Archive of Our Own ^beta

Being friends with someone usually meant never falling in love with them. Cherishing friendship felt more important rather than falling in love with something that can possibly ruin everything. Sometimes, nothing is ever ruined, or damaged. Sometimes, love works out. 

But other times, it feels like it never will. And the best option you can make is staying silent, afraid speaking the truth will actually ruin everything. And no one ever really does like ruining everything. 

Minho has always been the quiet and observant one. He only ever spoke when given the chance, yet even when he looked anti-social, he wasn't. He wasn't afraid to talk, he just learned when to and with who. 

His childhood best friends were never the one stopping him from talking. They all enjoyed speaking to each other. Saying random shit that sometimes made no sense, yet they still manage to laugh it off. 

They say best friends drift away eventually, but in this world time, for Minho it didn't feel like it. 

Even when romantic feelings are involved, he has a feeling they'll never actually really leave each other. They'll find their way back. As they always did. 

Fall was nearly over, winter was just a few days away. Minho observed the weather change, reminding himself he'll need to start looking for some warm clothing. He had been walking to campus with his only two friends that he's been friends with for his entire so-far life. Hyunjin, his first ever friend he'd made. They were each other's next door neighbors. Gradually, their families were close, and so they became so too. 

Hyunjin was more known around the campus. They talked about him like they did when they find someone attractive. Of course, Hyunjin was particularly popular around campus. His features were no matter loved by anyone who had spoken to him. It wasn't just his visuals that everyone was whipped about, his personality was rather different than most people. His odd ways of being himself attracted many others. 

In a way, you could say he was liked by many faces by doing absolutely nothing, and just being himself. 

That was spectacular Hyunjin. 

Then there was Jisung. He moved to the house right next to Minho’s the next two years later. Jisung was just another whole different person from Hyunjin. Or Minho, himself. Jisung was sharp, quick, alarted. He didn't like being left behind, so he always tried being one step ahead. Ready for anything. 

It was funny, because when the two boys had met Jisung, Jisung was a quiet kid who got shy saying one full sentence in front of them. But then, as they grew closer, Jisung found confidence in himself. And he felt comfortable enough to be himself when he was with Minho and Hyunjin. And when they knew they were all finally comfortable with each other, they began finding special safe places in their hearts. 

"Let's go winter shopping after this," Jisung had suggested when they found themselves eating their lunch outside the college campus right below a tall tree with a whole bunch of branches with leaves spread out imperfectly. 

Hyunjin let out a disaster groan. "Again??" He didn't sound so thrilled about it as Jisung hoped he would be. 

Jisung shrugged his shoulders. "Why not? It's not like you bought anything last time," he implied, face expression changing into a bit of annoyance. 

"And I won't buy anything this time either," Hyunjin sighed as he took a kimbap with his chopsticks, bringing it to his mouth and eating it. 

Jisung tried not to frown, so instead he glanced at Minho who was calmly enjoying his food. "Minho-hyung, what do you say?"

Minho stopped his chewing and met his blonde haired friend's gaze. "About what?" Minho pretends as if he hasn't heard anything. 

Jisung lets out a quite exhausted sigh. "Shopping. For winter clothes," Jisung points out. 

Minho glances at Hyunjin who's in the back with his two hands up in the air, a pleading expression to reject Jisung’s suggestion. Jisung notices Minho’s eyes drift away and quickly looks behind him. In that swift movement, Hyunjin’s expression falls and so do his hands. 

Jisung lets out a frustrated groan, returning his gaze back at Minho. "Don't look at him, Minho!" The blonde screeches out. 

Minho shrinks, caught by surprise by Jisung’s sudden raise of tone. "Sorry, erm…I mean, I got stuff to do so I don't–" 

Minho stops talking when he feels Jisung playfully slap him with his hand. "I can't believe you, Minho! Ugh, seriously…!" Jisung tries his best to hold back his frustration. 

The two boys watch with amusing smiles. Hyunjin soon starts petting Jisung’s blonde locks with a fond smile on his face. "Aigoo~" Hyunjin coos. 

Jisung quickly backs away from the affection and his eyes roll back in a playful manner. "What're you guys even gonna do?" Jisung wonders, sulking already. 

Hyunjin drops his hand back to his side. "Well, someone from my department invited me to a group party," Hyunjin informs. 

Jisung’s brows raise in amusement. "And that's more important than hanging out with us?? You're leaving your childhood best friends to hangout with some classmates of yours??" 

Hyunjin shrugs his shoulders. "You guys will never be replaced. You know that. And, have you forgotten you were the first one who ditched us in our second year of middle school?" Despite what Hyunjin says, his tone doesn't sound harsh, or rude. He's just plainly saying that. 

Jisung sighs. "Do you have to remind us?" 

"Well then, can I please just skip out this day?" 

Jisung doesn't want to agree, but the look in Hyunjin’s eyes makes him give in. "Okay, I'll allow it." 

Hyunjin lets his tense shoulders fall as he feels himself let out a sigh of relief. The conversation ends at that. 

"What do you think about this?" Jisung turns around as he holds a leather jacket over his own figure. 

Minho pretended to think as he stared at the clothing, even though he knew the answer to it already. "Looks good," he eventually admitted.

Jisung sighed and put the jacket back in its racket. Minho’s eyebrows raised when he observed the frown taking over Jisung’s face. "What, what happened? It seriously looked good on you. I wasn't joking." 

"I know, I know. I just–... if you want to leave you can leave," Jisung said. "I know I'm the one who said to go shopping and that I don't want to go alone, but I don't like the fact that you're here because of me. Forcing you to do something you don't want to do. So, just go home, Minho." 

Minho stares at Jisung, knowing the other was just frustrated and more worried about what Hyunjin must be currently doing by now. Minho had been very much aware of Jisung’s shift of mood of going shopping. He wasn't like this when he suggested going. Or at least, Minho didn't feel like he was like this before. 

Nevertheless, Minho moves on from the thought and instead taps Jisung’s hand to get his attention. The blonde glances to look at his friend. "Let's go grab something to drink. I'm sure we just need a break from walking," Minho calmly says. 

Jisung stares at Minho’s gaze softly, feeling somewhat better after knowing Minho still decided to stay with him. "You paying?" Jisung teased. 

Minho pulled the corner of his lips into a small smile. "If that's what you want," Minho shrugged his shoulders as they both began walking side by side with each other. Minho slightly puts his hand on Jisung’s waist to guide him to the exit of the store. Once out, his hand goes back to his side. 

"I'm only joking, Minho. I'll pay for my own," Jisung said. 

"You know I don't mind paying." 

A soft smile was on Jisung’s lips as he looked back at Minho. "I know. Thank you for that. But I'd rather pay for my own." 

Minho hums quietly. "If that's what you want, okay then." 

A chuckle bubbles out of Jisung’s throat as he looks away from Minho. Minho doesn't look away though. He stares at Jisung, enjoying the way the sunset view reflects on the blonde's face, strongly making Jisung look more beautiful. Not that Jisung wasn't already beautiful, he had always been enough to be called beautiful. Little things like the sunset enhancing his visuals, only made Minho more enchanted towards Jisung than he ever wanted to be. 

Moments like these made Minho realize how gorgeous looking his best friend is, making him feel like he was falling into some sort of feelings that felt like nothing friends should have. Minho wanted to slap himself. He didn't need to feel this way, not for his best friend. Not for Jisung. Not for Jisung who was already in love with Hyunjin. 

That would only make him get a heart ache. Well, correctly saying, he was already there – but he didn't want to stay there. Minho wanted to move on, get an eraser and make his feelings for Jisung disappear. It was almost like Minho was painting a canvas, beginning to get lost in his thoughts and ending up with him messing up his art, he needed to find a way to make the mistake of his art go away. 

But how do you make a mistake go away? 

You start anew, don’t you?

Winter was here before they even knew it. The weather slowly began manifesting to the way it normally felt like it needed to be. Minho was walking into the hallway when he spotted Jisung who stood in front of an open door. As Minho was about to call out for his best friend, Minho midway stops when he notices the way Jisung has a hand over his mouth and tears begin rolling down his soft rosy cheeks. 

Minho’s eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement, wondering why he was suddenly seeing his best friend cry, staring at something behind the open door. Just as Minho was getting closer with each step he took towards the blonde, he looked at the direction Jisung was looking – and there he saw what looks to be Hyunjin slobbering his mouth with a blonde head female, both completely making out in an empty classroom. 

Jisung lets out a quiet gasp of disbelief, and with the warm fuzzy scarf he had around his neck he starts clearing out his tears. Minho stares at them, his mind goes back to Jisung. Minho looks over at his best friend, observing the way Jisung’s eyes were filled with tears he didn't want to let out.

"They're kissing, Minho…Hyunjin…is kissing someone, who isn't me…" Jisung whispers out, his voice hushed in a soft-broken voice.

Minho doesn't know what to do, all he really does is stare at Jisung, who stares at them . 

It doesn't take long before Jisung can no longer stand the view and he rushes to walk away. 

Minho sighs, and he looks back at Hyunjin who was still very much stuffed in the female's face. Minho can't help but shake his head in disappointment at his best friend's dense actions before he walks away to go after Jisung. 

When he finds Jisung, the blonde is underneath the same tree they were just a week ago. The very tall tree that was mostly by itself behind the campus. As tall and big as it was, no one ever really saw it. They passed by it, but never looked at it. After all, it was just another normal looking tree with leaves and branches that start new with every season that came. 

Jisung is crying. Not the hard core crying, but the kind of crying where you want to cry but don't want anyone else to know you are. He has his feet up against his chest as his arms hold them close, his head buried so no one could see his ugly crying. 

Minho slowly, and quietly made himself comfortable sitting beside Jisung. No words escaped Minho as he calmly waited for Jisung to acknowledge his presence. 

It probably took a while before Jisung finally spoke without a sob wanting to threaten its way out. It might've taken a long time, but for Minho, who was captured by the silence accompanied by Jisung’s heartbreaking quiet cry, it didn't feel very much long. It almost felt like a mere second. 

"Is that you Minho hyung..?" Jisung said, slowly lifting up his head. 

Minho only hummed in response, unsure if Jisung wanted to hear his voice, or even wanted his company. 

But then, Minho feels relief when he feels Jisung inch closer as he slips his arm into Minho’s arm and rests his head on the older’s shoulder. 

Seems like Jisung didn't mind his presence after all. Which Minho is glad for. He wouldn't want to leave Jisung all by himself crying even if the boy himself said so. 

Minho slowly finds himself willing to let his tense muscles ease away into Jisung’s touch. He puts his head on top of Jisung’s, and he lets the blonde thread their fingers together. 

"Did you know about that?" Jisung asks, his voice slowly lifting back to normal. 

Minho plans to shake his head, but then he realizes it was currently on top of the blonde's so he speaks with his voice instead. "No. He didn't tell me anything." 

"You think that was the reason why he didn't want to hang out with us that time? Because…Because he was hooking up with some girl?" Jisung felt his tears want to roll down his face again, but he tried his best not to let that happen as he took in a long dragged breath of air. 

"I don't know…" Minho softly spoke, matching it with the tender voice Jisung had. 

Jisung lets the silence fall as he doesn't want to ask another question again after already asking one. He waits for a long pause, and then he says, "You think he's dating her now?" 

Minho softly lets out a sigh. "I don't know." He didn't question or interrupted Jisung to say why he was even asking him these questions when he truly knew nothing about it. He knew how Jisung felt, he knew the curiosity Jisung so badly had and the sudden obsession to find out his unanswered questions. Minho didn't mind the questions, he just let Jisung ask all he wanted and in return, Minho tried his best to answer all he knew. 

"Did he ever like me?" 

"I don't know," but I do.

The leaves above them made a delicate sound as the wind blew a breath of air, some of the leaves that slowly started turning a tint of maple orange flew away settling down into the green grass. 

The two stayed in silence as they comforted each other's half empty hearts. Not another word was spoken, and occasionally, Jisung would end up crying quietly again, only for Minho to embrace him into what he hoped felt a safe hug. 

