Chapter Text
Why Tony Should Not Interfere With Clint’s Love Life
Chapter 1
“…of course Pepper… Yes… No… it’s on the… yes… I… ask JARVIS. Yes… No… Tomorrow… What do you…Yes… Ok…”
Clint arched an eyebrow across the table at Bruce as Tony sat down opposite him next to the doctor, chatting away on his cell phone. Bruce just returned a smirk, shoving some lunch into his mouth. Clint cast a brief glance at Tony – who showed no signs that the conversation was about to end – and returned his attention to his own lunch.
“…yes. No…. JARVIS will… down in the lab… yes… never! I… Ok, see you when you get back,” the cell phone was snapped shut. “I do not know what I would do without that woman.”
“Catch an STD?” Clint dead-panned, shoving food into his mouth, but he turned an amused smile to his colleague. Tony pulled a mock-offended face but it turned into a nod.
“She does make me a better man,” he conceded with a grin – and a not all that serious tone. “It’s a strange thing really. That opposites can attract so much. Don’t you agree agent Barton?”
Clint paused, fork half-way towards his open mouth. Arching an eyebrow he turned a suspicious gaze upon Tony’s overly innocent expression.
“I guess…” he muttered, eyes narrowing slightly as he shoved his food in his mouth. Tony continued, undeterred.
“After all could you imagine me with another…well… another me? Of course I am one of a kind but...” the billionaire gestured to Clint but looked to Bruce. “Could you imagine having to put up with two moody, quiet, brooding archery types?”
“Eh… No…” Bruce said but it was obviously more just to pacify the other man as he arched an eyebrow at Clint, noticing the archer’s shoulders tensing.
“Of course I can’t exactly see Barton here settling down with some timid little wall flower either. I…” he blinked rapidly as suddenly the archer in question stood and walked away from the table. “Was it something I said?”
“Not very subtle,” Bruce replied. Tony waved a hand dismissively.
“I’ll figure out his type. And he’ll thank me.”
x-x-x
“Welcome agent Barton,” JARVIS’s voice greeted Hawkeye as he stepped up to the main door of Stark Tower, the door opening swiftly for him to enter. Clint took a deep breath and accepted the unspoken invitation. “Mr Stark is waiting for you on the eight floor.”
Clint gave a small nod - more out of habit than to actually acknowledge the bodiless voice. Making his way toward the elevator he once again stepped through the door that automatically opened for him. He took several deep, calming breaths. Not that it worked. The archer knew Tony was up to something. The other man had been acting… strangely ever since he had unceremoniously come out to his colleagues. Not in a bad way just like… just like he was always plotting something. Of course all the hints and attempts to figure out his type had not exactly been subtle either…
“Ah… agent Barton,” Tony grinned as the elevator pinged open. “Come in, come in! You’re just in time for lunch.”
Clint suppressed a sigh as he stepped out of the elevator. Tony stood by a kitchen island with a man who Clint did not recognise. Plates of food adorned the counter – and Clint did have to admit it did look rather tempting.
“It’s alright – I’m not hungry.”
“No, no, I insist,” in the blink of an eye Tony rounded the counter and pushed the archer towards it. “Clint this is Pepper’s friend Jack, Jack this is Clint Barton. We… work together.”
Clint suppressed a groan, concentrating on not rolling his eyes as he forced a smile at the man standing by Tony’s side.
“Nice to meet you,” the other man – Jack – returned a smile. Tony guided Clint into one of the stools at the island, taking the folder the agent had held in his hand.
“Thanks for this by the way,” he said before tossing it onto another counter without even looking at the cover. “Jack here is visiting Pepper for the week and the inconsiderate thing that she is she’s gone and had to visit… somewhere. Very time consuming being CEO of Stark Industries…”
“I thought she resigned? Again?” Clint frowned. He really had no idea what title Pepper had that week – and cared even less – but he wanted to interrupt Tony’s train of thought. It did not work.
“So poor Jack here has been left in my care,” a sharp beep sounded, apparently from Tony’s watch. “Oh – I am required in the lab,” he flashed a smile at both men. “Excuse me. Just start lunch without me. JARVIS, agent Barton is to stay for lunch, do not let him leave.”
