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Chapter Text

"I love you, Finn.”

It was the day before the Divine Visionary Exam, in their shared room that they both could call their second home by now. Mash told him that he wanted to talk and Finn expected that he just wanted to feel supported. That he needed someone to tell him he would definitely make it to the end, that he just wanted to be in the company of his friend...

He definitely didn't expect this.

Mash looked so… normal when he said it, like he was greeting Finn rather than confessing his love for him.

It didn't seem real, but Finn's pounding heart told him it really was.

“Huh… h-huh?”

"Is love too strong of a word? Let me try something different...  I like you a lot, Finn…”

“Y-you don't have to correct yourself, Mash…”

Finn must have looked like an idiot, his hands pressing down on his cloak and his cheeks only getting more red as his mind replayed Mash's words.

Why now...

Why…

"I really wanted to tell you."

He was glad he told him as Finn would probably never notice it himself despite hiding the same feelings for Mash. Both of them were so stubborn... but Finn still found his way to Mash, he was the closest person in his life right now and before he realised, Finn wanted to be even closer to him.

He actually thought he was bothering Mash. It felt good to hear he was wrong.

"I'm sorry. I probably made the situation uncomfortable."

Taking a good look at him again, he saw that Mash had his palms behind his back as they were immensely shaking.

He was afraid of losing Finn.

“I…n-no, I'm not uncomfortable, Mash…It's just too much for me right now, and you tell me out of the blue that you…love me…”

“Oh… you need time.”

He didn't know how Mash could understand him so well but he nodded at him with a smile, placing a hand on his chest to try to calm his crazy heart down. He really didn't want to die of a heart attack right now.

“Y-yes, just a little time… And then I'll tell you those words back.”  

This visibly nullified any nervousness Mash was feeling and Finn also suddenly felt much braver. Tomorrow, he will collect himself and answer Mash, it was not polite to keep him waiting.

And what's the worst that could happen?

***

All he could feel was Mash's future, which he now pressed hard in his palm in the form of a crystal as he tried to calm his breathing. He knew his leg was bleeding pretty badly, that he couldn't even move it but as it felt numb, it was not the biggest problem for Finn right now.

He had to get out of here. He had to protect the crystal. He had to make Mash happy.

He had to tell him he loved him.

Steps. He was getting closer again and as much as Finn tried to do anything, he experienced a new, excruciating wave of pain as his wound was stepped on, again and again. His throat was so dry, it hurt to scream, it hurt to feel, everything hurt…

What did he think he could even do?

He deserved this. He deserved more stab wounds that went through his body, chest and his other, still uninjured leg, even though the knife didn't touch him at all. He deserved the other cuts that were inflicted on him, he deserved to stay on the ground where he belonged.

One thought of Mash was enough for him. That even if he didn't give up right now, it wasn't enough.

"I will show you that all your efforts are in vain..."

And then, out of nowhere he was choking, fresh blood started to flow from his throat and he felt his head spinning. Finn was slowly losing consciousness and even though he squeezed the crystal tighter, the hand did not listen to him and on the contrary, the grip began to loosen.

No, he had to wait for Mash, he would surely come for him, like always…

But his opponent's knife only dug deeper into his skin, letting more and more blood flow, and Finn had perhaps never felt such horror, such cold before.

He was so useless…

But suddenly he felt nothing. He just lay there, the crystal resting on his open palm, as he heard the blows and the conversations, saw the quick movements and the pained scream.

And then he finally felt. Someone was touching his face, someone was sitting next to him, someone was pulling him into their lap and now, someone was talking to him.

"-nn… Finn, I'm here."

It was Mash. Of course it was Mash. Was there ever a moment when he didn't come for Finn?

It only made Finn love him even more.

Why did he have to keep him waiting? That wasn't fair to Mash at all. Was he nervous? Was he afraid Finn would eventually change his mind and tell him he didn't feel the same way about him? Was Finn afraid that Mash would be the one to change his mind?

"-an you get up?"

He definitely couldn't, Finn wasn't even able to feel his fingers let alone his toes and the only thing he could perceive was the heat emanating from his roommate's body.

He suddenly wondered if his brother had been watching all of this from afar. If he was ashamed of him.

“Mash…” He wanted to say more, much more, but blood began to flow from his mouth again and every next breath felt like he was stabbed again.

Will he… die here?

“Don't talk, Finn, I'll get you to safety.  Don't fall asleep, okay?”

“N-no, Mash, I…”

It might have hurt, but the thought of never telling Mash was so much worse.

Finn needed Mash to know he was loved.

He wanted to touch Mash's face, just like he did when he found Finn, but he didn't find enough strength and his palm ended up on Mash's defined chest. Even in such a situation, he was very well aware that all the students were watching them, probably expecting Finn to die, thinking he deserved it, that he was too weak and presumptuous, that Rayne Ames should be embarrassed of the fact they were even relatives.

If he were to get together with Mash, what would they think? Two losers, one without hope and the other without magic.

"I have to tell you, I have to..."

“If it helps you stay awake, tell me anything you want. I'm picking you up." Mash put one hand under his knees and accidentally touched the few cuts that had been inflicted on Finn, causing him to hiss in pain again and loosen his grip on Mash's shirt, now covered in blood. Maybe he was imagining it, but he heard a short 'sorry' being whispered and watched with a spinning head as Mash tried to find the best way to get Finn somewhere without hurting him more.

How sweet…

“I love you… Mash, sorry for making you wait, I want to be with you so much…”

It wasn't until that moment, when he watched Finn bleed in his arms and whisper the words he wanted to hear so badly, that Mash fully realized how serious the situation was.

Mash himself bled and fought often and was always fine, but Finn wasn't like that. Finn was smaller than him, thin and easy to target. Streams of red were now coming from his mouth and all his clothes were soaked in his own blood, he was still barely holding the crystal that kept their team alive in his fingers and despite how much pain Finn was in, he still wouldn't let go.

Finn knew it was fragile and Mash had to realize that so was the boy in his arms who could easily bleed to death in here.

His pulse was weak and when he saw that Finn's eyes had suddenly closed, Mash gave him a gentle shake. No reaction, he was no longer conscious and the boy held him closer to his chest.

His own heart was pounding so hard it hurt, the thought that Finn could die at any moment filled his mind and he decided he had to act immediately.

No, he will save him. Just like now he was saving his father's happiness up until now.

He didn't care that the exam wasn't over yet, he ran as fast as he could to the exit with Finn in his arms while watching the reflection of the crystal that now lay in Finn's lap.

The crystal that made Finn so easy to hurt. Was it even worth it at this point?

As he approached the exit, he heard the information about this part of the exam ending in the background but that was the last thing on his mind at that moment. The door opened in front of him and when light hit his eyes, he ran into the middle and the cheering stopped as soon as people noticed that Finn wasn't moving at all in Mash's arms.

'Is he dead?'

That was what Mash heard around him as he pulled Finn even closer to his chest. A pulse but weak, dangerously weak, and the only attention Mash was asking for now was that of the headmaster.

“He needs help.”

He didn't have to shout, with his voice being loud enough for now, and he saw Wahlberg about to step into the situation. But he was stopped by the man next to him, someone Mash remembered very well. Kaldo gestured with his arm for the headmaster to remain seated and stepped forward himself to handle the situation.

"Help? This is the Divine Visionary Exam, he knew what awaited him and that participating is a big risk.”

And then Mash noticed a second person standing by the headmaster, one who had visibly wanted to leave before, but had also finally stepped forward to take a good look at the situation.

Rayne stared but didn't say a word.

"I don't care. He needs help.”

He heard how the students began to whisper among themselves now, most likely deciding for themselves what they should do in such a situation, but Kaldo did not want to allow it. Even in Rayne's presence, he didn't hold back and stood his ground.

“This exam is professional, we can't waste our time helping those who aren't worth it, can we?”

With these words, he turned directly to Finn's brother, but the other Divine Visionary ignored him and continued to watch the situation in front of him in silence. In fact, he was watching the whole time, moments where Finn experienced one stab wound after another were still playing before his eyes and he had enough.

Yet he still had to act as a professional.

“Lots of others are injured too, and probably dead!” Interrupted Dot, who at that moment also managed to get out and one look at Finn was enough for him to know what Mash was trying to fight for here.

He was also watching Lemon, hands over her mouth and tears in her eyes, and feeling an overwhelming desire to help, of course.

It didn't take long before Lance also stood next to them, the other students who passed the part of the exam also came back but wanted nothing to do with them and so gave their attention to something else. They knew what Mash was trying to do and they didn't like the idea of postponing the exam one bit.

At that moment, Mash's eyes began to burn holes into Rayne. He was his best hope for resolving this.

“You're his brother. Are you going to let him die?”

"Die…?"

Rayne was obviously shocked when he heard that from Mash, probably also not realizing that his brother's life was in mortal danger, and he clenched his hands into fists. He turned to the Headmaster in despair, but Wahlberg held up a hand to stop him before he could say anything. Standing up himself, he took a few steps forward and gave Mash his full attention.

"It is true that this year's exam claimed many more victims than we are used to. If the boy is still alive, take care of him as well as others who need it. The Divine Visionary exam is hereby postponed.”

Groans and sighs of relief all rang out as several more wizards filled the arena, heading towards anyone who had been injured and still remained within the previous battlefield. One of them immediately got to Mash, he wanted to grab Finn from him to take him away, but Mash was not going to let him go now. At any cost.

"I'm going too."

The other wizard definitely didn't want to argue with him, not when Mash looked so terrifying, so he let him follow with Finn in his arms as the watching students also started to leave the battlefield in disappointment.

Dot and Lance stood still, perhaps in shock that their friend could lose his life, and the red haired boy nervously asked a question that was now visibly weighing on both of them.

"Do you... think Finn will be okay?"

“I'm not sure… But I've never seen Mash this upset before.”

 ***

“Are you going to… stay here all day, Mash?”

The room had been quiet until now but Mash knew that Lemon had been standing there with him for at least ten minutes before she dared to speak. He was glad to be told that Finn would be lying in a comfortable room so that his treatment would go better, but he still felt like he was suffocating in here.

Finn wasn't conscious, but he would surely have thought the same thing.

"Yes."

He had been sitting here for a few hours by now, ever since Finn had been brought here, and he hadn't moved while a lot of other people visited the room. Even Lemon couldn't convince him to rest alone for a while.

None of them had any idea what was going on.

"I brought you… cream puffs…"

She told him the same thing ten minutes ago as well but Mash didn't even look at them. The whole time, his eyes were on Finn lying on the bed, eyes closed and light clothing revealing the now treated cuts all over his body.

He was so pale...

"Aren't you tired?"

“Not one bit.”

She was frustrated that she couldn't hold a conversation with him, that Mash was so stiff out of nowhere. Of course she was also worried about Finn, he was her dear friend, but she couldn't stay here long enough either. Watching Finn's poor state only made it worse for her and the witch who was taking care of him had told them all that Finn would be fine, that he just needed a few days to rest.

She hoped she wasn't wrong but it seemed like Mash still thought he was in danger.

Lemon knew the look Mash was giving Finn. It often resembled hers whenever she devoted the strong boy her attention.

"Will you at least eat the cream puffs I brought you? You'll feel better, I think…”

"I planned to eat cream puffs with Finn to celebrate after the exam… I'll wait until he wakes up."

But according to the witch, that could take a long time.

"But he would certainly like you to have them now and to not get hungry, wouldn't you think?"

He thought about it for a moment, but then nodded in defeat and took the plate from Lemon to finally start eating one. He knew she was right, just sitting and watching wasn't helping Finn anyway, and he wouldn't be happy if he found out that he was worrying Mash this much.

He just hoped that at least his presence brought Finn joy, wherever his mind was.

"Are you in love with Finn, by any chance?"

Perhaps for the first time during her visit, Mash looked her in the face but after a few seconds, she turned red and lowered her head while thinking about what had possessed her to say that.

“S-sorry, that came out of nowhere, didn't it? Don't mind me, I'll leave Finn to you but don't forget to at least get some sleep.”

He didn't even notice that it was already evening when the girl left the room.

***

He was slowly falling asleep in his chair when the door suddenly opened and someone entered the room. Mash quickly sat up straight and turned towards them, perhaps ready to punch someone, but lowered his fists when he recognized the silhouette as a Divine Visionary.

"What are you doing here?"

Rayne looked caught in the act as he asked Mash the question, but Mash himself wasn't really surprised to see him here. After all, it was his brother, it would hurt more if he didn't show up at all.

But he came in the dark, as if he was ashamed to be here.

"I'm looking after Finn." 

"Then stop. I think you've done enough.”

Mash didn't like that tone, he saw Rayne walk forward to get next to his brother's bed and watch him too, showing no sign of emotion.

He was suppressing them all, Mash could tell. 

"But I don't want to stop. Finn needs looking after."

That only seemed to make Rayne more angry. He couldn't tear his eyes away from his brother, from how his smile, his fear, were gone, and there was only… nothing left.

“You have to leave, Mash.”

"But I don't want to. I love him."

"Excuse me?"

Mash didn't know what kind of reaction he was expecting, and he didn't really care. Lemon asked so casually before that he no longer saw it as a problem, so why not tell Rayne the truth?

"I told him I loved him. And he told me too, before he passed out. So now, I'm not leaving until he wakes up. Because I love him.”

Rayne could only stare at him and Mash was finally able read his emotions. Surprise, annoyance, the words 'How dare you' in his eyes.

That didn't look good.

"You... love him. My brother."

"Yes."

Rayne began to study Finn again, how injured he was, how irregular was his breathing, the wounds he had stubbornly given himself, all because of him? That couldn't be possible. "...I don't accept this."

Mash cocked his head in confusion, waiting for Rayne to elaborate on his thoughts in any way but he just stood there, arms folded across his chest with a look that could kill.

"... is there a problem, Rayne?"

And a sneer escaped the older student as he took a step closer to Mash, leaning to him so their faces were uncomfortably close.

“Are you ready to take care of him? Are you ready to face the consequences of your actions?”

"Consequences?"

“Just your existence in his life has caused him near-fatal injuries. Or maybe you don't know why he ended the way he did? Why did he protect that crystal almost to his death?”

Of course.

Because he knew how important it was to Mash. Because he wanted a future for Mash, because he loved Mash.

And loving Mash was… dangerous. Mash was dangerous.

For the first time in hours, Mash stood up.

“Stay away from my brother. Or do you want to have him killed next time?”

He knew he was exaggerating, that he had no idea what Mash or Finn felt but still, his words dug deep into Mash's heart.

Maybe it was true, Finn was only unconscious now because he loved Mash too blindly to know his own limit.

But that wasn't fair. Mash didn't want to hurt him.

He left the room anyway, his head hanging and his heart aching.

Mash needed Finn to finally wake up.

Chapter Text

Lance couldn't sleep, he kept tossing and turning and when he finally decided he wasn't tired enough, he got up in the dark and changed to go out into the hallway and outside.

Maybe he should check on Mash. That idiot was definitely still sitting next to Finn.

But he couldn't say that he was surprised. Lance knew very well what it was like when a person had to watch his loved ones suffer, he also had to experience it for the second time by now and he had to restrain himself from sitting in that depressing room next to Mash all day as well.

Finn didn't deserve this.

The neighborhood was quiet, it looked like he was walking around alone tonight and when he finally got in front of the room, he took a breath and knocked.

No one answered him, but that could have several explanations. If Mash was inside, he probably wouldn't want to get up from Finn's side. Maybe the nurse was just there and she wasn't going to let anyone in, but when he took the handle after another wave of silence, the door was unlocked.

No one was sitting in the chair, the nurse was nowhere to be found and when he focused on Finn, he realized that the boy's eyes were open.

He just lay there staring at the ceiling and Lance was slightly horrified as he had never seen Finn's pupils so empty.

"Finn?"

And that look was suddenly gone, the boy on the bed took a deep breath and seemed relieved.

“L-lance, is that you?” But he didn't turn his head to him, the blue-haired wizard had to stand next to the bed so that the boy could look at him and his wave of relief was gone again. He looked extremely confused.

"You're awake... They told us there's a possibility you wouldn't wake up for days."

"I… I don't know what's going on…”

Lance wanted to sit down but then thought that probably wasn't a good idea. It didn't look like Finn was able to turn his head and if he couldn't see him, it would only make him panic more.

Lance was probably the first person Finn saw after he woke up. And Mash spent the whole day just to be that someone... Where was he anyway?

"Do you remember how you got here?"

“That… that exam… I almost died… Wait, am I dead?”

"No no. You're alive, barely. This is real, okay?” To let him know, he reached out to lightly take Finn's hand in his and when he moved it just a little, another wave of pain shot through Finn's entire body.

Real pain.

“Oh… Mash, Mash, he… Is he okay?”

"Mash is perfectly fine, you don't have to worry about him."

That was probably enough for him for now, he stopped asking and Lance was glad that he was probably disoriented enough to not notice how upset his friend was at the moment.

What was he supposed to tell him? How was he supposed to strike up another conversation? Should another one even start? Was he making the situation uncomfortable?

“I'll go get the nurse, okay? I have to inform her-”

“N-no! Don't leave, you can't… J-just stay…”

And how could he even leave after something like that?

He didn't let go of his hand anymore, knowing that the touch was now a source of comfort for Finn and he just gave a quick nod as he tried to smile to assure him that he wasn't going for now. Whatever injuries Finn had, it still didn't look like he was in mortal danger right now. All he needed was someone to comfortably guide him through his first moments awake after what happened.

Would Anna be proud of him? She always admired him for helping those in need.

"How do you feel?"

"Lance, I… I don't really know… I can hardly move, b-but it'll heal up fast, won't it?"

He wanted to say yes, of course, but he didn't want to put lies in his mouth when he didn't know much about the situation himself.

Lance saw the nurse's cabinet where she had all her documents but he didn't like the idea of looking into them when he didn't have the right to do so. He was still a little ashamed of the moments when he spied on the doctors who were taking care of his sister to get as much information as possible about her condition.

"If you do what the nurse tells you, your recovery will surely go well."

A half-assed answer, but satisfying for now. But why did he feel like he was still lying? Why did he still have the feeling that something was terribly wrong?

Because that's exactly what he was saying to his sister even though he knew in his heart that nothing was going to get better?

"Was... Mash here?"

"Do you want me to go and fetch him?" He knew that just a moment ago, Finn had begged him not to leave but when it came to Mash, he would certainly be able to change his mind. The two of them were very close, much more so than anyone else in their group of friends and Lance's maternal instinct that was gradually developing in him felt something strange.

"Y-you don't have to… I don't want to bother him, he'll come when he wants…"

“He's been sitting with you all day since you were put in this room. I actually expected him to be here now but don't blame him, we've told him at least a hundred times to go rest, so we're all surely glad he finally listened to us."

Finn was silent for a moment, but his red cheeks spoke for him. He had no way of hiding them so when his eyes met Lance's again, he knew he must have looked like an absolute idiot.

“...really? He was there for me all day... And I don't even have a way to thank him for that..."

"You will thank him by resting properly and gaining enough strength. The entire exam was interrupted due to too many casualties, so everyone is concentrating on calming down for now.”

Right now, the only thing Finn could think about was that Mash had forced the Divine Visionary exam to be postponed for him and he didn't know what better thing Mash could even do for the injured boy at this point.

Finn wanted to see him, badly, but at the same time knew that Mash needed to rest too. If what Lance said was true, then he would surely come in the morning.

He noticed Lance pause, looking somewhere far in the room where Finn couldn't see and then remembered how he must have felt right now. He lay before him in bed, wounded, while he himself could do nothing at all.

Was this painful for him to watch?

"How is your sister, Lance?"

This in turn got his attention and he automatically squeezed the locket in his palm with a tiny smile.

"... we still send letters to each other, she's still in bed, our parents still despise her... But thank you for asking."

Lance knew Finn wasn't even saying that just because of the situation he was in. He asked about his sister often because he actually cared. Lance really appreciated that.

“She's lucky… To have a brother like you.”

The tone in which he said this was so sad, making Lance wonder what the relationship between Finn and his older brother really was. They didn't seem close at all and he couldn't imagine treating his own sister like that.

Maybe that's what Finn wanted. To be seen.

“I want you to meet her sometime, I think she would like you…”

A boy who let himself be beaten to a pulp to protect someone else? Of course she would. But he was afraid that the remnants of her magic wouldn't be able to help him in his condition, no matter how much he believed in her.

"... you should go to sleep, Lance."

"But you-"

"It's alright. It's okay now…” His palm, which Lance was still holding, was already warm unlike the moment when he grabbed it completely cold before. Surely a sign that Finn can make it through the night alone now.

“... Okay. But I'll come check on you later, just in case.” Finn would have nodded if he could but this way, he just gave him a small smile and Lance was glad he was still able to stay positive. Was it because he was still alive? Because Mash visited him?

Maybe because Lance was here with him now?

“O-oh, when you're leaving, could you please open the window to let in some fresh air? It feels a little suffocating in here…”

Of course he couldn't refuse, but Lance stopped on his way to the window and was once again forced to accept the strong energy that pulled him to the nurse's shelf of documents.

He wasn't allowed to look. But he wanted to see. He wanted to make Finn happy, he wanted to tell him that it wouldn't be long before he could go to classes with them again, see the city, just talk with them on way to their classrooms.

He didn't even realize that he was already holding the folder in his hands. There was no turning back, he quickly opened it and his eyes traveled down the long medical text until he found what he was looking for.

Lance quickly put the folder back where it belonged before he could crumple it due to how tightly his hands closed into fists. He walked over to the window with his eyes down at his feet, let the air into the room with a heavy breath and when he left the room, he didn't come back that night to check on Finn anymore.

It was too much.

 ***

"You're going to stay in bed for a while, they were very serious injuries after all, and then we'll see, Finn."

He knew that she was trying to explain his situation to him so that he would know what to expect but Finn wasn't really listening to the nurse. His whole head was full of Mash, the Mash that still didn't come to see him. He would actually take the company of anyone other than someone who explained to him that he wouldn't be quite able to move for a while until the injuries were fully healed.

Lance was so nice, what was he doing now?

"Are you listening to me, Finn?"

“N-not really, I'm sorry…”

“It's okay, you're still in a very fragile state. Rest for a while and then I'll come back to see you. But you'll be listening to me, okay?”

Although he agreed, he knew very well that he would not listen to her next time either. His head hurt too much, he felt like he was going to die again, and the only good news was that he was starting to feel the fingers on his hands. But he still couldn't even move his neck and pretty much everything else, he was also told not to even try because of possible damage to the stitches he obviously had there, so he could just lie and stare at the dirty ceiling, incredibly bored.

He heard the door open, but he thought that the nurse had long since left. He started to feel slightly scared as in his current state, Finn couldn't defend himself in any way no matter what was going to happen.

What if… he came to finish him off?

"You really are awake..."

But the voice immediately gave him all the peace he needed, made him feel safe.

“Mash!” He didn't want to scream, but the excitement forced him to and then he started to cough which only made his cut throat hurt even more. Mash was at his side in no time with a glass of water and, as carefully as it was possible, helped Finn at least into a position where he could drink comfortably.

It certainly wasn't comfortable, but being thirsty still sounded worse than the pain which would subside after a few minutes anyway.

"I wasn't here when you woke up..."

He sounded genuinely disappointed, Finn wasn't surprised after he'd obviously sat here all day without Finn moving, but it was enough for Finn that he was here now. That they were here together and alive.

"Maybe it's better you weren't here right then, I was sweating a lot and Lance told me I looked like someone had sucked the soul out of me… But I feel better now, look." He did the same thing he had done this morning, moved his fingers a little with a smile and out of nowhere felt something grabbing his pinkie. Mash was now holding it with his own finger.

"I'm glad."

And suddenly there was silence, they just looked at each other and as Mash's hand now held his entire palm, their fingers intertwining, he leaned down to run fingers over Finn' wound on his neck.

He probably just wanted to look, but Finn's cheeks instantly turned a different color and he forced himself to close his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at Mash.

Oh, yes. The whole 'love' thing.

"Does this hurt?"

“N-not really…”

Mash seriously had no idea what he was doing. They had only recently confessed their love, how could he do such things without feeling embarrassed?!

But Finn's memories were still pretty fuzzy. He was dying in Mash's arms and after that remembered nothing but his 'last' words.

Yet he said them. He definitely did. There was no way he dreamed all that, right?

"I love you, Mash." The hesitation made him say them again, for the thought of him making the whole thing up was horrible. But he couldn't even tell from Mash's reaction if it was true, as the other boy just stared at him for a moment before pulling both hands back to his body.

“Oh, that's right.”

“T-that's right? What were you going to do?!”

"Sorry, I feel quite uneasy. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since you told me."

So he did tell him. This made the whole situation even more awkward, but Finn was more focused on the fact that Mash really was acting strange. As if he didn't know what to say, what to want, what to do. Was it just because he was worried about Finn?

But Finn sensed something different entirely.

“I'm glad you feel the same, Finn. But we should put all of this aside until you get better.”

“That sounds… reasonable. Not like I could do anything like this anyway.”

Finn was a very touchy person, okay? Just Mash's hand on his made him want more. He wanted a hug, he wanted Mash to playfully mess up his hair, he wanted to go practice magic and take classes again, bake cream puffs, maybe even get a kiss now that he knew Mash was just as interested in him.

