly decked him. Very affectionately, one might add.

The next morning, Suki, Hua, the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors, and every child in the village tackled Tobirama in a hug. He promised that he'd see them again, and said that if he didn't, he'd expect them to track him down and throw every sandal on the island at him.

Suki laughed.

Hua did not. She took off her shoe instead.

Tobirama blanched.

Three hours later, Tobirama - and his little wooden boat - came into a neutral port. He'd miss them, yes, but now he could see the world, learn more about it, and drop kick anyone who got in the way.

First, he decided, was to wander the market. He was browsing a lovely tea selection - oh how he'd kill for some jasmine or sencha - when an old man with a cordial yet powerful air came up next to him, looking through the tea selection as well.

"Oh, what do you have there, young man?"

"Ah, it's a jasmine green. It says it's imported from an earth kingdom town called Yincheng,"

"Really? They grow the best teas there. I'm personally partial to their ginsing,"

"Ginsing's delicious, though I personally prefer jasmine or sencha, depending on my mood,"

"Well now, aren't you a respectable young man. Would you like to have a cup of tea with me and perhaps play a game if pai-sho?"

"Sure. I'm Tobirama, by the way,"

"You can call me Iroh,"

Chapter Text

Iroh walked through the market while the ship was resupplying when he came across a lovely looking tea shop. Iroh - being who he was - couldn't resist and walked in. In the back of the little shop, he spotted a boy, perhaps his nephews age, with quite the odd appearance pondering over a tin of tea.

It wasn't just his appearance that was odd - though skin that pale, white hair, and bright red eyes certainly made for an unusual sight - no, it was the child's way of dress. He was in a blue tunic cut in the traditional manner of the water tribes, but wore no parka. Instead, he appeared to be wearing a pair of wide-legged pants and tall black boots with something resembling a Kyoshi Warrior's armor layer. Quite the odd mix indeed.

Curiosity getting the best of him, he walked up to the boy, "Oh, what do you have there, young man?"

The boy didn't seem startled by Iroh's sudden confrontation, and simply replied, "Ah, it's a jasmine green. It says it's imported from an earth kingdom town called Yincheng,"

Oh, that was quite the find indeed, though Iroh was personally more interested in the boy, call it a hunch, "Really? They grow the best teas there. I'm personally partial to their ginsing,"

The boy hummed thoughtfully, "Ginsing's delicious, though I personally prefer jasmine or sencha, depending on my mood,"

"Well now, aren't you a respectable young man. Would you like to have a cup of tea with me and perhaps play a game if pai-sho?" The boy seemed clever, Iroh's offer was genuine. Besides, the way the boy moved, Iroh wouldn't dare try something against him without preparing properly. He didn't have a death wish. Besides, the kid seemed sweet enough. Chances are that he's mostly harmless unless provoked.

"Sure. I'm Tobirama, by the way. It's an honor to meet you," if Iroh thought the boy's name was weird, he didn't say anything.

"You can call me Iroh," no recognition. None. This boy had no clue who he was.

Iroh led the boy - Tobirama - back to the wani. If he didn't see the kid right next to him, he wouldn't have known he was there. Tobirama's steps were completely, utterly silent. once they got to the ship, Tobirama hummed noncommittally but said or did nothing else. Which was.....

Actually, was it weird? Iroh had no clue where Tobirama was from, if he was fire nation or not.

As they walked up the ramp to the ship, Iroh decided to remedy this, "So, Tobirama. Where are you from?"

The boy in question - who was previously casting a sharp, analytical gaze over the ship - looked back at Iroh, "I was born in the southern water tribe, but I've been living on Kyoshi Island for a while. I actually just left Kyoshi today, went to travel the world and all,"

How odd, and the boy had absolutely no fear - at least no visible fear - at all. What an odd one. So, as any normal person would in the given situation, Iroh led the boy inside to have a cup of tea and play a peaceful game if pai-sho. At least, it would have been peaceful if Iroh's very volatile nephew wasn't in the very room they walked into.

Ah, well. The more the merrier.

Zuko was this close to setting his uncle's tea stores on fire. Why the hell did he bring some weird looking - well - weirdo on the boat! And why was everyone so calm!?

Zuko took a deep breath, "Uncle, why the fuck did you bring some weirdo on the ship?"

Said weirdo narrowed his eyes, "Language, youngling,"

.....

What the hell?

Uncle had the audacity to look amused. 

Said uncle laughed cordially, "This, Prince Zuko, is Tobirama,"

Zuko's brow twitched.

Tobirama bowed shallowly yet with an indescribable elegance. It was as almost exactly how.... Who did that again? It's so familiar, and feels so important, too.

The weirdo - Tobirama - spoke, "Honored to make your acquaintance. Your name is Zuko, I presume?"

Even the greeting. The style was exactly like-

"Madara," he whispered, barely audible to even himself. That's who this man reminded him of, Madara. His beloved older brother.

Tobirama's head snapped up - he had somehow heard Zuko, did he have superhuman hearing? - and his eerie red eyes were wide, though he schooled his face a moment later.

Tobirama's head was spinning. He'd heard a whisper, one he could hardly make out, but it sounded like 'Madara'. How did this kid - Prince Zuko? - know that name? Was Madara here? If so, then he's a complete wild card. Maybe, it isn't the same Madara. Maybe. But as both a shinobi and a scientist, Tobirama had to consider all possible options. It- it was a lot. That's for sure. But he doesn't have the time for this right now. Figuring that mess out is a problem for future Tobirama.

So, Tobirama pushed that aside for later and simply settled for saying instead, "You seem like an interesting person, perhaps I could pick your brain at some point? Only after I've had tea, though,"

Iroh laughed, turning to the guard just outside, "Would you be a dear and boil some water for us?"

He turned back, "Nephew, would you perhaps like to join us for some tea? If that's alright with you, if course, Tobirama,"

Tobirama nodded, "I wouldn't mind in the slightest, I'd be pleased if your honorable nephew joined us for tea,"

The room seemed to freeze. Tobirama blinked owlishly, tilting his head, "I- I'm sorry? Did I say something unfavorable?"

The white-haired man nodded, "I wouldn't mind in the slightest, I'd be pleased if your honorable nephew joined us for tea,"

...... What?

This asshole, can he not see all of the signs of a failed agni-kai? Even if he couldn't, Zuko is the prince, how could this peasant not know his story.

Then that bastard - that fucking bastard - had the gall to look confused, "I- I'm sorry? Did I say something unfavorable?"

"You." Zuko seethed, "You can see me, yet you dare say that!?"

The man - boy? - furrowed his brows, "I'm afraid I don't know of what you speak. I'm not familiar with fire nation customs,"

Zuko could feel the flames flickering from his mouth, and Tobirama just blinked, nothing more than some vague emotion on his face. Fucking asshole, "And the hell's that supposed to mean, huh?"

He just blinked, and stated like it was obvious, "I'm from the southern water tribe. That's where I've been most if my life until I got to Kyoshi Island a few months ago. We don't get much news - ever - and I only arrived here today. I'm afraid I don't know any of your customs,"

Uncle didn't even have the decency to pretend to be surprised, "Uncle, we are at war, and you bring about an enemy?"

Uncle just shrugged, "I don't think he could do much harm. He's not even armed,"

"Actually," the damn weirdo smoke up, "I've got more than 20 throwing knives on my person, and I'm a water bender,"

Uncle blinked and shrugged, proceeding to get ready to make tea. Zuko wanted to bang his head into the wall.

Repeatedly.

Tobirama really didn't know what prompted him to show his hand, even if was only a portion of it. Maybe it was because that this child's - Zuko's - chi, dispite all it's anger and annoyance, was warm and honest. Tobirama didn't even need the whole extra emotion-sensing thing that came along with his natural ability. All he needed was to feel the boy's chi in order to tell that he had a pure heart and an honest soul.

Although, with the whole emotion-sensing thing he could do, Tobirama could tell the boy needed to let off some steam. Well, it couldn't hurt. Besides, the kid just breathed fire. If he's anywhere near as interesting as, well,  any of the Uchiha were, really, then it's bound to be entertaining.

"Your name is Zuko, right? Would you like to spar with me while Iroh prepares tea?"

Zuko blinked, something along the lines of 'what-the-actual-fuck-is-this-guy-stupid' probably going through his head.

Little did Tobirama know, that was exactly what Zuko was thinking.

So, the kid just nodded, something like vague relief on his face as he led Tobirama out onto the deck.

Chapter Text

Zuko - though he'll never admit it - was relieved at Tobirama's offer to spar. The taller boy walked to the other side of the deck, settling into a well-balanced yet light footed position. Zuko, naturally, settled into his dao form - that Madara had showed him a few years ago was more effective than the sozin style of bending - and gathered sparks in his palms, ready to ignite at a moment's notice.

Tobirama's eyes flicked down to his sparking palms, nodding in what seemed to be respect. Taking the opening, Zuko lunged forward, keeping his center of gravity low and creating little jets of fire from his fists - a fun little trick his cousin Lu-ten taught him and Azula when they were young. 

Tobirama sidestepped the lunge and grabbed Zuko's arm, twisting around to redirect the momentum and send Zuko back to the other side of the deck. The fire prince in question narrowed his eyes, clearly able to tell how outmatched he was in close combat. Deciding to use a move Madara had taught him, Zuko brought his hands in front of his mouth to form a triangle-like sign and exhaled. The trick to the move Zuko thought was really cool, by both breathing the flame and bending it from one's hands, a large blast of fire with great destructive power could be formed.

Tobirama jumped back - his expression was one Zuko couldn't see due to a combination of the distance and the massive fireball in the way, but something told him that it was odd - with a hand held in front of him, index and middle fingers held up. Before the white-haired teen's feet touched the ground again, a looming water dragon surged up from the ocean and swallowed the fireball whole, causing an explosion of steam to engulf the deck.

Zuko paused and listened, being completely blinded by the steam. All at once, said steam pulled back, hundreds if water blades positioned in the air in it's place. The water blades launched just as Zuko threw up a wall of fire, evaporating them. The moment the fire faded, Tobirama was there, engaging Zuko in close-quarters combat. 

Zuko thought that he would have been thrown on his ass a lot quicker, the the older(?) teen held back, extending the spar. It almost seemed like.... he was teaching him? When he planted his feet too much, Tobirama would strike his his legs just hard enough to make him lose his balance. If there was a gap in a block, Tobirama would hit it just hard enough to bruise. In the three minutes he sparred hand-to-hand with the man (boy? How old was he?), Zuko felt as if he'd learned more than he ever had from any of his tutors. Zuko had to hand it to him, Tobirama was an excellent teacher.

He helped Zuko up and smiled, "You've got quite the good skill there. The only main thing I'd say would be to focus on learning to sense chi to cover your blind spot,"

Zuko winced, yeah, most of the hits he'd taken were in his left side. However, "What do you mean, sensing chi?"

Tobirama blinked before a moment of realization crash over his expression, "Oh right, sorry, I forgot that you probably hadn't heard of it. It's where you means to sense the chi around you to detect, well, anything really. I taught it so some of the girls on Kyoshi Island, but they're not benders, so they lack the deeper connection to chi that you have, so I'm confident it'll work quite well for you,"

Zuko was, well, dumbfounded, that such a thing exists, "How does it work?"

Tobirama hummed, "You can sense your own fire, right?"

"Well yeah, why wouldn't I?"

"That's your chi. You focus on that feeling and try to deepen it - it'd probably help if you tried to heat the area with fireless bending to start out - to feel all of the chi around you so you're able to sense what's going on,"

Well shit, if that wasn't interesting, Zuko didn't know what was. He'll try it out after uncle's done harassing them with stupid hot leaf juice.

Iroh was watching Tobirama spar with his nephew. He had finished the tea a while ago - just had to let it steep - so he figured he might as well watch the two. Alright, he'll admit that he actually really wanted to see the two spar, so he hurried through the tea and was on the deck not long after the two boys. 

The fight was......

Enlightening, to say the least.

He hadn't even known Zuko could produce that much fire, Iroh was starting to doubt if he was worthy of the title as "The Dragon of the West" (he never really liked what it meant anyway, but we're not opening that can of worms right now. Nope, not today, Satan.)

And while the display of fire was, frankly, terrifying, it had nothing on Tobirama's water dragon. With just a slight motion, he brought enough water up from the ocean to swallow that house-sized fireball. 

The water blade/fire wall exchange was impressive two, but Iroh was still reeling from the previous display.

Watching Tobirama guide Zuko through improvement in hand-to-hand combat was as heartwarming as it was impressive. But then Tobirama said something about chi sensing.

Well, that was........ A lot.

Eh, whatever.

He'll just grab his combustible nephew and his maelstrom of a friend(?) for tea.

His uncle senses just told him that Zuko just mentally called tea hot leaf juice. Never before has Iroh been so disappointed in his lovely nephew. Tomorrow, he was going to make lemon tea, for medical purposes, totally, if not to spite Zuko.

Iroh approached the chaos children, hands tucked in his sleeves, "The tea should be steeped now,"

Yeah, best to get the kids off-deck. The spar was loud and Iroh could feel Miss Akiko's blood lust for waking her from her nap.

Tobirama - bless this child - smiled, "Alright, that sounds lovely, what did you prepare?"

Zuko must have sensed their residents armory manager's rage as well, because he hurried inside, dragging Tobirama along by his wrist. It was quite the sight, though in the best way. The pale water tribesman had been on board for less than an hour, yet Zuko already evidently looked up to him. It was adorable, to say the least.

Iroh served tea - he and Tobirama drank it, Zuko not so much - while his nephew was every talking with Tobirama, who seemed to be enjoying it.

"Hey, Tobirama - that is your name, right? I didn't mishear uncle? - I was wondering why you're so pale. From what I understand, most of the water tribes have darker skin to that the light reflecting off of the snow and water don't burn them? I mean, I heard of a white-haired princess in the north, but still, you're really pale,"

Iroh almost wanted to pinch the bridge of his nose. Poor Zuko had no social skills whatsoever....

That might have been Iroh's own fault. Partially, at least.

Tobirama simply laughed, "Well, my father told me that when I was about to die as a baby, the moon got really bright so he dipped me in the water, then I turned out like this. Though if I were born this way, it could simply be explained by an inability to produce melanin, which is what causes pigments in anything biological,"

Zuko hummed, "Sooo....... You're spirit blessed then?"

