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There is no reason for him to feel this way on a day like this one. There is no reason, at all, to let the gut feeling inside his chest bubble on his throat, as her marmalade hair pours into everyone’s eyes along with their swirls in the middle of the room. However, like the unpredictability of marrying this young, there was a sadness that refused to leave, wrapped nicely around the phantom weight on his ring finger, sending cold shivers up to his eyes, ready to water the whole party down
He could lie, of course, say that those were some joyful tears, that he was feeling the same anxious as she left to Turkey. It was a safe choice, an easy lie to let it slide between glasses of champagne and laughs, maybe in between some “She’s not a kid anymore, isn’t she?” comments here and there, or promises that “she’ll forever be your baby” . That, of course, if Natsu didn’t have the power to see him like an open book, to know how matte his eyes are even with all the moisture on his cheeks. No feeling in the world would make him selfish enough to steal a smile off her face.
Believe it or not, he was happy. He was bursting with joy to see his little sister having the best day of her life, marrying at 26 the partner she met in her second year in college who, no matter how many times passes, still bows a second longer every time he sees Shouyou at their house. He was happy to be back in Miyagi after so many years of running as far as he could, so many years gluing feathers to his wings. He was happy to be back at his past with such mature pride, remembering all the promises he fulfilled to his younger self.
But even if he tried, nothing could erase the year on his birth certificate, which forced him to remember his early thirties. Who insists on knocking on his door month after month, forcing him to remember that, sooner or later, he would have to pack his sandy shoes back to Japan for good and learn to live a new life.
Shouyou realized that he had lost his twenties the day before, when he was reunited with those who made his adolescence shine like gold. When he was on the court, surrounded by passion, it was easy to lose track of the hours or forget the poisonous passage of time. However, Miyagi was still there, surviving thanks to those who stayed.
Meeting his senpais and kouhais, former team captains or even schoolmates was a reminder that, yes, life goes on relentlessly, but not just for those close to you. Looking into their eyes after so much time forced him to understand that postcards with ten words maximum or late phone calls couldn't perfectly describe what it's like to hold your friend's first child or how difficult it was to get used to the new surnames, all seeds of the marriages he wasn’t able to attend. That he knew everyone around him and, at the same time, was rediscovering them one by one.
Still, even with the bittersweet reunions or the stories they shared, they were still there for him, patting his back with proudness, eyes moistened with saudade , a portuguese word he held so dear inside his heart.
“”Saudade” means you miss someone,” Heitor said, one day, over the phone. “But not like, in a “normal” way. It’s deeper, as if not having that person by your side brings you nothing but pain. That’s what me and Nice feel about you, you know?”
Shoyou felt restless, his suit way too small for his shoulders, as he revisited those fresh memorie. Was it wrong for him to say goodbye? Is there any personal alarm that screams when it’s time to go back home?
There was nothing that said he couldn’t stay by the beach until the red of his hair fades or anything that kept him from maybe packing his bags and buying the first plane ticket he could find — but there was also this new hesitant feeling that came with aging. The need to build a forever house, even when the world was his home. The desire to wake up next to someone, who also had no idea when to stop. To form roots, to teach volleyball to kids, to never stop. To make a new promise with him , because all the other ones had no string attached, no ring to be found.
“Dinner will be served in a minute,” Natsu smiled with her whole body. “Don’t drink too much with an empty stomach.”
He gulped down the whiskey he was drinking, long forgotten at his table, allowing the burn to twist him inside down, just to challenge her. The family members flocking around them cheered and laughed while she just scoffed and started to turn away. “Nacchan.”
She met him with the same pair of grins. “I’m very happy for you.”
🕑
From: Me
11:37PM
hey
are you still in miyagi?
From: Kageyama Tobio
11:40 PM
yea
why
From: Me
11:40 PM
can i see you?
📍Hinata Shouyou is sharing his location with you
From: Kageyama Tobio
11:42 PM
now????????
From: Me
11:43 PM
ofc you stupid ass
From: Kageyama Tobio
11:43 PM
isn’t nastu getting married today?
do i have to wear a suit?
From: Me
11:45 PM
forget it
From: Kageyama Tobio
11:45 PM
already omw