The past few days Jisung didn't interact with Hyunjin anymore. He hasn't spoken to him since that day, nor have they seen each other since then. Minho doesn't say anything about it, he understands Jisung needs time for himself. To heal his broken heart. To move on from it. 

Minho did all he could to be there for Jisung. When he needed a shoulder to cry on, or when he needed someone to listen to him. 

Minho didn't ask for anything in return, and though most would say this was his chance to make a move on Jisung, he didn't. He wouldn't. He didn't want to do that to Jisung. He knew admitting his feelings for Jisung right now would only trap more stress and worry into him, Minho didn't want to do that. 

No. 

He didn't want to confess his feelings for him. He couldn't. He didn't feel like he needed to, because he already knew the answer to that. To his feelings. He didn't need validation of Jisung to know his feelings would stay unrequited. He didn't need the confirmation of his best friend to benefit from his own broken heart. He was already broken enough ever since he found out about his feelings. His heart already felt the rejection.

 Minho didn't need to hear Jisung himself reject his feelings in order for him to feel the ache in his heart. He had been aching since the beginning, already knowing without even needing to ask Jisung what his answer would be. 

For Jisung, Minho will always be his best friend who will always be his first option and his safe option, and nothing more than Minho silently wanted it to be. 

OCTOBER 2, 2017 

Minho found himself sick one morning. He hadn't told anyone, not even his own mother. He pretended he was fine when his mother awoke that morning, telling him she was gonna be late for dinner and that he'll probably need to cook for himself if she wouldn't show up any later than seven. Minho told her not to worry, as he found himself saying it so much lately. She had left with his sister, never realizing the pain Minho held back from the headache he was having. 

Minho didn't want to worry his mother. Much less make her stay and not go to work cause her son isn't feeling well. Even though mothers are supposed to take care of their children, Minho didn’t want that. He didn't want to have his mother's attention knowing there's another great option on the other side. Which is why he didn't tell her he was sick. 

When she left first, Minho ate a banana and drank some milk before he would take a tylenol to help relieve his headache. He wasn't planning on attending school. Even though he could just wear a mask to prevent his disease from spreading, he still felt very much in pain to even pay attention in class. 

His muscles felt sore and his throat irked him to death. He couldn't even get out of bed afterwards laying there. He slept for the most part, sometimes he'd go on his phone but then that annoyed the hell out of him. And so, he fell asleep. 

Minho opens his eyes to the sound of voices, familiar ones at that. 

“Stop making so much noise! You’re gonna wake him up!” 

“Well, how am I supposed to get by then?”

“Can’t you just sit down and be quiet?” 

“I did try! But it’s boring here!”

“Find something to do, it’s not like he’s a stranger, Hyunjin.” 

Minho sits up and looks around his room to see his two friends in his room. Jisung is sitting right next to him on the bed, while Hyunjin is roaming around the room, looking at the bookshelf Minho had full of textbooks and a few comic books. Jisung snaps his head back to see Minho painfully trying to sit up. “No, no, don’t do that,” Jisung urged, lightly pushing Minho back down so he could lay down on the bed. 

“You’ve got a fever, Hyung,” Jisung states, a worried expression written on his face. 

Minho hummed quietly. “Yeah, I do. So what about it?” 

“What about it? You can’t be sitting up and doing things right now! Look at you! You’re sweating!” Jisung implies, the palm of his hand goes to touch Minho’s burning forehead. Minho, taken aback, stumbles a bit away from Jisung’s touch. It was only then when he felt Jisung’s skin that he noticed how cold and fresh the younger felt was different from what he was currently feeling. He felt his clothes were a bit wrenched from water but he can’t remember ever taking a shower or feeling at the least humid before he had laid in bed. He also took notice of the way his headache only felt worse than it did before, and his body felt a bit moist. 

Minho dipped a hand into the back of his shirt, only to have felt sweat dripping against his skin. 

“I’m cold, I don’t know why I’m sweating,” Minho says. 

Jisung sighs and withdraws his hand away from Minho’s forehead. Jisung gets off the bed and turns around to face Hyunjin. “Bring me a wet towel, Hyunjin,” Jisung said. 

Hyunjin turns around to face them. “Where?” 

“I don’t know, find some in the kitchen!” Jisung yelled. 

Hyunjin does as he’s told and he walks out the room. Jisung throws the warm blankets away from Minho’s body. “Take off your clothes,” Jisung says. The sudden words surprise Minho. The older paused to do so, Jisung’s eyes widened from the realization of what he said. 

“I don’t mean it like that, dummy! You’re burning up, we need to calm down that temperature of yours,” Jisung explains, gesturing for Minho to lift his shirt up. 

For some strange reason, Minho felt a bit flustered and nervous. He wondered why that was, because he’s never been so embarrassed to take off his clothes in front of Jisung. It never felt like that before. Yet, here he was, completely bashful and shy, he felt his body heat up, but he didn’t know if it was because he had a fever, or if he was making his own fever get worse by blushing over taking his clothes off in front of Jisung. The long-sleeved shirt was lifted over his head and he awkwardly threw it on the floor, his bare chest was hit by the fresh air in his room, making him shiver from the coldness. 

“It’s cold,” Minho commented, wrapping his arms around his stomach. 

Jisung’s lips did a small frown. “I know,” he mumbled, before he got off the bed and made his way to Minho’s closet. The younger searched for a pair of shorts and a light wear shirt, when he’s got them, he returns back to sitting beside Minho. 

“Here, wear this,” the brunette handed the pair of clothes to Minho. 

A small quick smile forms on Minho’s lips as he grabs the clothing. “Thanks,” he mumbles out as he quickly grabs the shirt and slides it over his head, the oversized shirt fits perfectly loose against his body. Jisung stared at his friend, observing him closely, wondering if anything else looked wrong with Minho. His lips were a bit chapped, but other than that he looked fine. Though Jisung knew Minho wasn’t fine. 

“Have you eaten anything?” Jisung wonders. 

Minho shakes his head whilst he throws his sweatpants on the floor. “No,” he says, “I don’t have an appetite right now.” 

Jisung hummed as he took note of that, he looked around the room to think about what else was there to do when someone was sick. Jisung has only ever taken care of himself when he was sick and all he ever did was take a few painkillers and go to sleep, but that’d been all. His sickness never got to a very strong extent as to that he needed his mother’s help. He took care of himself just fine, but now he was thinking he had to take care of someone else entirely different from what he normally had done. 

This was his first time ever taking care of someone that wasn’t himself. He was nervous, worried, but he did all he could not to show it. Despite the nerve wrecking feeling of doing something new, Jisung calmed down his beating heart, and the thought of trying not to mess up seemed to be the only thing that could fade away his overthinking. 

Without realizing it, Jisung began chewing on his bottom lip harshly as he thought of the steps to take care of someone with a fever. 

Step one: always be there in case the person needs anything. 

Step two: Check their temperature

Step three: If the fever is too high, try to bring it down (take off clothes, or anything too warm)

Step four: they need to drink plenty of water and fluid drinks

“Oh, I forgot to bring you some—” Jisung turns around to face Minho, but his words are caught off when the older catches his wrist, bringing Jisung to completely look at him. It’s only then that Jisung’s own scattered thoughts seem to have gone away, when his gaze gets sucked in by Minho. 

Minho’s gaze is delicate, and drowsy but still very much sensible. “Stop worrying so much, I’m gonna be fine. It’s only a fever, what are you overthinking so much about?” Minho reassures with a low-toned voice. He stared deeply into Jisung’s gaze, all but wanting him to know that there wasn’t anything to overthink so much about. 

Jisung swallowed down the lump in his throat, bringing himself to be in the same tranquility of Minho’s. His gaze softened, the corner of his lips twitching into a small smile as he melted into Minho’s gaze and reassuring words. “Okay…I understand,” Jisung whispers, his over-beating heart finally stops feeling so pressured and aching. 

Minho exhales out a breath of relief, his eyes fluttering close. “Oh, thank god. Your own wildness was getting to me,” the older mumbles, his own hold on Jisung’s wrist becoming loose. 

“It’s still very cold, and I’m tired. So, I’m gonna ask you, will you let me sleep a little more?” Minho asks without opening his eyes. 

Jisung fondly stares at Minho. “Okay, sure,” a chuckle leaves Jisung’s mouth as he watches Minho already getting comfortable in his own bed again. 

“Thank you. I’ll be all better once I’ve woken up, okay?” Minho said, laying down and covering himself with his blankets again. 

Minho’s attempt to secretly cover himself with his warm blankets doesn’t go missing by Jisung. “Hey, hey, no blankets right now,” Jisung said, throwing once again the blankets off of Minho’s body. 

A frown sets upon Minho. “But, I’m cold,” the older insists again. 

A soft sigh escapes Jisung’s lips as he rolls his eyes in a playful manner. “I’ll get you different sheets that aren’t too heavy,” the brunette says, getting on his feet. 

Minho smiles warmly at the younger, his eyes spark upon setting his gaze on Jisung. “Thank you, for being here,” Minho said, softly. “Thank you for worrying about me when no one else did, not even myself,” Minho’s lips pulled into a small serene smile. 

When he says this, Jisung’s heart cracks a little. Or, squeezes, maybe even tightens, whatever it was, his heart felt something. Like a tug that’s supposed to mean something, heart ache? Sympathy? Wonder? Possibly, somewhere in the sensations of love? 

No, not quite right. 

Jisung smiled delicately, before he exited the room. 

Minho fell asleep just shortly after, everything in his room stayed the same. His own body was the same as it was just yesterday, his thoughts stayed the same as they stayed minutes ago, his own feelings though, felt a bit different. He understood now that his heart however, wasn’t anywhere near the same anymore. It no longer belonged to him, he knew then and there, his heart terrifically, and decisively belonged to Han Jisung. 

February 22, 2024

Everything was pale as it’s ever been, the sky was impalpable, a dull obscured wrench of somber dim clouds. The warmth of the sun was translucent despite the winter snowfall weather. The hiding away gleaming sun was dusked away behind the far clouded sky. Although nothing about the cold season seems to be stopping Seoul city from moving along. Minho sat beside a window seat in a cafe as he waited for his guest to arrive. One look outside has caused him to observe and study everything that walked past him, and entered his eyesight. Such a habit of his that has begun to take over him little by little. Not knowing why that was. 

Not long after, the cafe door opened, and the small little bell on the top chimed along with it, indicating someone had entered. Minho turned around to the sound of that, wondering if his guest had finally arrived. 

She had. 

Her auburn wavy locks drop down her shoulders, and her expression furrowed, hinting that she’s queasy about something. Minho observed his sister, already knowing something’s up. Just as he observes her, she finally meets his gaze and her expression entirely soothes out into tenderness. The corner of her lips are pulled into a smile, and her eyes crinkle along with a glimmer of light. She walks towards the table Minho had been sitting near for almost an hour now, not that he minded. He enjoyed being a tad bit early, especially if it meant he got silence to himself; thinking about what to say for the soon-to-be conversation. 

Jiwoo, his nineteen year old sister, greeted Minho with such a tight embrace. “Oh, how I’ve missed you, brother,” she says, through a bright smile. 

Minho softly smiles. “I’ve missed you too. How have you been?” 

Jiwoo withdraws herself away as she takes another good look at her brother. “How have you been? You’ve got eyebags under your eyes. Are you not sleeping much? Not eating much either, huh?” 

“Well, you know how it is. We’ve got finals coming up, and I can barely do anything but study,” Minho admits, opening his chair to sit down.  

“But you’re already smart? Smarter than anyone I’ve ever known,” Jiwoo says, taking a seat across from Minho. 

Minho cracks a smile. “Thanks, but that’s not quite true. Do you want anything?” 

“Just some hot coffee.”

Minho stood up from his seat to order his sister’s coffee. Once done paying, he returns to the table and sits across from his sister. He notices her little smirk on the side of her lips, the way her eyes shift to mischievous. “What is it?” Minho wonders, his lips twitch, refusing to let the smile form on his lips. 

“Something’s up. Other than your exams and all,” Jiwoo says with such confidence that can’t be denied. 