Tobirama blinked as if that had just occurred to him, "Oh yeah, I guess I am,"

Zuko nodded, a sad expression casting over his features, "My big brother's spirit blessed as well. But he's said to have died a few years ago. I don't think he did though, he had to have faked it to run away. I know he never really liked father, or the war,"

Iroh's heart broke a little bit. He wanted to say something, but Tobirama placed his hand on Zuko shoulder.

He smiled, "You've got my name right. Your big brother sounds very wise. War - more often than not - is little more than needless death used as cannon fodder for the desires of the greedy. Thankfully, there's people like you out there, youngling, that have the pure hearts and honorable souls that can end the wars,"

Zuko pondered for a long while after that.

Iroh decided to walk Tobirama to the nicest inn in town - he payed for the boy's room and gave him enough spare money to last a week or so, despite the boy saying he didn't need to; but they had more than enough money in the boat anyway - and afterwards saw a few play scripts on sale in a shop window. He bought them.

When Iroh stepped back on the boat, Zuko's phoenix tail has been cut. Well, time to commit high treason. The crew had a betting pool going on how long it would have taken. Helmsmen Tounuka just won.

Chapter Text

Madara finally managed to steal and figure out how to operate a boat that could get him to the North Pole. It's been years since he faked his death. Why did it take so unreasonably long? No clue, honestly. Though in his defense, it was only last year that Madara decided to check out the rumored white-haired princess of the northern water tribe. As much as it pained Madara to admit it, finding Tobirama would be incredibly helpful. The guy was undeniably a genius. He didn't actually know if the Senju actually reincarnated or not, or if said frosty Senju somehow managed to get a different body. Call it a hunch. But hey, a lead's a lead.

So here Madara found himself with every article of green clothing he had disguised as an earth kingdom merchant. Thanks to his sharingan - which he was mercifully able to keep after the stupid reincarnation - Madara was able to copy artwork, poems, plays scripts, and books from his old life. The plethora of such high-quality original works had made him quite the reputation in the costal towns he visited on his way north.

Wait. Was that illegal? 

Technically, everything that he's replicated is from his past life. So, it's probably fine? Still made him feel a bit guilty though. On the plus side, if Tobirama did reincarnate, the man would undeniably recognize the works from their old world and track Madara down. The blasted lunatic was a scholar in all but name. Not that Madara would ever admit it, but he found it both intimidating and impressive when mixed with the man's battle prowess as well.

That was beside the point. The point as of now was that he was currently approaching Zhao's battle cruiser with no way to avoid it. Fuck. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. Time to get out the hair oil and fake beard. In record time - with a truly horrendous amount of hair oil - Madara had slicked his unruly mane of hair back, leaving it to fall down his back past his hips in a greasy black sheet. After digging out a fake goatee that reminded him of a sleezy salesman, Madara stepped out into the deck of the ship. 

Not long afterwards, his boat was boarded by some of Zhao's men. Something about ensuring the waters are safe. Thankfully, Zhao himself wasn't there. Good. Madara wasn't sure if he could resist the urge to kill the poor excuse of a man.

The soldier evidently in charge offered a greeting so fake Madara almost cringed, "Hello there good sir. I'm so sorry about the intrusion, but I'm afraid that we must ask you a few questions before we can let you on your way,"

The only reason Madara has not to kill the rat-faced fuck heads was that his boat couldn't outrun a battle cruiser, and taking everyone on the ship on would alert the rest of the fire nation of his wearabouts.

"Not at all," Madara responded, lowering his tone to something gravely yet oily, "I understand completely. What would you like to know, kind sir?"

"Just what wares you carry and where you're headed,"

"I've got artwork, books, and scrolls. I'm headed to the northern water tribe to sell them,"

The soldier laughed, "Alright, squeeze those savages for every last coin if theirs,"

Madara was seriously considering breaking character to stab this jerk with his hairpin. The only thing stopping him was the fact that he wouldn't do that to his hairpin. Zuko carved it himself when he was little.

So, Madara grit his teeth and smiled, "But of course, that's the plan,"

The soldier laughed and began to leave with the other two behind him. Were the fire nation assholes - bar Zuko and Azula - so stupid as to think that everyone would just tell them where they were going? Without lying?

Whatever. Madara just had to get to the North Pole to see if the infuriatingly intelligent Senju got reincarnated as their princess.

And get out of this stupid disguise.

Yue sat in the welcome chamber with her handmaid - Shilan. Apparently, some successful earth kingdom merchant just showed up, and her father wanted her to talk to talk to the guy and see if he had anything of interest.

Just as the princess was about to commit a felony out of boredom, a boy - probably 17 or 18 - walked in. He was pale with sharp black eyes and a spiky mass of black hair that fell past his hips. He wore what appeared to be a long, green cotton changshan and wide-legged pants with tall boots, and a wooden hairpin straining to hold the top quarter of his hair from his face.

The most interesting thing, though, was how his presence felt. Yue was fairly sure it was because of her blessing, but she was always able to tell a lot about a person from their presence. This person was of power, fire, love, and an undeniable otherworldliness. His soul was like a blazing supernova, but it harbored no hostility. Instead, it was kind and guiding, but also seemed to be searching for something.

The boy (merchant?) appeared to be rather annoyed, but dropped into an elegant bow when he saw her none the less. He looked up with a slightly strained smile, "You must be her highness Princess Yue?"

Yue smiled, "Quite correct, Lord Merchant,"

The merchant boy narrowed his eyes a fraction and ever so slightly tilted his head, "No need for such respect of me, highness,"

Yue waved him off and turned towards Shilan, "Give me time with this gentleman, I wish to speak with him in private. I will call for you when you're needed,"

With a muttered "Yes, Princess" Shilan hurried out of the room, eager to obey. Yue turned back to the merchant - who she was fairly sure wasn't actually a merchant - and looked him in the eye, "What is it you seek here,"

He sighed, "Princess, I am Madara. As a.... gift of Agni we'll call it, I was granted the memories of another person long passed. I came here in search of another individual who may have also been gifted by these memories as well, though they would have been likely bestowed by Tui and La,"

Yue narrowed her eyes at the boy - Madara - as she tried to make sense of what he said. No one outside of her family knew the tale of her blessing, and her memories were solely of this life, "So why have you come here?"

Madara scanned Yue, "I heard rumors of your white hair. The person I seek would have been of white hair, red eyes, and water. I'm afraid you are not who I seek, though I'm not even fully sure he exists here, so I can't be disappointed,"

Yue knew that Madara was cunning and could have spun a most believable lie, but he didn't. His soul told her such, "I see. This person would be blessed by Tui and La you say? Perhaps I can help you locate them. For a price,"

He smiled, finally genuine, "That would be appreciated princess. Do you perhaps know how to fight?"

She clicked her tongue, bitter, "The northern water tribe forbids women from fighting. We are only permitted to heal. I only know a few water bending forms taught to me by the spirits in my dreams,"

Madara grinned, vaguely giving Yue the impression of chaos, "Would you like to learn?"

Oh, this is going to be quite fun. Yes, it appear that this merchant has many fascinating wares, and Yue will need him to stay a while for her to browse and ponder them. However, those are the words reserved for the rest of the world, to this boy, what she would say is, "You've caught my interest, Madara. Consider it a deal. We've got many guest rooms here in the palace, I'll have one ready for you,"

Chapter Text

Once Yue managed to escape her hellish 15th birthday celebration, she slipped out of her bedroom window with practiced grace, spear strapped to her back. She pulled the hood of her gray cloak up and stalked through the shadows of the icy city until she arrived at the Spirit Oasis. Closing the door behind her, Yue turned around to see a grinning Madara standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Happy birthday, Yue. I got you something," He threw a new spear her way. When she looked at it, she took in the blue-stained wood, the small rings of white moonstones, and the curved blades at each end.

She gave it an experimental spin, finding it well-balanced - the duel blades would allow it to incorporate better with her bending. 

Yue smiled and trapped Madara in a hug, "It's perfect, thank you,"

Madara smiled and pat her on the head, "So I was thinking today, in honor of you not murdering anyone for their sexism for 15 whole years, we'd start getting you fluent in combatting fire,"

That's going to be fun, sure, but Yue's not entirely sure how he's going to teach her that. Sure, he's got a firey soul - probably a result of his reincarnation or whatever - but it's not like he's-

Wait.

"You're a fire bender?"

"Well, yeah? Did I not-? Oh, shit. Um, surprise?"

Yue had a very strong urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. As clever as Madara was, he could be a complete dumbass at times. Around half the time, really. But whatever.

Yue very pointedly did not pinch the bridge of her nose. But she did sigh at her slightly stupid honorary older brother, "Whatever. Just, teach me. Alright?"

Madara grinned, "Alright, how do you feel about hiking? Because I've got a sneaking suspicion that Tui and La won't appreciate having their oasis set on fire,"

Yue groaned, grabbing Madara by his stupidly long ponytail and dragging him away, much to his dismay. A short hike later, the two found themselves in an Arctic valley, where there was no risk of anything being set on fire by the large flammable rodent - cough (porcupine) cough - that is Madara.

Yue arched a brow, "Here work? Great. Now, try to set me on fire or whatever it is you need to do,"

Madara practically screeched, and Yue swore his hair puffed up. Honestly, Yue wondered where that elegant and well-mannered merchant she first met went. Whatever. At least he could still uphold the act around her dad.

"Why in Agni's tits would I set you on fire!? The whole point of this is to make sure you don't get set on fire!"

That full moon, Yue went to the spirit oasis. It wasn't one of their scheduled training sessions, but Yue had to uphold her half of the bargain. Besides, Madara had told her that he didn't have the necessary skill set to teach her very far beyond what he already did. So, Yue meditated.

Slipping into her mind, she was greeted with the shimmering silver and blue forms of Tui and La.

"What is it you need, child?" The moon asked, her words as gentle as her light.

The ocean playfully slapped her, "Dear, you already know what Yue came here for,"

The moon looked at her wife, "Well, it's good etiquette for her to ask, isn't it?"

The ocean sighed, and Yue - all too used to their antics - interrupted as respectfully as she could, "A friend of mine is looking for someone, from what I know he should be a reincarnated soul with white hair and red eyes who can command water as naturally as breathing,"

The moon narrowed her soft black eyes, "That sounds familiar..... Dear-?"

The ocean groaned, a transparent hand coming up to her dark brow, "Honey, sweetie, light of my life. Are you kidding me? That boy from 17 years ago in the southern water tribe?"

The moon seemed to come to a realization, "Oh, right! I remember now, his name's Tobirama. He's in the earth kingdom now. Is that him?"

Yue bowed and offered her thanks, exiting her mind and returning to her body. It was time to see if this was the man that Madara spoke of.

Yue slipped through the shadows of the city until she came to the palace walk just below Madara's window. She then scaled the icy wall and vaulted herself in through the open window, where she was met with glowing red eyes and a knife at her throat.

"Madara, what the fuck?"

The man in question blinked before hurriedly scrambling backwards, throwing the knife behind him, "Oh shit, sorry Yue. Didn't know it was you,"

Yue groaned, rolling her eyes, "Yeah, I figured as much. But I just spoke with Tui and La, and there's someone who matches your description - red eyes, white hair, water bender - from the South Pole, but he's in the earth kingdom now. They said his name was Tobirama, is that him?"

"But I just spoke with Tui and La, and there's someone who matches your description - red eyes, white hair, water bender -" Yue had said. Madara froze, could he have actually reincarnated as well? Was it more than just a hunch?

" - from the South Pole, but he's in the earth kingdom now. They said his name was Tobirama, is that him?" As the water tribe princess spoke that name, Madara could almost feel his heart stop. He was here. Tobirama was here.

"Yeah," Madara muttered, hardly hearing himself, "Yeah, that's him,"

Yue said he was in the earth kingdom, but never mentioned where. If he was from the southern tribe, he probably stopped by Kyoshi Island. Madara would start there and work his way north, following rumors or anything that would catch the Senju's attention.

If Madara wanted to end this war and protect his little siblings this time, he would need Tobirama's help. Sure, he hasn't forgiven him for what he did to Izuna, but now he could think clearly enough to acknowledge that they were at war, and the Senju was just trying to stay alive. Still, he's going to give the asshole a good slapping when he sees him.

Two weeks later, Madara set out to Kyoshi. In his rinky-dink little boat, it'd take around two months or so if the wide and currents were on his side. On second thought, maybe he could hijack a fire nation patrol ship. Those are faster. 

Yep, good plan. 

In the spirit world, Agni facepalmed, Tui slapped him, and La laughed.

Chapter Text

Madara had made it to an earth kingdom shore before he found a fire nation scout vessel. While that was longer than ideal, it was worth it, because said scouting vessel was part of Zhao's fleet. Well, who else would be egotistical enough to name their scout ship Agni's Eye? Exactly. 

So, while Zhao's main ship was off limits because of his prominent position, there was no rule against stealing a scout ship. The battle cruisers were slower anyway. Win-win situation no matter how you look at it, really.

So, while the stupid fire folk were restocking their little shop, Madara scaled up the side and proceeded to knock the single soldier left behind into oblivion before throwing said soldier onto the dock a few (12) feet below and hightailing it out of the smelly port city. No, but seriously, the spirit-forsaken place smelled like rotting fish and stomach acid. Did Madara want to know why it smelled of the latter? No. Absolutely not. So before the idiot fire soldiers were back from their little shopping trip, Madara had long since disappeared over the horizon.

Honestly speaking, he was a good deal disappointed that it was so pitifully easy to steal the ship, but he wasn't one to complain. Okay, maybe he complained a little when Yue spilled some of her perfumed oil on his nice clothes. But, in his defense, the northern water tribe has wretched taste in perfume. At the next port, Madara decided to pick up some good perfumed oils. He's thinking jasmine or rose, those are always nice. However, Madara's personal favorite a mixture of lavender, jasmine, rose, and chamomile (what? He likes floral scents, besides, more than just noblewomen deserve to smell nice). Buuuttt, he's way to broke to afford something like that right now - maybe he should brake into Zhao's ship, even if it's just to empty his not-so-little gold stash - so he'll have to settle for something simpler.

Madara is increasingly glad that he stole this ship. It took less than a month to reach Kyoshi. If he stole some of his favorite perfume oil on his way down, no one has to know. Now, since Madara spent all of his money on new clothes, he found himself out of coal, with the only reason his boat was still running being his fire bending. On an unrelated note, Madara decided that there really was no need to go all the way to the other side of the island when there's a perfectly fine looking beach right here.

