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Palma stayed quiet for the entire trip back to Yamato Mori. She was already quiet to begin with, but Tokio sensed that she was actively avoiding conversation. She fidgeted incessantly the entire time, occasionally switching from staring at the floor to out the window.
Tokio asked her what was wrong.
“Nothing. Just…tired,” she said.
She’s not a very good liar, Tokio thought. But he didn’t feel like prying further.
When they got back, Palma muttered a goodbye and quickly walked back to her room. Ely raised an eyebrow.
“Take Nude to the infirmary,” Tokio said to Ely. “I’ll handle it.”
Sato had given Palma a room much like Tokio’s, not much different from a college dorm (not that he knew what those looked like). Tokio always sensed a sort of forced cheerfulness from her, but this was the first time he’d seen her look visibly distraught. He walked up and knocked on Palma’s door.
There was no response.
“Palma?” Tokio said as he knocked again. “Are you in there?”
“I’m fine. Just…resting for a bit,” she said. Her voice wavered as she spoke.
Palma has many talents, Tokio thought, but lying is definitely not one of them.
“Palma, I’m not going to force you to do anything,” Tokio said. “I just want to know if you’re ok. Can I come in?”
Nothing.
“Palma, if you don’t want me to come in, say no.”
Still nothing. Tokio really did not want to interpret that as an invitation, but he was incredibly worried for the girl’s health.
None of the dorms had locks: Sato had said it was for safety reasons, but Tokio suspected he just didn’t want to hire someone to fix them. Tokio took a deep sigh as he turned the handle and slowly opened the door.
Palma was sitting on her bed in the fetal position, knees to her chest. She was a silent cryer: tears were trailing down her face as she stared at the bedsheets.
“Palma? Do you…want me to leave?” Tokio asked.
Palma shook her head.
Tokio walked up and sat cross-legged on the floor, facing her. He was at a bit of a loss for words: it felt like there were a million things he could say that would make the situation worse.
“Palma, I…do you want to tell me what’s wrong? If you don’t, that’s, uh, that’s fine too.”
Palma sniffled, still staring at her sheets. Tokio looked around the room for tissues and realized there weren’t any. There wasn’t much of anything, actually: he made a mental note to talk to Sato about that.
“If you don’t want to be here, you can leave,” Palma muttered. “I’ll be fine. I’ll live.”
“Palma, don’t say that. How could I leave knowing that you’re not alright? Please, just tell me what’s wrong.”
Palma wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at Tokio.
“Why does it have to be me?” she said. “Every time, every fucking time.” That was the first time Tokio had ever heard her swear.
“What…what do you mean?” Tokio said.
“I don’t even know what I’m doing, and I just get pushed around from one person to another…it’s, it’s just, why did they have to give my powers to me? Someone who has no clue what to do with it?”
“I’m not sure how Choujin powers get passed down. We can ask Sato about it. But Palma, really…I couldn’t think of a better person to have your power.”
“Don’t lie to make me feel better.”
“I’m not lying. Power is dangerous: we’ve seen it with Zora, with Quiem, hell, even with Batista. Strength is an enormous risk, especially if you give it to the wrong person. But Palma…god, I don’t know how to say this. I’m bad with words. I just feel like somehow, if I could give your power to anyone in the world, I’d choose you.”
“Because of what?” Palma said. “Good intentions? Good intentions don’t mean shit. Bill Morth had good intentions, and look where that got me. It can’t be me, Tokio. I’m gonna fuck up eventually, and everything will fall apart and it’ll all be because I’m incompetent.”
“An incompetent person wouldn’t have been able to do what you’ve done, Palma. You swam to an island you didn’t know, set up a business by yourself, and survived a horde of zombies.”
“The swimming was just because I’m a choujin. And you had to save me from the zombies.”
“I had training already, and you didn’t. Remember how I tried to teach you to beastify on the train? If you learn that, you’ll get to my level in no time.”
“The problem is, I didn’t,” Palma said. “I can’t. You tried to teach me, and it didn’t work.”
Tokio sighed. He stood up and sat down on her bed, facing her.
“I was pathetic when I first became a choujin,” Tokio said. “I don’t remember winning a single fight until I went to Iwato Mori. All I could do was kind of fly, maybe half of the time. You can already bring people back from the dead.”
Palma didn’t respond.
Tokio continued. “Look, what I’m trying to say is you shouldn’t—”
“I controlled Nude in the poppy fields,” Palma said. “I told him to help you and his eyes got the same symbol that mine have. He went all silent and started using his cards over and over. He was hurting himself and I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t listen.”
Tokio didn’t quite know what to say to that.
“I don’t want to have control over another person’s life,” Palma said. “Even if he is a sleazebag, I’ve already hurt Nude enough by reviving him and forcing him to stay alive. I’m scared, Tokio. If I’m going to help take down Zora, I’ll need to keep doing things like this. Causing other people pain because I have no clue what I’m doing. It’s like Azuma said: I’m ignorant.”
“That’s…that’s not true, Palma. You’ve already saved us a lot of pain. Without you, we wouldn’t have found the poppy fields. You’re the reason all of this is even possible.”
Palma didn’t seem convinced. She started silently crying again. Tokio felt something wrench in his gut as he watched tears roll down her face.
“Palma, please don’t cry,” Tokio said. “I hate it when you cry. Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but I can guarantee I’ll help you get through it. Tell me what I can do to help you, and I promise I’ll do my best.”
Palma’s crying reduced to sniffles. She turned to look at him.
“Will you hug me?” Palma said. “It won’t fix anything, but I’ve…never been hugged before.”
He did.