Minho shrugs his shoulders as he takes a slug out of his ice americano. “I will admit you’re correct, but your assumptions are way out of the league here,” Minho admits, putting his drink down, his gaze faltering to the waiter who approaches them, only to bring the warm cup of coffee to the table. The two quietly thank the waiter before they leave ahead. 

“So, what is happening then?” Jiwoo asks, wriggling her brows. 

“Nothing, but also not nothing.” 

“Pfft—That makes absolutely no sense. It’s either something, or it’s nothing. Now tell me, have you gotten yourself a partner now? Is that why you’re so confused about it?” 

“What? No. That’s not it, at all.” 

“Then what is it? I’m curious.” 

Minho looks out the window. “It’s nothing to be curious about. Nothing of it is going to happen.” 

Confusion knits in between Jiwoo’s brows as she tilts her head to the side. “Why’s that?” Carefully, she brings the small sized fancy glass cup near her mouth, taking a sip of it. She observed the way her brother was caught away by his thoughts, thinking whether or not to furthermore this conversation or move on from it. 

Without realizing it, Minho had caught his bottom lip, pressing the tip of his teeth just gently on the skin of his lips. Jiwoo took note of it. “You’ve never done that before,” his sister comments, setting the cup back down. 

Minho glanced back at her. “What?” 

“You have never bitten your lip when it comes to thinking about something. It’s always been eyes up, but never that. Though, you stopped living with me for the past four years so I suppose you’ve gotten new habits,” Jiwoo trailed off. 

Minho stared at her in his own puzzlement. 

Habits? What new habits? 

“Oh that’s right! You still hang around with those friends of yours right?” 

The sudden new topic of his friends trips Minho even more into confusion. “I’m assuming you mean Jisung and Hyunjin?” Those were his only friends after all. Well, real friends. Minho knew many other people, met loads of people at that (partially because of Hyunjin), but did he really know anything about them? And did they know anything about him? Did they understand each other? 

No. Not one thing. 

The only people who did, were none other than Han Jisung and Hwang Hyunjin. Those were the people who he understood and they who understood him. 

“Okay, what about them?” Minho wondered. 

Jiwoo shrugged. “Well, I found this,” Jiwoo grabbed something out of her bag, placing it on the table. “I found Dori playing with it,” Jiwoo added. 

It was a bracelet. 

More specifically, it was his bracelet that Jisung had brought for both him and Hyunjin, including himself as well. The bracelet had their initials together, MHJ, nothing more to it. Of course it wasn’t just that simple or plain, the bracelet was meant to be created on your own. Adding your own sort of pieces to it. Of course, you need to buy the pieces in order for it to be on the bracelet. At the time, Minho had no money, so he didn’t put anything else and just stayed with their three initials. But he had lost it one day, and gradually, Jisung stopped wearing his, and so did Hyunjin. The bracelet was never spoken about ever since they received it. 

Though, Minho has a feeling that the bracelet conversation was never brought up because either they lost it too, or they just didn’t like wearing jewelry as much anymore. 

Minho grabbed the chain of the bracelet, putting it on his wrist again. This was his first time wearing jewelry ever since he’s lost it. Minho wasn’t quite a guy for accessories, but this bracelet was the only given exception, along with any other gift he received from anyone who he truly understood.

“Thanks, I thought I wouldn’t be able to see it again,” Minho says, a smile slowly forming on his lips at the thought of having it once again. 

“No problem. You should actually thank Dori for that.”

“Oh, right, how are my lovely pets doing?” Minho questions, and the conversation continues on. Jiwoo explains how very healthy his three cats have been and how they spend most of their time in Minho’s old bedroom, missing him. Once there was nothing more to catch up on with his cats, Minho moved on to how Jiwoo was doing. How her studies were going, and the sort of all-well-known questions a brother asks when he’s curious to know how his younger sister’s life is going. Somewhere along as Jiwoo spoke about their current life, her smile began to drift away. She talked about how her friends were different now, and how her boyfriend really takes good care of her, along with her stress she’s been having with figuring out what she wanted to do with her life. 

Minho did all he can to reassure her that no matter how hard it is, nothing could be harder when ignoring your mental health first. And, if she didn’t know what she wanted to do at the moment, then the best thing she could do for herself would be to take a rest. At that, Jiwoo finally pulled a smile and their conversation continued again, with something new. 

Minho never spoke about how his friendship with Jisung and Hyunjin felt like it was slowly parting ways again. He didn’t talk about the way his feelings for Jisung were once like every other time, growing deeper and stronger, knowing that if he didn’t stop that already, it’ll only be harder and more difficult for Minho to move on from them. Instead of speaking a little bit of the truth, and relieving himself from the truth, Minho bottled up his feelings, and endured everything. Remaining silent. 

“If you had to choose between cheesecake or apple pie, which would you choose?” Jisung had asked Minho once when they decided to bake together after classes in Jisung’s apartment. They had made heart shaped strawberry jam cookies already, and now they were gonna try to make some chocolate brownies. Jisung had suggested doing something like this, wanting to spend some time with the older. 

It’s been a month since the whole Hyunjin getting a girlfriend thing, and ever since then, Jisung hasn’t been wanting to see Hyunjin. Minho knew Jisung didn’t hold a grudge against Hyunjin, the lad was just heart-broken to be able to go see Hyunjin without feeling hurt. Most of the time, Jisung spends his time with Minho now. Well, they both spend most of their time together, shopping, talking and studying together; just like now, baking while a soft melancholy music plays in the background. 

“Cheesecake, because it’s obvious you like it,” Minho replies whilst he cracks the eggs, a smile tugging at the ends of his lips, his head lowered as he focuses on batting the ingredients inside the bowl. 

Jisung smiles softly. “Because I like it? What about you?” 

Minho shrugs his shoulders without averting his eyes from the batter. Enjoying how sight of the batter easily begins to get liquidly, along with the way its color darkens. “It’s alright, it doesn’t hurt to eat it.” 

“Would you eat it everyday then?” Jisung asks out of fun, closely watching Minho’s expression. 

Minho’s brows furrowed as did his lips pout slightly, not very much liking the idea of that. “Erm—that’s a little too much, don’t you think?” Minho nervously replies, not wanting to answer Jisung with a “no” sort of response. 

Just then, an evil laugh comes out of Jisung. The blonde approaches Minho, somewhat slightly back hugging Minho. “Your reaction was priceless, hyung! Aigo~ Thank you for having such a response to that,” Jisung says, “I needed a good laugh.” 

Minho makes every effort to ignore, and brush away the fluttery feelings that bubble inside him from Jisung’s touch. Focusing instead on the batter in front of him and not the boy who hugs him tightly from behind. 

Minho does not pay attention to his own personal feelings and instead his lips pull into a small delicate smile. “Well, I’m glad. I was able to do that for you,” Minho sincerely spoke. 

Shortly after, Jisung withdraws away from Minho’s flushed body and walks back to where he had been standing. “You’ve always been able to do that, you know?” Jisung confesses. 

Minho halts, and slowly turns to look at Jisung, his eyes shimmering at the thought. Minho stares at Jisung attentively, wanting to hear more of this, even though he knows it’ll end up ruining his heart even more. 

“You probably don’t know this, but you’ve always been the person I feel most comfortable with. I don’t feel like I need to worry about anything when I’m with you. You know?” 

“I know,” Minho softly whispers out, staring off into the distance now. 

“It’s nice. I like this. Just the two of us.” 

Minho locks his gaze with Jisung’s. A pained expression is hidden behind his calming eyes. “Yeah, it’s nice…”

“Have you ever done this before?” Jisung questions. 

That sort of question makes Minho want to let out a laugh of how foolish it was for Jisung to ask. Has he ever done this before? No. Never. He either tries something new by himself, it’s mostly with Jisung and Hyunjin, but never with anyone else. 

Minho doesn’t regularly make friends, nor do they ever so much as last. He was probably the only one who didn’t have any other friends besides Jisung and Hyunjin, not that he minded. He liked having Jisung and Hyunjin as his only friends, it wasn’t like he needed anymore. 

“No, never.” Minho admitted, returning back to whisking the batter.

“Why’s that?” Jisung wondered. 

“It’s not a very hard question to answer. I don’t interact with a lot of people,” Minho says whilst he looked at the recipe that was written on the side (Jisung’s baking book was neatly placed on the side), and he walked towards Jisung, gesturing that he had finished the batter. Jisung moves to the side to grab the bowl away from Minho’s hands. 

“And why is that? Why don’t you hang around with new people?” Jisung questions, curious to know. 

Minho doesn’t hesitate to answer, already feeling comfortable talking about this sort of topic with Jisung that he probably wouldn’t be having with anyone else but him. That was another reason why Jisung was so special to Minho. Minho, as well, didn’t have to worry about anything when it came to talking about personal matters, knowing they would just worry about it together. Together was far better than alone. 

“I just don’t feel comfortable as much anymore… It’s different from when I am with you or Hyunjin. You guys like, understand me more. I like that better. You know, it saves me from all the trouble of getting to know someone and knowing whether or not they’ll be good or bad for me. All that load of trouble is too much for me to even want to handle. I prefer…it’d be this way. Just you, and Hyunjin.” 

Once Jisung puts the baking pan inside the oven, he flinches upon hearing the mention of Hyunjin, Minho notices. 

“Sorry,” the older mumbles, looking away from Jisung. “I shouldn’t have mentioned him, I know you don’t wanna know anything about him right now. I totally understand,” Minho awkwardly says, looking around and figuring out what to do now that they were officially done with the brownies. 

Jisung shakes his head. “No, it’s fine…” A quiet chuckle escapes Jisung’s throat as he thinks about something. “I mean, it’s not like he’s some old ancient curse that we can’t speak anything about. It’s…” Jisung takes in a deep breath before he breathes out, mustering the courage to say, “it’s Hwang Hyunjin, and he’s not a curse,” he mumbles, attempting not to feel miserable when saying Hyunjin’s name. 

Minho looks at him from the side. Observing the way how the delicate gaze slowly shifts into loneliness in Jisung’s spec of eyes. 

Hwang Hyunjin was the one who took his heart away. If there was a curse, it had to be that. 

Rain happens the next minute, the sound of its pitter-patter drops on the rooftop of the apartment, the raindrops begin to escape on the windows, dropping with each second that passes on the small plants outside of Jisung’s entrance door. Soon enough, it was pouring. 

The sound of the rain brings Jisung out of his traces of thoughts and he hurries to the closest window. “It’s raining,” Jisung calmly pin-points. Minho approaches Jisung, looking outside the window as well. 

“Do you like the rain?” Such an obvious question Minho already knew, yet he never asked him about it. He felt it was right to do so. 

Jisung smiles at the thought, loving the question he’s been asked. “Do I like the rain? Such a foolish question, Minho-hyung! I love the rain!” Jisung answers without a heart-beat, looking back at Minho with a wide eyed smile. “I’m curious though, do you like it the same?” Jisung questions, his smile only widening with purity. 

“Not the same. But to some extent, I think.” 

“I don’t think I can understand what you mean. I’m in love with the rain.” 

“You don’t think I already know?” Minho comments, a sheepish smile settles on his lips as he stares into Jisung that stares outside the window with such admiring eyes. 

Jisung glances at Minho with a shocked expression. Minho’s brows furrowed. “What? What is it?” 

Jisung suddenly makes a jump in the air, surprising Minho. The blonde looks around the place in lost happiness. “Oh my gosh! This is my favorite song!! My favorite song is playing while it rains outside?! This is crazy! How could this be happening? This is…I’m speechless,” Jisung exclaims, trying to catch his own breath and his own astonishment. 

Minho let out a bubbly laugh as he stared fondly at the lad. “Well, this is your playlist.” 

“I know, I know! But, it’s just crazy…! It’s raining, and my favorite song is playing right now…! It's just so…perfect. I love it!” Jisung quickly fetches his phone to turn up the volume. The song now plays in a good volume in the background of the scenery, and Jisung takes a seat on his sofa, needing to catch his breath after the sudden feeling of exploding ecstasy. He lets himself listen carefully to the song and the sound of the rain outside his small what now felt like cozy apartment.  