Clint opened his mouth to object but by the time he had thought of a reply that did not involve any obscenities the billionaire had disappeared out of a nearby side door. With a quiet sigh he forced a polite expression onto his face and turned to Jack. The other man laughed quietly.
“It’s ok. Pepper warned me he’d do this – and you wouldn’t be amused,” Jack shrugged and waved a hand. “Just go. She told JARVIS to ignore any instructions to the contrary.”
A genuine smile pulled on Clint’s lips. With a small nod he clambered to his feet.
“Thanks. And please do thank Pepper for me too.”
The agent did not reply to the text message he later received from Tony calling him rude.
x-x-x
Tony breezed into the SHIELD training room late in the morning, casting a quick glance up into the corner before making his way towards the new recruits gathered in the middle of the room.
"Agent Brandt?" he caught the attention of one of the men as the group started to disperse. The young agent blinked rapidly but gave a composed nod.
"Mr Stark."
"Good training session?" the billionaire asked conversationally. The agent gave another nod.
"It went ok, yeah."
"Good good. So..." Tony's lips quirked into a smile. "Do you know agent Barton?"
"Hawkeye? Only by reputation," agent Brandt replied with a faint frown. Tony nodded.
"You know him to look at though yeah?" he arched an eyebrow. "You have to admit he's not bad looking. Perhaps yo..." the billionaire let out a quiet yelp as an arrow suddenly landed between him and the SHIELD agent. Tony looked down at the arrow before raising his head again. "You usually nest in the south eastern corner."
There was a quiet scoff from Tony's left.
"Yeah - the newbies didn't see me either," Clint commented from his high vantage point. The agent in front of Tony cursed quietly.
"Not such a good training then," Tony arched an eyebrow. "Anyway, I hear on the grapevine that you're single and..." a small red laser spot appeared on Tony's chest. "...that you bat for the other team and..." the red dot moved down toward the billionaire's crotch. "And forget we ever had this conversation,” his voice raised as he gave a wave towards the gantry. “Goodbye agent Barton.”
“Stark,” Clint responded blandly, lowering his bow as his Avengers team mate turned and swiftly exited the room. With a small sigh he turned his attention to the young agent still hovering below. “Always check your surroundings agent,” he instructed sternly.
“Yes sir,” the agent nodded, quickly heading for the door as Clint gave a gesture that he could leave. The senior SHEILD agent let out a weary sigh. Tony was not going to let this drop…
x-x-x
Tony and Bruce let out a hearty laugh as Thor waved his hands about, coming to the conclusion of his latest anecdote.
“Well I have to say this Fandral the Dashing sounds like an interesting character,” Tony smiled. Thor grinned.
“He is a dear friend. A true brother in arms.”
Tony nodded, regarding the other thoughtfully.
“And a bit of a romantic?”
Thor laughed quietly and shook his head helplessly.
“I have never met another as hopelessly romantic as he.”
“And is it just the ladies he swoons over?”
“Tony…” Bruce warned quietly but Thor did not hear as he tilted his head in thought.
“I think he would fawn over anyone who would call him pretty,” he smirked. Tony grinned, despite another warning from Bruce.
“Perhaps you should take him down here for a visit some day? I am sure he and Barton would find a lot to… talk about. They could compare fighting techniques.”
“Ha!” Thor shook his head, catching Bruce’s eye with a knowing arch of the eyebrow. “I will not take part in your attempts to find Clint a mate. And certainly not Fandral. They would kill each other before they would become even friends,” Thor shuddered. “After they killed us.”
“But…” Tony shut his mouth abruptly as something hit him square in the back of the head. He turned round slowly to see Clint looking back at him with narrowed eyes.
“Take the big guy’s advice,” the archer said calmly but his arms crossed and his shoulders tensed. “Stop it.”
Tony pursed his lips as Clint turned and walked away. With a small sigh he turned back to Thor and Bruce who both looked at him with pointed looks.
“Ok – so not Fandral.”