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It’s been a while since he last traveled through this particular alley in the district of Kanagawa that brings back the memories of his high school year’s craziest nights. Nameless faces are gathered in groups, filling the area with smokes and alcoholic scents. Obviously enjoying the famous Friday night, but were, unfortunately for him, obstacles to his path. Having a peculiar build among the crowd, squeezing his way in turned even more strenuous.
A few minutes of dealing with this tight space, he finally reached the particular bar where the navigation app is pointing at. “Hoo.” He breathed out in relief. The place is somewhat unfamiliar and very new to his eyes. But seeing the name by the entrance, it confirmed that this is the right place. Refusing to waste time, he entered the premises immediately.
It’s a simple bar for the common people, so even as new, the place is jam packed. But never mind that, he is not here to have a taste of this bar, but to look for a certain person. The only reason why he went back to Kanagawa at this very late hour.
“Sendoh?”
A lady’s voice he heard not from a distance. He turned and saw a familiar face waving at him from three tables away. “Sendoh over here!”
Ah! Alas! The group he’s been looking for! The usual six big men and a certain lady. The famous line up of the Shohoku high school’s basketball team back then. He waved back and approached the table. “Hey guys, how’s it going?” His friendly greeting, pretending he isn’t aware that they’re here.
“Wow. It’s been like what? A year?” Ayako aimed a joke.
Sendoh beamed. “Ah, I guess yes?” His quick response, but the eyes are busy looking back and forth from Ayako and to that certain quiet individual sitting at the other end of the table. The only reason why he traveled all the way back from Tokyo to Kanagawa at a very strange hour. Unfortunately, that same person is the only one who didn’t give a fuck on his sudden appearance.
The biggest guy, seated next to the aisle, offered a hand to welcome him. “How are you Sendoh?” Akagi asked. He returned the polite deed. “Not too bad, Akagi-san. How’s university going?”
“Good. Painful, but good. How about you? You began college this year. Getting used to longer nights?” The big guy joked about the usual dilemma once a student enters college.
Sendoh gave it a chuckle. “Yeah. Trying my best to survive.” He said. A secret glance he took once again, but the raven-hair is still not giving him an eye.
“What brings you here Sendoh? It must’ve been important.” Kogure asked, knowing Sendoh enrolled at a university somewhere in Tokyo which is a 2-hour ride away by train.
He rubbed the back of his head as he explained. “Ah, I was supposed to visit a friend but didn’t know he’s out so…” In hopes that his subtle remarks would turn the guy to him, it didn’t. The guy simply keeps on minding his own space by drinking alone.
“So you’re alone tonight?” Miyagi teased, followed by the red-head sitting next to him, “Got dumped? NYAHAHAHA.”
What Sakuragi says is partly true in his case, something that made him curve his lips. “Pretty much.” He said, uttered in disappointment. Perhaps the best way to deal with this cold treatment is space and time. Nothing he can do now but to admit that his presence will be ignored for the rest of the night.
“Then, why not join us since you’re already here.” Kogure suggested and pointed at the unoccupied seat between Miyagi and the aisle.
“Yeah, join the men-in- dump table.” Mitsui, the only one in a relationship, mocked all the non-committed individuals in the group, earning growls and scowls. Sendoh gave it a chuckle but thought that staying might buy him some time to cool the air off between him and the silent guy. “Well, not gonna hurt since it’s a Friday night.”
The group cheered with his response, openly welcomed him and even offered a glass and a bottle of alcohol.
“What’s the gathering for anyway? Celebrating something?” Sendoh asked away as he began his first shot of the night.
“Yes!” Ayako responded cheerfully. “I don’t know how it happens but a miracle strikes our two youngest and they are now graduating!” She exulted, acting like a proud sister. The group celebrated the achievement of the two graduating students by creating more loud noise by tapping their palms on the table and sounding their glasses.
“NYAHAHA. So watch out spiky-head!” Sakuragi proudly pointed at himself. “This tensai is going to college to kick your ass off the court again! NYAHAHAHA!”
Sendoh raised a glass to support Sakuragi’s claims. “Looking forward Mr. Tensai!”
“Speaking of, you made it to the basketball team didn’t you?” Akagi asked. Sendoh nodded in response, “Coach Taoka’s recommendation. And thankfully, a starter.”
“No doubt.” They both bumped their glasses like gentlemen. Mitsui joined the cheer,
“Hope we can all play together again, even against each other.” Then three big guys took the shot straight into their throat. Their faces squeezed. “Damn, that’s hot!” They all cried and laughed in unison.
“So tensai, which university are you going to?” Sendoh asked.