The song wasn’t too loud, nor was it the sort of song that was sung by a voice for too long. It had a few words here and there, but the voice was low, toned down, and quiet. The melody of the song was ambience enough to set Jisung’s heart racing again, and yet at the same time, soothing him down. The instruments played so delicately and faintly. It was neither a song that made you feel overly happy, nor overly sad. Jisung wrapped his knees close to his chest as he embraced the song and the rain and the moment all together. 

Such a peaceful movement was given to him.

Minho stared at the blonde from afar. Observing the way Jisung’s atmosphere had completely changed upon sitting down and staring off into nothing but the intimacy. Just like before, Jisung’s eyes had changed all the same. The spark in his eyes was fading away, and his smile was beckoning to fade away too. Slowly, Minho walked towards Jisung, and without giving it much of a thought, Minho extended his hand out, hoping Jisung would take it. The lad slowly looked up to meet Minho’s gaze. 

Jisung didn’t want to take Minho’s hand, not because he didn’t trust him. Jisung trusted Minho, trusted him more than anyone else in the entire world. He wanted to continue sitting down, and listening to his music, secretly letting his melancholy arrogate him. But, he didn’t. Forcefully, Jisung put his hand on top of Minho’s, and the older clustered their two hands together, pulling Jisung off the sofa. 

They now stood in front of each other in the silence, Jisung still expressionless, while Minho watched him closely. Staring into each other, not saying a word as the music still continued on. Hesitantly, Minho begins to move their hands together as he slowly moves his body side to side. Minho’s expression remains fixated, closely observing Jisung while he bit by bit, begins swaying his body side to side, along with their intertwined hands. He waits to get a reaction from Jisung. 

The blonde’s brows furrowed slightly, and he contained himself from rolling his eyes back in annoyance, not liking what Minho was getting on at. Jisung knew what Minho was trying to do, and he didn’t know if he even wanted Minho to do that. However, as seconds ticked by, unconsciously, Jisung’s lips slowly began to turn upward from the sight of seeing Minho trying to dance. Succeeding in finally making Jisung smile, Minho finds it’s time to smile as well. 

Awkwardly and unskillfully, yet encouragingly and comfortably, the two found themselves lightly swinging their bodies along with the music in the background, and the clattering of the rain. Jisung didn’t immediately feel better though, he still sulked and frowned about something, Minho was doing all he can to put a smile back on Jisung’s face. 

Vigorously, Jisung moved along with Minho’s dance. Distancing from each other, and then bringing each other closely, and then Minho turning Jisung around. It’s only then when Jisung does a twirl that he finally smiles. His angelic, wide smile that makes his eyes crinkle and brighten. Minho smiles along with him, hoping to ease away the tension in the room. 

The older goofily dances along with Jisung, chaotically swinging himself around and clasping his hands back together with Jisung, pulling their bodies close to each other. Then again, Minho sways their hands together, shifting his feet side to side and watching as Jisung cracks out a chuckle from the sight. And although Jisung laughed at Minho, laughed at his silly dance, Minho didn’t care if it was because of how unprofessional and clumsy he was dancing to the music, all that he cared about was seeing Jisung smile. That was all he was doing this for. To distract Jisung’s mind, and to make him realize that there was still happiness in this perfect moment. His happiness was still lingering inside him. 

Like the boy said, his favorite song was playing, the rain had also happened, everything was perfect for him. And why should he ruin it by thinking of something else and missing this entire moment? 

Minho didn’t want to let that happen. He didn’t want to see Jisung's joy about his favorite things vanish before him without even knowing it. 

The music for this first time didn't feel just like a background. Jisung felt the music in his ears, he felt in his brian, he felt it inside him. It wasn’t just a song now. It wasn’t just his favorite song now. It was their song. 

In the music, they spoke no words. In the moment, they made it happen. 

Jisung’s thoughts were gone. Gone in another place he didn’t care anything about at the moment. Minho smiled, and Jisung felt better. 

They spun each other around and found themselves laughing quietly about their silly little dance. They slowed dance along the music and the rain in their ears, finding each other’s presence filled with unspoken comfort. Jisung rested his chin on Minho’s shoulder, loving every thing that just happened. Feeling relieved that it happened. They both rested their bodies together, still they slowly and calmly moved their feet side to side, lifting slightly each foot step by step as the song unfortunately began fading away. 

The song faded out their mind, out their ears, and out their feelings. 

They stopped, but the rain still went on. 

Jisung lifted his head away from Minho’s shoulder, their hands that were interlaced together had fallen apart, but Minho still held on Jisung’s waist. For the first time, their faces inches away, they looked into each other’s eyes. So many things were said in the silence as they stared deep into each other.  

And for a split moment, it could have happened. There was a chance there, Jisung could have fallen for Minho instead. 

But, Jisung’s thoughts had returned, Minho could instantly notice what he was thinking just by the way his smile had faded.  

Minho didn’t need to ask, he didn’t need confirmation, he didn’t need validation, because just like his feelings, Minho knew it all. 

Jisung still missed Hyunjin. 

And he will always want him. 

Minho read the look in Jisung’s eyes. He didn’t want to see that look, he never thought he’d be able to see it. “ I’m sorry ” is what the look in Jisung’s eyes said. 

Jisung withdrew away, and walked away to the kitchen. 

Minho stood there in the unmoving silence, not knowing what else to do. Not knowing how to give up. Not knowing when he’ll finally be able to move on. The music became just a background once again. 

SEPTEMBER 30, 2017

It was right after school began that the three boys went to their first ever party. Someone was hosting a birthday party and they had invited Hyunjin. Hyunjin dragged the other two boys along with him. Jisung was more nervous than anything, which in return made Minho a hint of nervous too. Hyunjin was far more excited and looking forward to it than any of the other two. 

Jisung looked weary, terrified almost. They neared the house with each step they took. Until, Jisung grabs Hyunjin’s arm to grab his attention. “I can’t do this,” Jisung states, trying not to make it obvious how terrified he was to walk through the doors. 

Hyunjin frowns and shifts his entire body to face the younger. “Why?? We’re already here, we can’t go back now, Ji!” Hyunjin explains eagerly. 

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Jisung mumbles. 

“If you want we can go back—“

“No, no. It’s fine, I can do this,” Jisung interrupts Minho, shaking his head. 

Hyunjin lets out a sigh of relief as he nods his head fondly. “Yes! Yes, you’ve got this, Ji! Now, c’mon, c’mon,” Hyunjin gestured as they continued walking. 

Minho stares at Jisung, observing the way he breathes in and breathes out deeply. It was clear the blonde didn’t so much as got it. 

Minho looked at the way Jisung fidgeted with his hands that were now sweating from nervousness as he followed behind Hyunjin. Minho opened up his palm, thinking about reaching out to Jisung and hoping to comfort him by holding his hand. But then his hand froze, and he realized what he was about to do was possibly out of the line, and withdrew his hand away.

Minho forces himself to look away from Jisung, knowing that there was possibly nothing he could do to make Jisung feel more at ease than Hyunjin can most definitely do. Minho’s hand turns into a fist as he lets it fall right back to his side. 

Hyunjin opens the door without letting a second pass, already looking forward to what a party would bring to them.

Unlike the American movies Hyunjin has seen, the party isn’t so much as crowded. There’s a few people here and there, but nothing too much. Hyunjin looks around the place, until he spots a familiar face in the far corner. He turns around to face his friends. “Hey, um I’ll be right back,” Hyunjin said before he walked off. 

Jisung’s eyes widen when Hyunjin turns his back to them and walks to the group of people in the far corner of the living room. The lad turns around to meet Minho’s gaze. His expression is stiff and tainted with horror. “I’ll be right back then,” Jisung says, and just like the other, he walks away to some other hall of the house. 

Minho knew he shouldn’t worry, but seeing as there was hardly anyone around, he figured Jisung would be okay. Especially if he was gonna lock himself in the bathroom. 

Minho sighed softly and looked around his surroundings, wondering what to do now. Then, strangely, some girl approaches him and hands him a cup. “Here, you look thirsty,” she says, and when Minho grabs the drink, she walks away. 

Minho looks at the inside of the cup, not quite trusting it. He puts it aside and makes his way to the kitchen, wondering what there was to munch on. 

There’s chips, ones that he’s never seen before, and there’s a big plastic bowl with what looks to be red juice. Again, something he never knew of before. 

He wondered then, who exactly was it that invited Hyunjin to this party? House party at that. 

Minho poured himself a cup of the juice, taking a sip out of it. It didn’t taste that good. Bitter, and acid running down his throat. Still, it wasn’t that bad either. 

Minho slowly walked around the house, a few people greeting him “hi” but never saying more than that. Nor starting a conversation with him. They just passed by him and let him wander around, not even caring if Minho would decide to rob something or not. Not that he was gonna do that, that was just the way everyone around this place seemed. Nothing about Minho was important. They weren’t staring at him, wondering what he was doing or how he looked, they just let him be. 

Minho liked that. 

No one caring about what he’d do. 

Minho settled standing near a window with the cup of juice in his hands. Though, now that he was realizing, the cup of juice wasn’t at all just juice. It had something else in it, but he didn’t know what it was, or even if it was a good thing or not. 

Minho took one last quick chug out of it before he put it on top of the nearest counter and then returned back to the place he was just at. 

Minho observed outside, noticing the way the sun had already gone and the night had arrived. Along with rain. 

The drops of rain clank on the window, silently they made a peddled sound, unheard by everyone else in the room as they were too busy in their own sort of conversations, or dancing along to the music. 

Minho quietly watched the window, studying closely the way the raindrops slowly ran down, and somewhere along the way, the droplets of rain collided with another. Minho didn’t know what he was doing, or even what to do at the moment. Hyunjin was talking to his friends, while Jisung had probably locked himself in the bathroom. He thought about joining Jisung, but he figured that’d be the least of things Jisung would want at the moment. 

Minho knew the lad just wanted to spend time with Hyunjin right now, but he wasn’t. Jisung needed time to bring himself back together. 

Minho looked at the rain, staring off into the distance, letting his thoughts wander around his brain. For a while, he stood there, not minding how everyone else around him was doing their own thing, meeting new people, talking along with a person, living their life mindlessly. He didn’t mind not being part of everyone else’s moment, or being included, he was creating his moment, alone or not alone, it didn’t really matter to him. 

Minho didn’t have anything to do at this party, for all he knew, he could just walk out of this house and no one would care where he went or who he was. Not even his own friends. Though, it didn’t pain him to know that. He knew who they were, and what they were like, and most of all, he knew they were human too. Jisung and Hyunjin had their own lives, it wasn’t as if Minho would be at the center of it all the time. 

Minho had his life too, and they weren’t in the center of it all the time either. 

After all, they were individuals who lived under the same sky, that was all Minho needed to know they mattered to him, and he mattered to them. 

It’s been at least twenty minutes since Minho had been standing there, but he hadn’t known it. That is, until someone finally decides to acknowledge his existence. “You look like you’re rethinking your life decisions after coming here,” an unfamiliar voice says. 

Minho turns around to look at the face of the voice it belongs to. It was the same girl who had handed him that cup of drink not long ago. Minho’s vision is a bit of a blur, but it’s not that hard to notice the way her hair is slightly a vivid orange, some color you don’t normally run into these days. 

Minho opens his mouth to speak, but he can’t even hear what he says. Not because of the music, but more likely because of the drink he had. “Erm…What?” 

The female lets out a chuckle. “You’re drunk aren’t you?” 

“What? No, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Do you have any idea what you’re talking about?” 

“...What?” 

The girl smiles. “I told you to drink that cup instead,” she says. 

“And how am I supposed to know if it’s not something more worse than…than the other drink I just had?” 

“Oh, I suppose you’re right…” The carrot-head smacks her glossy red lips together, a pop of noise happens. “My bad,” she adds with a pinched expression. 

