Chapter Text
The waves crash, the wind howls. Izuku Midoriya feels as though he's losing his mind, and Bakugou Katsuki is dead.
—
The ice-cold wind cut into any and all snippets of Izuku’s exposed skin, biting into his wounds like salt. He didn’t pay it any mind though. He couldn’t pay it any mind, even if he’d wanted to. He felt numb, from head to toe, body to soul.
Izuku’s entire world was crumbling down around him, and yet…the earth continued spinning, the waves still continued crashing– as if there was nothing wrong in the world. It didn’t feel like that to him though. There were absolutely no circumstances where what was happening would feel like nothing was wrong.
His hands shook and the bile rose up in his throat like the raising of a tide. Tremors racked through his body as his eyes focused dazedly on the scene in front of him. The one that, as a horribly similar sight had done once before, would forever change his life and every single aspect of his being.
The one where Bakugou Katsuki’s body lay lifeless in front of him once again, his last emotions still ingrained into his face.
—
A knock. The swing of a door. A hesitant voice.
After the end of the war, the last month or so had been dedicated to the entire country picking up its bits and pieces. And while at it, UA had been scheduled to reopen its academics, with an advanced curriculum to make up for lost time.
However, both Izuku and Katsuki had been in…recovery, for their class’s late graduation into the second year, as well as the start of their resumed classes. Meaning they were already behind.
When Izuku was finally cleared from the hospital, one of the first things he'd come back to was a massive pile of assignments.
He didn't mind though. It gave him something to do, something to keep his mind off of the topics he'd been so desperately trying to avoid. So, he would gladly crawl his way through his missing assignments in exchange. But still…
“Uhm, hi Kacchan? I uh, I don't want to bother you. I just wanted to say that I know you don’t normally like studying with other people and you just got cleared but we’re both really behind and I was-”
A palm straight to his face.
“Shut it, Nerd, I know. I’ll study with you, don’t freak yourself out over it.” Katsuki huffed. “I’m only helping though because I know damn well you’re behind, I'll be back on track in no time.”
Izuku beamed.
He'd seen Katsuki before now, of course, while they were still in the hospital. As soon as he'd woken up – from an extremely intense surgery – the first thing he'd done was make an attempt to bolt to Kacchan’s room.
The boy had still been unconscious; not waking up until several agonizing days later. All Izuku could do at that time, stuck in his own hospital room and dazing in and out of medical unconsciousness, was contemplate what he would say to Katsuki once he was awake.
When Katsuki had woken up and was coherent enough to have a conversation, Izuku was with him every second the nurses begrudgingly allowed, even though severely injured himself. However, whenever he looked at the boy’s blistered and scarred face, he couldn't bring himself to say the words he knew he desperately needed to say.
And still, even now, when Kacchan was finally back in the dorms and mostly recovered, Izuku continued hesitating around the topic that he knew he should be the one to bring up. He just… couldn't get himself to force the painful words out of his throat.
“What ’cha got that weirdass look on your face for? C’mon, if you wanna study with me, and actually keep up, you better knock that shit out of your head.”
“Sorry!”
From there on out, the two are practically inseparable. Whether it's from a genuine need to study, or a deep rooted trauma residing in both boys that only soothes when near each other, they don't talk about it.
And the more they begin hanging around each other outside of their guise of studying, the more they have to tiptoe around the sensitive topics.
But that's okay, Izuku reasons. They make it work. They don't have to talk about the raw of things, the trauma, the nightmares. Not when they're clearly doing fine without.
So, they don't.
Not when the two steadily become actual, real friends over the next several months.
Not when Izuku knows how insanely unhealthy it is that they each avoid the topic of the war in its entirety (as difficult as that was).
Not when they're with each other practically every spare second they have.
Not when their eyes avidly avoid the scars slathering each other's bodies.
Not when Izuku notices Katsuki opening up to him more.
Not when Izuku catches himself admiring the way the light catches on the side of the other boy’s face- scars and all.
Not when their classmates also start noticing and commenting on the subtle shifts in their friendship.
Not when Izuku finds his and Katsuki’s shoulders brushing more often than not while walking beside each other.
Not when Katsuki occasionally catches Izuku staring at the sunburst scars over his heart while changing in the locker room, a distant look in his eyes.
