Chapter Text
Bathroom woke up and got out of bed. He walked to his mirror and saw his shimmering blue orbs. He may live in an eternal hellscape of analog grey, but his balls of eye goop were still fabulously framed by long camel eyelashes that he batted fondly at himself. Anyway he was a nude freakazoid monster with limbs stretched down to his feet, and the posture of a hunchback. Aforementioned beautiful baby blues were unblinking, stinging with dryness as they stared into his own soul. The bathroom tiles were cold against his stretchy feet as he glanced to his left at the tub. His bed. His life. His world. He was concieved in that tub, he was born in that tub, he IS that tub. It’s how he got his fabulojs name, Bathroom. His mom walked in
“Bathroom, sweaty, we need to talk”
“Yes mom?” His blue orbs shimered.
“Your dad and I were thinking… of letting you out of the tub…”
Bathroom was surprised by the words that came out of his mother’s mouth. He felt mixed feelings about this. He wanted to explore the world, but, at the same time, he was so used to his tub.
But he looked up at his mother, his dear sweet mother and her dear sweet smile. A three-foot tall head with a pearly-white grin taking up most of her face. Her eyes blurred like a polaroid taken by an arthritis patient, and her arms were just as lengthy as her beautiful bouncing baby boys. She was a lovely, conventionally attractive lady with no flaws whatsoever.
“My son” her voice echoed against the bathroom walls, layered over with a deep voice made of static. Ah, father. Bathroom had such fond memories. After mother consumed him like a mantis for sustenance, their relationship had never been stronger. So strong now, they were one unit, echoing eachothers thoughts. “You are a big boy now. And beyond the walls of this house, there is an empty, black void. And past that void, there is a highschool connecting all the other voids together. Every young man like yourself needs to take the important step of exiting their home and exposing themselves to the multiverse beyond!”
Bathroom hated when mother used simple baby speech at him, sometimes it felt like she still thought of him as a child. But deep down, he knew she was right, if he wanted to continue living a normal nuclear life like he did, it would be best to meet new people, and learn the mathematics.
“But mother,” Bathroom’s orbs stared at his reflection again, this time in the shiny tile floor and not the mirror. “I am-...”
“You’re scared, my child. I know” Father’s voice almost seemed louder now. Or, was Bathroom merely hallucinating? “But I have faith in you. We both know you’re a homosapien who is plenty capable of foraging for your own substances. You’ve been taught everything you need to know, such as appropriate pituitary gland washing, and the care of a budding flesh nymph, and rugby. Your first day of highschool is merely the next step in your evolution.”
Mother was once again talking down to him with a limited vocabulary, but Bathroom couldn’t help but crack a smile. His sore jaw muscles crinkled and moaned as he slowly let the corners of his mouth rise past his nose, revealing teeth just as pearly as mom’s, settled in tarry black gums.
“You’re right, mother. This is… The next stage in my cocooning.”
\~/The next day\~/
Bathroom woke up once again, and stared into his deep blue orbs in the mirror once again. He was ready. He slowly lifted his right leg over the border of his tub, setting his foot down oin the floor. Then, he slowly lifted his right leg and did the same motion. He was out of his tub. For the first time in his life, he was out of his tub.
He slowly walked towards the door of the bathroom and grabbed the doorknob, turning it agonisingly slow, and opened the door. He set foot outside of the bathroom and into the hallway of his house. He had never seen his house except for the reflection of the hallway in the bathroom mirror whenever his parents would enter the room to shit. He was startled by his mom’s presence next to him.
“Bathroom” Both of his parents’ voices spoke. “Are you ready for your first day of school?” They asked.
“Yes” He replied, nervously sweating.
He walked towards the door of his house and outside. The outside world. He marveled at the sight of a seemingly infinite black void. He turned around and said goodbye to his parents before embarking on his first adventure in the outside world.
After traveling through 80 acres of black void, he finally spotted the highschool.
