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i.
“So, you have never kissed anyone?” Regina asks, her voice an octave higher than usual, “that’s so sweet, Cady, isn’t it so sweet?”
Gretchen echoes something, while Karen nods in agreement.
Cady is aware of everything Janis and Damian have told her, given, the plastics can be… too much, sometimes. But they have these moments too. All sitting in Regina’s bed, talking about their lives. Who has dated who, where to buy clothes (preferably) and what would suit Cady’s body the best, or how to cheat on her exams. It’s fun though, to have mindless conversations that don’t revolve around current political issues.
It makes her sound like a bitch, even in her head.
There’s nothing wrong with her friends, really. But sometimes she doesn’t want to talk about the latest gay horror movie or an early 2000s camp production of some random musical. The trio are, well, they are superficial. It isn’t a bad thing, necessarily, and it makes Cady think she’s in a teenage show instead of a conversation where she is too scared of fucking up or saying something downright stupid.
But maybe the fact that she has never kissed anyone could be stupid, because Regina leaves out a little laugh, and tucks her hair behind her ear. It makes her feel childish against her, and honestly a bit defensive.
“We could teach you, I mean, if you want to.”
“What?”
“Yes, we have all learnt to kiss with each other,” Gretchen adds, getting a look from Regina. “When we were little. We don’t do that. Anymore.”
“Didn’t we kiss the other day?” Karen wonders out loud, half in her own world.
“We weren’t talking about it,” Gretchen says, hitting her friend slightly.
“Shut up, I’m asking Cady if she wants to learn how to kiss.”
“Uh, sure?”
It’s all Regina needs to hear, because she leans in, prompting herself closer to Cady on the bed, and cups her head on her hand.
Regina is truly flawless; Cady can realize having her so close. Except that she might be focusing more on how rapid her heart is going, how much she seems to blink and how hot Regina’s hand is on her cheek. It’s stupid how thoughtless she feels at the moment, how everything in her is just about Regina George.
About Regina George being so close to her, too close to her, and about to be her first kiss.
And then Regina finally puts their lips together, and she tastes like strawberry bubblegum which was something Cady had thought only happened in romance books. But all was truly soft and pink, and Regina was moving slightly, changing the position of her hand down to Cady’s neck, and deepening the kiss.
It isn’t that Cady is overly worried with how her friend sees her, but she certainly hopes that she isn’t as pathetic in the whole kissing thing as she feels. Because she’s sure, even with nothing to compare it to, that Regina is actually a good kisser. A great kisser.
ii.
“It’s all fun, don’t be dumb,” Regina chastises, “as long as you don’t like, burn my things later.”
This goes on the list of things Cady will make sure to never tell Janis.
They are at one of Karen’s parties, and she’ll give it to Regina, it is fun. The music is too loud but everyone is too drunk to really pay any attention to her. Which is good, she still hasn’t recovered from how ashamed she had felt at the Halloween’s party. But now that she knows how to dress, they all accept her as one more of the plastics, no one is going to say anything bad to her face. Or at least she doesn’t think so.
She sort-of wonders if Regina would say something in her favor, if she would defend her. But a game of spin the bottle later and she’s regretting all of her choices. Aaron sits next to Regina, of course he does almost right in front of Cady who’s between Gretchen and Karen’s cousin and pretends not to stare at them.
She truly hates how Regina touches him, how she pushes his hair around, how she grabs him by the arm to pull him closer. How her hands linger on his back every now and then. And she hates it even more because she knows Regina sometimes does that to her too. The rhythmic movement of her hands, the way she would brush Cady’s skin softly with her hand, how she had arranged her clothes more than once to make her look better.
She sort of absolutely hates how Regina is sometimes; how special she can make someone feel just to then do it to someone else. It’s ridiculous.
And she longs so much for Regina’s attention it is pathetic.
She’s planning her downfall with Janis and Damian for God’s sake! There’s no reason why she should also be going behind her like a lost puppy, hoping for some sort of approval. She has seen how Gretchen gets, and it is strange, but closer to the group, she can understand the power Regina holds.
Cady smiles, faking confidence, and pushes herself to the center of the round, “c’mon.”
Regina smirks, and leaves Aaron’s side to get in front of Cady.
She’s all black and leather today, unlike the time it was at her house. Her eyes are shimmering after so much alcohol, but she’s herself. She isn’t lost like the other ones, like the ones who have gotten so drunk they’re making fun of themselves. The kind of tipsy Regina is only makes her more composed. Better than anyone else at drinking games.