But he could do no such thing right now. He had to be patient.

"No. Not until marriage, Finn. That's what my dad taught me."

“T-that's not what I meant!”

They would have probably bickered for longer, and Finn really missed it, but the nurse came back into the room and Finn knew that now, he was probably going to have to live through the most boring minutes of his life.

“I'm afraid you won't get away with it this time, Finn. Say goodbye to Mr. Burnedead and we can continue.”

“S-say goodbye? Can't he stay here?”

"We both know very well that he would only distract you."

She was probably right about that, but Mash was distracting him even when he wasn't in the room with him. He also wasn't sure how much the boy liked the idea of leaving, but Mash surprisingly didn't look like he was going to argue.

"I'll be back soon, Finn."

The nurse was surprised when Finn finally answered all her questions, even with a smile.

 ***

Mash hid his fists in his cloak pockets so as not to frighten passing students with them. He would otherwise certainly look like he was about to punch someone.

Maybe he should have told him straight up that Rayne was the reason he thought about staying away so much. That he didn't want to upset him and make his relationship with Finn more difficult because this wasn't something he could solve with force.

Besides, he was still wondering if what Rayne was saying made any sense. Was it Mash's fault?

But Finn didn't look… hurt. He himself said that he was getting better, the nurse did not warn him in any way either. Rayne is sure to change his mind when he sees Finn walking around school with even a bigger smile in a few days as if nothing happened.

He planned to go to his room and then pester the nurse to tell him if Finn could eat cream puffs, he promised that he would make them for him after the exams and they would eat some together, but his attention was caught by familiar blue hair, the owner of which was the one who informed Mash about Finn waking up in the first place.

He was leaning against a pillar, reading something while clutching his necklace that hid his sister's portrait in his hand and when Mash leaned over to see what he was doing, he recognized Lance's writing on the paper he was looking at.

It was strange, Lance didn't notice him at all, so Mash managed to read a few phrases and realize that it was a letter for Anna. But the date on it was old, so he quickly stopped understanding what this meant.

“It seems a little late to send this to your sister…”

And Lance was startled, really startled, and turned to Mash with horror in his eyes. He lost all his composure, didn't say anything for a while and needed to take a deep breath to look at Mash with an almost calmed down face.

"That's just one of the letters I ended up not sending to her. I'm looking for inspiration…”

“Inspiration? In a letter you wrote yourself?”

He finally pocketed it with a defeated sigh and leaned against the pillar again, Mash could still feel the restless energy radiating from him and was confused himself that Lance was able to be affected by something this badly.

"I wrote it when I was... feeling calmer. I think I need something like that right now.”

“Yes, you do look like a mess.”

He did usually only look this upset when something was concerning his sister but Mash had a feeling that it had nothing to do with her this time.

And then his name got finally brought up.

“But why don't you? I mean, Finn is…”

"Fine. He is being treated and soon, we will be able to go to town with him again. I think he's tired of being locked in that horrible room.”

Lance stood there again, by that bed as he watched the doctor finish analyzing his sister. He wrote something down in the folder and looked up at him and his parents.

"Fine? You didn't read the file? That's why I wanted you to go see him in the first place…”

But Mash's confused look told him immediately that he most likely didn't even know such a file existed.

“Reading the nurses' notes is forbidden, Lance. Wow, when did you become a rule-breaker?”

 'Anna's condition will only get worse no matter how long she lies in bed. Her magic…'

 Lance could only stand there and watch his sister struggle. How…

He wasn't Finn's doctor, he shouldn't have shared this information, but Mash didn't know. Mash was envisioning a completely different outcome.

Mash was setting himself up for a wave of disappointment and pain.

“His injuries, Mash. Most of them will heal over time, they weren't extremely serious, but-”

 'Brother, I'll get better, won't I? After all, I'm not really that ill, our parents are just exaggerating...'

 She held his hand lightly. She didn't know.

"His legs-"

He now understood why Mash and Finn's bond seemed so strange to him, why they were so close. Love was involved, making the whole situation even harder for Lance to convey to Mash.

Because Mash was going to blame himself.

 'Anna will never be able to cast magic again'

 "The notes said he might never be able to walk again."

Chapter Text

“Don't act like a little kid and drink it, Finn."

"B-but it's so disgusting, you don't understand!"

Rayne sighed for what seemed like the tenth time today, holding on to which Finn's nurse prescribed him and which apparently tasted like someone vomited in a glass and kept it in there for a week.

He ordered her to leave, one of the perks he had as a Divine Visionary, and he also promised her that he would give Finn everything required, yet now he had the urge to leave again very quickly.

"What's in it anyway? Why does it taste so bad…”

"Medicine should not taste like sweets, it should taste like medicine. Now stop waving your arms and drink. it."

The positive side of this morning was the fact that Finn was now able to raise his arms, the negative being that he put all his energy into pushing away anything his brother tried to give him.

Maybe he felt exhausted and thought that anything he ingested right now would make him throw up, maybe he was just confused that Mash didn't come to see him again.

Lance promised. Mash promised. Why did they always leave when he needed them the most right now?

“But the nurse said I was getting better, n-no? So why do I need to drink this? I certainly don't have to-”

“Why are you being so difficult!”

This finally calmed Finn down, he stared at his brother for a moment before placing his hands at his sides, perhaps in defeat or because he was too tired. He only heard an annoyed sigh, then felt Rayne trying to get him into a sitting position and when he put the glass to his mouth, Finn no longer resisted and opened his mouth.

This was his third dose and each time, he felt like they only made him feel worse.

The medicine was said to work wonders and as soon as Rayne Ames heard this, he made sure Finn drank every single one of them. It was strange, a change from the days when Rayne had started to avoid him and wasn't interested in him at all.

“See? This whole thing could have gone without any problems.”

"I want to see Mash."

But Rayne obviously didn't want to hear that, he put the empty glass on a table with a little more force and when he knew that Finn wasn't looking at him, he put a palm on his forehead and closed his eyes.

He was hoping Mash had lied to him, really. That he just made the fact that his feelings were reciprocated by Finn up. But it didn't seem that way.

Rayne had to fix this, as usual.

"I don't think he will come. He has more important things to do.”

“W-what?”

“Or have you already forgotten that the Divine Visionary exam will still be held? This is an unique chance to keep training for it.”

He actually didn't think Mash would be smart enough to use that time for training, but he knew it sounded like good reasoning. Nothing that Finn would see as suspicious.  Nothing that sounded like Rayne's fault.

***

“I warned you.”

He caught him at the door the previous evening. It was obvious that Mash was trying to sneak in but a boy like him was never very good at that. He was stupid after all, and it was getting more and more difficult for Rayne to think of why Finn liked him so much.

"Oh, Rayne."

"Yes. 'Oh'. Do you think you can continue to violate my request and come here as if I didn't say anything?”

Mash thought about his words for a moment, then turned as if nothing had happened and reached for the doorknob, completely ignoring Rayne.

"I need to see him."

"And all he needs right now is rest. Do you think your visits will actually help?”

He removed his hand from the doorknob, pondering Rayne's words for a moment, then just nodding

"I think so. He looks happy when I'm there.”

“Looks like? And do you know if he actually is? Do you think he likes the fact you watch him every day like a caged animal?”

"I think he likes it more than his own brother being one of the few who almost never come to see him."

That somehow got to Rayne, the Divine Visionary got quiet and Mash just stared at him with a look full of judgement.

He was seriously the only one around who dared to talk to him like that, he could even get him kicked out of the school...

But something kept him from doing that, even though he absolutely did not want anything to happen between him and Finn. The smile that appeared on his brother's face every time he saw Mash...

“…For now, I'll stay away on one condition, Rayne.”

He didn't expect that Mash would agree, he actually assumed that he would have to fight with him, which he would gladly do, but he just nodded and intended to listen to him.

"Visit him. And often. Take care of him.”

He was a bit taken aback as he didn't expect such a condition. But he didn't know what Finn himself would think about it. They weren't close anymore, they had nothing to say and Rayne…

Rayne felt too much every time he saw the condition Finn was in.

"Why so suddenly? You will definitely come to see him anyway…”

"I don't want to be in conflict with my future brother-in-law. Families should be on good terms, right?”

***

He let it slide that time since Mash promised he wouldn't visit Finn for now, but he remembered how red his own face got out of sheer anger and embarrassment.

“O-oh… Yeah, you're right. Becoming a Divine Visionary is his main goal…”

"So don't worry about him now. The only thing you have to focus on is taking your medicine and resting so that you can recover as quickly as possible-”

"Were you forced to be here?"

Finn was mostly looking at the ceiling because it hurt to turn his eyes, he could raise his arms but his neck was still not in a state in which it could move, but now he was staring into his brother's soul and made Rayne think about it.

Was he forced to be here?

It wasn't like he didn't like spending time with his brother, it was just the same reason as why he kept Mash away from him.

He was a Divine Visionary, Mash was aiming to be one and now Finn was in love with the guy? Having such close ties with two people like this basically spelled death sentence.

Showing hatred towards Finn was the only way to go. Because that way, enemies saw no value in Finn. His brother deserved a good life, just like he was a good man. Too good for his own good.

And then he goes and gets paired up with a student who stands out so much…

No wonder he was in a state like this.

“Finn-”

"I don't want you to be here if you don't want to be here."

Visit him. And often. Take care of him.

But if Finn didn't want him here, wasn't it better to stay away after all?

"What, so you'd rather have the nurse you complain about so much in here?"

“At least she cares about me, Rayne. She… she’s not ashamed of me…”

Keep it up, Rayne. Do not give in.

But just like that moment on stage, the one when he watched Finn being tortured by Carpaccio and the one when Mash brought him, unconscious in his arms, he almost gave in to his feelings.

Almost.

"I'll call her over then."

He didn't even want to see the look on his brother's face when Rayne turned his back on him and walked to the door. But he stopped for a moment, not able to hold back one feeling and sighed loudly.

“I just want you to get better. You have to get better.”

Silence, and then an answer he might rather not have heard.

“...I will, Rayne. Everyone has high hopes for me.”

His brother said nothing to him, disappearing behind the door of the room.

 ***

"What? Is the patient too adorable for you?”

“Shut up. And stop smiling, this is no matter to smile about.”

Going after the nurse was a bad move, Rayne decided very quickly. He didn't like how positive she was about the whole situation, how much hope she gave Finn. All that hope could be crushed with just a few words.

“I just approach it the same way Finn does. He is an excellent patient.”

“Stop babying him and act like an adult. ”

“Am I being told to act like an adult by someone who won't speak to his own brother who needs him the most right now?”

Maybe she had him there, but he definitely wasn't the one in the wrong here. Definitely not.

“You can continue taking care of him, I came to discuss the costs.”

“...of course.” 

She took some papers and sat down with Rayne for a moment, at least he could see that she could be serious when the situation arose.

“You already know this will all be quite pricey…”

“And I’m paying it all, just as I confirmed before.”

He tried to stay calm as he looked through all the items on the list, but each one just reminded him of Finn's situation.

Keep calm, Rayne, it's just like the nurse said. As long as Finn is smiling, everything will be fine.

They were halfway through the documentation when the door suddenly opened, with a certain someone standing in it who Rayne really didn't miss seeing.

“Miss nurse? I came to ask if Finn can eat cream-”

He stopped as soon as he saw Rayne inside, then just stared at the Divine Visionary for a moment before sighing.

“Oh.”

“Bastard, you were going to see him after all!”

“I wasn't, really. I promise. I planned to make cream puffs and then have someone else to take them to Finn. I promise. I really do.”

Rayne couldn't tell if he was lying to him, Mash's stoic expression didn't really reveal much, and he finally got up with a plan to leave. He definitely couldn't concentrate on accounting right now.

“Wait. Before you go…” And before the nurse approached Rayne, she sent Mash outside the door to wait for her there. She then pressed something into Rayne's palm, a room key, and seemed to be thinking before continuing to speak.

"Finn asked me to lock his room at night, I'm the only one with a key." She looked a little nervous, like she still wasn't saying something to Rayne, and that really pissed him off. “Try to visit him sometime in the evening and make up with him, okay? He didn't sleep very well last night, so perhaps the company of a family member will do him better. I know how uncomfortable it is for you when other students come to see him…”

Actually, that applied just to Mash, but he didn't have to tell her that. He also felt like he'd give Finn more nightmares than a good night's sleep if he showed up there.

Finn didn't like him.

“I won't. He will be better off without me.”

***

He said that and yet now stood in front of the room, feeling quite uneasy.

Maybe he could have timed it better, he was overthinking it so much that he didn't think about the time and got here after midnight. Finn was definitely asleep by now, but Rayne wanted to check on him anyway.

It was better this way, at least Finn wouldn't know that his brother was here and wouldn't get unnecessarily angry with him.

He quietly inserted the key into the keyhole and turned it, automatically closing his eyes and placing a palm on his restless chest.

What was he told when he found out from another student that they were the first to catch Finn awake? That he didn't move, that his eyes were empty, as if without a soul?

He would have much rather witnessed that than what he actually saw right as he opened the door.

Blood. Blood again. And Finn was on the ground, leaning against the bed while holding his bleeding neck with his palm. His eyes were full of tears and he was hiccuping quietly, holding one of his thighs with his other hand.

His legs. It was the first time Rayne had seen them since Finn always had them hidden under the blanket just like the nurse wanted. They were pale, but at the same time purple in several places and then that one cut, red and veiny, previously infected but still not healed, likely just getting worse instead.

Oh, Rayne was probably dreaming. He was trying so hard to hide everything that it was driving him crazy because this couldn't be real. Because Finn was fine, and he was getting better, and he would smile and say that everything will be okay.

“R-rayne…?”

His body moved automatically, Rayne stepped closer to the drawer where the nurse kept her medical supplies and he pulled out things he needed to put everything in order again. Blood. Neck. Stitches. Even his mind was putting everything together by itself. There was no time for anything else, he immediately knelt down next to his brother and when he motioned for him to put his hand away, Finn just watched him. He would probably shake his head in disapproval, but he obviously couldn't do that in his state.

“Finn, you need to show me. Please.”

“I-I’m scared, I’m really s-scared…”

Rayne raised his hand, but then stopped. Something was still holding him back, something was still telling him that this was a bad idea, but if he didn't disconnect from what made him such a powerful wizard, Finn could be so far away from him in the future that all his efforts would fail catastrophically.

You walked away from him and this is how it ended, Rayne…

He had to stop being a Divine Visionary for now and start being a brother.

“I'm here, okay? I’ll take care of it, just… Just let your brother help.”

Rayne finally moved his hand forward, placing it on the one holding the neck and Finn slowly lowered it with a sob, allowing more blood to bubble to the surface. But Rayne didn't wait for anything, he started treating him immediately, trying not to notice how his hands started to shake, at the worst possible moment.

"Tell me what happened." He wanted to know, but at the same time needed to distract Finn somehow.

“I-I just wanted a drink, a-and the glass wasn't that far away, and I didn't want to wake the nurse… I thought I could h-handle it with how fast I have been healing so far…”

Rayne quickly wiped the sweat from his forehead and rubbed his eyes before finishing his work and then let out a loud breath. Finn's face was red, whether it was from the crying or whatever happened, and his brother turned to see where said glass was.

The table really wasn't far but for Finn, it could feel like a great distance. He quickly got up to go and get it, then gave his brother a drink and felt Finn's body lean against his shoulder, completely exhausted.

“So you… fell from the bed.”

“It t-twisted my neck a little, and then there was so much b-blood and I… I couldn't move…”

“I will put you back now, okay?”

And Finn didn't object, Rayne carefully took him in his arms and when he put him down, Finn didn't let go. His arms were still wrapped around his brother's torso, cold and shaking, and it wasn't like Rayne wanted to let go either.

When was the last time they shared an embrace like this?

“You need to call for help when you need it, Finn. That's why the nurse is here.”

"I just… I didn't want to be a burden anymore…"

Rayne's grip tightened and even as Finn continued to try to hide his sobs, his brother could feel his shirt getting wet with Finn's face buried in it.

"You still have to wait until you get better. And then you won't be, okay?”

He wanted to let Finn go but then it all came back, the first moment when Finn almost died, and now the second because Finn wouldn't have called for help otherwise.

And it was all going to get even worse.

“...W-will you start avoiding me again in the morning, Rayne? Y-you can, just… j-just don't tell anyone about this, p-please…”

He almost lost him again.

“I won't, Finn. I won't start avoiding you and I won't tell anyone. Only if you promise me not to be this foolish ever again.”

He felt Finn nod slightly and that's when he finally separated from him, holding his younger brother by the shoulders and as he carefully laid him down, he quickly covered him so he didn't have to look at his legs anymore. And then he saw that tiny smile again when he looked at Finn's face, the one that made him feel like it was all worth it.

"Okay… I'll call my nurse if I need anything, Rayne."

"Good. But try to get some sleep, okay?”

“Y-yeah… I need a lot of rest to recover quicker, right?”

Rayne just nodded slowly and got off the bed, looking around before whispering good night and slowly walking towards the door.

He tried not to think about the sound of his feet tapping as he closed the door behind him and breathed quietly so Finn wouldn't hear him behind the door.

At least one of them had to stay composed but even so, his palm was shaking as he looked at it and he was incredibly glad that he managed to treat Finn's injury properly.

He was glad he got there in time.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw something move in the corridor and he didn't know what his first reaction should have been when he noticed Mash hiding very obviously behind a small chair. They looked at each other for a moment, but then Mash gave up and stood while dusting himself off.

“Oh, I guess you see me.”

“Obviously.”

Why did he have to keep bumping into him? Why couldn't it be someone who didn't annoy him so much, like Lance Crown?

But Finn chose Mash. Maybe it was time to find out why.

“I finished the cream puffs so I went looking for you to give them-”

“It's three in the morning. He'll hardly be in the mood for cream puffs now."

"There is no such thing as a time when you're not in the mood for cream puffs."

“Well, my brother is in that mood right now.”

Talking with him was indeed exhausting. How could Finn do this everyday AND fall in love with him?

Being so dense and so dangerous to be around were horrible combinations, but…

But wasn't Rayne just the same?

"It's nice. When you call him your brother, I mean.”

And then there were moments like this, when Mash knew exactly what to say, when he didn't need to show emotion on his face but put it into his words. He cared, they cared, and that was enough.

“But that won't help him get better, will it?”

He saw that Mash was looking at his shaking arms and immediately hid them behind his back, Rayne was incredibly ashamed but at the same time still couldn't calm down.

What would he give to be more like Mash right now?

"Do you want some cream puffs?" He was still talking to him, still not leaving… And if Rayne wasn't mistaken, his voice was different. Kinder. "If Finn won't eat them… They're not even very sweet, the nurse said he shouldn't have too much sugar and I don't want them to go bad-"

“Okay.”

It was obvious that Mash didn't expect such a response and probably expected Rayne to change his mind but Rayne instead took a few steps and stood right next to the other student.

“Just lead the way.”

***

So that's how he ended up in Mash's and Finn’s room, seated at a table and biting into a cream puff which was definitely too tasty for its own good.

Okay, maybe he could understand why every time was a cream puff time in Mash’s head.

But even though it did taste good, the cream puff was still not able to erase the uneasiness Rayne felt inside his stomach. Inside everything.

“I have been thinking it over, and I’m really sorry… and I don't know what to do to make it better.”

He didn't expect Mash to start talking right away and neither understood what the boy was talking about. He was forced to put down his nearly finished cream puff, knowing he couldn't think clearly with his mouth full, and then simply decided to let Mash continue to speak. It seemed to him that he wasn't done yet.

"I thought about it. Whether Finn's injuries are my fault, and maybe you're right-”

“Wait. Don't say anything."

And Mash obeyed him, stared at Rayne and took a bite out of a cream puff himself, for the first time with an expression of nervousness that was surprising to see on him.

Rayne was thinking too.

"You did not deserve the treatment I gave you that day. Let me be the one who apologizes properly.”

“But I think you were right. Finn fought for me. And I am… dangerous.”

“You're not the only one Finn is fighting for. Yet you are also the one who saved his life. And that has so much more value… I was foolish to overlook this fact… And the fact that avoiding my brother is going to cause him even bigger pain.”

That seemed to send Mash's anxiety away. There were only a few cream puffs left, the strong student definitely wasn't going to mention that Rayne surprisingly ate a lot, and then noticed that he was probably impatiently waiting for Mash's response.

"... it took you this long to realize that? Wow…”

"Leave your smart remarks for another time... You knew this and still decided to stay away from Finn, just like I wanted?"

“Yes. Because I promised, Rayne. I promised you that I would stay away from him if you stayed close to him. You kept that promise, so it would be rude to break my promise.”

He was a good man after all. Strong, loyal, determined…

A future Divine Visionary…

"I am withdrawing this arrangement, Mash. Accompany him, talk to him, just… just make him smile again. He’ll need you, he…”

But he didn't finish his thought, instead watched the almost empty plate and felt Mash's eyes on him. It didn't take long for Mash to sit closer, Rayne looked up and a chill ran down his spine to see how the younger boy looked at that moment.

Sad…

“You know.”

Rayne was forced to lower his face again. He couldn't allow Mash of all people to see him like this.

"You know that Finn will never walk again."

Of course he knew.

The full diagnosis was the first thing he wanted to know from the nurse and already at that moment, she told him that his brother's legs had received dangerous and unknown amount of damage.

After all, Raine was the one who told her to keep quiet about it, not to tell Finn about it. Because surely, there had to be a cure, right? They would be able to heal him without Finn knowing about it, without stressing him out.

But as time went on, the wounds on his legs only got worse. They were just showing more and more signs that they could never be moved again. Until they reached a stage where hope was minimal.

Whenever Finn asked if he would recover quickly, if he would be able to go back to town with his friends soon, Rayne remained silent and did everything to make sure he could. All the medicine that had Finn saying how disgusting it was, looking for any exercise that would whip his brother back into shape...

But he knew it was probably over when he saw him lying on the ground a few minutes ago, desperate and crying, in pain.

How could he refuse him what made him happy at that moment? Mash had to be with him. He had to…

He felt a hand around his shoulders and was carefully surrounded by a warm embrace, there were wet spots on Rayne's thighs and it took him a moment to realize they were his own tears.

A sign of the fact that he, even a Divine Visionary, lost to Finn’s pain.

“My… my little brother will never walk again, will he…”

Even if there was a slight chance, it hurt to think of it’s almost nonexistential size. There was no use believing in something so inconsequential.

He made no sound when he cried, just some heavy breaths occasionally left his mouth and then he was handed a handkerchief when the worst was over.

Rabbits…

“I’m keeping some in my pockets all the time. Just in case.”

“I… thank you.” He was not going to comment on how strange that was, Rayne just took it and blew his nose before he immediately wiped all the remaining tears.

It felt better to cry from time to time, he guessed.

“Rayne, will you listen to me?”

“What other chance do I have…”

“I love Finn. You know, I have never been in love before. And I was scared.”

Mash thought back to the first time he couldn't take his eyes off Finn. When his heart made violent crashes against his chest and when his cheeks felt warm. He didn't really know what love was, of course, even though his father tried really hard to explain.

Yet he immediately understood the word’s meaning when he was with Finn Ames.

“I wanted to dig a hole and die in it. I wanted to rip my heart out because I thought that would help. Why is the heart associated with love anyway, Rayne? It doesn't make any sense, that bothers me.”

“I… I don't have an answer to that.”

“But then I thought of the possibility of Finn feeling this way towards me. Even if he didn't, confessing this feeling felt like the right thing to do because your brother is a good person. I felt like I could trust him to make me feel better even though it hurt.”

And then Finn said he feels the same, that the words have been weighting him down as well.

Mash was dangerous, yet Finn’s world without Mash now hid even greater pain.  

“So I need to make him feel the same way. Because he will be hurting after he becomes aware of his situation. He will call himself a burden, he will push us away just like you pushed him away. I won't allow that. Do you know why?”

“Because… because you love him…”

Those words didn't feel real coming from Mash’s mouth up until now, but Rayne really believed them for the first time. 

And how happy it made him to know that Finn was so loved.

“If I still don't have your permission-”

“You don't need my permission, Mash. Finn is his own, reasonable person.” He saw how Mash took another cream puff into his hands and started doing something weird with the dough, forming it. Maybe he was nervous again. Right after that surprisingly deep speech that he just gave Rayne out of nowhere?! “But if it’s worth something to you, just know that I will be thinking it over. I am willing to change my judgement in the future If you will continue to make him happy.”

And then he was handed the cream puff Mash previously held. It had two small bumps coming out of top now and when he looked at the other boy in confusion, Mash was visibly upset that the Divine Visionary didn't appreciate his creation.

“It’s a rabbit. A cream puff rabbit, Rayne. Best of both worlds.”

“I hope this is not one of your ideas on how to get me to accept you into my family.”

“...I-it’s definitely not, how stupid. It doesn't even look like a rabbit, don't be ridiculous…”

But Rayne looked down on the sad creation in his palms and signed, annoyed at how bad he felt at the thought of eating it.

This is definitely something that would make Finn smile. It was making Rayne smile too, after all.

Chapter Text

Carpaccio was standing beside his bed and Finn couldn't move.