Madara currently did not know what to do. Apparently, that perfectly fine looking beach he was headed towards harbored a giant sea serpent. A sea serpent that he was not payed nearly enough to deal with. So, fire bending like death himself was chasing him down (that's exactly what was happening, just less poetically), Madara managed to reach the beach with both him and his stolen boat intact.

Safe at last. At least, that's what Madara thought until he saw a legion of green-clad women standing upside down on the tree branches. Madara very near had a heart attack. Tobirama was definitely here.

"Agni's tits, fucking frosty asshole and his stupid experimentation bullshit!"

The sun groaned into his hands, "I really wish he'd stop saying that,"

The moon cackled, "Well, dear brother, your tiddies are one of the nine natural wonders of the world,"

The sun swore.

The ocean smacked her wife, "Wait, what's the eighth?"

The moon arched a perfectly sculpted silver brow, "Have you seen my ass in a pair of leather pants?"

The ocean groaned. They didn't even have leather in the spirit world.

Madara would have spat out his drink if he had one as one of the younger girls glared at him and said in a disturbingly threatening tone, "Language,"

Madara looked up at the girl, "Um, sorry? By the way, have you by any chance, been taught by a frosty-looking bast- I mean, man? He's a white-haired water bender, Tobirama?"

Madara suddenly found a knife embedded in the dirt uncomfortably close to his toe as the oldest-looking (ah, no, she still looked fantastic as far as Madara was concerned. Not old, at all. She seemed like she could gut a man just as easily as he could, if not more so) woman narrowed her eyes, "What do you want with him, fire nation scum,"

Madara raised his hands in the universal (he would know, it's his second after all) sign of surrender, "First of all, rude. I actually stole this ship from the world's second-biggest jacka- I mean- jerk in the world. Second, I'll have you know that Tobirama and I are very close. He's only tried to kill me a few times over the years - which is practically a record for him - and it just so happens that I need his help to terrorize some prick named Ozai,"

"Language," the youngest of the bunch scolded - she looked no older than Yue - before her eyes widened, "Wait, are you the 'overdramatic fire-breathing porcupine' that Tobi would talk about in his ramblings that none of us were quite sure how he knew?"

All of the other women nodded in understanding as one of them spoke up, "That would make sense. He fits the description. Hey, ponytail guy, how well can you fight with a fan?"

Madara.... had no idea what to do. The only other time he'd been this confused was when Hashirama turned his bookshelf into a tree by accident after seeing a particularly cute snail or something. With his books still on it.

"I- um- I used to have a gunbai that I was really good with?"

They all shrugged in unison before dropping down, the intimidating woman he assumed was the leader spoke, "Alright porcupine guy, what's your name?"

"I'm Madara, and I'm looking for Tobirama. So, if you could tell me where he went after he was obviously here, that would be great,"

The violent small one walked up to him and poked at his side - right where he had a knife hidden - "He went to the earth kingdom port city of Yangla, just north of here. However, we're going to keep you for two days. You seem to be....... In need of assistance, to say the least,"

Madara sighed, well, at least he had a lead.

Chapter Text

No. Tobirama was not lost. He was just.... taking a detour. After accidently setting his map on fire. After some completely intentional and highly complex evasive maneuvers - used to in an attempt escape his terrible life choices - Tobirama knew exactly where he was. He was.....

Just, give him a second.

Right, he's in a fancy little town called Gaoling. On his first night there, he detected a large number of people gathering under a mountain. As any perfectly logical person would, Tobirama decided to sneak in to the gathering that he would soon discover to be the earth-rumble arena. It'd probably be fine anyway, there was only one person with formidable chi in the entire place, and whoever they seemed rather young.

Tobirama was about to smack his head into the wall. Repeatedly. What kind of underground fighting ring is this easy to sneak into? Seriously, Tobirama was no small amount disappointed. Either way, the earth bending matches were entertaining enough. He saw the debut of the blind bandit, who turned out to be the formidable presence he sensed earlier. She way young - about 11 or so - and , as the name suggests, blind. But the way she moved, Tobirama could tell that she was in no way unaware of her surroundings or weak in the slightest. She was fascinating. Tobirama decided once she beat the (now former) champion that he would track her down, if not to converse with her than to help her grow into the seemingly limitless potential she has, before he has to move on. After all, he can't stay in one place too long. Maybe he'll head to the eastern air temple after this.

This is going to be a lot of fun. Tobirama was going to make it a point to ask her if she senses chi or uses her earth bending to get around. Either way, it'll be fascinating.

But still, how would it work if she was using earth bending? Maybe she's just more connected with her element than others and can feel through it like an extension of herself? No, that would be incredibly inconvenient, because then she could feel every construction project or anything else that disrupts the earth. But it's still a possibility. Perhaps it was more of a vibrational thing? Like, tuning her chi to be ultra-sensitive to earth, so she could detect even the tiniest disruptions in the earth without actually feeling them like an extra limb. 

Whatever, Tobirama can figure those out later. After he meets the girl.

Toph had been to earth-rumble matches before, but this is the first time that she was allowed to fight. Some stupid age rule. Kind of funny that now they decide to care for people's well-being. She already knows how she'll be perceived by both the other combatants and the audience members. Being a little girl and with her tell-tale cloudy eyes - as she's been told, at least - she's bound to be underestimated. Which is why when one of the people in the audience - they're so light on their feet Toph would say that they were an air bender if she didn't know better - shifted in curiosity, their heartbeat interested and expectant, Toph grinned.That didn't even change when they realized she was blind. Even better.

Toph hoped whoever that was decided to stay in town a while. Talk - read: spar - with them some. She as the feeling that they're a cool person. And she's usually right in her impressions of people. Seismic sense and all. 

What she didn't expect was the next morning, as she was walking in the garden, having this person to pretty much just appear in front of her - she knew he probably just jumped down from a tree, but still, it was nerve-wracking. It took all of her self-controlled to not scream.

The person seem to realize they startled her, and spoke in a young, masculine voice, "Oh, crap, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. But I guess that answers the earth bending vs chi sensing debate..... Wait, no Tobirama, not the time for that. Anyway, hello, I saw you yesterday during the earth-rumble matches, and wanted to talk to you,"

Toph blinked and arched a brow, "So, your name's Tobirama? Cool. I planned to track you down anyway - your footing is so light, dude - so you're just making things easier for me,"

Toph felt the boy's confusion which quickly faded into embarrassment. How amusing, "Oh, kyūbi's tails, I'm sorry about that. I've been trying to break that habit. Anyway, let me properly introduce myself, I'm Tobirama of the southern water tribe, may I know your name?"

Toph had to hold in a snort of laughter, Snowflake - yeah, she'll call him snowflake, he's from the south pole - as it turns out, it just a big chaotic mess of nerves, rambling tendencies, and anxiety. It's fun, "I'm Toph Beifong, nice to meet ya, Snowflake. So, whaddya want to talk about? I mean, you did say that that's why you tracked me down,"

Snowflake laughed, "Yeah, I did say that. I was wondering about the technique you used to navigate. At first I was wondering if you send chi or used your earth bending, but the fact that you couldn't detect me in the tree answered that. So now I'm just curious if you feel the earth as an extension of yourself or just detect what happens to it. Or if it's anything else like-"

He cut off, seeming to notice that was rambling again. Not that Toph minded it in the slightest, it was fun to hear how his brain worked. Besides, she's known him for about five minutes and can already tell that he's wicked smart, "I just feel vibrations through the earth. The badger-moles taught me a while ago, and I've managed to refine it enough to sense even those ants behind you," 

Toph could feel the geers turning in Snowflake's head. Just as Toph thought that her impression of the guy couldn't be better, he spoke again, "Do you think you could sense the minerals in a person's bones? Manipulate them, even?"

Toph cackled - as quietly as she could, as to not alert the guards - she's going to have a lot of fun with this. She knows that he's just passing through Gaoling, but that's not going to stop her from putting his magnificent brain to good use while he's here.

"Hey, Snowflake?"

"Yeah?"

"I've been wondering, what's a kyūbi?"

"Um- focus on feeling that bone,"

"Snowflake,"

"Bone,"

"Snowflake,"

"Fine,"

"I'm waiting,"

"It's a big nine-tailed fox.... spirit. Yeah. Part of... my homeland's folklore?"

"You do realize that I'm a lie detector, right? And what you just said was so full of half-truths that it almost hurt,"

"Um-"

"Whatever, I won't bug you about it. The big fox thing sounds cool,"

Toph did, in fact, end up feeling the bone. Her first experiment was finding Snowflake in the trees. In her second experiment, she gave herself fangs, just to see if she could. As for her third experiment, she and Snowflake payed a totally legal visit to the local hospital to see if she could fix bones with her fun new skill.

She can.

Chapter Text

The Blind Bandit and the White Demon; two vigilantes who suddenly appeared in the southern earth kingdom. They just as suddenly gained a cult-like fan base among all citizens who heard their story. They were infamous for striking down injustice under the cover of darkness. It was unknown if the two were spirits of earth and water, or two immensely powerful benders.

This was all private Luo-jin knew of the two folk heroes. Until now, at least. Because, five minutes into her watch, a young girl dressed in green with a ragged blindfold and clay bracers on her arms and legs just rose from the ground like a wraith. A moment later, a boy in black with a white and red porcelain mask and spiky silver-white hair dropped silently down from the trees.

Luo-jin had seen pictures of them before, so if course she knew of them. In fact, she was looking at pictures of them right now. On wanted posters. She turned towards the two and did what any reasonable person would.

"Um, hello? If you're looking for the prisoners, they're that way. You might want to get them some medical attention, the higher-ups aren't exactly the nicest individuals,"

The girl - the Blind Bandit - cocked her head and addressed her companion, "I like her. She's cool," she turned towards Luo-jin, "I like you. We're keeping you. Worst comes to worst, just say I kidnapped you. Leave him out of it though, I gotta get my bounty up, he's winning and it's not cool,"

"Hey, I got my bounty higher than yours fair and square," the White Demon faced her, "We both kidnapped you, if anyone asks. Very violent, you had no choice. Quite sad,"

Luo-jin found herself at a loss for words. But hey, anything's better than working for that asshole Geoli. So, she shrugged, grabbed the keys off of the hook by her head and walked towards the holding cells. 

She unlocked the door, and the old iron hinges swung open with a screech.

Wait.

Oh shit, is this treason? Eh, whatever. The Firelord's an ass anyway. Besides, if she's lucky, they'll let her help them terrorize that creepy asshat Zhao.

Unfortunately, most of the prisoners couldn't walk because of injuries and malnourishment. The Blind Bandit ended up making some sort of platform, earth bending all 23 of them to the beach, made a boat, and had the White Demon propel them to the nearest coastal town. Upon arrival, they knocked - rather heavily, one might add - on the hospital doors, threw a large bag of money at the responding staff, left the 20 injured earth kingdom civilians there, and hauled Luo-jin off somewhere.

Luo-jin watched the two feared vigilantes argue over bounties on their way back-

Actually, where were they going? 

"Um, Ms. Blind Bandit and Mr. White Demon, I was wondering where you're taken me?"

The Blind Bandit cocked her head before laughing maniacally, "Where to keep you-"

The White Demon smacked her upside the head, "No, youngling. You're not keeping her in a cave. Or a hole in the ground. I'll brake into your dad's office and hire her as your personal handmaiden or something,"

Luo-jin did not know what to do in this situation. She was at a loss. Apparently, the Blind Bandit was from a rich family. She doesn't recall any wealthy families with children in this area. Maybe-

The White Demon interrupted her train of thought, "I just realized. We don't know how old you are or what your name is, youngling,"

She blinked owlishly, "I'm Luo-jin, and I'm 19,"

"Nice to meet ya, Firefly! I'm Toph Beifong,"

Ooooohhh shit. Beifong. Like, the people with more money than the damn earth king. Well, fuck.

At times, Luo-jin had to wonder if she did something to piss off the spirits.

Agni groaned, "Me too, fire child, me too,"

The ocean arched a brow at her brother-in-law, "Need I remind you that you're one of the five greater spirits?"

The sun sighed, "No, which makes me wonder what I did to deserve this, and even more so who could've damned me in this way,"

The moon looked up from her position on her wife's lap, "What do you mean? The only issues are on earth,"

At that moment, Dangun - the earth spirit - broke down Agni's door. The one he just replaced.

"Fucking help me, I just lost Vāyu's favorite flute!"

The ocean snorted. The moon cackled. The earth screamed. The sun groaned.

Agni's newly rebuilt cottage found itself without a roof after a particularly strong gust of wind tore through the spirit world.

The spirit word doesn't usually have wind.

"All of you out. Now,"

"Can I take the-"

"OUT!"

"But.... My mochi..."

Everyone on earth wondered why the sun seemed to burn brighter at that moment.

"Toph, she has a name. She just told us,"

"Shove it, Snowflake,"

The White Demon sighed, "I'm Tobirama, pleased to meet you, Luo-jin,"

She could only nodded absently. Neither in of them was sane.

Also, where were their parents?

Three weeks later, Luo-jin served tea to her young lady, Toph Beifong. Sencha, of course. Lao and Poppy would have an aneurysm if she served anything else.

"Is this to your liking, my lady?" The polite young serving girl asked.

"Cut the bullshit, Firefly. There's no one around except for Snowflake. On that note, throw a rock into that tree there so he knows that if he doesn't come down, I'll make him,"

Luo-jin wondered how such a vile, cruel, and chaotic demon ended up in the body of a young girl as innocent-looking as this. That though aside, Luo-jin picked up a good sized rock from the garden and hurtled it at the tree Tobirama was perched.

The man in question was dumping a cup of tea over Toph's head before the rock had made it halfway to the tree. Although, he bended it out right away, he cared too much for Toph to let her clothes stay wet for more than a few moments in this weather.

Luo-jin groaned. She was not paid enough.

The previous statement is a lie. She had more money than most nobles did. A better phrase would be that she didn't have enough sanity left to make it through this without committing a felony.

That night, Luo-jin dreamed she was standing on a field of clouds in front of a brilliant sun. A tall, broad-shouldered man with tan skin, crimson eyes, and amber hair appeared in front of her.

Oh.

Oh wow.

He was hot.

Those were the mightiest tiddies Luo-jin had ever seen.

She should thank him.

"You, fire child," the man's voice thundered, "Because I understand your trials, I offer to you my blessing,"

Luo-jin tried to look up from the man's bare chest. Key word: tried, "Um, excuse me, unbelievably handsome sir, what are you talking about?"