Better than anyone at everything, really.
Regina initiates the kiss, and when Cady tries to break it, she holds on a little longer.
“Any pyro thoughts yet?” she asks, producing a laugh rise along the rest.
“No, and you?”
There’s something in the way Regina’s face changes slightly, a certain confusion or even surprise, and Cady is not sure what is going to happen, if she’s getting a new one ripped or what, but all her friend says is: “You do think you’re a big deal, don’t you?”
iii.
Regina gets in front of her, and her stomach turns.
Maybe she knows. She knows about the plan and fuck, even if she was a part of it and knows what might happen, that doesn’t mean Regina George is any less scary. Any less the queen of the school, the one everyone wants to be. And the one who can make Cady’s life hell if she finds out what she has been planning.
It doesn’t take away the fact that pimple and all, Regina still looks intimidatingly gorgeous. All blonde hair and bright eyes that could probably pierce a soul or some shit like that. And all the red, the fitted skirt and even fitter top. The red lips.
Karen and Gretchen are changing, which means they’re all alone. Just them in the small room behind the school’s theater, and it’s difficult for Cady to breathe normally when she has Regina towering right in front of her.
Except that Regina puts her hands on Cady’s shoulders and leans in, giving her a quick peek on the mouth. It’s softer and gentler than what she’s used to getting from her, maybe even more intimate.
Their lips linger together for maybe a second longer than intended.
Would it count as a kiss? Because in that case that’s her third kiss, in her entire life. Coincidentally, all have been with Regina. And it wasn’t expected this time, not at all. But there’s something building inside, an anxiety she can’t shake off. Janis will probably say later that it was the kiss of death or that Regina has poison in her mouth. But it is not true, so she asks: “What was it for?”
“Good luck, obviously.”
She’s speechless, because there’s not much to say to that. Not when Regina acts as if everything she does is absolute and final, and nothing else has any sense of being. And it is hard to believe otherwise, almost impossible.
“Thank you,” Cady says, still a bit confused.
“You’re welcomed.” Regina smiles, taking a pad of cotton from the table in front of her. “Now come here, I think I smuggled your lipstick.”
iv.
If Cady is being honest, she feels at least a bit guilty about what happened to Regina.
There’s way too many could’ve’s, would’ve’s, should’ve’s not to. She could’ve not followed her, let her go alone and continue with the fight another day, in a safer place. She would’ve sincerely told her to watch out, would’ve pushed her out of the way if she had the chance to. And she shouldn’t have done anything, honestly.
It wasn’t only about Regina, it was about falling so low and everything that followed after. Falling out with Janis and Damian. The fact that Ms Norburry was investigated for something she clearly didn’t do. Having done so much in order to, what? Break Aaron and Regina up? Ruin their lives until he would date her?
Definitely nothing had been logical. And she only felt guilty about the crash when thinking about it, but felt guilty about everything else all the time. Allowing Regina to be bullied, maybe even created her an eating disorder, or at least contributed to it, generated internet content that might stay there for the rest of their lives, yes, it was all fucked.
Luckily, even if they were on path to become somewhat friends again, the only class she shared with Regina was drama. Luckily because she could barely face her without feeling way too many, way too confusing feelings. She doesn’t hate her, she can’t, but she can’t bring herself to really explain how sorry she is. There are no words to it.
But the class is easy, and honestly, none of them care much about it. Enough to pass and go unnoticed between the theater nerds. The good thing is that most of the time they’re just on their phone, justifying that they have all their parts there for the reading.
Except that they now have to put something on, with the pairs they had chosen at the start. Which means she’s paired up with Regina. Regina who Cady has no idea what is going on in her mind.
“Genderbent Romeo and Juliet?” she asks, taking Cady out of her thoughts.
“Sure.”
“You don’t have to say yes, you know.”
“But I have no idea what else to do and it sounds good,” Cady smiles. “Which scene?”
“Maybe one with a kiss, they will love the inclusion,” Regina offers. “Do you think Aaron would mind?”
Cady gulps, the guilt eating her insides. She hadn’t even thought about it before agreeing, rather thinking about when they had kissed for the last time. That good luck kiss at the show, which had certainly been good for her, but not so much for Regina.
And that’s how they get an A at drama class.
v.
“You’re like really pretty.”
“You’ve said that before.”
“Like really, really pretty,” Regina continues, slurring her words together until they make no sense for Cady.
Because Regina is drunk, badly so. She isn’t even sure when the blonde had gotten herself so intoxicated, it was only midnight and they tended to not get hammered until later on. Even more so, Regina never got too drunk. Ever.