It was dark, probably sometime after midnight, and the red haired boy was bending down to look into Finn's face, his expression neutral and even though Finn couldn't budge due to intense fear, he saw something flash. Carpaccio held his blade, running his finger over it with blood dripping from it and sliding down the blade.

"Does it hurt, Finn?"

Of course it hurt, even Carpaccio should have been aware of that after what Mash had done to him. After he himself had blood running down his cheeks as he writhed in agony on the ground.

Finn could never bring himself to be selfish and wish Carpaccio all that pain. He couldn't even imagine what life must have been like without the cramps and dangers of hurting. Better? Or worse?

"Does it hurt?"

He felt himself begin to sweat all over and when he swallowed, his throat was incredibly dry. He was suddenly aware that he couldn't move again, as if he were chained to the bed and Carpaccio was still standing there, the knife cutting deeper and deeper into its owner's skin.

Carpaccio's eyes were glassy and a terrifying smirk appeared on his face.

“How much does it hurt? Does it hurt you more than me?”

Finn's hand was burning, his finger was burning, and whenever he tried to answer, it felt like his mouth was locked up.

That blade, bloody and dirty, rusty. Infected.

“It feels good, doesn't it? I feel complete with you. You’re the only one who truly understands me now. Yet…”

He quickly removed the blade from his finger and then stared at the wound, still empty, still numb. He wiggled it with no difficulty even though it was almost cut in half.

“Yet I feel the pain now, but no consequences… You still experience both, but why? Why, Finn? That isn't fair, it’s not… No, I cannot get distracted. I need to finish my work, I need to keep on-”

But then Finn began to feel dizzy, Carpaccio started walking away from his bed when he saw that the patient had stopped paying attention to him. All the confused boy could notice before he passed out was the other wizard's limping.

***

He woke up with a deep breath, leaning back to sit up and immediately regretting it as his whole body ached. Finn's upper body was already healed but he still couldn't bring himself to strain himself, so he stopped moving for a moment to catch his breath.

He felt like he was on fire.

The dream… The nightmare…

Carpaccio disturbed his dreams every night he slept here but after the nurse explained to him that he might never get back on his feet, it only got worse.

How many days have passed since he received those injuries? And he was only now learning that they were this serious?

Everything was getting mixed up together for him…

"-Mash visit you?"

Finn jerked as he got startled, looking scared at Rayne who was suddenly sitting on his bed with another glass of medicine in his hand and blinked at him. Was he hallucinating? Where did his brother come from?

"Finn?"

“W-What are you… When did you come here?”

And his brother looked at him in confusion before cautiously answering. What was going on... Was he still in the dream? And why was he feeling so hot?

"A few minutes ago. I greeted you and you said 'good morning' to me, then agreed to drink the medicine."

He didn't remember that at all. He was probably so deep in his thoughts that he answered Rayne automatically. Everything seemed unreal from the moment he realized his injury. From the moment he was forced to think about not being able to walk ever again.

He knew that the real realization was yet to come and it hit him that for now, he just felt numb.

“Oh… sorry, I… Sorry, I feel weird…”

“Let me see…”

His brother leaned in and lightly touched Finn's cheek.

The Divine Visionary also still didn't know how to approach the whole situation, he knew that Finn already had the same information as them but he was acting strangely... normal. As if something was affecting his thinking.

Then he realized that he must have been just too exhausted to think clearly. His face was horribly hot.

"Finn, you probably have a fever."

“Huh…” And then Finn felt a throb, and another, and when he realized where all the unknown, stabbing pain was coming from, he lightly uncovered his blanket and raised a palm in front of Rayne's face.

One finger, cut and in immediate need of treating.

Rayne was raising his voice at him, panicking, but it was all so far. So unrealistic. 

Did he do this to himself as he was asleep, while having that dream about Carpaccio?

And did it even matter? What was this compared to his legs? Just a small cut…

“-Finn? You have to talk to me, how did you manage to get this injury? What…"

“I-I guess I accidentally cut myself… Rayne, can you please lower your voice? My head hurts…”

But Rayne wasn't aware of his voice being loud at all, he had just finished helping the nurse with another unsuccessful attempt at treatment and now, he was forcing Finn once again to open his mouth and drink the liquid inside.

No comment on how disgusting it was. Nothing. Finn just stared off into space, breathing heavily as Rayne prepared to get up and find anything that could bring his brother's temperature down.

“Rayne. Do you know that I will never be able to walk again? Did they tell you that?”

It hasn't been brought up until now and Rayne swalloved as he mentally prepared for the conversation.

“…they did, Finn. Do you want to… talk about it?”

“...not really. I don't really feel like talking right now, Rayne. Sorry…”

He got shut down just like that, but that was to be expected.

After taking care of other things and giving Finn more medicine, he gave him a silent farewell as he left the room with one goal in mind. He expected that things would not improve, Finn's leg was also infected by an unknown cause and therefore, he was already prepared for a possible fever. Rayne knew that there was one person whose reputation assured him that he would do better for Finn as company right now.

He was sure that at least Mash would be able to stay with Finn and properly talk to him.

***

“Can we talk some other time, Mash? I’m really tired…”

Finn didn't even look him in the face as he said it. He was in an awkward position, laying down with his back turned to Mash who just arrived into the room, and he stayed like that even when waiting for Mash to leave.

He immediately understood that Rayne had come to him with a request to cheer Finn up a bit, but that was easier said than done. Mash's promise to Rayne was in danger.

But if he was tired, it was best to let him rest and think about everything before they could talk about it. That's how the first day passed after Finn found out about his situation, and then Mash got excused anyway on the second day, third day...

It was just Rayne coming in, giving Finn medicine and leaving without any words. And Mash just sitting there, asking if Finn needed anything and being left without an answer. 

Rayne was mad to think that Finn was handling the whole situation. He obviously wasn't coping well, the Divine Visionary confided in Mash that his brother hardly slept and ate as he spent his days staring out the window and Mash himself felt ashamed.

He didn't know what to do. This wasn't a matter of exhaustion by now, Finn was obviously pushing them away and Mash thought he would be ready to be there for him in that case.

He wasn't.

It was so much easier to pretend nothing was wrong, like before, yet now they were all hurting. Rayne came to Mash much more often than ever before, stressed and barely getting any sleep himself, worrying about what was happening to his brother and the fact Finn might have hurt his finger on purpose since he was obviously lying about the injury.

But Mash couldn't help. How was he supposed to protect him if he wasn't able to be here for him? 

Was he even worth Finn’s love at this point?

“I’m sorry, Rayne… I’m sorry, I can't…”

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay, it has to be…”

But it wasn't okay. Mash needed to find a way, something that could teach him how to help.

Which is why he decided to leave the school grounds the next day and went to visit the wisest man he knew.

***

Ignore it.

For the first time in days, he felt at least a little calmer as he walked next to the familiar trees and approached his pleasant home. His father didn't know he was going to be here, but he would for sure be excited to see his son. He will definitely be able to give Mash the advice he so desperately needed.

He's already feeling it, he'll come home and welcome him with open arms, they'll bake a few cream puffs together and then they'll sit over tea while he confides in him. He was an honest son, one of the things Regro loved about him, and then he'll tell his father how he feels about Finn to get his blessing as well, while they're at it.

Ignore it. If you ignore it, it will go away.

Regro liked Finn, he liked all his friends, so Mash had to pull himself together and present Finn as a good boyfriend, he had to show himself as a caring and a good boyfriend, he wanted to…

Wait, were they boyfriends? They said they loved each other, but... but what happened next?

Ignore. Her. If you don't pay attention to her, she will leave.

But when Mash heard a loud crash behind him, he let out a loud sigh and turned to see Lemon lying on the ground, who had followed him all the way here. She didn't look hurt, but he still walked up to her and held out his hand when he saw that she wasn't getting up on her own.

She hesitated for a moment, but then grabbed onto him and silently thanked him as she stood up with his help. She was definitely embarrassed.

"Why are you following me?"

“B-because you're supposed to be with Finn! But you're going home instead… I wanted to know why.”

"...Finn doesn't want to see me."

She looked at Mash like he was crazy when he told her and angrily put her hands on her hips. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, she wanted to scream, but Mash was visibly depressed. That wouldn't help anything.

“You’re telling me he doesn't want to see you while being the way he is? This is, like, the moment he wants to see you the most, Mash!”

"Since he woke up, you haven't visited him once. You don't know what you're talking about…”

“T-That's because… Because! I thought it would be super awkward…”

Now Mash felt even more confused as he watched Lemon squirm bashfully next to him and when she finally stopped, Mash cocked his head slightly in confusion.

“Awkward? He's your friend.”

“B-but he's your boyfriend! And as your ex-girlfriend, it's a bit strange. You should feel jealous!

"But you're not my ex-girlfriend. And he's not. My boyfriend, I mean…”

He felt a little strange saying that. Because he loved Finn and Finn loved him. So how did partners come about? Was there a ritual for this? Was it like asking for a hand in marriage? And what was he supposed to ask Finn for? His heart? Is that why the heart was a symbol of love?

He was getting himself confused.

“He’s… not?

"I love him and he loves me. But we’re not together like that yet.”

Lemon couldn't believe it either, and she was so sure they were already together! The way he looked at Finn, the way he treated him differently, the way he protected him, was exactly how she imagined Mash as a boyfriend! Finn was so lucky, goddamnit! But Mash was too, wasn't he? Finn was so good to her all the time, helpful and friendly, a total boyfriend material!

Out of anger, she reached up and grabbed Mash's ear with her fingers, tugging slightly as she looked at him with a scolding expression.

“And you leave him just like that?! Do you know how confused he must be?!”

“But I’m also confused… Lemon, stop touching my ear, it feels weird.”

Before Lemon could realize, before she could think more deeply about how red Mash suddenly was, and let him go, Mash had completely forgotten how close they were to his home, how loud Lemon's voice really was. His father stood far away in the open doorway watching them, probably confused as to why the two of them were just standing there in such a position.

“Mash? And Lemon… What are you two doing here?”

“Oh, hi pops. I came to visit you.”

"M-me too, Mr. Burnedead!"

And so they were both happily invited in, Regro hugging his son as Lemon began her walk through their modest home again. She would be lying if she said she didn't like it here, it was comfortable and peaceful, Mash was lucky to have the opportunity to grow up here.

Since she wasn't really supposed to be here at first, she was happy to at least help with the baking and felt proud to put a plate full of fresh and delicious looking cream puffs on the table.

Of course she also felt tense lately. All the injuries, and hearing that Finn wasn't able to put his feet on the ground when she asked Dott about the details. It was hard to go to him because... what would they talk about? When Finn didn't want to talk to even Mash, let alone her?

At least now she got a chance to rest a bit before she is forced to face the real world again.

“I need to talk to you, dad. Can we sit down?”

“Oh… Mash, is this something serious?”

And Mash turned to Lemon, visibly giving a signal that he wished to be alone with his father which she understood and took a step back, but Regro obviously took the gesture differently as his cheeks slightly blushed.

"Yes, it is."

“Then Lemon can sit with us, right? Don't worry, I don't bite…”

Pops probably heard about Finn and knows Lemon is his friend, Mash thought. He wants us to stick together.

I’m getting introduced to Mash’s first girlfriend, Regro thought. She is such a nice girl, I need show my support!

When they got seated and started to eat the cream puffs, Lemon tried to look like she knew what was going on while Mash was probably looking for words to start with. Usually, conversations with his father were no problem for him, but this was harder than he expected.

Everything lately has been harder than he expected.

“No need to be so tense, Mash. How long have you been dating Lemon for?”

He just wanted to help get the conversation going, really. But Lemon immediately spat out the tea she was drinking and Mash forgot how to speak for a moment.

“W-w-what? I’m not dating Mash, Finn is! Almost!”

And then she realized what she said, she must have accidentally revealed something that Mash's father didn't know and nervously covered her lips with her hands as she turned red.

Regro wasn't drinking anything at the time, but surely would have spit out the drink otherwise.

“Wow, who knew bringing Lemon would get this conversation to the point this quickly?” Mash wasn't even mad, yet Lemon kept apologising for the following minute and Regro was trying to recover from the fact he made the situation so awkward.

“So it’s Finn, you’re… Isn't that the boy who got hurt during the exam, son? Is he getting better?”

He was trying to stay calm, really, but there were too many thoughts running through his head that he was afraid he was going to go mad. So Mash was interested in love, and he was dating, and he also liked boys. But he did remember Finn very well as a good-mannered and a kind student, Mash did mention that this boy was helping him a lot, and he did mention that he liked spending time with him, and how great he was and…

Were these subtle hints with which Mash tried to tell him? Regro still had some things to learn as a father, he realised.

“He’s not… That's why I’m here. Because I don't know what to do, pops.”

So Regro listened as Mash told him what happened during the exam and after, how everything got better before it got much worse, how he tried to fix everything yet it seemed like nothing was helping and how the boy who he loved so dearly now lay in silence, refusing to speak with anyone. 

His father wasn't the only one listening of course, Lemon was also perceiving Mash’s words and felt guilty she didn't even try to talk to Finn. Would it make a difference, to have more people cheering Finn up? Or would she just make it even worse?

“What am I doing wrong, pops? I promised I would make him happy, and now I can't…”

Regro thought for a moment, feeling quite taken aback by how lost his son looked like. Of course he wasn't surprised, hearing about what Finn went through left even him speechless for a moment, but Mash was counting on him.

He needed to give good advice here.

“He needs to have hope, Mash. I think all of you should show him that nothing has to change even if he does end up never walking again.”

“But… but he doesn't want to talk to us…”

“Yet he still listens, doesn't he? What he’s probably thinking is that his whole life will be different, and of course some things will change… But you’re all still going to be there for him, no?”

Of course they will.

Mash thought about all of this from the wrong angle and Finn probably did too. They all cried and pitied him, yet forgot about celebrating the fact he was still alive. 

They made him feel like he was still dying. And he probably started feeling that way. Pushing them all away so they wouldn't feel depressed while talking to him, saying he doesn't want to speak, eating less and less and losing the tract of time and space, all because he already felt like he lost.

Even his brother treated it like a loss. Mash too. But that wasn't it at all, Mash wanted to make him happy after all. They haven’t even started dating, they haven’t even kissed yet, this was not a loss.

Mash couldn't allow it to end up as one.

“Talk with him about your classes, about all the things you will be able to do. And for God’s Sake, take that boy outside! From what I’ve heard, he has been suffocating in that room for days, son…”

“And, just maybe, actually make him your boyfriend, Mash.” Added Lemon and Mash thought, then got up with a face full of newly found courage and wisdom.

Lemon was right. This was, like, the moment Finn wanted to see Mash the most.

“Thank you, Pops. Thank you, Lemon. I can fulfill my promise now.”

“Y-you're thanking me too, Mash? I didn't really do anything…” But Mash didn't take his thanks to the girl back, instead rushed for the door and, with a quick ‘goodbye’ sprinted back to school, leaving Lemon with his father alone.

“...h-hahah, me and Mash’s girlfriend? How silly…”

“Please, don't make this more embarrassing for me than it needs to be. But do tell me more about Finn before you go…”

***

Finn was awakened by a loud bang and the door opening, but he didn't turn from his position to look. There was silence for a moment, then footsteps near his bed and before he could recover, Lemon was standing right in front of him, kneeling by his bed so she could properly look him in the eye.

It was weird seeing her again. How long was it since he last…

“Okay Finn, so a crazy story…” He was surprised by the way she spoke to him, how normal she seemed. As if it was another normal day when she met him to go talk to him out of boredom. "Mash went to ask the nurse if he can take you outside for a few hours and she declined. So he asked her again after ten minutes and she declined again, and when he came again after an hour, she said she will forbid him to visit you if he asks again because she was certain Mash just wouldn't listen and go kidnap you anyway. So Mash obviously can't risk not seeing you.”

It was getting hard to follow her, but it was also… pleasant, to listen to her. She was smiling, pouting, putting actual emotions into her voice and Finn realised how much he missed this. Because Lemon knew, right? Yet she didn't look sad. 

“God, it really is stuffy in here, why didn't they open the window?”

"W-well, I..." But before he could explain, she went over and opened it herself, letting fresh air in. As she leaned out she heard and saw students passing by under them who turned to her in surprise before she went back to Finn who wasn't looking her way again.

"You want to go out, don't you?"

“Out? But you said that…”

And then she walked around the room for a while before returning to the spot next to Finn's bed, holding onto a wheelchair.

"If you don't tell anyone, it'll be fine, Finn!"

She was here for the first time since he woke up from deep sleep and she was already risking being banned from seeing him until he leaves this room again…

“So? What do you say?”

“O-okay… okay.”

Inside, she was insanely glad he really was talking to her since she knew even Mash couldn't get him to open up, but she wasn't going to mention that as she was sure it would make Finn just feel awkward.

Lemon knew what her goal was, she needed to get Finn talking as much as she could and then leave the rest to Mash. 

It was awkward and took longer than she anticipated but in the end, she got Finn in the wheelchair and sighed. Lemon did notice that Finn went quiet again as well, it must have felt weird to be in a sitting position like this after such a long time, and when he looked over to his legs, Lemon was also subjected to the way they looked.

Suddenly she realised why everyone else had such low hopes, why this was such a big deal. How could you hold hope inside of you when you see something like this?

But she didn't let herself get distracted, Lemon was ready for this. With a blanket in hand, she went over to Finn again and laid it over his legs, properly hiding them.

“It’s quite windy outside and we don't want you to catch a cold, right?”

“R-right…” 

He knew that wasn't the reason, but he was incredibly grateful to her. How did she know what he needed? How did she know what to say, what to do?

The only thing Lemon could think about was that she had to follow Mash's father's advice and try not to let anyone see her and Finn outside. Even Mash didn't know she was doing this and she had a plan.

The other students were turning around and whispering to each other as Lemon who was pushing Finn passed them in the hallway, but she wasn't worried about them. After all, they had no idea he wasn't supposed to be out. She had it properly planned, the nurse was just on break so she wouldn't be wandering around outside while she and Finn walked a bit before putting him back to bed.

She had to pat herself on the back, she was brilliant!

“You hear all these people, Finn?”

“Yeah… How could I not listen to people saying Mash should have just leave me there to die…” 

That's exactly why he wanted his window closed. It didn't take long before other students realised they were standing under his room. ‘Is that where the idiot who got himself almost killed is?’ ‘Can you believe they just stopped the exam because a few people got hurt? Unbelievable.’ ‘Did you hear that Rayne actually visits him? How can he not feel ashamed?’

‘What a disgrace…’

But Finn surprisingly didn't mind. It wasn't like what they were saying was wrong after all. He was used to hearing even worse things, but that was fine. Because…

“Because they're freaking cowards! You were so cool, Finn! Those guys wouldn't even think about protecting their non-existent friends before running away…”

Because he was lucky to have friends like this and now, he knew that no one would be able to take them away from him.

“It’s okay, Lemon. I… I have been thinking, a lot… And I have been getting lost a lot, but… It's strange. My legs are all messed up, but Rayne is talking to me again, and that makes me so happy… And Mash is…”

“Oh, right, Mash! My futu- No, wait. It’s your future husband now!”

Now they were standing further away from all the people, in a nice grassy spot and Lemon could properly see Finn's face go from calm to confused to embarrassed.

“W-what? H-how do you, well, uh…”

"I just know, Finn."

She might have been there when Mash admitted it, but she was too proud to have known it the moment Mash first sat for hours by Finn's bed, not moving.

It just reassured her that what she felt was not the love she thought it was. Of course she loved Mash, but when she thought about how she really felt lately, she knew that she couldn't give him what Mash wanted.

“Well, I… I messed up.”

“Messed up?”

“Doesn't he think that I don't want him anymore? I left him waiting, again… B-but I just didn't want him to see me like this, and he was getting so worried… And now I don't know how to tell him I love him again.”

Judgement from other people really didn't do anything to him but every time he heard Mash leaving his room while Finn gave him the silent treatment, it felt like he was betraying him. Betraying love.

“Finn, listen…” She sighed as she sat down in the grass, feeling strong wind ruffling her hair and seeing how happy the natural phenomenon made Finn. It really must have felt great, feeling again after staying locked up for days. “Do you know what Mash told me? That he thinks you don't want him to see you anymore. But that's not true, is it? You can't hide from him forever, there's no reason to.”

“I hoped I could stay happy, Lemon. So I waited until some happy feelings came back, because that way I wouldn't worry Mash, or my brother, or you…”

“Well, I think you made yourself sad by pushing everyone away, don't you think? Doesn't a day spent in bed sound better with friends by your side? With Mash by your side?”

And of course it did. Of course Finn wanted to wake up every day with someone by his side, but he was quiet every time Rayne gave him medicine, every time the nurse tried to get him to talk, whenever anyone tried, really. 

But if Lemon managed to hold a conversation with him and make him feel at ease, then wasn't it possible with anyone?

Could he finally face Mash after so much silence?

“Do you think it’s fine? To act like nothing happened…”

“I think it’s better than nothing, Finn. I mean… You want to actually start dating, right? I hope you do, or else I’ll go insane!”

He remembered the discussion he had with Mash, the fact they agreed on taking it easy until Finn gets better, but if he was never going to get better…

Could they just skip the ‘getting better’ part?

“...I’ll ask him to be my boyfriend the next time he visits. Is that… does that sound okay?”

“That's the spirit! Don't worry about it, I will give you all the tips, he won't be able to resist! Oh my god, did you know his ears are like, super sensitive! I learned the other day, and he talks with your brother all the time, and, and…”

Finn knew Lemon could be both serious and chaotic, he was quite worried her obsession with Mash would pose a problem, but talking with her was refreshing. He listened to her sharing the most random things about Mash that Finn has ever heard, but her voice was full of energy and happines, pleasant to listen to. 

Yet he had a bad feeling, a feeling that someone was watching them. Watching him.

“Lemon, do you think you could bring me something to drink?”

“Hmm? Of course, I’ll take you back and we can-”

“N-no, that's okay. You can just leave me here, I’d like to stay outside for a little bit more and no one’s here anyway, so it's fine.”

She was visibly hesitant, but Finn guessed that she was completely unaware of anyone being near them.

What the hell was he doing? Was he an idiot? Of course it wasn't okay to be left alone like this, but if Lemon stays, she could get…

No, not again…

“...okay, Finn. I’ll be super fast.”

Wanting to act normal was a big help, but also her biggest weakness right now. She didn't want to insist on taking him along, she didn't want him to feel powerless, so she gulped and turned around to run towards a place where she could get something to drink.

Finn just sat alone in his wheelchair, his palms slightly shaking as he felt the familiar presence, even stronger than before.

He really was stupid. But at least Lemon wouldn't be dragged into this.

“... I wouldn’t have hurt her…”

His whole body tensed and when Finn slowly turned his head, Carpaccio was standing behind his wheelchair, staring into his soul.

Finn didn't even register his words, he couldn't move again and when his hands found his own knees, he gripped them and shut his eyes.

It was just a matter of time, he guessed. All those nightmares finally manifested.

“You’re outside.” 

But nothing was happening. Carpaccio still stood in the same place, still looking info Finn’s face, still just… speaking.

Maybe this was a dream. Maybe the nice conversations with Lemon never happened.

“P-please, leave me alone…”

Finn slightly opened one of his eyes to see that Carpaccio lost a bit of his composure when he heard an answer to his words, then he walked and kneeled right in front of Finn, in front of his legs.

“I can't. I need to figure things out.”

“Just… just d-don’t hurt me again, p-please, I don't want this…”

He didn't know why he immediately switched to acting like a coward again. It wasn't like Carpaccio would listen to his pleads anyway, maybe he should have just stayed quiet and take what was comming for him.

Mash would worry.

In the corner of his eye, he saw something shine again and then glanced at Capraccio’s blade which he had pulled out of his pocket. This was it, he was probably getting ready to stab it right into his head, or heart, or…

But Carpaccio instead turned the blade towards himself and plunged it into his leg, the very one that had caused Finn excruciating pain at that very moment. The one with multiple cuts, the infected one, the one that Carpaccio dragged behind him in his dream as he limped away from his room.

When Carpaccio drew the blade back, it took no blood with it, nothing. His pants were cut, yet his leg was not.

Yet I feel the pain now, but no consequences…

“We’re… we’re still…”

“That is precisely why I cannot leave you alone.” 

The connection was still there, but Finn was getting confused. Was this real? The pain felt like it, just like when Carpaccio visited him every night, when he sliced his finger…

“When Mash Burnedead defeated me, something must have gone wrong. Our pain is still shared, yet it is not fair.”

They weren't dreams. Carpaccio stood there by his bed countless times. Waiting. Staring, Analyzing. 

“Why can I still stand and walk, Finn? I need you to help me.”

He didn't know what to expect from the word ‘help’, but it definitely wasn't the blade he suddenly got handed and now held in his trembling palms. 

“Stab yourself in the leg, okay?”

He wanted to go back to the moments when he just lied down in silence and was forced to listen to Carpaccio’s crazy talk. The knife felt heavy and deadly, Finn was also terrified of what the other student would do if he didn't do as he was told and other, strange thoughts began circling through his head.

If they were still connected, didn't that mean a stab would hurt Carpaccio too?