Not when Izuku notices that Katsuki looks at him with a different look in his eyes. Unreadable, but all-together different.
Not when the – previously – occasional touches turn into frequent ruffling of green curls, playful pushes of arms and grabs of shoulders, subtle leans against one another’s sides while sitting.
Not when Izuku still has the repeating nightmares of Katsuki’s…death. They pretend neither notice how jumpy he is the next day, grabbing onto Katsuki’s arm at the slightest sudden movements. They pretend to not notice the slight strain days like that leave on their friendship after.
Not when their class graduates into their third and final year at UA, and each other's grinning eyes are the first to meet. Not then.
Until their relationship hits a major, unexpected – (to nobody but themselves) – turning point.
The two boys sat in Izuku's room in his and his mother's home, window open and fan blowing on high speed in an attempt to keep the hot summer air moving. Both lay sprawled out on Izuku’s bed, legs hanging off the side and lightly bickering over the most useless of things.
“No, I’m telling you! That All Might edition was a myth, there's no way you could've had it when it didn't even exist!” Izuku laughed.
“Sure, whatever, I think you're just jealous I had one and you didn't, and your hard skull blocked it out. I don't blame you.” Katsuki grinned.
Izuku huffed. “Why do I even bother, there's really no reasoning with you Kacchan.”
They lay in a comfortable silence, listening to the sound of cars passing and each other's breathing. Izuku let his mind wander, basking in the comforting presence of Katsuki lying beside him. He really wished the day would cool off already. He could feel the uncomfortable itching of sweat beginning to gather on his lower back, even in a T-shirt and shorts with his bangs pinned back.
“Hey, Izuku?” Katsuki murmured, a hint of hesitation in his voice.
“Hm?” He hummed contently, eyes closed and focusing on the light draft finally hitting his face.
“Do you…”
At the sound of Katsuki trailing off with that, almost scared, tone of voice, Izuku opened his eyes and shifted up onto his elbows.
Katsuki was already sitting up, a contemplating look on his face and the wind lightly blowing through his spiky hair. The way his elbows rested on his criss-crossed legs with his back hunched made him look much, much too young, even at 17 going on 18.
“Sometimes… I get scared we're going to be apart from each other again.” He said quietly, causing Izuku's heart to lurch down into his stomach. “And not like before UA. You know what I mean.” He looked back to meet Izuku’s eyes, who hesitantly nodded, intently listening to what he had to say.
“So, I’ve been thinking, I don't think I want to be apart from each other ever again.” He said. He shifted his body to be fully facing Izuku, who in turn confusedly sat up completely and turned his upper body to face Katsuki back. He couldn't quite tell where Katsuki was going with this, but his heart sped up against his will, seemingly understanding before his brain could catch up.
“Be my partner.” Katsuki said assertively. “Boyfriend, hero partner, both. In anything. Everything. Just be my partner. We'll never have to be apart again, the rest of our lives.”
Izuku’s pretty sure his brain lagged out.
All he could focus on was the way the setting sun illuminated the way Katsuki leaned into his palms set in front of him, narrow red eyes soft on Izuku's face with an expectant look. Like he knew Izuku so well he already knew what his answer would be.
Izuku's lip trembled, his own eyes immediately welling with tears, from the first actual mention of what had happened between them and Katsuki’s assertion-like question. He immediately lurched forwards, burying his face into the crook of Katsuki’s neck and wrapped his arms around his shoulders with a vice-like grip. Izuku felt more than heard the slight laugh he gave as he wrapped his arms loosely around Izuku’s back, resting the side of his head on top of Izuku’s.
“If… if we do this. I need you to know that if something, happens, to you again, I don't think I’ll be able to handle it. I really, really won't be able to.” Izuku whispers into the shoulder he's clinging to. Katsuki tightens his arms around his back, before shifting Izuku off of him and cupping his hands under his face. Izuku leans into the touch.
“I need you to promise. Please.” Izuku whispers with a teary gaze, eyes darting across Katsuki’s face. “I can't do that again. I don't think I'd make it.”
Katsuki presses his forehead into his, hands tightening over Izuku’s cheeks. “I promise.” He says, roughly but affectionately kissing the tears from Izuku's cheeks.
“I don't break my promises.”