Minho stares at her face, her features. The beauty mark right next to her left eye, and the way she had done her makeup. She was one of a kind, he can immediately tell. Not just by her looks, but also by the way she phrased her words. Like she wasn’t afraid of anything. Of course, she probably was afraid of a few certain things, but he thought she’d be afraid of those little things you never think she would ever be afraid of. Possibly insects, but not the dark. 

“Hey, I’ll bring you something so you’ll sober up, okay?” She says, taking a step away from Minho, before pausing and giving Minho another long hard look. “You’ll be alright while I go and get you some water, right?” She wonders.  

Minho barely nods his head. “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Minho mumbled, half-annoyed and tired. A headache was beginning to rise. 

The girl mumbles “okay then” before she walks off, disappearing from Minho’s sight. 

Unaware of what he was doing, Minho starts walking on his own too. Cluelessly, Minho walks up the stairs, trying his best to compose himself back to normal again. He finds a bathroom, and for a moment, he wonders if Jisung was in this exact bathroom or possibly another one, but he wasn’t here anymore. And, if he wasn’t in here, did that mean there was another bathroom? Or was he just not anywhere in the bathroom anymore? And if that was it, then where was he now? 

Minho splashed cold water on his face, wondering if that would help him out. He didn’t know if it was, but he continued doing it for the next two minutes. Finally, he felt a bit of himself be conscious and he walked out the bathroom, where he saw another random stranger waiting patiently on the side. “Sorry,” he quietly apologized, walking to the empty hallway where three doors are seen shut. 

Annoyance made its way to Minho, knowing he’ll have to open each one of them to know if Jisung was either in there. 

The first wasn’t it, it was empty. Luckily for Minho’s eyes. The second one wasn’t it either, because an unknown face had answered it, no one in the room looked like Jisung. Minho moved on to the last bedroom door, having a great feeling this one was it. 

Minho knocked on the door, waiting for an answer. But nothing came. He knocked again, and still nothing. Minho lets out an exhausted sigh as he realizes he’d have to use his voice now. He takes in a deep breath and knocks on the door again. “Jisung? Jisung, if it’s you that’s in there, open the door. It’s me, Minho. I’m all by myself, you don’t have to worry about—” 

The door unlocks and it swiftly opens. Minho freezes. 

“You’ve got the wrong person, dude. There’s no “Jisung” here, man,” the stranger says, surprising Minho with his strong muscular appearance. 

Minho awkwardly takes a step back. “Oh, um, sorry about that.” 

The man grunts before he shuts the door closed again, leaving Minho speechless. 

Minho is frozen there for another minute, staring at the white door blankly, and without another thought, he quickly runs away from the three bedrooms and makes his way downstairs, not thinking about anything but Jisung. He needed to find Jisung now. 

How long had Jisung been left alone? And how can he be so stupid by letting Jisung be left alone all by himself, knowing the boy struggles to be left alone for a long time? Seriously, what the hell was Minho thinking! 

Minho scanned the living room, to spot the only familiar faces he knew around here. He finds a familiar face, but not the one he wants to see at the moment. 

The girl from early walks around the room, most likely looking for Minho as she now holds onto a plastic bottle of water. The water looked clear as ever. 

But Minho hides from the girl and instead walks to the kitchen to find his friends. When he doesn’t find them anywhere, and his panic of losing them begins escalating inside him, Minho searches instead for the near exit door, walking out what now felt like a suffocating house. 

He didn’t realize he was in the backyard of the house now. Just then, a laugh was heard. It sprung Minho around and his mind became alert, all the tension was relieved away just from hearing that all-so-well known loveable kind of euphoric laugh. 

Jisung. 

Minho walked to where the sound had come from. Jisung’s laugh had made him form a smile without even knowing it. Promptly, Minho walked to the side of the house, and just as he was about to call out for Jisung, he stopped upon taking notice of where Jisung was and who he was with. 

There was a reason after all, why Minho had not found Hyunjin anywhere. 

Minho watches from the side, just like another background for them, Minho watches as Jisung is pinned to the wall, by Hyunjin who takes Jisung’s first kiss away from him. 

Hyunjin’s hand is placed on the hip of Jisung as the younger holds on to Hyunjin’s neck, pulling him closer. Minho averts his gaze to the ground, feeling a bit out of place and above all else, alone. 

Minho didn’t know if his heart had shattered, or if it already had long ago, he didn’t even know what sort of emotions he was feeling seeing Jisung have his first kiss with his crush that isn’t him. He just felt alone, and he felt bad. An unsettling feeling defeated him, not because he saw Jisung and Hyunjin together. Not because he was covered in jealousy, or anger, Minho was feeling alone, and wistful. 

He wanted Jisung. He wanted Jisung to look at him, to feel him, to think of him. To stay beside him. Yet, Minho didn’t compete to get that from Jisung. Minho wouldn’t do anything. And he wasn’t. He knew Jisung’s own feelings, he knew Hyunjin’s own feelings as well, and he knew his own feelings as well. 

Minho didn’t want to ruin his friendship with Jisung. Minho didn’t want to lose his best friend, Minho didn’t want to make things harder for his best friend, and he didn’t want to change anything about their friendship. Minho loved Jisung. He always will. But that didn’t mean he needed to say it. If Jisung knew, then that was all the closure Minho needed. 

Minho walked away without saying anything, and he let the two have their own moment. 

Walking back to a stranger’s house, ignoring everything that was around him. He’s about to walk to where he now sees the ginger head talking to a person, still the water bottle in her hands, but he thinks about his decision, and decides against it. 

Minho grabs his coat from the sofa, and makes his way out the house. 

Minho felt that he needed to feel devastated after seeing the only person who he loves, Jisung, kissing Hyunjin, his best friend who wasn't him. Minho felt that he needed to feel angry, along with jealousy and misery. But he didn’t. Minho saw this coming, he knew it all along. He wasn’t surprised, just a tad bit late to it. 

Minho walked back home alone, in the night sky covered with clouds of rain. 

FEBRUARY 18 2024 

“Do you have any idea why Jisung is avoiding me? It’s been like, four months, no—it’s been a year since we’ve talked!” Hyunjin exclaimed as he walked beside Minho, the two walked together through the almost empty hallways of the college’s campus. It was four in the afternoon, the sunset beamed softly in their faces, casting a shadow of their figure. A soft delicate breeze swayed the trees and the grass so faintly that it couldn’t help but remind Minho of the day he and Jisung had danced similarly in that motion. 

It was a lovely evening, Minho had thought. 

It was neither cold, nor hot, nor so windy, nor so much as sweltering. It was a friendly kind of weather, where you want to make the most of it. 

“Hey! Are you even listening to me?” Hyunjin grumbled, upset and antsy to hear what his friend had to say. 

Minho took a quick glimpse at Hyunjin who had already been staring at him, Minho looked at the ground after the split quick moment of meeting Hyunjin’s gaze. Nervousness gets to him as he searches his mind to find a well-enough answer for his friend. “Erm…I don’t know, you’ll have to ask him that yourself. And, it hasn’t been a year, you’re over exaggerating,” Minho replies.

“I did ask him … ! I did, and you know what he did?” 

“What?” 

“He ignored me! Walked away, straight in my face..! He just…walked away. And you know what’s even more weird and hurtful about it? Is that he didn’t even apologize afterwards! The other time I tried approaching him again, but all he did was run away like the last time. Seriously , why is he avoiding me?” Hyunjin analyzes Minho’s face carefully, hoping he’ll get his answers in that sort of way. But when Minho doesn’t react, and just stays staring blankly at the air, shrugging his shoulders, Hyunjin points a finger at him. “You know something, don’t you? That’s why you’ve been hanging out with him more often than you’re hanging out with me, right?” 

A small sigh escapes Minho’s lips. “I hang out with the both of you equally,” the older reasons. 

“No, you don’t!” Hyunjin exclaims, not believing a word Minho said. 

“Well, I guess you’re right. I do spend more time with him— because you’re practically always with your other friends who I don’t know anything about, or you're with your girlfriend,” Minho explains as he notices the way Hyunjin was about to interrupt him, probably about to start another controversy that Minho had no effort or strength to want to argue about even though he knew he was the obvious winner to it. 

Hyunjin chuckled in irony, “You know Bangchan and Felix already!” he said. 

Minho screwed up his face at the sudden information he knew was wrong. “What? No, I don’t.” 

“Oh my god, did you forget already? They were the ones who invited us to that party in high school!” Hyunjin pointed out, in which Minho flinches. “It was our first ever party together and Jisung was all nervous and all,” Hyunjin went on. “And then I drank this red juice that didn't taste like juice. Ha, I bet it was alcohol now. Damn, Felix really knows how to throw a party, huh? I wonder why he doesn’t throw one now? I mean, we’re all grown up so a bit of liquor wouldn’t exactly hurt us anymore?” 

Minho stops in his tracks after realizing something.

Hyunjin turns around to look at the brunette head. “What is it? Why’d you stop?” 

Minho meets Hyunjin’s gaze. “You said you drank some juice?” 

Hyunjin chuckles, “obviously it wasn’t juice. It got me all screwed up, I don’t think I even know what I was doing. I still don’t know if I even embarrassed myself at that party or not. Though I don’t think so, I’m still as popular as ever…Why do you ask?” 

Minho thought back to when Hyunjin got drunk after they graduated high school. What he was like when he was drunk, what he does when he’s drunk, and his low alcohol tolerance.

So after all this time, was it just a drunken mistake? 

Did that mean Jisung didn’t know about it? Or, did he possibly already know, but pretended he didn’t?

Though knowing Jisung, he’s never been stupid to notice things. 

MARCH 1, 2024

Minho didn’t mind being alone. He felt that describing himself without the word “alone” would be a person who he wouldn’t recognize or even know. Minho liked to be alone. Not all the time though. Sometimes, his loneliness was too much for him to be able to handle all by himself. 

If someone liked being alone, there would always be a limit to it. No one ever really likes to be alone for a long time. Well, at least not Minho. 

It was a surprise when Jisung had suddenly suggested they’d go to Minho’s grandparents house in a small village, away from the crowds, the busy atmosphere in Seoul city. Escaping to give themselves a break, and a very pure trip. It was Spring, Minho’s favorite season. 

For the update, Jisung had not yet spoken to Hyunjin. Still a bit fazed, Jisung needed some time for himself. And though Jisung felt a bit foolish for ignoring Hyunjin for the past months, he still couldn’t face Hyunjin. Not when he still saw him holding someone else’s hand, not when he still walked through a hallway where he saw them all slobbing each other’s faces, and especially not when he saw them act like a normal couple. 

Jisung felt disgusted. With himself, and though as much as he didn’t say it, he felt sick to the stomach seeing Hyunjin together with her . 

Minho saw this all. They didn’t talk about it, but they felt it. The absence of Hyunjin, and the big empty space of their friendship slowly drifting apart. Minho didn’t know what to think, so he didn’t think about it as much as he first began doing. Minho decided to accurately let it all happen, not overthinking about anything anymore. 

It slowly became more comfortable looking at Jisung without feeling his heart sink. It might have to do with the different sort of weather, the season change. Cherry trees are blooming everywhere, and everyone is moving on to the change of weather. Spring was the sort of season where you thought nothing could possibly go wrong with it. In the night it was cold, and in the afternoons the beaming sun would hit you at most with its warmth. It was a season of exhilaration. Like a sigh of relief. 

Minho liked the warm touch of Spring. The sight of every little change. How everyone slowly begins casting out a pair of clothing little by little, the neutral soft colors Minho sees every so place he walks by, the rose-blush colored petals that came falling down the ground by the gentle tranquil gust of wind. The sky was more full of a lighter bland pastel blue, a few small white clouds pictured above, but it was more so of a clean flourished blue sky. 

Yes, Minho enjoyed the spring season. 

It somehow made him feel less lonely. It’s the season of awakening. It did just that to Minho. And although the cold weather made his feelings linger in dismay, Minho missed it. He knew he probably shouldn’t, and if he was missing those melancholic moments it wouldn’t really get him anywhere he knew would be for the best. Still, Minho felt comfort in those days.