Was Finn really worrying about hurting Carpaccio after all that happened?

“I-I can't, that's… that's crazy.”

“But you need to. Don't you want to figure out this too? With me? Since…”

And then Carpaccio stood up and leaned over to Finn’s ear while gripping the sides of the wheelchair, whispering his next words which made Finn grip the handle of the blade much harder.

He uncovered his legs and found the place which was infected, finally knowing his fevers and pain must have been caused by the dirty knife now covered in rust, and aimed the blade directly above it. 

Carpaccio was gripping his own leg in anticipation, expecting pain, real good pain, but then Finn dropped the blade as he heard steps directed towards them. 

Lemon, holding a bottle of water while quickly walking over with her whole body shaking.

“F-Finn, talking to handsome men without me? What would Mash think about this!” Her laugh was so nervous, Carpaccio was obviously scaring her to death, but she gripped Finn’s wheelchair from behind anyway and put the best smile she could on her face.

Finn didn't want her to be here, he knew that Carpaccio had told him that he had no intentions of harming her but one could never be sure, still it was clear to him that Lemon was definitely not going to leave now.

“Let me talk to Finn.”

“I-I don't think I will. You see, I… I don't think I like you very much. And I don't think Finn does either.” 

Finn shuddered when he suddenly felt arms wrap around his neck, Lemon then proceeded to put her head on his shoulder and he felt her still trembling body. How long was she watching them before she got the courage to stand against Carpaccio?

Finn definitely wasn't the one who needed support in this situation, so he let her have this. 

“I see.”

“Then leave, or I’ll… Or I’ll do something very bad to you, and y-you’ll regret this!”

It wasn't like this would actually work, Carpaccio couldn't have looked less unimpressed, but then he shifted his focus onto Finn again and took the knife which he let fall before, almost tracing his own uninjured leg with it.

“Do you want me to leave, Finn?”

It was scary to think he didn't, that he wanted to talk to Carpaccio more, now that he was grasping the situation, his strange injuries.

But saying that in front of Lemon who looked like she would pass out wasn't a good idea.

“Y-yeah, Lemon’s pretty terrifying when she wants to be, so… so you should go…”

He still didn't feel great while saying it and Lemon was squeezing him for life, but Carpaccio surprisingly hid his knife and sighed in annoyance. 

He didn't say anything, but the last look he gave Finn said it all.

I'll be back, he indicated to him before starting to walk away, leaving them alone.

...

“Y-you're crazy, telling me to go away! I’m never leaving you alone ever again, Finn!”

He felt Lemon squeeze him even tighter and let out a loud sigh of relief, but Finn looked away in confusion as Lemon pressed against him and relived the moment he actually held the blade, ready to stab himself.

Carpaccio could have been lying to him, maybe he just wanted to hurt him more...

“It’s fine, Lemon. He’s gone.”

“You’re so calm! I’m supposed to be the calm one here! But I didn't do anything…”

And Finn didn't want to risk anything anymore. He should have been happy, he should have been happy that everything was looking up again, that maybe soon he would have a boyfriend, that he had something he could call a family again...

“I think your talk scared him away, Lemon. I mean… he would have never left if you wouldn't come, so thank you. Thank you for being here…”

And he really was grateful. If she didn't run over, Finn wouldn't have thought about it and he would have stabbed himself.

If she didn't visit him and take him outside, he would stay silent without any hope.

“Oh Finn, you charmer. If you really are grateful, than maybe don't tell anyone that I almost got you killed by leaving you alone? Just a small detail that, you know, wouldn't make a difference…”

“Of course.”

When she took him back, Finn knew she was speaking to him, but he couldn't remember any words that were said. His mind only focused on Carpaccio, on the blade, on the whispered words.

“But you need to. Don't you want to figure out this too? With me? Since there is a way how to nullify the damage and have your injuries completely healed… if you are willing to help me in return.”

Chapter Text

Dot was sitting and eating lunch when Lemon suddenly sat down next to him, moving incredibly close and almost making the boy's heart fly out of his mouth before she said her next words.

“So… you know Mash and Finn are in love, right?”

And that was the second shock of the day for Dot. He did, in fact, not know. The other students in the room turned to watch as he choked on his own food and Lemon had to punch him in the back to calm him down.

“What the hell are you talking about…”

"What, you don't see it? The looks, the touches, the emotions! And I heard Mash say it right in front of his dad’s face! Can you believe it? A love story is happening so close to us!”

The more he listened to her as he tried to eat today's lunch, the more he believed her. Of course he never thought about his friends that way, but when he started to…

At the same time, the words that Lance had told him when Mash desperately held bleeding Finn in his arms and begged for help flashed through his head.

'I've never seen Mash this upset before.'

There really was something to this, wasn't there?

“And?”

“What do you mean 'and', Dot? Give them some support!”

“That's not what I meant! You just mentioned it out of nowhere, what was the point of that?”

He knew that Lemon could often be quite unpredictable, of course he liked that about her, but he had no idea where this was going.

And was he the last one to know about this? Why was his action-adventure life suddenly turning into a rom-com?!

“Because I want to hear your opinion. They're in love, right? But they're not together yet.”

“What? Why aren’t they? I mean, if you’re in love, isn't that the first thing you do?”

“Right? And I talked with Finn a little bit and he said he would ask Mash to be his boyfriend. But guess what happened. Guess, Dot.”

She looked at him with an expectation that Dot couldn't disappoint. How the hell did he get into this situation? He knew next to nothing about love, how could he! And now Lemon wanted him to solve his two friends' relationship crisis?

He had to change his train of thought here. His normal thinking wasn't helping him at all, so he dropped his battle brain and instead grabbed all the knowledge he had gained from watching romance anime whenever he was feeling down.

“There's really only two options, right? Either Finn changed his mind and didn't say anything, or Mash didn't come to him at all. But when I see how stressed you are, I see it as option number two.”

“It is number two! Dot, I was so focused on talking to Finn that I completely forgot about Mash! That idiot!”

She suddenly started shaking Dot and he tried to calm her down again, but at the same time didn't mind that Lemon was giving him so much attention, even though the whole conversation wasn't concerning either of them.

"His father spoke to him, I was so sure he could do it! But he didn't stop by Finn's all day and when I asked him what the hell he was doing, he avoided answering. We have to fix this!”

“W-we?”

This was definitely a rom-com.

“Of course, you're my only hope! So you have to go to Mash and force him to man up so that he can go talk to Finn.”

He already understood, of course Lemon needed his help when she couldn't do it herself. Dot was perfect for this, Mash will have no idea what his intentions are when he goes to talk to Mash and he will be able to successfully convince him to get together and finally have a boyfriend!

And then Lemon realizes that Dot is the one for her and they will enjoy a life full of happiness and love! Perfect!

But it wasn't like Lemon would go for an ugly guy like him anyway, her type was more like…

“Why is Mash so worried anyway, if he knows his feelings are being returned? The dude’s hot and ripped, what more would you need?

“Because he has feelings, Dot. I think he’s scared of screwing it up. So you need to push some confidence into him, give Mash some tips on how to ask Finn out!’

“What makes you think I have any idea how to do that?”

He didn't want to disappoint Lemon, really, but she was expecting too much from him. Dot learned about their relationship literally today and she already expected he would solve all their problems?

Well, he was their friend, so he should at least try.

“Well, you can practice on me!”

What a wild suggestion, Dot had to stop himself before he could think of all the scenarios.

“...no, that's fine. I think I’ll manage. Just tell me all the details I need to know.”

And so they sat in the dining room for a while while Lemon shared all the details with him and then forced Dot to start writing them down. Now he definitely felt like a Mash and Finn expert.

Yes, for Lemon, he would become the best matchmaker at this academy!

***

“Is it true? That my legs can be healed, after all…”

Finn just wanted to take a quick nap but nearly had a heart attack when he opened his eyes in broad daylight to see Carpaccio bending over his bed.

There was awkward silence, and then some more after Carpaccio just sat on his bed and still stared at him, without any words.

He did indicate he would come back so Finn shouldn't have been this surprised, yet it was still weird. This was a person who almost killed him, who left him speechless for a week, but Finn was still willing to talk to him.

Because even after all Carpaccio did to him, the other student had all the time in the world to think. To think about the fact he didn't know what pain was, that messing with Finn must have felt like harmless fun. 

But now, he knew. And Finn was not scared of him, he was scared for him.

“They can be healed, if you’re willing.”

“Willing to do… what?”

“To help me, of course. I have never been connected to someone for such a long time, it feels… good…”

And then the blade came into play again, being pulled out of Carpaccio’s pocket and laid onto the bed. Finn was expected to picked it up, but he was more hesitant to do so now than before.

“I-I think you need to explain this whole thing to me more, Carpaccio. Before we do anything r-rash, right?”

“...What is there to explain?”

“Well… How this ends up healing my injuries, for example.”

Carpaccio seemed to think about it for a bit, but then suddenly reached out to Finn, grabbing the blanket covering his legs and pulling it away. He obviously only wanted to take a look at his injuries but Finn still definitely felt extremely awkward when Carpaccio’s cold hands gripped his thigh and examined the cuts and gashes leading to the infected and swollen wound.

“The reason why no treatment worked is because this is not your wound. It’s mine. I grab my blade and stick it deep into my meat, I twist it, I turn it, yet I had no injuries. Just pain, but sweet pain… Finally, pain…”

He seemed to get lost in himself, closing his eyes as he obsessively ran his fingers along Finn’s injuries, sighing in displeasure. But that was still not what Finn focused on. Surprisingly, Carpaccio’s touch was only a bit uncomfortable at first, now it just felt like when the nurse tried to examine him. 

“W-what? But why would you do that? Doesn't that… doesn't that hurt you too?”

“Then I heard where all my delicious consequences went. But that was okay, I knew you could endure this. I knew. So I waited. But the connection still hasn't broken off, and I’m very frustrated.”

The blade was pushed closer to Finn once again and he was forced to take it, less sure of himself than when he gripped it with such confidence before. Carpaccio was obviously still the only one who truly knew what was happening and his cryptic words weren't helping.

“So there has to be a solution, Finn. Help me find it, help me get what I want. I want more pain, I want it to be real. I want to taste what I have been missing all this time…”

“I don't want to cause you pain, I don't think…”

Fingers were suddenly touching the light scar on Finn’s neck, but it all felt different. Different from the time Mash did this, when Finn’s body shook in anticipation of Mash finally doing something.

Oh, how badly he missed him. But if he could greet him while standing up next time… If what was happening here is true…

“Then let us test it out, and see how your opinion changes, Finn.”

And before he could realise, his arms were being led, his hands positioned so the blade now faced his own neck, then Carpaccio let him go and stared from a distance.

Finn didn't think his heart has beaten so fast and hard ever before.

“One light, small cut should do. Then you’ll see.”

He didn't know what possessed him to suddenly make the move, because his neck immediately burned and his breathing started being difficult to control. Yet the blade carried no blood of his, nothing again. Only pain. Pure, sickening pain.

Finn was prepared to feel like an idiot again, to having to explain to his brother once again how and why did he get hurt, but then he saw red in the corner of his eye and he looked into Carpaccio’s confused, lively expression, the blood running from his neck and mixing with the white of the shirt he had on.

When Finn touched his throat again, the scar was nowhere to be felt. It was gone.

“Incredible… It’s coming back to me, me… The feeling when Mash made me bleed, it is back…” He dipped fingers into his own blood, smearing it over his skin in glee and the only thing Finn was able to do before he shook from his trance was to stare.

Wrong. This was all so wrong.

“N-no, that's not… that's not what I…” He watched as Carpaccio did nothing, he continued sitting on the bed and when it all clicked for Finn, he immediately turned over to his table and picked up some supplies the nurse usually left there in case of emergencies.

Carpaccio wasn't moving even when Finn, with great difficulties thanks to his legs, leaned over and nervously started to wipe all the blood and cleaned the smaller wound as best as he could. The quiet wizard was lucky it wasn't as serious as when Finn got his injury, but he still couldn't bear the thought of someone hurting. Even if the someone looked like he didn't care at all.

“What are you doing.”

“Stopping the bleeding, obviously! I’m sorry, I… I-I didn't know, I didn't know it would hurt you like this. I’ll make it better, okay?” The bleeding stopped rather soon and when Finn was satisfied with his work, he covered it with a patch. There he was, taking care of this guy… He didn't need gratitude, yet the response he got still punched him a little.

“... are you an idiot? An… actual, unreasonable idiot.”

“W-what?”

“Why are you like this?”

Why was he like this?

Finn already knew where this was going, why Carpaccio’s first thought when they were outside was to give him the knife and let Finn stab his own leg. 

Was he glad he didn't do it? Or was he regretting not taking action when he still didn't know what would happen? Without that little voice in his head which refused to hurt anyone. 

He really was an idiot.

“Is it bad? Not wanting to hurt you, even after what you did to me…”

“You’re weak. You can endure all the pain you want but if you won't pick up the blade yourself, you’re worthless. I want this, I need this. Are you denying me the only thing which can make me whole?”

If Carpaccio understood pain and still wanted more and more… What was Finn supposed to do? This wasn't his job, he didn't know how to help, yet he had the feeling he was the only one who Carpaccio talked about this with. 

Maybe he could at least try.

“You don't need pain, Carpaccio! Maybe the thing you need is just a… just a friend.”

“Do not tell me what I need, Finn. You do not understand and you never will, hence why my description of the situation was useless to you, after all.”

He suddenly stood up and without any prompt opened the window, looking out to see if anyone important was around. Then he glanced at Finn again, his face still full of resentment and… innocent confusion.

“Our time is almost over. This discussion had no point, nothing you did had a reason. But I will change your mind.”

“If it means you would be the one incapable of walking instead of me, then I don't want you to.”

But Carpaccio only scoffed as he faced the window and jumped out, missing the nurse who walked in just after.

How long has he watched Finn and his surroundings to time things so well?

***

“Isn't this a great day, Mash? Perfect for making life-changing decisions, like getting a partner, am I right?”

Mash just bit into a cream puff he baked and then looked at Dot who stayed with him, helping before finally getting to the point. There was no way the quiet boy could figure out his intentions.

Nailed it.

“...I guess.”

“But, I mean, that probably doesn't mean anything to you. A guy like you definitely has a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend, perhaps?”

“...perhaps not.”

He continued to eat as if nothing happened, Dot didn't know if he wanted to avoid the topic or if he was just giving minimal information on purpose and stopped having ideas on how to proceed. That bastard Lemon knew very well why she threw this at Dot!

“You don't? Well, is there anyone you’re interested in…? You know, just between us guys…”

Mash visibly hesitated, his cheeks turning slightly red as well, before turning to his friend again, completely serious.

“... I can't tell you just like that, Dot.”

“O-oh, well… If you’re not comfortable, then-”

“That's not what I meant. Lemon told me this stuff can only be shared at a sleepover. But I never had a sleepover, so I am forbidden to tell you.”

Dot could only stare at him for a moment, but then realized that was exactly the kind of thing Lemon would say. 'That's what friends do, Mash! They get together in one room and drink tea and eat sweets while blushing and laughing and talking about who likes who! But between us, that would be disrespectful because I'm a girl, so go and have sleepovers with guys you pervert!'

He was capable of doing anything for the cause at this point.

There really was at least one sleepover in every rom-com imaginable, wasn't there…

“We will have a ‘sleepover’ then, let's go!”

“But it’s not nightime yet-”

“That doesn't matter, we’re going to your room right now!” 

There was no way he was going to wait until the next day for Mash to talk to Finn, that poor guy was being left alone for too long by now!

So now they sat at Mash's bed, with a poor excuse for a party which included Dot’s tea and a few cream puffs which Mash brought over, and Dot got ready to ask that wretched question once again.

“Sooo… is there someone special, Mash?”

“...yes.”

“That's perfect then! You know, as your bro, I can totally help.”

At least he thought he could, but the situation already got so ridiculous that he was getting lost. It was supposed to be serious, right? Because Finn was hurt and Mash was apparently hurting too, and everything between them got so complicated that they weren't able to become boyfriends yet.

So why were they having a ‘sleepover’ all of a sudden! And they weren't even going to sleep!

“...I really like Finn.”

“O-oh! Finn? Dude, that's, that's great, that’s… I totally didn't expect that, I mean, wow…”

Nailed it again. He was great at this!

“And I want him to be my boyfriend.”

“And…?”

“And I’m not good at this. I don't know what to say to him.”

He obviously wasn't. Even Dot was sure that in some other, wild universe, he himself would be able to confess love to Finn and marry him before Mash would get to man up and say a single word to him.

But that’s why he was here! Mash really was lucky.

“What are you missing, then? Both of you do seem pretty compatible to me.”

“...I guess I’m nervous. I already confessed, and he confessed. And then everything happened and I feel like… I feel like I baked the perfect cream puff, with the perfect filling inside, and then put it in the oven and burned it into oblivion.”

Okay, that sounded pretty bad.

“But that's okay, because Dot is here. I put everything into your hands. Please solve my crisis.”

What did Lemon actually tell him?! Why did he suddenly become the only thing which was holding Mash’s and Finn’s love story together?

“Okay, okay… We need to find a good approach. Let's talk about your strengths and put them to a perfect use. You’re a good looking guy, with a good heart and like, the perfect build. And Finn is… he… he’s…”

Oh God, he was about to say something really bad, wasn't he? And the fact he stopped was even worse!

“What?” And Mash immediately latched onto it, looking at Dot in confusion and asking again when he saw the other student just stayed quiet.

“Finn is what, Dot?”

“Well, he’s not really the guy someone would go for in a rom-com, is he.”

“In a what?”

He was confusing Mash even more, but how was he supposed to solve this? He definitely chose the wrong way how to start, who was he to judge someone’s preferences? Finn was a great dude, really, but Dot tried to look at this from a perspective of someone who was at the very top, who had the chance to choose from the best.

Maybe he was just fishing for Mash’s reaction, to see how he really felt since he was obviously still nervous to say anything.

“Nevermind that, what I mean is… No, no ‘nevermind’, imagine a romantic story, Mash! And you have the stupidly hot, most jacked guy in existence, of course he ends up with the hottest, cutest girl around! They never give a chance to someone who… well, whose face is freckled and who is timid and who stays on the sidelines.”

Maybe Dot’s real problem was the fact he couldn't understand why Mash wouldn't choose Lemon when she was so obviously interested from the very start they met. So what did Mash see in Finn? Wasn't even his brother a better choice for a partner at this point?

“...I think Finn is cute, Dot. Is that a problem?”

There he goes. Exactly what Dot was looking for.

“It could be if that's the only thing you can say about him.”

“Of course it’s not. Finn’s really nice, and he helps me a lot. So I want to do lots of helpful things for him in return. If I want to kiss him and hold him close, is that bad? I don't really care if someone thinks I shouldn't be with him.”

Goddamnit, why was Dot feeling jealous out of a sudden?! Why was Mash nervous at this point, he literally had the perfect setup and the perfect words!

“There you have it, then. Why don't you say these things to Finn before you ask him? He still must be feeling down from all that happened, yeah? I think those words could cheer him up.”

Mash was thinking it over, probably not realizing that was a possibility before but that was understandable. If he really was this nervous, then all his thoughts must have been getting mixed up in his head.

“... sounds nice. I think he would like that.”

“You see? But you still need to remember that you need to actually be by his side. It’s nice you think about him like this, but what is it good for if you’re not there?”

Mash was here again, scared about messing everything up but still ruining things by wanting them to go smoothly. How many people was it now that had to help him? 

Love was still so confusing…

“I’m being a coward.”

“I get it, you don't want to ruin stuff. But that's also kinda… you, you know? It would be weird for you to change one day and stop holding doors in your hands and not baking cream puffs any chance you get. But even that's a part of your charm, goddamnit! To hell with you hot guys…”

Dot was getting lost in his own world again but Mash started to understand. What his pops meant when he said to just act normal, why Lemon started to push him into just asking Finn out instead of waiting for things to get ‘better’. Why even Dot could understand, yet these things got into Mash’s head slower than they should.

What was he doing here? He should be by Finn’s side, not sulking here. 

“You’re right. I need to see him today, I need to… I need to tell him.”

“Okay, slow down dude. Now that you know, you can't just tell him.”

This was getting more complicated by the minute, but Mash was determined to do anything he needed. For Finn.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’re asking him to be your boyfriend. Don't you want it to be special? It’s a pretty big deal, I would say.”

“Isn’t what we have special enough already? I’m ready to do anything for Finn, what else should I think of?

And Dot coughed, his cheeks getting red from embarrassment and anger as he saw that Mash was able to say these things with a completely straight face.

“That's disgustingly sweet, really, but you need… you know…”

But Mash never asked anyone out again, so of course he didn't know. And one glance at Dot was enough to realize that he in fact also had zero idea.

“...do I need something boyfriend-specific? Like…” But Mash didn't even know where to start thinking about this. Was this the end of Dot’s great saga of helping with something he didn't even understand himself? Would he have to leave Mash to this alone? But that wasn't really fair, they had a whole ‘sleepover’ and everything for this…

No, he could still help. But it wouldn't be his to bear anymore. Sorry, Lemon! This is as far as I can go for now!

“Okay, this isn't working out, but I had an idea in mind… You know, we could go talk to an actual couple for some inspiration.”

“Do you know any ‘actual’ couples?”

“Duh, Mash. I’m surrounded by annoying, pretty people. Of course they all have boyfriends and girlfriends.”

And as he started going through all the potential people they could visit in his head, an obvious answer popped into Dot’s mind. So obvious that he wasn't sure if Mash hasn't already talked to them, yet he was also aware that he didn't really talk about to this to anyone.

“Wait, you also know some people, don't you? Better than I do, actually.”

“...do I?”

Dot let him think for a second but when Mash continued to just stare, he loudly sighed and stood up. He still had to help, after all.

“Okay, let's find them you dumbass.”

***

“It is your turn, dear.”

“I’m quite aware. Let me think, will you?” 

In the end, Dot and Mash found them outside, playing cards at one of the benches and hid behind a wall before approaching them.

It was fair to say that Mash was even more confused than before.

“Dot, why are we spying on Abel and Abyss?”

“How dense are you? Don't tell me you seriously didn't know, these guys kiss every chance they… nevermind.”

He quickly realised he acted like a hypocrite. Wasn't he the one freaking out about Mash and Finn when Lemon told him? But that was different! Totally! They never kissed, at least in front of him, or even held hands, how was he supposed to know!

Lemon was too good at this…

“Look at them, just casually playing cards and being all lovey-dovey, unbelievable.”

“Is playing cards only allowed when you’re dating? I didn't know that…”

Dot was fully ready to explain card rules to Mash like an idiot as it seemed like he really believed what he just said, but then felt a murderous gaze on himself and realised they got noticed.

It wasn't like they were properly hiding anyway.

“It seems we are being spied on, Abel.”

“Do you want me to… take care of them?” It sounded quite sinister, but Abyss just chuckled with a smile on his face. 

“I don't think that will be necessary. I’m sure they come in peace, darling.”

Curse Mash and his abnormally huge build incapable of hiding literally anywhere!

Abel whispered something to Abyss as he started to get up and before he left, he placed a small kiss on his lips and then walked right past the two watching students with a quiet greeting.

“I’ll leave you to it then Mash, just talk and pick up some tips from the dude, okay?” And before Mash could even argue or beg Dot to not leave, the red-haired boy was already gone.

How rude.

But now Mash had no choice, he didn't just want to leave after creating expectations for conversations and came closer until he sat next to Abyss.

“Care for a game of cards, Mash?”

“Oh, no. I’m in love with someone else, so I have to decline.”

Abyss had no idea what he was talking about but even so he laughed at all the possibilities of Mash’s words.

“Does this lucky someone despise cards or just the thought of you losing to another man?”

“...neither, I think? Dot informed me it would be rude.” 

So here was the problem. Abyss gave him cards after all and when Mash was about to object, Abel returned with a glass of water and gave it to his, apparently, boyfriend who quickly thanked him.

“I think Dot was joking, or there was a misunderstanding, Mash. We can have a friendly game of cards.”

“...oh. That makes sense.”

So they played for a bit, but Mash just couldn't focus. The thing taking his attention away was the fact that Abel now stood behind Abyss, having hands in his long hair and making it into a ponytail once again. Mash did notice Abyss’ hair was quite messy before, but that wasn't what was worrying him. This was exactly why he came to talk to them, wasn't it?

Mash couldn't just stay here all day playing cards though.

“I’m sorry. I didn't know the two of you were together, I really should work on my romance awareness.”

“A-ah, I don't think there's a need to apologize? We don't really make a big deal out of it, so it’s understandable you didn't know. I, for one, had no idea you were also dating someone?”

“I’m not. Yet. I’m planning on it.”

He lost his first game and he could hear a quiet ‘good job, dear’ from Abel’s mouth, but Abyss did look like he knew Mash wasn't really paying any attention to the game. It was just something to do with his hands while he thought about them together, about himself and Finn together.

He would also say he did a good job, and then accompany those words with a kiss. Well, Finn’s hair wasn't really that long to mess with, neither was Mash’s, but surely they could find something else to do?

“I guess that's why you came to speak to me, then? To us…”

“Yes, that's right. I need to know what to do when I get to the part of asking out. I badly need to know.”

