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14th February is well-known as Valentine’s day, being celebrated every year. A lot of people associate this day with love, and love to spend time with their romantic partner. The tradition is to give something special towards someone that you love or like, commonly handmade chocolates. Of course, you don’t necessarily need a partner to give gifts to, it could be someone you admire or people you’re fond of, such as families, friends, classmates, seniors- the list goes on.
This year was nerve wracking for Emu. She decided- she’ll make chocolates this time around. Back then, she had learnt how to bake a chocolate cake with the assistance of her beloved friends, Airi and Saki, as their mission was to gift sweet goods and dubbed it as “Secret Valentine’s Day Alliance”. Remembering it again made her smile and giggle, she ought to put what she was taught to use.
But this time was different. She wants to make it for a specific someone- a certain senpai admired by everyone at school. To Emu, she was an enigmatic individual, her appearance betraying the facade that the younger girl had seen through. Emu spent time tirelessly trying to figure it out by spending time with her, being the one who takes initiative like asking the senior to do silly things that might make her smile- or at the very least, feel some closeness and comfort from having Emu’s presence around.
Emu thinks the time they’ve spent together despite simply being as a senior-junior had at least made Mafuyu a bit more comfortable, and the chances of her smiling from any silly jokes or activities that Emu had proposed has increased significantly! It's a little unfortunate that the amount of times this senpai had smiled can be counted with her fingers- but no matter! She wants to see her smile and this is one of those attempts.
“Asahina-senpai doesn’t really seem like someone who’d enjoy sweet stuff…” She thinks to herself, while her hand scrolls down the screen of her phone. She was checking out an account on social media, where the owner mainly posts videos or photos about baked goods and sweets. They were creative and the themes that were set were always cute and unique. “And she doesn’t look like she’s the type to like fancy stuff too.” Emu adds.
Emu was told that if she wants to sincerely express herself, the gift doesn’t need to be expensive or fancy. She’s aware she could afford any luxuries, but sometimes simplicity and handmade things are always more favored as it shows the effort someone puts. She wants to get through the wall her senpai had set up between them, to have her feel true joy just like anyone else.
Well, she shouldn’t be thinking this hard. Ever since Mafuyu’s birthday, her mind was mostly occupied on how she is supposed to make the best, perfect and awesome gift for this mysterious senpai of hers. She seems to accept any gifts, and surely, this year’s Valentine’s means she would receive a lot of chocolates from other juniors like her, either out of admiration or other intentions, she felt slightly insecure. Or maybe, she is insecure, considering Nene was starting to express her worry about how Emu had constantly moaned about this issue.
Is this chocolate she intended to make for Mafuyu simply just a gift, to make her feel happy, or because she was making this hoping for something more? IIts undeniable that Mafuyu had this charm that makes Emu more drawn to her, in a way where she keeps wanting to peel off those layers of unsettling smiles, where she wants to understand her more closely, to see what was truly wrong– the day where she held her hands and feel Mafuyu’s cold skin warming up as she sputters nonsense at the spur of moment to cheer her up had left her feeling giddy.
She wants to keep seeing that smile.
Maybe this entire time, the intention to make her happy and genuinely smile wasn’t as simple as that anymore. It was turning to something more than seeing her senior’s smile and happiness– she wants to be by her side too. She doesn’t want her to look lonely, be lonely like that day, and the other times where she catches that empty yet sad expression on other days. She wants to be able to know her more- not in a way where she reads the scripts to understand a story and the character, but in the way where she reads to feel as well.
Suddenly, the bright screen of her phone immediately turned black, a symbol of a battery and an exclamation mark popped up. Emu glances at the other side of her bed, barely making out the needles of the clock showing it was past midnight. She pulled a cable up and plugged her phone in, setting it aside on the nightstand. She had school the next day and sleeping late wasn’t good for her… yet her mind keeps wandering back to Mafuyu. She decided that she will ask around, hoping that she gets good suggestions for what she wants to make for this senpai who had been bothering her heart.