Solitude always best suited him, he thought it always has. It was no different to what he always felt, but winter knew things about him than anyone else ever really knows. Winter hides things well for him, maybe that’s why Minho hasn’t found a good chance to escape from it. It’s only starting to get harder for Minho to know and look for what he’s hidden behind the winter season. 

Minho’s grandmother had passed away long before he’d been born, and his grandpa had gone to live with a new wife twelve years after his first love had died, so when they arrived at the house, it was quiet, empty and hollow. The place was still, like nothing has changed, like time had stopped living there, still and quiet as it’s always been, and will always continue to be. 

Jisung drops his bags on the floor, eyes scanning around the place. “Wow…It’s so…” 

“Dead? I know,” Minho says as he begins switching on the lights of the house. 

Jisung stares at Minho in annoyance. “I was going to say quiet,” Jisung corrected, a bit bothered. 

Minho shrugged his shoulders. “It’s sorta like the same thing, Jisung.” 

“No, it’s not,” Jisung is about to open his mouth again to define the complete differences of “dead” and “quiet,” but he pauses and watches as Minho turns around to lock their gazes together, an expression Jisung knows all-so-well. Jisung becomes quiet. “Never mind then,” he mumbles, grabbing his bags from the floor and entering the near bedroom right next to him. 

Minho continues to fix the house, to make it more like people were living there. He looked around the kitchen, seeing if there was anything to eat. He thought of some quick instant ramen noodles to make for the two, but there had been nothing of some “instant food.”

Right, what was he thinking? Everything that was ever cooked here was made from hand, there was no trace of “instant quick-simple, refrigerated food” around here. It’s been years since anyone has stepped foot in here. 

Minho shut the refrigerator doors close, walking towards the room Jisung had entered. Minho opens the door but doesn’t enter, he stays standing outside the bedroom with his hand on the doorknob. “Hey um, do you want me to go grab something to eat? There’s nothing to make around here.” 

Jisung is making his bed but turns around to look at his friend. “Sure, I don’t mind.” 

Minho does a small smile at the response before the corner of his lips return back to nothing. “Okay, but just so you know, I’ll be grabbing us some convenience store food since every other thing is closed right now. I hope that’s alright with you.” 

Jisung nods his head. “Yeah, that’s completely fine. I mean, it’s one in the morning so I’d understand that the stores would be all closed. Especially if we’re in a small village.” 

Minho hums quietly. “Yeah. Okay then. I’ll go get us something to eat.” He slides the door back close and quickly puts on his jacket and flip-flops to walk outside. 

It was quieter in the countryside, more peaceful and soothing than any other place Minho has ever gone to visit. The sun beams more than anything, the silence isn’t just silence alone, and the view of everything is entirely different from what Minho has been caught up seeing in the past years. It was a completely different dimension. 

Minho had called his mother last night, and they had talked about what was different about the house and what had last happened, along with what Minho needed to be careful of. Minho didn’t know much about his grandpa, just the fact that his house was now used as a family getaway vacation. Those who wanted to escape their problems, or their reality, or their dreams, there would be a place waiting for them right here. 

The morning after, Minho had woken up early to check around the house to see what he and Jisung would decide to do. There were bikes in the storage room, along with other furniture. Outside the yard there is one hen in a small box of its own house, at least he didn’t have to worry about buying any eggs. 

Minho returns back to the house, sliding the door open and taking his flip flops off before entering. Jisung is standing there with his white t-shirt and his shorts, rubbing his eyes as he says, “you’re here?” Still half asleep. 

Minho hums, “yeah.” 

“Oh, I thought you left,” Jisung mumbles, his voice rough around the edges, indicating he’s just barely waking up. 

Minho shakes his head as he makes his way to the kitchen. “No, I just went out to look around the place. There’s not much things, but I think we can manage for the next few days. I’ll go down town and buy some important main ingredients for the things we’ll need to make the food.” 

“Can I come along?” Jisung wonders. 

Minho nods his head. “Yeah, of course.” 

“Alright, I’m gonna go brush my teeth and change out of these clothes,” Jisung said as he turned around to enter back inside the room. “I’ll be out in a sec,” Jisung called out. 

Minho nods, watching as Jisung closes the door. Once Jisung is nowhere in sight, Minho turns around, heaving out a soft sigh. 

How will he be able to calm his heart when he’ll now be able to see Jisung’s bare morning face for the next five days? All alone? 

Minho was slipping again, and he couldn’t allow that to happen. He needed to find some sort of closure to this. Soon. 

“You’re grandma must’ve been a fortunate woman to have gotten to live in a small village like this in the countryside,” Jisung says as they walk back to the house side by side together after going to the market to buy a few ingredients and some chili pepper seeds they thought about planting together. 

Minho smiled at the thought, his head lowered to look at the ground, hoping to hide away his smile, though Jisung had caught it. “Yeah, I guess she was. Pity she died before I even got to know her. Everyone says she was a very generous, wonderful woman. I’m sure I would’ve missed her if I had gotten the chance to know who she was,” Minho clears his throat loudly after that, thinking that’s enough to talk about someone who wasn’t even here anymore. “But anyway, erm, so, I’ll be doing the cooking for the next few days so you don’t have to worry about anything. Just tell me what you wanna eat and I’ll make it.” 

Jisung smiles delicately. “Thanks. I’ll tell you if there’s anything.” 

“Good, ‘cause I’m excited to show you how absolutely delicious I am at cooking.” 

“Oh, I bet you are,” Jisung replies shortly. 

“We’re gonna have a nice peaceful break here,” Minho informs. “Just the two of us, in the countryside, enjoying life. No worries, no break-downs, just pure fun.” 

Jisung lets out a pleasing chuckle. “Well doesn’t that sound like fun?” 

“Yes! It will be,” Minho sincerely promised. “This trip will heal any sort of overwhelming feelings you have, k?”

“You really think so?” 

“I know so. Watch, the moment you’re back in Seoul, you’ll be missing this entire place.” 

Jisung shyly smiles after meeting Minho’s gaze. “Thanks. I hope what you’re saying is true.” 

Minho lets out a bubbly laugh. “Good, ‘cause we’re starting off with a race.” 

Jisung flinches. “What—?””

“Starting—” 

“Wait–” 

“Now!” Minho is making a run for it and, caught by surprise, Jisung runs after him a second too late. 

Jisung somehow ends up winning though, shouting out a “horay!” and lifting his arms up into the air as he watches Minho bend his knees as he catches up his breath. 

“Wait, wait, that wasn’t fair,” Minho pointed out. 

Jisung’s lips form into a wide smile, letting out a loud laugh. “Yeah, you’re right! You didn’t even give me a heads up!” 

“No, no, I mean– it wasn’t fair, ‘cause I was the only one holding the bag, you know,” Minho reasoned out, smiling at his own little deceiving analysis. 

Jisung huffs out a breath of air as he shakes his head. “Ha, yeah right. This whole race thing was just unfair.” 

“Yeah! Totally agree!” Minho exclaims as if he hadn’t been the one who thought of the idea. 

Jisung rolls his eyes back in a playful manner. “Whatever, let’s just go inside. You made me run for nothing,” Jisung pouted, “what was the big prize for this?” 

As the two walk to the yard of the house Minho thinks of something to return to Jisung. “Ah, I got,” he mumbles, grabbing the blonde’s attention. 

“What is it?” Jisung curiously wonders. 

Minho locks eyes with Jisung. “Food. Any kind of food you want,” Minho offers. 

Jisung looks away in disappointment. “That I already know. Anything more shocking?” 

“How about some soju?” Minho purposes. 

Jisung thinks for a moment, wanting to hear more of this simple plan. “Under the moonlight, near the river,” Minho adds, the only limit he could go to, running out of ideas. Jisung finally reacts though, his eyes wide open and a smile of shock. 

“Really?” Jisung questions in disbelief. 

Minho shrugs his shoulders. “Sure, why not?” 

“Deal. Let’s do that later.” 

“Perfect.”

The sun was dismissed, oblivion to the moonlight it missed. The river peaked at a lukewarm touch that still sent shivers down Jisung’s spine and shudders escaped his mouth. He wondered if this should even be considered as a reward. Minho was already in the water, but his reaction was nothing but a familiar feeling. He had done this so many times when he had come for a vacation with his family, it was an old feeling that managed to stick to him. 

Minho moved the glimmering water with his hand, his motion slow and peaceful. Everything was quiet besides the buzz sound coming from the cicadas bugs that hid in the trees surrounding the river. The streaming water that faintly played in their ears. Like said, silence in the countryside wasn’t just silence alone. Minho almost wanted to duck himself even more down to the river like how he used to when he was younger, but he knew Jisung wouldn’t like a completely drenched person sitting beside him drinking soju.

They stood there in the river for at least five seconds before Jisung could no longer stand it and he hoisted himself back on the grass. “Nope. Can’t do it. You win,” the blonde gives up as he grabs a good amount of his shirt and squeezes it tight so the water that his shirt had absorbed pours out. 

Minho’s lips pull into a delicate smile. “Looks like you’ll be making food tomorrow,” he said, still standing inside the shinning river water. 

Jisung rolls his eyes in a playful manner. “Alright then. But if I burn myself, you’re responsible.” 

Minho chuckles softly. “You won’t burn yourself,” he says as if Jisung’s imagination is out of it. 

Jisung returns back to the blanket they had spread down on the grass and begins opening the basket full of food and snacks to go along with their drink. “Why don’t you get out of the water and have a fine glass of soju with me?” Jisung begins pouring himself another cup of soju. 

Minho briefly then gets out the water to follow along Jisung, not wanting the younger to drink all by himself. 

Jisung chugged down his cup of soju before slamming it on the ground. “Ah~ So… good !” he happily exclaimed, already closing his eyes and rocking his body side to side. “Drink it, Minho! You’ll miss out.” 

Minho obediently pours himself his own soju and swallows it down in a brief second. The bitter taste makes him want to gag. He never liked drinking, but for Jisung, it’s an exception. 

“So, have you finally found a person?” Jisung begins, his soul most definitely just seconds away from giving out.  

Minho forms a small smile on his lips, before looking away from Jisung and shaking his head. “No,” he answers without a second to pass, opening a bag of chips and eating one. He rather likes to eat something if it means drinking soju. 

“No?? Why?? You’re so handsome though!? You’re insane for not letting yourself fall in love! Falling in love is great!” 

“Is it?” Minho's thoughts escape his mouth before he could even think conscientiously of his words. He realizes it’s too late to take it back now. 

Jisung’s entire face falls, and he doesn’t know what to say or even know if he can think about it. About love. Jisung slumps down, pouring himself another cup of soju. Minho licks his dry lips nervously, knowing he’d messed up. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You know I wasn’t talking about you–”

“No, you’re right… Love is just a fantasy.” 

“No, it’s not,” Minho whispers out, shaking his head, trying to believe his own words as he stares at Jisung with a look of unspoken love. Love wasn’t a fantasy, it just wasn’t easy. 

Jisung tugs at his drenched shirt, hoping to distract his thoughts when his eyes begin to swell with a discomfort of tears. Minho is filled with guilt as he watches Jisung slip away the tears that fall out his eyes. “I’m sorry,” Minho said, not wanting to have ruined what was supposed to be a fun night. 

Jisung heaved out a nervous chuckle. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just the soju,” he tried to lie, incapable of meeting Minho’s eyes. 

Minho sighs softly, before he pours himself another bottle of soju. Slugging down the sweet yet bitter taste of soju. Maybe he wasn’t yet drunk enough to break loose and be feeling exultant along with a hint of another emotion he hadn’t yet let himself feel. If he was going to drink with Jisung, he would drink until they’re in the same state of mind. That way, they would go down together. 

For the next five drinks that Minho has taken, Jisung remains silent. Staring off into the shining rays of light that are brushed onto the river of water. Jisung can't say any words to say out-loud, so all he can do is stare away with thoughts running through his mind.

Minho watches Jisung, memorizing him. 

The words Minho ever isn’t at all supposed to say threaten to slip out his mouth, and he must sustain himself, knowing it was just the alcoholic drink that was beginning to compel his obscured unsaid words of love. 