The question made everyone giggled as if the reason behind it is hysterical. Mitsui pointed at the big guy whose brows kept twitching for an unknown reason. “Guess what?”
With the hint given, he can already tell why they are hiding their chuckles. “Oh geez, congratulations Akagi-san. You and Sakuragi are meant to be together.”
Akagi slammed a palm on his forehead, “Argh, Sendoh. Don’t say it like that.”
“Nii-chan, looking forward to play with you again!!!” Sakuragi teased.
“Don’t call me nii-chan!” Akagi growled. The group joined in with a loud and good laugh.
“Kidding aside. I’m just glad everyone’s going to college.” Kogure blurted out. The news, however, caught Sendoh by surprise. “E—everyone?” He repeated.
“Yes. All of us here.” Ayako reconfirmed. “Even the quiet guy over there got accepted.” She pointed at the gloomy guy’s direction.
The sudden news of the night took the life out of Sendoh’s lips. He turned his head to Rukawa and watched him devour more alcohol, still not giving a care over his presence. Nor giving an apologetic glance as an important piece of his life was first heard from a stranger. Frustrated and very much disappointed, Sendoh silently poured and filled his empty shot glass and took it all straight into his now burning throat.
The table turned busy as they jumped from one topic to another, enjoying each other’s company with more bottles coming in.
Sendoh caught a glimpse of Rukawa pouring his fourth bottle into an empty glass. The number of bottles alarmed him but talking to him directly is impossible with this distance. So he uses his phone to do the talking.
“Hey, aren’t you drinking too much?”
Rukawa’s phone lit up but the lad only gave it a glance, obviously his message was ignored as the guy simply continued on his drink.
Sendoh pressed his lips, suppressing his frustration inside.
“I get it, okay? But please stop drinking, will you?! That’s your fourth bottle!”
Another message was ignored. And this time, Rukawa took the disturbing phone off the table and hid it inside the bag under the table.
With the effect of the alcohol, and this cold treatment he’s getting, he couldn’t help the urge to slam his phone down the table. All eyes were surprised by his unusual behavior. “Sendoh, is everything alright?” Kogure asked with concern.
Guilty for stealing the joy on the table, as well as surprised by his own action, he tried to compensate by smiling apologetically. “Sorry! Sorry! I got a demanding text from the coach and it fired me up. Forgive me.”
Miyagi laughed and waved a hand. He filled Sendoh’s glass, “Now. Now. Tonight is all but fun and no nagging coach okay?” Sendoh beamed and took their shot. Luckily the table went back to enjoying each other’s company.
Still, the awkward no-talk situation between Rukawa and Sendoh continued. Sendoh tries everything he can to corner Rukawa but Rukawa is intentionally avoiding him at all costs. At one time Rukawa stood from his seat to take a bathroom break. In hopes to corner him, he followed him immediately but the sneaky fox predicted his moves. He didn’t find Rukawa in the bathroom of the same bar, and when he came back, he found out that Rukawa went to another bar instead!
Thankfully, a great chance opened for him. All the other guys, including the only rose among the thorns, went out for smoke or for bathroom breaks. Sendoh and Rukawa were left alone. He took this chance to scoot himself next to Rukawa.
“Hey.” He whispered softly. “Stop drinking please. You’re on your sixth.”
But Rukawa remained a stone.
“Please, let’s talk.” His voice sounded begging and desperate. He tried to reach for Rukawa’s fingers but Rukawa moved his hand away and secured it inside his jacket pocket.
“Come on. Please. Don’t do this to me. Let’s discuss this.”
But Rukawa kept on looking ahead, not even giving him a glance.
Sendoh heaved out an exhausted sigh, “Kae—“ He stopped when he saw the group coming back to their table. Disappointed, Sendoh scooted himself back to his seat and decided to drink in silence for the rest of the evening.
After a few sets of beers, the group decided to wrap the night.
“Oi Miyagi,” Akagi called and demanded, “Take the red monkey home.” He pointed at the red-head sleeping on his face, completely lifeless from drinking.
“What? Why me?! Why would I—“
“Don’t worry Miyagi—“ Ayako interrupted and it instantly changed his mind, “I’ll come with you. Let’s take him home.” Miyagi blushes and eagerly nodded, “Yes, Ayako-chan”
Next concern is the other drunk member whose face is buried on the table. And before Akagi could even appoint Mitsui to take Rukawa home, Rukawa’s bag is already hanging around Sendoh’s torso. The group were all speechless as they watched the diligent Sendoh take all of Rukawa’s belongings. He then moved closer to Rukawa's ear as if whispering something important that made Rukawa groan. Sendoh took Rukawa’s arm off the table and lifted him off the table. He circled Rukawa’s arm over his neck to carry his drunk weight.