Shifting to the other side of the bed, she pulls her human-sized taiyaki plush close, hugging it tightly as she tries to force herself to sleep.
Valentine's Day is less than a week away…
♡
Emu had three days left before the day came. She managed to jot down some awesome suggestions, They were mainly from Shizuku and Airi as they were the same year as Mafuyu, and Shizuku was in the same club as her. She did also consult Ena, who had great taste when it comes to aesthetics, but it was a little tough since the older girl had teased her a lot when she found out the individual she was describing. She didn’t expect that Ena was quite close with Mafuyu.
She tried asking for her fellow band members’ opinion as well, and it seems like Nene was the only one who did give a suggestion suitable for someone. Rui and Tsukasa’s was cool too- until it turned into a bicker between Nene and Tsukasa about how ridiculous some of their ideas were. Regardless, Emu appreciates them a lot. The virtual singers did share some useful advice as well.
Now, it was only about experimenting with some of them and making the perfect gift for Mafuyu! Three days should suffice for the ideas she had sketched out, and she bought enough ingredients needed to execute this plan flawlessly.
Emu had started out with the simpler, easier ideas first. Everyone she had asked had shared one common opinion, that Mafuyu doesn’t come off as an individual who had many preferences as she had never told much about herself. She does accept a lot of things, but Emu didn’t want to make something that comes off with only her own assumptions. She did express this worry to Ena, who replied back assuringly, “I think she’d love to know how you perceived her. She did say that she wondered what you thought of her before.”
She tried a few combinations of flavors with chocolate like milk, mint, cinnamon, raspberries, strawberries, coffee and so on. Some turned out too sweet or too bitter. She also tried making it with dough-based bakes like cookies, molded them into various shapes, but as she got too engrossed in the process, she had accidentally left some out for too long and ended up getting spooked by a gassed-up yeast that looked like a ghost.
Emu had to wrap it up for day one. She stores the good ones inside a secure place to preserve them a little longer before Valentine’s to be given to others and also fed some of them to her siblings. The positive feedback from her own family was validating, but it wasn’t enough. She wants to hear what Mafuyu would personally feel.
The next day, Hinata had offered to help her and watch over her. The kitchen was less messy compared to the day before and her work was more efficient. Emu decided to reduce her scope to the flavors she did best and suited Mafuyu, making everything more organized now that her mind wasn’t scattered everywhere in deciding what she wanted to make. However, this day was mostly spent on trying to make nice packaging rather than baking- and it was a bit more tiring as everything is from scratch.
Hinata had suggested Emu to commission from a professional, but the younger girl insisted that she make everything from her own hands. She might’ve taken the ‘homemade’ part too literally, but Hinata felt that it was better to leave her be. Her younger sister seemed more passionate than before and she should be supporting her.
Emu finally settled on making a box. It was white, with some cute stickers placed on top of the cover. She had prepared a dark purple ribbon aside so when she puts the chocolates, she’ll wrap up the box with it. Leaning back on her chair, the concentrated silence was interrupted when Keisuke unexpectedly came over, asking, “Won’t you write a letter for this someone you’re giving to?”
Then, the night of the third day came, where she spent on making cookies and other things for everyone she wanted to give. Mafuyu’s part took the longest but the results produced were satisfactory. She giggled, loving how the shapes of the snowflakes, the bunnies and the small Mafuyu shaped-cookie had turned out flawlessly. She made sure to pack it up neat and secure before putting it inside thebspecially crafted paper bag specifically made for Mafuyu.
The letter suggestion was a good idea- but what did Emu want to write? Is there nothing to say, or there's a lot of things to be said that a paper wouldn’t be enough? She saw some videos in social media where there are people who went to write lots of things, glued and folded them so when the targeted person opens it up, the letter drops like those scrolls in the historical royalty shows. It's silly and fun, but Emu wanted Mafuyu to be able to take in what she wants in a simple manner.
