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Matt was sitting on the floor of his bathroom. A cigarette in his mouth as he stares at the scars on his wrists. He hasn't done self-harm in a while, but the urge is there, the scars are there. The scars will be there forever, they might heal, but they're never gonna disappear.
He takes a long drag from his ciggarette. He feels pathetic. All he can think about is sleeping. He doesn't have these thoughts when he sleeps. What changed so much? His life wasn't the happiest in the orphanage, but after Mello leaving, everything seemed worse. Now him and Mello are together again, why isn't he happy? Maybe it's the fact that he knows they're gonna most likely die in this case. They're gonna die without getting their happy ending. Mello is in constant stress, he views this case a game. He wants to win it desperately, even if it costs his life. But Matt on the other side, he just wants to have a somewhat normal life. A chill one. He doesn't mind helping Mello to win this "game", but he definitely doesn't like it.
He just sits on the floor all alone, waiting for something. He doesn't even know what it is, but he's waiting for it. After a few minutes, which feels like hours to Matt, he hears the apartment's door opening. Did Mello finally come home?
Matt usually is in his room or in the living room, smoking or playing video games. It kind of suprises Mello not to see him there. Matt hears him call out for his name. "Matt, where are you?!". His voice sounds frustrated for some reason. But it usually is, Matt is used to it. He sees Mello opening to bathroom door, looking down at him. "Why are you on the floor? And what did i tell you about smoking inside?!-". Before Mello can finish yelling at Matt, He notices the scars on Matt's wrists. Matt looks up at him, just staring at eachother. After a few moments of quietness, Mello speaks, ".. What did you do? Why did you do this?". Matt really doesn't know how answer. "Why?" is the question he often asks himself too. Matt lowers his head, staring at the floor. "I don't know."
Mello sits down on the floor infront of Matt. "What do you mean 'you don't know'? You don't just start cutting yourself because of nothing. Please, you can tell me what's wrong." Mello's voice much more gentle and caring. It's obvious he's worried about his best friend. "I really don't, Mello. Or atleast, I don't know how to explain it." Matt says in a quiet voice. He really does wanna talk about his problems to someone, but would that help in this situation? Would telling Mello about how he feels stop him from risking their life to find Kira?
"Then take your time. Think about it. I want to know what makes you feel bad enough to do.. this" Mello says as he stares at Matt's scars. Matt sighs and puts out his cigarette in an ashtray next to him. He can talk about it, he tells himself. "Mello.. i don't want to do this anymore. I don't want us to die. Not like this." Matt says in a sad voice. "What do you mean?" Mello voice is just more worried as he hears Matt venting. Both of them are aware that they're not going to survive this. They tried to make their plan as "safe" as possible, if you can call it that. But, the feeling that something is going to go horribly wrong is there.
"You know what I mean. It's my turn to ask a question. Why did you leave?"
"Matt, it's.. complicated. I just got so mad at the fact that Near got to be 'L's successor'. If I stayed, me and him would've had to work together. I can't see much good from that.."
Matt sighs again. It's true. A Mello and Near duo could never work. Unless they somehow would come to an agreement, but knowing their competitive natures, it's nearly impossible. Yet he still can't think about how life would be if he stayed. Maybe it would have been even worse?
Mello begins talking again, "But, if you're harming yourself like this, what else are you doing? Are you eating? Are you taking care of yourself?"
Mello's care towards him reminds Matt of a mother who is worried about her child. It's funny, considering Mello's agressive nature. But Matt thinks about how to answer Mello's questions. No, he isn't eating nor taking care of himself. Not mentally. But really, neither of them really do anything to help their mental health. Because that's not really what's been important for them in these past years. We can even say taht their mental healths were never the thing they looked out most for. Matt has been trying to sleep more. If Mello questioned, he just told him that he's tired, or that his eyes hurt. The eyes hurting was usually the more belivable one, considering that Matt spends most of his time infront of some kind of screen. But the real reason was that he doesn't have to eat. He doesn't even know why he doesn't want to eat. He's been living off junk food and cereal, but not even eating feels good anymore. He thinks that Mello might be feeling like this too. Lately he's been noticing that Mello isnt eating as much as chocolate as he usually does. He often sees Mello putting down a chocolate bar without even eating it, or just taking one bite.
"No, not really.. I mean, food doesn't feel like food anymore, you know?"
Mello sighs at Matt's words. Mello could only imagine what how Matt felt when he had to watch him "change" and fall into self-destructive things. But right now, he feels what Matt does. He doesn't want him to be hurt. They're still best friends after all. He wants to help Matt, he doesn't want him to suffer. Who would want that? He doesn't have much to comfort him with, but he will try his best.
Mello scoots closer to Matt and wraps his arms around him. Matt quickly reprociates the hug, he needs it. Mello closes his eyes, and he speaks to Matt in a soothing voice
"Matt, i'm so sorry for you.. I understand how you feel. But please, i don't want to see you like this. I.. don't want to see you hurt. Promise me not to do this again."
Matt can't take Mello's gentle words in this state. He really just wants to let it all out. He begins crying into Mello's shoulder. The tears are soaking into Mello's coat, he forgot to take it off, as he got distracted by the sight of Matt's scars. Matt's voice is quiet and sad, as he's in obvious mental pain.
"I promise you.."
Mello hearing his friend's crying is enough to break him too. He tears up too, caressing Matt's hair to calm him. Their little crying turns into sobbing. They're both so vulnerable and broken down right now, emotionally and physically. They have both been through so much and they're both trying to understand what they've gone through. just hugs Mello super tightly, holding on for his dear life and he just cries deeply in his shoulder. They just needed this. Just one time where they can just cry all their pains out. This feels like hours to them, as they're weeping on the bathroom floor.
After about half an hour of crying and sobbing, Matt and Mello finally regain some strength and they manage to stop crying and they just sit there with each other in each other's arms. Matt doesn't want to let go of Mello and Mello wants to continue to hold Matt, so he doesn't let go either.
In this wholesome and heart-warming moment, Matt's stomach growls. It's understandable. Matt hasnt eaten anything in hours. Matt's face is red from all the crying, his eyes are puffy. He chuckles a bit from hearing such an unexpected sound in the middle of something as sad, yet sweet as this.
"I think i'm hungry"
Mello smiles. It's really rare to see him do that. It's usually just his cocky smile, but Matt can tell he is genuine. His face is also red from their sobbing session. He stands up, helping up Matt. He pats Matt's shoulder, and he walks into the kitchen. It's small and kind of dirty. Matt and Mello got a cheap apartment for multiple reasons. Mostly because they don't plan on living here so long. Either because of dying, or somehow solving the case, and moving away somewhere more livable.
"I think we still have some left overs"