It was certainly no suburban building like the one Bathroom had grown up in. Much less a bathtub. It towered about 150 feet in the air, lined with repetitive square windows in perfect succession, dizzying when looked at for too long. Hundreds of steps led up to massive double doors at the front, a crimson red against the beige walls of peeling paint. It was a plain rectangular shape, not unlike a shoebox of sorts, with a matching red roof pointed at the top, covering in bird droppings because surely the janitor is not paid enough to climb up there.
The golden schoolbell placed above it’s porch rung out, echoing out into the void despite Bathroom not having heard it on his journey here. It had the high-pitch that was to be expected, mixed in with the loud clanging from it’s large size. It almost reminded Bathroom of Mother…
Footsteps pattered about the entrance, and Bathroom was given his first glance at the other peoples across the void. A variety of different dhapes and sizes, some inches tall, some so big the massive school couldn’t even contain them. Bright, glaring colors standing next to pools of solid black and faceless grey beings. From all corners of the void, they had stepped from their planes of existence just like bathroom had to become. Something. Bathroom felt a ray of hope in his chest, feeling like maybe there was nothing to be scared of after all. Maybe everyone else here was just like him, members of normal families just looking to learn.
“Ayo BITCH”
Bathroom’s family never used such languahe. He should be totally unfamiliar with it, but somehow, he knew he was being insulted. His feet slapped against the tempatureless, formless floor of the void like flappy wet rulers, and his piercing orbs darted across fields of clashing color to land on a closer figure, soft purple with a splash of pink through it s hair. Bright colors, but none too painful to the sensitive orbs. The creature stood on all fours like some sort of horrific beast, standing next to a slice of cheese, or yellow rubber. The cheese wore business casual wear, with eyes too big for it’s face. Bright blue orbs just as shiny as Bathroom’s, he almost felt jealous. Swiss guy had rosy cheeks and a dopey smile, not even caring that his fellow creatoid had snapped at the 10 foot tall normal human before them.
Even shorter than the mustard eraser, so small Bathroom hardly noticed her at first, a furball with entire galaxies behind her orbs, and neon pink cloth draped over its form that matched the horned cryptid standing at the forerront.
The unfamiliar creature took another step closer to Bathroom, it’s shoe somehow planted into it’s body (ew), as the firm substance on it’s foot made a solid clacking noise against the imaginary floor of the void. Bathroom had stepped backwards instinctively, his eyes wide as he stared down at the saturated animal beyond comprehension.
“It’s another freak! From the BAD side of the void!” Echoed the four-legger, it’s voice high-pitched lile mothers. Perhaps it was female. The cheese let out an ear-piercing giggle, and Bathroom wasn’t even sure if he was listening, or just thinking of an unrelated joke. The groups leader, supposedly, continued her rambling without remarking on his ‘input’, “I am sick and tired of all these… MONSTERS being let into our school!” Because this thing was one to talk.
“I know, right?” Mused the furball, her fuzz swirling in a cotton candy mess of pink and blue, “I mean… Just look at that thing! They get worse and worse each year, I swear!”
The animalistic one grimaced, shaked, and spat out a loogie onto the floor of the void. The plehgm sunk into the blackness, consumed by the intangible surface, if one could even call it that. “I agree, if I wanted to be disgusted I’d volunteer for student janitor duty. Celestia knows what kind of craps you THINGS must lay.”
The cheese had stepped over to Bathroom’s flabbergasted form, and held out four stubby fingers for a handshake, his big buck teeth shinmering just as white as Bathroom’s as the two furries behind him listed off all the ways Bathroom was a horrendous mistake who sucked hugely.
“Hi, I’m SpongeBob!” It said once Bathroom went out to shake his tiny hand with long, slender fingers. Oh, so it’s not a cheese.
“I’m Bathroom-”
“BAHAHAHAHAHA!” SpongeBob placed both hands on his chest, letting out a high-pitched guffaw that interrupted the girls behind him. He gave a sassy gesture of the wrist, “Oh, you’re such a kidder!” Bathroom didn’t understand the joke, but before he could ask the ch- sponge was already waving his twiggy arm back at the other two, who glared up at Bathroom with pure hatred. “These are my friends Twilight, and Judy!” Tittered the sponge, poonting at the four-legger, and small cub respectively.
