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As I was walking down the streets, people walking in pairs, night lights that made the night more intimate, a busy street and the petals of cherry blossoms falling from the branches as it danced with the cold air of spring.
I fished out my phone from my pocket and opened my messenger. Last message was sent 3 weeks ago. That makes it a month. I frowned when I saw no reply. I sighed before putting back the phone in my pockets.
I close my eyes for a while feeling the cold breeze lightly caressing my cheeks. I looked over the trees once again before I decided to finally come home. Back to the side of my roommate whom I fell in love with.
He’s a big guy, charming, and well, reserved. He often reminds me of a baby bear. I laughed at myself while imagining him as a bear. It really does suit him. His blue ocean eyes, pale blond hair, and his striking features as if he was sculpted by a god.
When I was first introduced to him in our work. He left the impression of someone who doesn’t like interacting with people. He often hunts the mission alone and seems like the captain leaves his business alone. That is why I was surprised when he said it was fine if we were to be paired as partners sometimes during missions.
But suddenly he changed. He always avoided my gaze and now he’s using the work as an excuse to not see me at all. Rather than feeling sad about it. I feel frustrated that if I were to see him right now I might punch him in his jaw. I relaxed my hand that I unconsciously clenched thinking about the idea of punching someone’s jaw.
As I was close to our home. I went back to where I walked and went to a convenience store. It's not like someone’s waiting for me at home. I bought three bottles of beer before I sat down in one of the chairs placed outside the convenience store. Without much thought I drank everything in a flash. I sat down on the chair for an hour before I decided that I should go home now.
When I arrived at home. I grabbed the keys from my pocket and inserted them into the keyhole. After several tries I finally opened the door. With a loud sigh. I grabbed my shoes and put them on the container placed on the right side of the entrance.
I entered the living room and I saw my roommate sitting on the floor with the lights turned off. I blinked twice before I decided to speak for him to recognize my presence despite knowing that he probably knew it already because of the noise I made earlier.
“Hi…” Almost like a whisper. He glanced at me. He gave me his charming smile and warm look before he sat up and came closer to me.
“Xavier?” I called out his name. He raised his hand before picking the petals that were stuck on my head. I should be embarrassed by this but I barely felt anything. Instead I felt a sense of relief after finally seeing his face.
He didn’t respond to me but suddenly, he pulled me in for a tight embrace. I felt him sniffing my hair before he hugged me more tightly.
“...Xavier..” I whispered his name.
He kept holding me tightly between his arms. I looked up at him and I saw his brows knitted together. I raised my hand and poke his eyebrows. He opened his eyes and he looked directly into mine. As if something in my eyes made him worry about me. His face softened before he brushed my bangs and brought his lips on my forehead.
‘Ahh… I see. This was a dream. I mean why would my roommate who disappeared for a month suddenly wait for me at home and kiss my forehead. That is also probably why he is not responding.’
“You missed me that much, huh?” I jokingly said to him. He didn’t reply again. His expression became hard again but that fondness in his eyes remained. It was as if his cold walls that he built during that month he was away were breaking apart.
“I miss you too. It’s been a while since we cuddled up together.” Although this never happened in real life. But in dreams it happened countless times. Where I was free to embrace him whenever I wanted.
I let out a small gasp when he suddenly scooped me up and went to the living room. He carried me to the couch and sat me down on it. Then he sat beside me lying his head on my lap while his arms warped around my waist.
“Is there anyone out there bullying my big baby bear? Hmm?” I asked him in a teasing tone. I saw him roll his eyes, but he couldn’t help but chuckle at what I said.
I bend down to touch the crown of his head before planting a kiss on it. “What is it, hmm?” I asked him again. Hoping for him to finally answer me.
“Nothing.” He flat out said. But he turned his head towards me.
I looked into his eyes as if I was finding an answer in his eyes. I look in his right eye then his left eye before catching a glance at his lips and back at his right eye. That is when I blurted out something out of whim. Not minding if this was reality or not.
“You… wanna kiss?” I offered it to the guy lying on top of my lap.
