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Tom was a simple man, he liked his life organized, projects done on time, no unnecessary distractions. But lately something has been going on. The thing is he doesn‘t know what or why. He can‘t point out when it happened. He knows it shouldn‘t have. It‘s something new. Tom knows it‘s wrong, disgusting even, he‘s said it himself many times. But he fell face first. And not for anybody, but for a boy.
That‘s how he found himself standing in front of art Marks‘ studio. It‘s early, or late. Depends on how you look at it. Four in the morning, the street dark. Only one broken street lamp illuminating it. You can see some beautiful oil paintings thru the window. Of the sky, the sea. A forest path with car wheels imprinted on the ground. If you really focus, you can see the name „haunted forest, where I live“. He really shouldn‘t be here.
Tom was about to turn away and leave, he shouldn‘t have been here in the first place, when he heard footsteps. The guy recognized them immediately. He doesn‘t remember ever memorising them, just woke up one day and knew them. Could tell you they were Marks from kilometers, probably light years away.
„Hi“ he heard. And it shouldn‘t have sounded like this. Beautiful, mesmerising. This is what a sirens voice sounds like. It‘s the only possible explanation, what other sound could lure you in to death? Tom would honestly do anything to hear that every day. Or not. He would actually do anything to never hear it, ever. It‘s wrong, he shouldn‘t feel this way. He doesn‘t feel this way, he really doesn‘t.
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Mark couldn‘t sleep. Not with these stupid dreams. The same dream repeating itself again, and again, and again, and again, and again. He‘s drawn it many times, but it doesn‘t leave his head. Usually when something is bothering him, he just draws it, then over it something beautiful, like a cover. Leaving it behind. Under a sea, or in outer space. Not this though, no. The only thing that is actually wrong, and disgusting, and weird stays in his head. But there isn‘t really anything else he can do. So he gets up, dressed and leaves his tiny little London flat.
When he reaches his studio he sees Tom. Not the person he wanted to see at the moment. The dreams were about him after all. Silly little dreams, about eating each others icecream, or discussing cars for hours and hours on end. Alone. Together. But that‘s not normal. Maybe if Tom were a girl, maybe... But Tom isn‘t, will never be a girl. And he knows it‘s wrong. Knows he should turn around and leave, the second he notices the guy. But he doesn‘t. Doesn‘t really want to, if he‘s honest, though he can‘t explain it.
„Hi“ he says, and what a stupid thing to say. Who says hi? But what is he supposed to say, anyway? Definitely not ‚hi‘, it sounds way too stupid to be the right thing. „Hi“ he hears back. And why doesn‘t it sound stupid when Tom says it? Why doesn‘t anything sound stupid when he says it. He could declare that he‘s a monkey and it‘d sound right. With that voice the entire world should kneel whenever Tom walks past.
And Mark knows it‘s wrong, that he shouldn‘t do it, but it‘s the first time he‘s seen Tom for a while. Really seen him. Looked up into his eyes. So he just does it. Worst case scenario, he just moves. There isn‘t lots of things to lose anyway, except maybe the guy in front of him himself. But he never really had Tom, Tom was never his, was he?
So leans in, gets on his tippy toes and kisses Tom.
It shouldn‘t feel this good. And he shouldn‘t feel this happy about the guy not pushing Mark away, but there isn‘t really time to think about that right now. He‘ll regret this later. Hasn‘t he been miserable enough? Hasn‘t he endured the pain for long enough to get a break? Is this feeling really wrong? Is it?
But Tom kisses him back, so it‘s probably not. And how can something feel this right, if it‘s wrong. It can‘t. It‘s impossible. And Mark just knows that it isn‘t wrong, everything will be okay, it will.
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Tom thinks he‘s never felt this happy. Nothing has ever felt this right, this good. All his doubts gone, fading away the moment their lips meet. And he knows it isn‘t wrong, at least definitely not in this world.