He saw how the two looked at each other for a moment, thought for a while, but neither of them had much to say. Was it awkward? Or was Mash invading their privacy too much? He really didn't know what he was doing.

"You probably don't want to hear to just be yourself, do you?"

"I've heard that several times. And I know it will work, but it's not special enough. I was hoping for some advice…”

“Showcase your best abilities.” Abel suddenly spoke when he was done with his boyfriend’s hair and then got weirdly close to Mash, staring into his face. “You cannot hesitate or your beloved will hesitate too. You cannot make them uncomfortable, you cannot feel uncomfortable. So do what you, and only you, can do best.”

“What I can do best…” Abel’s advice was quite intimidating, but it was also straight to the point and Mash liked that. “I can bake cream puffs.”

“Then bake cream puffs and bring them. Make your beloved feel comfortable and at ease. What else?”

“What else…” He could actually envision it now, walking into the room with freshly baked pastries and filling Finn’s hungry stomach, making him happy. They definitely didn't need to know that they haven’t really spoken to each other for days and the atmosphere will probably be quite tense. “I can… compliment…”

He still remembered what Dot told him and hammered those words into his head.

“Then compliment, yet you need to choose good words, Mash. Show your strength in words, not only in body. Make it known that you will pursue to all hells anyone who dares to only lay one bad touch on their precious body.”

“...I don't think that would be appreciated.”

“That's kinda only your thing, dear…” Whispered Abyss with a smile and that was Abel’s signal to distance himself from the conversation again. But all nervousness was suddenly gone, replaced with the much needed courage and Abyss immediately recognised that.

“Do you… think you know what to do now, Mash?”

“Bake cream puffs. Compliment. Show off my sweet bod and my great vocabulary. I think I got it, Abyss. And thank you, Abel.” The gratitude was acknowledged with a nod and Mash didn't even wait for a response before saying goodbye and leaving.

He didn't need anything else. This was definitely perfect and nothing, absolutely nothing could go wrong.

As Mash disappeared, Abel was handed the cards again and when they started playing, Abyss still wasn't able to get his nervous friend out of his head.

“I do wonder who managed to sway Mash’s heart like this… Do you think that really was the best advice, darling?”

“It doesn't matter what advice a person gets, they all forget about it in the moment either way and truly speak from their heart. I did too, back then…”

It was a long time ago, so Abyss decided to be merciful and not remind him that what Abel did was to stay quiet for a few minutes and then pull out pre-written notes to actually say what was needed.

Abyss still thought it was the sweetest and most genuine confession he could ever get. Mash will be probably fine.

***

“You ready to head out there, then?”

It was getting dark outside and when Dot went to meet Mash for the last time today, he saw him standing by a mirror, staring at himself. He fiddled with the sleeves of his cloak, his hair was falling into his face, and he also checked the cream puffs that were already made and ready for consumption.

"I think I'm ready. Any last tips?”

And Dot began to examine him for a moment, walking around, then sighed as he grabbed Mash by his cloak.

“Maybe lose the cloak. You know, to show what you have to offer. That's what Abel suggested, right? ”

“...do you think Finn actually likes that? I thought about it, but I never got the impression he particularly cared about all this.” 

“Of course you didn't, it’s supposed to be embarrassing to like that stuff! So it's not like he would straight up told you…” Mash stopped for a second, but then did take the cloak off and looked at himself in the mirror again, only in his white shirt and dark pants.

He never really stopped to take a better look at himself, at his body. Because the main point was always to be strong so he could protect. Yet he knew what it was like to find someone attractive, Finn definitely was, so did Finn see him in a familiar light?

“What about now?”

“I absolutely hate it, but I’m sure Finn would disagree with me.”

“You’re giving me really mixed signals.”

But he had to admit that he looked more comfortable this way. He planned to talk, a lot, and also share some information he had gotten out of the nurse earlier today to make him happy.

But he must not forget his own goal first.

“Just go in there already, you’ve made him wait long enough, idiot!”

So Dot finally pushed him to the door and before Mash could even get ready, he knocked for him and then ran down the hall with his thumbs up again before a voice from the other side called him in, sounding slightly nervously.

Finn's voice. And he sounded… okay.

It would be awkward to leave now, so he quickly opened the door and took a deep breath before walking in and looking around. It was cold in there, the window was wide open, and Finn sat with his hands tucked under the blanket as he looked at the door, at Mash, in surprise.

He didn't expect to see him here again.

“Mash… You're here, I… You're really here…”

No more silence. Finn was actually talking to him, actually wanted him to be here. Just the thought made Mash relax, made him able to think more clearly.

“Can I come in?” It was still better to ask if Finn wasn't feeling well yet but he could tell by his face that wasn't the case anymore. 

“Of course, s-sorry about before! I wasn't really, well…”

“It’s okay.” He closed the door behind him and as he placed the cream puffs on one of the tables, he walked over to the window to close it as he saw that Finn wasn't completely warm. Who the hell left it open like that anyway?

“I don't think it is… You came here so often and I didn't say a word, it wasn't fair, was it?”

"You're thinking about it wrong. I came because I wanted to be here, not because I wanted to force you to talk to me. But that was wrong. I'm ready to make up for it all."

Finn quieted down as Mash returned to his bed with the plate and then moved a little to make room for Mash.

They were finally together again, alone, and both ready to say the one question that had been tormenting them for days. What they should have gotten to a long time ago, but fate most likely hated them.

But neither of them started. Mash realized with horror that his throat had locked up, refusing to let anything concerning love come out and Finn's eyes were on Mash, focusing on the way he looked without his cloak and still holding the plate in his hand, showing off those famous muscles that were usually hidden under the over-sized sleeves.

Was he here to kill him with that look?! How was he supposed to look him in the eyes!

"I made cream puffs… You probably haven't had one in a long time, have you?"

"That's true... I missed your baking a lot..." He immediately took it as soon as Mash offered it to him and when he finally had the chance to taste it, he couldn't help but close his eyes with a smile. He felt like he was standing in the kitchen again, tasting Mash's fresh baking as soon as it was ready.

He always got the first of every batch even though Mash had always reserved this opportunity for himself before. He would call him over to see if Finn could help him and then watch him taste their work. Of course it was never about the cream puffs for him, spending that time with Mash was worth much more to him, but the taste in his mouth was already forever associated with how much he truly loved everything about the boy.

“...are they good?”

“You don't even know how good. You would hate the stuff the nurse makes me eat and drink. Did you add less sugar this time?” 

“I actually made the same ones a few days ago but you weren't in the state to eat them, so Rayne tasted them instead… It’s good to know both of you enjoy these.” He ate one himself, also quite liking the taste even though he did fancy them on the sweeter side more. His words visibly shook Finn a little bit, imagining someone like Rayne eating something like this must have been quite unusual.

“My brother ate cream puffs? That's…” 

It was kinda sweet, honestly.

"He looked like he needed it then. Rayne was leaving your room that day and seemed kinda messed up. Cream puffs make everything better, don't they?”

Messed up… It must have been the day he found Finn bleeding on the ground, when he had to stitch his neck back up, and when Finn first realized that he… cared…

He wanted to run his palm over the wound instinctively but of course his fingers didn't find it there. It was already gone thanks to Carpaccio, but he didn't think of the fact that it no longer being there was much more visible than when it was there. At least Mash noticed right away.

"The neck wound is gone..."

"Y-yeah, the nurse gave me something for it and it healed quickly..."

He knew very well why he lied, he didn't even want to think about what Mash would say to an answer like 'Yeah, Carpaccio visited me and told me to cut my throat, so I did and the wound disappeared.'

He lied to him again, again. But what was he supposed to do? After all, if he changes his mind and can heal all his injuries this way, wasn't it worth keeping quiet and not revealing this plan?

If Mash had known, he would surely have made sure that Carpaccio would never set foot here again. That thought only made Finn hide the object he had been holding under the blanket more and swallow.

Even so, Mash seemed to trust him.

Sorry, Mash.

“That's good. I’m glad.”

Quiet again. They ate in silence for a while, just enjoying each other’s company, but no one was ready to actually bring up the topic of a relationship. Mash thought he was doing everything right, here he was without a cloak and with cream puffs and now he just needed words, but how was he supposed to start? He wanted it to be perfect, or at least good enough.

Finn knew he promised Lemon he would ask but that was yesterday. His confidence was instantly gone when Mash was actually sitting here a day later.

“Mash-”

“I give up. I cannot do this after all.”

If Rayne lost to pain before, has Mash lost to love right now? 

“I got help. I got a lot of help. I spoke to Lemon and Pops. I bothered Dot, I got advice from Abel and Abyss. I got closer to your brother. But I still cannot get some feelings out of my chest, it's weird. Maybe I should have talked to Lance more…”

He was the one who confessed first, wasn't he? It should be easy now that he knows, that he has Finn's heart all to himself. When he has so much support, when he knows all Finn needs is hope. 

In the end, he still was a clueless boy raised in the woods by his father, stepping into the unknown. This cute roommate of his just needed a few words to lovingly jump into his arms, yet there was so much space for failure, wasn't there? 

What was love anyway?

“I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds like a lot.”

“I said it before. That love might be too strong of a word. It might be too strong for me. I wanted to see you all this time. I wanted to talk to you, but I think I’m… scared. I told Rayne I felt like this, that I was terrified of love but I still am. I have never been this scared before.”

Finn knew Mash was a person who liked to head into everything strong, no matter what stood in his way. This might have been the first time he got aware of the consequences, that he didn't really know love was… this. That he would want, that he would feel. Finn was aware, of course, but what he wasn't ready for was the strenght with which he apparently attracted Mash. That he was so desirable to someone like him. To anyone, really.

“Am I… the first person to hear this, Mash?”

“I think your brother would be quite angry if he heard this, I told him I am quite determined. I don't think the others got the idea even though I wasn't really that great at dealing with everything.”

“Okay then… Let me show you how scared I am, Mash.” Finn took Mash's hand and lifted it up, placing it on his own chest. It was beating crazy fast, Mash was able to feel every movement and it only increased in speed with his touch.

“Everything got so difficult these last days, and it still is! You confessed, and then my legs got screwed over and no one knew how to talk to me, and now I hear how you felt all this time… So I don't want this to be so complicated at least! I don't… I don't want you, or me to be scared of this. You think I know what this kind of love is? I have no idea, but there's one thing I know, and that is the fact it’s not supposed to be this horrifying!”

It was his instinct to stand up for Mash again. The one that got in his way every time Mash got mocked for his background, for his lack of magic. They couldn't dance around this forever and if they both felt scared, at least one of them had to get over the embarrassment and make sure it would be all okay.

“...Finn got so honest out of nowhere…

“Well, I’m showing you that being honest is better than feeling scared. Even though I will definitely wake up tomorrow and feel embarrassed…”

“What are you suggesting then?”

He felt Finn’s heartbeat slow down as he thought, but he refused to remove his palm from the chest. It was sort of calming to touch him this way, to feel what he feels.

“For you to tell me why you love me, Mash. Won't that clear up at least a little bit of what love is to you?”

“Tell him what you like about him you idiot!” Mash could almost hear Dot screaming into his ear. “That was what I suggested, isn't it? So just go for it!”

He was good at being brutally honest, after all.

“...you’ve been here for me all this time, Finn. I don't think there ever was a possibility to not feel this way. You showed me around, you lent me your things, and then you protected me even though you barely knew me… You kept sticking to my side even though you keep getting hurt, and then you still stay nice even to those who were mean to you.”

“...but isn't that bad? Not… not wanting to hurt anyone, no matter the consequences.”

The blade under Finn’s covers was screaming about its existence once again.

“I think it’s a weakness. But not all weaknesses are a bad thing. That's why I’m here, to make sure your good nature won't get you hurt ever again, so you can continue to stay kind… I don't want you to lose that.”

Oh, how Finn wanted to scream and cry, tell him everything that has been happening behind his back. He wanted Mash to yell at him to stab his own legs so he would heal, because it felt like he would never gather the will to do it himself.

“...I really like how your face goes all red when I say things you like. And how you look like when you eat my cream puffs… It feels nice to be appreciated by you, I think.”

Finn's face was definitely red right now if it wasn't before. Mash goes about how scared he is and then he says all of those things to him, that really wasn't fair…

“... is looking for a definition of love just… stupid? Can't it be just a word to describe how I feel towards you, and nothing more? That doesn't sound scary at all. See?” And then it was Mash’s turn to grab Finn’s palm and place it near his own heart. Calm, at peace, satisfied. 

They were so close to each other now, holding the other and looking into their faces while Finn fought the urge to move his palm around to explore more of Mash’s comfortable body. He suddenly forgot about the knife, or Carpaccio at all. About the fact he couldn't move his legs or the concept of fear at all. Because Mash was here and he loved him no matter what.

“Show me how you love me too, Finn.”

But Finn felt speechless after what he just heard, yet that wouldn't do. He had too many thoughts and he needed a little bit more time to sort them. Finn didn't want to leave him waiting again though, because waiting never helped them, did it?

“...okay.”

He didn't really think while he did it but what he did know was that he really wanted to kiss Mash, which is why the strong student now wrapped his strong arms around him as Finn started pressing his lips to his.

This was the cheesiest thing Finn could do as a response to Mash’s request, but it was also good enough since Mash was clearly enjoying himself.

It was also a good excuse for Finn to finally move his hands around, to feel Mash’s defined biceps and think about how these arms were able to lift him up so easily, how much Mash must have worked out before he came to this school.

Anyone could say what they wanted, but wasn't that so much cooler than those who looked for strenght in magic with which they were born to begin with?

The more Finn thought about Mash, the more he couldn't believe a guy like him was his...

Finn quickly backed out from the kiss with a heavy breath and looked into Mash’s slightly flushed, confused face. 

“I completely forgot! Mash, I really want you to be my boyfriend.”

“...oh.” It took him a while to snap out of his trance and process what Finn was saying to him. “...I would like you to be my… boyfriend too. If that's okay.”

It just felt ridiculous now, but Finn really wanted to be sure.

“Of course that's okay… That wasn't so hard and scary, was it?”

“Yeah… I feel much better now, that you’re my boyfriend, Finn.” And then he got closer to Finn’s face again, still holding him and pressing him closer to himself while initiating another, much needed kiss. Mash couldn't get enough now that he knew how this felt, how love felt. How Finn ran his hands around him to make sure he was really there, maybe also because he really did like how strong Mash was.

Dot was right, then. Mash knew he had to pester him later about the fact he knew so much and yet didn't have a partner himself.

And then he felt a touch running up his shoulder, neck, jaw, all the way up to his ear which Finn slowly started carresing between his thumb and index finger, definitely making Mash stop all his movements and basically short-circuited him. Lemon must have told him, but he didn't mind at all. It just made it really difficult to focus on contributing to their kiss, really.

Finn leaned away from him after a while, but still staying close and laying his head on Mash’s shoulder, saying his next words right next to the same ear. He definitely knew what he was doing, Lemon will get a piece of Mash's mind after all. Everyone will, it seemed.

“I just feel so at ease, when I can be with you, Mash… It wasn't like that before, I was quite scared to be around you at first, I admit… But when you called me your friend, I felt like a fool… I felt like a fool every time I tried to tell myself I definitely wasn't in love, because that's what this is. Love. I love you, Mash.”

I love you, Mash, he said when he was bleeding in his arms, when he was waking up from his long sleep and afraid Mash didn't know. And he was saying it again, because the thought of him not knowing was scarier than love itself.

He got a glimpse of Mash’s still reddening face and happily smiled. Finn did whisper all of that right in is ear and he knew Lemon would go insane if she knew.

But she won't since this is only something for the two of us, he thought as he started kissing the side of Mash’s ear after finishing his words, making the other boy go partially limp in his embrace. All he could hear were soft sighs, all he could feel was the way Mash trembled from satisfaction, all he could think about was the fact that he was doing this, that he was able to make his new boyfriend relax and forget about all his burdens for at least a little longer.

He didn't have to fight, or protect, or make his way up to become a Divine Visionary for now. Being Mash Burnedead was good enough.

One of Mash’s hands found its way up into Finn’s hair and started caressing it, so Finn naturaly wanted to do more for the other boy as the touch felt so comfortable and so loving…

Touching his other ear at the same time definitely wasn't something Mash could deal at the moment though, and Finn was about to learn the consequences.

“You’re going to kill me, Finn…”

And then his full weight just gave up, fully supporting itself onto Finn who couldn't withstand it and both of them fell down onto the bed. 

“M-mash? I’m sorry, really! Are you okay?!”