It’s like watching a BL movie wherein a husband fetches his drunken husband.
Sendoh waved a hand to bid his goodbye, not realizing their shock reactions. “Have a great night everyone. Thank you and see you all soon.”
Before he flees the scene and leaves these questions running inside the group’s head, Ayako hollered to remind him of something. “Ah Sendoh!”
Sendoh looked back.
“Ah, don’t—don’t you need Rukawa’s address?”
He smiled, “No need. I’ll take Kaede home—“
The change in their reaction after hearing Rukawa’s name snapped a string inside his head, reminding about an important detail he unconsciously showed to the whole group! “Fuck!” He cursed in his thoughts.
He forced an inane laugh, “Ah-ha! Ah-ha!” While thinking of a way to escape his negligence. “Ya—ya know. We play sometimes…and.. and…he invited me…so…” But his weak escape didn’t flinch a muscle on any of the guys, they remained in shock. Running out of cover-ups, he just lifted a hand and says, “Bye!” Before speeding out of the bar.
The dumbfounded fellas turned to each other with one common conclusion clouding their heads.
“Kaede, grab on tight. You’ll fall off!”
Sendoh tries to balance both of their weight while he carries the wasted fox at his back. A grumble is what he only heard from his back.
He shrugged his shoulders when Rukawa’s head was about to fall off. “Hey Kaede. Come on. Don’t give me a hard time.” He complained in worry.
When Rukawa’s body has finally relaxed in place, Sendoh took this peaceful night a chance to express his intentions. “Hey Kaede…” he pressed his lips to give himself some time to find the right words. “I know it’s been rough for us lately. I’m sorry.”
Entering college is as easy as try-outs for basketball. As long as he’s an athlete… everything will go as easy as taking a free-throw shot. That’s what he thought at first. But as soon as enters the reality of a university student, he didn’t expect that his easy-going life would be taken away from him, even as a freshman.
“I’m aware of my shortcomings… And it’s unfair to you.”
He always thought that fate had already chosen his path for him when he started playing basketball. That one way or another, he’ll end up playing basketball as his profession. That is the easy path. But his chosen course changed everything. He saw a different future. A longer and difficult road, but is more challenging than forming plays inside the court. Of course he’ll never leave basketball as long as he is able. But his heart longs for a different path to take.
Unfortunately, the new found profession has its consequences, stealing his youthful days… and that includes time for everything.
“I am there, struggling to keep up. While you are here… waiting for the time I can only give.” The life they used to have before, can never be the same anymore. “I am guilty. This is unfair to you. Perhaps… it’s best for us to—“ His words were cut off when Rukawa interrupted him by pointing at the nearest bench. “Oh. You want to sit?”
Rukawa confirmed by a groan.
Sendoh obeyed quickly. He needed to rest as well anyway. So he approached the wooden bench and laid Rukawa’s back carefully. He took off his scarf, folded it neatly and placed it under Rukawa’s head. Other belongings were placed down the ground. With no place left to sit, he sat down on the dirty ground.
He took this time to gain more peace by watching the calm river. Then back to the sleeping figure. His lips curved in its sweetest as he gazed at his favorite. The beauty he loves to look at whenever he gets the chance… such as this.
He frowned. For he knew… this chance will be out of reach from here then on.
His thoughts were interrupted when Rukawa groaned and turned his head to the side. This made him chuckle lightly. “Hey,” he called and poked the pale cheek twice with his finger. “Come on. Open your eyes. Stop the drama.”
But the body remained still.
He sounded another chuckle. “I know you are sober. Wake up mister.”’
Rukawa carefully opened an eye to check on Sendoh who grinned back at him. “Busted.” he mocked, making Rukawa smirk. He decided to stop his acting and sat up. “Doaho.”
Sendoh quickly stood and took the now free space beside Rukawa. “I saw you drinking water in our last minutes at the bar. So I know you are sobered up.” He said, followed by a chuckle.
“Then why still carry me all the way here if you know?”
Sendoh’s lips turned into a thin smile, eyes softened. “So I can talk to you properly.”
His words made Rukawa look ahead to nowhere, averting Sendoh’s gaze.
Silence took over for a while, as if letting time pass with no particular reason.
Sendoh straightened his seat, leaned half of his body down as he faced the ground. Elbows on his knees, palms rubbing against each other. “Kaede, everything’s getting difficult for me.” Sendoh began. “I didn’t expect college would consume me like this. It changed everything. And I’m sorry. I—I’m sorry if what I’m going through is already affecting us.”