What did she want to say?
“Thank you for being friends with me.” didn’t properly express what Emu wanted to say. The complex feelings built in her heart that even her way of describing in onomatopoeia wasn’t enough to fully show what she wants. Doodles aren’t enough either- this was really hard.
Did she like Mafuyu? She did. But does she love her?
Emu’s pen drops on the table as she scratches her head, ruffling her hair in conflict.. Love might be the suitable word to describe the messy feelings that leaks in her, but she didn’t really behave like a girl in love would, where they are usually giddy and would constantly fuss over their crushes and experience those scenes in shoujo mangas.
Does Mafuyu make her feel warm and fuzzy? She does. Does Mafuyu make her want to be closer to her? She does. Mafuyu, despite the unsettling layers built-up to form a persona she wore at school, had many other qualities that makes Emu can’t help but adore.
Good looking was obviously the truth- Mafuyu is beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, flawless- so perfect. Emu always wanted to try to run her fingers along those curly strands of violet hair, wanting to feel the texture, the softness of those locks. She did want to try combing and styling it, even if it’s not her forte. She wanted to try to holding her hands longer, feel the rough pads of her fingers from her archery training, feel it turn warm again from sharing her heat. She wanted to try to trace her jaw, cup her cheeks and rub them to see her turn flustered.
Mafuyu is incredibly tolerant of her and willing to listen to her. It might be some sort of act, but Emu can tell that the older girl did seem to be interested and invested her time with whatever Emu had in mind. It didn’t matter how silly, ridiculous and childish it was- the senpai seemed less tense when she was around her. Her eyes didn't squint, and the curve of her lips were more natural than controlled.
Oh, her smile.
Emu loves seeing everyone happy and smiling, that’s for sure. Mafuyu was different. She wants to see her smile smile , she wants to hear the sound of her chuckles and laughter more often. She doesn’t want to only hear “fufu,” but more “hahaha!” She wants to see that pale face come to life, blush dusting her cheeks just like everyone else. She wants to feel those smiling lips, the want to know how soft it might be, how it tastes. She wants to hear that calm, soothing voice say, “Otori-san, I lo-”
She felt her cheeks turning hotter. Emu shook her head immediately, looking at the paper she had unconsciously crumpled while thinking about Mafuyu. Is a letter really enough to describe her feelings? Or should she just store them inside her, knowing that they were all just wishful thoughts?
A letter isn’t enough. Even the box of chocolates she had worked on with so much effort and poured her soul into it wouldn’t truly be enough to touch Mafuyu’s heart.
In the end, she only wrote three words in her letter before going back to sleep. She has to prepare herself for tomorrow.
♡
Emu should’ve expected the crowd surrounding Mafuyu the moment lunchtime rings. Usually, she would be the first one to find her in her classroom, asking her if she was free to spend time. Compared to last year, the third year classrooms had given an intimidating aura, but Emu couldn’t really afford to care much about what people thought of her uninvited presence.
The girls that surrounded her were plenty, their hands holding boxes, paper bags, wraps and so much more. Some of them were clearly expensively-made gifts, must be super high-end qualities of sweet goods that Emu could also afford as well. They were fussing over her, their voices reverberating throughout the hallway as they yap and shout her name. Most likely, some of the girls intended to confess through their gifts, making Emu feel like she was competing.
Emu felt so small. What she prepared seemed to pale in comparison to them. She shouldn’t feel so pessimistic so early, she did have other opportunities to give Mafuyu the chocolates when the hype dies down, but at the same time, she wanted to give it to her immediately so the dreadful wait inside her chest wouldn’t turn murky and suffocating.
It didn’t seem like the crowd would disperse anytime soon. Before she could turn away, her eyes coincidentally met Mafuyu’s, who was staring at her with wide eyes. Emu panicked, averting her gaze immediately as she hastily turned, her steps gradually turned faster as she immediately left the location.