Said unbelievably handsome sir sighed, "I'm saying that I've seen the bullshit those dreadful chaos children bring you, and that I'm in the same spirits damned - wait, shit that doesn't work - uh, Raava damned boat, so I want to give you my blessing,"

Luo-jin groaned, "Look, maybe it's because I'm distracted by those wonderful tiddies of yours - if you got a problem, put on a shirt, dude - but that literally explains nothing,"

He sighed, "I'm Agni,"

She stared, "Well shit. Eh, ain't the weirdest thing I've seen,"

He nodded, extending a hand, "Exactly. Welcome to the club,"

Luo-jin became the first mortal to shake a greater spirit's hand.

Chapter Text

Toph wondered when Tobirama was going to leave. It's not like he said anything about it or like she wanted him gone - quite the opposite - but she could feel his heartbeat. Every day she could feel him getting more panicked. At times he would find a solution, but not a moment later his heart beat with so much guilt that she sometimes has to pick her feet up off of the ground to avoid being overwhelmed by it all. So, like any good friend, she decided to talk to someone to figure out what she should do.

Being confined all her life, Toph had little experience with this kind of thing, and she couldn't just talk to Tobirama either. He was the only person in the world worse at talking to people than she was. Toph went to Luo-jin.

There was something different about Firefly recently. Toph didn't know what, but it was different. But that was irrelevant now. The first priority was the stupid Snowflake.

Toph found Firefly in the garden, "Hey, we need to talk,"

Toph felt her handmaiden look up, "What do you need?"

She sighed, "It's about Snowflake. He's getting worse every day, his heart will explode at this rate,"

Luo-jin's confusion rung heavy through the earth, "What do you mean?"

"He's panicking, Firefly. Staying in one place too long stresses him out, but he feels guilty about leaving,"

Luo-jin seemed to understand now, "I see. But what did you need me for?"

Toph was mildly disappointed, Luo-jin was supposed to be the smart one, "Well, what do I do? It's not like I want him to leave, but even you have to have noticed how jumpy he's getting,"

Luo-jin sighed, "You want what's best for him, right?"

Of course she did. He's done so much for her, and though she's never had any siblings, she imagines that this is what having one is like. But Toph didn't know how to say any of that, so she nodded instead.

Luo-jin had a smile in her voice, "Then just talk to him. Let him know that you'll be fine on your own,"

Tobirama was trying to enjoy his tea - that was obtained entirely legally and not stolen from Toph's parents at all - when a deceptively adorable thing popped out of the ground.

Said deceptively adorable thing grabbed Tobirama's cup of tea and drank it all before speaking, "Hey, Snowflake, when are you heading out?"

Ah. There it is. He knew he couldn't stay. As much as he wanted to, shinobi instincts wouldn't let him. But leaving, it'd feel like he was abandoning his little sibling. Again.

Toph threw the teacup at his head, "There it is again, dumbass-"

"Language,"

"-oh, fuck you. Anyway, did you forget I can feel your heartbeat? You need to get your ass-"

"Language, youngling. Third time today,"

"For fuck's sake, just let me speak. You need to get your ass out of here, because whatever kind of habits you have are going to eat you alive if you don't get moving. I'll be fine, I'm plenty strong enough and I have Luo-jin. The trained soldier,"

She.... Had a point. Perhaps she was right. Still though, Tobirama didn't want to say goodbye to the girl.

Toph sighed, "I'll track you down at some point, Snowflake. Don't sweat it. Go find some cool science lab or something and steal from it. And take my and Firefly's bounty posters with you, just to keep us on your mind,"

Tobirama smiled. Yeah, she was right. He'll see them again at some point. Maybe he could introduce them to Suki. Wait, no. They'd get along too well. Tobirama doesn't have a death wish. He's got a promise to his family, after all.

Tobirama was thankful for the new boat. He was also somewhere between concerned and impressed that Toph was this good at stealing money from her parents. 

Oh, and he had a new map now. So that was good. 

He decided to head to the eastern air temple. Viewing 100 year old architecture would be fun. But maybe he'll head to Ba-Sing-Se after that. Whatever, he'll figure it out as he goes. Either way, air temple first. Maybe he can find Zhao at some point to harass as well, in Luo-jin's honor.

It took three weeks to get to the air temple. No thanks to the ocean currents. Seriously, Tobirama thought that water was supposed to be his thing.

In the spirit world, the ocean was almost pulling her hair out, "Oh fucking hell! If you would've stayed for just a little longer, we wouldn't have to watch this damn flaming hedgehog and his gay panic be, well, a gay panicking mess! This guy has been trying to find you for so bloody long now!"

The moon compassionately pat her wife on the shoulder, "Don't worry sweetheart. They'll find each other eventually,"

The sun - characteristically - sighed, "I hope so. Then we can stop watching that damn hedgehog being a mess of anxiety, confusion, and - as stated earlier - gay panic. Maybe we'll get a few months of peace even,"

The wind twirled his flute around his fingers, "When has that ever happened, Agni dear?"

The sun groaned, "Oh fuck you,"

The wind laughed, "Maybe later, when we have less of an audience,"

The earth choked on his drink, "Keep it in your bedroom you two, seriously,"

The earth found himself once more running for his life in fear of the wind.

Nügua made no move to help her husband.

Agni swore.

Upon his arrival at the eastern air temple, Tobirama was met with the sight of an old fire navy ship with the words Jasmine Dragon painted sloppily on the side. He sensed two familiar presences and decided to make his way through the island. 

Eventually, he found a shaggy-haired boy watching his uncle ponder over two different plants. Walking up behind said shaggy-haired boy, Tobirama spoke, "Youngling, what is your uncle doing?"

The boy seemed mildly surprised, as if he knew something was behind him, but didn't expect it to speak, "Oh, Tobirama, good to see you. Uncle's trying to decide which one's poison and which one's tea,"

Tobirama stared. And stared. And stared some more, "The one on the left produces a powerful hemotoxin that will literally melt your organs if ingested. The other - when touched - will release a chemical that is extremely phototoxic, when in contact with flesh of any sort, it will combust under sunlight,"

Zuko cursed, grabbed his uncle's robes and pulled him away. 

Tobirama didn't know what to do.

Chapter Text

Madara was going to do something very illegal. And preferably violent. Well, he already has in numerous occasions, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that the universe's dumbest (read: most intelligent but infuriatingly hard to find) Senju has always 'just left' wherever Madara tries to look for him.

Asshole.

Madara had just tracked rumors of the frosty asshole to a town called Gaoling. After eves dropping on some not-so-quiet gossiping children, Madara discovered that Tobirama had made regular appearances at an underground fighting ring, often seen with the champion, a girl called 'The Blind Bandit.' So, as anyone would, Madara found said underground fighting ring. It was pathetically easy. 

Tobirama wasn't there. Figures. But he saw the Blind Bandit - her skill was admirable - no red-eyed water bender, as if he needed reminding. So, once more as a normal person would, Madara found out where the Blind Bandit lived - some fancy rich people estate, Madara considered robbing them but figured that it would leave a poor impression on his next lead - and decided to approach her.

He jumped down from a tree, over the wall, and into the garden right in front of the girl. He was met with a smirking pre-teen and an angry-looking young adult. Why is it always violent young women? Seriously, how does Tobirama do it?

Said angry-looking young adult pointed a knife at him, "What do you want with my lady?"

The girl waved her off, "Don't get your knickers in a bunch, Luo-jin. You had no issues when Snowflake did it,"

"Yeah, well, he helped you kidnap me, so it's different,"

Wait wait, did Madara hear that right? "Tobirama's here?"

The girl cocked her head, seeming to consider something for a moment, "He was. He just left two weeks ago,"

Madara stared, taking a moment to comprehend what had been said.

A second or two later, he exploded, sparks flying from his mouth.

"Son of a bitch! I've been trying to find that bastard since I faked my goddamn death!"

The woman looked confused. The girl cackled. 

"Hey, Sparkles, last I knew, Snowflake was headed towards the eastern air temple,"

Madara grabbed a passing sheep-dove and screamed into it's fluff before letting it fly away.

The woman looked so done with the situation.

Madara cursed and stormed off.

The girl laughed until she fell over.

So, Madara managed to escape the demonic pre-teen and make it to a port town not too far to the east. The only issue, Madara left his hijacked ship on the other side of the earth kingdom. Oh well, he'll just have to steal a new one. Hopefully this one will be more fun to steal, not like the measly one guard on the last one. Maybe he'll be able to steal one of the larger ships and blackmail and/or threaten some of the soldiers into manning it for him. They'll be compensated, of course.

Probably.

If Madara manages to rob enough rich people to pay a decent salary to his completely willing employees.

Good news, even before Madara got the ship, he robbed some wealthy cabbage merchant - how does one get rich selling cabbage? - for almost all he had. The guy seemed decent enough, so Madara almost felt bad about making the guy restart his business from scratch.

Almost. 

Ah, well, at least he has enough to pay his future employees.

Now, he just needs a ship. 

Conveniently enough, some rude-looking Colonel named Milyan left his ship to go into port, 12 guards on board. Not being one to waste such an opportunity, Madara ended up scaling the side of the ship and knocked out three of the ones who looked like they were more strong-willed than the rest and threw them onti the dock. He proceeded to bribe/threaten the other nine to work for him before they promptly left the docks. This time, Madara got to revel in the distressed screaming of the Colonel as they sailed away at an impressive speed.

Agni cursed under his breath, "Why is this lunatic so incapable of doing anything legally?"

Vāyu looked up from painting his nails, "Dearest, since when did spirits have laws?"

The sun looked at his husband, "We don't, but the mortals do. And I do believe that the hedgehog has broken every single one of them,"

The wind inspected the stormy silver lacquer on his nails, "Hm, I'm mildly impressed,"

He paused before looking up at his radiant husband, "Agni honey, doesn't the fire nation have a law that you can't reincarnate without the Firelord's consent? Does that apply to people who lived their first, second, or both lives in the fire nation?"

Agni stopped spying on the funny mortal for a moment, "Honey, sweetie, light of my life, why are you like this?"

Madara's entirely willing crewmen were incredibly efficient. By helmsmen  Lin's estimate, they would be at the eastern air temple within the week. Madara could only hope that the frosty bastard would stay put.

Buuuttt knowing both Madara's luck and the idiot (read: infuriatingly dense genius) Senju's habits, he'll have to track him a ways more.

Shit.

He's not paid enough.

A little voice in the back of Madara's head reminded him that he wasn't payed at all.

Madara told the little voice that that was the point.

The little voice said turning left into incoming traffic is counterproductive.

Madara was confused.

Then he swore.

The helmsmen panicked as they turned as sharply as they could, furnaces on full blast, to avoid the imperial fire nation cruiser.

Mentally, Madara flipped off the little voice.

The little voice only laughed.

Not that Madara knew, but this little voice was Mara, a spirit infamous for causing problems.

This spirit was quite known in the spirit world as well. Solely for the fact that he'd stolen all of La's left shoes at one point. He was as close as a spirit could be to drowning afterwards.

Chapter Text

After the run in at the air temple, Tobirama took the boat gifted to him - and obtained completely legally - by Toph to the earth kingdom. Deciding that he did not, in fact, want to just leave his boat at some random port like a loser, he took a system of rivers further inland. Eventually, Tobirama came across a rich-looking area on his little boating adventure. Conveniently enough, there was a traveling circus in town, so, while everyone was enjoying the show, Tobirama resolved to take advantage of the situation and steal as many valuables he could.

Only from the people who seemed like they deserved it, though.

Seriously, having that many bright pink ruffles and porcelain dolls in one room should be a legitimate crime. Tobirama was traumatized.

One he recovered from the horrendous sight, he decided to slip out of the area before people returned from the circus.

Mission failed.

Rich people were returning, and - in his desperation to escape - Tobirama ran into three murder children who made Toph and Suki look tame.

The tallest threw knives (plural) at him, the shortest used a Hyūga-like kata to try and block his chi, while the last one tried to both set him on fire and electrocute him.

Naturally, he adjusted the first's stance so she could throw her blades silently and recommended learning a bit of close combat as well, he instructed the second in manipulating her chi in a way that would make her technique more effective, and offered the third information on the ration and katon styles he used in his old life that may be applicable to her.

This, at least, seemed to make the murder children a little less murderous. Key words: a little less.

Tobirama wondered how he always ended up with extremely feral and possibly rabid pseudo little sisters. He was collecting them like action figures at this point. He even had a limited edition: the angsty teen little brother.

Next step: figure out how to escape without the leveled up murder children - well - murdering him.

Azula watched the white-haired man slip down from the trees. His red eyes and catlike movements vaguely reminding her of Madara. She hated it.

As if on cue, Mai and Ty-Lee attacked the man alongside her. Said man however simply appeared behind Mai.

"Here, shift your hand like...... This. Good. It'll let you throw more swiftly and silently as well. You may want to invest time into close combat as well, in case an enemy gets close,"

Mai nodded, silent as her usual self, before throwing a knife at the man in the recommended way. It was, in fact, much more effective.

The man smiled and dodged before turning to Ty-Lee, "You're good, but try to channel your chi more. Direct it to your fingertips, it's more potent that way,"

Ty-Lee nodded excitedly, "Thanks, mister!"

He turned towards Azula, "You're a prodigy, no doubt, but you're trying to use refined executions of your power with an unrefined chi. Try meditating - during a thunderstorm is ideal - and feel the way the natural chi moves. Adjust your chi to that, and both your fire and lightning will be more refined,"

Azula shot more lightning at him, "Who are you, and where did you learn to move like that,"

He ducked out of the way, "Down, murder youngling. I'm Tobirama, and this is just how I fight,"

She launched fire at him, "Liar. Did my brother teach you that? Do you know Madara?"

He leaped over the fire, eyes wide in horror, "You- you said Madara's here? No, that's..... That's not good. That's really not good. He wants me very dead. You said you were his little sister? If I give you all of my belongings will you tell him I went south?"

Azula arched a brow, Mai sighed, and Ty-Lee looked like she was watching one of those stupid dramas she likes, "What the fuck-"

"Language, youngling,"

"Fuck off. What the fuck did you do to piss Madara off? He's probably the most chill person I've ever met,"

Ty-Lee nodded, "Definitely! He's so sweet. He taught me how to fight like this! Kind of, I altered it a bit,"

Mai groaned, "As much as I hate to agree, she's right,"

The man - Tobirama - paused, "Are we talking about the same Madara? Black or red eyes, flaming hedgehog tendencies?"