With Sendoh’s words, Rukawa can clearly see where this is going.
“I am trying my very best to cope up and bring back who we were before… but… I don’t think I can anymore…”
When they started their relationship, they are inseparable. Struck by Cupid’s arrow. Here and there, they are always together. Living the best of their relationship without letting go of each other’s hand.
At least, that’s how they were before Sendoh started college.
Time for each other depletes. The once inseparable lovers only meet a few times a month. Sometimes not even once. It’s no longer the same. The carefree boys, filled with love, adventure and passion, are slowly turning into mere strangers.
“This pressure on me—-It’s all unfair to you. You don’t deserve this…”
If Rukawa reads it correctly… or more like admit to himself where this relationship is leading to, perhaps, saying it now by words would be easier than prolonging it. They both know that Sendoh’s lengthy words can be turned to a simpler one. And he’ll be the one to say it, even with the heaviness it brings to his heart.
“Let’s end this.”
Rukawa finally said it in words.
“Ending this now would make it easier for you. Let’s end this.”
He added more to strengthen his frailing whispers. It’s hard, but he knows he’s the bigger person. Saying it through his cruel lips is better… better than letting a sweet-natured human being carry all the burden by himself.
He turned his gaze down to the ground. He fears to meet Sendoh’s eyes. His heart is breaking, ripping into tiny pieces. Mourning, grieving over the only love he cherishes.
“How—how could you?”
Sendoh’s words abruptly turned his head up, shocked to hear an unexpected reaction. And there he realized that Sendoh was about to burst into tears.
“I can’t believe—I can’t believe you. Are you breaking up with me?!”
Rukawa is so lost right now. Dumbstruck for all the unexpected things happening right before his eyes. “Is—isn’t that… what you are after?”
“What?!”
Still confused. “Aren’t you here… to… to break up?” When Sendoh sends him a message this morning of ‘ Let’s meet up today. I need to talk to you about something. ’ With the odds happening in their struggling relationship, he quickly assumed that this is what Sendoh is after.
“What? No!”
“Eh?”
Sendoh is struggling to find words, “You—Why—why would I break up with you? You think my feelings for you are that weak?”
Rukawa felt alarmed and tried to quickly compensate, “Uh no. I just thought—“
But Sendoh broke down, looking as if his world had torn apart.
“Wait—hold on.”
“I never—not once—thought of breaking—Oh gosh, just by saying it—“ Sendoh buried his face inside his palms.
The air turned so weird for the couple. The misunderstanding made them both sit in silence, allowing the time to cool down.
“I never liked it either.”
Rukawa finally breaks the awkward and foolish silence. His words made Sendoh look up to face him.
“I don’t want to end this.” Rukawa continued, murmuring in a weak tone. “I just thought that our relationship—I mean… I…” he corrected. “I might be putting more pressure on you.” That’s the reason why he couldn’t face Sendoh at the bar. He’s still trying to prepare himself at that time, planning on how to suppress his emotion once Sendoh ends it. So that’s why he hid himself by treating his lover coldly back at the bar. It’s hard… but he wasn’t ready back then.
He startled when he felt Sendoh’s cold fingers reaching his. “Ending this… will also end me, Kaede. Please remember that.” Sendoh started playing with his fingers, putting his gaze right into it. “The reason why I’m here… Is because I am feeling guilty about how I treated us.”
Rukawa let Sendoh blurt his honest feelings out without the intention of interrupting him.
“It’s unfair to you. All that I am now will fail to meet who we were back then. There will be less time, less days we’ll be together.” Sendoh held his hand firmly. “But know that my feelings for you will never change despite all this.” He bent his body down and buried his face in Rukawa's hand. “All I’m asking is for your understanding and support. This is the reason why I’m here.”
High school days are meant to enjoy your youthful days. Going to college is more difficult as this prepares you for a mature and adulting life. And since their relationship started so young and free as a bird, Sendoh feared that Rukawa might fall out of love if he continued failing their relationship every now and then. So facing reality now might be able to save his relationship with Rukawa. “I love you Kaede.”
The future he sees is not only for him. It’s for him and Rukawa. The main reason why he wants to take a better path.
“Fine. I get it.”
Sendoh looked up and met Rukawa looking down at him. His words may not be as deep as his, but it is true.
“Really?”
Rukawa formed a genuine smile. “You know it is.”
Sendoh breathed out his heavy heart. “That’s a relief.”