They both definitely needed a break.

~~~

“The nurse told me that I will finally be able to take you out. We will be able to go anywhere you want.”

They started quiet, brief conversations after a few minutes of just laying down and Finn definitely got pulled into the not-so-pleasant reality again.

“O-oh… That's… that's amazing! I cannot wait…"

His lies caught up to him again, but he couldn't possibly say that he has been outside already. He would be ruining the feelings of both Mash who looked really happy and Lemon who could get into serious trouble for breaking the rules.

"Can we go to town then? I would like to look around…”

"Of course, Finn."

That way he at least looks beyond the school grounds and minimizes the chance of meeting Carpaccio. In fact, he was still afraid of what Mash would do if he even caught sight of the other wizard near them.

Carpaccio… Was there really no other way?

Walking in the city, with Mash… It sounded normal, but it wasn't supposed to be normal, was it? Because Finn will have to be in the wheelchair again, and everyone around will be watching them. When will Finn get used to this?

When will Mash get used to this? He obviously wasn't reconciled with it yet.

He wouldn't even have to be if…

"In that case, I'll get a good rest..."

“I’ll leave you to it, then.”

And before Mash left as he stood up, he briefly remembered Abel and Abyss, how happy they were when they were near each other, how they said goodbye, and bent down to give Finn a light kiss.

“...good night.”

Finn watched him leave, his heart loudly beating but for a different reason. 

That was so… normal, Mash kissing him before leaving. So happy, so loving, so…

Finn wanted it to be even better. He yearned for walking, for dancing, for strenght.

He had a weakness, but it didn't have to be there.

He leaned on his palm and with the other hand pulled out a blade from under the sheets, a new and clean one that he had requested when Carpaccio was here before Mash. Uncovering the blanket, he looked at the disgusting wound and swallowed as the knife was aimed at it.

For the next hour, Finn bit down the blanked in between his teeth as he tried to muffle his screaming while he cut and cut and cut.

***

“...so I told him to get rid of that cloak too, you know?”

“Well, of course! Mash needs to realise that his body is like a reincarnation of a God! Good job, Dot! I knew I came to the right guy.”

Dot went to find Lemon right after leaving Mash and he couldn't have made a better decision. She ate up every word he said to her, laughing and crying and cheering. They were still walking around the school even when the Sun started to set down and in the end found a bench to relax on.

“Of course you did! There's no way Mash messes this up, he got help from literally everyone."

“And don't forget the fact they know they like each other! Just thinking about how sweet they will be together makes me melt…”

She sure got over Mash quickly, he though, but that was probably a good sign that it wasn't really that serious. Maybe he still got a chance if he-”

Something suddenly flew extremely fast towards them and fell to the ground so close to Lemon that if she was sitting down just a little bit more to the right, whe would be split apart just like a part of the bench they sat on. She screeched as she quickly got up, pushing herself onto Dot who followed her while getting his wand out.

His face would be red and he would sweat from embarrassment and excitement in any other situation, but this was terrifying.

“W-what the hell…!” He recognized the attacking item too well when he took a look at it.

Partisan.

Its owner soon reached them with heavy steps, Dot instinctively put an arm around the shaking girl and when he looked into Rayne’s face, he almost sensed a killing intent.

Yet the brother didn't say anything for a long while, other swords were surrounding him and it looked like he was barely holding himself from sending them their way.

“Dude, what the hell. You could have killed her!”

“And that is only one of the things I quite wish to do to her, do trust me.”

He stepped even closer, his expression perhaps only worsening, and when Lemon squeezed Dot in her grip, Rayne finally managed to push the words through his anger.

“Stealing a wheelchair which was locked up in the nurse’s office, taking my brother out even though it was strictly forbidden, leaving him on his own and just casually walking away. And not reporting the fact Carpaccio Luo-Yang showed up, while Finn was alone? Do you need me to continue, Lemon?”

Dot heard all this from Lemon before, but he definitely wasn't aware that Carpaccio showed up during Finn’s visit outside. One look at Lemon told him that she was caught in the act, but she still tried to nervously laugh it off. Probably her self-defence mechanism.

“...to be fair, I thought I was being pretty smart.”

“It is quite difficult to call this ‘smart’ when you hear the same story from at least ten different students who saw you from afar.”

The thought none of them stepped in and just watched hurt Rayne perhaps even more.

“Well, I just… I… Wasn't I doing the right thing?”

“How dare you say something like that, to let something like that leave your mouth. These things are not allowed for a reason, do you think the nurse was joking, perhaps? Or what possessed you to do something so idiotic-”

“That's enough. I won't stand for this, asshole!” Dot still wasn't hiding his wand, even though he knew he didn't look even a little bit intimidating to Rayne. Lemon was in the right here, wasn't she? Because no matter how you look at it…

“Don't make this even worse, Barrett.”

“I’m not gonna let you bully Lemon just because you’re jealous. She managed to make Finn happy again in one afternoon while you kept failing after days, so what? You should be grateful, that's what.”

Well, that didn't make the situation better, that's for sure. 

“You think this is about jealousy? You… you thing the fact Carpaccio could have taken my brother away so easily again is something I should be grateful for?”

Maybe he didn't choose the right words, but can you blame him when there's literal swords pointing at him right now and a cute girl trembling in his arms?!

“Y-yes, I can see your point, Mister Finn’s brother, so if I apologize, everything will be fine, righ-?”

“You are banned from coming into his room and being with him alone from now on. You will also come to me tomorrow first thing in the morning and tell me what exactly Carpaccio told Finn, otherwise the consequences will be harsh. Are we understood?”

That visibly upset her, but what could she do? There was no denying the fact she broke the rules and endangered Finn, but not seeing him until he can leave the room? And even after that, not being able to talk to him in private?

“I…”

“If you want to ban her, then you have to ban me too.” He said it so proudly, but Rayne couldn't be more done with this situation at this point. Lemon, on the other hand, looked quite impressed. “And there is absolutely no way you can take two of Finn’s precious friends away from hi-”

…

He could and he did. They were both officially forbidden from visiting Finn.

“I’m such an idiot, I thought I was super sneaky!”

They stayed seated at the broken bench even after Rayne left, Lemon was now keeping her distance from Dot while she had her face hidden in palms and the red-haired boy still couldn't believe his words did nothing.

“I still think we were in the right, Lemon. I mean, nothing happened and Finn feels better now, doesn't he?”

“But… it’s true that I was stupid and put his brother in anger, I need to understand…”

They were taking it quite well. Both of them were still aware that it was worth it when they thought about the fact they gave Mash a chance to finally sort out his feelings.

“And now Rayne thinks I’m an idiot, why did I go and say that, Lemon?!”

“...I thought it was kinda cool… You stood up for me, so it’s not too bad.”

She finally smiled and Dot realised that he suddenly didn't care about what Rayne thought at all.

But then that thought popped into his head.

“Wait, it is bad! We won't know what happened between them if we can't see Finn, Mash won't tell us anything!”

Lemon stayed quiet for a moment, then screamed into her hands with frustration while Dot was on the verge of crying.

Chapter Text

He visited him again, just as Finn was feeling quite down. He really wanted to talk to Mash, but the boy didn't come yesterday. 

How long was it since they normally spoke? 

Maybe they weren't fated to become boyfriends after all...

“You’re here again…”

“Of course I am. I told you I would be back, and I do keep coming back.”

What was Finn supposed to think when even this guy visited him more then the guy who was in love with him? He didn't hold this against Mash, really, but it did made him feel somewhat depressed.

“Is your neck okay?”

“It unfortunately stopped hurting earlier this day. I am not yet certain of all the details of this connection we share, it is quite unusual.”

Unfortunately… Finn didn't like that word, of course he didn't, and he also knew that Carpaccio didn't want to hear that the other boy was glad for the pain to be away.

“Do you know how to stop it? The connection, I mean…”

“I will give you an answer later. I have been researching it since I became aware of it. However, if it keeps granting me pain, I do not mind being connected like this. Hence why I keep coming back.”

He was on his bed again, blade in hand and ready to give it to Finn, but the other boy swallowed when he refused holding it.

“I will not stab my leg, at least not now Carpaccio… I’m still not sure about all this…”

“I gave you so much time to make up your mind. Will you still stand behind those foolish words? I am giving you the chance to fully heal.”

He really was and Finn still wasn't sure about taking it. Carpaccio could have talked all he wanted about how much he needed this, but that obviously wasn't healthy. He must have felt numb for the most of his life, probably not knowing there were so many other things to do instead… instead of hurting.

Did he even have any friends?

And what made Finn think he would be a good friend to Carpaccio to begin with?

“...I still have other injuries, don't I? So I can at least… We can take care of those for now.”

That seemed to make Carpaccio extremely happy. Finn should have been ready by now, but he still got quite scared when the other wizard threw himself at him and examined various parts of his body, looking under every sleeve and hungrily thinking about which pain he would love to feel right now.

“H-hey, a little personal space, m-maybe?”

“No personal space exists once you’re connected to me, body and blood.” Then he focused on one particular wound, an already healing cut running down Finn's forearm. Finn almost didn't feel it anymore but it was obvious that Carpaccio would love to feel it instead.

"This one is perfect… It's going to be perfect…" He stared at Finn expectantly but when Finn finally grabbed the blade, he placed it on the table next to him, once again hiding the wound under his sleeve.

“Why can't we do something I want first, Carpaccio? And then I will do what you want.”

“...are you blackmailing me? Seriously? You?"

"The fact that I don't want to hurt you yet isn't blackmail, is it?!"

But it didn't look like Carpaccio wanted to argue even though he was visibly irritated, instead he was willing to listen to what Finn wanted and so, the other boy reached over to one of the drawers and pulled out a deck of cards.

"The nurse left me a bunch of board games, so we'll play."

"...are you serious? Are you still trying to make me your friend?”

But he took the cards in his hand when Finn didn't answer him. The smile on his face said it all anyway.

"You keep doing what you want to do and I'll keep doing what I'm doing. You got me here, so now you're going to make sure I'm not bored.”

“...this is a different kind of pain from what I wish for…”

He just basically called his company a kind of torture, didn't he.

But they played, and played. Finn didn't know how it happened, but he got beaten every single time and it didn't seem like Carpaccio particularly cared about his wins. Finn was so sure he would be terrible at games, what the hell…

“Okay, let's play something else.”

“... what, are you admitting defeat once again? So weak…”

“Well, there's no way I can stop now with you saying something like that!”

So the game continued. And Finn got destroyed at every single one, yet he had… fun. He had no idea what Carpaccio thought about this, but he himself felt quite relaxed. 

If he forgot about the fact this guy basically almost killed him, his company was pleasant, not... exhausting. What a thing to think about…

“How about we try some other game? Like… Like Never Have I Ever. You ask each other questions about what you have done and the one who answers yes to more of them loses.”

“I’ll play whatever you want.”

Finn then prompted him to start and regretted his decision immediately.

“Never have I ever sliced someone’s arm in ha-”

“Let's not play this one.”

He tried to think about what to do really hard, but all the other games just seemed… boring to have Carpaccio play. They went through all of them, then through some other they could play with words and Finn just had to accept the fact Carpaccio wasn't great with having fun at those either.

But he still felt… happy. Like he was having a great time even though he felt defeated and was slowly losing his determination.

“...this is boring, isn't it.”

“What are you talking about? I’m quite enjoying myself, you’re the one sulking like a child who doesn't know what he wants.”

And he suddenly realised where all that happiness inside him was coming from. Finn couldn't say he understood the strange connection between him and Carpaccio, but if they were connected, body and blood, then…

“You… are?”

“I like to research new concepts and ideas, Finn. I have never played most of these… games. I do not mind for now.”

“Hey, tell me… Pain isn't the only thing that we exchange, is it? Can you feel my… ‘sulking’?”

It looked like that wasn't a thing Carpaccio wanted Finn to know but in the end nodded and moved his sight towards the blade again.

“Unfortunately. It is only a faint connection, yet my head hurts every time your unessesary emotions go out of control.”

Finn’s cheeks went immediately red. He had no idea what ‘faint’ meant, and how was he supposed to know this was a thing?! Carpaccio’s emotions were basically non-existent, right? So it was weird to suddenly become aware of them…

“Do you actually know how to get us separated again? You said you would tell me.”

“...once the infection on your leg transfers to me, then the connection ends. That is what I believe.”

That might have been one of the reasons why Carpaccio rushed Finn so much. Was it really that bothersome to feel what he felt? Was he making him happy? Was he making him sad?

Did Carpaccio know how much pain he caused him now? Was he feeling guilty?

“...I’ll think about it, okay? I promise…”

“Of course you do, but that does not change the fact you are a pathetic, scared fool. There's obviously one solution which benefits both of us.”

Did Carpaccio really see the possibility of never walking a… benefit?

“I thought you understood pain now, Carpaccio. So why don't you get it? Why can't you understand why it’s so difficult for me to do?”

“...no one understands pain and no one ever will. This is a punishment. I will never be able to live in peace if I won't experience the same pain as you, only that is clear to me.”

That moment was the first when Finn could feel what Carpaccio probably felt all this time. Regret. Realization. The same feeling the other wizard probably experienced when he felt real pain thanks to Mash and his tennis racket. 

Pain was wonderful, yet a torture as well. Something Carpaccio never realized up until now, when it was too late.

This way was the only one with which he could repent.

“We don't have much time left, I cannot believe I let so much of it slide…”

“That's because you had fun. You know, we don't actually have to do th-”

“That won't do. Do it now, before Burnedead arrives.”

Finn had no time to ask why Mash was suddenly brought up, or why would he came right now of all times. He knew too well that Carpaccio wouldn't answer anyway.

“Give me a different knife then, I don’t want to risk another infection.”

“As you wish.” He supplied Finn with a second blade, this one looking nice and new. A signal that there was no way to get out of this now. 

He rolled up his sleeve and put the knife to the scar again, feeling Carpaccio move closer and rolling up his own to watch his forearm soon turn red. 

Finn expected nothing new to happen to him, that there was no way this could be worse than the moment he almost cut his throat, but when the blade sank into his own skin once again, the pain was unbearable.

He wasn't bleeding but he screamed anyway and immediately felt something close his mouth to silence him. Carpaccio now held his palm to his face while the other lay in his lap, own blood flowing into it, waiting. He stared but Finn's hand didn't move any further, shaking in place, afraid to move anywhere due to the pain.

How could he ever think this would be fine?

"Finn, move the hand."

The only thing that flowed from Finn's body were tears, tears from how much it hurt and tears from finally realizing where all the pain was coming from. It was both his and Carpaccio's.

“Finn.”

“I-I can't, I’m hurting you, I…”

“That's fine. You already started, so now you have to finish it…”

And when he still didn't move, the hand from his mouth moved to the back of his head, pushing him closer to Carpaccio’s body and hiding Finn into an embrace.

“C-carpaccio-”

“Look at you, you’re doing great.”

He didn't even realize the hand gripping the knife started moving again, that it was now in the middle of the wound and stopping there once more. Finn finally noticed how heavy his breathing was, and how… how the wound on his arm already started healing itself, completely disappearing like once before.

Was it possible, to not put all the pain on one person, to share it instead?

“I… I have an ide-”

“You need to move on, we have no time. He’s getting closer and if he sees us together, it will be the end.”

He. Who?

He braced himself and took a breath as he ended everything with one long slash, accompanied by another scream muffled by Carpaccio's cloak. And there it was, his arm clean and Carpaccio’s full of blood flowing into his own lap.

“Perfect… Ah, it’s so refreshing, so calming…”

Careful not to spill the blood anywhere, Carpaccio got up while hiding the hand in a prepared towel as Finn continued to look at his own arm, covered in his tears.

Why did he do this again? Why was he so willing to go with this, wasn't it wrong?

Why was Carpaccio’s embrace so calming, so encouraging?

“Can you…” He didn't know why these words were coming to his head, he wanted to see Mash. Will Mash actually come? Because Carpaccio was never lying to him, was he? “Can you stay… for a little while?”

It was obvious that these words shook the other wizard quite a bit and Finn felt like he was considering it for a while. Didn't he want his hand treated? Didn't he want to play more games?

To feel something other than pain?

“A better company is coming to you soon, Finn. I will come find you soon enough.”

The window stayed open after Carpaccio jumped out and the only thing left was the new blade in Finn’s palm. 

He wanted to make Carpaccio happy. Truly happy.

There was a knock in the room and with that, Finn immediately hid the knife under the pillow before letting out a quiet 'yes'. He couldn't believe his eyes when the door opened.

Carpaccio wasn't lying after all.

Carpaccio also wanted him to be happy. To get it over with and finally get back on his feet.

“Mash… You're here, I… You're really here…”

Waiting wouldn't do any good. Carpaccio did so many experiments and researches, it was time for Finn to conduct one on his own. But maybe, he should somehow get advice from Mash first.

Was it okay, to not want to hurt someone who tortured you so badly before? Or was he really a fool...

***

Carpaccio was sitting outside on a bench, leaning against the wall with his cloak resting on his legs as he gazed out into the empty surroundings.

 He wanted to see Finn.

 ***

"You have to go there and tell us how it turned out!"

"Come on, come on! I will do anything you want, anything!”

Lance found himself in a situation where Lemon and Dot were lying on the ground in front of him, begging him for a few minutes by now to go see Finn and question him about what happened the night before.

He tried to stay away from this whole situation and this is how it turned out…

"I haven't seen him in a long time, I'm not going to bother him with that kind of nonsense."

“Huh? Why didn't you go see him?”

"Yeah why? He's your friend."

Maybe he should have just kept quiet and leave.

"...I was waiting for him to get at least a little bit better. To not overwhelm him.”

"Dude, he’s doing great. You know, thanks to Lemon who got banned for helping.”

“Dot's right, Lance. Finn is doing much better than a few days ago, but I want to know how he is now! After an evening with Mash!”

Lance could only sigh out loud while wondering if this was really a good time for him to finally show up.

He had a letter in his pocket, one he'd gotten from Anna after he'd confided in her how upset he was about the whole Finn situation, and which she'd written to Finn enthusiastically to wish him a speedy recovery. Yet it was a few days by now since the letter came and Lance was still not sure about seeing his friend.

It wasn't fair to Anna, she wanted Finn’s response and he was holding it away from him, but there was still something holding him back. Even though Finn was getting better, Lance was worried about overreacting, just like he did when he firstly learned about his sister’s condition.

When he cried in his room, away from Anna so she wouldn't hear and worry even more.

“Okay, I'll go visit him…”

He saw them still staring at him expectantly and when they didn't leave, he sighed loudly and cupped his forehead.

"...and I'll ask him how it went with Mash."

“You're the best, Lance!!”

It took a while for him to get out of the grip he was caught in, they were both too excited, but then Dot turned to Lemon with a bit of concern.

“Weren't you supposed to go and see Rayne? First thing in the morning?”

“H-huh? Oh no, it’s way past the morning now, I need to go!”

She ran at the speed of light, leaving Dot and Lance standing there alone in silence. As the blue haired wizard was about to leave, he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to Dot who looked awfully serious out of nowhere.

“Finn’s happier now, you know? Seeing him won't kill him, or you, so what are you so scared of?”

“I’m not scared. I just made a series of decisions which… weren't great for my confidence in facing him, that's all.”

Dot obviously had no idea what Lance was talking about but was fast to give him his support anyway. 

“You're our only hope, you know? There's no way someone like you will ever break the rules anyway, so we have nothing to worry about!”

But when he saw Lance suddenly and nervously turn away, he removed his palm from him and looked at him in disbelief. Because he only imagined that, right?

“...You did something?”

“...I might have glanced into Finn’s medical records even before Finn himself knew the state he was in. It…”

It messed him up, seriously messed him up, but there was no way he would ever say that to Dot. To anyone, probably. It was already enough that Mash saw him out of sorts when he shared the information that day.

“Dude, that's like, illegal, or something.”

“If I could take my actions back, I-”

“Huh, so that's it. Can't bear to look at someone forced to stay in bed anymore, right?”

And before Lance could even say something, before he could go away and look like a stupid fool somewhere else, Dot punched him in the back with his palm and laughed.

“Well, he’s not staying in bed forever anymore, that's for sure. Wheelchairs and brooms exist, you know.”

Dot then urged Lance to actually go see Finn before he left himself, but Lance stood alone for a moment while he pulled out the letter addressed to Finn from his pocket, which he of course didn't open out of respect for Anna.

Was Finn really getting better?

If Lance goes and visits him, is there a chance he won't be just lying in bed, suffering?

He knew what Anna would say to him. That he was a coward and Finn was his dear friend that he couldn't just leave lying alone, not now when two of his friends had already gotten banned.

She would say that it was okay not to want to see loved ones in pain, but that their very presence made them feel better. Just like it did for Anna.

It was time to catch up like everyone else did. If Lemon was confident enough to break all the rules and make Finn happy, he had to join. He couldn't just wait and hope that the boy would just get better without their help.

But in all the excitement he forgot to knock, which was incredibly rude, but that wasn't the first thing he thought of when he opened the door and planned to step inside. He was already prepared for everything, he had a long time to think about what he should say and how to behave in all possible situations, but not in... this one.

Saying that Lance was surprised when he saw Finn out of bed, balancing on one of his supposedly uncurable legs, would be an understatement.

***

A few hours passed, Carpaccio watched how far the sun could travel and at the same time sensed the coming danger.

 But it wasn't here yet. Maybe a few more minutes, few more hours...

 A few students walked by but no one noticed him, maybe they didn't want to notice him. Carpaccio didn't notice them either, he wasn't interested in them. At that moment, he wanted to see only one person.

 Finn, his… his friend.

 He wanted to see his friend. Why wasn't he here to tell him he didn't want to hurt him?

 ***

“The nerve to show up late after everything that happened…”

“I’m really sorry, Mister Divine Visionary Finn’s brother Rayne Ames!”

The way she adressed him just got more and more ridiculous, didn't it…

“Let’s not waste any more time, I need to know why Carpaccio talked to my brother again. I need to know if he’s in any danger.”

“...do you want my honest opinion, Mister Scary Murderous Sword Finn’s Br-?”

“Rayne.”

“Rayne! Well, I didn't really get the vibe that Carpaccio wanted to do something. They just sort of… talked? And then I interrupted them, so…”

Rayne was ready with a pen and a piece of paper but with the way Lemon talked, he realized there was no way he would be able to keep up with her stammering.

“What did they do? And there must be at least something you heard.”

“I… I’m not sure If what I saw was real, that's why I didn't really want to say anything.”

There was no going back now, Rayne waited for her answer and Lemon nervously squeezed her hands into fists in her lap. Goddamnit, Rayne Ames was freaking scary!

“When I walked over, Carpaccio was… looking at Finn’s wounds on his legs, and Finn was, well… he was holding a knife, like he wanted to stab himself but when I came over, the knife was gone, so I thought… I thought that I was just going crazy. I guess that's what seeing Carpaccio again does to people.”

“Lemon, this is not something you would just dream of-”

“You think I don't know that?! You’re a hot dude, you’re supposed to know how to calm a lady down but all you’ve done is stress me the hell out, how is this fair?!”

This silenced Rayne, he looked like he didn't know what to say to such a response and so, he tiredly rubbed his eyes before leaning back in his chair with a loud sigh. This gave Lemon some time to finally get a good look at him as she had been afraid to even glance at his face until now, but what she saw made her feel a little guilty for the way she acted.

He looked so tired, the bags under his eyes definitely weren't helping. 

“...I’m sorry, that was rude.”

“Thank you for the apology, at least…”

He has been most likely working hard since he found out that Carpaccio started to get involved in everything again. He really did care about his brother, didn't he? Her and Dot’s words must have hurt him…

“I really thought I did the right thing. I mean, Finn looked so happy… And seeing Carpaccio didn't really make it any worse, even when he told Finn that…”

But she immediately cut herself off, color disappeared from her face again and she realized that this really wasn't something whe was planning on sharing.

“You heard something else?”

“Yeah, but it was… it was later, much later, like yesterday before Mash went to visit Finn, I… I didn't want to break the rules again, I swear, that's why I didn't want to say anything-”

“Just get on with it and tell me what you heard.”

She swallowed, thinking over if it just wasn't another dream, but she still remembered being pressed to the door for a little while and hearing Carpaccio’s calm voice, talking with their friend.

“W-well, Carpaccio was in his room again… And he said something about an infection transfering to him and ending a connection? I don't really understand though, and I was forbidden from going inside, so…”

But it seemed like Rayne did understand. He quickly got up and when Lemon followed him, the Divine Visionary quickly stopped her.

“You’re going to help me find Mash. Is Finn alone right now?”

“H-huh? No, Lance went to see him, so I don't think he is?”

“Good. We need to find Carpaccio. If what you're saying is true, then…”

Then he knew something they didn't, right? Carpaccio was the one who inflicted those injuries, after all. 

Maybe there was a way how to make everything right again.

***

He was getting cold.

 Most of all, he was extremely bored. He had left his knife elsewhere and Finn had the other one now, Carpaccio couldn't go get them and it was foolish to tell anyone else to fetch the blades.

 Besides, Finn can still feel every one of his wounds now. It would do exactly what Carpaccio didn't want. 

Why did he care, all of a sudden? Yes, pain was horrible but if Finn wasn't able to endure it, then Carpaccio would lose all respect for him, right?

Why did he hug him, from all the things he could have done? Because he felt like Finn needed it? Because he himself needed it?

This wasn't fair. Feelings… weren't fair. They stood in front of everything. They ruined everything. 

To hell with you, Mash Burnedead.

***

Finn's barely standing leg buckled as soon as Lance burst into the room, ending up on the ground with a painful gasp as the blue haired wizard struggled to snap out of his trance.

This was just a dream, wasn't it? Lance had to go get some rest and now his mind was messing him up with sweet lies about Finn's legs miraculously starting to heal, just as he often had the same dreams about his sister.

But Finn was staring at him now with fear and guilt, as if he definitely didn't want to be seen like this. And to Lance, this seemed uncannily real.

"Finn…?"

“...C-can you help me get up? Before I try to explain…” He sounded truly defeated, like the fact he actually moved one of his legs was a disaster, and Lance couldn't just ignore him. Quickly closing the door, he went over to support his friend and when he helped him sit on the bed, Finn moved his body under the blanket again, putting his legs in the position in which they were before.

“I… this is… This shouldn't be possible, the nurse said you’ll never…”

“Don't tell anyone. No one can hear I actually moved my leg for now, okay?” 

That only added on Lance’s pile of confused emotions and he couldn't think clearly. This was too much, why the hell did he decide to come here? And why wouldn't Finn want to say this to anyone? Didn't the nurse know? Or anyone?

Was he the only one who saw this? Again?

“Lance…?”

“Just tell me, okay? Will you be able to walk again?”

“...I might.”

That was obviously not the answer he wanted. Lance couldn't bear the thought of more false hope, more lies which just hid the ugly truth. Why can't anyone give him a straight answer?

“Why don't you want me to tell anyone?”

“... that's the part of the fact why I can't. Even you. Is it too much to ask? For you to act like you haven’t seen… this.”

“...of course it is. Why do you keep doing this to me?”

It wasn't really aimed at Finn, but the other boy obviously interpreted it that way as he now looked guiltier than ever.

No, don't look guilty. This isn't your fault, stop acting like her so much.

“...I’m sorry. But I don't want to give anyone false hopes if this doesn't work out. I don't want you all to go through that disappointment again.”

“You're the same as the nurse, then. She hoped you would get better and that she wouldn't have to even tell you your legs were seriously injured. I hoped too, but it… obviously didn't work out.”

Maybe Lance understood a little bit more now why Finn wanted to keep quiet. Just imagining Mash gaining hope and then having to watch his love suffer from failure again hurt.

“...you knew? Even before me?”

“I peeked at your files the night you woke up. But If I had not done that, I wouldn't be terrified of visiting you, I would be here for you more, yet I couldn't bring myself to come here. It’s all so painfully familiar…”

“I wouldn't want you to be here if it was so difficult for you, Lance… But you’re here now. Are you still hurting?”

He wasn't, because of the false hope, of the one picture in which Finn stands up, if only for one second. He couldn't forget it now, but he also knew how much worse it will be if Finn’s fears will come true.

Wasn't he also allowed to dream for a while?

“I apologize, this shouldn't be about me.”

“I think everything has been about me for too long… So what has been worrying you? Is… is your sister okay?”

He immediately remembered all the letters they sent to each other since Finn’s accident and thought about sharing the contents, about sharing the letter she addressed him. But was that okay? Why did it feel… wrong?