Xavier hesitated for a bit before he leaned in at me and finally closed the gap between us. I felt his hands go behind me clutching the sofa for support. While I let myself get devoured by him.
The kiss seemed to last for eternity. Slowly, his defense dissolved and all his emotion poured out and the hard expression he had earlier was nowhere to be found. After what felt like hours, he finally broke away, breathing heavily. He looked at me as if he was looking for confirmation if I was in the same situation as he is. As I continued to mirror his gazes. There was a tinge of redness in his face that turned into something more visible, while his eyes seemed slightly dazed.
I peck his lips again. “Now, care to explain? What’s happening these last few days?” I asked him again.
Xavier looked down, avoiding my gaze. He seems to be suppressing his emotion so as not to let it seep out again. The hands he had behind me clutched the sofa tighter.
“You don’t need to hide anything from me, my sweet boy.”
He let out a deep exhale, his eyes shut tight. Then he turned his head and faced me again. He was trembling and the red tint on his cheeks appeared again.
“Hmm?” I looked at him warmly, hoping he would get the message with my eyes.
“I’ve… I’ve been feeling different the last few days. I can’t get you out of my mind and I can’t focus at all. When I try to control my thoughts the more your face appears on my mind. I don’t understand it, but you’re making me feel… weird.” He finally answered.
I tilt my head still looking intently in his eyes. “Weird? Like… What exactly?” I answer softly, trying hard to come off with an interrogative tone.
I saw him hesitate again before he responded to me. “It… I can’t describe it. I’m feeling… I feel… happy, and… content. But a part of me… feels uneasy about being this vulnerable, especially to a woman.”
“Xavier, do you love me?”
As if I poured cold buckets at him. His face turned pale as if someone finally pointed something at him that was obvious but he never wanted to admit. I look at him in his eyes. It was bathed with fear, I looked down before closing my eyes for a while.
I brought him closer to me and I hugged him tightly. “I'm sorry. Did I ask too strongly about it?”
Xavier was still in a bit of shock but he returned my embrace. Trembling in my arms. I embraced him a bit more tightly. He returned my gesture but it was different as if he didn’t want to let go at all. As if he was holding on for dear life.
“Don't let go. If you don’t want to. I’m down to have these cuddles with you all night long” I teasingly whispered at him.
I felt his body relax at my touch. He hugged me more tightly. Despite being a tough, fierce man in his job. When it comes to this moment. All his defenses melted at the touch of my embrace. He rested against me and I could feel his pulse beating fast.
“You know what Xavier after we’ve met..”
Xavier finally found his voice. He still couldn’t believe that the relationship between us would evolve this way. As far as he’s concerned, I was just his roommate. It wasn’t supposed to mean more than that. But somehow, something in his heart was feeling all these strange things. He couldn’t explain it. However, he finally ready to speak the truth,
“Yeah?”
“I was able to experience things I have never done before…”
“What kind of things?”
“If I can recall correctly. The feeling of worrying when I come home without you here. When I feel angry when I see other girls talking to you. When you hug me like this and melt into my arms, it also makes my heart flutter a lot.”
Xavier was still processing all the information I just revealed. I basically confessed to him right now.
“When I wished I could be someone special to you, because to me… you’re already special in my heart…”
Xavier was speechless. His lips curved into a small smile as he took in everything I just said. He was surprised at the realization that all of this was happening, that I actually have feelings for him.
“Hmm?” Xavier gave me a small nod at me after I hummed.
“So let me ask you again…”
“Do you love me Xavier?”
Xavier was looking directly into my eyes. Waves after waves of emotion flashed in his eyes. But the emotion of fear still won in his eyes.
I laughed softly at him before I pulled him to a hug once again. Burying him in my chest. I look at the ceiling with a bittersweet expression.
“It’s still a no, huh?” I laughed awkwardly at him.
Xavier snorted after he heard me laughing awkwardly. He calmed himself down, he took a deep breath and finally found the right words to explain his situation.