Minho pinched his skin, feeling his own consciousness drift away from him. 

This was enough now. 

Minho laid on the blanket to stare at the sky full of small shimmering lights that are known as stars, that weren’t shaped at all similar to a star. The sky was endless, Minho thought the sky was the same as the feelings he had for Jisung, the person beside him, that didn’t know anything. 

“I miss him,” Jisung broke the silence. “I miss Hyunjin…What do I do?” A quiet sob breaks out his throat. Minho quickly sits back up, looking at Jisung, noticing the now stream of tears rolling down his plumped rosy cheeks. Minho makes his way to sit beside Jisung, pulling him into a warm hug. 

“I want him to really notice me, Minho-hyung. I want him to look at me. I want him to like me. Why am I being like this? Oh, I’m so sorry, Minho-hyung. I really didn’t want to cry, I just wanted to be fine but I just—went ahead and ruined it, didn’t I?” Jisung hid his face into Minho’s shirt, his head beginning to ache. 

Minho quietly shushed him, soothing down Jisung’s words by caressing the back of his flushed neck. Both knew it was just the alcohol doing this, but unlike the alcohol, it didn’t feel meaningless. It didn’t feel like a mistake. 

Minho ran his fingers down Jisung’s soft skin, calming him down. Jisung gathers himself and his cries together, wrapping them around his body and tightening them with a string to prevent them from getting loose. He squeezes Minho’s arm, withdrawing away from him. Minho starred as Jisung took in a long drag of air, before his lips pulled into a small hesitant smile. Jisung’s eyes are filled with tears that he holds back, an unaware small glint in them that Minho could only notice. 

Minho slowly flickered Jisung's blonde locks away from his forehead. They stare into each other for an insignificant moment of quiet, not saying one word unless said in the look in their eyes. Minho feels himself begin to slip deeply into Jisung’s gaze, and he can no longer continue to do it if not meant to be able to kiss him. 

“There are snails hiding in this river, would you want to find some with me?” Minho said after finally finding his voice. 

Jisung’s head tilts. “Snails?” 

“Yeah. Let’s try to find some to distract our minds, hmm?” Minho begins to stand up already, not waiting for an answer. 

Skeptically, Jisung stood up as well, following behind Minho. 

Minho’s already inside the water, so when he turns around, Jisung is standing there in worry. Minho extends out his hand. “C’mon, it’s water. There’s no harm done. It’ll be fun. And, healing.” 

Jisung hesitated to trust Minho’s words, but he finds himself reaching out for Minho’s hand without even realizing it. He’s inside the water the next second, and Minho carefully guides him. 

The shallow, lonely bright moon accompanies their time together. 

Minho wakes up to find Jisung making breakfast for the two. He’s cooking french toast with scrambled eggs on top with a side of fresh fruits. Jisung turns around when he feels a sudden presence behind him. “You’re awake! Look, I’m making breakfast. You know, ‘cause of the deal from yesterday.”

Minho’s brows raise in amusement. “I figured you’d forget that.” 

Jisung chuckles lightly. “Just because my alcohol tolerance is low doesn’t mean I forget certain things,” he pauses, seeming to be thinking of something. “And, I’m sorry. For suddenly crying last night.”

Minho waves it off with a hand. “It’s fine. You don’t have to be sorry for crying, it’s human nature.” 

A small smile forms on Jisung’s lips. “Yeah, I suppose. But still, that was very… unkind of me. It was supposed to be a fun night, but I yapped on about Hyunjin. So rude of me,” the blonde mumbles embarrassingly. 

Minho shrugs his shoulders and begins to walk to the other side of the kitchen to grab himself a cup of water. “It’s completely fine, Jisung. As long as you’re feeling better now. Are you feeling better now?” Minho doesn’t forget to ask. 

Jisung hums. “Fresh out of the oven,” he reassured. 

Minho chuckles at the lad’s response. “Good to hear then. Do you need any help?” 

Jisung shakes his head as he flips the bread that was on the pan. “No. All good. You can go ahead and get dressed while I finish this up.”

“Alright, I’ll go get dressed,” Minho is about to walk away but he stops and turns back around to face Jisung, remembering something. “Hey, you wanna go somewhere today?” 

Jisung cracks out a chuckle. “I mean, we can’t just stay in here while there's so many things to do out there.”  

Minho nods his head, getting his answer. “Okay, I know a place we can go.” 

Jisung beams, “great!” 

The sun is full of light for the day, Minho and Jisung try to take all of it with them as they rode down the peaceful road of the village. Minho continued to peddle on the bike as he glanced back to see how Jisung was doing. “Feeling great?” Minho called out with a grin on his face. 

Jisung huffed out some air. “This is great!” Jisung responded despite the lack of his knees wanting to give up from pedaling for so long. He wasn’t much of an exercise kind of guy, he did it mostly when someone invited him along or when he was just genuinely bored out of his mind. It was rare for him to be found in a gym. 

“C’mon, just a few miles away!” Minho beamed, going even faster than before. 

Jisung tried not to let out a groan as he muttered under his breath “a few miles?!” in a panic. 

Minho was lying when he said “miles,” because they arrive at their destination five minutes then, Jisung should’ve known. Minho leads them into the forest, Jisung follows behind him cautiously. “Are you sure we’re allowed to be here?” Jisung questioned, taking notice of how abandoned and empty the forest began looking. 

Minho glanced back, to look at Jisung, holding back a mischievous smile. “I never said anything about being sure,” Minho responds, before he starts to walk a little more faster than before. 

Jisung tries to catch up with him. “Hey, slow down,” he called out. 

Minho smiles to himself. “Better catch up quick, or else your guide will leave you behind,” Minho only said in response. 

Jisung let out an arrogant chuckle. “You wouldn’t do that.” 

Minho heaves out a dreadful sigh. “Ah, you spoke too soon.” 

“What—?” Jisung is caught off guard when Minho suddenly begins to run away from him. Jisung is running behind him in instant, not wanting to lose Minho in these what felt like almost endless woods. 

A bubbly laugh falls out of Minho’s lips as he continues to run away from Jisung. Jisung begins to whine from behind. “Hey! Stop it now! We just biked for the past thirty minutes, I can’t stand this much work!” 

Minho lets out another yet evil laugh. “It was twenty minutes! Stop over exaggerating!” 

“I can’t help it! Being extra is more fun than being—” Jisung’s voice halts when he crashes into Minho’s brawny body. 

“Tada~ We’re here!” Minho beams as he brings Jisung forward to him. 

A free open grass hill with a view of other homes built in the far end. There was nothing but grass, and an open skyline, most would say it was simple and boring, yet Jisung saw more than just that. Jisung saw the beauty that many other people always seemed to miss.

Jisung slowly began to walk down the hill, before his feet took control and he started running down the hill. Minho catches up behind him, grabbing his waist to prevent the blonde from stumbling to the floor. “You’re gonna fall if you run like that,” Minho said, his hands fall right back to his sides once they’re now standing in front of each other. 

“It’s not my fault, my balance was not balancing right,” Jisung explained, very precisely. 

Minho let out an amusing chuckle. “Balancing and not balancing? Never heard something like that before,” Minho teased, a playful grin placed on his lips. 

Jisung playfully punched Minho’s chest. “Okay, so my grammar isn’t at all very good, but you gotta give me credit here. It made perfect sense,” Jisung said, playing it cool and continuing down the hill. 

Minho follows behind him. 

“Why’d you bring me here anyway? There isn’t exactly much to do here,” Jisung informed, halting his steps and deciding not to waste his energy on walking on the oblivion. 

Minho stands beside him, hands in his pockets. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Minho admired. 

Jisung stared at the view in front of him. The way a trail of birds fly by, gawking down at them, the golden hue rays of sunlight looks as if they were polished by an artist who faintly trailed his brush down the canvas. Jisung admired it as well. 

Jisung lets a few seconds pass by, before he lightly pushes Minho, causing the older to stumble to the ground. Jisung can’t help the loud laugh that escapes his lips, proud that his plan had worked. He’s too occupied laughing hysterically that he doesn’t notice Minho who suddenly grabs Jisung’s slender hand to drag him down as well, collapsing back on the ground together. Jisung’s laughter dies and it’s now Minho’s turn to laugh. 

Jisung is now on top of Minho with a horrified expression as he didn’t expect that to happen at all. Minho stares at the blonde, still laughing maniacally. Jisung licks his lips, about to argue what was that about, and why he had done it, but he deceives against it and instead decides to just enjoy the moment. Pulling his lips into a tender smile as he cherishes Minho’s laughter, resting his head on Minho’s chest, melting into him. 

Minho held onto Jisung’s body as he looked at the sky, watching as clouds slowly passed by them and then suddenly disappeared. He couldn’t help but think if maybe one day, his feelings for Jisung would end up the same.

“You can’t be loved…by everyone, as you can’t love…everyone,” the delicate voice whispered into the lonely space around him. The leaves that rustled because of the light wind was the only sort of response ever given to Minho as he read out-loud the book in his hands, “I’ll Just Take A Break Today” by Son Him-Chan.

Minho laid on the open field with slightly-tall crops of grass surrounding his comfort. His sweatshirt under him was the only thing that could help him not to be bothered by the itchy grass. Not that he minded the grass, knowing all he needed to do was shower once he’s returned back to the house. 

It was six in the morning, the sun had already been awake just like Minho had been the past hour. Only now, it was starting to reflect more of its presence. The quote he had said has caused Minho to stop his reading and instead put his book on top of his face as he thought back to Jisung. 

Jisung

Han Jisung. 

The only person out of the entire world who truly knows and understands Minho. Jisung, the person Minho can never find himself wanting or even thinking of replacing. Jisung, the person he’s been in love with ever since day one. Jisung, the only person he can find comfort with. Jisung, the only person that can enter his world without needing to ask about anything unusual. 

Jisung, the boy who dyed his brown locks blonde because Hwang Hyunjin said he was attracted to blondes. Jisung, the boy who took most care of Minho because he knew no one else did. Jisung, who would never want to lose Minho.

Jisung, the boy who let his drunk crush kiss him even though the other wasn’t thinking straight. Jisung, the boy who was most likely currently sleeping in a bed that wasn’t his. Jisung, the person who feels safe to always choose Minho because he knows he can’t see them being more than just friends. 

Han Jisung, who is in love with somebody who wasn’t him. 

Minho closed his eyes, letting his thoughts tire him out until he can no longer withstand them. The book in his hands is completely forgotten then. 

Minho enters the house yard and the door where they enter is wide open, which is how Minho notices Jisung sitting on the floor, peeling what looks to be sweet potatoes. Jisung isn’t alone though, Minho’s aunt is sitting across from him. Minho flinches, taken by surprise to see one of his relatives hanging around with Jisung. 

Minho’s aunt turns her head to the side to see Minho pause his steps. She waves a hand in the air. “Hey! Minho! C’mere and introduce me to your friend whom I haven’t seen in such a long time!” She calls out. 

Minho softly lets out a sigh as he forces himself to continue walking forward. Jisung sends him a weary smile, and seems to be glad he is back. Minho puts his book and sweater on the floor beside the small table before he makes his way to sit beside Jisung and his aunt. 

“Hello, auntie. Such a long time I’ve seen you,” Minho greets. 

His aunt gives him a slap on his shoulder. “I should be the one saying that, you know,” she says. “Your mother told me you were here. I visited the house but no one was there. I thought you guys left already, but then I saw that some chili peppers were planted. I thought oh! They haven’t gone just yet!” The smile on her face brings a smile on Jisung’s face as well. 

Jisung always liked hearing old people talk. 

Minho attempts to let out a chuckle. “Oh…I see,” he mumbles. 

“How long are you staying?” she asks. 

“We’re leaving tomorrow actually,” Minho admits.

His aunt frowns sadly. “Already? Why don’t you two stay for a bit more? I just got to catch up with you today.” 

“Sorry Auntie. Jisung has some things going on back in Seoul so…We really have to go. Though, I’m sure we’ll be back.” 