Did he just insult her brother? No, she would not let that fly, no sir-

Before Azula could commit a murder, Ty-Lee jumped in, "Yeah, sounds about right. He's got this weird obsession with floral perfumes and paper fans,"

".....Fuck,"

Azula smirked, "Language, iceling,"

The moon cackled, "Holy shit, did you see that hon? Agni's demon child just tabled the turns!"

The ocean sighed, braiding her wife's hair, "It's 'turned the tables,' dear. And he just found out that the guy that's wanted him dead forever reincarnated with him. His reaction seems pretty reasonable,"

The moon groaned, "But the flammable rodent doesn't want him dead. He's just so damn deep in the closet he's found Narnia,"

The wind looked up from painting his nails. Again, "What the fuck's Narnia?"

The ocean shrugged, "Best not to question it. Anyway, where's Agni?"

The wind snickered, "All of his shirts have been mysteriously burned. It's far to hot for so much fabric, anyway,"

The ocean looked vaguely disgusted when the moon looked amused, "There's hardly any shirt there to begin with. What difference is it going to make? Brother's tiddies are always on display anyway,"

The wind set down his nail brush, "That's the thing. There's hardly any fabric there. I told him to either cover up or loose the shirt, and he did neither. What was I supposed to do?"

The ocean grabbed the nearest pillow and screamed into it - on earth, people wondered why the waters were suddenly so violent - before looking up, "Could you please keep that in your bedroom? I know you have one,"

Chapter Text

Madara had tracked the stupid reincarnated idiot to the eastern air temple. Unfortunately for the sanity of all parties involved, Madara did not find the Senju on the island. Or any human life for that matter. He did, however find a cute little black and red snake-bat. Madara kept it. 

He named it Megumi.

Deciding that he was not paid enough to deal with the small army of flying lemurs that apparently wanted papaya, Madara returned to his ship. The ship's medic screeched upon seeing the snake-bat, claiming it was highly venomous. The snake gave Madara a reproachful look, crimson eyes glittering in a way that suggested something along the lines of 'Are you kidding me? This is the company you keep?' And proceeded to smack him in the face with one of it's large scaly wings.

Madara was confused, "Megumi, respectfully, what the shit? You don't have ears, and you can only see via thermal detection. How the fuck do you know what she did? And, you have no facial muscles. Or eyelids. There is no way you should be this expressive,"

Megumi snorted, making a small squeaking sound.

Madara cooed. He loved his snake-bat.

The snake-bat in question decided that Madara's hair looked comfortable, and proceeded to use it as a portable restroom.

Madara glared at his snake-bat, "You go to the bathroom once a week. Once. And you choose my head, really? Now I have to wash my hair. Oh well, I needed to re-oil it anyway. But sometimes I wonder why I kept you,"

Megumi stuck out it's little black tongue and flew over to Madara's stolen bookshelf, perching on a scroll and looking so impossibly smug.

Madara's eyes narrowed, "I'm going to find the fuzziest rat ever for your next meal,"

Megumi looked more affronted than any snake-bat should be able to.

Madara groaned and walked out the door. He was going to talk to the helmsmen. What they'll probably end up doing is going to the nearest port town and one again chase rumors. This time of the boat that Luo-jin said the little demon gave Tobirama.

Madara needed a raise.

Madara's income was..... Commission based.

Madara needed to steal from more rich people.

.........

Madara just had a wonderful idea.

He'd just steal from his 'father.' The guy has too much money anyway.

Hah, he thought the Senju was smart. This is even better than his 'hijacking Zhao's ship' plan. He'll just have to stop by one of the royal family's many, many banks and rob the hell out of it.

There were so many emotions on the sun's face as he watched the stupid mortal that it became unreadable. After an extended period of dumbfoundedness, he called over his shoulder to his husband, "Vāyu dearest, the flaming hedgehog is commiting crimes again,"

The wind stopped polishing his flute for a second and arched a brow, "And this is surprising why?"

Agni met his husband's eyes, "He's stealing from one of the fire nation's imperial banks,"

Vāyu shrugged, "Not as bad as the time he shoved Zhao in a box and mailed him to the palace,"

Agni choked on his saliva, "He did fucking what!?"

Vāyu only stared, "That's right, you weren't there for that. It was really funny. Apple in the mouth and everything,"

All of the earthlings, at that moment, wondered why the sun blackened for a moment. However, they were no longer concerned, seeing as things like this happened incredibly frequently.

Luo-jin that night had to spend all of her respite time comforting her fellow club member who was not paid enough. Although, to be fair, spirits aren't paid at all.

Meanwhile, in the southern water tribe, Sokka stood ready. Ready to sacrifice his life as the sole warrior, protecting his tribe from the fire nation. The metal navy ship crashed through the pitiful wall made if ice and snow. With a bone-chilling groan, a metal ramp crashed down. Down came a pale boy with an angry red scar over his face.

Sokka lowered into a rough fighting stance, and the fire nation coward raised his hands.

"Hello, Zuko here. Wow, everything's so cold and white. It's pretty. It also makes a lot of sense- sorry, I'm rambling. Anyway, I'm the ex-crown prince of the fire nation. I'm really sorry about your wall, we tried to aim for an area that looked easy to rebuild. I'm getting off topic again -"

Sokka would listen no more to the fire nation scum - not that he was listening to begin with - so he charged. 

The fire nation boy easily sidestepped, "Woah! Hey, hey, we're not here to fight. Just tea merchants. And wanted fugitives but that's beside the point,"

Sokka swung his spear again, but the boy just grabbed it and threw it so the side, "Will you just listen?"

At that moment, Sokka heard a laugh. He looked up to it's point of origin and saw an old man walking down the ramp, "Nephew, do you require assistance?"

The boy snorted.

Katara walked up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Sokka, just hear them out for a second. They don't seem hostile,"

Sokka sighed, resigned, "Fine. But they do much as breathe the wrong way, I attack again,"

The boy threw up his hands, "Thank you! It is really cold here. Anyway, because you were too busy attacking me to listen, I'm Zuko and we're tea merchants. Not my idea. Anyway, we were coming down to trade - as merchants do - and deliver some stuff from one of your fleets when there was this really big blast of light. Then a flare went off, so I was just wondering if you guys were having issues with spirits or something? Oh, shit, I'm rambling again, sorry,"

It took Sokka a full minute to process what, exactly, the boy had said. When he did - 

"Okay, first, why are you worried about spirits? Second, what fleet was it and what did they send?"

The old man laughed.

The boy - Zuko - looked generally overwhelmed, "Um, the fleet was led by a guy named Hakoda, and he sent some stuff for his kids. I think that's you?"

Bot Katara and Sokka snapped to attention at that, but continued to listen, as the spirit thing was mildly concerning.

" - and, well, spirits are cool. We've also been checking out any signs of the avatar-"

Just then, Aang flew in and planted his staff, looking more serious than Sokka had ever seen him, "Are you looking for me?"

Zuko's face brightened, "Wish, you're an air bender! Uncle do you see this? Air bender youngling, could I pick your brain a bit? I saw some old depictions of katas in some of the temples and tried to incorporate them into fire bending. It worked, but I couldn't get it quite right. Do you think you can help? Oh! I can give you some fire bending katas as well, but a lot of the older ones are gone after Sozin Style became regularized,"

Aang  immediately dropped his guard, and Sokka resulted the urge to facepalm as the child spoke, "Oh, that sounds really cool! And I remember some of the really old fire bending katas that my friend Kuzon showed me 100 years ago, too! It'd be awesome to see how things have changed!"

Zuko choked on his saliva, "You're over 100? Wow, I didn't expect that, you don't look a day over 12. But that works out well either way,"

Sokka sighed, "First; Aang, you're the avatar!? Second; Zuko or whatever, why are you looking for him?"

The fire nation boy looked embarrassed, "Right, sorry, I got distracted. Anyway, we haven't really been looking so to speak. Just checking out any leads that are on the way. We really don't like the war, but we don't exactly have a lot of military force, so we're not going to skip on the chance of having the avatar beat my father's ass,"

Sokka almost laughed. Almost. This guy really liked to ramble. But more importantly - "Why do you want to beat your dad's ass? What would that do?"

Zuko blinked owlishly, looking confused for a moment. Then, just like that, the realization seemed to dawn on him, "Oh, fuuuuuck. I probably should have started with that. No, I did start with that, just not explicitly. You were also not listening, but instead trying to stab me. Well, no then you would've tried to kill me even more if you were listening. But the Fire Lord is my father. I said some 'disrespectful' - heavy emphasis on the air quotes - shit and got my ass banished,"

Sokka...... Had not a clue what to do with that information. He needed a raise.

He wasn't paid at all.

Fuck.

In the spirit world, Agni - who was drinking vodka straight from the bottle - offered a respectful nod to the poor mortal boy he was observing, "I feel ya, kid,"

Vāyu, who was drinking a far more respectable beverage known as tea, sighed. Setting down his cup, he rose and walked over to his husband, "Dearest, you really must stop adding confused moral children to your club,"

Agni leaned his head on his husband's shoulder, "Fine. Maybe. Is ascending them to spirithood out of the question?"

The wind stared at the sun - kids, don't do this unless you're a spirit, it's less than wise - "Agni, honey, there are so many things wrong with that statement I don't know where to begin,"

The sun shrugged, taking another sip from the bottle before coughing, "It's really shitty I can't get drunk. And that the spirit world only makes vodka that tastes like dirty foot water,"

The wind once more stared at the sun, "Okay, first, if you got drunk, every living thing on earth is utterly screwed. Next, why the fuck do you know what dirty foot water tastes like?"

Chapter Text

Madara was..... Horrified, to say the least. He thought Megumi would stay at her - her? - adorable little size, as most venomous snakes do. However - after having her for some time - she's grown to be quite large. Eight feet, to be exact. Madara decided to talk to Maomei, the healer that informed him that Megumi was, in fact venomous. He was informed that his snake-bat would get over 14 feel long. The snake-bat in question looked more smug than Azula did after her flames turned blue.

Madara was fucked. Wholly, utterly, fucked.

Was he going to get rid of Megumi? Absolutely not. Would she let him if he tried? When hell freezes over and the sky turns green.

Megumi was - as Madara had initially feared - very intent in her wants. It sort of reminded him of Izuna.

But, back to the very demanding snake-bat, the little shit requires constant warmth - he knows this one's for survival, but she's excessive about it - and to be bathed every day. Madara once, early on, forgot about this. Megumi had proceeded to pick up a knife and chase him around until he agreed to bathe her with his favorite perfume. His favorite perfume was ironically her favorite as well.

Madara needed to rob more rich people. 

Now, robbing his 'father's' bank has worked, and Madara acquired a not-so-small fortune. However, needing to constantly buy new perfumes and silverware - because helmsmen Jing always uses them as weapons despite having her own throwing knives - was pricey, to say the least. Logically, Madara knew he could just steal everything. He should, but he feared Lanying's - the cook - wrath more than bankruptcy. And Lanying, well, she is.... less than fond of theft. 

Small plus side if things, the cabbage merchant that he robbed a while back seemed to be starting up again rather nicely. In a year or so Madara's confident that he'll have a decent business going for himself. That is, as long as nothing terrible happens. But, what's the worse that could happen?

Somewhere, far away in-between the universal fabrics, the omniscient gods laughed.

Megumi watched her dumb human try to find his husband. Dumb human insisted it wasn't like that, but Megumi knew better. She's been around a while, after all. Though, this was the first time she was given a name. It was nice. She liked that her dumb human immediately claimed and named her, unlike the stupid air people who simply nodded at her in 'respect' and carried on with their lives.

The floral perfume her dumb human always had on hand was also nice. Previously mentioned dumb human was also extremely easy to force into doing her bidding. She tried to stab him once and he's never again forgotten to bathe her. He even adds the nice perfume oil every time.

The weekly rats - soon to be rabbits, it'll be fun to watch him try to get those on board - were quite wonderful as well. Other stupid people always functioned under the impression that she ate once a month, not aware that she, in fact, did not work like the other snake hybrid that lived on the island.

He's long dead by now, though. Good riddance.

Anyway, it was easy for them to monitor her, seeing as she was quite possibly the last snake-bat on the planet and they wanted to 'preserve her spices.' 

What a load of lion-bullshit.

Well, naming aside, Megumi loves her dumb human. Yes, she knows his name is Madara, but he's human and he's dumb. She would gladly inject every drop of her venom into the twitching corpse of anyone who dared even attempt to hurt him. So his not-husband's going to have to be approved by her, first.

She's got high hopes, though, after listening to dumb human talk about him for hours.

The medical human, however, has Megumi's begrudging respect. She's smart, yes, but apparently snake-bats and bat-snakes have gotten confused over the years. They're incredibly similar, yes. But nowadays, Megumi would be called a bat-snake, instead of the snake-bat she is - or was, when the foolish mortals first started naming animals. However, the foolish humans have come to believe that what is modernly known as a bat-snake had gone extinct. Works for her though, still known as a snake-bat either way. Thankfully, their care methods are almost the same, so her dumb human won't accidentally kill her, and she can just harass him into altering what needs to be.

Sokka..... Didn't know how he ended up here. The ex-crown prince of the fire nation showed up on his doorstep one day, began nerding out with the avatar, agreed to take him to the North Pole to learn water bending, Sokka's sister decided to go as well, so now Sokka was in their boat as well.

He doesn't understand it either.

But Zuko's a cool dude, all things considered. He's got dual dao swords and knows how to use them. And a lot of other miscellaneous weapons. Why does a fire bender need no many weapons? They've got a super powerful one built in?

Eh, whatever. What matters is that Zuko's teaching Sokka to swordfight. The guy's a good teacher, surprisingly.

After a - frankly speaking - horrible episode with Aang at the southern air temple, Sokka learned that Zuko was way to good at sneaking around and getting into places he shouldn't be. It was mildly concerning. Related to the previously mentioned fact, the moment they got back to the ship, Aang interrogated Zuko about it.

"Wait- you said you've been to the air temples before,"

"Yeah? They're the first places I went once I was banished. Before Tobi set me straight,"

Tui arched a brow, "Honey, you are far from straight,"

La looked up at her wife, "Not what he meant, dear,"

Tui flushed - earthlings admired the pink moon that night - "Oh, I knew that,"

"How though?"

"What do you mean?"