“You know when we met, I didn’t come here with the intention of a romantic relationship. But lately… I… I… I’ve been feeling something that I don’t quite understand, and I don’t know how to explain it. But I know this feels good. And the feeling of being near you… makes me feel… complete. Does that make sense?”
“Of course.”
He exhaled and looked at me once again. He sighs in relief and was able to relax a bit. “I just want to make one thing clear. I’m not trying to avoid the question. I… I just couldn’t find the right words to describe what I am feeling. But I am sure that I am feeling something for you.”
“It's fine. I am more than willing to wait till you can finally find the right words to describe it.”
We hugged each other in silence before I offered him to sleep since it was already late at night. After entering my chambers I felt tears flowing down my eyes. I never thought dreams would hurt as if they were real. Maybe this was me coping for the possibilities of him rejecting me if he were to know my real feelings.
The night passed by like a blink of an eye. I walked out my chambers and stared at the living room before I finally left the house with my suitcase. I have a mission that requires me to be out of town for a week. I have to enter the no-hunt area and recover a protocore needed to be acquired.
I must have been so drunk last night that I started hallucinating my roommate who has been gone for a month. It seems like that house will be empty from now on. I dragged my suitcase down the stairs before exiting the building through the front door.
“Are you ready?” The captain welcomed me with his car. “As always.” I replied while smiling at him.
The ride went for hours and during the ride, we talked about the possible monsters that I might encounter in the area, their skills and their weaknesses. We also tackled the protocore that I was tasked to retrieve.
“Bring us the protocore if you can. But if the enemies are stronger than the data provided to you then retreat immediately.” The captain said before I entered the area with my suitcase.
I opened the suitcase and assembled my weapon commencing the start of the battle. I turn on my tracking device so that they will know the progress of the mission.
While I was exploring the area. I encountered several tier II monsters before I finally reached the area where the protocore was buried. It was a small temple. After checking the surrounding perimeter I went to the location and tried opening the small altar. And there it was the protocore manifested in the air.
I grabbed the protocore finally I can go home. Maybe Xavier is waiting for me at home. Maybe he finally decided to share to me what he's actually doing these past few weeks.
When I grabbed the protocore, a bright light shone on my hand. Feeling weird. I wasn't able to call for backup. Instead, I fainted while still holding onto the protocore.
I woke up with a groan. I immediately jump in the air and go to my fighting stance. However, nothing was inside the consciousness I am in. It was pure white. I tried turning my watch on but it was useless.
I heard screeching behind me so I immediately put up my stance and swung my sword in a horizontal slash. I looked behind me and jumped three steps away from the sound. It was a wanderer. A lot stronger than the ones I encountered outside.
It has a form of a wyvern but it's a lot bigger than how normally it was. I looked at the wanderer; it seems like it was already wounded before I even landed my attack on it. The monster then landed with a thud in front of me. Soon it was replaced with a core.
I frowned, wondering where I was. It seems like this place looks exactly like a dimension rift. It was one of the phenomena, we were informed every time before we officially started our mission.
I look around me but there is nothing but a blinding light in every direction. It is nothing, but light. I guess I can relax a little bit since I can see what will appear in front of me.
I explored the place for a bit but still failed in finding an exit. If we were accidentally transported to this phenomena, we were instructed that we must find the boss and defeat it in order to return, but I saw nothing.
I sighed before I raised my watch and put it below directly to my mouth. “Agent 0001 Initial A… requesting a signal…..”
The watch beeped but it showed no change in signal. The watch is still working fine but it seems like the signal couldn’t be received inside this dimension.
I sighed in defeat and I sat down on the floor. I fished out my locket and opened it. It was a picture of me and Xavier’s picture. I smiled weakly thinking I might not be able to come back alive to him.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to confess. Or maybe I did. But it happened in my dream.” I chuckled sarcastically. I felt tears forming in my eyes as I choked on my own breath.
Soon after, it turned into sobs. I was clutching the locket into my chest hoping it would ease the anxiety I am feeling right now. I wiped my eyes before putting the locket back inside my suit. I sighed deeply once again before I closed my eyes. Letting my consciousness drift away to the darkness.