“...she’s gotten better. They allowed her to go outside, so she can take short walks as of now.”

“B-but that's great! That means she doesn't have to lie in bed all day, so why are you…”

“Obviously because you’re still like this. You’re saying you could get better but you still hide things, you’re still trying to act like you’re okay but my head refuses to believe it… I’m still worried about my sister, so naturally I still worry about you as well.”

Finn stayed quiet, but Lance could see how his cheeks turned red and how the words left him speechless. There it was again, Lance obviously felt terrible but still did his best to be here for Finn, saying stuff like that…

“W-well, of course you worry about her, she’s family. But I don't really feel that important to deserve this much-”

“Don't you even dare say something like that. You’re important to all of us, to me.” 

And then he finally reached into his pocket and took out the letter which he put into Finn’s palms. The words ‘For Finn’ were neatly written on the envelope by his sister.

“And to Anna too.”

“She… wrote me a letter?”

“That she did.”

Lance didn't even have to ask to see how happy it made Finn, he immediately started opening it and when he looked over the words, the door opened once again and the nurse went inside, surprised but also happy to see the two-lined wizard already inside.

“Oh, Lance! Exactly the one I was looking for. Orders from Rayne, you are to take Finn into town instead of Mash.”

This got Finn's attention again and the smile that appeared on his face as he read the letter immediately turned to worry.

“W-what? Has something happened to him?”

"Mash is fine, Rayne just urgently needed help from him and sends an apology for taking your boyfriend away from you. He believes that Lance will take very good care of you today.”

He probably would have been much more disappointed if Mash hadn't visited him the night before but now, he just nodded with a sigh of relief and the nurse brought the infamous wheelchair into the room, which she never let out of her sight after what Lemon did.

When she said goodbye and Lance saw that Finn had finished reading the letter, he remembered the words of the two idiots and knew that they wouldn't let him rest unless he fulfilled their wishes.

“...boyfriend, huh.”

“Yeah, we… We finally got together. There was still a lot to talk about, but it’s all okay now.”

“You… you… you kissed, maybe?”

He sounded like an idiot himself and Finn burst out laughing. He couldn't calm down, just those words coming out of Lance’s mouth sounded extremely out of place and the other wizard had to bring him a glass of water because he started coughing a lot.

“S-sorry, I just didn't know you were so invested. But yes, we kissed.”

“That's good then. No need to laugh.”

He was going to kill Dot and Lemon later.

Lance saw Finn staring at the letter Anna send once again, his gaze of happiness but also a bit of sadness. He had no idea what his sister wrote, but it seemed like Finn suddenly got an idea and quickly turned to face his friend.

“Do you know if your sister is free right now?”

***

“I have a date with Finn today, Rayne.”

“This is extremely important, Mash. I need your assistance.”

“But Finn, and the town, and cream puffs-”

Rayne was glad that Lemon left right after they found Mash in the kitchen together since he was very positive she would make this situation even more difficult than it already was.

“There is definitely a way to heal my brother’s legs.”

That did get Mash’s attention, he also knew Rayne used the word 'definitely' only rarely which meant that this wasn't something he would say just to stop Mash from arguing.

“...what.”

“Carpaccio knows something and at this point, I know Finn does too. Something has been happening right under my nose and I didn't notice” 

Mash suddenly stood close, too close and it looked like he was about to grab Rayne at any moment, yet somehow held himself back. 

“Finn can get better?”

“That is what I said.”

“Finn can get better.”

Rayne could only nod and even though he was in a hurry, he let Mash just stand by him for a moment, trying to absorb what he was told. When he heard the same information from Lemon, of course he wanted to react in exactly the same way, but at the same time was aware that he had to deal with this as fast as possible.

And that started with the search for who made the treatment possible.

“I will help you, but Finn still needs to go outside.”

“That can be arranged, since at least one of his friends hasn't gotten himself banned from seeing him yet…”

“Banned?”

They were already walking towards the nurse to inform her and when Rayne asked her to find Lance for them, Mash was still impatiently waiting for an answer and Rayne sighed in annoyance. He really hoped he wouldn't have to talk about it again…

“Didn't Lemon or Finn share their adventure with you yet? She took him out and left him on his own, that's how Carpaccio got to him in the first place.”

“...he didn't tell me anything.”

“Yes, it doesn't seem like he doesn't want to say anything to anyone.”

But weren't they making progress? Mash thought he was reliable, that Finn would share all his problems with him now, so what was happening? Was Finn still hiding something?

Wasn't that a huge problem?

“But I’m his boyfriend now. Why wouldn't he share this with me…”

“So it's official now.”

Oh yes, Mash completely forgot about the fact they haven’t received Rayne’s blessing yet. Even though he did say that he didn't need his permission, Mash could tell he still wasn't completely content with the whole situation.

Maybe it was just too much to deal with this right now, when so many other things were happening at the same time. Rayne did look like he could use a good nap.

“Yes. I’m ready to do anything necessary for him to be happy, so what do you need me to do?”

“Find Carpaccio, but do not hurt him. At least for now.”

***

He was almost asleep when he heard familiar footsteps approaching where he was resting.

They reminded him of pain, the one he could finally feel again after so long. He felt the warm blood on his face again as he was struck and lay on the ground, overwhelmed by his own feelings and emotions.

And then the warmth when Mash knelt down and held Finn in his arms, the numbness when Finn passed out, the days full of tears and loneliness, the evening when he jumped out of the window and sat on Finn's favorite bench, watching the moon and trying ignore the warmth, the pleasant warmth.

Then nothing. Numbness and pain again, such a horrible but satisfying pain because it meant Finn had finally found the courage.

Still, something was wrong.

Mash stood in front of him and stared, Carpaccio returned his gaze and when neither of them said anything for a long time, he wondered if the other wizard was there to finish the job. To kill him.

“…this is Finn's favorite place. We study here. We eat cream puffs here.”

"He can't get here by himself anymore. There are a lot of stairs, Burnedead."

Finn had told him about this place one night after they met, just another trick to make Carpaccio into someone closer to him.

He sat here, hoping that at least his own experiences and feelings of being here could reach Finn, but that was no longer possible. Finn did something, but it seemed to go wrong.

“He can.”

"He can, but he won't. You know how weak he really is."

And instead of any violence, Mash sat down next to him.

Of course he wouldn't hurt him. If he was here, he must have known what was going on. He must have known that if he laid a hand on him, his beloved would feel all the pain instead.

"I think you're trying to do a good thing."

"You think? I thought you were stronger, but you are both fools, idiots-”

“I think there is a way to heal Finn, but it would hurt you. Is that what's going on?”

Maybe Mash knew Finn better than Carpaccio expected. He certainly suspected that Finn would not sacrifice someone else's health for his own, that he would rather be friends with Carpaccio. That there was definitely another way.

“Do you think it would be fair? Being friends with Finn after everything that happened.”

“...Abel tried to defeat me and turn me into a puppet, and now he's my friend. Lance too, Abyss too… Hmm, I have a lot of friends who didn't like me that much before, huh…”

Maybe it was okay to go back to Finn and ask him for another game of cards.

Because Finn was nice. Too nice for his own good, really.

“We sat here and Finn let me copy his homework whenever I forgot mine. I gave him a cream puff every time he did it as a reward so he kept doing it. He really likes them, almost as much as me…”

"That's obviously not why he did it."

“Come to think of it… maybe not.”

He didn't know how long Finn had liked him, the same way Mash liked him. The more time they spent together, the more he himself tried to keep his feelings calm so that Finn would not notice them, but he forgot to look at how the other student actually behaved with him.

He helped him as a newbie, then as a roommate. As a friend, and then as… as a boyfriend.

Mash was not going to give up.

“He told me he loved me when he passed out in my arms after the fight with you, you know? You really ruined the mood…”

“I would have killed him, If you had not intervened.”

“Would you kill him now? If it meant you would get what you wanted.”

Carpaccio's hands tightly squeezed the cloak in his lap and his head spun again. He felt like he was going to fall asleep at any moment, he was so tired.

Kill Finn? How rude would that be? How painful, truly painful?

“At this point, I had thousand changes of doing so… But pain is so exhausting sometimes… I just want to play again…”

His eyes closed and then opened again when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder, Mash eas holding him so his body wouldn't topple and it was clear he was thinking about the whole situation more deeply now.

That he didn't know whether to hate or like Carpaccio, that he wanted to know how close he was to Finn now.

Was he really the path to Finn's full recovery?

Because if Finn doesn't actually recover… would it be such a disaster? They had brooms that he would be able to use when he regained enough energy to use magic, lots of medicine... And Finn had friends, he had his brother, he had Mash...

And Carpaccio, Mash guessed. Carpaccio was now somehow in this whole mess once more.

"...Finn is gone for now, but do you want to wait for him with me in his room? You can tell me, then, how to heal him…”

"Talking won't be necessary anymore, but you will need to help me with getting to his room, since..."

He hesitated for a moment, but then removed the cloak from his legs, bloody on the other side, and placed it on the ground. Mash didn't know what he was looking at, then he began to distinguish bloody clothes from pieces of flesh, and the wound that sent chills down his spine. As if someone was trying to carve something out of that leg...

"I can't stand up on my own."

 ***

She stood there, in a light dress and with the biggest smile on her face as Lance, pushing Finn in front of him, began to approach her. There weren't many people in town so almost no one turned around when Anna ran and wrapped her arms around her older brother's legs.

“You're really here, brother! Both of you are here!"

“O-of course we are, we wouldn't leave you here…” He stroked her hair lightly before she took a step back to look at Finn. It was obvious that she wanted to hug him too but she was afraid that she might hurt him, so Finn finally stretched out his arms with a small smile so that she could lean towards him and give him the desired hug.

“I'm glad you got my letter, Finn. Did you like it?”

“I am very grateful for it, Anna. Thank you…"

She let go of Finn after a moment when she saw that Lance was trying not to look at them, but the smile never left her face.

She had to be glad to finally get outside, just like Finn was when Lemon first pulled him out.

"Lance wrote so much about you, he was really worried!"

“O-oh, is that so…?” It was so sweet, really, and seeing Lance blush in embarrassment at the mention of it was worth it too. He always thought he already knew how much Lance worried about him and then he would learn more and more things...

Finn may not have been comfortable making others feel worried about him, but it also reassured him that he mattered this much to his friends.

“Yes, brother! You're always worried, you should smile more! You look much better when you're smiling, don't you think so too, Finn?”

He was smiling now, that's for sure. Happy and embarrassed, probably for several reasons.

"Your sister is right, I also think a smile looks good on you."

"Save these remarks for someone else..."

It was just a random note but Finn knew very well that children paid attention the most random things. She immediately turned to Finn with interest and grabbed the handles of the wheelchair as if she was going to push him instead of Lance.

He didn't want her to have to struggle when she was barely out of bed, but…

“Hmm? For who, Finn? For who?"

“H-Huh? I-I wonder…” He laughed nervously, Finn actually had a pretty good idea who Lance was talking about, but Anna was still a stranger to him. Who knows what she actually knew about Finn from her brother. Did she even know who Mash was?

Was Lance the kind of person who told her even what he had for breakfast that day? Their relationship was completely different from the one he had with his brother...

But with everything changing, maybe... maybe Rayne would wonder what Finn did every day too.

“We could have something to eat, right? Cream Puffs, maybe?”

At the mere mention of the sweets, Lance's expression turned into a smirk.

“Mash really did left a mark on you, huh…”

“Is Mash the one you should tell that a smile looks good on him, Finn? Lance talks a lot about him too…”

Anna probably knew everyone better than Finn at this rate!

He turned to Lance for help, but he just shrugged as if he also didn't care what his friend was telling her.

“Just don't say anything inappropriate to her.”

“There's nothing inappropriate happening between me and Mash!”

“Are you in love with Mash?” She leaned forward from the back of the wheelchair and pressed herself against Finn again, as if they had known each other all their lives, and Lance realized that when he first thought about these two meeting, he was right.

They really did get along really well.

“Y-yes, Mash is my boyfriend. Can we get the Cream Puffs now?”

"Boyfriends! When are you going to find a boyfriend, brother?” 

“W-what? Why would you think that I… There's no one I need if I have you, dear sister.”

But she stuck her tongue out at him in response and wrapped her arms around Finn's neck. Did every girl in his presence really need to do that?!

“That's lame. You would be way cooler if you had one, like Finn!”

Lance looked like he just found out his whole life was a lie, Finn could only laugh and while the blue haired wizard was probably thinking about how to find one to satisfy his sister, Anna pressed her face to Finn's and the boy suddenly felt uncomfortable warmth.

He had his good share of fevers these past days, this couldn't be good.

“Anna, are you-”

“Cream Puffs now, right Finn? And you need to get some for your boyfriend too!”

“O-oh, you’re right. Let’s go.”

So they went to one of the stalls that sold the sweet pastries, bought so many of them that the seller looked at them strangely, and then found a bench nearby where they could sit down and start eating.

Finn was on the edge, sitting in his wheelchair, and after a while felt Anna lean against him anyway.

She was trying to make everything normal, like all of them.

Finn felt comfortable, but also empty. Something was missing.

When he tried to cut out the infection that night, did it work? Was his connection with Carpaccio over now?

He would be angry, but that was okay, it was fine like this, and he wouldn't cry, he wouldn't-

“Finn, are you okay? You look sad…”

This got Lance's attention as well, they were both looking at him now and Finn didn't know if he could formulate any kind of answer that would be satisfactory. He felt empty again, the pain from his legs that he felt every moment yesterday disappeared now that he didn't move them and he could only think about whether he was in too much of a hurry.

Whether what he did was fair.

“I'm just… pretty thirsty…”

"Yeah, me too. I'll go get some drinks, okay?” But before Anna could get up, Lance stopped her and stood up himself, saying that he would go get the drink himself which Finn was extremely happy about. His sister had promised him that she would take care of him for now but as Lance disappeared from their sight, her face suddenly filled with discomfort and she started coughing.

“A-Anna, are you okay?!” He reached out and placed a hand on the girl's forehead, burning even more than before and her cheeks flushed as she let out a deep breath.

Was she holding that cough in her all this time?

“S-sorry, I… I'm not feeling very well…”

"You've got a fever again, Lance should take you back home-"

“N-no! Finn, I don't want to go back to bed, I don't want to worry my brother…”

Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. Finn knew how she felt because he said it too, didn't he? That's how he felt too, right? He didn't want to be chained to that bed again, he didn't want everyone to worry about him, he just wanted to walk around town with a smile on his face as if nothing was happening.

But if he doesn't get help, things will get much worse. He had to know his limits so as not to hurt himself even more and he had to admit when everything was too much.

"Everything will only get worse if you don't ask for help, Anna. You... we need to know that there is nothing wrong with that…”

Like Lance who admitted to him that he almost couldn't stand to look at the sick, like Rayne who finally stopped making himself unavailable and showed Finn that he needed contact with him. Like the frightened Mash who stopped being afraid after confiding in him.

Like Carpaccio, who also trusted in him in his own, strange way.

“But… b-but what if this is my last time out for a long time? I was so happy when Lance send me the message that I could go with you…”

“In that case, I'll come to you and keep you company until you feel better, what do you say? It’s nice, to have someone to talk to when you’re lying down…”

But of course she had to know that, Lance must have spent all the time he could with her and it must have been hard for him to be so far away now and study while she lay at home, almost without hope.

The longer he was away from her, the harder it was to go back and see her like that again. Just like with seeing Finn.

"... you promise?"

“I promise, Anna. And I’ll write you a Get-Well letter too, so you can recover even faster.”

She hugged him again, silently thanking him, and Finn suddenly felt as if all his worries had left him, at least for a moment. Yes, that was true, he wanted to see Anna, and then Carpaccio to make sure he was okay.

And then actually rise from his own bed for good and never, ever return. 

When Lance returned with the drink, Anna ran to him with a cry and her brother didn't hesitate for a moment before he started to take care of the situation. After the fiasco with Lemon, he refused to leave Finn alone, so he ended up reluctantly having to call his parents to come pick her up while he started dragging Finn out of town and back to school.

But they also wanted their daughter to get well, no matter how depraved their motives were.

"She didn't want to tell you that she was sick..."

“That reminds me of someone, Finn…”

But the way back was otherwise strangely quiet, Lance probably felt a little guilty for taking Anna out even though she wanted to and seeing her crying about going home certainly didn't help either.

But seeing her smiling outside was definitely worth it all.

“You could have left me in that town for a while. It was clear that you didn't feel very comfortable when your parents came to get her."

“And also get banned from visiting you like Lemon and Dot? Put you in danger? Not happening.”

Even so, he was right. He wanted to be there for Anna and do everything he could for her. But she understood, she knew that Finn was just like her, that he would go back to bed just like her when he came back and that he needed company.

 'Brother will take good care of you, I'm sure of it!'

“B-banned? What are you talking about?”

“You don't know? Your brother found out Lemon took you outside and left you alone, some people saw you. And Dot rushed to her defence, so Rayne was probably too tired to think about whether he was a danger to you too as well.”

Was that why he has not heard about the two of them for so long? And Rayne was the one who did this?

He frowned and Lance stopped with him for a moment, not saying anything but still able to tell what Finn was probably thinking right now. He himself thought that Rayne had gone too far and that it was not necessary. Maybe just warning Lemon would have been enough, but they both looked scared to death when they first begged Lance.

Finn now needed his friends more than ever. What was Rayne thinking?

“Is that why you wanted to know about me and Mash so much? They probably asked, right?”

“...that is correct. But I also… I also wanted to know, just a little bit. And I got to see you, so…”

Lance was feeling embarrassed again, but the red on his cheeks was still refreshing to see. He was still the same guy who took care of everyone and worrier way too much, despite acting like nothing except his little sister concerned him.

He was getting better at expressing his thoughts though, and that made Finn smile.

“Does it still hurt? The thought of seeing me…”

“I realized that it doesn't have to be so painful. You managed to convince my sister that lying in bed for a little longer won't be so terrible if someone's by her side, so… I will also do my best to be here for you, to make sure you’re not hurting too, Finn.”

That was also one of the things Lance didn't understand in Rayne’s judgement. Why keep everyone from Finn when they obviously took a big part in his recovery?

Maybe Rayne just didn't understand and had a lot to learn, but a guy like him, a Divine Visionary, probably did not want to hear that. It meant Lance just had to work harder to not get himself on Rayne’s bad side.

“Okay, mom. That is very sweet of you…”

“Call me that one more time and I’m unloading you in a nearby body of water.”

But as they restarted their journey towards the school, Finn's head was now filled with thoughts after hearing the new information from Lance.

Someone saw them. Someone saw him and Carpaccio, so Rayne knew. He would look for Carpaccio and it wouldn't be pretty.

His heart suddenly stopped and Finn got a terrible feeling. That wasn't why he couldn't feel Carpaccio anymore… was it? He didn't mess up, right?

***

Rayne had just finished searching one of the school yards and was walking down the hallway outside when he heard footsteps behind him.

Maybe he shouldn't have been surprised to see Carpaccio today but he certainly wasn't expecting him in Mash's arms, with his now bloody cloak removed and wrapped around his leg.

“Found him.”

Rayne was a little annoyed by how calm he sounded, how effortlessly he held him, but that otherwise probably wouldn't be Mash Burnedead.

"Why are you carrying him? Did he not want to come along?”

"He can't walk on his own. And I have to take him to the infirmary, to Finn's room.”

Rayne took one more look at Carpaccio, the other wizard stared at him without a word and Mash didn't comment on the fact that Carpaccio’s grip on him strenghtened.

"I don't think that's necessary Mash."

"But I do. He's Finn's friend and Finn wouldn't be happy if I didn't take him there."

"Finn's what?"

But before Rayne could even think about what he heard from Mash and how crazy it was, he heard more footsteps and at the same moment, Lance came down the hall, on his way to move Finn back to his room. Of course they stopped when they ran into Rayne, the boy in the wheelchair gulped when he noticed Carpaccio, but his expression didn't change at all.

“Hello, Finn. We got quite caught.”

“...I can see that.”

Rayne was starting to worry that maybe he was the only one who didn't know what this was about, but Lance also didn't understand what kind of situation he got himself into. Mash was staring at the bag of cream puffs in Finn's lap which seemed to have taken all his attention, but Carpaccio in his arms prevented him from grabbing them in any way and Masg was definitely not going to lay him down for the sweets.

When Finn finally dared to look his brother in the face, he knew Rayne wasn't too thrilled about this.

“Let's go back to the infirmary then, shall we?”

 ***

"Wow... Wow indeed, this is extraordinary..."

It was strange, sitting next to each other again but not being the only ones in Finn's room. While the nurse looked at Carpaccio's disgusting wound on his leg and couldn't help but wonder what was happening, Finn's leg was still bandaged from the moment he inserted the knife into it and he felt the eyes of both Rayne and Mash who were inside with them, waiting for the necessary answers.

Well, Rayne was. Mash was busy eating the cream puffs that Finn gave him with a smile when Carpaccio was finally out of his hands.

"So you're saying you didn't inflict this wound yourself, Carpaccio?"

"No. It was Finn, but the knife didn't touch me.”

“Maybe start from the beginning. I'm a nurse here, but this is not something I specialize in."

He looked quite tired when he heard those words, Carpaccio was obviously very annoyed to have to explain everything again and then explain it again because his research and theories were not something that could be understood just by anyone.

But it didn't matter now. He was well on his way to getting what he wanted when the others find out what needed to be done to heal Finn.

“When I hurt Finn and Mash allowed me to feel pain again after a long time, something quite peculiar happened and my magic still connected me and Finn, not only body and blood but also mind. It wasn't only pain that I could have gotten from Finn, but also emotions, so many emotions… I saw a completely different world…”

The feelings of another human, and so different from the ones of his own… The fear of pain, of inflicting it on others but feeling quite okay when he was the only one hurting…

It was just a few days, but Carpaccio was able to understand that something like that was part of a friendship. One that Finn tried to have with him.

“I later learned that this meant that Finn became the only one who could hurt me enough to feel real pain again, and I became the only one who knew what was going on with his limb. One of my beloved blades is very old and already showing rust, it must have gotten into Finn's leg and created an infection that prevented him from moving both of his legs. Therefore, it was enough to follow the same cuts and movements with a knife as I did for him before to transfer this pain to me and get rid of it himself. From my research, that's the way he can fully recover. The only way.”

Mash visibly pretended to understand everything, but in reality wasn't paying much attention. He already had his picture of the whole situation based on how the two of them behaved. Either Finn or Carpaccio was supposed to suffer, which was difficult when you have two people whose goals are completely different from what the other wanted.

But Rayne finally understood the whole secret behind Finn's strange illness, he knew what had to be done, and he also suspected that this was exactly what Carpaccio wanted because he started pulling out one of his knives again.

“You've tried that already, haven't you Finn? But you haven't done your job properly. You most likely don't remember my exact steps and slashes, or you just need support again, I can show you and finally finish what we-"

"I think it is no longer possible, Carpaccio."

Silence, and then with a gulp, Finn began untying the bandages on his more injured leg, where the infection that was supposed to bind them together was, the one that had caused all of this because Carpaccio never bothered to change or properly clean his instruments.

But it wasn't there. The wound still looked awful, the cuts still wouldn't heal and wouldn't allow Finn to walk, but the infection was gone.

Carpaccio looked at the wound as if his whole world had fallen apart, because he knew that wound very well.

"What… what did you do?”

It looked just like his.

"I noticed something. When we… when I tried to transfer my wound on my hand to you and stopped for a moment, the pain was much less promiment even though we weren't done yet. That meant that each injury was only partially transferable, right? You wanted all the pain and I wanted none for you, so I… compromised?”

The more Finn talked, the more Carpaccio began to realize what exactly Finn had done, what he had let Finn do by not being convincing enough. To think that Finn could become someone who would be happy to take his pain out on others... how foolish of him.

"That leg doesn't hurt if you don't move it much, right? So it's not so bad… I cut the infection out and in doing so, broke our connection and gave you half of my problems.”

But Carpaccio was trembling, with the dagger he drew immediately cut his leg without any thought, but the pain disappeared. His magic was working as it should again, Finn was perfectly fine and there was no blood coming from his own calf even though he still couldn't move it.

Most likely a permanent mark after what Mash did with his fists. It meant there was still some pain for Carpaccio after all, but…

It was over. The way they were now, they will stay forever.

“You… Do you understand what you have done? This injury is still severe enough, there is no hope for you or me standing on that leg ever again.”

“But the injuries on my other leg aren’t so bad anymore and I can move it a little bit… We'll have to get used to using a broom to get around later, huh... But it won't be so bad, Carpaccio. I'm pretty used to it by now, I'll help you."

Finn didn't even want to see what Rayne or Mash looked like now that they knew what he had done, that he must have been a complete idiot in their eyes.

Because who in their right mind would do such a thing? He stayed up all night after the infection left his body, regretting his decision but in the morning, when he was able to stand on his healthier leg for even just a while, he realized that he was glad.

He already felt like he didn't have a weakness.

"Am I really worth that much to you? You gave up your only chance for healing just so I wouldn't suffer alone…”

“Well, that's what a friend would do, right?”

“...friend…”

Yes. They were friends, weren't they? Weird friends, and Carpaccio still had only a small idea of what being a good friend meant, but right now he felt… good. Good that he didn't have to shoulder all of Finn's pain, but that he also had some of it to remember what he did.

They matched. It was quite morbid, but Carpaccio liked it that way. And Finn also looked satisfied with this outcome, so was there really a reason to be angry?

This was a happy end.

***

**

*

But Finn had been quickly pulled away from the happy ending that he had imagined for himself, a pair of strong hands grabbed him by the shoulders and brought him back to reality.

“This is ridiculous. I… I can't believe what I’m hearing, Finn.”

It was probably rude to forget that they weren't alone because Rayne didn't seem well.

He wasn't a person who would do what Finn did.

“Brother, it's okay, I'm not sad-”

"You should have just gone with Carpaccio's plan. Why would you do this to yourself?!”

Why was he raising his voice like that? Why was his grip just getting stronger, why was he so angry?

Did he not understand what Finn wanted? And what was he supposed to say to him?

He wasn't used to Rayne caring so much about him. After all, they had become close again only recently and he was ashamed of the fact that he hardly knew his brother.

But at that moment, Rayne felt a squeeze on his wrist, Carpaccio stabbed daggers into him with his gaze and decided to insert himself into the conversation. That was what friends did for each other, right? They shared their pain to make it less bothersome for both of them.

"Stop yelling at him. You're hurting him.”

But Carpaccio still had yet to know that things like this did not, in fact, help when you were dealing with an angry Divine Visionary.

"Oh, you have no fucking right to judge who's hurting my brother. None of this would have happened if you had not hurt him in the first place.”

"Rayne-" Mash tried to insert himself into the situation, but to no avail. No one was listening except for Finn who looked at him for help but at the same time couldn't believe what his brother was saying.

Well, he couldn't just stay quiet and let Mash deal with this, he couldn't just suppress his thoughts. Anna would be upset if she found out that he didn't keep his word, that he wouldn't speak up when he wasn't feeling well.

Rayne should have been happy for him, happy that he was getting better. That he no longer felt alone and hurt, that he was no longer confused about what he wanted, what to say to Mash, how to talk to everyone...

He made a new friend, and new friends were the best thing Finn could have imagined in his life, even if he had to sacrifice something. Why couldn't Rayne see that?

Because if Finn could or couldn't walk in the end wasn't important to Finn himself anymore.

“And you have no right to ban my friends from visiting me! How could you?”

“That girl left you alone in a vulnerable position and her friend would have soon done something even more idiotic, there is no way you do not see how problematic that i-”