"Only air benders with sky bison should be able to get in,"

"Really? It wasn't very hard. This was even before Tobi taught me to compensate for my blind spot,"

"What in the name of Vāyu....?"

The spirit in question shrugged, "Kid's got a talent for it,"

Agni looked down at his husband, who was laying across his chest, "Like the time when he was six and broke into the caldera prison because he was bored?"

Vāyu nodded, "Exactly,"

Sokka paused, "Who's Tobi? You've mentioned them a few times now,"

Zuko hummed, looking over at Sokka, "Oh, he's..... Wait. Shit. Do you have a brother?"

Sokka, for all his genius, was confused, "Yeah? He's off at war with our dad. Why?"

Zuko nodded, "Would he happened to be named Tobirama and gave white hair?"

Sokka swore, "How the fuck do you know our brother?"

Zuko squinted his eye, "Well, uncle just, kind of, picked him up one day? He taught me some cool shit and left. I ran into him again a month or two ago at the eastern air temple,"

Sokka was left dumbfounded, "......... What the fuck?"

Agni sat up, but his husband smacked him so he promptly layed back down, "Honey, I know what you said about recruiting children into the club-"

"No."

"But-"

"No,"

"......... I'll let you keep a parrot in the house,"

"Deal,"

That night, Sokka experienced his bi awakening when he was met in his dream with a tall, tan, muscular man. Said man handed Sokka some paperwork.

"Fill these out,"

"Why?"

"To join the club,"

"Alright?"

The only issue, though, was that Sokka couldn't write. Or read. Very well, at least. He was taught that bare minimum, sure. But paper, ink, and literature of any sort is hard to come by in the southern water tribe. And there's only so much stick scribbles in the snow could teach you.

The tall, tan, muscular man let him join anyway. 

A Sokka didn't know what club he just joined.

Chapter Text

Tobirama was having tea with the murder children. The sunshine one piled a truly horrific amount of sugar into her cup, the dead-inside one drank hers plain, while the one he was mostly sure was related to Zuko drank her's with a tasteful amount of honey. How did Tobirama find himself in this situation, one may ask? Well, after pointing out some areas needing improvement in the girls' fighting styles, the lightning girl said he moved like her brother.

Tobirama, confused, said he'd only helped Zuko with a few minor things.

The girl rolled her eyes, said something along the lines of "of course you know him," and proceeded to talk about her other older brother, Madara.

Tobirama almost had a heart attack.

Even the dead-inside girl snickered.

The lightning girl invited him inside her ship for a cup of tea.

Must be a family thing.

Which led Tobirama to where he was now, sitting across from three murder children he still didn't know the names of.

"So," the lightning girl said as a servant handed him some tea, "You know my brothers,"

A statement, not a question, "If the Madara you speak of is who I think he is, yes,"

Knife girl looked vaguely interested. The small one - for some reason - had a firework. 

It was knife girl that spoke next, "Shaggy porcupine hair, color changing eyes, fire bender?"

Tobirama sighed. Hopefully, Madara wasn't murderous and evil. Well, Murphy's law, "Yep, that's him,"

Somewhere, Madara sneezed.

Lightning girl smirked, "Knew he wasn't dead. Do you know where he went, peasant?"

Tobirama coughed, "Well, rude. And I have utterly no clue where he is. It's been years since I've seen him. Though one thing's for certain, he's not dead. I pity anyone who tried to kill him,"

Knife girl snorted, lightning girl grinned, "That's the brother I know - Ty-Lee put that out before you blow us all up,"

Happy girl - Ty-Lee? - had somehow managed to ignite the fuse to the firework. Tobirama, not one for taking risks - for non-scientific purposes, that is - flicked a finger, effectively pulling water from the air and using it to extinguish the fuse.

Happy girl oooohed, knife girl sighed, lightning girl raised an eyebrow, "Oh, you're a water bender. Intriguing,"

Tobirama mentally cursed. He just opened a can of worms, didn't he? "Yes, I am. First time meeting one?"

Lightning girl nodded, "I'm afraid it is. You intrigue me, peasant. What's your name?"

Tobirama needed a raise. Peasant? Really? "Tobirama. And you three are.....?"

Happy girl was indeed Ty-Lee. Knife girl was Mai. Lightning girl was her highness first Princess Azula of the fire nation.

This is fine. Everything's fine.

The murder children - Ty-Lee, specifically - insisted he stay a few days before he carries on his way. Ty-Lee was apparently part of the traveling circus that was in town. 

Speaking of background information on the murder children, Mai was a governor's bored daughter and Azula just craved chaos. So, all in all, not much different from the previous younglings he's encountered.

Ty-Lee's troupe was indeed quite talented. Tobirama was glad he stayed a couple extra days to watch. However, he needed to get moving again. If he hears any rumors of Madara along his wanderings, he may check them out too, even if just to ensure he's not evil.

In the spirit world, the moon was laughing to the point she could hardly breathe. Not that she needed to, but the point still stands, "Oh shit, La honey, come look at this!"

The ocean turned towards her wife, "What is it?"

"Tobi, he just found out that Madara's here! And, get this, he's going to 'check out any rumors he hears on his travels!'" The moon buckled, using the wall to support herself.

La snorted, "Wait, really? Well shit. Grade A entertainment right here. Do the others know?"

Tui cackled, "No, but they will soon. Agni, Vāyu, Nügua, Dangun, come check this out!"

All four summoned spirits then materialized nearby. Agni had a bottle of vodka he was drinking, Vāyu was polishing his flute with a bemused expression on his face, Nügua had a cup of tea, and Dangun had a large bruise - could spirits even bruise? - on his arm.

La regarded the earth, "What happened?"

Dangun sighed, "A ruined Vāyu's house again,"

Tui snorted, "Forgot that, come check this out!"

Every one of the high spirits, at that moment, decided that they needed a raise.

The omniscient gods of the interdimensional fabric laughed at their pain.

Madara was getting closer to the frosty bastard. Every new place he stops, the amount of time that's passed since the Senju asshole left is shorter than the last. Which is good.

Or, it would be if Madara didn't come to the sudden realization that the last time he saw the infuriating genius was in their last life, where they tried to kill each other. Megumi - who was now abe to function as a comically large scarf and cloak duo when she was on his shoulders - found this utterly hilarious. 

Madara honestly forgot why he was looking for Tobirama in the first place. It's not like Madara wanted to go back to his old world, he had nothing left there - a realization that struck him one night and didn't let him sleep. Perhaps he was looking for the familiarity that such an old acquaintance would bring.

Right, he remembered now. He wanted to end the earth, and there was no better person to go to than Tobirama. How did he manage to forget that? Maybe his old age is finally getting to him. But his current body was like, 19. So that'd just be unfair.

Megumi smacked him with the fin-like thing on the end of her tail - it helps stabilize her flight - to snap him out of thought and glared at him from where she lay in the steamy water. She had just shed - terrified lieutenant Mira in the process - so she demanded Madara take extra care as to keep her new scales shiny as can be.

Madara groaned, "Alright, Megumi. I'll heat the water up again,"

Her black tongue flickered judgementally.

"And I'll add some of the salt you like,"

She stared.

"How the ever loving fuck are you like this? I've never figured it out,"

She shrugged, her large leathery wings splashing water everywhere with the movement.

"Case and point. You don't even have ears, yet here you are,"

Her tongue flickered again and Madara could have sworn her eyes narrowed.

He threw his hands up and turned around, "You don't have blasted eyelids!"

Madara heard a vague clattering sound and regretted it immediately when he turned around to see Megumi holding a knife with her tail. He marched back over, dumped in a handful of salt, and used his fire bending to warm the Water.

Megumi hissed, pleased, as she set the knife down.

"I don't even know where you got that,"

She snorted.

"Yeah, yeah. 'You have your secrets, I have mine,' am I right, you chaos spawn?"

She sneezed.

"The spoon will not kill you, let me scoop your scale polish out peacefully, will you?"

Megumi looked skeptical.

Madara laid a towel out as Megumi slid out of the bath to dry herself off so the scale polish was at it's 'maximum effect,' whatever that means.

Madara sighed, "You know, I'm really glad I stole a boat small enough to fit down these rivers. If I had anything larger, we would have had to keep it at the mouth of the river while we traveled upstream in a small vessel, and you couldn't have such extravagant baths,"

Megumi looked genuinely disgusted as the idea.

Madara sighed, "I heard there's a traveling circus in the next town up, do you wanna check that out once we get there?"

She flicked her tongue.

"I am not a nerd. That doesn't even make sense, how is a circus nerdy? How do you even know that word?"

She snorted.

Madara was glad that today was her feeding day so he could use this particular threat, "You're catching your own dinner tonight,"

On an unrelated note, Megumi picked up the knife.

On an even more unrelated note, Madara got Megumi her food.

Chapter Text

Madara made it to the circus town and ran into one teensy issue. His sister was here. He was glad she's doing alright, absolutely. But he's also dreading the confrontation almost as much as he is Tobirama's. He could just sneak through, but Azula will definitely find out. At that point, Madara would be lucky to be skinned alive.

So, here he was, sneaking aboard her highness Princess Azula's imperial cruiser. Using the rafters to get into a training hall undetected, Madara watched his little sister and her stabby friend spar. Hand to hand. If Ozai was dead, he'd be spinning in his grave. 

The Hyūga-like child was giving the other two pointers. Or, apparently, just repeating pointers from 'Tobi.' 

Fuck.

Of course Tobirama had helped the violent small children. He seemed to do that with every child he comes across - cough - Toph and Suki - cough - and Madara's sanity was so done with it.

To be fair, he did the same thing with Yue.

He didn't regret it in the slightest.

Madara jumped down from the rafters, landing silently behind his sister. The stabby girl's eyes widened and the Hyūga-like one shrieked.

"What?" His sister snapped, not realizing his presence.

"Um, don't kill me?"

Madara should have brought Megumi. On second thought, he was glad he didn't. She'd betray him for his sister.

Azula whirled around, bright blue flame in hand, "You- Madara...?"

Madara laughed, trying to cover up his growing dread, "Hello. I'm not dead!"

She rolled her eyes and put out her flame. Her friends snuck out the door, "Well I knew that much. Tobirama told me,"

Madara felt himself start to smoke, "That bastard knew I was here and still kept moving? Motherfucker, I've been trying to track him down for years!"

Azula laughed, quite in character for the girl, "He seemed surprised, something about how he didn't realize you were here as well. Whatever that meant,"

Madara was still confused. Even more so when the fire suppression systems activated, successfully drenching him.

Azula stared, "You were smoking,"

I tried to pat her in the head.

Key word: tried.

She set his clothes on fire.

After a..... heartfelt reunion, Azula told Madara where Tobirama was headed next. After giving his sister a gift - some stolen fancy perfume - Madara set off to find Tobirama, following the river until he came across a port with the little boat Luo-jin described at the docks.

With Megumi draped like an oversized cloak scarf thing, Madara set off. Thankfully, people tend to pay attention to where an albino goes, seeing at such coloring is rather rare, and everything pays attention to what's rare. After much running around, Madara spotted a familiar silhouette dressed in dark blue. 

Madara started to run.

Agni watched the scene, his husband next to him, "Do you think it'll work this time?"

Vāyu shrugged, "If it doesn't, I'll go down there myself and lock them in a room together until they sort things out,"

Agni laughed, kissing his husband's brow, "Dearie, you know we can't interfere in mortal matters. Much, at least,"

Vāyu sighed, looking resigned, "Then I'll catch them both in a tornado and get Dangun to trap them in a cave. No direct interference necessary, just a series of natural disasters,"

Agni chuckled, "Hopefully, that won't be necessary. Maybe we'll get a break at last,"

Vāyu sighed, "Unlikely,"

Tobirama walked through the market. He's been rather on edge recently, probably because of the chi he felt earlier. It was incredibly familiar, but he couldn't place it. And Tobirama's memory was exceptional. So it was..... unsettling, to say the least.

He felt the chi get closer to him, fast. He froze.

"Fucking wait, you frosty bastard!"

Tobirama couldn't breathe. There was only one person in both his lives that called him that. He turned around and saw none other than Madara headed towards him, clad in a large leathery cloak.

Tobirama jumped to a rooftop and got into a forest clearing, so none of the villagers would be hurt if they fought.

Madara appeared a second later, "Really? Did you have to run? I've been tracking your snowy ass forever, just stay put,"

Tobirama was confused, do he lowered his stance, ready to jump into battle at a moment's notice, "How are you here?"

Madara rolled his eyes, "Same as you. Thought you were supposed to be a genius,"

Tobirama scowled, "What do you want?"

"Fucking-"

"Language,"

"...... What?"

"I understand where Zuko got it from now. You're a terrible influence,"

"Rude. I'm a great influence - I still gotta smack you at some point, though,"

"Before or after you try to kill me?"

"Why the fuck would I want you dead? You're the smartest person I know, and I need this damn war to end. You know what, Megumi, deal with it,"

Madara unwrapped his cloak, which turned out to be a snake-bat. Said snake-bat flew towards him and promptly draped itself over him. Tobirama felt it's chi.

"Madara, where did you find a three hundred year-old snake-bat?"

Madara stared, "She's fucking what!?"

Tobirama swore the serpentine creature laughed.

He turned towards the creature on his shoulders, "You are venomous, correct?"

The snake-bat nodded.

Madara screeched, "The hell, Megumi!? You don't have ears!?"

Tobirama ignored him, "Would you mind giving me a sample?"

The snake-bat - Megumi? - gave the vague impression of arching a brow, as if to say 'Now? Do you want me to bite you?'

Tobirama shrugged, "I'm not sure if this body has my old poison resistance, but there's one way to find out,"

Madara appeared at his side, picking the serpentine creature up, "No, no. We are not experimenting with poison after I spent so long tracking you down. I need your brain to end the war, frosty dumbass,"

Tobirama blinked, "So, you're not evil?"

The man in question screamed, "No! Good lord!"

The snake-bat went back to Tobirama's shoulders.

Madara glared, "Traitor,"

Chapter Text

Katara - if she was to be honest - didn't completely trust Zuko. He didn't seem evil, per say, more like he was hiding things. But that's a problem for future Katara. Current Katara had to figure out how to get her hand all of the other idiots untied from a post.

How did they end up tied to a post, one may ask? Well, Aang wanted to go fish surfing or something on Kyoshi Island. Before they knew it, they all were unconscious with bags over their heads. 

Katara was the first person to awaken, and she was met with the sight of green-clad women and a few old, important-looking people. 

Katara kicked her brother.