…
It's been a week or so since I arrived in this situation. These past few days were nothing but a battle with wanderers as they keep on spawning every hour. I was able to gather a lot of core, so I was able to restore the durability of my armor.
I opened the wanderer’s chest and picked the core that was planted in the middle of their heart before gathering it in my pocket. The wanderer immediately disappears within my sight. I sighed and I sat down on the floor.
I stared at nothing for a minute before I grabbed the protocore I was supposed to retrieve from this mission from my space inventory. After it manifested in the air. The surrounding changes. A landscape of forest entered my vision. I was standing on a peak.
“...what?” confused with what was happening. A beep from my watch made me look down on it.
“Ana…… he… … us?” Someone’s voice echoed in the watch.
“Hello?!” I immediately replied but there was no voice who answered me back. Instead, the signal stayed.
“Agent 0001 Initial A… retrieved the protocore successfully. However, I am trapped in a dimension rift. I don’t know how long it has been but it seems like the protocore has a connection to it. I will investigate further. I am currently in an unknown place after I was transported by the protocore. I will find the exit here. Instead, if I failed. I will request a trade to Tara so please, accept any notification you received.” I said to the watch, without waiting for a reply. I explore the place.
It was as if I was transported to a safari. The tall grass was covering my vision so I proceeded with precaution. However, a notification pulled me out of the trance.
“You entered the lair of a Dragon.”
“Damn..” I whispered to myself. Did I just dig my own grave?
A loud monstrous growl echoed across the place. A big pair of wings flapped that sent the air into a swirling battle. I held my place by shifting my weight to my feet.
I ran away from the boss area and hid from its sight. I whispered to the watch hoping that they would hear me.
“Agent 0001 Initial A… requesting a trade.” I opened the system and sent a trade to my friend named Tara. Soon after, a notification of confirmation arrives.
“I’m glad you guys can hear me. I- My survival rate for this fight might probably be zero or even lower than that. But I’ll try my best to send as much data as I can so that my death will not be in vain.” I said as if I was on a call with somebody.
Hours, weeks, or even months passed since I was transported to this dimension and I started fighting the boss. And finally, I heard the notification I was yearning to hear.
“You successfully defeated the Dragon… transporting back to earth.”
I felt my consciousness slip out of my mind before I dropped to my knees clutching my right shoulder. I’m glad I successfully defeated the monster although it cost me an arm and my left eye.
I lifted my left hands. “I defeated it… but I don’t think I will last long… current status… critical.
... Xavier if you’re listening to this… always remember that I… love you as always. I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to face you after all those months. I regretted it. If I know I’ll die sooner, I should’ve fixed what was between us.”
I dropped to the floor with a loud thud. I groaned in pain when I felt all the adrenaline leaving my body and was replaced with thorns of the wounds.
“I'm sorry… my baby bear… I l-love… ”
Nothing followed after that. The girl lay down on the floor breathless. Her body was successfully transported back on where she was before she got transported to another dimension.
A loud thud of footsteps grew louder and louder as a young man entered the scene. As if he was drained of all his energy. He kneeled next to the girl’s corpse. A loud cry echoed in the forest. Soon after, Tara and other agents arrived at the scene.
Everyone was heartbroken seeing a young man embracing his lover in his arms. Crying loudly while swaying back and forth. Whispering words like ‘It’s fine I am here now’ or ‘Please open your eyes’ to the corpse while kissing and patting her head.
Only his cry was breaking the silence and nothing else.
…
“... Hi”
A young man’s voice was heard. It was as if he was nervously talking to her.
“Hello?”
A young girl’s voice answered with a confused look.
“I am Xavier… the leader of the squad.” He continued.
“Oh! I am Anastasia. Nice to meet you, captain.” She answered while smiling so calmly.
The young man stared at the girl before he turned around and he left her in the crowd. Cursing fate. He whispered to himself.
“It's already the 30th time it happened. And yet I still failed to protect you.”