“Stop calling my friends idiots, stop seeing me as an idiot! I thought you finally realized that I can protect myself just fine… Why are you treating me like this again?”

And why were they arguing again? Rayne saw no value in Carpaccio so it wasn't surprising that he didn't understand why would Finn do something like this. They both did things behind each other’s backs and when it got all revealed at once, the faint and weak positive relationship they had built fell apart once again.

Maybe it wasn't destined for them to be like this. Rayne would return to being the cold Divine Visionary who wanted nothing to do with Finn to protect him and Finn would stay by Mash’s side, admiring his estranged brother from shadows.

“Finn, I don't see you as an-”

“I w-was finally happy and you ruined it again! You’re always ruining t-things…”

He couldn't hold it in anymore, Finn burst into tears and as Rayne took a step back, Mash grabbed his boyfriend’s shaking body and pulled it into a protective hug.

When was the last time Finn cried like this?

“Maybe you should leave for now, Rayne, and come back later?” Mash’s voice was calm as always, but powerful. 

It made Rayne realise that Burnedead was never a problem as the Divine Visionary thought of him.

Just Rayne’s strange idea of shielding Finn from the world was. It always was. He was always ruining things.

“... I apologize. It seems I need to calm down before I adress the situation once again. Excuse me…”

Without any other words, he left the room and as Mash softly ran his hand through Finn’s hair, he himself finally thought about the situation in which they found themselves in.

The fact Finn will stay like this, the fact he will need to go and get these brothers sorted out again, and the fact that there was still a wizard sitting next to them, newly known as Finn’s friend and visibly concerned.

Strangely, Carpaccio didn't need to be connected to Finn to know how exactly he fell right now. He guessed that was a ‘friend thing’ as well.

Chapter Text

“You’re kinda dumb for a Divine Visionary.”

Under any other circumstances, Rayne probably would have given Mash a talking to about how incredibly rude that was to say, but now he just remained silent as he regretted all the words he had said to Finn a few minutes ago.

He was the only one in that room that cared about Finn’s injury more than his emotions, wasn't he. But Finn was so close to full recovery…

There was no way he truly was happy… was there?

“How is he, Mash?”

“He fell asleep a while ago, Carpaccio’s watching over him as we speak. Do you know what you are, Rayne?”

That one name still left a bad taste in his mouth.

“...what.”

But he also knew he was in the wrong here somehow, so he had to understand. He had to know why Carpaccio of all people suddenly became more reliable than Finn’s own brother.

“Dumb. You’re dumb.”

“You already said that.”

“You need to hear it again. Dumbass.”

Rayne’s palms found his own face and he hid behind them with a loud groan. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He couldn't think clearly, his lack of sleep started to catch up to him and all his thoughts were getting mixed up. Finn never being able to fully heal, Finn crying, Finn hating him again just because Rayne didn't understand.

“You sure got bold out of a sudden.”

“Because this is something I can solve with my fists, finally.”

“I know this situation is an exception, but I will be forced to defend myself if you try anything.”

Well, this at least meant that he was ready to protect Finn’s pride, right? Mash looked quite terrifying when he said that…

What changed? Just the fact that Finn was now officially his partner?

“Are you sure you don't want me to beat some sense into you? It worked on Abel and Carpaccio…”

“Quite sure.”

Because what would violence solve at this point? It wouldn't bring back Finn's chance at recovery nor Rayne's positive relationship with his brother. It wouldn't even take back his words or how he started freaking out, it wouldn't make anything better.

“It's not like Finn hates you from now on, Rayne. But you have to fix this before it's too late.”

"Fix? But how, Mash? How do you want me to do this? The wizard I've been researching for the past few days and was sure about him being the biggest threat is now sitting in my brother's room watching over him, the girl who took Finn out alone even though the nurse strictly forbade it is a heroine according to you all and I'm the only one who doesn't understand any of this…”

“...you should take a nap first. And eat some sweets.”

He could tell by the look Rayne gave him that was the last thing he wanted to do right now.

“Sleeping and eating won't serve as an apology to my brother.”

“I’m not letting you near him alone until you have that nap though.”

He was dead serious.

Maybe it was for the best. Mash was somehow someone Rayne could trust, so he wasn't opposed to listening to his advice. But he still knew that even if he tried to, his eyes just wouldn't close and let him sleep. It was too much, all of it, he worried and worried and now worried if the main worry in this worrying mess of a situation was just himself.

Mash did say he was stupid, but he didn't blame him for anything, for screaming at his own brother or even making him cry. He was always so calm… or he preferred to hide his other feelings and showed them only to the closest people.

“...is Carpaccio really harmless now? Do you trust him?”

“I do, and Finn does too. I mean, he could have done so many things to him by now, why would he wait until now? I think he really is trying to be a friend. Maybe you could try too, you know. To be Finn’s friend…”

Yes, because friends supported each other. They didn't yell at one another for important choices they made, or avoid each other and treat the other as a stranger.

And they were supposed to be brothers. Maybe Rayne just… forgot how to be one. Maybe he really was a Divine Visionary before a family member.

“Maybe it is time for me to step away from Finn’s life, instead of painfully trying and making everything quite terrible in return.”

“Rayne, that's not-”

“The Divine Visionary Exam resumes in three days. You shouldn't have this information, they usually share it a day before at most, but I do want you to succeed.”

That's not what he wanted to say either, something deep inside him wanted to beg Mash to help him put those words back into his mouth, that he shouldn't have talked to Finn than to have hurt him like that. 

But Mash wasn't someone who had to fix all his problems, he deserved help with his own.

“...oh. Okay.”

“Won't you train?”

“I don't think so? I want to stay with Finn. Before everything gets chaotic again.”

Was he being cocky again? Or was he just putting his brother before anything else, even the chance of him becoming a Divine Visionary?

“You really are serious about him…”

“Of course I am. I already told you. Stupid Rayne.”

“That's enough of that. You have more important matters to attend to, I believe.”

He walked away without any more words, thinking about Mash’s advice and then locked himself in his room as he laid down on his bed and tried to close his eyes. 

He will get some sleep and then he’ll make everything better again, somehow. Maybe Mash will do it for him, and he won't have to scare his brother again.

But Finn was all he had left, wasn't he.

It didn't take long for Rayne to realize he wouldn't fall asleep, no matter how long he kept his eyes closed.

***

The atmosphere in Finn’s room was awkward after he had woken up from his short nap. He almost screamed when he realized Carpaccio was sitting on his bed, but then pieced together the fact that everything was resolved now and found out that he somehow… didn't care.

Didn't care about anything, about now or about how the future would look like. 

“Should I take my leave?”

“...it’s fine. As long as you won't start screaming at me too.”

“I don't understand why you got so angry at him. That was extremely unreasonable.”

Well, that certainly made Finn sit up.

“You don't think that he was being extremely unreasonable? I mean, that was…”

“That was the most appropriate reaction a wizard could have. Can you even imagine the situation you put your brother in?”

Carpaccio knew his brother really well, Finn knew that. That was how he called Finn when they met for the first time after all, the Divine Visionary’s stupid and pathetic brother, the one who barely got accepted into the school and the one living under Rayne’s shadow like a nasty parasite.

Normally, Finn wouldn't even have the right to say what he did to Rayne, but he also didn't expect the reaction he got.

“You can’t put yourself in the shoes of Rayne Ames, can you? Those shoes are too big for someone like you.”

“...I thought he would be happy for me, I mean… Mash wasn't angry like that…”

“You can't possibly think that Burnedead is okay with this. No one is, Finn. You’re the only one who is satisfied with this outcome and Rayne just expressed what all of us think.”

He tried to imagine, even if it was for just a second, how Rayne reacted to realizing his brother couldn't be cured. He had hope before, and Finn’s returned trust, he had a chance to heal him and Finn didn't take it.

Who was Carpaccio to him? Just a worm? Someone Rayne didn't care about at all and someone who almost killed his brother?

Someone Rayne wanted gone, probably… How could he be happy for Finn, with those dark circles under the Visionary’s eyes and sleepless nights spent locked up in his room or roaming the campus, looking for Carpaccio who was talking to Finn in the meantime?

Who wouldn't be angry if something like this slipped right past them? 

“Would he really trade my happiness for… for my legs?”

“That's not how he sees this.”

“...maybe I also went too far…”

But the thought of seeing Rayne again still hurt. He knew that he wasn't happy for him now, so what was the point?

What did he even mean when he said Rayne was ruining everything? He just did his best, both for himself and his brother. He took care for him all this time and this is how Finn shows his gratitude? 

Maybe some distance would be for the best right now…

“Well, go ahead, tell me how foolish and weak I am too, so I can get it over with…”

“That's not what… friends… do, is it?”

And Carpaccio was still on board with the ‘friends’ thing too… That somehow made Finn feel a little better in the end.

“...I guess not.”

Mash also must have felt hurt, after getting his hopes crushed again…

***

“My good relationship with my brother-in-law is in danger…”

“W-wait, you and Finn are already married?!”

“...my futute brother-in-law.”

It felt so normal, sitting and talking with his friends again. He didn't want to disturb Finn right now, so Mash found the rest of their infamous group talking to each other and decided to join. Now they all sat outside and talked, Lemon and Dot fortunately stopped annoying Lance when he shared all the information before Mash talked to them and Mash himself felt a little awkward before he decided to speak about his troubles once again.

There was no point of hiding anything anymore, was there?

“Maybe say the word future sooner? You almost gave me a heart attack!” Lemon was the same as always, everyone was. It was almost as if they returned to the point where everything was fine again, even when Finn just shared the fact he was never going to be fine again.

But they didn't know that.

“What kind of danger?” At least Lance was there, the only one still able to think with his head.

“They got into a fight. So… so it's looking bad.”

“A fight? But they were so nice to each other these days… what happened?”

Maybe he should have thought about it more, Madh didn't even know if this was information he could share, but these were his friends, Finn’s friends. He thought they deserved to know everything after helping them so much.

“Finn chose not to get himself healed and Rayne got angry at him, so they fought.”

“Finn did what?”

It was too late to hide anything now, so Mash summarized everything in short segments. It sounded absolutely crazy and probably unbelievable, but everything was like that since Mash showed up.

But why did Mash feel so calm about this? Was that just because of how he always was?

He should be mad like Rayne, but he somehow expected this outcome as soon as he saw Carpaccio sitting on that bench.

He knew who Finn was, because he was his best friend before a boyfriend, and his roommate even before that. And Mash would respect Finn’s wishes while helping him as much as he could.

“You can't do this to me, Mash! I've already come to terms with the fact that Finn will never walk again and now I hear this…” But Lemon also didn't look shocked, just… disappointed. Bummed out. Just like Dot who put a palm under his chin and looked into nothing, with no words to say.

Maybe he shouldn't have told them anything, he just made the situation worse than it needed to be.

 “…I saw him standing on one leg, Mash. He told me that there is a chance that he will recover, so why is he… I just want this to end already.”

Everyone turned to Lance who was now holding his face desperately in his hands, guessing that it didn't matter who he told about his meeting with Finn anymore by now. Everyone knew everything and there was nothing to hide, neither how Lance felt nor what he thought.

He needed this to be over.

“…But Finn is happy, Lance. I think he's finally happy. So now, I have to make sure his brother is happy too.”

Maybe it was time Lance got used to it. So that he would always remember how happy Finn was when he took him out even without him recovering, how happy Anna made him.

He didn't need to be completely healthy to be happy. What would the world be like then?

“... Mash! I have a great idea!”

Lemon's excitement could probably be heard far away, she started whispering something to Dot, who probably became her personal mentor after all this, and he immediately started nodding and whispering something back to her.

Mash and Lance were completely left out before Lemon started paying attention to Finn's boyfriend again.

“Listen! You know when you have two people who fight and refuse to see each other, so you invite them both to the same place at the same time and…”

Lemon was Lemon again. And Dot too, as was Lance who, despite the pain, pushed through whatever was bothering him to engage in conversation.

Maybe this was the ending everyone was looking for.

 ***

It was two days until the Divine Visionary Exam starts again.

Mash stood in the kitchen at a table filling cream puffs, checking the clock every now and then, and when the time struck, the door slowly opened and Finn arrived in, on a new wheelchair whose wheels he was moving forward by himself, with an annoyed sigh.

"I begged the nurse to finally let me move around on the broom, but she told me that I still have to wait..."

"They're afraid that you won't be able to keep your balance because of your injury, you still have to train a lot."

"I know…"

Now that he was finally next to Mash, he smiled as the other boy snuggled close to him and Finn felt his hair being kissed as strong arms wrapped around his chest. He sure got handsy since they officially became boyfriends…

Not that Finn minded, really…

“You said you wanted me to keep you company, didn't you? I will be happy to help.”

That wasn't Mash's plan but before he could stop him, Finn had already moved to the plate that wasn't finished yet.

"Are you making them less sweet today…?"

“... felt like it.”

But Mash never ‘felt like’ making them less sweet. Something was strange…

Just then the door opened again, Rayne was about to walk in before he noticed his brother was there too and could only stare before turning to leave.

"... I see. I've been tricked.”

Mash definitely wouldn't allow him to leave, he got to the door before Rayne could escape and squeezed him tightly in his hands before closing the door again, leading him to the table where he placed him next to his boyfriend.

Finn couldn't shake the sight of his brother being held by Mash just like all the doors he managed to pull off their hinges.

"There. Now you can both help me, I plan to bake a lot.”

Of course neither of them knew what to do or what to say, they didn't plan to see each other in the coming days and really discuss the visible problem that had arisen between them. Even so, both slightly reluctantly grabbed the various baking tools and went to work in silence, very well aware of how Mash was standing behind them, piercing them with his gaze.

Annoying Mash while baking cream puffs was seriously not a good idea.

But the silence was perhaps even worse, Finn kept himself from accidentally looking at Rayne and could only think about how his brother must have felt. Was he still standing by what he said to Finn? Or did he regret it? After all, he didn't try another escape from Mash, maybe he wanted to be here after all.

 Maybe… maybe Finn really overdid it, he probably should have given Rayne a second chance…

He wanted his brother back, no matter how offended he seemed to be. Those moments when Rayne was interested in him were pleasant for him after all…

"...are you still mad at me, Rayne?"

This visibly startled his brother, he probably didn't expect Finn to be the first to start this conversation and he realized he was feeling nervous.

He felt as if he now felt the most nervous of his entire, complicated life.

“I was never mad, it was just… I wasn't able to think properly, please accept my apology and let me talk to you about this once more.”

And that wasn't what Finn expected in return, he was actually ready for more screams when he let the words out of his mouth, but Rayne looked genuinely disappointed by his behavior. And tired, really tired.

Finn was annoyed that Rayne was so worried about him when he was on the verge of passing out himself.

“N-no, don't apologize, I should. I said something I shouldn't have, and maybe I should have realized that everyone will see it differently, b-but… but I'm so glad, Rayne, that Carpaccio doesn't have to suffer alone anymore…”

He was glad that he had such a loving boyfriend and a brother who wanted to take care of him, that he made a new friend, that he became close to all of them these last days even though it had its great price.

“Are you really happy Finn? If you are, then… well, I'll try to believe it. But you have to explain it to me so that I understand. Because I want to understand it, I want to understand you.”

It was that simple, huh.

They were both old enough to be able to resolve such conflicts without further unnecessary arguments and problems, at least the thought of how far they had come brought a smile to his face. But he always knew that Rayne was rational, calm, smart and talented.

He remembered the words he said to Lance that night when he woke up and how jealous he was of the feeling Anna was giving the boy. But now he felt the same, didn't he?

"Thank you. I’m lucky… to have a brother like you.”

And Rayne had nothing to say to that, he probably never even expected to hear such words from Finn's mouth, and certainly not after what they had said to each other yesterday. He opened his mouth and then closed it again, looking for Mash who was now sitting crouched behind the kitchen table, watching them in silence.

He was glad it was over. After all, they've been through worse things than a stupid argument in these last few days.

Rayne's hand eventually found its way to Finn's back and Finn had to smile as he saw his brother trying to keep his own smile in check.

“...just don't overdo it. We’ll talk more later, okay?”

And so the making of cream puffs started again, Mash quietly rejoined the party when he saw that their conversation was over and when they had enough pastries made, Mash grabbed one of the cream puffs and took a bite.

Finn could see how he didn't enjoy these as much as the sweeter ones, but now he finally understood why they made them in the first place. Rayne also indulged in one, looking satisfied as he ate it and then Finn joined them.

Things could be so relaxing in Mash's company…

Suddenly, he watched as Rayne grabbed one of the pastries in his hands and dug his fingers into it, shaping... something? And then he presented a sad-looking, cream-leaking cream puff rabbit to Finn with an awkward expression.

“...it’s a rabbit. See?”

He placed it in Finn's hands and his brother looked at him for a moment before giving a small laugh, Mash put his hands on his hips in offense and Rayne flashed back to when he shared a similar situation with the strong boy.

It did made his little brother smile. They were still similar in some ways, after all.

“That's really cute.”

“You traitor. Stealing my ideas and impressing my boyfriend with them to get him on your good side…”

As if to take him back, Mash grabbed the smaller boy around his body again and Finn didn't hesitate before moving his mouth into the sad rabbit, tasting it.

Quite different from Rayne, who couldn't eat it in the end and let the cute pastry Mash made him go bad. Not similar at all.

“It made me quite happy, so I wanted to make Finn happy too. I apologize, is that rude?”

“...it’s okay, when you say it like that…” But he still didn't let go of Finn, his eyes closed as he nuzzled into Finn's neck and after Rayne watched them in weird silence, he guessed it was time to pack up the baking and leave.

That night, the Ames brothers talked and talked, Rayne finally got an explanation for everything and even though he still needed to process it all, he was one step closer to understanding, to getting to know his brother more.

“How has your day been, Finn? Tell me…”

And as Finn finished telling his brother everything with a smile, the smile coming from the fact that Rayne cared, cared so much, the older brother was finally able to lie down and fall asleep, crouched on Finn’s bed as his younger brother tried to get him into a more comfortable position without disturbing him.

Everything would be fine once again.

***

The Divine Visionary Exam was to restart tomorrow.

“Mash, I-I know I said how much I'd like to fly already, but maybe it's… not the best idea.”

"Nonsense, you just have to hold on to me."

Mash was behaving weirdly. Well, weirder than usual, but whenever Finn asked what was going on, Mash didn't tell him anything at all. And then he told him out of the blue that they had to visit his father quickly, so on the broom, which he still was forbidden from mounting.

Was something wrong with his father? Was that why Mash looked unusually uncomfortable?

Was Finn so busy that he didn't notice something was bothering Mash again?

“…o-okay…”

"Don't worry, I'll make sure nothing happens to you."

He was already used to putting all his trust in Mash, so his whole body believed his words as soon as they came out of his boyfriend's mouth. But then he very quickly remembered how exactly Mash imagined flying on a broom and swallowed hard.

“... b-but I'll put my magic into the broom, okay? You don't have to strain yourself…”

Mash didn't talk him out of it anymore, he pulled out a broom that Finn let levitate with his hand and then sat on it with the help of Mash while his boyfriend sat behind him, stretching out his hands to hold the broom in front.

His head was resting on Finn's shoulder, Finn leaned comfortably against him and realized that he couldn't have felt safer.

"I'll hold you tight, okay?"

“Y-yeah, that sounds… nice…”

His cheeks were all red again, he felt Mash everywhere and immediately tried to distract himself by letting the broom continue to rise up while Mash forced it to turn towards his home with his strong arms.

The nurse noticed them when she was leaving another patient's room and sighed loudly, annoyed. She seriously couldn't leave Finn alone with any of those idiots, huh.

 —

Finn's leg felt heavy.

Whenever the broom started to tilt to the side due to Finn not being able to get it in the right position, all it took was for Mash to move and they were flying straight again, each of those movements only caused them to get closer together and if Finn hadn't been a little scared, he probably would be able to fall asleep in that pleasant embrace.

One of Mash's arms held him firmly around his waist because of one moment when Finn leaned dangerously to the side and Finn secretly hoped he would feel that safe touch again sometime in the future.

"Pops wants to see you a lot."

"Really? Oh… did you tell him about us?”

"...Yes. But I didn't ask you. Oh no. I should have asked, right? I…” But Finn lightly squeezed the palm holding the broom in front of him to calm Mash down before he started regretting every decision he made.

“I-I don't mind! I just… want to make a good impression.”

“You already did, Finn. Pops likes you.”

At least he could rest on that matter. He would probably never forgive himself if he pissed off such a good and caring man like Regro. Finn still remembered how kind he was and how he wished on the day they first met that everyone could stay happy.

“Is he… okay with me being your boyfriend, though?”

“He is. Pops asked about you a lot, to make sure you’re okay. So I want you to see him. I don't want him to worry…”

It always warmed his heart to hear how much Mash cared for his father, just another proof of how close they were and how much they cared for each other. Mr. Burnedead certainly wanted only the best for Mash, but if he didn't mind Finn, then surely he was enough.

Even so, Mash still looked a little nervous.

The familiar house was already in the distance so he started to slow down the broom, but it turned out that he did it at the worst possible moment. Mash probably noticed that he was still a bit nervous and surely wanted to calm him down with a light kiss on the shoulder he was leaning on, but he took Finn's slowing down as a mistake he made and grabbed him tightly while Finn felt an unexpected pain on his shoulder.

Then he made a real mistake, Finn stopped sending magic into the broom in shock and as they started to fall, Mash could only barely hold the broom in the air with his legs before they landed, Mash on his back with his arms outstretched to catch Finn in them.

They lay there for a moment, Finn trying to snap out of his shock and when Mash laid the boy next to him, Finn put a hand under the shirt to his shoulder as soon as his dizziness stopped.

Luckily they were fine, but…

“Did you bit me, Mash?!”

“...did I? I got quite spooked…”

“Why is biting down your reaction for something like that!”

He could actually be glad that Mash didn't bite off his entire shoulder with his strenght...

He quickly reached over to Finn to check the wound, but luckily didn't see any blood or other signs of serious injury. He would probably never forgive himself if he hurt Finn, even in a ridiculous situation like this. Flying here on a broom was his idea after all, even if Finn was against it. The fact that nothing happened still did not excuse him. Finn's shoulder still looked like it had been bitten by some wild animal.

Just a really ugly teeth mark, really. Not even one some people would call ‘flattering.’

“I’m really sorry…”

“I-it’s fine, just know it’s your fault if Carpaccio or anyone else takes it the wrong way when they happen to see it…

“...Are you showing Carpaccio your naked body? Should I be concerned…”

But before Finn could give him a monologue about how absurd what Mash said sounded and how he would never do such a thing even with Mash himself, let alone Capraccio, the familiar creak of a welcoming door made itself known across the forest.

"What is…"

It seemed that Regro Burnedead was never to see his son come home peacefully again. He stood in the doorway looking at them before he immediately ran over to make sure they weren't hurt.

---

“Boys, don't scare me like that! You should write before you visit, Mash…”

They were sitting comfortably inside after picking themselves off the ground and Finn was already refusing to think about how just a few minutes ago, he wanted to pick up the broom to sit on before they went in the house. But Mash took it from him as he grabbed Finn in one of his arms to carry him there instead.

It was an easier alternative, but Finn probably never felt more embarrassed in his life. What a way to start his first impressions as a boyfriend…

“Oh… I Didn't think of that. Next time, Pops.”

“Don't give me the ‘next time’ talk, I know you’ll forget anyway!” But there was no malice behind the words, there never was. Regro laughed happily and that made Finn smile as well, he was now sitting on one of the chairs where he was seated and from which he also would not move unless Mash gave him back his broom.

But with him almost killing them both on it, maybe it was better he didn't have it.

“But this really is too sudden, I’m meeting your first boyfriend! Is this some kind of a special occasion?”

“...The Divine Visionary exam resumes tomorrow, they’ll probably announce it tonight. So I wanted to see you, with Finn…” 

He couldn't finish his words, Mash immediately felt Finn's hands on his palm under the table and they squeezed him incredibly hard.

The scared look on his face was exactly why Mash didn't want to tell Finn.

“How long… do you know this?”

“Rayne told me the other day… But I don't really care, even if there is a chance something might go wrong, so I wanted to-”

“D-don’t say it like you’re going to die, Mash! Why did you waste all this time with me when you could have been preparing yourself! I mean… I mean…”

This was the most important thing to Mash, after all. To protect his family, he had to become the first Divine Visionary unable to use magic. He had the perfect opportunity to train, to scout the arena, to do… anything else than to fix his and Rayne’s relationship, to take him and see his father together…

All those moments they kissed and held each other, they were stealing Mash’s dream away…

“I didn't waste any time, Finn. I think seeing you happy is the only thing I need to beat up whoever I need to tomorrow.”

Out of the corner of their eyes, they saw the father bring his hands to his mouth in excitement and Finn let out a loud sigh as he tried to stay calm. How was he not embarrassed, saying things like this in front of his father who also seemed to enjoy this a little too much?!

“…I'll cheer for you, okay? I will smile as much as I can… if it helps…” 

And there it was again, that one smile which seemed to be reserved only for Finn himself. So full of love and adoration, making him feel wanted and protected.

“I can't believe it, that what I’ve always wished for is happening right between my eyes…” Regro looked like he was going to cry, but he kept a smile on his face when he watched Mash smile as Finn still held his son's hand. “You have so many friends, Mash, and now such a kind partner… I’m so glad…

“Don't cry, Pops. There's nothing to cry about anymore.”

“Take good care of him, Mash! I haven’t even talked to you about relationships and such, you’re growing so fast! What do you mean there's nothing to cry about!”

They had a great time, obviously not missing on baking and playing board games while Finn answered all of Regro’s questions. It felt like a family, a different kind from what he was getting used to with Rayne, but warm and comfortable nonetheless. 

Finn's leg was brought up once, when Mash’s father couldn't hold himself back and had to know how everything looked, but he didn't look disappointed when Finn told him the truth. Because Finn smiled as he told the tale, and hold Mash’s hand as he laughed at some moments he retold, and felt like he was a ruffled Phoenix who just awkwardly crawled out of his ashes and flew towards a second chance, supported by his closest companions.

So cheesy…

***

Excited shouts could already be heard in the distance, Mash was preparing to re-enter the arena with a sigh and finally try again to fight for what he came here for in the first place.

 “Mash…”

Finn and Carpaccio stood with him at the entrance, still shrouded in darkness and out of sight of all the students and teachers. Finn was already happily flying around on a broom that he could control, but Carpaccio was leaning on crutches with his friend refused to leave him alone that day.

The broom was too inconvenient for him and he didn't feel comfortable in the wheelchair when he had to raise his head to talk to someone, so crutches it was.

“Here I go, then.”

Carpaccio turned away as Finn approached Mash and he placed both of his palms on the boy's cheeks for one more kiss before he was to step out into the arena. It wasn't like they were saying goodbye, but Finn felt like this moment could have been encouraging…

“I love you, Mash.”

“Huh… h-huh?”

It took Finn a moment to realize what Mash was doing and he punched his boyfriend in the shoulder with an embarrassed face.

He had the right to be confused the first time this happened, Finn thought.

“Then… I like you a lot, Mash.”

“I’ll tell you those words back when I’m done with Margarette, Finn…”

“And how do you plan on doing that, Burnedead? Maybe sinking your teeth into their shoulder? Then again, Macaron is also a person who would thrive from an experience like that…”

They both forgot for a moment that Carpaccio was standing right next to them and Finn stared at him for a moment before placing a hand on his still healing shoulder with a completely red face.

He knew that this guy probably had no sense of privacy, but what the hell…

“Hey, you think they could change your opponent to Carpaccio, Mash? I think he needs a beating again.”

“He’s your friend, Finn. Be nice.”

Yes, he was his friend now and Finn had to face the consequences as well. Mash definitely had no idea what Carpaccio was talking about.

“L-let’s find some good seats before it starts. Good luck, Mash!”

And they were both gone.

The walk onto the stage was long, his opponent was already standing there and when Mash heard the cheers, he quickly scanned the audience to find all his friends together with his boyfriend sitting close to each other.

His family.

Little did he know how much more complicated that word was going to get today.