This time, Rukawa reached for his hand and entangled with his. “Stop putting pressure on yourself Akira. You don’t have to worry about our future alone. We are together in this. It’s our responsibility to make it work. I am in it too.”
Sendoh was taken aback by Rukawa’s unusual deep words, but smiled on it as it syncs deeply unto him. He squeezed his hand back, “I know.”
“I know I acted unfairly to you lately.” Rukawa started. “I act like a child whenever you can’t meet our schedule. I treated you coldly when you couldn't save time for me. Perhaps, I am used to the old you. One message, you’ll be next to me. One word, and you’ll do it for me. And I took that all for granted.”
It was always Sendoh who gave more. That he forgot that a relationship is shared by two individuals. Even during this time, Sendoh would put an effort to travel all the way from Tokyo and back to Kanagawa, going back and forth every now and then, while he turned a blind eye on it just so they can go back to who they were. And he is very much aware that that is totally unfai for Sendoh.
“I told myself, if I want to keep this. I should do my part.” He brought a paper, folded in four, out of his pocket. He handed it to Sendoh who was all but confused. He took it and began reading it. The moment he realized what the letter was trying to imply, Sendoh brightened in bliss. “Kaede!”
His genuine reaction is nothing but satisfaction for Rukawa. “Surprise.”
“Oh gosh! You applied! We’re going to the same school in two months?!” Sendoh narrates in pure delight on what Rukawa’s gift is all about. Actually, Sendoh has been trying to convince Rukawa to apply to the same university, but because he’s preparing this as a surprise, he keeps declining him.
“If you can’t make it here, then I’ll be there for you, Akira. I’ll be there with you.”
Sendoh is still on cloud nine. He began dreaming and imagining things. And all these are amusing Rukawa. “Oh in two months, we’re going to live under one roof. I‘ll kick out my dorm mate.”
“That’s rude.”
“Don’t worry, it’s just Koshino.”
“I’ll take that back.”
Sendoh laughed. “Then we’ll have lots of fun together like the good old days. The basketball court is very near my building. I promise you, You’ll have no problem. Sheesh! I’m worrying about nothing! Oh wait—are you accepted in the team?”
“Yeah, this morning.”
“Really?! Oh damn. You’re full of surprises!”
Rukawa rubbed his chin. “Ayako-senpai almost ruined it for me a while ago. Good thing she never mentioned which university I was accepted to.”
“Yeah, I almost flipped the table, you know. Hearing it from other people kind of upsets me. But it all makes sense now.”
“Well. I’m just glad it wasn’t ruin—“ But his words were interrupted when Sendoh suddenly moved his face closer to his. “I am so overwhelmed right now. I’m afraid I have to kiss you to calm my jumping heart.”
Rukawa scoffed. “I don’t think I can stop you.”
And the couple sealed their series of anxiety, misunderstandings and overthinking with a sweet gentle smooch of their lips.
The moment they break from their kiss, Sendoh rested his head on Rukawa’s shoulder. “We’re silly aren’t we?” He said, then played with their entwined hands.
“Apparently.”
“I’m so anxious when I came here.” Sendoh says. “You didn’t reply to my message this morning.”
“Ah that. Anyway, how did you know I was at that bar?” Rukawa asked.
“Post from Ayako-chan.” He grinned. “I can’t believe I have to stalk your friends just so I can find you. Then treated me coldly a while ago.” He frowned dramatically. “I’m so hurt.”
Rukawa scoffed at it. “I’m avoiding you. I thought you’re breaking up with me.”
“Silly.” Sendoh says. “You know I cannot break my relationship with the future MVP of Japan's National Basketball Team, right? That’s worth bragging about!” He straightened his sitting position to face Rukawa, “Picture this. We’re in the national game and then the screen flashes my face. The commentator would be like ‘Dr. Sendoh Akira, husband of the number one basketball player in Japan’ See? So why would I break up with you?” He foolishly says.
Rukawa scoffed. “Doaho.”
“So no talk of letting this go, okay? We’ll work on this together. We’ll protect this.”
Rukawa squeezed his lips and nodded to agree.
“So, while I’m still here and not there yet, where to next?”
The young one mulled it over, “Another round?”
“Another round? Haven’t you had six bottles already?”
Rukawa formed a dangerous smirk. “No I didn’t. I secretly poured it all in that red-monkey’s glass.”
Sendoh threw a laugh. “Damn, you sneaky fox! No wonder the red-head is completely wasted!” They both laughed at it.
Sendoh then offered a hand to Rukawa which was gladly accepted. They both stood from their seats and marched together. “Now let’s go and drink to celebrate your achievement today.”
“Aye! Aye!”
END