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At some point in his dream, Lloyd stopped breathing.
His chest tightened and his lungs refused to expand. Opening his mouth did no good. He felt as if cement were being poured down his throat. As if he were being buried alive. As if he were being drowned in mud.
He thrashed around desperately, but his limbs grew weaker and weaker. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t even scream for help, but what good would it have done anyways because he was alone and alone and alone and-
Lloyd awoke with a strangled gasp, jolting upright and reaching for someone who wasn’t there. Who hadn’t been there for a long time.
His chest was heaving painfully. Ears ringing, he reached up towards his throat with a trembling hand. He was fine. He curled in on himself and tried to quiet his breathing. He was fine.
Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes and he blinked them away. “Don’t be a baby,” he rasped to himself. Having a nightmare at his age was embarrassing enough. Crying, though? He’d never hear the end of it at Darkley's.
He hugged at his arms. God, it was cold. Sweat clung to his skin, dampening his shirt and worsening the chill of the air in his dorm. His breathing wouldn’t slow down either. It just became more harsh and frantic and god the tears were coming back again.
“Lloyd?”
Fuck.
He screwed his eyes shut, praying for his breaths to slow down, despite knowing that it was too late to hide it.
“You okay, Blondie?”
Lloyd’s heart lurched in his chest and his eyes began to burn. Don’t ask that. Don’t ever ask that.
Brad’s bed creaked as he moved into a sitting position. Lloyd refused to open his eyes to look at him.
“You don’t sound too good,” his roommate pressed on, stifling a yawn. “Was it a nightmare or something?”
Lloyd swallowed before responding. “No.” His voice cracked.
Fuck.
Brad fell silent. Lloyd almost wished he’d keep talking because the silence in the room wasn’t doing his unstable breathing any favours.
The bed creaked again and a couple of seconds later, Brad’s voice sounded much closer.
“Scooch over.”
Lloyd finally lifted his head from his knees, blinking his eyes open despite the burning feeling. His eyes were undoubtedly swollen and he must’ve looked like shit, but Brad’s expression didn’t change.
They stared at each other until Lloyd broke the silence.
“My sheets are covered in sweat,” he said weakly.
“Don’t care. Move.”
Lloyd stared at him for a moment before giving in and shifting towards the wall. Brad immediately took up the empty space – maybe a bit more as he moved closer to Lloyd – and tugged the blankets over them as he lied down.
Lloyd followed Brad’s movement and settled onto the pillow, shivering. Warm hands immediately found his own, offering quiet reassurance. His hitched breaths deepened into a more even rhythm as Brad rubbed soothing circles across his palms.
Minutes ticked by and the relentless pounding of his heart finally subsided. He exhaled a little shakily, feeling a sense of relief wash over him.
Brad gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “How you feeling now?”
Lloyd shifted under the sheets, meeting Brad’s gaze. “Better,” he rasped. “Cold though.”
“You’re such a baby.”
An arm wrapped around him and pulled him closer. Fingers carded through his hair, untangling the knots that had formed in his sleep.
The physical proximity was new. But Lloyd welcomed it.
Once Brad was convinced that Lloyd’s heart rate had settled, he allowed his eyes to flutter shut. Lloyd watched him, noting the rhythmic rise and fall of Brad’s chest and trying to match his breathing to the steady pattern.
“You’re not gonna ask me what the nightmare was about?” Lloyd whispered.
Brad’s eyes remained closed, but he responded quietly. “It’s not like you wanna talk about it, do you?”
“No,” Lloyd murmured. “I don’t.”
He pressed in closer and rested his head on Brad’s shoulder, soaking in the warmth. Brad pressed closer too.
“Get some rest,” he said sleepily. “I’ll help you fill Gene’s backpack with yogurt tomorrow.”
Lloyd huffed a small laugh. “You’re mean to him.”
“He stole my Starfarer book back in second grade. He deserves it.”
Lloyd grinned, forgetting the panic that had jolted him from his sleep only moments ago. “You’re such a baby.”
Brad flicked at his forehead but he was grinning too. “Go to sleep already, Blondie.”
“Mhm.”
Lloyd’s mind began to drift and everything around him went peaceful and dark.
He really was fine.