His scream woke both Aang and Zuko.

Iroh and the rest of Zuko's crew were still on the ship. Katara didn't know what she hoped they'd do. Not burning down an island would be preferable, though. But she didn't know enough about the weird fire benders to be able to predict what kind of action they'll take.

Sokka, being Sokka, lurched forward, "Who are you? Where are the men who captured us?"

One of the green-clad women stepped up, "There were no men. We were the ones who captured you,"

Though she couldn't see his face, Katara could tell that Sokka was affronted, "But you're-"

This time, it was Zuko who kicked him, "These are the Kyoshi Warriors, dumbass. Told you we shouldn't have come here,"

Katara could feel the confusion radiating from her brother, "But they're just a bunch of girls- ow!"

Zuko kicked him again, "They're an elite team of warriors! Not 'just' anything! Tobi told me about them, he said their combat prowess is incredible!"

Aang laughed.

The girl in front of them laughed, "You know Tobi?"

Katara heard Sokka take one of those deep breaths he usually did before a long rant.

She kicked him again.

"He's our brother. He also showed up on Zuko's ship at some point, apparently,"

Zuko hummed, "I'm pretty sure he'd just left here, to be honest,"

The girl shrugged and stepped forward, but a middle-aged woman cleared her throat, "Suki, just because they know Tobi doesn't mean we can ignore security measures,"

At this Aang decided to speak up, "If it's worth anything, I'm the avatar,"

The girl - the woman called her Suki - rolled her eyes, "The a avatar's been gone for a hundred years,"

Aang air bended over the statue, ripping his ropes off, "Believe me now?"

The villagers oooohed, but the green-clad women just scoffed. One of them standing towards the back spoke up, "We can acknowledge that you're an air bender, but it's not that impressive. The ability to bend has nothing to do with character or combat prowess,"

The man who seemed to be the village elder stepped forward, holding his hands up on a placating gesture, "Now, now. Let's not get hostile. Suki, be a dear and let them go, will you?"

The girl - Suki - untied Katara first, giving her an apologetic smile. When the girl was untying Sokka, however.....

Well, Katara always knew her brother was a bit of an idiot.

Said idiot brother went to 'apologize' later on. Katara followed him. She wanted to see this.

Zuko came too. He told her he wanted to witness the Kyoshi Warriors' battle prowess when he wasn't on the (unwilling) receiving end so he could properly appreciate it.

Watching her brother get his ass handed to him was wonderful, but Katara spent most of the time watching the way the warriors moved. She recognized some of Tobirama's influence in the style, but that wasn't what caught her eye. No, it was the way they simply redirected the attacks. Something about it felt so..... right.

She'd have to get them to teach her at some point. Katara wondered if she'd get to wear one of those stunning armored dresses as well.

Zuko fully supported her decision, and even asked her to compliment the warriors' makeup for him, as he had to go and make sure his uncle didn't fill the ship's storage with tea.

It was then that Katara decided that she completely trusted Zuko. Whatever secrets he has are irrelevant. A non-sexist prince who can recognize good makeup? Katara just found herself a best friend.

Sokka ended up being trained by the middle aged woman they saw earlier. Her name is Hua, apparently. The spectacle was surely amusing, but Katara didn't get to watch much of it, as Suki was very..... intensive with her training. 

Tui quirked a brow, casting a glance to her wife.

La pinched the bridge of her nose, "Dearest Tui, my love, my soul, it's called combat training,"

The moon shrugged, "I'm just saying, the way the warrior girl is-"

"No." The ocean cut her off, "No. Stop. Bad moon spirit. Don't make me get the spray bottle,"

Said bad moon spirit grinned suggestively.

La coughed, "Oh fuck you,"

"Oh most definitely. Once we get home, love,"

Agni, who was previously drinking tea with his husband, spat out his drink, "For hell's sake Tui, keep that to yourself!"

Vāyu pat his husband on the back. 

Dangun eyed the wind warily.

Nügua needs a raise.

Far away, the omniscient gods drank bean water and milk while laughing at the figures that acted as little more than entertainment for them.

In the midst of their training, Suki sneezed.

Katara gaver the warrior a tissue.

Chapter Text

Madara was convinced that the white-haired dumbass had zero sense of self-preservation. Three times had Madara had to stop the mad scientist from getting Megumi to bite him. He's had the weirdo for two days. At one point, Tobirama tried to jump off of the top of the ship. Something about manipulating his own blood in order to fly or something.

As if that was bad enough, apparently chakra and chi have the same basic applications. So while Madara can't use any sort of elemental release - besides fire and lightning - he can still use his sensing and that walk on walls/water thing.

That aside, Madara has hardly let Tobirama out of his sight since the jumping off the boat incident

Unfortunately, Madara allowed the frosty dumbass some freedom. He had no idea where the lunatic went. Suddenly, the ship lurched forward and began to move three times as fast as it should be able to.

Madara went to the engine room.

To absolutely no one's surprise, Tobirama was there. Soot smeared on his face as he stood proudly in front of some weird contraption that used to be the boiler.

"What-" Madara began, "-did you do?"

Tobirama grinned - Madara didn't know Tobirama could do that three days ago - "This thing here can harness natural chi, convert it to purified sun chi, and use it to power the ship 500% more effectively that before!"

Madara took a moment to process this, "I'm sorry- what the fuck!?"

"Language,"

Vāyu stared, "Agni-?"

The sun spirit in question was eating some spirit-lettuce, "Yes dear?"

Vāyu oped and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find the words, "Tobi just figured out how to convert natural chi into sun chi. Your chi. And he's using it to power the porcupine's ship,"

Agni choked, "EXcuse-fucking-me!? He what!?"

The wind handed his husband a bottle of wine.

It was gone within minutes.

The omniscient gods looked skeptically upon the scene. This couldn't be healthy. But they didn't really care, anyway. It technically was their doing.

Madara took a deep breath, "Do you mind explaining-?"

Tobirama practically glowed, "Of course! See, natural chi can be harnessed by non-benders, right? By using some of the crew's DNA - via blood samples or hair - and a donated shed from Megumi - as she's pretty much a minor spirit at this point - I made a fun little compound that can draw natural chi into the machine, where it will then act as a catalyst of sorts, purifying it. By treating the metal with my own chi - which has traces of both the contradicting forms of chi in it: moon and ocean, for some reason - I can prevent the sun chi from escaping the tubes as it's fed throughout the ship as a source of power!"

Madara was.... impressed to say the least, "I'm so glad you're on our side,"

Tobirama tilted his head, "What other side would I be on?"

Madara narrowed his eyes. Mentally, he thanked every deity in existence that his evil phase had ended and he was no longer fighting this dude.

Dangun nodded, "I agree with porcupine. 100%. I wouldn't want to fight that either.

Nügua was unimpressed.

The omniscient gods hummed, very glad they were, in fact, omniscient.

Madara shook himself from that trainwreck of a thought process and sighed, "Nevermind. Anyway, could you inform me the next time you decide to drastically alter the ship?"

Tobirama smiled sheepishly, "Oh, yeah. Sure,"

Madara..... couldn't find it in him to stay mad at the former Senju. It was curious, but that was something for future Madara to deal with.

So, present Madara sighed, patted Tobirama on the head - something the mad scientist looked both perplexed and delighted at - sighed again, and spoke, "Alright, thanks. But most importantly, none of your experiments will involve putting yourself in danger, got it?"

He pouted. The white demon, the Senju ghost, the scourge of the Uchiha pouted. Terrifying indeed. 

It was impressive. Over the course of two days, almost every single one of Madara's beliefs about the man had been proven very wrong.

Also a problem for future Madara.

At some point, future Madara screamed, cursing his past self.

Agni was practically crying in relief as he watched the scene. He turned towards his husband, who was in a similar state, "Do you see this? They've finally done it! Well, not quite, but it's progress!"

Vāyu nodded, "Once they finally get together our stress will be cut in half. And your sister will finally stop being so...."

The earthlings wondered why the sun dulled for a moment, "Right..... But she may have found another set of mortals to fangirl over,"

All of a sudden, every wind current on the planet froze, "Shit,"

Chapter Text

Madara was done with the situation. He - like a normal person would - directed his ship to Ba Sing Se, where they could gather forces to kick an angry fire dude's ass. But it could never be that simple, could it?

No.

While at a tiny village port, Tobirama managed to hear a rumor about some fancy library in the Si Wong Desert. Which led to Madara's current predicament.

Walking through a damn desert. For days. With dwindling rations.

No, Tobirama, stop feeding random desert foxes. They've survived perfectly fine until now, and they'll continue to do so.

Thankfully, Tobirama somehow managed to pull sufficient amounts of water from the desert air. But Megumi was not happy about the sand in her scales. Or her wings. Or her - well - anything, really.

No, bad Madara. Stay positive. The crew is back on the ship, so they aren't complaining.

Wait-

Fuck, the crew wasn't a willing crew in the first place. The one copper coin in Madara's shoe says that they're going to steal the altered ship and flee. Isn't this just wonderful.

Well fortunately - or unfortunately in Madara's case, as he's the one that has to carry all of it because Tobirama's busy 'documenting' or whatever - all of the white-haired idiot's notes and whatnot are with them.

Why Tobirama felt the need to bring them? Madara had no fucking clue. 

Well, no. That's a lie. He said something about an offering to the knowledge spirit of the library. Though if you ask Madara, that sounds a little but like a cult.

....

Hopefully offerings aren't mandatory. Madara could offer a crude guide to serving a snake-bat at best. And even that's pushing it.

Currently, Tobirama was inspecting a cactus while using Megumi's wings as shade so he could take notes. Madara was..... just kind of standing there really.

Or, at least he was. Until a certain red-eyed idiot decided to try to drink the cactus juice.

The omniscient gods laughed. Sure they knew everything because, well, omniscience - but the flaming hedgehog should be aware of himself enough to realize that he, too, possessed red eyes at times.

So Madara scrambled forward like a bat-snske - not a snake-bat, very different thank you very much - out of hell, slapping the offending chunk of cactus away and gripping his dumbass by the shoulders, "What the fuck Tobirama!? That might be poisonous!"

Tobirama simply shrugged, the movement mirrored by Megumi. Sometimes Madara couldn't tell if the snake-bat loved or hated Tobirama.

"It's not poisonous. I'm pretty sure it's just a hallucinogenic, so I wanted to see what sort of effect it had."

It took all of Madara's willpower to not smack his forehead, "No, Tobirama, no. Just- please do not ingest random things with undetermined effects."

As Madara was dragging him away, Tobirama whined - how did Madara ever think this man was an emotionless demon? Oh whatever, "But Madara, it could have medicinal effects! Or I could use it to make a disorienting serum or gas to avoid casualties in battle! Just consider-"

Madara scoffed, "I'm considering all right. I'm considering your safety, dumbass. Remember what you promised? No experiments that place you in harms way."

Struggling to his feet with an indignant huff, Tobirama dusted sand from his clothes and Megumi's wings - at her request demand, "Nothing serious would have happened. Probably."

Madara had the urge to bang his head against something - preferably solid. Perhaps that stone tower sticking out if the dune over there, "We're not going to test that."

Wait.

Wait a fucking minute-

"Tobirama, do you suppose that the thing sticking out of the sand is the top of the library?"

With a shrug, Tobirama headed towards the tower with much more energy than before, "One way to find out."

Madara groaned, happily reluctantly following, "If you get us killed, make it painless at least."

The white-haired idiot walked up the side of the tower before promptly jumping into it while Megumi flew for herself - with an unnecessary number of flips and flourishes. Leaving Madara to wonder how this became his life before following the two 

Inside what could only be the library, Madara watched his curious dumbass stare in awe, bemused as Tobirama started muttering, "Exquisite.... Madara, do you suppose-"

But, because fate detests the both of them, a voice spoke from behind, "Whatever is the cause of your visit? I'll have you know I don't take kindly to uninvited guests anymore."

Madara turned around to face-

What the shit?

Holy fuck, that is a massive owl.

Tobirama made a 'huh' noise.

Megumi hissed in glee.

Madara did not want to be here, but was glad he was because he didn't trust Tobirama to not do something dumb. Like-

"Ah, hello. You're Wan Shi Tong, yes? Lovely library, would you mind if I browsed a bit?"

 -that....

Agni leaned back, watching some of the weird mortals(?) with an arched brow, "Alright, here me out. This is going to be great."

Vāyu looked up from polishing his flute as his husband spoke, "Well... yes, I'm inclined to agree. Hopefully Tui and La's love child will make Wan Shi Tong act like less of a prick."

Agni choked on his saliva, sitting up, "Tui and La's what?"

Vāyu took a sip of tea, "Am I wrong?"

The sun paused for a moment before shrugging and leaning back again, "No, you've got a point."

Chapter Text

Tobirama stared at what could only be the knowledge spirit: Wan Shi Tong. Turns out, the spirit was just a massive owl. Not nearly as big as the tailed beasts from his old world - not even close - but massive none the less.

Oh, right. The spirit had asked a question.

It's only polite to respond, "Ah, hello. You're Wan Shi Tong, yes? Lovely library, would you mind if I browsed a bit?"

He felt Madara's chi do the thing that ment he was dying inside and wondered what happened this time.

Strangely enough, though, he couldn't feel anything in the spirit's chakra - and he could feel Megumi's emotions just fine - as the towering bird just stared.

And stared.

And stared some more.

"You are..... a refreshingly blunt human."

Is that a complement? Tobirama decided to take it as a complement, "Well thank you."

Beside him, Madara facepalmed, chi fluctuating the way it always did when he asked Tobirama how he was still alive.

Wan Shi Tong stared some more, "You wish to browse my collection? There are two conditions that must be met. First, can you promise me that you will not use the information you find for war?"

Tobirama tilted his head. Sure, information is the biggest advantage one can have in war, but he'd sooner disembowel him than disgrace a spirit by dragging their gifts into the feuds of mortals.

"Well, we are in our way to kick Madara's dad's-"

"Don't call him that, dumbass not-Senju."

"-ass, but we don't need your library to do that. I just want to read some good stuff - academic journals, encyclopedias, stuff like that - and not the fire nation propaganda that's everywhere out there. It's so scientifically inaccurate it almost gives me an aneurysm every time I see it."

Wan Shi Tong considered them a moment as Madara muttered something along the lines of 'genius fucking dumbass. You'll kill us both. And Megumi will only survive out of spite.'

Eventually, the knowledge spirit nodded, "Second, you must both offer me a piece of knowledge in return for being allowed entrance to my library."