“Yeah, we’ll be back soon,” Jisung added. “Summer. I’m sure we’ll be back in Summer.”

Minho cocked up a brow at this sudden news. He didn’t know that. 

Minho’s aunt seems to be very glad to hear this, as she claps her hands excitedly. “Oh, how great! Don’t forget to bring your other friend, hmm? I know there were two of you…A very shy one, and a crazy one!” She laughs again, but Jisung doesn’t laugh with her this time. Minho observes Jisung, the way his features slowly wither, the same way they do when he’s about to go into thinking about something. 

“Auntie, are you peeling that for me?” Minho suddenly says, wanting to change the topic of discussion. 

“What? For you? What sort of nonsense—” Her words are cut off when Minho abruptly snatches a bite out of the sweet potato. The action surely works because Jisung snaps out of his thoughts and watches the scene play out with a now amusing smile on his face. 

“Hey! Why’d you do that?! That was mine!” His aunt whined in utter dejection. 

Minho’s lips grow into a wide grin. “Oops. Sorry.” 

His aunt throws a playful punch at him and she begins to scold Minho. Jisung stares in appalled, and when he can no longer surpass his laugh. He hides his face with his hands and laughs at the sudden events before. 

Upon hearing Jisung’s laugh, Minho felt better.  

MARCH 17, 2024

Jisung has returned to talking with Hyunjin. Minho didn’t know when it started, but he was sure it was right after they returned from their trip. Jisung still hung out with Minho, and Minho could notice an immediate shift from the blonde. He was more smiley than before, he had more energy to do more things, and above all, he looked happier. Minho was glad to see that, even though he knew things would be going back to how they used to be. Jisung will be happy again, with Hyunjin by his side, and Minho will just be glad to be near them. 

They haven’t all seen one another at the same time. Jisung is just slightly talking more to Hyunjin, whenever he’s alone that is. Hyunjin is still dating his girlfriend. And Jisung is slowly accepting that. Whenever she isn’t in sight, Jisung freely converses with Hyunjin until his girlfriend shows up. Once she’s beside Hyunjin, Jisung returns back to Minho. 

“Things are gonna return to how they used to be soon, Minho,” Jisung said as they walked around campus with no destination at all. Jisung had finished all his classes and Minho had turned in his research paper to his professor, they ran into each other and began a conversation like any other day. 

“I know it is! I can see it! Hyunjin says he’s getting more annoyed with his relationship with her. He says she’s too much for him to be able to handle. By the looks of it, I’m sure they’ll end up breaking up precisely in the next two days,” Jisung noted, tightening his hold on Minho’s arm as he can’t help but feel excited. 

Minho lets out an amusing chuckle. “Gee, Jisung. You’re a bad person for saying this aloud,” Minho teased. 

Jisung’s lips break into a wide smile. “Hey, I’m sure any other person who was in the same situation as me would feel the same…! There’s nothing wrong with being a little selfish, you know..” 

Not me. 

Minho had said to himself. 

I wouldn’t ever want to do something like that to you. 

“Anyway, he said he missed me too,” Jisung mumbled, a little embarrassed and shy about it, his face flushes a rosy petal pink. 

Minho can’t help the fond smile forming on his lips. “My god, Jisung. You gotta tell me this too?” Minho playfully said even though his heart stinged a bit. 

Jisung hides his face with Minho’s arm that they intertwined together. “Sorry…” Jisung murmurs, flustered. 

Minho heaves out a quiet sigh. “I’m just playing with you. I’m really glad you’re feeling better, Ji.” 

At this, Jisung lifts up his head enthusiastically and beams at Minho, halting his steps. “Really? Do I look different to you?” 

Minho chuckles faintly. “Yeah, you look really great. Happier. Livelier. That’s good. I really hope everything works out between you and Hyunjin,” Minho truly meant to say. 

Jisung frowns a little, but then his lips pull into a soft smile. “Aw, thank you, Minho. I hope everything works out with you and whoever you fall in love with!” Jisung beams, holding their arms tightly together, continuing walking. 

Minho stares down at the blonde who knows nothing about the person who he’s always loved. Minho didn't say anything as they continued walking to nowhere in particular, as long as it meant staying together. 

MAY 8, 2024

“Let’s go shopping for Summer clothes!” 

“No, let’s go to a party,” Hyunjin suggested, though only to tease the blonde. 

Jisung playfully slapped Hyunjin’s shoulder, in which Hyunjin falls backwards exaggeratedly, making Minho let out a fond laugh at witnessing the scene. 

“We’re not doing that again,” Jisung strictly said as he eyed the two. 

“I was just kidding with you, Jisung. Why’d you have to hit me?” Hyunjin whined in a sad heart-broken voice.   

Jisung shrugged his shoulders. “I know you were just playing around. But I just wanted to hit.” 

Hyunjin lets out a dramatic gasp, covering his mouth with his hand and his terrified eyes growing big as he glances to look at Minho. “The devil is here,” Hyunjin whispered, in which Minho breaks out another amusing laugh. 

“Hey!” Jisung yelled out, his voice sounding a bit hurt. 

“Kidding!” Hyunjin quickly added. “I was just kidding,” he mumbled. 

“Don’t do it anymore. I’m serious here! We should definitely go shopping.” 

Hyunjin heaves out a sigh. “One of these days, you’re gonna make me go poor, Jisungie,” Hyunjin commented. 

“I said stop fooling around!” 

“That wasn’t me fooling around, I was seriously being serious,” Hyunjin deadpanned. Jisung goes silent, rethinking what to say now. But then Hyunjin bursts into laughter and Jisung flinches, realizing he was just fooled. 

“I am seriously gonna hit you so hard right now,” Jisung sympathized.

Hyunjin quickly protects his head. “Sorry sorry sorry! I won’t do it again!” Hyunjin exclaimed, waiting for an impact that didn't come. Slowly, Hyunjin opens his eyes and looks at Jisung. The blonde is patiently sitting there, waiting till hear a sincere apology. 

Hyunjin sits straight and locks eyes with Jisung. “Okay, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,” Hyunjin sounds serious when he says this, and Jisung can’t help but roll his eyes back in a playful manner. 

“Whatever, let’s just—move on from the conversation,” Jisung glances to his side, meeting Minho’s gaze. “What do you guys wanna do for summer vacation?” Jisung questions. 

Minho shrugs his shoulders. “I’m fine with anything.” 

“Let’s go overseas! Let’s go to America, or London!” Hyunjin suggested. 

Jisung purses his lips as he thinks about another thing to do. “Hmm…What about…Oh! Minho’s grandpa’s house! We could go there!” Jisung reminded. 

Hyunjin’s brows furrowed. “Minho’s grandpa’s house? What?” 

“Yeah! We went there last time! It was nice. It’s quiet and calming,” Jisung said, beaming at the thought already. “We even told your aunt we’d go back in summer,” Jisung added, reminding Minho. 

Minho’s eyebrows raise as he lets out a “oh” sound from the realization. Hyunjin, who was still confused even so, says, “okay, so we’ll go there.” 

Minho hums quietly. “Sounds good.” 

“Oh, how great!” Jisung brightly says, already looking forward to it. 

Everything has gone back to normal, just like Jisung said and how Minho predicted it. 

Hyunjin had broken up with his girlfriend, and he was back now. Jisung and him have gotten more closer than ever before. And it seems like they’ve finally had a serious real talk about how they felt towards each other. Hyunjin is now different when he’s around Jisung. He’s aware of how Jisung feels now, so he’s changed. He takes more care of Jisung, and his attention is nowhere else but on Jisung. 

It is clear to say, Hyunjin is beginning to fall in love with Jisung in the same way. 

Minho notices the difference. He notices everything just like how he always did. 

Minho is nevertheless very glad everything is now working out for Jisung. 

“Oh, and, can I invite someone along?” Hyunjin asks. 

Jisung flinches, before he slowly nods his head. “Who?” 

“Felix,” Hyunjin without a beat answers. The two turn to look at Minho who doesn’t seem to have reacted to the sudden name. 

Minho confusedly stares at the two. “What?” he mumbles, dazed. 

Jisung’s lips turn into a grin, and Hyunjin smirks. “What do you say?” Hyunjin questions. 

Minho shrugs his shoulders. “Okay? Fine by me,” he replies, still a bit confused as to why they were all of a sudden staring at him. 

Jisung looks away first, a smile tugs at his lips. “Perfect! Felix is gratefully glad to join us!” 

Minho only then realizes why he suddenly had their full attention upon the sudden mention of Felix. Minho holds back a smile as he shakes his head fondly. 

Lee Felix was a friend of Hyunjin. Minho and Jisung didn’t know he was one of the boys who had thrown the party they went to for the first time. They only knew about his existence just last month when Hyunjin had finally and properly introduced them to him. Along the way, as they began to hang out with Felix, Minho and him had become fairly close. 

Minho wasn’t very comfortable letting that happen, letting a new person get to know him. But he figured he might as well, because he knew Jisung won’t forever be by his side. In one way or another, Minho needed to move forward. He knew this too. 

It pained him at first, letting someone new slowly enter his heart, knowing Han Jisung will never be able to return back in. It terrified Minho, knowing how someone else was beginning to make him slip through puddles of rain, nearly falling. It terrified Minho, knowing how everything was finally gonna change. And that Han Jisung, will forever be his first love, but never the last. 

Jisung had always been in love with Hwang Hyunjin, he was never gonna be able to fall in love with somebody else. Jisung was Minho’s first love, but, Hyunjin is Jisung’s first, and last love. Because they had their happy ending, and Minho had to find himself another. 

It was painful, not knowing when or even if, Minho would ever find himself another. But he did. It was slowly happening. Minho was moving forward, not moving on, moving forward without Han Jisung being his last forever love. 

Even so, though Jisung couldn’t be in his heart forever, he’ll always be in his mind. In his bones, in his veins, and in his emotions that have helped Minho feel once again. 

Even though they never got their happy ending, at least they understood each other in no other way than no one else could, or even try to do. 

They weren’t together, but they were meant to be for each other. Whether it be just as friends, at least they knew where to go in the end of it all. 

“Hey, Minho is wearing our bracelet!” Jisung exclaimed as he took notice of the charm on Minho’s wrist. 

“Yeah, Dori found it for me.” 

“Aigo, how sweet! I’ll wear mine once I get home,” Jisung informed, as he glanced to look at the silent one. “What about you, Hyunjin? Where’s yours?” 

Hyunjin becomes quiet as he tries to avoid Jisung’s question. 

Jisung’s eyes grow big.“Don’t tell me you sold it?!” 

“What! No way! I would never do that!! I just, it’s at home. I saved it in one of my lucky sweaters.” 

“Why’d you stop wearing it?” Jisung questions. 

Hyunjin throws up his hands in defense before pointing a finger at Minho who was about to take a bite out of his food. “He’s the first one who stopped wearing it!” 

“So you stopped wearing it?” Jisung questioned in amusement. 

“Hey, I stopped wearing it cause I lost it,” Minho implied. “If I hadn’t then I wouldn’t have ever taken it off,” Minho added calmly. 

“Why’d you stop wearing it then?” Hyunjin questioned at Jisung. 

Baffled at the sudden attention Jisung has received, he flusteredly looks away from the two. “Me? Well…You guys just stopped wearing it so I felt foolish for still wearing mine so I safely put it away,” Jisung explained. 

“See! I’m not the only one that stopped wearing it!” Hyunjin exclaimed. 

Jisung rolled his eyes in annoyance from the sudden chaos. “Alright, then! We’ll all continue wearing it starting today…!” Jisung informed, “And don’t be embarrassed to wear it.” 

Hyunjin chuckled. “I was never embarrassed to wear it,” he mumbled. 

Jisung makes a loud gasp of horror. “I was never embarrassed to wear it either!” 

“Are you sure?” Hyunjin teased. 

“I am sure!” 

Minho, who silently watched them, felt a sudden wave of emotions after suddenly realizing how fortunate he was to know them. 

At least he got a life with them. 

With his best friend Hwang Hyunjin. 

And with his first love, Han Jisung.