“And we will not be friends with you.” Twilight insisted, just to make sure Bathroom didn’t get the wrong idea. The singular smooth antler on her head glowed with a pink that matched the streak in her hair. Judy nodded approvingly, folding her arms across her frilly dress.
The rusty golden bell hanging above the boxy school was ringing again. Bathroom knew little about school customs, but he had a feeling a noise that loud must be important. The sweat running doen SpongeBob’s forehead and then getting absorbed into his pores seemed to confirm his suspicions. The red-tied sea creature cleared his non-existent throat, and turned to look at Twi and Judy, who were still discussing all the things they’d rather do instead of befriend Bathroom, such as wipe their bums with sandpaper. “Uh, guys? Was that one bell or two?” SpongeBob tapped his chin, and Twilight’s eyebrow flew up in a second.
“Argh- dammit! It’s already the tardy bell?? My perfect record! NO!” The purple coated animal had clopped up the hundreds of steep stairs before she’d even finished talking, “How come none of you warned me?!” She called back, even though none of them could hear it. And she was the one who went out of her way to call Bathroom a big smelly but whatever
With a squishy squeaking noise, SpongeBob bounded after her, his thin arms flailing wildly in dramatic fashion like he was running from a t-rex. Judy was third to follow, her short legs barely keeping up with the speed demons ahead of her, as Twilight had already disppeared behind the giant double doors. Bathroom stood out in the void alone, staring up at the square building in dead silence. Every other student had rushed inside ages ago, and despite not knowing what was happening he figured it was his duty to go along with them.
The concrete of the steps up was cold. He wished he’d brought shoes, but no stores carry any in his size.
~~~~~
The classroom was loud. Louder than the bell. Louder than the roar of a thousand supernovas. Amidst the chaos of about two dozen deranged, screaming students, there was a table in the back with an empty seat. The other seat pushed into the table also a0peared empty, but on further inspection by Bathroom’s bloo orbs he saw a floating purple creature with holes through it’s face where eyes would be, showing the back of the classroom wall. The being seemed normal-ish at first, but as Bathroom stepped closer he discovered the being was purly flat like a sheet of paper.
Bathroom scooted the seat back with a deafening screech, but everything was deafening in this room so whatever, and sat down as hunched as he always did, staring at they grey desk before him. Front where he was sitting the thing was practically invisible, but he could still here its voice
“hey, hru?” Asked the being. It seemed to be some sort of question judging by the tone, but it appeared to be some sort of strange alien language, like fr*nch. Bathroom turned his long-necked head to the side, leaning over further to actually see its face and not a sliver.
“Your questy confuses me,” Bathroom murmured, his pale lips slightly quivering. The holes in place of eyes blinked, the floating purple paper hovering in mid air.
‘sup?’ The purp guy repeated, but Bathroom was too busy staring at the whiteboard behind the empty teachers podium, ‘’1+1=3 <- TRUE !!!!’’, Bathroom wasn’t much of a math knower, but something seemed off. ‘im discord logo’ it continued, ‘not to be confused with my cousin wumpus’
Bathroom turned back to the creature with a loud snap as his neck twisted, but before he could comprehend its words he and the whole class were interrupted by noises even gods could not understand
“BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBBLBLBLBLBBL”
With that, the whole class went silent. All of the screaming and chattering died down, the students now frozen in pure hypnosis and staring at the teacher podium. No longer empty. Bathroom gasped.
He thought of a memory. He remembered a connection, one Mother had always told him about, about how he could always watch the human world “E-arth” on the computational device. The teacher was one of the first familiar things for him on the new side of the void, a face he could know anywhere. It was horrific and demented, sure, just like all the other creatures from different sides, but he had grown used to the vile and disgusting looks of humans. Even if this particular human was a rather particularly gross mutation.
It was Jerma985.