Madara cursed, "Tobirama, I know that you have extra paper. I'm going to need some to write a pamphlet on eternal servitude to a snake-bat."

Wan Shi Tong watched, bemused as Tobirama nodded, "Use as much paper as you want. But you don't know how to use my calligraphy brushes, and my last quill broke when you slapped away that cactus."

As if coming to a realization, Tobirama turned to the knowledge spirit, eyes narrowed and grinning like the cheshire cat.

Megumi hissed gleefully.

If the spirit had the ability, he would have gone pale.

Agni cackled, "Fucking take that, know-it-all bitch! We suffer Tobi's terrorism on a daily basis, time to get some yourself! Maybe you'll pull you head out of your cloaca now, jackass!"

Vāyu hid a smile behind a tea cup, trying his best not to snort.

Wan Shi Tong was dreading what the red-eyed mortal would say next.

And he was right to do so

"Say, Mr. Wan Shi Tong, if I gave you all I had on personal and natural chi applications, would you perhaps permit me to have one or two of your spiritly feathers?"

Being genuinely terrified - and slightly intrigued - Wan Shi Tong agreed and watched the boy pull a truly horrific number of papers and notebooks from his husband's(?) - yeah, husband, they have to be married - pack.

Waving a wing over the pile, Wan Shi Tong transported it to his personal domain - where he kept things that needed to be reviewed. It was tragically empty at this point, if he's to be honest.

The boy then meticulously looked through Wan Shi Tong's wings, gently plucking two feathers he deemed satisfactory. The knowledge spirit doubted that the child knew that those feathers would be considered national treasures of the highest order.

Said child proceeded to-

Did he just pull a knife out of thin air?

Oh. It's ice.

Wait, this is the desert? How'd he get the water? Even the air is practically bone dry.

Wan Shi Tong believes he may have severely mildly underestimated this mortal.

For the second time, Wan Shi Tong heard a hissing sound, but this time he looked for the source.

That's a spirit.

How did he not notice it before?

That is a whole damn spirit. And she's now coiling around the pale mortal - who was cutting the necessary slits and notches into the feathers to turn them into quills - snapping her wings.

The mortals looked at her, and it was the pale one that spoke, "Megumi, why on earth are you insulted."

The snake-bat - Megumi? - smacked the mortal with her wing.

The spiky mortal picked her up and draped her around his shoulders, "Stop bothering Tobirama and I'll give you the nicest bath possible when we get back to the shop. As long as it's not stolen."

Why did the other spirit have a knife? Where did she get the knife? This one isn't ice.

"Fine, I'll break into done rich guy manor to bathe you if the ship's gone."

The knife disappeared.

The icy mortal handed a quill to his husband and dug an ink pot from the pack.

Ten minutes later, Wan Shi Tong had a multi-page guide to owning serving a snake-bat (also known as the spirit Megumi).

Wan Shi Tong allowed the mortals into his library and disappeared into his personal domain.

On an unrelated note, his foxes were unusually happy.

Weird.

Chapter Text

Katara was this close to going ballistic. The 'humble munk' Aang was basking in the attention and adoration of Kyoshi Island like a penguin basks in the sun.

The only thing preventing a homicide was the training sessions with Suki. Katara was even learning how to incorporate some of her bending into the fighting forms of the Kyoshi Warriors.

She's sure it'll be far more formidable once she finds a master in the Northern Water Tribe. Even Suki is eager to see what can become of it.

That aside, she was currently in the mentioned Kyoshi Warrior's house. Ranting about the munk she's traveling with.

"-and then he just leans on the pole and goes 'sooooo, papaya?' He's been spending too much time around Sokka, I swear! And the way he acts around the villagers! Ugh-!"

Suki handed her a cup of tea, "Here, drink. But yeah, it that was one of my girls acting like that, I'd feed them to the unagi."

Katara took a sip of the offered tea - it was delectable, "Yes! Thank you-"

There was a knock on the door and Suki called for whoever it was to enter.

It was Zuko. He was holding.... something. A box of something.

He waved, "Hey Katara! One of the warriors told me you were here. Oh, Ms. Suki, hello. I haven't gotten the opportunity to tell you I'm person, but your makeup and your uniform - stunning. Reminds me of theater makeup actually. Just..... better done? Do you think we could trade techniques at some point? I'd really like to- oh fuck, rambling, sorry about that-"

Suki doubled over, laughing, "Oh my God, you're a mess! Don't worry, Katara told me what you thought about the makeup. And I'd love to trade some tips with you- actually, genius idea, why don't you, me, and Katara sit down for a girls night?"

Zuko practically lit up, "Oh Agni, I'd love that! If you're interested, I learned how to make this super moisturizing face mask for when treating my burn scars - well, it can obviously be used for more than scars - and it smells positively divine. A tea base, you know?"

Katara perked up, "Really? My skin's been so dry since we started traveling."

Suki nodded along, "I'm so down."

Zuko grinned, "Great! I'll go get the stuff off my ship- oh Katara, I found this really cool thing at the market that I thought you'd like," He handed the box to her, "Speaking of- Suki, I've got something on my ship I think you might like. I'll bring that over too - no one on board ever uses it."

And Zuko was gone.

.......

....

.......

"We just signed up for a girls night with the ex-prince if the fire nation. To exchange makeup tips and do face masks."

"Whatever. Open the box though, I want to see what it is."

It was a dagger. Not just any dagger, no. But a bejeweled dagger. Attached to a silk cord. To wear as a necklace.

Suki eyed it, "Oh that is so cool. Looks like Mr. Xiaoli's work."

Katara slipped it around her neck and unsheathed the blade, giving it a few experimental swings, "I love it. It is never going to leave my person. It's mine. Here, feel." She handed the blade to Suki - who admired the balance of the blade before handing it back to be re-sheathed.

Zuko showed back up a few minutes later, an open box of random things in hand. He set the box down, pulled out another smaller box, and froze.

He looked at Suki, "How do you feel about piercings?" 

The warrior grinned, "Always wanted one. Multiple, really."

Zuko nodded and handed the smaller box to Suki, "Here. I don't really know what you like, so I hope it's alright. But it's sharp, and from what I gathered, that'll be like, six points in my favor."

Suki opened the box.

Inside was an industrial piercing bar, stylized with a snake wrapping around it. Zuko pressed the snake's eye and a needle popped out, not dissimilar to unsheathing a sword. He popped it back in and handed it to Suki, "It's got a non-lethal neurotoxin on it, prick someone and they're knocked out. It's not much, but I thought that it wouldn't be bad for you to have a backup weapon..... Not that I'm doubting your skill-!"

Suki trapped Zuko in a hug, "You, you awkward little turtleduck, are the spirits' gift to humanity."

He gasped, "You know about turtleducks!? I didn't realize they were anywhere besides the fire nation! They're my favorite animal!"

Suki pulled back and nodded approvingly, "Just when I thought you couldn't get any better."

Katara, however, was confused, "What's a turtleduck?"

Simultaneously, both of their heads snapped towards Katara, "You poor soul. You must be enlightened. Suki, can you draw?"

Sagely, the warrior shook her head, "No, but worry not."

She left to her bedroom and came back out with a painting.

Katara saw it and squeeled, "Tui and La! This is the most adorable thing on the planet."

And thus began girls night.

Zuko: "-not quite, you want to use a darker shade for stage makeup, unless you're going for a super high-contrast base for a non-human character."

Suki: "Oh, that makes a lot of sense, actually."

Katara: "Aaaand there! Huh, this is easier than I thought. I guess watching Sokka practice his war paint paid off."

Zuko: "That stuff he was wearing when he tried to stab me?"

Katara: "Yeah."

Suki: "Wait a second- first, Sokka tried to stab Zuko?"

Katara: "Oh yeah, our whole village thought he was evil at first."

Suki: "And second, he's got his own war paint, but had a problem with the Kyoshi Warrior face paint?"

Zuko: "He what? Uncultured. Swordfighting lessons are going to be twice as hard for the next week and a half."

Katara: "Sweet. Can we watch?"

Zuko: "Oh, definitely."

Suki: "Zuko, stop moving your face. Katara, tell Zuko to stop moving his face, I need to do his eyeliner."

Katara: "Stop moving your face."

Zuko: "Do you need me to close my eyes?"

Suki: "Please."

Katara: "Suki, I've gotta ask. Why in La's name is he prettier than the both of us?"

Suki: "Actually, I have no clue. But you're not wrong."

Zuko: "What the hell? I'm supposed to be the one with vision problems - can you not see the big ass scar over half my face?"

Suki: "Of course we can see the scar, it's part of your allure. Wait, what do you mean vision problems?"

Zuko: "Did you seriously think I was able to see out of this eye? No, it's been fucked since I was thirteen."

Katara: "Oh yeah, you did mention a blind spot when we first met you."

Suki: "Katara, you're missing a vital point. He just said he's had the scar since he was thirteen."

Katara: "Oh fuck. Zuko, what happened?"

Suki: "Don't talk if you're uncomfortable about it, of course."

Katara: "Yeah."

Zuko: "Chill, I've lived with it for a while. It's fine. But if you must know, I pissed my father off."

Katara: "...... Suki?"

Suki: "Yep. We're killing the fire lord."

Katara: "Good."

Zuko: "No, sit down! I appreciate the thought, but you lot are still in theater makeup. And we still need to do face masks."

Katara: "Fine."

Suki: "But you're staying the night. You too, Katara."

Zuko: "Works for me."

Katara: "I'm down."

The moon screamed, "Oh Raava! Honey, they're bonding!"

La nodded, "This is indeed lovely."

Tui froze, "Agni's tits. La, fucking Zhao just showed up."

The ocean grew suddenly violent, "Damnit unagi! You had one job! One!"

Chapter Text

Zhao brought his boat into the miserable port that was Kyoshi Island. Disgusting, really. The whole place reeked of earth kingdom peasants. And fish. Really, fishing villages are the worst. Best part about it, though, was that though he was here because of that telling beam of light, the bitch-prince Zuko's ship was here too.

Now renamed The Jasmine Dragon. Pathetic.

Ah, well, all the more fun to destroy, then.

When he leads his forces down the metal ramp, he's met with the sight of a unit - if you could even call it that - of green-clad bitches. They'd be fun to take as prisoner.

The men behind him, too, cackled with perverted glee.

Though it didn't last very long, because then they started running up trees, charging their ship.

As vicious as the bitches were, they had them outnumbered by quite a bit. Then a bald kid in red and yellow flew in. This must be Zhao's lucky day.

The bald kid - avatar - landed in front of him, odd staff in hand.

"Leave this island. They're under my protection."

Zhao grinned, "It's not them I want, little rat." He sent a wave of fire, "It's you!"

The tattooed rat child yelped and jumped to the side, gaze focusing somewhere over Zhao's shoulder.

Zhao looked back to see what had caught the pathetic air bender's attention, only he was a bit too late. Zhao got hit in the face with a boomerang.

The bald kid shouted something along the lines of 'Sokka!' but Zhao didn't hear, he was too busy nursing his bloody nose-

"Like the bitch baby he is! Some soldier-"

"Tui no!"

"Tui yes! Besides, I know you want to smack him too."

"Touche, but I'd rather see Tobi smack him, to be honest."

"I always knew you were sadistic at heart."

A moment later, Zhao dodged a well-aimed bolt of flame. He whirled around and-

What?

No, no. Seriously, what?

Was the bitch-prince in makeup? Specifically the makeup of those pathetic women?

God, just when Zhao thought the traitor had lost all his dignity.

Of course, there's only one reasonable response here.

"Oh look, the traitor's out to play! You always did behave like a pathetic woman."

The disgrace paused and took a step back, shaking his head and saluting to Agni. Zhao didn't have enough time to process what was happening on before he was scrambling out of the way of a truly horrifying number of daggers. He yelled as one sank into his shoulder, watching a girl drop from the trees, golden fans in hand.

Zhao froze, horrified, as the phantom image of Kyoshi hovered behind the girl. He stumbled a step back, heartbeat in his ears and bile in his throat as the avatar moved next to the traitor prince.

The rest of the wretched unit stood up and assembled, a Water Tribe rat at the front, daggers of ice in hand and an ear-piercing shriek echoed over the water. 

Zhao snarled, trying to regain whatever dignity he has left as he turned towards his men, "We retreat for now, these cockroaches cling to life like a squid-leech sticks to the hull. We regroup and gather the rest of my feet to annihilate these bastards."

Suki screamed at the fire nation ship pulled away, "That sexist piece of seagull-pig shit! I'm going to disembowel him and if he still breathes, strange him with his own intestines."

Katara laughed.

Aang paled.

Sokka pretended not to know her.

Zuko put a hand on her shoulder, "Understandable. But please consider castrating and publicly humiliating him beforehand."

Suki pondered a moment before slinging an arm over Zuko's shoulders, "It's official, you're one of the girls now."

Katara hummed, "He wasn't before?"

Aang finally seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in, "H- hey, violence is never the answer-"

Suki nodded in agreement, "You're right."

Aang exhaled in relief while Katara and Zuko were somewhere between confused and disappointed.

"It's the question. And the answer is abso-fucking-lutely."

Aang went even paler.

Zuko nodded as if he just found the secrets to the universe.

Katara observed the Kyoshi Warrior, "I think I love you."

Sokka whimpered, "Women are scary."

The rest of the warriors cheered.

Some weirdo began foaming at the mouth.

Dangun observed skeptically, gaze shifting between the scene and his wife.

"Nügua, darling, have I ever told you how much I adore you?"

The creation spirit stared at her husband, unimpressed, "If I wanted to torture you, you would've been screaming for millennia now."

The earth swallowed thickly, unsure as to weather he should be comforted or disturbed.

Madara didn't know how long they've been in this blasted library for, but he was starting to get jealous sick of the little spirit foxes piling around Tobirama. Thankfully, Megumi agreed. Though, it was probably for a very different reason.

Oh well. Madara will just have to step up his game. 

Time to find the most interesting book in this whole library.

.......

How did he end up here again?

Eh, whatever.

"Hey, um, Uncle?"

"Yes, nephew?"

"My fire isn't, well, firing?"

"..... Nephew, I believe it's time we took a trip."

Chapter Text

Hey, so I'm currently rewriting this. I want to get around five chapters of the new version done before posting, so while I do that, I'll figure out how to link the new one here.

Chapter Text

The little people running my brain got really excited about the rewrite, so the first four chapters are out!