She didn’t really have a place in mind as she ran- only stopping when she noticed there weren’t people anymore. Surprisingly, the courtyard was empty, a suitable place to settle down and calm down at the moment. She glanced around for confirmation before sitting down on the wooden bench, fumbling with the paper bag that contained the box of chocolates she wanted to give to Mafuyu.
Emu took a few deep breaths, slowly calming down. She didn’t expect that they would lock eyes for a second- no, she didn’t expect Mafuyu would see her despite that large crowd. Her heart was racing when she noticed that the senior was about to say something, but was soon immediately interrupted by a clingy junior.
Was she feeling jealousy? Emu wasn’t the type to easily get jealous. Maybe, in the corners of her heart, she thought, “Why are they there? It was always me being there first. Why did they shamelessly get there first when they barely tried to approach and talk to Asahina-senpai before then?” . It was unbecoming of her to think like that, she should be happy that Mafuyu had many people around her.
No, she can clearly tell that Mafuyu didn’t even want to be there. She was smiling but it was clearly a facade since she didn’t want to hurt those girls who rushed over her first. Should Emu have just waltzed in and taken Mafuyu away instead of running away? That was more in-character of her. Emu wasn’t a coward, she wasn’t shy to just walk to Mafuyu either.
So why…
“Otori-san,”
Emu’s eyes immediately open, turning wide as she looks up at the familiar tall figure in front of her. She bent herself just so they could look at each other on the same level. The younger girl wanted to stare longer into those unique purple eyes with the gradient like the sky, but she finds herself tilting her head down to avoid prolonged eye contact. Her heart started to race again, enough to make her ears hear the pounding in her chest.
“Otori-san, are you okay?” Mafuyu’s smooth voice asks- but this isn’t the same voice she had used when around other people. It was mellow and lower-pitched. Emu wanted to answer, but her jaw had slackened the moment the older girl had surprised her. “What do I do? I can’t answer her all of a sudden.”
In her hands were a bunch of gifts mounted up, some threatened to fall but somehow maintained in place. It seems to Emu that she really didn’t have a slot to fit her gift in, making her chest tighten at the thought that hers would only be another unnecessary burden. Then, she watches the senior set them aside carefully, before crouching down to see Emu’s downcast eyes.
Mafuyu didn’t speak any further, looking at her as she waited patiently. Emu slowly rises her head and nods meekly. “I-I’m fine.” she finally spoke despite having a lump in her throat.
The other only nodded. Emu watches Mafuyu’s hands slowly reach out to the paper bag Emu had been clutching on her chest since earlier, registering that Mafuyu was asking permission to have them checked. Emu reluctantly releases her clutch and gives it to her.
Now, her eyes were glued on Mafuyu’s movements. The senior girl pulled the handmade box out, inspecting it closer as she flipped it around. She was holding it carefully, unlike the other gifts that were in her arms. Then, Mafuyu looked up at her again, her eyes that were usually squinted or wide were more brooding now, having a soft gaze that she had rarely seen.
Emu stammered, “Y-you can open it. It’s— not that great, but- I wanted to try making something with my hands for you!” Her face is probably extremely red to Mafuyu as the older girl had chuckled out of amusement. It was pleasant to hear.
Mafuyu, now having her consent, carefully pulls the purple ribbon away and sets it aside. She opens the box, revealing carefully organized cookies in their respective compartments. Emu swore she could hear her murmuring, “how cute.” . The younger girl wanted to stop watching and cover her face, but her eyes continued to watch the event unfolding.
“Otori-san drew me. It's cute.” Mafuyu says, taking one with care before bringing it to her lips, taking a small bite out of it as it crumbles easily in her mouth. She chewed it for a little bit before swallowing down.
“Did- did it taste okay?” Emu asks, looking at her with a worried expression as she notices there were barely any reactions. “Is it too sweet?” she adds, her voice becoming shaky as she fiddles with her fingers.