Puking was not particularly a trait of hers. Working herself to exhaustion, yes, Cady had learnt that in the worst of ways during season, when Regina was barely able to go to school after a game. And worrying too much about her weight too, but it seemed to get better after the bus crash and going to therapy.
And it still hurt that Regina had to go through it, but it might’ve resulted in something good.
She seems looser, calmer than she ever was in Cady’s presence. And she has stopped talking so much about everything she hates about herself. She still does, but less, which is most likely for the better. Cady tries to repeat that to herself all the time, to take her mind off about everything bad that has happened.
But now Regina is on her bed, a little too out of her mind, slurring her words together and opening her arms in Cady’s direction.
“I want you to kiss me!”
It shouldn’t surprise her, Regina always seeks some kind of validation, some kind of someone telling her that she’s enough, that she’s wanted. But it still does, because she’s really fucking drunk and it makes no sense for Regina to want to kiss her.
“You should really get some water; I’m going to look for some for you.”
“No, don’t leave.” She takes Cady’s hand on hers, and pulls her closer. “I want you here with me.”
“It’s just a second, I’ll go and get some water and I’ll be back.”
“You’re going with Aaron, aren’t you?”
“I’m not, we’re not dating anymore.”
“You’re not?”
“No, he broke up with me a few days ago, we just haven’t really made it official yet. But I don’t think we’re getting back.”
“What? He broke up with you?” She nods. “That sucks. He sucks.”
Cady left out a little chuckle at Regina’s honesty, “he does.”
“He’s an asshole. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
And with a sudden movement she pushes herself forward, taking Cady’s shirt on her hands and pulling her in. Unlike their later kisses, this feels too close to the first one. To the one that left Cady thinking about Regina’s lip gloss for days and pretending it was all about the brand she was using and how soft it left her lips.
She tastes like vodka and raspberries and it’s once again that Cady reminds how good of a kisser she truthfully is. Because now she has someone to compare her to, and yes, definitely, she’s better than Aaron, way better. She thinks she doesn’t want to stop.
But she does anyway.
“You really are drunk, R.”
+1
“Can we talk?” Cady asks, hoping for it not to sound worrisome.
Because honestly, she’s worried. Because she likes Regina George, like she would actually love to date Regina George. And she has decided to say it, because she’s not good at keeping her feelings at bay and maybe she wants to test her luck. But she knows it’ll probably go wrong.
Maybe not hit by a bus wrong, but a I don’t want to be your friend if you have a crush on me wrong.
It would suck, Cady thinks. Because she really enjoys spending time with Gretchen and Karen, but they’re Regina’s friends first, and they wouldn’t stop talking to her, but it wouldn’t be the same as it is now. Also she sometimes needs the kind of talks that they only have, the gossip and the high school and Damian really tries but he isn’t the same.
And, if she’s honest, she’s more scared about losing Regina.
They have grown to know each other, and Cady would bet she knows Regina better than anyone else. She knows how her malice works, how it is rooted and where, and she can see how she tries to be better, and how it is almost impossible most of the time. But she also knows how she’s caring, fiercely protective of what is hers.
(And yes, maybe Cady’s heart skips a beat when she sees her, when they share a secret, when Regina plays with her hair or gives her a kiss.)
“Is everything good?” Regina wonders, “Cady?”
“Yes, yes, it’s just,” she takes a deep breath, trying to steady her own heart. “I like you.”
“What?”
“I like you. A lot. Do you like me?”
“I thought it was obvious,” she whispers. “Of course I do.”
And it is sudden how the instincts get the best of Cady, because the next thing she does is leaning in, delicately, stopping just an inch away from Regina. Their noses are almost bumping, and she forces herself to stare at her eyes, who look so dreamy and so sweet and unlike the normal edginess.
She looks at her with a sweetness and a kindness that Cady knows, she really knows, is only for her.
It’s stupid how she can only see it now. How she had so clearly longed for this kind of attention, for the Regina who kisses her in the most random of ways only for some good luck, for the Regina she wants sitting next to her in parties and taking her back to bed to sleep off the hangover.
“Can I kiss you?”
Her voice sounds small, and Regina can only barely nod, a part because of the lack of personal space, and maybe because she’s nervous. Yes, Cady likes to think she’s as nervous as herself. And she thinks she is, because she knows Regina.
And she takes the lead, lips lingering, holding Regina close. For the first time, Cady kisses Regina.