“... I’m sorry, Otori-san. The truth is, I can’t really taste food.” Mafuyu answers, the tone of her voice flat as she looks back at her with a blank expression. It wasn’t completely emotionless, there was a hint of sadness and guilt behind those eyes, slightly noticeable from the crease of her eyebrows.
“Its… its okay.” Emu says, her shoulders slumping down as she huffs to herself. She feels like she puts too much expectation, faking her own hopes. It was awkward now, with the silence. She wanted to ask why she couldn’t taste them but it might be too personal.
Then, Mafuyu spoke again, “But… your cookies made me feel warm inside. I… like it.” There was hesitancy in her voice in picking a suitable word, but Emu’s eyes began to light up again. An idea pops into her mind as she pulls Mafuyu up, guiding her to sit beside her.
It was a little embarrassing, but she wanted to try. She took one of the snowflake shaped cookies, bringing it to Mafuyu’s lips. The older girl seemed amused before she leaned in, taking the piece into her mouth and chewing again.
“This one was cold and airy. Did you put in mint?”Mafuyu asks.
“I did! Fits well with snow, right?” Emu giggles as she gets the bunny pieces next then continues to feed them to Mafuyu. She seems to start making out what she had used for the fillings in the cookies.
More and more, Mafuyu was humming softly in delight as she allowed herself to be fed by the junior girl down until the last piece. Emu picked the last snowflake one, nudging it against Mafuyu’s lips. She nipped on it, but didn’t fully take the piece in.
Emu blinked in confusion, when suddenly she felt a hand holding the back of her head, guiding it closer to Mafuyu’s face. Her cheeks turn redder as she realizes, and even if the sane part of her wanted to pull away, she can’t help but lean in, parting her lips as she takes a bite out of it. The cookie crumbles easily in her mouth, the mint chocolate melting inside her easily as it fills her senses.
Just before she could pull away, Mafuyu pressed her lips against hers. Emu’s eyes widened again, her heart now pounding into her ears as she turned dizzy from feeling Mafuyu’s warm breath. The older girl pulled away slightly, then leaned forward to kiss her again and again. It went from hesitance to Mafuyu turning confident as Emu reciprocated back.
It felt like an eternity until Mafuyu pulled away, a small smile playing on her lips as her hand reached to stroke Emu’s head.
“Otori-san, thank you.” Mafuyu says softly, “I would like to taste your cookies again. They tasted sweet, just right for me.”
Emu nodded her head, but didn’t look at Mafuyu. The tip of her ears were red, and her cheeks were hot. She felt warm all over. “It- It’s nothing! I can make more if you want them again!” she replies, the excitement in her voice making Mafuyu feel warmer.
“I’ll give it back to you when it’s White Day,” Mafuyu’s hand slowly pulls back from Emu’s head, reaching for Emu’s hand instead and intertwining their fingers. “Until then, please wait for me.”she squeezes her hand gently before leaning in again, whispering in her ear, “ I… love you too.”
Emu’s breath hitched as she processed the phrase the words in. If she was blushing earlier, then her whole body must be flushed red from what happened today. Her heart might as well burst out of her chest, and she might just ascend to heaven.
“See you later, Otori-san.” Mafuyu says, picking up the other boxes and gifts that she had set aside from before. Her smile slightly widens as she speaks again, “Don’t stay in the cold too long. You might get a fever.” And off she goes.
Emu was too stunned to even reply. She remained seated, looking down on the ground as she covered her face to muffle her own scream. She can’t even hide the big grin that she had on her face.
“Asahina-senpai said… I love you… to me!” she thought, “ I- I can’t believe this…”
Emu wants to tell everyone about it, but she feels like it’d be more fun if she remained silent and made them think about it.
Until then, she can’t wait to see what Mafuyu will do in return when it’s White Day.